We Chose Life: Why You Should Too
By Anthony Horvath
Smashwords Edition
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Published by the Athanatos Publishing Group
www.athanatosministries.org/group
Official Web Page of We Chose Life: Why You Should Too: http://www.wechoselife.com
There are study guides for this book available at the official web page.
Cover Design by Luke Thompson
http://www.sojournerdesign.org
About the Cover: The front cover is based on the picture of the actual room where the ‘question’ discussed in this book was asked.
Copyright Anthony Horvath, 2008.
Print ISBN: 978-09822776-1-4
About the Author
Anthony Horvath is married and the father of four. His youngest daughter was born with Spina Bifida in 2007. In the course of discovering his daughter’s condition he and his wife were asked if they wanted to ‘terminate.’ This book explains why they said “No!”
Anthony is a former teacher and is the author of a variety of fiction and non-fiction books. His columns have been published on several well known online news and commentary sites. He devotes much of his time to answering questions about why he believes that Christianity is true.
Anthony is available to speak with individuals who want to learn more or want to share their experiences. Or, if you are in a similar situation and don’t know what to do, he is open to a phone call. He is also available to speak at churches, schools, and groups about his experiences. See the web site for contact information.
As of 2011, Anthony is the president of Wisconsin Lutherans for Life and a member of Lutherans for Life’s national speaker’s bureau.
Table of Contents
The Unborn are Due the Rights And Privileges We Extend To All Persons
But What About the Woman’s Body?
Appendix B: There is a God and He Died on a Cross and Rose From the Dead
You probably have this book in your hands because you have just received terrible news: something is wrong with your baby. If that is the case, I can guess how you might be feeling. I know, because I’ve felt the same way. My wife and I found out at the 20 week ultrasound that our baby was a girl (that was good news!) with a severe birth defect called Spina Bifida. We were thrust into shock and remained there for a solid month. This period can really be described as a grieving period. I think you know what I mean.
The purpose of this book is to provide a measure of encouragement. Even grief is more bearable when we know that we are not alone in it. There are hundreds of thousands of people who have experienced what you and I have/are going through. We are not alone.
The book has another purpose, too. In many countries today, when parents are told that their child has a birth defect, the next question is “Do you want to terminate?” We were asked this question. We said “No!” If you are facing the same question we want you to know some of our reasons for choosing life.
It is entirely possible that you don’t have to be persuaded to keep your child. That doesn’t mean that you aren’t riding an emotional roller coaster. I hope that you will still be helped by hearing our story. If, however, you are thinking about terminating your child, I hope that you will hear me out. After all: What is the rush? This is a short book. You can finish it in a sitting or two. This is the kind of decision that you’ll want to think through. Don’t let anyone push you into something.
Come along with me as I tell you my story.
My wife and I have four children through three pregnancies. Confused? So were we at the 20 week ultrasound of our second pregnancy. The ultrasound technician asked all sorts of odd questions prompting me to wonder if something was wrong and prompting my wife to wonder if perhaps she was further along than we had been led to believe. The technician snapped an image of what appeared to be two grape fruits in my wife’s belly. It took a moment for reality to sink in: we were expecting twins. Twin boys.
It didn’t take too long after that to realize that twins were going to be the death of us! They were three times the work of a single child. Because we already had a son, the birth of the twins meant that we were instantly out-numbered. One just had to get used to the fact that one child would always be unhappy… and screaming mad.
You can understand, then, why three years later we were looking forward to the next 20 week ultrasound with a special kind of eagerness. Yes, with three boys already, we very much wanted to see if our next child would be a girl. What reduced us to being nervous wrecks was the possibility that it would be twins again! We had to take the chance, though, since we knew that we wanted a girl before calling it ‘quits.’
The day for the ultrasound of our third pregnancy was a pleasant December morning in 2006. We took our oldest son with us and enjoyed watching his reaction to the images on the monitor. We had two important questions for the ultrasound technician. First of all, were we looking at a girl? Secondly, was there only one girl?
With exuberant anticipation we explained to our son what he was seeing on the monitor while the technician did his work. The technician was surprisingly quiet. Neither of us thought much about it at the time, but we did notice it. We overlooked it in our joy at the news: it was a girl and it wasn’t twins! Oddly, even after I jokingly asked him to check again, he only quietly repeated his assurance. In retrospect, his mood was easily understood. We would have much more important things to consider very shortly.
After the ultrasound, we went into one of the waiting rooms and chatted blissfully. We were ecstatic about the news and our enthusiasm washed over our son. I would have lit up a cigar right there if I had had one.
After just a few minutes, the doctor came in. She wasn’t smiling. Her expression was grim. There wasn’t much time for us to adjust to this new tone. She went right to the point. Our new baby girl had a lot of fluid in her skull, a condition called hydrocephalus. The doctor told us that it could be just hydrocephalus, or, worst case scenario, it could mean that she had Spina Bifida. However, the opening in the spine could not be detected. My wife and I sat stunned. Our son continued his mirthful chattering completely unaware that the tides had changed and oblivious to the fact that we were all ignoring him.
