How to Raise Kids without Losing It!
Pamela Evbota
How to Raise Kids without Losing It!
Copyright © Pamela Evbota 2011
All rights reserved.
No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means- electronic, mechanical, photocopy, scanning, recording or otherwise without the prior written permission of the author.
Reviewed and edited by Jenny Chisom, Logos Audibles
Cover design by Exclusive touch
ISBN 978 978 084 346 9
How to Raise Kids without Losing It!
Have a Pillar and Support Team
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated:
To my wonderful boys: Raphael and Ryan, for teaching me the true meaning of motherhood.
To my husband for enduring the days of neglect physically and emotionally because all I want to be is a wife and a mother.
And to my pillar of support - my mother.
Love you all to bits.
FOREWORD
This is a book after my own heart. Since the day my first born arrived on terra firma. I have asked God, at least once a month, if he was sure he made the right decision to make me a mother! I guess he did because he has made me a mum two more times! This little wise book will tug on the heartstrings of every woman. Why? It speaks the simple truths about the challenges and successes, the dips and the soars, the whoops of joy and the shrieks of fright that are inevitable parts of our lives as mothers. Motherhood is truly, in my view, one of the most beautiful and most daunting roles a woman is called to play. I have been known to say “Who is afraid of marriage? Please, that’s a piece of cake. Try Motherhood!”
Pamela has captured, in her book, experiences and situations from her daily life as a mum that highlight the range of emotions any woman goes through as a mum. I was amazed at how universal our experiences are. While the exact circumstances or situations may not typically be the same, the ‘truths’ that we arrive at are in many cases identical. Chief of them is that it is no joke and but for God in our lives, we would run away. At least, I would!
From ‘’Waiting for the Bump’’ to “’Golden Nuggets from my Son’’ to “Having a Fight”, I smiled, sighed and shook my head. I believe you will too as you recognise a little bit of your own life in her stories. THAT is what I love the most about Pamela’s book. It is relatable. It speaks our truths as women trying to be the best mums that we can, so help us God! It makes you exhale in relief as you find out that ‘’you are not alone’’.
I recommend this engaging book to ALL mothers and mothers-to-be. Read and enjoy the life of one mother who is coming to grips with her role, laying down life principles as she goes. Relax and enjoy the ride with her even as you chart your own course. Remember, as Pamela said, you don’t have to imbibe all that she has said as parenting is not a one-size- fits -all affair BUT this book will provide you with an awesome springboard from which to launch off on your own brand new or revitalized journey towards fulfilment in Motherhood.
At the end of the day, it is a huge blessing from God for which we must be truly grateful and by his grace we will raise Godly children who will not only do wonders but BE wonders in their generation as well to the glory of God’s name. AND you know what?
We will NOT lose our minds in the process in Jesus Christ’s name. Amen!
Shalom!
Bola Essien-Nelson, Author, The Diary of a Desperate Naija Woman in the year 20-Ten
INTRODUCTION
This is my story. In my short years as a parent I have come to realise that there are so many things our mothers never tell us about parenting but we learn about them sometimes with tears and sleepless nights and wonder to ourselves if knowing some of these things before would have encouraged us to be mothers.
Nobody told me I would be awake every 2 hours to feed a new born baby and not have my normal straight six hours of sleep for the next four years. But I learnt and I survived it.
No one told me there might be midnight emergencies to the hospital and I would still be ready to be at work the next day. Or that I must perfect the act of smiling and looking good in the midst of emotional chaos and pains.
In these short years as a parent, I have come to realise that we make our parenting plans and adjust them along the way. I have learnt wonderful things from my kids; from chance meeting with others, and above all I know for sure that theoretical parenting leads nowhere. The best parenting skills are those that yield results today and possibly not work tomorrow.
I have also come to know that the foundation for good parenting comes from being armed with some basic principles based on one’s belief and strong family values.
It is a wonderful privilege to be able to impart knowledge and family values to others and to know that these will form the basis of their lives and the foundation on which their future is built. It is a scary and gratifying feeling all at once. I am proud to be that person!
Mothers are rocked with guilt. Some are self-imposed while some are from friends and family. In all, no one is permitted to pass judgement on a mother’s parenting style when you do not know under what circumstances she operates.
Women have been designed by God to look fragile and yet strong on the inside. We undergo so much strain daily. Don’t put yourself down, be strong and be the best mother you can be.
In this book I share my daily experience as a mother and some principles I have drawn from these experiences. In all I know that my role is beyond being a mother and I love who I am. Being a mother has taught me Love, Patience and Endurance. I love my life and would not like to be anyone else. But then being a mother is not all there is to me, it is just part of the many roles I play.
My name is Pamela Osasumwen Evbota. I am a wife, a mother, an entrepreneur, a writer and a blogger.
This is my story, my journey.
How often we say in our hearts if I were the parent to these kids, I will raise them differently. How convenient and how easy it is to criticise other people’s parenting style.
Qualified to advise?
We were at a memorial service and my sister’s son was playing with his grandfather’s hat and giggling. We were seated on the front pew. I turned to my sister and told her to control her son. She felt bad and unknown to me at that time she left the service. Upset that I said “control your son”? How easy it is for us to judge other people’s parenting skills and question their reasons for raising their kids the way they do. Often times we do mean well but, do we truly need to be experienced or vast in the field of parenting before we become advisors or decide to play the role of social workers? At least I wasn’t but I still offered my advice anyway.
6 years after the church issue with my sister, she told me she was very upset at the way I spoke to her and had prayed there and then that I would get pregnant and become a mother so that she would see my parenting skills in action. I felt bad at the way my actions made her feel and I apologized and we had a good laugh.
I became a parent 5 years ago after almost a 3-year wait and I embraced motherhood with all expectation and excitement. People are never short at offering their own piece of advice on how we should deal with issues or how we should feed our kids.
People on daily basis are ever ready to offer a mother unsolicited advice. It is always good to listen but never feel pressured to follow their advice to the last word without speaking with your doctor if it is a medical advice. It never hurts to listen to other people’s opinion. When it comes to parenting there is never a one-size- fit solution or a pill that cures it all.
The underlying principle I come away with here is; never give anyone your two cents about issues you don’t have experience in. In offering your opinion/advice, don’t make it sound like your advice must be taken.
I didn’t know anything about being a parent and having to control kids but hey! I gave it anyway to my sister and I offended her. There are a lot of family and friends who even though they mean well but their advice would often be criticism and a forced way of handling issues.
I am not altogether saying we should not take advice from other people. Always listen and make decisions based on your conviction of any situation.
When I became a parent, I was often told by people “You must be strong taking care of these kids”. I didn’t take that as a compliment because I thought that all kids were as energetic and playful as my kids. Alas! That was when my sister reminded me of how I told her to control her son. Her son is a saint where my kids are. Where did all my pre- parenting skills and advice go now that I have my own kids? I can only say that practical parenting works better than theoretical parenting. When you become a parent, all you thought you knew about handling different situations are tested against your reality.