My Personal Journey to Being a Slave
Tracy Arkell
Copyright 2011 by Tracy Arkell
Smashwords Edition
This book is dedicated to those who helped me become a better person and a better slave. Without your help, I could not have made it this far. Your advice, punishments, standing by me when times were hard, being my rock in the vast sea of life, a shoulder to lean on and ears to bend meant more to me than anything you did for , with or to me.
Thank you to those of you who gave advice when need be and a swift kick in the ass when I need it as well, without the advice and swift kicks many of you gave, I may not have come as far as I have. You truly are the greatest bunch of people I have had the pleasure of meeting and saying we are friends.
Thank you to those of you who said “If you do not give up on me, I will not give up on you,” or “If you do not give up on us, we will not give up on you.” You have not only helped shape me for master, but also for possible future masters should I find the need to look once again.
The entries made in this book may seem scrambled or disjointed but please know that it was due to not having to write in a journal for a while, then having to write in one again and then not having to once again. Some of what I have written is personal, so for me to share it, I have changed some names for the privacy of those whom I was involved with in the past.
Some of the entries are from being online with past masters and some are real life entries from my hard copy journals. I will give a synopsis of the book at the end, so that you may see what I was told and how I was trained.
Some of the entries will be in third person and some from the first person point of view as a slave. This is due to the training I received from various masters.
Tracy Arkell
Wednesday July 16, 2003: It has been three great and she means great weeks since master Jonathon asked her to be his. He has made her feel more alive and loved than she has ever felt before, even though she has broken several of his rules and has had to be punished for it.
She knows that he still intends to punish her for going into his study, and is anxiously awaiting her punishment because she knew that she was not suppose to go into his study. She has broken two cardinal rules he gave her, and for some reason she loves to go into rooms marked “Private” or “Stay Out.”
He told her the two rules to never break are: 1: Do not go to the tower alone and she did. 2: Do not go into his study unless he sends her there for something. She went into his study and cleaned it up (Laughing out loud).
She has been talking to master since June 29th, which is when he asked her to be his sub and she told him “It would honor this one to be your sub.”
He told her that she is his and to let all on www.alt.com know it and she did so happily. She has never felt more alive than she does when they talk on the computer or on the phone. He told her about a week ago, that he must take leave of her for a couple of days, so that he could get some real time things done. She was upset because she thought that he was not coming back even though he had promised her in an email that he will be back.
She had been told five days earlier by another master that he needed a break, but instead of leaving the collar on her, he removed it and told her to use her old nick on alt.com. She was devastated, felt lost and did not know what to do. Then along came master Jonathon. They played in instant messenger for a bit, then he asked her to be his and she accepted right away. She has never felt this happy, other than the days she had her children.
She has sent him several emails and a few e-cards as well and actually had him crying last night with her email where she was rambling on like a babbling idiot. Master Jonathon sent her an e-card last night and she cried because it meant a lot to her that he loves her so much. She still can not believe this is real, because she is not use to being cherished or wanted so badly like this. She loves master Jonathon so much, he is all she can think about when she is awake, working on her novel, out and about, having a shower or bath, sleeping or at the doctors office.
She has had some pretty realistic dreams about him, so real in fact that she has had to shake the cobwebs from her head and snap back to reality. She has told him about the one dream she had and he told her that he hopes it comes true for her.
She hopes it comes true as well because she can’t wait to meet him and have him tan her ass with his belt until she begs for mercy or until he feels she has had enough, then tie her to the bed spread eagle, taking her to the edge, jerk her back, and make her feel close again, letting her cum when he says she can and only when he says.
She is so happy master Jonathon asked her to be his because she finally has one to give her gift to. It was not until her former master released her, that she learned what her gift is. She knows now that her gift is her submission to master Jonathon, serving him, making sure that he is happy and that he wants for nothing.
Thursday July 17, 2003: It is funny how two people can have the same thought at the exact same time. Master and she were both thinking about marriage while he was at work yesterday. He was thinking about “what if Tracy and I were to get married.”
She was dreaming about them getting married one day, but did not know he was thinking about it until he told her when he got home from work, just like he did not know she was thinking it until she told him after he told her it was what he was thinking about himself.
He gave her a task to have completed by the time he got home from work, and was pleased when she had gotten it done ahead of schedule. He told her that he wanted a seven hundred word essay on how to completely please my master. She got eight hundred plus words done, emailed to him, and also sent him a couple more cards.
