44 Book Two
by
Jools Sinclair
Published by You Come Too Publishing at Smashwords
YOU COME TOO Publishing
Copyright © 2011 Jools Sinclair
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in, or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical without the express written permission of the author. The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events or locales is entirely coincidental.
Praise for 44
*****
A FANTASTIC novel! 44 was just about impossible to put down once I started. From the very beginning, there was an air of mystery that kept me on the edge of my seat… I highly recommend this fantastic novel!
The Caffeinated Diva
*****
Everything from the setting, to the time frame, to the characters, was beautifully developed. This book is truly a gem and I highly recommend it. It literally took my breath away.
Avery’s Book Review
*****
Sinclair sucked me in like a vacuum cleaner sucks up dirt. She brings mystery, love, and friendship to the book and weaves a lovely tale.
Just Another Book Addict
*****
IMPRESSIVE! 44 is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and will take readers by storm. With so much information in such a small book it will impress readers to the detail and depth in so few pages. The conclusion will take your breath away. Don’t miss you chance to check out this amazing story.
The Book Whisperer
*****
Fantastic, edge of your seat thriller. A MUST READ! It twists you about and as soon as you think you have it all figured out, throws you for the final loop with an ending that will break the hardest heart.
Wormhole
The first book in the 44 series
is available for free
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For O.
44 Book Two
PROLOGUE
It had been more than a year since he had last seen her and his heart ached to be with her again.
The faint sound of drumming seeped across the dark land, invading his thoughts. It was nice though, exotic and gentle, and it soothed him, often lulling him into a light sleep. Sometimes he heard soft voices whispering, telling their stories around the campfires he smelled at night. He found this comforting too.
The day had been long, but not difficult. Basic. Doing the work they expected of him. Nothing special, nothing important.
Most of the time he was able to push away the thoughts of what he had lost. The life he knew. Her. But lately it seemed nearly impossible not to think about it all.
He found himself thinking of her throughout the day as he worked, and at night, always right before drifting off to sleep. He knew he just needed to relax, let the time stretch out a little more. They would be together. It was destiny. They were linked by something greater than both of them. Something that wouldn’t allow the vast space between their two worlds to keep them apart. He knew that in his heart and soul. This was all just temporary.
He needed to be more patient and wait for a sign when he could return.
He inhaled sharply and looked up at the dull stars trying to shine through the thick band of haze. The yellow crescent moon kissed the dark sky. It was such a strange land. Dust coated everything, making the night look milky and unnatural.
He rubbed his throbbing temples and waited for sleep to take him. He closed his eyes and thought of her. Her hair, her eyes, her beauty. Her energy. He thought of the times he would walk along the river, breathing in the sweet aroma of the juniper and pine trees, staring at the striking snow-covered mountains in the distance.
They would find each other again, he told himself. They belonged together.
He awoke into the early morning heat, sweat already dripping down his face. He stood up and stared out at the horizon.
Night was always so odd here. Illusive, fast, half-dead. But in the early morning, something lifted. Life began again. The routines and chores of the day replaced the thoughts that ran rampant in the dark.
The large camp was coming to life. Women began cooking at small fires. Babies cried.
He still couldn’t shake her from his mind. He walked up to the small, muddy river and kneeled next to it, splashing his face with water.
At least he knew what she was doing in Bend. He had someone there, someone who was watching over her and who reported back to him. Someone who was his eyes and ears until he returned.
Two older men walked toward him on their way to the water for their morning prayers. The plight of the fool, he thought. Thanking this so-called higher power that turned a blind eye while they wallowed in poverty, war, and hunger.
“Good morning, Dr. Mortimer,” one of them said, flashing a toothless smile.
He smiled.
He glanced back at the camp. There were so many here on the edge of death, so many who died every day. It had made his job easy. He could do his experiments without that messy part. He didn’t have to hurry them along. They presented themselves to him. Death was just a part of life for these people.
And as he discovered, she didn’t show up if he didn’t kill them. That was an advantage too. Easier for now.
But he still wasn’t able to replicate that success he had with her. He needed to get back and find out why his serum had only worked with her. Why she was so special.
His heart fluttered thinking about her. This new emotion he now felt was strong. Powerful. He knew that together they could do incredible things.
A group of young boys wandered down to the shore not far from where he stood, playing with an old soccer ball. It reminded him of her. She loved the game.
He wondered if it was a sign.
He shoved his hands in his pockets, squinting in the sun. A warm, happy feeling shot through him the more he thought about it.
Yes.
It was time to return.
CHAPTER 1
I took a deep breath, trying to relax.
“Come on, Abby, you can do this,” Ty whispered in my ear as the rest of the group headed up the ridge to scout the rapids. I walked slowly behind them. “You’ve trained for it a long time and you’re more than ready. Just loosen up a little.”
Ty’s shiny, light eyes beamed into mine like he was trying to telepathically shoot me confidence or something. I smiled, battling the bile that was coming up and stinging the back of my throat.
“Thanks,” I said.
“You’re a great guide,” he said in a low voice right before we reached the people waiting on the trail by the river. “Hell, I taught you, of course you’re good. But you’re a natural too. You’ll do fine on this next one.”
It’s not like this was my first time down the river with the tourists. I had been out here all week. But the first run of the day always shook me up a little.
