THE ULTIMATE TRUTH ABOUT EVERYTHING
Copyright 2011 by Ken Noyle
Smashwords Edition
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301 ANSWERS TO ALL YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT GOD, LOVE, LIFE, SEX, DEATH AND OTHER GOOD STUFF
THE ULTIMATE TRUTH ABOUT EVERYTHING
BY KEN NOYLE
As I sit here writing this introduction I have to smile at the audacity of the title but no one can prove that anything I say is wrong. Sure they can argue or jump up and down as they scream their objections and may accuse me of blasphemy or heresy or even of concocting philosophical junk food, but the truth is...no ones truth is any truer than mine.
I know as much about God as the Pope, the Archbishop of Canterbury or Joel Osteen or even Mother Angelica and certainly as much as the television evangelist hucksters who raise money and titillate peoples hope-buds. So far they haven’t come up with any proof of God although they offer wonderfully convincing arguments and try to overcome credulity by rhetoric, but the ultimate truth of who is responsible for the wonder of our being I suspect will always be a mystery.
Believing that creation is controlled by an omniscient deity is a simple and comforting thought and a placebo that once swallowed relieves the mind of the responsibility of asking unanswerable questions. The truth is it really doesn’t matter who or what it is who in some inexplicable way creates this life that with all its marvels is ours to suffer or enjoy.
I find I am waxing serious and that is not my intent. I find that religion per se doesn’t move me at all, it’s too commercial and seems to be a grandiose rabbit’s foot and the words alleged to be the word of God are spoken though the mouths of much too clever religious ventriloquists.
Now as to the truth about love, even I of enormous gall would not attempt to try to explain this wonderful and necessary juxtaposition of time, circumstance and need. Poets and philosophers have tried to pin it down and we have been told that love is our birthright and so we seek it and if we don’t find it as promised we squeeze and mold some other emotion until it looks a lot like love. It may be an illusion, but life is not so much fun and ones ego is incomplete without it’s magic, so we compromise and convince ourselves that we have found it in some form acceptable to us or sell ourselves the idea that love is just around the corner even if we have to bend a few truths and nudge some circumstance to realize it. Being in love and loving are the Laurel and Hardy of emotions, loving is the straight part and being in love the shtick... (“A fine mess you’ve got us into this time Ollie!”)
I will not waste your time trying to explain the truth about politics, but one thing is sure, no one over the age of thirty should take it seriously for after you have discovered what is going on in Washington, no one in their right mind could possibly separate the corn from the chaff so sit back and enjoy the circus and allow the political clowns to perform their antics. Politicians are marketed like soap, the packaging is important, but will one brand of soap clean up the world better than others? I doubt it and as for being 99% pure...most unlikely, abrasive...usually, slippery...often and after a while the soap gets smaller and smaller unrecognizable from its original form until down the drain it goes and then it’s election time again!
Now it’s time to stop milking sacred cows and end this introduction so that we can get on with the good stuff. I had thought at first that I should divide the truth into different categories, but decided it would be more fun to mix things up. A semantic box of confections: bite into this one it is chewy, this one sweet and this one crunchy and many of them nutty!
Don’t try to swallow too many at one time, they are not to be gulped but savored; so chew a few and even spit some out or taste them with a grain of salt for you may not agree and if you think that you’ve heard something like these before...of course you have.
So here we go...
Here are my ultimate truths in bite-sized tidbits for your personal perusal. One more truth...It’s too late to get your money back.
We begin to die the day we are born.
If you believe in God, you’re only taking someone else's word for it.
The agony of indecision can be circumvented by trusting your first hunch.
Drugs are a crutch for the mentally challenged.
What ever happens, it maybe your own fault.
We all edit the tape of our past.
Lame excuses hobble you.
Hugs are as important as intercourse.
Don’t trust anyone who says, “Trust me.”
Ugly women are more grateful.
One can’t cast stones of hate without hitting oneself in the eye.
Love can often be a selfish emotion.
All we have for sure is now, and that’s already past.
We all secretly envy the super rich.
People who can but don’t read are more foolish than they know.
A penis has no conscience.
There is no sexual norm.
Insults are boomerangs.