She is ass over teakettle, head over heels in love with master and he with her. She is getting more and more excited about the day they meet. Master told her that from now on she is not to wear pajamas to bed and that she should consider herself lucky that he did not tell her to be naked unless she has company or unless she goes out.
He then told her that is how she will be when they live together and all she could do was smile like a giddy schoolgirl. He then told her to kneel, she knelt before him, knees to the left of her, chin lifted slightly, lips parted slightly, eyes lowered and hands to the right of her.
He then went to the cupboard, opened it and took something from it, walked to her, told her to put her hands on top of her head, which she did. He then put a harness around her chest, adjusting the cups over her breasts, so that her nipples stuck out through the tiny holes.
He buckled the harness tightly at her back and locked the silver lock, reached up and took hold of the clamp dangling from just under her left nipple. He then clipped her nipple in the clamp, repeated with the right nipple, telling her the clamps are to stay there until he gets home from work tomorrow. Master has to finish the email tonight detailing her punishment for entering his study last week.
He told her not to open it until he tells her to do so, that there will be two emails. One describing her punishment and the other will have pictures of how he is punishing her for entering his study, even though she knew to stay out of it.
She is feeling more and more alive each day they speak. She only hopes she makes him feel the same way and can continue making him as happy as he says she has so far.
God, what has happened to the quiet shy, little girl that everyone had come to know and love? She is no longer that way and “yes Master” it scares her because she has just left a whole world of hurt behind and feels scared she is opening herself up too fast.
She does not wish to keep things from you, but at the same time she does not want to push you away by being so open and honest bout what she is feeling.
The song by Travis Tritt “Tell Me, I was dreaming,” is how happy she is because it feels like she is dreaming and she is scared it will all come crashing down around her once again. She knows master would not do anything to hurt her because he has promised to love her forever. He has told her that she has made it very, very difficult to continue her punishment email.
The song “Can I trust you with my heart?” by Travis Tritt has made her sit here and think that she is lucky master is trusting her with his heart and is trusting him with hers. She knows she can trust him with her heart because she told him she and her daughter were both sexually assaulted, yet he did not blame her, nor did he back away, instead he told her not to blame herself and that he was there for her should she need to talk.
He has not only talked to her on the computer, but has also called her when he has said he would, so she knows he is a man/master that is good at keeping his word.
She was thinking about how she could please him that first day/night they are together. The first thing she will do is give him a hug and kiss he will always remember. She will be wearing her denim shorts, no panties, a top that when she bends over, he will be able to see her luscious breasts and no bra.
She will kneel before him back at his place, so that he can see her warm, wet cunt, place her hands behind her, making his inspection of her easier. After he has inspected her, tanned her ass and anything else he wants to do to her. She will with or without the aid of her hands take his cock into her mouth and suck it until it is hard and then let him fuck her and won’t cum until he says she can.
She will then get on her knees and assume the same position he had her in earlier in the day and let him tan her ass again, should he be in the mood to do so.
She will do whatever and yes she means whatever he tells her because she knows not only will it make him happy, which is her job as his sub to please him. She also knows that unless she can give a valid reason for not doing as he tells her, she will face whatever he feels is an appropriate punishment for failing to please him and for not obeying his order(s).
She knows that she can be mouthy, but will have to curb that while with him or be punished for it. She also knows that there are times which she may be told to do something and if she does not do it when he says she will be punished. She also knows there are times she may question things he tells her and times she should not question him because he may punish her.
Friday July 18, 2003: Master Jonathon: she told you she would tell you about her parents today before going to alt.com, but got side tracked, sorry. These are not her foster parents she is referring to here.
She is learning slowly to open up and talk about her feelings and is glad she feels comfortable enough to talk to you about this, but hopes she does not scare you off after you read this.
Let’s see: Dad was never there for her as a kid and when he was home, he was not emotionally available for her; she had to beg for hugs, kisses and just to hear him say he loved her, other than after her parents got divorced.
Even as an adult, she does not get respect from her father, instead he tells her that she is no good, will never amount to anything, is not pretty enough, will never find a good man (She proved him wrong there when she met you), she is not smart enough, she is not a good mother, and is not a good daughter, etc.
He never did believe her when she told him that her step mom use to beat her when he was out of town on business. However he was good to her on a few occasions, such as when she fell of a tubular slide whilst climbing the outside of it whilst with a friend and when her uncle’s dog bit her left leg.
