A Second in Time
Carole McEntee-Taylor
Copyright 2011 Carole McEntee-Taylor
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DEDICATION
To all those who did not come back.
1954
He had been watching her for three days now from his hiding place in the fields opposite the isolated farm house. Three days of indecision as he’d tried to work out what to do. He’d watched the children make their way down the muddy farm track to the winding country lane where the single decker bus picked them up regularly at 7.45am every morning. Their laughter, echoing off the frosty fields as they ran and played and teased each other had made him smile, but they were not the target of his attention. He’d watched her husband, a stocky man of medium height with dark hair and a pleasant face, kiss her goodbye at the back door and disappear off into the fields. But the man was not the target of his attention either and his gaze had immediately refocused on the farm house, waiting impatiently for a glimpse of the person he was there to see.
The first time he had seen her, standing at the door waving to the children, her face creased with laughter at something the oldest boy had said, his heart had nearly stopped beating. From a distance, through his binoculars, she seemed to have hardly aged at all; she looked just the same as he remembered her, all those years ago. He did not wish her harm or want her to be unhappy, but the pain that consumed him as he watched her smiling happy face was almost physical in its intensity and he had to fight to stop himself crying out loud at the injustice, the unfairness of a world that had taken away his life and changed his future to something that was no longer certain, no longer planned.
Although he had got over the initial shock, the pain had hardly lessened even though it had now been three days. Three days of unanswered questions and regrets for what had been so cruelly taken away from him, three days while he tried to decide the best course of action. If she’d seemed miserable, trapped in a loveless relationship or had been on her own, with or without children, the decision would have been easy. But she was not on her own, nor did she appear sad, instead she seemed happy and settled. What right did he have to turn her world upside down? He tried to ignore the voice in his head that suggested his reappearance might not be as important to her as it was to him. He knew what he had meant to her and he knew she would have suffered terribly when they told her he was dead. He did not begrudge her finding happiness again, in fact he’d encouraged her to do that all those years ago. But for him it was like he had just lost her, the years in between were as nothing. To him it was all still fresh and new and he was struggling to find a way through this rush of raw emotions that were now flooding his being. He had spent so many years in an emotionally barren wilderness that it was almost impossible for him to think clearly.
He glanced at his watch, struggling to see the hands in the cold early November morning light. It was nearly 7.30am, almost time for the children to go to school and for the husband to go to work in the fields. Then he would have to make a decision. He couldn’t stay here much longer; someone would notice and call the police. He had already risked exposure by wandering into the nearby village and asking questions about them. He had tried to be a subtle as he could, but it was a small, isolated village and strangers stood out like a sore thumb, especially those asking questions. He couldn’t delay any longer. Today would have to be the day. Either he spoke to her today or he went back to his life, such as it was and forgot all about her and what could have been.
A movement at the farmhouse caught his eye and interrupted his thoughts. He watched as the back door opened and the children emerged, muffled up against the bitter cold under anoraks, scarves and woolly hats. But even from this distance he could hear their laughter, sense their happiness. Idly, killing time until she was on her own, he tried to work out how old they were. The youngest, a boy, looked to be about 5 or 6, the middle one, a girl with pigtails and a cheeky smile appeared to be about 7 or 8 perhaps. The oldest, another boy, was the hardest to work out. He was quite tall, with the lanky look of a lad just entering his teen years, all legs and no substance as his Mum used to say about him until he had reached 16 and broadened out a bit.
He began to smile at the memory but then the smile suddenly froze on his face as the thought reverberated round his head. Round and round it went until it began to take definite shape and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck begin to stand up and a shiver run up his spine. He grabbed the binoculars that were lying on the frozen grass beside him and raised them to his eyes, frantically trying to get a better look. He couldn’t really see their features that clearly, but from what little he could see under the winter clothing the boy seemed to have fair hair unlike the other two children whose hair was much darker.
Unable to look any more he turned on to his back and lay there staring sightlessly up into the early morning sky. The clouds were heavy, laden with unshed snow, there was a chill wind blowing across the fields and the sun was nowhere to be seen. But none of this registered with the watcher. He had been places which made the temperature here seem like a heat wave. His whole consciousness was fixed on the occupants of the farmhouse and what he had come to do. But for the first time since he’d arrived, she was no longer the sole focus of his attention.
His breath began to come in short sharp bursts and he belatedly realised he was starting to hyperventilate, for once not because he was scared or anxious but because he was excited. He made himself breathe deeply, in the way he had been taught, and gradually his breathing eased and he was able to once more turn his attention back to the farm. But by the time he turned back the children were out of sight and he began to wonder if he had imagined it. But the voice in his head would not be quiet and he now knew with certainty that the decision had been made for him. He would have to speak to her because he had to know.
He was suddenly filled with an urgency to go rushing down there and confront her but he knew that was not the way. He stilled himself to be patient, to wait until the husband left and she was on her own. It would be hard enough for her without the presence of someone else, someone who had nothing to do with the past. His presence might lead her to reject him out of hand, without giving him a chance to speak, leaving him to continue in limbo and her to live the rest of her life not knowing why they had been separated.
