A Seeker's Guide to Inner Peace: Notes to Self
By Trey Carland
Copyright © 2011
All rights reserved.
Published by Smashwords, Inc.
ISBN: 978-1-4660-2063-4
Dedication
I would like to dedicate this book to my loving wife Shelby, who has taught me more about life than anyone can imagine. Her love, strength and wisdom is truly inspiring.
Introduction
There have been a number of great books written about enlightenment and self-realization, all of which point to the same simple idea that we are not confined individuals, but are connected on an intrinsic level that can not be denied. It is difficult to put into words, but there are so many beautiful ways to speak about it and pointers used to illustrate it. Most people tend to experiment with different teachings to see what works for them. Some people resonate with the more intellectual and philosophical discussions on what’s true, while others like the more heart-centered focus, and others are drawn more toward the metaphysical realm for answers. Some prefer the study of religions and different philosophies, while others prefer the simple exploration of the essence of one’s true nature. In my case, as with many others, I tried on many different flavors until I found one that fit.
Once my search for Truth began (see Chapter 1), I started reading books on all sorts of subjects (i.e. religion, mysticism, physics, cosmology, history, sociology, psychology, philosophy, you name it). Eventually, I discovered the simple pointers to Truth that shifted my attention to focus on the basic experience of being present. The words of Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie resonated with me the most, but there are countless other spiritual teachers that have been extremely helpful in my search (see Teacher Resources section for a list). This book is my attempt to share those teachings, and my inspirations related to those teachings, with as many people as possible.
Once I discovered the fundamental teachings of enlightenment, non-duality, self-realization, etc., I realized that I couldn’t just keep this to myself. I really didn’t have a choice in the matter. This had to be shared with the world. I started giving away books and CDs by various teachers to anyone who showed the slightest interest. I became very enthusiastic about writing about my discoveries. As I encountered new teachings that resonated with me, I shared. As I read a powerful passage in a book, I shared. As I experienced a profound insight, I shared.
In the beginning, my sharing entailed sending messages to an email list I created of all of my friends and family. At one point a friend of mine, Lisa Zaslow, suggested that I start a blog. I didn’t really know much about blogs at the time, but I did some research and eventually followed her advice.
Over the years I received enough positive feedback from readers to realize that people found it beneficial to follow along with my journey. I would occasionally receive feedback from someone who encountered something I had written at just the right time in his or her life to have a profound impact. A benefit was being felt by at least a few people, and that’s all that really mattered to me.
When my friend, Lisa, later encouraged me to write a book, I told her that I really wanted to, but just didn’t have the time. Years later, I realized that I had been writing a book all along, just one little piece at a time. In reality, it was writing itself through me, for me. For all intents and purposes, this is a book of notes to Self, from Self.
Now, as you read through the words contained here, it’s being written by you, for you. These words wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for your awareness of them. You give them life just by looking at them. If you get an “Aha” from reading these words, or are touched in some way, or bitten by the “enlightenment bug” the way I was, then this book will have served its purpose. If you ever feel moved to share your own insights or reactions with the world, the blog from which this book was compiled is always available. This book is a living being, without an end, just as you are.
http://compassion-blog.blogspot.com
Chapter 1: In the Beginning
[A version of this article appeared in the April 2006 issue of Spirit in the Smokies magazine, published in Asheville, NC. It was originally titled, “From Epilepsy to Enlightenment.” A copy of the original article is included in the Appendix.]
My life changed forever on November 7, 2004 when I had a grand mal seizure, totally out of the blue. For about a year prior to that I had been having what I affectionately called “revelation spells.” These were brief moments that lasted about a minute or two where I felt like I was having some sort of divine revelation and everything suddenly made perfect sense. It was accompanied with a sense of euphoria and the loss of control over the thoughts that crossed my mind. It was as if my mind had a mind of its own and would wander off for a minute while I just watched.