At the very least I knew I needed to hide my fear a little better. If Ty could see that I was nervous, my group probably would as well.
I pulled down my sunglasses and walked up to them, six somber Japanese tourists, staring at the whitewater with worried faces. I could see that they were really scared. Dark gray bands of energy hung over them as they stood stiffly next to Ty’s rowdy teenagers.
I forced a big smile, hoping it would help. They nodded politely.
I knew Ty was right about me being a natural on the river. I wasn’t sure why, but I was pretty good at reading the water and finding the right channels to shoot through, avoiding whirlpools and boulders and downed trees. I had trained for weeks in the spring and beat out more than a dozen other applicants who had been competing for the summer job.
“Okay,” Ty said in a loud voice that echoed off the trees and rocks. “Let me have your attention.”
I stood next to him as he started talking, the strong smell of the piña colada sunscreen that he always slathered on his arms filling my nostrils.
“This here is Big Eddy, a quarter-mile stretch of continuous class II and Class III plus rapids. This section is the most intense part we’ll do out here today, but it’s also the most fun.”
The teenagers cheered wildly for a minute.
Being able to bring the tourists up on shore to scout the rapids was one of the nice things about this particular river trip. People usually liked studying the raging waves and massive drops down the canyon. Big Eddy was a set of impressive rapids and seeing it was a thrill. It still took my breath away no matter how many times I’d done the run.
Ty pointed out the hidden rocks as he showed everyone the route. He also talked about the small but powerful whirlpool that we needed to avoid.
“Any questions?”
A few hands went up. As Ty answered them, I stared out at the water.
Although it was intense, the run wasn’t like a serious river trip. This was more of a tourist attraction. Little kids were even allowed to come. It only took about an hour or so to run the three miles and we did it four times a day. Our job was to make sure the customers had a good time, and then deliver them safely to the take-out point for the bus drivers to shuttle them back down to the resorts in town.
It wasn’t the biggest deal that Kate made it out to be sometimes.
“Ready? Let’s go!” Ty said as he pulled down his super dark sunglasses that wrapped around his eyes, making him look like an alien.
The other four guides were by the rafts upriver, waiting. They were all friendly enough, but I didn’t know them that well. They had all been river rats for the past few years and I was the newbie. Ty was the only one I really talked to.
We headed back to the water. Before taking my seat in the back, I helped Amber hold the raft steady while my group got in. The four women and two men smiled, but they still looked scared. It would probably have been better for them to have not seen Big Eddy up close.
Amber pushed us off and I lined up just behind Ty’s raft. My heart thundered in my ears as I grabbed my paddle, staring ahead.
The river immediately picked up speed.
“Okay everybody, remember, this is the fun one!” Ty said, his voice booming over the roar we were paddling into. “Yaw!”
The teenagers’ yells bounced off the black lava rocks. I back paddled a bit to give Ty room. My group gripped their paddles, waiting for my instructions.
Ty’s raft disappeared into the foam and mist and noise. Wild screams ensued.
“Okay,” I shouted. “Everybody ready? Paddles in the water. Plant your feet and paddle hard. Here we go!”
I waited another second or two before paddling, my stomach swaying with each roll of the waves. We were lined up okay, but I was left of where Ty had been, a little off from where I wanted to be.
The river took us, turning white and mean as we dropped and flew over the waves, water splashing into the boat. The current was strong and was trying to push us into the rocks on the right. I tightened my grip and paddled, telling myself I could do this. I could run these rapids. I could beat this water.
“Okay!” I called out. “Right side only.”
They listened well and did exactly as we had practiced, the three women on the left pulling out their paddles. The raft evened out as I guided us back into the middle of the channel.
“Good, okay, everybody now!”
The churning water soaked us as we lunged into the next drop, sliding into a wave. We passed the boulder in the middle of the river a little closer than I would have liked, but we were okay.
“Paddles out!”
I pushed my paddle deep into the water and steered us away from the last rock on the left and we dropped again, shooting into the middle of the suddenly calm river.
“Yeah!” I yelled. “Great job everyone!”
My group was all smiles, but unlike everybody else around us, they didn’t cheer or high five each other.
Ty gave me a thumbs up without turning around.
The other rafts joined up as we meandered down the canyon, past pine trees and rock cliffs. A crow cawed as it flew above us. I searched for the pair of bald eagles that lived in the trees nearby, but they weren’t there.
The hot sun baked my shoulders and a surge of emotion shot through me as I paddled us through the calm stretch. It felt incredible. This was the reason why I was out here on the river every day. With the roar of the rapids at my back and the beauty of the forest all around me, that new feeling swelled up inside.
Peace.
CHAPTER 2
It had been more than a year since I had seen Jesse.
Thirteen months ago, on a warm May afternoon, we sat by our lake and talked about how we died. His eyes sparkled as he looked at me. And then he kissed me. A long and passionate and sweet kiss. The kiss of dreams. The kiss that you remember forever because it’s the one.
And then he vanished.
I turned up the radio and let Adele flood the Jeep with another song about lost love as I waited at a light. Bend was packed with tourists. A large group crossed the street, mothers and kids and two teenage girls in bikinis, their arms wrapped around giant inner tubes, heading to the river.