He closed his eyes and took himself back to the happiest time of his life, a time when his future stretched out before him, a limitless landscape of opportunities and happiness with the person he loved more than anything, more than himself even. The person he would gladly have given his life for. As the thought passed through his mind he realised that maybe that was what he had done, he had given his life for her. The thought unsettled him and he tried to focus back on how things had been in the heady days of April 1940. But it was no good, the idea that he had given his life so that she could have a different life, a life without him, would not go away.
Another movement from the farm caught his eye followed by the sound of an ancient tractor coughing and spluttering into life as it fought against the frosty air that threatened to silence it. Eventually it settled into its rhythmic drumming pattern and the husband accelerated out of the yard. The gentle chugging of its diesel engines was a poignant reminder of things he had spent years struggling to forget and he resisted the temptation to put his hands over his hears to block out the sound and the memories that came with it. Instead he focused his attention on what he was going to say when he finally found the courage to speak to her and gradually the noise began to fade into the distance as it made its way out of the yard and into one of the fields opposite where he was hiding.
For a few minutes he tried to imagine how the husband would feel, to suddenly have him arrive out of the blue, back from the dead. But, realising he could never really understand, he quickly pushed the thought away and standing up, shook his limbs to get back some feeling in them. He carefully picked up his few possessions, drank some water from the flask on his hip, wiped his mouth dry with the back of his hand and headed purposefully in the direction of the farmhouse. The time for thinking was over, it was time for the past to confront the present and despite his antagonism to a God who had let him down so spectacularly, he found himself uttering a small prayer that the future would be so much better than the past.
Chapter 1
4th October 1936
The sound of marching feet came closer and closer, their rhythmic pounding echoing ominously on the paved streets. Annie braced herself and glanced sideways at her friend Daisy for reassurance. They were hemmed in amongst a large mass of people at Gardiner’s corner in the East End where they had earlier overturned a tram and built a barricade, blocking the entrance to Cable Street.
‘No pasaran’, the shouting of the now familiar Spanish Republican civil war chant rang in her ears and she joined in enthusiastically. ‘They shall not pass’, she shouted, the words signifying their determination not to let the fascists pass.
It was 4th October 1936 and Anne Parker, known as Annie, and her best friend Daisy had joined the anti- fascist protesters as they attempted to stop the British Union of Fascists,(BUF) led by Sir Oswald Mosley, marching though the East End and the predominantly Jewish, Cable Street.
Annie had never been particularly interested in politics, unlike Daisy who seemed to have grown up with it, both her parents and older brother Albert being members of the Independent Labour Party. ‘I used to have politics with my cornflakes’ she would often joke. Annie found herself fascinated by something she knew so little about and Albert was a more than willing teacher who was happy to answer her questions.
Right’ he had said self-importantly, much to her secret amusement. Although to start with she had to concentrate on keeping a straight face, she was soon so interested in what he was telling her that any desire to laugh went.
‘Mosley’s like our equivalent to Hitler or Mussolini; in fact the BUF, British Union of Fascists, was actually modelled on the Italian Fascist party after he went there in 1932. I can’t believe you’ve never heard of them especially as they were really popular for a while, about 40,000 people were supposedly members. A lot of the rich supported them including that right wing rag The Daily Mail and its Chairman, Lord Rothermere’
He paused for a moment to get his thoughts in order.
‘But then the rich got a bit worried because of the amount of violence at his meetings. Lots of us tried to disrupt them but the police would always support them, or that’s how it seemed to us anyway. The more demonstrations they had the more violent it got, mainly thanks to us for opposing their fascist anti-Semitic rhetoric.’
He paused again, this time rather proud of his extensive vocabulary. Knowing he now had her full attention he flexed the braces on his trousers with his thumbs, rocked backwards and forwards on his feet a couple of times to emphasise his knowledge and then continued
‘Anyway, so now the rich had deserted him he had to look somewhere else for support, so he began targeting the working class. Unfortunately there’s always those who think the immigrants have taken their jobs and such like, so it wasn’t hard for him to whip up support but he then had a problem. Lots of places where there’s no work don’t have any immigrants and are strong Communist Party areas, so he looked around and realised that the East End of London was perfect for what he wanted. Not only do they have some of the worst living conditions in the country’ he paused as he tried to remember the exact words he’d read in that anti- Fascist pamphlet, ‘But they also have a history of anti-Semitism and racism’. ‘Anyway, earlier this year he held a big rally in Victoria Park in London and then they started holding lots of other meetings on street corners and the like, all to drum up support of course, and it worked.’ He paused once more to check Annie was listening, but by now she was totally entranced by what he was saying so he swiftly carried on
‘Once they’d got everyone going with their lies the bastards upped the ante and people started to attack the Jews, poor sods. It began with them shouting abuse at them and then progressed to breaking their windows, beating them up and firebombing their businesses and homes.’ He noted Annie’s horrified expression with satisfaction and then carried on
‘Then they announced that they were going to hold four separate meetings in the East End on October 4th after first gathering in Royal Mint Street so their ‘fuehrer’’ he almost spat out the word such was his contempt ‘could inspect them. They were then going to march to the East End. It’s that march we’re going to try and stop.’
‘So isn’t anyone else doing anything about it?’ Annie asked askance ‘Surely the government will stop them?’
‘No chance. The Jewish People’s Council has already presented a petition of 100,000 signatures to the Home Secretary, calling for the march to be banned. But our fascist Home Secretary, Sir John Simon, refused.’