Dad was there when she had her first boy, but did not visit after she had her second, third or last child. Dad was there when she had her first child because he was dad’s namesake; she named him after her dad and grandfather.
Her dad pushed her into a bookshelf when her oldest was just a baby and told her to never say he did not care about her because when she ran away, it was him and her cousin who is a cop that went looking for her, and if she did not believe him to ask her cousin, which she did.
She thought family was suppose to be there to help, love and care for you in good and bad times, but so far she has yet to see that from her family.
Let’s see: step mom was and still is verbally abusive, was physically abusive, emotionally abusive and was never there when she had a hard time in school.
Step mom was there when she got pregnant at eighteen and had to have an abortion (hates herself for it and is fighting back tears) because cancer of the cervix, but managed to get it taken care of. When she had her first son, her step mom was there in the delivery room with her, helping her deliver her son.
Since then step mom has put her down saying: she is stupid, will never get a job, will never find a good man (Ha, proved her wrong too), will never be able to finish anything she started (Ha proved her wrong there too.)
She has her security guard diploma, that she is not smart enough, she is like her dad (pigheaded, stubborn, and does not talk about her feelings. That she is not a good mother, is a bad daughter, does not care about others, does nothing to help those who needs help, etc.)
These are her parents saying this to her, she thought they were suppose to love, care for and about her, nurture her, help her to grow up strong and well adjusted, but now she sees she was wrong. She has never felt like she belonged until she reached her foster home and was told it is okay when she broke a dish that she did not do it on purpose, that accidents happen, etc.
Hell, even when she took one of their bikes she got in trouble for it but knew that they were just upset because she could have gotten hurt. (God can’t believe she is rambling again). Her foster family loved her, cared for and about her, they still do. They taught her what it was like to belong to a true family and the meaning of love.
Strange how all this has happened to her, yet she is as pigheaded, stubborn, strong willed and courageous as she is today. She is still learning that being this way can get her in trouble sometimes and will soon learn to curb her tongue and watch her language. She is doing the best she can though under the circumstances. She promises to love and be there for her master for all of time. Love, Alahnnah Anghariaed.
She sent the thing on parents, which is also a big part of her journal entry for today, but she is also putting in there what has been upsetting her since yesterday. You told her that she would never scare you off, but she could not shake the feeling today until after she sent you her journal entry for the day.
Yes, she meant what she said in the first email to you. She promises to love and be there for her master for all of time because she loves you so much master. Love, Alahnnah Anghariaed.
Saturday July 19, 2003: Called Auntie Edna and after saying our goodbyes, then hanging up, she started crying. She misses her aunt and the rest of her family that lives in the United Kingdom. She was trying to fight back the tears she felt last night because she was cuddling with the sweater she let her daughter wear two weeks ago after swimming at the park. She has been missing her daughter since child services took her away from her last year.
It’s coming up on a year as of July 24th and it has been the hardest year of her life, that she has had to face alone and wishes she had her one was here to hold her and tell her things will be okay. She knows deep down in her heart, that she is not getting her little angel baby (her nickname for her daughter) back any time soon.
She has actually prepared herself mentally for not getting her daughter back, but that is not to say she won’t be very upset when it happens. It is then that she is really going to need all the support and love she can get when it happens. *Fights back tears she can feel starting again today, but can not stop them from coming*
God it hurts to think she won’t get her little girl back but she has to accept that it may just happen that way when she next goes to court in September of this year. *Wipes away the tears from her face and tries to put on a happy face but she can not stop these damn tears from flowing. She tries to think of the things that make her happy, and starts to laugh while crying because she remembers the very first conversation between her and master. She even has it and the very first email he sent saved*
Today master asked her if she will marry him in time and she said “yes.”
He had her repeat something he said and then they talked for a bit before he went to bed.
Monday July 21, 2003: Master called her last night, then because he had one minute of call time on his calling card he had her put two clothes pins (one) on each breast, then he told her to put five on her cunt and clit.
Once she had that done, he made her pull them off one at a time, which made her cry for the first time in a long time during punishment then a short time later, he had her put them back on and pull them all off at once, which made her cry again.
He then told her to fist herself and to cum, she did this because he not only told her to, but because she loves master. He then told her to put the clothes pin back on her clit, twist it a few times then yank it off which sent her into tears again. He told her she could rub it until the pain went away, but that she was not allowed to cum and if she did, she must tell him because he would know if she had.
