LAUGHTER IN COURT
By Brian Comerford
Copyright 1986 Brian Comerford
Smashwords Edition
A dramatisation of one of two hilarious cases heard in Ennis Courthouse
on Friday 15th January 1897.
Case #1: Mrs. Mary Anne Butler v West Clare Railway Company.
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Dedicated to the Memories of Haulie Lahiffe, who, with the Corofin Dramatic Society, produced a most entertaining production of this dramatisation in Ennis Courthouse, and Paddy Browne, Ennis, who played the part of the Judge.
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CAST
Clerk
Justice Kelly
Mr. Murphy Q.C.
Mr. Crowe Q.C.
Mrs. Mary Anne Butler A Lady from Limerick
Constable Wallace RIC Member
Michael Walsh Head Porter
William McHenry Railway Porter
Percy French Balladeer
James Hehir Precocious Teenager
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Case 1
CLERK: Be upstanding in Court! Ennis Quarter Sessions now proceeding. His Honor Justice Kelly, County Court Judge, presiding.
(ENTER JUSTICE KELLY, WHO IS GOUTY, DYSPEPTIC AND ILL-HUMOURED)
CLERK: Be seated.
JUDGE: What catalogue of infamy have we for hearing today?
CLERK: Two cases being defended by the West Clare Railway, your honor.
JUDGE: Again! There are cases involving the West Clare Railway shunting into this courtroom with greater frequency than their locomotives! Who’s for the defence?
(MR. MURPHY Q.C. RISES. HE IS SOMEWHAT HARRASSED LOOKING)
MURPHY: It is my privilege to represent the West Clare Railway, your honor.
JUDGE: You again, Mr. Murphy. No doubt you have taken the precaution of not presenting yourself to them as a passenger!
MURPHY: While it is obvious that your honor has strong personal opinions, I am confident my clients will have the benefit of your customary impartial judgments of these cases.
JUDGE: Of course! And the Company will appeal again, as it always does. Proceed! This court list reads like a railway timetable!
CLERK: Mrs. Mary A. Butler versus West Clare Railway. Mrs. Butler is seeking £50 damages for injuries sustained through the alleged negligence of the Company at Ennis Railway Station.
(MR. CROWE, Q.C. RISES. HE HAS THE CONFIDENT AIR OF A MAN WHO KNOWS THE OTHER SIDE HAS DRAWN THE SHORT STRAW)
CROWE: Your honor, I represent Mrs. Mary Ann Butler, of William Street, Limerick. Call Mrs. Butler.
(MRS. BUTLER, AN ELDERLY, BUXOM LADY RISES FROM THE WELL OF THE COURT AND HOBBLES TO THE WITNESS STAND. SHE REMAINS STANDING)
JUDGE: (COURTEOUSLY) Pray be seated, Madam.
BUTLER: I’d rather stand.
JUDGE: Madam, we appreciate your respect for the Court, but it is unnecessary for you to stand. Seating is provided.
BUTLER: I’d rather stand, your honor.
CROWE: You honor, the reasons for my client’s fixity of stature will emerge presently. Now, Mrs. Butler, you are a native of Limerick?
BUTLER: I was born there. Natives live in Africa!
CROWE: And last Summer you stayed at Lahinch.
BUTLER: I stayed at Lahinch. If t’was Summer t’was because the calendar said so.
CROWE: And on July 2nd you were returning home via Ennis.
BUTLER: Yes.
CROWE: Please tell the Court what occurred at Ennis.
BUTLER: I got out to cross to the Limerick train and was assaulted by an ass.