But what about the Communist Party or the Labour Party?’ Annie asked ‘Surely they were doing something to stop it?’
No’ Albert said ‘Well not at first anyway. The Labour Party just asked for the march to be rerouted, fat lot of good that was. And the Communist Party was too interested in trying to drum up support for the Republicans in Spain to do anything about something right on their doorstep. It was only when the local branch in Stepney pointed out to them just how many supporters they were likely to lose if they didn’t do something to stop the fascists marching through the East End they had second thoughts. Anyway they finally decided that perhaps they should do something, better late than never I suppose. No. It was us, The Independent Labour Party (ILP), who’ve really done something about it. We’re the ones who’ve asked people to come out on the streets and stop the bastards getting through. We’ve had adverts in all the press, put the others to shame’ he smiled with a certain amount of satisfaction and then continued ‘Anyway they’ve all joined the bandwagon now and the Communist Party has cancelled its rally and joined us in asking people to meet up at Aldgate at 2pm to stop them. He stopped and looked at Annie, her face alight with determination and he knew he had another convert
‘So what about it then? You coming with us?’
She had taken little persuasion to join the protesters, her own innate sense of justice hated any form of discrimination, but her excitement was now tempered by nervousness as the time for the march came ever closer. She glanced at her watch, it was gone 2.30 and judging by the increased tension in the crowd things were about to happen. In the distance they could hear the ominous sound of marching feet coming nearer and above that they could clearly hear the sound of the Blackshirt’s shouting:
‘The Yids, the Yids, we’re going to get rid of the Yids’.
Before Annie could comment they could hear the crowd booing and hissing loudly interspersed with shouted insults and obscenities and then they heard the Blackshirts retaliating with
‘We want Mosley; We want Mosley; We want Mosley’ to which the crowd responded by shouting back ‘So do we, dead or alive!’ This led to roars of good natured laughter and cheers from the mass of people now thronging round the barricade.
‘Albert, Albert, over here. What’s happening?’ Daisy had just spotted her brother fighting his way through the estimated 50,000 people now gathered at the corner.
Albert finally broke through to them and grinned ‘There’s been thousands of people in the streets waiting for them to arrive, hours they’ve been there some of them. The police had already cordoned off a lot of the side streets to stop us getting down them, but they couldn’t stop us completely. There might be thousands of police but there’s more of us’ he stopped and took a swig of water from a small flask, tucked in the top of his trousers. Annie was amused to see that he looked a lot smarter than usual.
Albert worked in the local paint factory and although he normally wore overalls, his clothes were often paint splattered and he usually smelt of turpentine and paint thinners. Today he was wearing a pair of smart black trousers and a clean white shirt under his jacket and he smelt faintly of some kind of fragrance although Annie couldn’t identify what it was. Briefly she wondered why he was all dressed up and then, smiling inwardly, she wondered who the lucky girl was before turning her attention back to what he was saying. By now he had finished his drink and having wiped his mouth with the back of his hand he continued, aware that it was not only the girls who were listening now.
‘Then, about half one, a couple of those black shirted bastards arrived and were told to stand against the wall with half a dozen policemen in front of them to protect them. Typical bullies, just cowards really, can give it out but don’t like to be on the receiving end!’ There was a murmur of agreement through the crowd who were now hanging on his every word. Seeing Daisy looking impatient and about to interrupt Albert hurriedly returned to his story ‘Then a van arrived, full of the bastards it was, and they started to get out.’ He stopped and looked round to make sure his audience were listening and grinned before carrying on ‘This is the best bit.’ He paused again, enjoying the fact that he now had quite a large audience. ‘Before the police could act the crowd attacked them and knocked them out. Laid them out cold on the pavement they did. Ruddy marvellous.’ He stopped as a small cheer went through the crowd and one of the men in the crowd yelled out
‘And then?’
Albert took another drink and then continued ‘Then the bloody police waded in, baton charges, mounted police, you name it, it was there. But we fought back as hard as we could. Trouble was they were too strong for us then. They were doing everything they could do to push the crowd back so those bastards could carry on with their march. There wasn’t much else I could do up there so I thought I’d come back here and wait for them. They were all lining up to pay homage to their fuehrer when I left so it won’t be long, just waiting for the b’stard to arrive’ Albert spat disdainfully on the floor.
‘How many are there?’ the question came from a rather smart looking young man with round glasses perched precariously on the end of his nose. He was wearing a neat brown jacket and matching trousers and looked more like a school teacher or some kind of professor. To Annie he typified the mixture of people manning the barricades, from dockers to factory workers, builders to teachers, they had all turned out to show their support and she suddenly felt a wave of pride that she was part of it.
‘Looked like about 3,000.’ Albert replied after a few seconds thought ‘Column stretches back about half a mile in all I suppose. Oh and they’ve got a couple of hundred women in the middle of them as well, all wearing their black blouses.’
Albert was about to carry on when there was a surge from the crowd behind them as more shouting could be heard in the distance. As the insults and obscenities flew backwards and forwards between the marchers and protesters the crowd laughed and joked and Annie was thoroughly enjoying herself.