He told her it is because she always tells on herself. She knows he is right because she has told him that she went to the tower, his study and several rooms marked private or stay out!!
Today she could have screamed because he made her put an ice cube up her cunt and one up her ass. She has never had a master that she loves, honours, and respects more than she does master Jonathon. (On the other page, she meant to put that she called him back because he had one minute of call time on his calling card).
She called the Greyhound bus depot to see how much a round trip ticket would cost, and was told that a fourteen day advance ticket would cost two hundred dollars, and that it would take two to three days to get to Uniontown, Pennsylvania because the bus does not go to Waltersburg, Pennsylvania. She will have to talk to master about meeting her at the bus depot, or find out how much it will cost by cab to where master is.
She will have to call him from her cell phone to let him know where she is and then again just as the bus enters Pennsylvania, so he will have enough time to get to the bus depot. She will then also have to change from her shorts into a skirt. *growls*
Tuesday July 22, 2003: She is sitting here sweating to death in her apartment, thinking it is almost time for a cold shower, then time to wax her pussy. *Thinks yeow that is going to hurt more than the punishment that master gave her this past week.*
At least she will not have to shave for a bit, just wish there was an easier way to rid herself of hair down there permanently. She knows master would also like it if there was no more hair down there any more, but knows that unless she continues to shave or wax the hair will always come back.
She can not wait to meet master in September and thinks she will go the day court ends or the following day, and knows she must take her skirts, blouses, dress shoes/boots and runners. She will wear a t-shirt and shorts, her runners and pull her hair back.
Once she arrives in Pennsylvania, she will change into a skirt and top; change her shoes, maybe put on a bit of makeup so she looks alive and alert. (Laughing out loud). Hopefully master won’t mind her having her hair pulled back when they meet because it keeps her from getting migraines when travelling.
She will hopefully have gotten her tiger tattoo before she goes, so master can see what it looks like for himself.
She had a cold, make that a freezing cold shower after which she stood in the tub crying because she remembered the last time she willingly had a cold shower was after she was raped last year.
She then pulled her hair up, went to bed and slept for three hours, but she did not sleep well. She has not been sleeping well these past few weeks, and she thinks it is for one of several reasons.
1: she is worried about master, she can not shake the feeling something is wrong. 2: she is worried that she may not get her angel baby (daughter) back in September and does not know what she will do if that happens. 3: She is not working and has to be very cautious about what she spends her money on. 4: She hates living where she is at because there have been two deaths now, (one was a suicide) and there are hookers and drug dealers/users here in the building.
She is hoping to be working by the end of August and getting paid weekly and if so she can buy her ticket to see master two weeks or more in advance of travelling to see him. She can not wait until she sees him, she only hopes that he not only likes what he sees, but that she can also please him as she has so far.
Wednesday July 23, 2003: This one has decided that she will sell her things bit by bit so that she will have some money for her visit with master. She needs to check out hotel/motel prices so she will know just how much money she will need while there.
She knows she will need spending money while visiting him, as there will be things she will want to bring back for the kids. She will want to bring back some pants and shirts for them because she is learning that clothes can be cheaper in the United States.
She is not sure that she wants to come back to Canada once she gets there, but will wait to see what happens in court in September. Master said if she keeps telling him her secrets he may not let come back, but she told him that she has to so she can sell her things that she does not need.
She told him that she does accounting, after she gave him heck for not paying his internet bill and he said he was not an accountant. She told him that she loves to do accounting after he told her this and is hoping she can get him started on accounting/keeping a budget, so that he does not have any more problems with his internet company.
She went to lay down at 2:30p.m. her time and woke up at 6:30p.m. her time in a cold sweat and is also in tears because she had a nightmare about her oldest son and her daughter being killed.
She does not know what caused her to have this nightmare, but she wishes it did not happen. She has been upset these past few weeks and thinks she knows what is troubling her; she is excited yet nervous about meeting master for the first time.
What if he does not like what he sees, what if he does not like the way she wears her hair, what if she does or says something to upset him, what if she does something that makes him angry, what if she does not say or do the right thing.
Sheesh, she has all these what if’s and knows that as long as she is respectful and does what he tells her, she should be just fine. Hell, he is probably going through the what if stage and has just as many what if’s running through his mind, if not more.
