Child Molesters, Child Rapists, and Child Sexual Abuse
Why and How Sex Offenders Abuse:
Child Molestation, Rape, and Incest Stories, Studies, and Models
by
Dr. Lynn Daugherty
Author of the
award-winning bestseller
Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse
and selections from it,
Published by
Roswell, New Mexico USA
Copyright 2011 Lynn Daugherty
Smashwords Edition
Chapter 1. Questions and Answers about Child Sexual Abuse
Chapter 2. How Does Child Sexual Abuse Happen?
Chapter 3. Who Abuses Children Sexually?
Chapter 6. Female Sexual Abusers
Chapter 7. Children Who Abuse Other Children
Chapter 8. Other Types of Child Sexual Abusers
Chapter 9. Treatment of Child Sexual Abusers
A Selection from Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse (Even if they are adults now)
Reading this book could bring on strong, unpleasant thoughts and feelings. These could even lead to thoughts of suicide or other injury to self or others. If you find yourself overwhelmed by these thoughts or feelings, please seek professional mental health services immediately!
This book is not intended to replace the services of a professional mental health counselor, or to provide professional psychological services to you. If you need expert professional help, you should seek the services of a competent mental health professional.
Every effort has been made to make this book as accurate as possible. However, mistakes, both typographical and in content, may occur. Furthermore, this book contains information that is current only up to the date of publication. Therefore, this text should be used only as a general guide to understanding child sexual abuse and abusers and not as the ultimate source of information. Please learn as much as possible about child sexual abuse and abusers from all available sources and tailor the information to your own individual needs.
The author and Cleanan Press, Inc. shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly, by the information contained in this book.
Widespread public awareness of child sexual abuse has only begun to develop during the last few decades. Even experts in the field are just beginning to study it carefully.
Many questions about child sexual abuse still remain unanswered. With time, definitive answers will be discovered.
Fortunately, much information is already available. Current studies and research provide at least some answers to some questions that more and more people are asking right now:
What is child sexual abuse? How common is it? Who are its victims? (Chapter 1)
How can child sexual abuse take place? (Chapter 2)
Who are these people who abuse children sexually and why do they do it? (Chapter 3-8)
Can child sexual abusers stop abusing? (Chapter 9)
This book is written to provide you—a parent, a former victim, a mental health professional new to the field, or a concerned member of the general public—with a basic understanding of how and why child sexual abuse takes place in our world today, and to give you insight into some of the motivations that lead people to abuse children sexually.
~ ~ ~
A Note about the Stories of Abuse: Only actual personal stories of victims and abusers are included in this book. They are selected to illustrate various types of abuse and abusers. Some details of the stories have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved. When a particular type of abuser or abuse is not illustrated with a story it is because the author never encountered that particular type of abuser in her practice of psychology.
Chapter 1. Facts About Child Sexual Abuse
These are common basic questions about child sexual abuse:
What is sexual abuse?
Sexual abuse takes place any time a person is tricked, trapped, forced or bribed into sexual activity. It most often involves unwanted touching of the victim, but can involve any of a wide variety of sexually motivated activities.
Why is sexual abuse wrong?
Sexual abuse is wrong because it hurts people! Sometimes it hurts the victim physically. More often it causes the victim to suffer psychologically. It can cause fear, confusion, anger, shame, depression and lowered self-esteem for the victim. These can lead to other serious problems later in life.
Each person’s body is private and belongs to that person alone. Each person has the right to decide who may touch his or her body, when it may be touched, and how. Sexual abuse violates the right of each person to make important decisions about his or her own body.
What is the difference between sexual abuse and “normal sex play?”
It is normal for children to explore their own and other children’s bodies and for children to touch their own bodies or those of other children in ways that feel good. This “normal sex play” is one way we learn about our bodies and our own likes and dislikes. It is also one way we learn about the bodies of other people.
Sexual abuse is different. It involves sexual contact that is tricked, trapped, forced or bribed. Usually the abuser is older, more knowledgeable, or more powerful than the victim and takes advantage of this difference.
What happens during child sexual abuse?
Sexual abuse may include any type of sexual activity. It can range from forcible rape to gentle but unwanted touching. Being unwillingly exposed to the genitals of another or forced to show one’s own genitals to someone else is also a form of sexual abuse. Involving a child in pornography or prostitution constitutes sexual abuse, as well.
Are boys ever sexually abused?
Both boys and girls are victims of sexual abuse although girls are probably victimized more frequently. Approximately ten percent of all victims reporting sexual abuse are boys, but probably many more are abused.
Who sexually abuses children?
Children are usually abused by someone older than themselves. Often the person is in some position of authority over the child. This may be an adult stranger, a parent or step-parent, an aunt or uncle, a grandfather or grandmother, a teacher, a spiritual counselor, or an adult friend. It may even be a teenage babysitter, an older cousin, an older child in the neighborhood, or an older brother or sister. Four out of five child victims are sexually abused by someone they know and trust, rather than by a stranger.
How does child sexual abuse happen?
