Voices of Survivors
of
Child Sexual Abuse
(Molestation, Rape, Incest)
Selections from the
Award-winning Bestseller
Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse
by
Dr. Lynn Daugherty
Author of
Child Molesters, Child Rapists, and Child Sexual Abuse
Published by
Copyright 2011 Lynn Daugherty
Smashwords Edition
Chapter 1. Stories from victims of child sexual abuse
Chapter 2. Questions and answers about child sexual abuse
Chapter 3. Choosing a professional counselor
A selection from Child Molesters, Child Rapists, and Child Sexual Abuse
Reading this book can bring back strong unpleasant thoughts and feelings. These could even lead to thoughts of suicide or other injury. If you find yourself overwhelmed by these thoughts or feelings, please seek professional mental health services immediately!
This book is not intended to replace the services of a professional mental health counselor, or to provide professional psychological services to you. If you need expert professional help, you should seek the services of a competent mental health professional.
Every effort has been made to make this book as accurate as possible. However, there may be mistakes, both typographical and in content. Furthermore, this book contains information that is current only up to the date of publication. Therefore, this text should be used only as a general guide to understanding child sexual abuse and not as the ultimate source of information. Please learn as much as possible about child sexual abuse from all available sources and tailor the information to your own individual needs.
The author and Cleanan Press, Inc. shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly, by the information contained in this book.
Introduction
Victims of child sexual abuse need to hear three important messages:
1. You are not alone. Many, many children become victims of child sexual abuse. Former victims sharing their stories with you in this book let you know that many other children have had experiences similar to yours. Most have gone on to lead happy, successful lives. You can too.
2. The abuse was not your fault. The abuser was entirely responsible for the abuse. Always.
3. You can change the way you think, feel, and act. There are many things you can do to change the negative impact of child sexual abuse on your life. Reading this book is one way to start making changes.
This book was written for victims of child sexual abuse who are now teenagers or adults. It is also intended for their families, friends, counselors and others who want to understand and help them.
Chapter 1. Stories from victims of child sexual abuse
When something bad happens to you, it often helps to know that you are not the only one. You feel better if you know that other people have had the same kinds of problems. Here are some experiences other victims of child sexual abuse have had. Some were victims of brief incidents of sexual abuse. Others were victims of sexual abuse as part of a continuing relationship. Still others were victims of incest. All of these stories are true. The names and some of the details have been changed to protect the privacy of the victims.
Brief incidents
Brief incidents of child sexual abuse can take many forms. Some have great impact on the victim and others have little effect. Many children, both boys and girls, are victimized in these ways. Here are some of their stories.
Connie, age 33
I have always been terrified of hospitals, but I never knew why. Then one day it came back to me. When I was 12, I had my tonsils out. I remember a nurse came into my room one night after my parents had gone home. I was half asleep because of medication. She started rubbing my head, then my body under the sheet. She massaged my breasts, then my thighs and pubic area. I was scared and felt so helpless. I just “froze” until she quit and went away. I have had this really emotional reaction to hospitals ever since but had blocked out that whole incident.
Carlos, age 16
I was at the beach one day when I was about 12. I was all alone in the changing room when this old man came in. He came over to me while I was starting to put on my swimming trunks. He grabbed for me but I got away and ran home. I don’t go back there alone anymore.
Tina, age 13
I was walking along the road and this guy stopped in a van. He offered me a ride and I said, “No, I am almost home.” Then he opened the door and grabbed me by the arm and pulled me in. I was too scared to run. He told me to shut up and sit there. We drove out into the hills and he raped me. He did it twice. He kept saying he knew I liked it. Then he drove me back to town and let me out in the park. I walked home crying.
My mom kept asking me what was wrong until I told her. She told my dad and he went wild. I was afraid he was going to hit me, but he kept saying he was just mad at the guy.
They took me to the hospital for an examination. I don’t remember much. Then we went to the police station. They were really nice, but they just kept asking me the same questions over and over like they didn’t believe me.
The worst part was going back to school. Everybody asked me dumb questions and I felt like a freak. They all knew what had happened. They looked at me weird. I just felt dirty. I’d be sitting there in class and like a dream it would be happening again. I’d see the man and the van. I’d just sit there shaking.
I got real upset when we had to go to the preliminary hearing. I couldn’t sleep and then I threw up just before court. I’m so scared that they will let the guy out.