She really needs to learn to relax and go with the flow of things or she will end up making herself sick with worry. She knows that if anything were to happen to her, that master would be upset, and if anything happened to him she would also be upset. They love each other very, very much.
Thursday July 24, 2003: Today is the one year anniversary of her daughter being taken by child services, and she is having a hard time dealing with it. Her daughter is coming for a visit today, which makes it even harder because she will be even more devastated than usual; due to it being one year ago today her little girl was removed from her loving, caring arms.
She is thinking a bit too much lately, and is finding herself getting more and more depressed. She loves her little girl more than anyone would guess and more than words can say. She really hates feeling like her life is falling apart again.
Master is great and very understanding that she is upset more so today than usual and is expecting a longer than usual email. She is glad master is as understanding, caring and loving as he is, she knows that she could not ask for a better master, than her master Jonathon.
She sent master three e-cards today telling him how she truly feels about him and hopes that he does not think she is off her rocker or being mushy, but even if he does think she is being mushy, at least he will know how she truly feels about him. *sits back fighting off tears because she misses her little angel baby and it hurts really bad today due to her little girl riding her bike, stopped on a dime and learned how to turn around today.*
Again, it was like watching her little one walk for the first time and she was so happy, she almost started crying again but held back the tears. It is finally a cool night and she is sitting here fighting off tears because she is so upset at not having her daughter back home where she belongs.
It hurts when her daughter screams, “This is my home and you can’t make me go back to nana’s house.”
When her daughter does that it makes her feel even worse than she does already at not having her baby here right now. Master has been great through all this; he has been even more loving, caring and understanding under the circumstances.
Sure he got upset with her last night for drinking her Jack Daniels straight from the bottle, while hanging upside down from the rafters while on www.alt.com. He had a right to be upset because this one knows that drinking when upset only enhances the effects of alcohol she happens to be drinking at the moment. She is surprised though, that master did not punish her.
Sunday July 27, 2003: Master punished her Friday night by having her sleep with clothes pins on her clit, cunt and tongue, plus one on her nose (Who knows why he told her to put one there).
She asked him last night if she had to go to bed or if she could stay up one more hour and he said “That is a loaded question,” but he let her stay up one more hour. She was bad last night and rubbed her pussy lips, even though master had told her “never rub your cunt lips ever.”
She knows now that she must tell master she did it last night and again today. She knows that when she does tell him that he will punish her big time for it. She is prepared to wear the clothes pins again or swat her thighs or pussy with the spoon he made her use yesterday for not obeying his orders to not cum while fingering herself five times and for rubbing cunt lips when he had told her not to.
He is sure to punish her by making her swat her cunt, wear the clothes pins until they are done talking on the phone or to bed until he next speaks to her, putting ice up her cunt and/or ass like he did the one day for her talking back. She really needs to learn not to only stop talking back or telling on herself.
She has this good yet bad habit of telling on herself when she misbehaves. Master always says he will know if she has done something she is not suppose to or does not do something she is suppose to do. She knows she is suppose to write daily in her journal, but has not been good at doing so.
She has missed a total of four days writing in her journal and each day she does not write in her journal, she feels like something is missing. He called tonight and they talked until his cordless died on them, which is frustrating for him and more so for her because she loves talking to him on the phone. He relaxes her before she goes to bed for the night.
She had to swat her cunt nine times tonight because she rubbed her pussy lips again today and argued with master about it. Now she has to send him an email detailing it all.
Saturday September 6, 2003: Well, now it has been two long hard, depressing days for her, as this when removed the collar. He did this after he swore he would never do that to her, as he knows when her former master did it to her, it hurt her real bad.
He has told her to keep hoping and not to push him. She hopes that he will let her know by the end of this coming week, so she knows what to call him. She is confused, does she call him master, does she call him sir Jonathon, what the hell does she call him. She wrote a poem today and will email it to him if he says it is okay to do so. It’s about us anyway and she thinks he should see it. SJ’s_cariad.
Saturday September 13, 2003: Master put the collar back around her neck on Monday, September 8th and made her say a whole new set of vows, which she has taped to her bathroom mirror so she can say them out loud every day as she brushes her hair. Master punished her today for sharpening her claws on his chair.
He told her to apply the gator clamps to her nipples and leave them until she next hears from him. When he finally did tell her to remove them she bit her tongue because it hurt more to take them off than it did to apply them to her nipples.