I had searched everywhere for Jesse. At the basketball courts around town. On the hills of Awbrey Butte and at the parks. I followed every skateboard that scraped the sidewalk. I ran up to tall strangers and I waited outside his house. I lingered around the lake. I drove up to Mt. Bachelor on my own in the winter and searched all the ski runs hoping to find him speeding down the slick slopes with that crazy smile plastered on his face.
But I couldn’t find him.
I sighed as I pulled into the parking lot. I got out and walked across the grass.
When we were kids, Jesse and I always came here. It was our park. Sometimes we’d walk over after school and sometimes Kate would drop us off. He played goalie for me and I played one-on-one with him. Or we would just walk around talking while he dribbled his basketball.
It was a good place. I knew he would come here to find me if he could.
I sat down on the cement table, taking a deep breath of the summer air. I watched two kids throwing a Frisbee back and forth as I kicked at the benches. I scanned the play structures, the basketball courts, the fenced-off dog park.
I wasn’t going to give up. Jesse was out there somewhere, and I was going to find him.
But sometimes I did wonder if Dr. Krowe, the psychologist I used to see, was right that Jesse had just been a figment of my imagination.
“The mind is an incredible instrument, Abby. It can create whole worlds,” he had said during one of our sessions. He had helped me a lot back when I was recovering. I was having a hard time, lost in a dark place.
“Don’t you see?” he continued. “You invented Jesse. You loved him and couldn’t accept his death so your mind protected you through your trauma. It’s a miracle, really. Have you ever thought of what might have happened if you hadn’t had Jesse with you all those months? That maybe you wouldn’t have made it back psychologically? Having him around you in those transitional months probably saved you. And you must know that Jesse vanishing at the exact same time that you realized he had died is not a mere coincidence.”
Dr. Krowe was good people. I knew that. When I woke up after being dead for 44 minutes, I was a mess. I couldn’t see colors anymore, play soccer, or remember things. And then I started having terrifying dream-like visions of a serial killer. Dr. Krowe helped me deal with all that. And even though I still lived in a black and white world, most everything else was a lot better. He helped me out of the darkness.
But he was wrong about Jesse. Jesse was real. I could feel it.
But I needed to find him.
Jesse wasn’t the only ghost I saw. Since the accident, I saw other ones sometimes. They walked around with heavy energies and dark shadows swirling around them. I didn’t see them often, just once in a while. They were in crowds, in stores. Walking down busy streets. They stood a little ways from the living, lurking in this world and not willing to let go.
But they looked different than Jesse. Duller. Faded. Sad. And they had these frightening, intense eyes that gave me chills if I stared at them for too long. That’s how I knew they were from another world. They had ghost eyes.
The sightings always left me with a bad feeling afterwards. I tried to ignore them, ducking into stores or turning around and walking the other way. I didn’t know why I was seeing them and I didn’t care.
There was only one ghost I wanted to find.
I flashed back to when I saw Jesse in the hospital room, standing over my bed right after the doctors brought me back to life. He didn’t have his baseball cap on and his eyes were large with worry. I hadn’t even recognized him. But then he spoke.
“Craigers,” he said, leaning down and whispering. “I’m so glad you made it back.”
I had made it back from death to be with him.
And it took me nearly a year to figure out that he wasn’t even here.
My phone buzzed. It was Kate, calling to let me know she would be home for dinner.
A heavy surge of sadness rushed through me as I walked back to the car. The engine started along with Adele, always willing to share my sorrow.
CHAPTER 3
The house was hot and stuffy when I got home. I threw down my bag and flipped on the air conditioning. After taking a quick shower, I headed to the kitchen.
I had started cooking a few months ago after getting hooked on the Food Network. At first I made simple things, like steak and mashed potatoes and omelets and spaghetti. But then I went to the library and checked out cookbooks and started trying more complicated recipes. Lately, most of the dinners turned out pretty well.
There was something special about cooking, about chopping onions and fresh Italian parsley and smelling the different spices. Florence and the Machine sautéed on the stereo while I did the same thing to the garlic. The sweet aroma flooded the house.
I read over the recipe once more, double checking that I hadn’t missed anything before putting the glass dish into the oven. Then I sat at the counter skimming over other recipes in the cookbook and looking out the window. After about half an hour, I peeked in at the chicken parmesan penne bake. It was bubbling and almost done.
I was trying to do more things around the house to help out. Kate was still a little mad about the river guide job and I was hoping that the dinners would help smooth things over.
“Christ, Abby, couldn’t you have just found a summer job serving coffee or something?” she had said when I told her that I had been hired. “I mean, seriously. Why would someone with your history do something like that? I totally don’t understand.”
She had a point. It wasn’t logical and maybe it was even a little insane. Most drowning victims probably didn’t want to go anywhere near water ever again. And with everything Kate had gone through while I recovered, she had a right to be angry.
But I had to do it.
I tried to explain to her why I liked being on the river every day. I told her that sometimes I didn’t understand it either, but that the dark lake where I drowned had taken something from me and being on the river allowed me to take back some of what I had lost.
“Forget it, Abby. I’m putting my foot down on this,” she had said, her eyes wild.
She must have been thinking I was still a kid or something.