I assumed that these uncontrolled thoughts were what led to the euphoric revelations, but I could never remember what my mind had thought of after the fact. While it was happening I could observe the thoughts and almost examine them, but I would quickly forget as they faded. All I could tell was that the thoughts seemed to be fairly mundane and random, but still seemed to contain an element of significance assuming they were indeed bringing about this feeling of revelation. It was a bit frustrating from that respect, but a pleasant feeling none the less. I was later told by a Neurologist that these were complex partial seizures.
After my first grand mal seizure, it was given a name – Epilepsy. This is a term given to anyone who has had more than one seizure, so it was not a diagnosis that helped answer any questions. In fact, none of the tests I had done answered my burning question of, “Why?” The only thing we were able to learn was that the seizures were originating from my left temporal lobe. There is surprisingly little known about epilepsy. In fact, about 70% of the cases have no known cause, which was frustrating but very compelling.
Those first few weeks were not very fun. Once the first grand mal hit, it opened the door for more to follow. I had to be put on medication fairly quickly in order to control the seizures, a fact to which I was quite resistant. I did not want to be dependent on a mind altering pharmaceutical for the rest of my life. I tried to wean myself off of what they put me on and had some more grand mal seizures. Since these are quite unpleasant, I reluctantly chose a drug with the least amount of side effects and stuck to it.
My wife and I began doing a great deal of research on the subject of epilepsy and came up with several possibilities from aspartame to mercury, none of which became the clear cause. As my frustration progressed and I adapted to the medication, I began seeking out alternatives. I began seeing an MD who was also an Oriental Medicine Doctor and started taking several herbal supplements and changing my diet. I also began seeing a counselor as a result of my moodiness (a possible side effect of my medication). I was very fortunate that my wife referred me to a counselor who helped me open my horizons of self awareness and turned me on to new ways of seeing things.
In reading about famous people in history with epilepsy, I began looking for commonalities. I heard about a possible link between epilepsy and shamans which compelled me to do some digging. The only thing I found at first was mention of some spiritual figures in history having epilepsy. So I began researching areas of religion and spirituality that I had not previously explored. I read an old comparative religion textbook I found in a box, which was interesting, but I found myself wanting to know more.
I saw a meditation class being offered at the Lotus Lodge and had a desire to attend, partly due to the Lotus Lodge being right near my home and partly because my curiosity had been piqued by what I had read about Buddhism. Meditation was a new and different experience that involved letting go of inhibitions and thoughts, while focusing on the breath. I experienced a “warm and tingly” feeling that left me wanting to know more.
I then became more eager to learn more about this area of the mind. I began reading books and web sites on quantum physics and spiritual and psychological aspects of life, each one illuminating more about myself and the world around me. I felt this strange desire to learn more about things of a spiritual and metaphysical nature, which was really something I had no prior interest in whatsoever. I was a little comforted and fascinated by this seemingly odd compulsion when I read a study linking the left temporal lobe of the brain to thoughts of a spiritual nature. It was dubbed the “God Spot” in the article, which studied meditating monks and praying nuns. So I figured there was at least a scientific explanation even if no one knew much else.
During this time of exploration, my wife and I began taking a shamanic dreaming class and enjoyed it greatly. One of our first homework assignments involved dreaming for someone else in the class who had a question they wanted answered. The results were stunning. Each of us actually had relevant information about the answer to a total stranger’s burning question. Magically, this was at the same time I was reading David Hawkins’ book. Power vs. Force (which my counselor recommended) which explained how we are all a part of a universal consciousness that we can tap into with kinesiology. I got to read about it and experience it first hand, thereby changing the way I viewed the world. It was then that I realized that I was given the gift of a life altering diagnosis in order for me to discover all that I was missing. These readings and experiences had changed my course from finding the cause and cure for my seizures to a search for enlightenment.
As for the seizures themselves, I have been reluctant to part with them. In fact, rather than continuing to up my medication until the seizures went away, which is what my doctors have been suggesting for the last year, I got them regulated so that I was no longer having grand mal seizures but continued to have “partials” about once a month or so. I felt like this was the only way to measure the impact of the alternative treatments I was trying. After all, how can you tell if you’ve gotten rid of them naturally if you get rid of them artificially?