But as police activity suddenly began to increase the jocular good natured mood of the crowd quickly changed to something more menacing. To Annie it seemed like one minute everyone was laughing and joking and the next minute mounted police were charging at them wielding their long batons and riot sticks forcefully, hitting out at anyone who was unfortunate enough to get in the way. At the same time the police on the ground charged at anyone the horses had missed, their batons and truncheons laying into anyone who offered resistance. Forced to retreat from the police onslaught the crowd surged violently backwards and Annie felt herself powerless to resist as she was dragged along with them. In retaliation the protesters regrouped again and again, throwing marbles under the feet of the horses and hurling stones, fireworks and anything to hand at the police, still chanting loudly ‘They shall not pass’.
Annie suddenly found herself caught up in a frantic fleeing mob of people as the police forced back the protesters yet again. Unable to free herself she turned panic stricken to see police charging directly at where she was standing. From then on everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. She could see the long batons wielded by the police, their faces snarling, their words unheard in the chaos and noise of the fight, but their meaning clear; she could see the riot sticks of the mounted police flailing through the air and she could hear the hooves of the horses clattering on the road as they came closer and above it all the yells and scream of the people as they fled in panic; but she was unable to move, penned in by her fellow protesters.
The first baton charge was followed by more mounted police, their riot sticks and batons raining blows down on the unprotected heads of protesters. Annie found herself powerless to either push forward against the attacking police or escape as she was caught in amongst a swirling, thronging mass of people, some screaming and trying to get away, others struggling to push their way forward to fight the police. She had become separated from Daisy and Albert now and was surrounded by people she didn’t know. Her heart began to pound with terror as she fought to stay upright, knowing that if she fell she would be trampled to death. She tried frantically to escape but it was impossible. The more violent the police action, the more angry the protesters became and the worse the clashes between them became. Annie was completely trapped now, powerless to move in any direction, dragged back and forth like a rag doll with no will of her own.
Her heart began to pound frantically against her chest, stars appeared in her eyes and she started to feel dizzy and lightheaded, only the pressure of the crowd now keeping her upright. Then, just when she thought she would never get away, she felt someone grab her arm and pull her violently towards the floor. Instinctively she put out her hands in front of her to protect her face and then the baton came down on the back of her head and the ground came rushing up to meet her. Almost unconscious from the blow she was only vaguely aware of strong hands catching her before she hit the floor and then miraculously she found herself out of the crush and in some open space. She could hear the sounds of the battle continuing but the mass of people were no longer surrounding her and instead she found herself looking into a pair of concerned soft blue eyes.
‘Are you alright?’ a deep melodic voice asked as the soft blue eyes bore into hers.
Annie nodded gingerly, unable to speak yet, her voice gone in the terror of the assault, but at least she could breathe now and her dizziness had eased. Her rescuer helped her to a quiet spot on the pavement, away from the fighting which was still continuing unabated, and Annie sat down gratefully, closed her eyes and slowly began to regain her composure. Eventually feeling better she opened her eyes and looked up to speak to her rescuer, but he was gone and she was on her own again, left with a vague memory of kind eyes and a handsome face. Shakily she picked herself up and carefully put her hand to the back of her head where the baton had hit her. There was no blood on her hand so although it hurt the baton did not appear to have broken the skin. She breathed a sigh of relief, although she would probably have a large lump and a bruise the next day she appeared to relatively unhurt.
All around her the battle raged on, paving stones were pulled up and broken into convenient sizes to be used as missiles, glasses and bottles were broken to throw under the horses to impede their progress. Other protesters raided a builder’s yard and used the contents to add to the overturned lorry, packing cases and carts already utilised in the barricade that was being reinforced quicker than the police could demolish it. All the time the marchers, with the protection of the police, hurled insults and threats and waited for their leader who was now late, and still the protesters fought on.
Volunteers set up makeshift medical centres to tend to the wounded and runners kept protesters up to date with what was happening elsewhere. Having recovered from her earlier fright Annie now joined in with those protecting the barricade and much to her surprise found herself defending it with stones and anything else she could lay her hands on. Always a supporter of the police she had now lost faith in them completely and angry she had been attacked for no reason, fought with as much tenacity as the others.
Eventually the police came back with more reinforcements and after clearing the street with yet another violent baton charge which left several people badly injured, succeeded in finally removing the barricade. Annie retreated with her new friends further down the street and waited to see what would happen next. She still had no idea where Daisy and Albert were but for the moment she wasn’t too worried as she was still high on the adrenaline of the battle.
Mosley finally drove up in a black sports car with two other officers at about 3.40pm and drove down the ranks of his cheering, Union Jack waving Blackshirts. But after a brief consultation with the police he was told that the march could now no longer take place because of the threat of disorder and despite his protests, at around 4pm the BUF were escorted out of Royal Mint Street by thousands of police. Annie found out later that they had tried to hold another meeting in Trafalgar Square but the police had prevented them. The protesters had won and as news of their victory spread gradually through the streets loud cheers went up and the protesters hugged and congratulated each other unable to believe that they had actually won. Annie followed her new companions to a local hall where many of them were now congregating and began to look for her friends, exhilarated that she had been part of something so momentous and dying to discuss her exciting meeting with her very own knight in shining armour with Daisy.