I took the job anyway. She didn’t speak to me for a few days, but after a little while she let it go. She still didn’t like it, but at least we didn’t fight about it anymore. Sometimes I felt guilty. I didn’t like for her to worry. But it was where I belonged.
“Smells amazing in here,” Kate yelled as she dropped her keys on the entryway table.
“Hey, Kate.”
Her heels clicked quickly towards the kitchen across the wood floor.
“Can’t wait to eat,” she said, patting my shoulder on her way to the fridge.
She swung open the wide door and stared inside for a long time before grabbing a small bottle of water.
As always, she looked great even after working all day. Her hair had been growing out and was pulled up loosely on top of her head.
“Good day?” I asked, closing the cookbook.
She drained half the bottle.
“Eh,” she said. “That trial is long and boring. It’s hard to sit on those uncomfortable benches for hours and then head back to the paper and write up the story for deadline. But I guess it’s coming along. I’m hoping they’ll wrap up next week. How ‘bout you? Good day?”
“Yeah, it was good,” I said.
She slid off her shoes.
“What are we having, by the way?”
“One should never ask,” I said, quoting from a favorite movie. “It spoils the surprise.”
“Thanks, Hannibal. Guess I’ll just have to wait to see then.”
I got up and checked on dinner after she left. A nice, crusty brown layer had formed on top so I pulled it out of the oven.
I served the penne on fancy white dinner plates with gold rims and put them out on the table with a bottle of white wine and a corkscrew. Kate appeared a minute later in sweats and a T-shirt and sat down.
“This looks great,” she said, inhaling the thick steam rising up.
She took the freshly-grated parmesan cheese I had put out and sprinkled some on the pasta while I uncorked the wine and poured her a glass. I served myself some sparkling water.
“To the chef,” she said and we toasted our glasses together.
She took a bite.
“Delicious.”
I agreed. It was really good. The flavors had come together nicely.
Within a few minutes she had finished and sat back in the chair.
“Want some more?” I asked.
“No, let’s see if that holds,” she said. “But thanks. It’s really nice coming home to this. You’ve sure become quite the cook.”
After a few minutes, we headed over to the living room and turned on the TV. Kate flipped through the channels, stopping at a news feature on CNN about a famous old basketball player who had written a book about depression.
“So, you had a good day?” she asked again, rubbing her face.
“Yeah,” I said.
“And that Ty guy? How’s he doing?”
It wasn’t like I had talked that much about Ty to Kate or anything, but she always asked about him ever since we bumped into him at Safeway one night. She didn’t understand about Jesse.
I could see the wheels turning in her head.
“He’s good,” I said. “Of course, Ty’s the type who is always good.”
“Yeah, he seems like a happy guy,” she said. “Does he have a girlfriend?”
“No,” I said. “I think he just got out of a relationship. At least that’s what I hear him tell the girls back at the office when they throw themselves at him.”
Kate smiled.
“Have you thought about going out with him?”
She did this a lot, especially lately. I knew she was concerned that I was still in love with a dead boy and wanted me to move on. There was no use in trying to explain anymore, so I kept things vague.
“Maybe,” I said. “But everyone seems to be after Ty as it is. I don’t think I would have a chance.”
“Nonsense. You guys would make a great couple. Why don’t you invite him over for one of your dinners?”
“That seems a little crazy.”
She threw her feet up on the coffee table and stared at the ceiling. I watched the gray waves dance around her.
That was one thing I had gotten really good at this past year. I was able to see other people’s moods, see how they were really feeling inside. Now I saw everybody’s energy all the time, whether they were friends, bosses, or strangers I passed on the street. Those waves were just a part of them, attached like their sweaters or jackets or faces. It was overwhelming and draining after a while.
But sometimes it was good information to have. Like with the tourists in my raft. I liked knowing if they were feeling scared or cocky or bored. The energy I saw didn’t lie.
And, of course, I didn’t mind seeing them around the people I knew, like Kate.
But I had to be careful, especially with her. She didn’t exactly like it, me knowing how she felt about everything. So I was quiet, never saying much about what I saw and waiting until she was ready to talk to me.
Kate flipped through the channels again.
“Oh, I got a message from Ben today.”
Dr. Ben Mortimer had brought me back to life after I died. Kate dated him while I was recovering. But when I started having visions about his brother Nathaniel killing people, everything went to hell.
Nathaniel had murdered four people in Bend. He of course didn’t see it that way. They had been sacrificed for the greater good. He said he had invented an antidote that when injected into people who had just died, could bring them back to life. Nathaniel told me he had given me the serum after I had been declared dead at the hospital. He said that I was his first and only success.
Although we confronted Nathaniel one snowy night at Dr. Mortimer’s house, he escaped and left Bend without ever facing murder charges. But he told me he would be back for me. He said he would need me to continue his research.
We hadn’t heard from Nathaniel since that night, and no one knew where he was. He had resigned from his job back East and had vanished into thin air.
Kate never forgave Dr. Mortimer for letting Nathaniel get away. They broke up shortly after and she had barely spoken to him since.
“What did Dr. Mortimer say?” I asked.
“He wants to see us.”
Her energy changed, moving quickly and turning into deep blacks and bright whites. It was always like that when she talked about him. She was surrounded by wild, turbulent waves that I guessed was love, and also hate. It made me a little sad, watching the intense emotions swell up around her.