She loves master dearly and is very; very happy he placed the collar back around her neck. She felt lost, alone, scared and very angry at herself when master released her because master is who she loves , wishes to serve, and be with until the end of time or until he wishes to release her.
He has promised he will not release her again because he loves her and it not only hurt her, but it hurt him as well. She has been more compliant, quiet and detailed in everything she has done since he put the collar back around her neck. She has even been more detailed in her essays that master has had her write. She had to do essays on why submissives should not lie, why submissives should never forget what master says and what master’s cock will feel like. SJs_cariad
Wednesday September 17, 2003: It has been two days now since master and her have put his plan into action and since then he has been acting as though something is upsetting him, but says it is nothing for her to worry herself about. She thinks it bothers him just as much, if not more that they are lying to their friends about master being in the hospital due to an accident he had at work.
He told her today either she sends the picture of her cunt with the gator clamps on (three on each lip) or she will wear them for a week, she opted to bite down and send him the picture because she did not want to wear them for a week. He may ask her to do it again though, because she looked at the picture after sending it and is not sure he will see all six (three on each lip) or not.
If he asks her to do it again, she will but after it is done will ice her cunt lips so they don’t hurt as badly as they did today. She got her Capital One MasterCard today and after activating it, she put one hundred dollars on her phone bill, one hundred on her cable bill, twenty dollars at Mohawk and twenty-two dollars for dinner on it.
She will make the payment for it at the end of this month, so can maintain good standing with them. She wants to be able to get an increase from seven hundred and fifty dollars to a higher limit and will use it carefully. SJs_cariad
Thursday, September 18, 2003: Master was pleased that she sent him the picture of the gator clips on her pussy and she told him that she did not want to wear them again because they hurt like a bitch.
Then they talked about her getting the tattoo on her left shoulder blade, him maybe wanting to brand her right shoulder blade, which shut her up right quick, after telling him that he would have to knock her out if she did not pass out from the pain.
He said he would just make sure she was restrained good and tight, so she did not move around and ruin it and that he may even gag and blindfold her so that she would not scream or see it coming. She told him that was just downright nasty and he laughed, and then said “Ain’t it though?”
He made her put the nipple clamps on, pull the chain upward and out, then made her do that again, release the left one, pull harder and release the right one, which hurt more. She even growled at him and did not get punished for it, which is not like master at all, but then again he was tired and knows she is sick with pneumonia and the flu, so maybe that is why he did not punish her for growling at him.
She checked his email and found something that has her a bit upset, so she will ask him bout it tomorrow. She noticed he signed up for this thing the day she sent him picture two of her cunt and this is why it is upsetting her. SJs_cariad
Saturday September 20, 2003: Master called her tonight and asked what was wrong, she told him she had a feeling and could not explain it other to say she felt something was wrong.
He did his best to reassure her that he is fine, but she can not shake this feeling she has. She even growled at him and usually he would have punished her for it but tonight he let it go because he was in a good mood.
She even told him she was playing with her nipple clamps and that she was not going put them on and he let that go as well. She tossed her journal on the floor and it hit the spoon he makes her swat her cunt with, and she told him that the spoon can stay on the floor, once again he let that one slide.
She was getting concerned and asked him why he was in such a good mood and all he said was that he just is. She told him about her having two rum and cokes this week and he did not get upset with her like he normally would have.
She told him that she was not going to have any rum tonight and she didn’t, although she was tempted to. The reason she didn’t, although she was tempted to is because she remembered her vows to him. “If I say I will not do something, I will not do it,” that is the main reason, as well as she knows it is not good to drink when upset. SJ’s_cariad
Sunday October 5, 2003: My Eyes:
I sit on my bed
My eyes are so red
Partially from my tears and the rest is my fears
I cry each night
I would rather die
Than for us to fight
I wipe my eyes dry.
But the tears
they keep coming back
It’s my fears this time
I decide to hit the sack
I look at your picture by my bed
my eyes are still very red
I am a big city girl
You are a small town hick
I sit on my bed
My eyes are so red
Partially from my tears
The rest is my fears.
SJ’s_cariad
Thursday October 23, 2003: Well it has been an interesting month. Worked with an idiot on a paving job and hurt my ankle, so I’ve been laid up for a bit. Now I have pneumonia again (growls). I hate being sick. On the good side of things, I have two slaves I am training of my own and a submissive I am helping with her serves and entrances.