Annie and Daisy had met three years ago at Boots the chemist, just after Annie had left school. They had struck up an instant friendship, sharing the same sense of humour and interests and had been firm friends ever since. Annie was quite tall for a girl with long blonde curly hair that she had tied up in plaits and hidden under her hat in a vain attempt to keep it out of the way, but with all the activity several wisps had escaped and were now framing her face in gentle curls. She was a pretty girl although she thought her nose was slightly too long and her mouth slightly too wide, but these seeming imperfections sat well together giving her face character and a hidden strength. Daisy was only slightly shorter and although both girls were quite slim, there the resemblance ended. Daisy’s hair was shoulder length and a rich auburn colour that shone in the sun and that always appeared effortlessly tidy. Annie secretly envied Daisy’s hair which was such a contrast to her own unruly locks which her Mum would often say made her look like she’d been dragged through a hedge backwards. Daisy was nearly always smiling and although she was not conventionally pretty her face always appeared animated and she was never short of admirers.
However, by now, neither girl felt particularly attractive. When Annie did finally find Daisy, her face felt like it was burning from the heat inside the very warm hall and she was sure it was bright red despite assurances from Daisy that it wasn’t. It was at times like this that Annie cursed her fair skin that showed the slightest hint of redness and longed to have skin of a more olive colouring that didn’t show the heat. But Daisy had her own problems, for once her hair did not look pristine and was hanging limply and the heel had come off her shoe after someone had trodden on her foot in the scuffle. This had left her with one wet foot where she had stepped in a puddle.
‘Never mind luv I’ll lend you one of my boots’ the remark, from an attractive dark haired man with sparkling green eyes, was greeted with hoots of laughter from those in hearing distance and then appreciative smiles as Daisy joined in.
‘Maybe we could swap?’ Daisy asked gratified to hear even more laughter.
‘How about a lift home instead?’ the speaker was tall, around 5 foot 11, had short fair hair, soft blue eyes with flecks of grey that sparkled when the light hit them and was very good looking. Although the remark was addressed to Daisy it was Annie that he was looking at. Drawn by his voice, which struck a chord somewhere deep within her, Annie looked up into his eyes and was lost. As they made eye contact the intensity of his gaze seemed to go right through her, lodging in the pit of her stomach and it was some time before she was able to break eye contact. It was also some time before she realised why the voice sounded so familiar; it was her very own knight in shining armour.
2
Normally Annie would have refused an offer of a lift from someone she didn’t really know but she didn’t fancy walking home after such an exciting afternoon and in any case her will power suddenly seemed to have deserted her. Glancing briefly at Daisy she surprised herself by replying almost immediately
‘Thank you, that would be much appreciated’ she said smiling up into his face, her eyes fixed on his dazzling smile.
‘Rob’ he said holding out his hand ‘Robert Davies and this is Mike, Mike Jacobs, my best friend’ he indicated the man standing slightly to his right who had offered his boots.
‘Ah the man who wants to borrow my shoes’ Daisy said laughing as she took the outstretched hand. Introductions completed there was a moment of awkward silence and then both Annie and Rob spoke at once. Laughing they both stopped and Rob smiled
‘After you; ladies first’
Annie shook her head; suddenly feeling shy and Rob smiled ‘You don’t look like a communist?
Annie laughed
‘I’m not. Albert, Daisy’s brother, is a member of the ILP and he persuaded us to come along and show our support’
‘You’re not a political person then?’ Rob asked
Annie smiled
‘No, to be honest I’m very ignorant about politics, or at least I was before today. I’m going to take a much greater interest after this’ it was said with such determination that Rob didn’t doubt her sincerity for one moment.’ What about you?’ she continued finding it easier to talk to him than to look into his eyes which seemed to be hypnotising her.
‘Mike and I have always been interested in the rise of fascism since we watched the newsreels of Hitler coming to power.’ He hesitated ‘Mike’s Jewish so I suppose you could say we have a vested interest in what’s happening here today. We just feel it’s so important to stop the rise of fascism before it takes hold here as well’ he finished passionately.
Annie was quiet for a moment and then she said softly
‘Do you think that’s likely?’
Rob shrugged ‘Not if we make it clear we don’t want it, but if we all sit back and do nothing it’ll be here and it’ll be too late to stop it, like it is in Germany’
Annie was about to say something else when Daisy and Mike joined them
‘Albert’s gone off with that girl from the sugar factory, Sandra I think her name is so, he won’t be taking us home. We might as well leave, if that’s alright?’ Daisy suggested looking at Rob whose gaze was still fixed on Annie.
‘This way ladies’ He replied, finally managing to tear his eyes away from Annie in order to smile at her. He and Mike carefully escorted them back through the still chaotic streets to where he had parked his father’s Austin 7. As they walked they chatted and Annie listened as he told her all about the Spanish Civil War and how he and Mike had thought about volunteering.
‘Why don’t you come to one of the meetings with me?’ he asked suddenly stopping and looking deep into her eyes. Annie wondered if he knew the effect his eyes had on her and that when he looked at her like that, she was unlikely to be able to refuse him anything.
Mutely she nodded and then felt a thrill of excitement course through her body as he put his arm round her and pulled her close
‘I’m so glad I met you Annie’ he said delightedly and then he called out to Mike
‘Annie’s going to come with us to the meeting tomorrow night, isn’t that great?’