Unlike Kate, I still kept in touch with Dr. Mortimer through emails and phone calls. Once in a while I even stopped by the hospital and visited him during his breaks, just to say hi.
Kate was angry because Dr. Mortimer had suspected his brother was killing people for his medical experiments long before we had put it together. She believed that if Dr. Mortimer had stopped him when he first realized what was going on, his last victim might still be alive.
Over the past year I tried talking to her about it and tried to get her to see things from his perspective. And it seemed like that was never going to happen. But just when I thought that she would never speak to him again, she started answering his emails. They were still an ocean away from each other emotionally, though. And now that she was with Colin, I doubted they would ever get back together.
“So have you talked to Ben lately?” Kate asked.
It didn’t bother her that I still talked to him. In fact, she told me that I should, that Dr. Mortimer saved my life and that he was a real friend. He was someone I could always count on.
“Maybe a month ago.”
“He wants to take us out to dinner,” she said. “But I don’t know. Maybe you two should just go. I don’t see the point of me going.”
I flashed back on the Thanksgiving we had a few years back, how he came over and how everyone was so happy. I really missed him. He was still like family.
“Kind of weird to invite us out like that, all of a sudden,” I said. “Do you think something has happened?”
Kate yawned as she pulled down the blanket from the back of the sofa, wrapping it around her. I had left the air conditioning on high while I was cooking and now the house was too cold. I got up and adjusted the thermostat.
“I don’t know, yeah, maybe,” she said. “I actually talked to him on the phone. Probably gave him a heart attack, picking up like that. I can’t remember the last time we spoke. But he seemed pretty happy, so I don’t think it’s too serious.”
“Gosh, you think? You mean he was actually happy that you talked to him after a year?”
She smiled at me and kicked my foot.
“Don’t be snide,” she said. “Besides, it hasn’t been a year. I saw him at that hospital charity thing in the spring. Anyway, I’m hoping that he has some good news. You know. About him.”
We always avoided saying Nathaniel’s name out loud.
“Yeah,” I said.
Since Nathaniel had fled, Dr. Mortimer had been trying to find him, although so far he hadn’t had any luck. I believed him when he told us that he would search the world for his brother, but I could tell Kate still had her doubts. She said it was just human nature to protect family and while she understood that, she expected more from him.
“You can’t protect a killer,” she had said often.
And she was right. But, while he may have hesitated at first, I didn’t think Dr. Mortimer was doing that now.
Maybe he was worried about her getting too serious with Colin. Last time I saw him, he asked me about their relationship.
“I guess there could be news,” I said.
Kate was quiet for a moment.
“Would you mind just going by yourself? I don’t know if I can face him quite yet.”
“Come on,” I said. “You should come too. It’s really not such a big deal. It’s just a dinner.”
And he did save my life, I thought. It seemed to me like we owed him. She sighed, like she had read my mind.
“Okay. You’re right. No big deal.”
“Good. And don’t worry. I’ll provide the sparkling conversation.”
“It’s going to be a long night then.”
Kate was always joking about my conversation skills because I essentially had none. While she would walk into a room full of strangers and have a dozen new friends on her Facebook account within an hour, I would be in the corner petting the cat. We were different like that. I didn’t even have a Facebook account.
I wasn’t sure if my awkward social skills were because of the accident or not. When I came back from being dead, a lot of people started treating me different. They thought I was a freak, blessed and cursed at the same time. And living in a small city, my story had gotten around. It felt like everybody knew about what had happened. They would stare at me with large eyes, suspicious of where I had been when I had died and what I had seen.
But it was finally getting better. In the last few months a veil had lifted and I was becoming more comfortable with who I was. People were leaving me alone too. It helped that I was free from high school. Away from old friends who I now scared or who just hated me.
“Yeah, okay,” Kate said. “We’ll do dinner. Can you go next Friday? We can meet up after work over at the The Old Mill.”
“Sure.”
I was happy she decided to come.
After he had escaped, I promised that I would always tell Kate about any new visions. And I kept that promise. Since the college instructor, I never had another one of Nathaniel killing anyone.
But I did have feelings about him sometimes, especially as I drifted off to sleep. Murky and dark, like he was watching from far away. I knew he was out there somewhere, lying low, still working on his research. I figured that as long as he was far away, I didn’t have to tell anyone. There was no use stirring all that up again.
“Okay, I’ll let Ben know,” Kate said.
“Good.”
It was silly, but I was kind of excited that we were all going to be together again.
It had been a long time.
CHAPTER 4
It felt great to be able to play soccer again.
To be out on the field, kicking a ball toward goal was one of the best feelings in the world. Those terrible memories of sitting on the bench in my senior year and watching my varsity team play without me were slowly eroding. Dr. Mortimer had been right. My body healed. It just took time.
It’s not like I was as good as I used to be, good enough to get a college scholarship or anything. I was just playing on a Parks and Rec team, made up mostly of 30- and 40-year-olds. There were a few people my age, but not many.
Our games were on Tuesday and Thursday nights in the summer league, sometimes late and under the bright lights. And even though I was playing with and going up against a bunch of rec players, I was getting better. I was dribbling and scoring and we were winning. Like old times.