We had heard of Spina Bifida but, like many people, didn’t have a clue of what that condition really meant. We didn’t understand how the hydrocephalus was related to the spinal defect. We had some familiarity with the condition because we knew of a child at church who had it but we were extremely fuzzy on the details.
That office was not the appropriate place to bone up on the details, either. The doctor told us there were mild cases as well as severe ones but before anything else, it was necessary to get another more detailed ultrasound. To my surprise, and our sincere gratitude, the doctor arranged for us to go to the hospital that very afternoon, in just a matter of a couple of hours, to see the doctor who specialized in such matters and get the confirmation we were looking for. We have since learned of couples who had to wait days for the next level ultrasound. It was so much better to find out quickly.
When we went home, my wife called her place of work and told them she wouldn’t be able to come back that day. Thankfully, everyone was very understanding. Then we had to arrange for childcare for our three sons in the middle of the workday with no notice. What could have been a logistical nightmare resolved itself nicely. Our sitter was unexpectedly home and available rather than at work where we expected her to be.
While all these preparations were being made, I learned everything that I could about Spina Bifida by searching the Internet. It didn’t look good.
Here is a summary of what I learned.
Spina Bifida is a condition in which an opening appears on the spine during the first few weeks of the baby’s development. This opening is referred to as the ‘defect.’ The lower on the back the opening appears, the less function is affected. The spinal cord actually slips out of the opening. If you’re lucky, it is contained in a sack of skin and fluids. Sometimes it is completely exposed.
Besides losing perhaps all sensation and movement in the legs and feet, it is very normal for Spina Bifida children to have problems with their bladders. Many of them will have to be catheterized several times a day until they get old enough to do it themselves. If you’re wondering where the ‘water on the brain’ comes in, you’re like me. How does a defect on the spine cause hydrocephalus?
Hydrocephalus is associated with other birth defects as well and can be a problem in its own right. Spina Bifida children frequently have hydrocephalus because when the spinal cord slips out of the opening in the bottom of the spine; this pulls the spinal cord down slightly, blocking the place in the back of the skull where the cerebrospinal fluid would normally drain. Our bodies are constantly creating and eliminating this fluid. Since the fluid can’t escape, in a Spina Bifida child, it accumulates. Pressure gets placed on the brain which in turn puts pressure on the skull, making the head bigger than it normally would be. If the pressure is not relieved, there is brain damage.
A Spina Bifida child will usually have two surgeries right off the bat. One is to deal with the opening on the spine and the other is to deal with the hydrocephalus, which usually entails putting in a shunt. The shunt is installed by drilling a hole in the skull and running a tube from the head, down the neck, and into the belly, or some other place where the cerebrospinal fluid can be disposed of by the body. The shunt has the potential for many future complications. It can become infected or blocked. The increased pressure in the brain can cause brain damage. If the shunt has to be modified, this can cause brain damage, also.
Though Spina Bifida is a defect of the spine, it typically affects almost every other part of the body. Naturally, every case is different. Some cases are worse than others.
As one might imagine, the uncertainty, coupled with our meager general knowledge of Spina Bifida, worked to create in our minds all of the worst case scenarios. I replayed them endlessly on the trip to the hospital, where we waited in the obstetrics lobby, our emotions taut and brittle. The ‘best case’ scenarios were as far from my mind as they could possibly be.
I have always lived by a simple principle: don’t worry about things I can’t control. Sometimes, the urgency of the moment compels itself and it is hard to live by that principle. The peace that comes from being content with one’s limitations vanishes. This was such a moment. I was on the verge of panicking about things I could not control.
We were ushered back to see the doctor. He was cordial, though I wouldn’t say warm. I didn’t mind. At this point, we needed facts more than comfort. It didn’t take long to get them, though it felt like an eternity at the time.
In the first ultrasound, the defect on the spine couldn’t be spotted. Her condition was noticed because of the distinctive shape that her skull had and the fact that the ultrasound detected no brain: all it could see was cerebrospinal fluid. Finding the defect in this more thorough ultrasound would be critical in determining the next course of action.
The session was almost over and we still hadn’t found the defect. At the last moment, she decided to do a complete flip within the womb, exposing her back to the doctor’s ultrasound wand! There it was: the defect was discovered. Some tests would need to be run, but by appearances it was myelomeningocele spina bifida, which I had already learned in my rushed research was the most severe form of Spina Bifida.
I was surprised once again at how fast doctors can move when they so desire. This doctor advised amniocentesis which would find the tell-tale signs of an ‘open defect.’ He performed the procedure within five minutes, right there in the room. The amniotic fluid was sent away for testing and we were informed that we could have some preliminary information within a day or so. Now came the time for discussion.
We knew the ‘question’ was coming. I didn’t know which doctor would be the one to pose it, but because of the doctor’s no-nonsense demeanor I should have guessed that it would have been him.