Mike glanced at Annie’s rapturous face and felt a slight stirring of unease but Rob looked so pleased that he didn’t have the heart to say anything so he just smiled and nodded
‘Good on you Annie. You’ll meet some really great people there, you’ll see. What about you Daisy?’
‘No thanks. I get enough politics at home!’ she said smiling to take the sting out of her words ‘Although I am open to other offers’ she added which made them all laugh and led to Mike arranging to take her to the pictures on the Wednesday instead.
They eventually reached the place where Rob had left the car and they all climbed in, Rob and Mike in the front and Annie and Daisy in the back.
‘I think you’ve scored a direct hit there’ Daisy whispered to her as they huddled together in the back of the car.
‘He’s gorgeous isn’t he?’ Annie was no good at pretending or lying. Her Dad always said that with Annie, ‘what you saw was what you got’ and it was true. Her feelings were inevitably written across her face and it was very easy to correctly identify her mood. To Daisy it was perfectly obvious that she was hopelessly in love with the tall handsome man who was busy concentrating on driving and on avoiding the odd fight that was still going on in the streets of the East End. She smiled and then took Annie’s hand
‘Just be careful Annie. You don’t know anything about him. Yes, yes...’ she waved away Annie’s protest ‘I know he’s handsome but don’t rush into anything. I’d hate to see you get hurt’ she finished knowing that it was probably too late anyway. One look at Annie’s face was enough to know that she was well and truly smitten. The only good thing was that he appeared to feel the same. He hadn’t taken his eyes off her since they had first spoken. She sighed, wondering why she felt so uneasy. They had only just met, it could all fizzle out in a couple of weeks but somehow she didn’t think so. Something told her this was the real thing. Coming to a decision she firmly pushed away the nagging little voice in her ear and squeezed Annie’s hand.
‘So can I be bridesmaid?’ she said with a laugh.
‘What was that? Rob asked. There had been a lull in his conversation with Mike and he had suddenly realised the girls were whispering in the back.
‘Oh nothing’ Annie was absolutely mortified and as if to back up her discomfort a deep red flush began to spread over her face. ‘Nothing important’
‘She was just telling me about some friends of hers who were getting married and I asked her if she was going to be bridesmaid’ Daisy quickly interjected.
‘Oh’ Rob replied sounding disappointed, his eyes twinkled as they met Annie’s in his driving mirror. ‘I could have sworn you said something else’
Realising he was laughing at her Annie decided it was probably safer not to answer and after finally managing to drag her eyes away from his she realised with a sense of disappointment that they were nearly at her house.
He pulled up outside the small neat terraced house where she directed him and she reluctantly climbed out of the car. Rob arranged to pick her up the next night at 6.30pm, so they had plenty of time to get to the meeting and then he drove home, leaving her floating on air. Not wanting her parents to see her dishevelled state she hurried upstairs and quickly disappeared into the bathroom. But her parents were not so easily put off. They had heard about the fighting at the demonstration and within seconds her mother was standing outside the bathroom asking her if she was alright
‘Yes I’m fine Mum, I just needed to get out of my clothes because I got splashed by a bus’ she replied
‘You didn’t get caught up in the fighting then?’ Ivy asked sounding concerned ‘We heard all about it on the news
Not wanting to lie Annie replied ‘I did but I’m perfectly alright honestly Mum.’ Not entirely satisfied her Mother went back downstairs to relay Annie’s assurances to Frank, Annie’s father who was not entirely convinced either. But they realised they were unlikely to get anything more out of her tonight so they resolved to leave it and continue the conversation the next morning.
Upstairs Annie climbed gratefully into the warm, rose scented bath water, closed her eyes and allowed her thoughts free rein to plan her future with Rob.
Back in the car Rob was much quieter than usual and eventually Mike spoke
‘Everything all right Rob?’
Rob nodded and then, taking his eyes of the road and looking straight at Mike, said enthusiastically
‘Isn’t she wonderful? I think she’s the girl I’m going to marry’
The car swerved, the car behind hooted loudly and Rob quickly fixed his eyes back on the road without waiting for Mike’s reaction.
Mike opened his mouth to say something funny thinking he must be joking but one look at his friend’s face told him that he was deadly serious. He looked at him in alarm
‘You’ve only just met her’
Rob nodded, this time keeping his eyes on the road in front of him, much to Mike’s relief
‘I know, but I can’t help it. It’s as if I’ve always known her and that I’ve always known I would marry her’
Mike didn’t answer mainly because he didn’t know what to say. Unlike him Rob was not given to whims or acting impulsively, which made his behaviour all the more strange. If anyone acted on impulse it was him, Rob was always the thoughtful one, the one who considered all the options before jumping in. Mike was about to say something else then he relaxed, it was bound to be a whim, a passing fancy. He’d get over it, he was sure. But then, looking again at the set look on Rob’s face he suddenly wasn’t so sure.
He’d known Rob a long time. They had met at elementary school and been friends ever since. At a time when Jewish people were often shunned by society, Rob’s family had been refreshingly progressive in their outlook. They had taken to Mike immediately and his Jewish origins had never been an issue. He had spent almost as much of his childhood at their house as he had at his own and Rob was as welcome at his own house. As teenagers, the rise of fascism had worried Rob almost as much as Mike and as they followed the rise of Hitler on the newsreels and in the newspapers they both privately thought it would not be long before Europe was at war again, despite what the politicians kept saying.