And I was even making a few friends.
I walked up to the sidelines, dropped my soccer bag down on the grass, and took out my ball.
“How ya doing, AC?” Jack Martin asked as he walked up to me smiling.
He usually called everyone by their initials.
“Hey, Jack. I’m good.”
Jack was obsessed with soccer. He played on three different teams with a game every night of the week. He loved Real Madrid and DVR’d a lot of the Spanish league games, inviting the team over for soccer parties on the weekends. He was friendly and outgoing, but didn’t have that insane white energy surrounding him like Ty. Everybody liked Jack and he seemed to know all the players on all the teams.
“Another new jersey?” I said, checking my shoelaces.
He showed off the Real Madrid shirt and then turned around, modeling it. I cringed. I was a Barcelona fan.
“Just came today.”
We walked to the center of the field for the kickoff. The ref blew the whistle and we started the game.
“Give it to Abby, she’s open,” I heard Tim yell a few minutes in.
Bree passed me the ball and I took it in and shot hard, but the goalie had time to get in position and plucked it out of the air.
“Good try, AC,” Jack yelled from midfield.
Some of the players were brutal. Something about rec soccer seemed to bring out the worst in some people. High school girls could be clumsy, but this was beyond that. As they worked through their issues, some of these players became aggressive and crossed lines. Mostly large, overweight men in their 40s desperate to prove something to themselves and anyone who got in their way. It was dangerous out here and I was surprised there weren’t more injuries.
There were two of those guys on the team we were playing now. Fortunately I was a lot faster, but I still had to keep my eyes open and watch my back.
As I ran back, I noticed Kate and Colin were standing on the sidelines. It made me happy to see her there, watching me play. She waved and I waved back.
At the half, we were tied 0-0. Jack walked with me and I introduced him to my sister and her boyfriend.
“She’s a great player,” Jack said before leaving to get water.
Kate smiled.
“Wow, Abby. I still can’t believe you’re playing again. I love being out here watching you,” Kate said.
“Thanks for coming,” I said. “You too, Colin.”
He nodded.
Colin was always a little shy around me and usually didn’t say too much. I could tell that he was uncomfortable too. I figured Kate told him my story and it made him nervous. But at least he didn’t ask any questions.
The second half was tough but our goalkeeper did a great job. Then, close to the end of the game, Tim sent up a perfect pass and I took the ball in, made my way around the last defender, and shot at the top of the far post, right into the corner of the net.
The team erupted in shouts and cheers as I jumped up and down screaming. I guessed I had something to prove too. It was a sweet goal. Tim, Jack, and Bree came running up and gave me high fives.
The game ended a few seconds later.
“What a great goal!” Kate said, handing me my bottle of Gatorade and patting my back.
“Remarkable,” Colin said.
“Thanks. And thanks again, you guys, for being here.”
Kate rubbed my sweaty head as we walked to the car.
Colin was about her height and had light hair and an angular jaw and serious eyes. He was both smart and ambitious like her, but didn’t laugh or smile much, and was a little smug. I hadn’t spent that much time with them, but the few times we did hang out, they usually ended up talking about local politicians and city events. There was never too much fun in their conversations. It seemed kind of stressful.
“I bet it feels great being back out on the field,” Kate said, as we weaved out of the way of cars leaving the parking lot in a mad frenzy.
“It does,” I said.
I unlocked the Jeep.
“Wait. I’ll ride home with you. I have to grab my stuff. I’ll be right back,” she said.
Colin said goodbye and they walked over to his Precis.
I watched them for a minute. They just didn’t seem quite right for each other. There was no balance. And just like I could see if people were in love, I could also see when they weren’t.
Kate walked up, opened the car door, and threw her stuff in the back.
“Okay, ready Eddie,” she said.
I started the engine and pulled out onto the street.
It was warm and there was still a little light in the sky, with the edges of a few clouds lit up. It must have been a really nice sunset, but Kate didn’t mention it.
“I was a little worried for you during the game. That beast was after you, trying to take you down,” she said.
She pulled out her phone and checked it.
“Yeah,” I said. “Good thing I have some of my speed back.”
“The ref should have red carded him and thrown him out. I saw him trip that girl with the blonde hair.”
She fiddled with the radio and unrolled the window. Josh Ritter started singing about a lantern and lost sheep growing teeth.
Kate yawned, resting her head against her arm.
“How are you doing?” I asked, glancing over at her.
“Fine. I’m just tired.”
I nodded.
“How’s everything with Colin?”
“Oh, okay. I know you can probably see that I’m not in love with him or anything.”
I was quiet.
“I mean, not yet, anyway. But maybe I’ll grow to love him. I like him a lot. He’s smart and interesting and ambitious. Not a loafer, which is always good.”
I flashed back on one of her old boyfriends and smiled.
“Matt!” we said together, laughing.
Last time Kate had heard from Matt, the artist and professional moocher, he was living in a commune in northern California with his girlfriend and had a baby on the way.
I turned up our street and pulled into the driveway.
“What a great thing,” Kate said as she grabbed all her stuff from the backseat. “You playing soccer again.”
I followed her up the steps to the porch and inside, smiling.
It was.
CHAPTER 5
The sun beat down as we pushed off into the last run.