Although violent sexual attacks on children sometimes take place, the sexual abuse of children usually involves more subtle force. This may be threats of harm or threats of “telling on” the child for some misdeed. Other times the child may be bribed with gifts or special privileges. In some situations the child may simply want to please or appease the abuser.
Children are often tricked into unwanted sexual contact. This may involve games that start out as fun and end with unwanted contact. Sometimes the older person tricks the child by telling him or her that what they are doing is “okay” or that “everybody” does it, or that it is for the child’s own good, or for his or her education.
The sexual abuser’s power, knowledge, and resources are greater than those of the child victim. The abuser uses this difference to take advantage of the child.
What different patterns of child sexual abuse occur?
Child sexual abuse can be divided into three patterns that may have different effects on the victim.
Brief incidents of abuse:
This type of sexual abuse happens as an isolated incident. While this type of abuse is often perpetrated by the stereotypical “dangerous stranger,” the abuser may also be an acquaintance. A stranger may expose his genitals to a child who is walking down the street. An acquaintance may try to touch the child’s genitals while in a movie. A child may be kidnapped and raped. Both boys and girls are commonly the victims of brief incidents of sexual abuse.
From a female victim of a brief incident of abuse:
I was just starting to develop. One day I was riding the subway with my mom at rush hour and it was packed. Suddenly I realized the guy next to me was feeling me up. I just froze. He looked me right in the eyes and grinned, and kept doing it. I didn’t know what to do. My mom was right there but I was too shocked and embarrassed to say anything. I didn’t want her or anybody to know, and she never did. I felt trapped, pushed up against him. I just stood there frozen until he got off at the next stop. I still feel dirty when I think about it.
Abuse in a continuing relationship:
This type of sexual abuse occurs as part of an ongoing trusted relationship. The abuser may devote considerable time to developing the relationship, a process sometimes called “grooming” the child (and the family) for future abuse. This typically involves developing the trust relationship while also introducing the child to innocent activities that set the stage for later abuse. An example might involve the abuser casually putting an arm around the child in front of the parents, then hugging ever more intimately in private. The abuse usually starts gradually and continues for weeks, months, or years. The abuser may be a neighbor who invites the child to his or her house to play regularly. It might be a teacher, camp counselor, physician, priest, or family friend. The victim may be a boy or a girl.
From a male victim of abuse in a continuing relationship:
I think Father Angelo was really a little senile. I was only about five and he would take me on his lap whenever he came to our house to sit by my grandmother’s bedside. She was pretty out of things and died not long afterwards. He would wrap his arms around me and rub my crotch while he recited prayers. I’m not sure where my parents were during his visits but it was just me and him and my nonna in her bedroom. It seemed like a real special time. It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized this wasn’t right. By then he had died too.
Incest:
In this type of sexual abuse, the abuser is a member of the child’s immediate family, most often a stepfather or older brother. The victim is usually a girl but boys are also victimized through incest. The abuse usually begins gradually but happens more often as time goes on. The abuse may continue for years until someone outside the family discovers it or until the child grows up and leaves the house.
From a female victim of incest:
My older brother used to do it with me. At first I didn’t know any better. He would say “You’re going to play with my thing,” and I would until it got real stiff. Then he would say “Now I’m going to play with your thing,” Of course I didn’t have a “thing” but he would rub me down there. It was a fun secret game, just between us. Later, when I started to see it wasn’t normal, he threatened to tell Mom I’d done something bad if I didn’t play, or if I told anybody. This went on until he finally left home when I was about 10.
How do people use the Internet to abuse children sexually?
Some abusers find their victims on the Internet. They use chat rooms or social media websites to meet children and gain their trust. Then they may exchange sexual messages or pictures with their victims, or arrange face-to-face meetings to abuse them.
Abusers who exploit children through prostitution or pornography sometimes use the Internet to find other abusers who will use their services. They also use the Internet to find children to abuse through prostitution or pornography.
Some abusers use the Internet to meet other abusers. They share their views about child sexual abuse, ideas about how to find and abuse children, information about specific victims, or suggestions about how to avoid being caught or punished for their crimes.
How many children are victims of sexual abuse?
Statistics suggest that as many as one child in four in the United States becomes the victim of sexual abuse by the time he or she reaches the age of 18. This means that at least 25% of American adults were victims of child sexual abuse. Child sexual abuse is a very common problem around the world and is even more common in countries with unstable political or social environments.
The information presented in this book was collected in the United States, but studies suggest that much of it also applies in other countries.
At what age are children usually abused?
Children may be abused at any age from infancy to adolescence. The most common age for sexual abuse to begin is age nine. Most sexual abuse is reported by teenagers, but they have usually been victimized for many years before finally reporting it. Most sexual abuse, particularly that involving a continuing relationship or incest, starts before the child reaches puberty.
What do research studies tell us about the risk factors for being sexually abused as a child?
Research studies have been useful in identifying specific risk factors that increase a child’s chances of becoming a victim of child sexual abuse. It must be kept in mind that these “risk factors” do not “cause” sexual abuse. They only allow the sexual abuse to take place once the potential abuser is ready to abuse.