The Spanish Civil War had already caught the imagination of both young men and they had already discussed whether they should go and join the growing band of volunteers in the International Brigades who were fighting in support of the Republican Government against the Nationalists who were supported by Italy and Germany. But so far neither had taken the plunge. Before Rob had declared his undying love for a girl he had only just met, Mike had felt that the events of that day had now tipped the scales in favour of them going but he had reckoned without the complication of Rob suddenly falling in love. He didn’t begrudge his best friend anything so if he decided not to come then he would understand. He would miss him but he would go anyway; today had made that decision for him and nothing would talk him out of it.
The meeting the next night was well attended and Mike had to admit that Annie seemed to be as enthusiastic about helping as he and Rob did. After the meeting they stayed behind with several other people who were also considering going and they all spent a lively couple of hours discussing what they could do to help. As the caretaker came round to shut the hall they were finally persuaded to leave and as they walked back to the car they discussed their next move. Mike was now quite adamant that he should go and go immediately but Rob was not so sure. Surprisingly Annie was quite enthusiastic about them going to Spain even suggesting that maybe she too should go. Once they had recovered from their surprise they both did their best to talk her out of it. Unable to say exactly what she could do if she did go and not yet confident enough to argue her case Annie backed down although she emphasised several times that she would not try to talk Rob out of going if that was what he wanted to do. In fact she would support him completely. However Rob was not entirely sure now, torn as he was between supporting his best friend and staying with Annie. Eventually, after much discussion and several tours of the local park it was finally agreed that Mike would go to Spain on his own, at least to start with. It was obvious to Mike that Annie felt very guilty about Rob not going so he hastened to reassure her that it wasn’t her fault, that Rob had never been quite so enthusiastic as he had and that although it would be strange without Rob he would survive. The last bit was said with a big smile and on impulse Annie gave him a hug.
‘You will take care of yourself won’t you?’ she said
He hugged her back, nodding, until Rob pointed out, somewhat peevishly that Annie was his girlfriend so perhaps he could have her back. They all laughed and the decision was made.
For Rob it was the first time he had been apart from Mike for any length of time and several times he was on the verge of going to join his friend, but his parents always managed to talk him out of it, even though Annie was at pains to make sure he knew it was alright with her if he wanted to go. They discussed it endlessly but as the winter wore on Rob was still no nearer making a decision.
Their relationship had now developed further and from Rob’s first tentative kiss they now spent hours cuddling and kissing although Annie refused to go any further than what was euphemistically known as ‘heavy petting’. She had been bought up to believe that sex before marriage was wrong and although she knew that Daisy had been to bed with an earlier boyfriend she refused to be persuaded otherwise. Despite this, in the heat of passion, Rob couldn’t help trying to persuade her to let him explore further and often Annie would go home feeling she had spent the evening fighting off an octopus.
Although Rob found this intensely frustrating at times he did respect her wishes and he found that the easiest way to distract himself from his lustful thoughts was to think about his friend and wonder what was happening to him. He had received some letters from him but the post was intermittent and he often had to wait a long time between correspondence. He also had a feeling that the letters didn’t tell the true story. The first one had been full of an excitement and enthusiasm which subsequent letters lacked, but either he went to join him or he would have to make do with second hand news.
His relationship with Annie had deepened considerably and for the most part was one of harmonious love and laughter. But there were times when his sexual frustration and guilt about Mike boiled over and they quarrelled, flinging names and insults at each other with as much venom as an old married couple. Several times she threatened to end it only for him to beg her forgiveness as he realised that nothing could be worse than losing her. He knew the problem was mainly his fault and that its cause lay in the fact that he was still torn between staying with Annie or going to join his friend. Unable to decide where he should be, he veered first one way than the other and it was only because Annie understood and loved him beyond distraction that their relationship survived at all.
Eventually however, as he and Annie watched the dreadful newsreels showing the German aircraft bombing the Basque town of Guernica in April 1937, Annie made the decision for him. The bombing had killed 1000 people, destroyed most of the town, leaving hardly a building intact and the whole of the town in flames. The planes were even filmed strafing the flocks of sheep in the fields surrounding the town. They knew there had been a big battle in Jarama in February and that the Republicans and the International Brigades had sustained heavy casualties and as he had not heard from Mike for several weeks she knew he was becoming increasingly concerned for his friend.
As they left the cinema Annie stopped and facing him said clearly
‘Why don’t you admit it Rob? You’re torn between staying here with me and going to find Mike.’ Before he could say anything she rushed on ‘I’ve got a possible solution. I’m not a trained nurse and I probably wouldn’t be much good as a soldier but I am sure there is something I can do and if you’re prepared to risk your life then so am I. I think you should go and I should come with you’
Seeing him about to protest she interrupted quickly
‘There are plenty of other women going out there so why do you think I’m not up to it?’ Before he could argue she carried on, trying to fake an anger she didn’t really feel but knowing she had to make him listen or he would continue to prevaricate and that was only making him miserable.