It had been a good day. I steered us through the rapids, hitting all the right channels, and there were no close calls. The customers had been good too. They were friendly and excited about going down the river. Even the group of teenagers had been surprisingly tolerable.
On the last run, I had three couples. They asked questions about Bend and how long I had been a guide. I told them the truth. It didn’t seem to bother them that I was new. We talked about the various wildlife in the area and then about the weather.
We pulled off to scout the river like we always did. Amber and the others led everybody on the short trail to the Big Eddy viewpoint. Ty and I stayed back with the rafts in the shade. It was hot, but a nice breeze blew into us off the water.
“So, Abby, when are you going out to dinner with me?” Ty said out of the blue. He was wearing those dark sunglasses so I couldn’t tell if he was joking.
My stomach did a backflip. I was trying to think of something clever to say. Luckily before I had a chance to respond, a little kid ran up to him and asked for help tightening his life vest.
“I’ll need an answer by the end the day,” Ty said.
I smiled nervously. I hadn’t expected it and wasn’t really sure what it meant. Maybe it was just like a get-together for burgers after work with the other guides. I hoped so.
We launched into the main channel and I straightened us up. The current was clipping us from the left, but I steered through it and we shot Big Eddy nicely. Large waves crashed in, soaking everybody, but it made them happy. It was a perfect day for getting drenched.
At the pick-up point, we pulled in and said good bye. The happy, wet tourists thanked us as they headed toward the bus, some coming back down and giving us tips. I got a few. I watched as a middle-aged guy in khaki shorts approached Ty and shook his hand, slipping him a bill.
“Thanks so much, I really appreciate it,” he said.
Ty walked over to me and we watched the bus pull out onto the dirt road, a cloud of dust rising behind it.
“Ha! Looks like I’ll be having a sweet weekend,” he said, snapping the $20 bill in front of me.
“As always, Mr. Tips.”
“Aw, I’ve been watching you raking it in,” he said. “I saw those families float some love your way.”
“Not like you,” I said, smiling and bowing my head. “You are the master.”
None of it really mattered because it was the policy among the guides to pool all the tips at the end of the day and split them six ways. It was Ty’s idea, even though he was always the one who pulled in the most money.
He stared at me for a moment and I wondered if he was waiting for an answer about going to dinner. I was hoping that somebody would walk up. Then he suddenly grabbed some paddles and headed to the van.
When he returned, he eyed my arms.
“Not bad,” he said. “You’re getting there, Abby Craig. By the end of the summer your arms will be like mine.”
He flexed his muscles.
I shook my head.
“Well, let’s hope not,” I said.
I didn’t plan on looking like a wrestler.
It was true though, that between the river and soccer, I was getting in pretty good shape. It had been a long time since I had felt strong. It gave me confidence about steering the raft away from the obstacles in the river.
We loaded the gear with the other guides and pulled up the rafts. The dry afternoon air felt good and I was glad the day was over. I was tired. I headed back down to help pull out the last raft.
Ty came up and started kicking at the river like it was a soccer ball, getting me all wet. He was such a goofball sometimes, especially at the end of the day. I cupped my hands together and scooped up water and threw it at him. We were both knee deep in the river and it felt good.
I slammed the water with both hands with all my strength, soaking Ty. He laughed.
“Okay, now you’re really in trouble,” he said.
He suddenly picked me up and tossed me in. But as I fell under the water, it all came back.
I was drowning again.
I couldn’t breathe and was sinking in the dark water down, down, down to the bottom. Panic ripped through me. My heart raced as I tried to hold my breath, tried not to inhale death. I started screaming, trying to push up toward the surface. But the darkness had a hold on me again. And it was trying to pull me down.
Suddenly an arm wrapped around my waist and lifted me up above the surface. I gasped to breathe, coughing up water. Ty helped me to the shore and I fell down to the ground as I sputtered and choked.
“You’re okay,” he said, slapping my back.
Amber and Jake ran up, looking on with worried eyes.
I finally caught my breath and stopped coughing.
“I’m fine,” I said.
“I’m so sorry,” Ty said.
He sat down next to me and put his arm on my shoulder.
“You know I was just joking, right? It was just meant to be fun.”
He kept staring at me. It was the first time I had seen him so serious and upset.
“Really. I’m fine,” I said, gently pushing him away and forcing a smile.
Most of the water was out of my lungs now and I was suddenly embarrassed. Amber and Jake both gave me an odd look and walked away.
I hadn’t been sure if they knew about me, but now watching their expressions, I was positive they did. They probably thought it was insane for someone like me to have this job.
I stood up.
“Just breathed in a little water,” I said. “I’m good to go. Sorry, Ty. You just caught me off guard, that’s all.”
I pretended to punch him in the gut.
“But revenge will be mine,” I said, forcing another smile.
Ty smiled back, cautiously. Gray waves surrounded him. He was quiet for a minute. I figured he probably knew about me too.
“You sure you’re okay?” Ty said.
“I’m all right, nobody worry about me,” I said, quoting from the Caddyshack song.
“Sorry, Abby. It was such a stupid thing to do,” he said. “I just, well, wasn’t thinking.”
He gave me hug.
He smelled good, like always, full of tropical sunscreen and river water and pine trees and sun. He smelled like summer. When we pulled away, I saw that he was back to the bright white waves that usually surrounded him.