First of all, studies indicate that some factors often considered do not increase the risk of child sexual abuse. No difference in rates of abuse between African-Americans and Caucasians have been identified, and no difference between upper and lower socioeconomic groups have been found. Child sexual abuse seems to occur equally among socioeconomic groups. Religion, family size, and home crowdedness are also factors that have not been found to be related to the risk of child sexual abuse.
A number of background factors do seem to be clearly associated with higher risk of sexual abuse. Girls are at a higher risk than are boys. Children ages 8 through 12 are at a higher risk than either younger or older children. Girls with few friends in childhood are more often victims, but this may be an effect of the abuse itself.
Research studies suggest that the strongest and most consistent risk factors involve the parents of abused children. Children most at risk, especially girls, are those who have lived without their biological fathers in the home, whose mothers worked outside the home, whose mothers were disabled or ill, who witnessed conflict between their parents, who had a poor relationship with one of their parents, or who lived with stepfathers. Some studies suggest that the rate of sexual abuse among Hispanics may be slightly higher than that among Caucasians or African-Americans, and that the rate of sexual abuse among Asian-Americans may be slightly lower.
It makes sense that family variables may be highly important risk factors for a child. When a child is missing a parent, has a poor relationship with a parent, or has parents who are in conflict with each other, the child may be less well supervised. A poorly supervised child is less protected from potential abusers. Additionally, a child with poor relationships with his or her parents may be unhappy or emotionally needy. The child may then be more vulnerable to an adult abuser. The child may welcome the friendship, appreciation, gifts, or promises of the abuser. The child may be less self-confident and less able to stand up for him or herself in any situation, and thus less able to resist abuse. The child may also be afraid to tell his or her parents about the abuse because of lack of support from them.
The strongest risk factor identified for girls is the presence of a stepfather in the family. Shockingly, studies suggest that as many as 50% of all girls who grow up with a stepfather are sexually abused. Often, the stepfather is not the abuser, however, but rather the circumstances that led to there being a stepfather present, such as those mentioned above. The girl may have been abused before the stepfather entered the home. While a mother is dating, a variety of potentially abusive men have access to her children. Of course, a potentially abusive stepfather is also in a position to abuse the girl easily. Additionally, he may have friends who attempt to abuse the child because she is “not really” his daughter.
In spite of girls’ greater risk, boys often become the victims of child sexual abuse. It is difficult to know exactly how many boys experience child sexual abuse, however. Probably fewer boys than girls are abused sexually. Certainly, fewer boys report abuse. Boys are more likely to be abused by individuals outside of the family than by family members. Boys, like girls, are primarily abused by men.
Unlike girls who are sexually abused, boys who are sexually abused are likely to come from lower socioeconomic groups and families where physical abuse is present. For boys, physical and sexual abuse are more commonly found together. When a boy is sexually abused by a family member, that family member is very likely to be abusing other children in the family as well, especially girls. Boys victimized alone are more likely to be victims of non-family members and are generally younger than other victimized children.
Why doesn’t the child victim always report being sexually abused?
Children have many reasons for not reporting that someone has sexually abused them. The very young child may not realize that the abuser is doing anything wrong. Children are taught to obey adults. The child may not realize at first that he or she should object.
Later the child may not tell anyone because of fear. He or she may fear the abuser or fear not being believed. The child may fear that he or she will be punished or blamed for the abuse or that some harm will come to the abuser. The victim of incest may fear that the family will be broken up if anyone finds out about the abuse. Then he or she may work very hard to keep it a secret.
Some children keep the sexual abuse a secret because they enjoy the affection or attention that goes along with it. Another reason that children don’t tell anyone they have been sexually abused is because of their own feelings of shame and guilt. Child victims often believe that somehow the abuse is their fault and marks them as “bad” or “different.” They try to keep others from finding out how “bad” they are.
Sometimes when children try to report sexual abuse, they are not believed or are “hushed up.” They may give up trying to tell anyone else. This is especially true if it is a parent who does not believe the child.
What is Child Sexual Abuse Accommodation Syndrome?
American psychiatrist Roland Summit described a pattern of seemingly contradictory behavior often seen in victims of child sexual abuse and called it Child Sexual Abuse Accommodation Syndrome.
This syndrome describes a common pattern of reactions of children who are victims of incest. The reactions are all the normal responses of normal children who are sexually abused but are different from what other people expect. The difference between how a child reacts normally and how people expect a sexually abused child to react often makes it harder for the child to be believed if he or she finally does report the sexual abuse.
At first the child victim keeps the sexual abuse secret because of confusion, fears, and feelings of guilt and shame. The child feels helpless, powerless to stop the sexual advances of an adult that he or she depends on. So the child does nothing, often pretending to be asleep in bed at night while the abuse takes place.
As the abuse continues the child adjusts to it and is trapped by it. The child comes to believe that he or she is the guilty person who deserves to be punished by the abuse. It becomes the victim’s duty to keep the family together by submitting to the abuse and keeping it a secret.