‘What right have you to tell me that I can’t go? Why shouldn’t I do my bit too? You keep telling me often enough that if we don’t stop fascism it will come here and then I will be affected anyway so I have a right to come with you and if you try to stop me I’ll go on my own’ she finished mutinously. She had absolutely no intention of going on her own, it was a big enough step anyway, let alone one to take alone but she was counting on the fact that he didn’t know her well enough to know that.
There was silence as he digested her words and then Rob picked her up in his arms and swung her round whooping for joy. ‘Looks like we’re off to Spain then!’ he whispered gleefully in her ear.
Annie held him tight and closed her eyes, gratified that he was so happy. Deep down within her a little voice offered up a small prayer that she was not going to regret her decision.
3
As it was illegal for British Nationals to fight for the army of another country and both Britain and France had signed a Non-Intervention Pact, they had to plan their journey carefully. Having made up their minds to go Rob contacted the local communist party organiser who, after emphasising that he was to keep it a secret, gave him instructions on how to get to Spain without getting caught and arrested. Rob and Annie quietly made their plans and said nothing. Neither of them had told their parents they were going, instead they wrote long letters explaining why they had to go and apologising for any distress they might be causing them. Then they handed in their notice to their respective employers and one sunny morning in May, they crept silently out of their homes and took the early train to Victoria railway station. They took the minimum of luggage with them and left the letters for their parents in their rooms hoping to be out of the country before they found them.
The authorities had soon realised that an easy way to stop people going to Spain was to refuse to issue them with passports thus preventing them from leaving the country. To circumvent this, British volunteers were told to purchase special weekend return tickets to France from Victoria railway station because these did not require passports. However it was not always straightforward as sometimes Special Branch would confront the volunteers at the station and try to persuade them not to go, although they never appeared to arrest anyone. But Annie and Rob were lucky; on the day they left there was no one to be seen apart from other young men and women who were also buying the special tickets.
As they sat on the train and waited for it to leave the station Annie and Rob held hands and looked at each other.
‘This is it then?’ Rob said suddenly sober ‘Are you absolutely sure you want to come. You can still change your mind and get off the train’
Annie squeezed his hand but didn’t answer. She was far from sure it was the right thing to do but she couldn’t carry on watching him tear himself apart as he tried to do what was right for both his friends. This was definitely the best solution for him; she just had to hope that it was also going to be the best decision for her. Of course she couldn’t tell him that so she just smiled, kept her fingers crossed and said nothing. The train left on time and before long they were on the south coast and waiting to board the cross channel steamer to France.
Although they had been told not to draw attention to themselves by travelling together, many of them had never been further than their village or town, let alone out of the country. Although it was an adventure and there was an element of excitement, many found it was also quite daunting to be travelling to a foreign country especially if they were unable to speak the language, so before long they had formed small groups and from then on travelled together.
The channel crossing was smooth and uneventful, the sea gentle and calming as Rob and Annie stood on the deck and watched the white Cliffs of Dover fade into the sea haze that was now obscuring the coastline. On arrival in Calais they took the train to Paris where they were met by a Communist Party representative. Rob had to undergo a medical to make sure he was reasonably fit and Annie had an interview to work out how she could best be useful once she reached Spain. This was followed by a ‘political evaluation’. For both Rob and Annie this was the hardest part as neither of them were communists but they successfully managed to convince them of their sincerity for the cause and then it was over; they had overcome the first major hurdle and had been accepted. They were directed to a small hotel for the night and here they ate their first foreign meal, some kind of strongly flavoured stew and a long stick of French bread. Afterwards, despite their tiredness, they made the most of their time in Paris and went for a walk along the famous South Bank and had a quick look at the Eiffel Tower and Notre Dame.
‘One day I’ll bring you here properly and we’ll spend days here just walking around seeing the sights. Would you like that?’
Annie nodded ‘Mmmm, I’ll look forward to it but now’ she couldn’t help yawning widely ‘I think we should go back to the hotel. I’m sorry but I’m exhausted and tomorrow looks like it could be a long day’
Rob turned her face towards him and kissed her passionately
‘I love you so much you know. I do know what you’ve done for me’ he finished much to her surprise. But before she could answer he put his arm round her and they began the long walk back to the hotel. To Annie’s relief they had been given separate rooms which made it much easier to say goodnight at the door. She had a horrible feeling that if they had been sharing a room she would have found it very difficult to resist him and she didn’t want to be travelling to a strange land with her only companion not speaking to her because she had spurned his advances. She wanted him as much as he wanted her, of that she had no doubt, but if they slept together there was always the risk she would get pregnant. It would have been bad enough getting pregnant in England but here, so far from home with neither of them knowing whether they would even be coming home, would be a complete disaster and one she wasn’t prepared to risk.
In no time at all they were both asleep and despite the strangeness of their surroundings, her worries for the future and his unspent lust, they both slept surprisingly well and the next morning found themselves on a train to the Spanish border.
To their surprise the train was full of other people, from various nationalities, also going to fight for the Spanish Republic and there seemed to be little secrecy now about where they were going. For a while there were even banners proudly proclaiming the Spanish Revolutionary Government’s slogan, ‘They shall not pass’, (No Pasarán) being waved optimistically out of the windows and Annie and Rob joined in with the chanting, pleased to be part of something so momentous.