Between rewrites I have to do, a book proposal opinion, the two slaves, master and housework, it is no wonder I am run down this week, but it is worth it. I love my master sir Jonathon with every fibre of my being and would even die for him. If that day ever comes I will go knowing he will always love me, as I will love him even on the other side I will be waiting for, longing for and needing him. Knowing that once again we will be together. SJ’s_cariad
Monday October 27, 2003: Dear Master Jonathon: This letter is intended to show how much I love you and want to open up, but for whatever reason I am having a hard time doing so. Again, I think it is because I am still scared to let those last few bricks come crashing down from the wall I have put up to protect myself.
I think that my problem is that if I open up too much I am going to push you away, if I don’t open up enough will it make you wonder what else I am hiding or will it also push you away by my not opening up more.
I will try to finish this entry tomorrow, as it is nearing curfew and I don’t want to get in trouble. The above and the rest of this entry were stapled to this page as my journal entry originally done on Friday October 24, 2003. SJ’s_cariad
Tuesday October 28, 2003: Master has been distracted lately, but it was good to have him in alt.com last night, although it was only for a short period of time. I sent him all my instant messenger logs with happy Tuesdays, kal_den and subgirl and he was happy to see that I have found a slave girl, or at least I think he is.
When I called him Sunday night, I told him not to scare me the way he had on Friday. I could not go on with my life if anything were to happen to him and although he says he has done what he is doing before and that he will do what he can to stay safe and return to me.
He has punished me for missing my curfew and for not writing in my journal. I submitted pages one through forty-three of my novel to lit erotica.com and will be waiting to hear from them, I just hope I hear from them soon. It would be nice to have someone edit and publish my book. I am trying to find a way to post my journal entries to master other than to email them, although he has said he does not wish to see my entries right now. SJ’s_cariad
Thursday October 30, 2003: Master came online tonight and apologized for not being online last night, he said that he was so tired that he went straight to bed. He met cynthorne tonight and got booted just as I completed my serve to him in alt. I am so sick and tired of this snow we are getting and am wondering how to keep my right foot from freezing with this stupid air cast being on, due to a sprained/possible hairline fractured ankle.
Stupid Canadian drivers who do not know when to stop for pedestrians, I had to jump back on the sidewalk and twisted my ankle again, hearing it pop once again.
Cynthorne and I were hassled by a troll in alt earlier and Blays_Cinrik, MasterJoe and MDK’s_pitta all came to our defence telling DisciplineArian (the troll) to back off. I told master what happened, as did MasterJoe and master said he is very proud of his cariad, which made me happy because I knew I had pleased him by the way I handled myself and protected cynthorne. I hope master will be pleased at the entries I have made in my journal thus far. SJ’s_cariad
Sunday November 2, 2003: I called master this weekend and got punished on Saturday for missing my curfew Friday night when Kori, Nicola and Kris came down due to Derick, being abusive.
I got fifteen swats on my cunt (five for each half hour I stayed up past my curfew), had to wear the nipple clamps until 2:30am, got told to be in bed, under the covers and eyes closed by 2:30am (cutting my usual curfew of 3:30am by an hour).
Tonight because I am so cold, tired and sore I am in bed by 2am at the latest (guessing because my clock is in the living room and I am not sure how long my journal entry will be tonight).
I love master Jonathon so much that I would do anything he asks of me unless I knew it was something I could not do. He also had me do an essay on why it is important to be in bed on time, but did not assign a word limit like he usually does, so I wrote eight hundred and seventy-two words and hope it pleases him.
He told me that when stingray, one of his cats lays on the bed it is hard to move her, I said “sounds like me, unless you push me off.” He said “that can be arranged.”
We laughed because I told him I may ask “what the fuck was that for,” his come back was “cause I can.” Knowing my luck he would and I would curl up and go back to sleep. SJ’s_cariad
Sunday November 9, 2003: A girl called master today and he was in a strange, yet good mood until she told him she had not written in her journal and then asked her if she was naked, she told him no. He then told her to get naked quickly; she went to her room and removed her nightgown quickly.
He told her to reach down, slide a finger into her cunt, and work it while rubbing her clit. He told her to cum twice and when he asked how many times she had cum, she told him truthfully that she had only cum twice. He then had her place a gator clip on each cunt lip, pull them, stretching her cunt lips and then release on the count of three.
She did as he told her, then he had her grab her nipples, pinch them, stretch them and finally release them. He then had her swat her cunt five times and after each stroke she said “that was number one etc., please may I have another master?”