“Let’s finish this up and get outta here,” he said. “Take a few moments though.”
He walked up toward the bus carrying a stack of life vests.
I took a deep breath and walked back over to the edge of the water. I reminded myself that everything was okay, that I was safe. That nothing bad happened.
And that’s when I saw her.
Floating above the river, not more than 30 feet away, she stood dressed in a long white gown, staring at me with icy eyes.
I jumped back, my heart hammering in my chest and fear shooting through my body.
She just hovered there, above the current, her eyes drilling into me. Chills ran up and down the back of my neck, but I couldn’t turn away. It was impossible to ignore this ghost. I just stood there.
I heard soft footsteps in the gravel behind me. It was Amber picking up the last of the paddles.
“Sorry,” she said loudly, smiling. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”
When I looked back at the water, the ghost was gone.
That familiar old dread swept through me like a tsunami, swift and fast and with no mercy. I stood there at the edge of the water for a while, numb and sick, trying not to vomit.
CHAPTER 6
I wasn’t going to tell Kate about the ghost.
Not yet anyway. Maybe it would be a one-time thing like the others. Maybe I had invented her. Maybe she wasn’t real.
I pulled up into the downtown parking lot and found a spot facing Drake Park. I got out and walked over to the edge of the plaza and did a quick scan, looking for Jesse.
I missed having a best friend. This was the kind of thing I could have talked to him about. Even if he thought I was crazy, it always felt safe to tell Jesse anything. And he always gave me honest feedback. I could tell him all my secrets.
I scanned the groups of people hanging out in the park, but Jesse wasn’t there. I walked over to Wall Street.
Kate and I were meeting downtown to go shopping. I didn’t really feel like going, but I didn’t want to cancel at the last minute. Besides, I needed a new pair of sandals and there was a sale at one of the shoe stores. I would have to hide the fear that was still churning inside me from her. But that wasn’t always so easy to do.
I saw her Subaru parked in the lot and figured she was probably in her favorite store. I started walking over in that direction and a minute later found her in the back at the racks.
“Hey, Abby!”
“Hey, Kate. Finding anything?”
I breathed slowly and deeply as I looked through the clothes, trying to calm down. She pulled out a gray suit jacket. I was sure I’d seen a bunch of the exact same ones hanging in her closet.
“Maybe. What do you think?” she said, turning it around and holding it up so I could see.
“Yeah,” I said. “It’s nice.”
I didn’t even own one of those types of jackets and I hoped that whatever I ended up doing, I would never need one. I was happy going to work in river sandals and water-resistant shorts and T-shirts.
I waited while she tried it on in front of a mirror. It was a nice fit.
“Oh, never mind,” she said, putting it back on the rack. “I have a few of these already anyway. Let’s go.”
We walked outside into the heat and down the street. The sidewalk was crowded. There was a good chance I might recognize someone from the rafting trips, but I didn’t care. It was nice to be walking around.
“I need a coffee,” Kate said. “I have to go back to work later. Want one?”
“Sure,” I said.
We turned down Minnesota and walked into Thump.
I always liked our regular coffee house. It had a good atmosphere and we had gotten to know the employees. The brick walls were decorated with local art and had a lot character. Kate and I came here often.
I sat at a small table in the back and waited while she ordered and brought back our usuals.
“Thanks,” I said.
We both talked about our days. She hesitated and studied me when I told her that I had a great day. Kate was always pretty good at picking up on lies, but she let it go.
“So we have our dinner this week with Dr. Mortimer, right?” I said playing with my cup. “You’re still coming, right?”
Kate hadn’t said anything about it recently and I hoped she wasn’t thinking of blowing it off.
“Oh, yeah,” she said. “No big deal, like you said. It’ll be fine.”
She had a lot of those little gray waves moving quickly around her suddenly. She was nervous. I was glad she was still willing to go.
Her phone buzzed and she stopped to read it, but didn’t say anything.
Someone came in and Kate waved.
“One of the TV reporters from the trial,” she said. “We sit next to each other all day on those stupid, hard benches. My butt is killing me. Tomorrow I’m bringing a pillow.”
I smiled.
“When was the last time you actually saw Ben?” she asked.
“End of April. I stopped by the hospital and dropped off those cookies I made for him.”
“Oh, yeah,” she said. “I remember now.”
“He says he wants to come watch one of my games,” I said. “He’s letting me know when he can make it. It’s hard since he works nights. I emailed him my soccer schedule a few days ago.”
Kate nodded.
“Make sure to tell me when he’s coming so Colin and I aren’t there on the sidelines. I wouldn’t want us all to meet, if you know what I mean.”
“Of course,” I said.
“Let’s continue shopping,” Kate said, picking up her paper cup.
We walked out into the sun and headed over to the shoe store. I found a pair of river sandals but they were super expensive, even on sale. I passed on them. I could find something over at Big 5. Kate looked around at the shoes, but I could tell by her face it wasn’t her kind of store. There wasn’t one pair of high heels in the whole place.
We strolled past the kitchen store and the wine shop and crossed the street, making our way to another clothes store. A shot of cold air greeted us as we opened the door and Kate headed to the back. I stayed up front and checked out the T-shirts and shorts.