Glenda, age 16
It was really weird. I had just gotten my driver’s license and we went over to this older guy’s house. There were three of us girls. They knew him, but I didn’t. He gave us some beer and some pot. We were having a good time. Then he started joking around and trying to undress us. He said I could take his Mustang out for a drive once he “got to know me.” We were being silly and were mainly in our underwear then. He was being real friendly, acting silly and tickling us.
He showed us his bedroom and he had a video camera by the bed. He wanted us to get on the bed and do things with each other while he filmed it. I wouldn’t do it though and I felt real weird and left.
They stayed, but the next day they said they hadn’t done anything. I felt so dirty after that. Wow! If anybody knew what I had been doing there I would have died. He said lots of girls had done that stuff for him, but I don’t know. I’ve been so afraid the other girls would tell somebody what we were doing.
Greg, age 20
I was twelve years old when they put me in the juvenile detention center the first time. I had just been hanging around and the cops picked me up for curfew violation. I spent the night there and most of the next day.
That night, after the guard had left, the other guy in my room started hassling me. He was bigger but not a lot older, just tough. He wanted me to masturbate him but I wouldn’t. Finally he backed me up against the wall and said, “You’ve got three seconds, sucker! Go down or die!” I did what he wanted, then he left me alone. I lay awake all night though, scared to death of him.
Marti, age 19
It was just about when I started kindergarten. There was a bigger boy in the neighborhood that always kind of hung around. One afternoon he came in the yard and asked if I wanted to see his puppy. He said it was in a shed down the alley. I went to see, but there was no puppy. He gave me some chewing gum and said he was going to play a game. He took my clothes off and set me up on a box. He mainly just looked at me and licked and kissed me. Then he gave me a whistle and told me not to tell anybody and left.
My mom found me there. Then it seemed like it was all my fault or something. They got real upset and made me go with them to tell his mother. They called the cops and did a lot of yelling. I really didn’t have much of an idea what was going on, but I knew it was bad.
They wouldn’t let me even play outside after that. Then they wouldn’t say anything about it anymore. I couldn’t even mention it. I always had the feeling something awful must have happened to me, or I had done something awful, but I just couldn’t figure it out.
Shawn, age 32
One time we had a babysitter. I guess he was a neighbor kid. I was only about seven or eight. He came into the bathroom when I was in there. He took out his penis and started rubbing it. He tried to get me to touch it, but I told him to go away. I never said anything to my mother about it ‘cause I didn’t know what to say. We never had him as a babysitter anymore though.
Rod, age 42
I was sexually abused when I was a kid. It happened several times, always by men. One time was in a restroom at the bus station. Another time coming home from school, a gang of young boys grabbed me and pulled all my clothes off. Somebody came by and stopped them before they did anything else though.
It has always made me wonder if there was something wrong with me. For a long time it made me wonder if I was a homosexual or something.
Continuing Relationships
Sexual abuse often takes place in the context of a continuing relationship. It may go on for a long time before anyone finds out. The child victim often knows, likes and trusts the abuser. Parents are usually very surprised when they find out what has been happening. Parents usually think of a child molester as a dangerous stranger, not as someone who might be a relative, neighbor or family friend. Some of the stories of these victims are examples of trusting relationships being used for sexual abuse.
Carmen, age 15
I don’t know why it always happens to me. There must have been something wrong with me, I mean. There must be something special about me that I am chosen. It must be my fault. It seems like it has happened a lot to me.
The first time was when I was ten. My cousin and I were playing out in the woods. He is three years older than I am. We started playing around and kidding. We just touched each other and stuff like that. It was fun at first. Every time after that, we’d play together, we’d go out in the woods and do that. At least he would want to. I started to think that I really shouldn’t do it. I started to feel bad, like something was wrong.
For two or three years we would keep doing it though because I didn’t know how to say no. I just tried to stay away from him or stay around the other people when he was there. He told me he would tell if I didn’t go with him though. Finally they moved away. Now I only see him in the summers sometimes and nothing happens.
It happened again, or at least it almost happened, one time when my father brought his boss home. We went out in the back yard and he started putting his arm around me and telling me how pretty I was. I didn’t like it, but I just sort of froze. Then he felt my breasts and tried to kiss me and I ran away. I stayed in my room the whole night and told my parents I was sick.