However, the partial seizures have changed a bit since the pre-diagnosis days. I now experience an aura of anxiety as they set in rather than euphoria. I think this may be due to the fear that it might be a “big one,” but I think there is something to learn from the experience itself. If I were able to experience the partials on a regular basis, without the concern of a grand mal, it would give me the opportunity to delve into them and possibly retain information on the seemingly random thoughts that occur. These strange “dreams” might hold some key to higher levels of awareness.
In the meantime, I am trying to lead a healthier life and practice mindfulness in everything I do. I have also been doing some non-dominant hand writing and drawing in an attempt to further explore portions of my brain I haven’t used since I was young. I have also rekindled my desire to do what I can to make this world a better place through nonpolitical means. In short, I feel one step closer to where I never realized I needed to be, and I owe it all to something I never wanted to have, but now can’t imagine being without.
Chapter 2: What Other People Think
August 11, 2005
We, as people, have a natural desire to please, because pleasing others brings us positive results. We also care about doing things that please us, but we learn, at an early age, that we can not always focus on pleasing ourselves and that pleasing others brings good things. To some extent, we learn what we should find pleasing when we are young, but we also have to figure out how to be pleasing to others. Therefore, we look to people whom we consider knowledgeable about these things for guidance, beginning with our parents. Through trial and error, we gradually figure out what they think is pleasing. As we age, we learn that we must please more and more people in order to get along in society (i.e. teachers, friends, ministers, bosses, etc.), which means we have to understand what more and more people find pleasing about us.
No matter how much we feel we do not care about what other people think of us, it is part of our core existence. Most of us have been raised in environments where we look to our parents to see how we should deal with the world around us. We look to our teachers and other role models to fill in the gaps that our parents do not fill. We look to our friends to see how we should deal with everyone else in order to be considered part of their peer group. We adopt different parts of each peer group’s value system and end up with a collage of beliefs, aesthetics, and ideas about being pleasing to those who matter. The end result is how we interact with and interpret the world around us. This makes it hard to tell where we as individuals stop and where someone else begins.
For example, we do or don’t do, say or don’t say, think or don’t think, hundreds of things during an average day based on how pleasing it might be for others. What does that say about us? Well, for one, we tend to try to judge ourselves through someone else’s eyes. But, more importantly, we may not be doing what’s best for us because we are too concerned about the opinions of others, thereby depriving ourselves of something that makes us happy.
If you are like me and feel as though you could really care less about what others think of you, try paying close attention to what you do and don’t do during an average day. Ask yourself why you are doing the things you are doing. More importantly, when you find yourself tempted to do something that you decide against doing, ask yourself, “Why?” and look for the real reason. Do this frequently throughout the day and try to get in the habit of doing it regularly. By analyzing your own decision making process, you will likely find that a large number of your decisions stem from what you think others will think.
Most of your findings at first will be small and seemingly insignificant decisions involving what shirt to wear or where to eat lunch. However, you will likely be surprised at the number of things you prevent yourself from doing because of your fear of being looked down upon by others, even if they are not around. Pay attention to what you feel comfortable doing when no one is around versus things you would not do in their presence.
This may not seem to be earth shattering news since we all naturally need to function with other people and abide by certain societal customs that we can not completely ignore, but I think we are all much more caught up than we realize in what other people think. The real danger of this is that we cease to think for ourselves and rely on others to show us the way. In order to stop relying so heavily on those around us to know how we can be fulfilled, we have to focus on thinking for ourselves as much as possible. The problem is that it sounds much easier than it really is.
Chapter 3: A Personal Observation
October 29, 2005
I thought I would share an interesting observation I made about myself yesterday while rereading a paragraph in the book, The Eye of the I, by David Hawkins (this is the sequel to Power vs Force). Due to losing my place a couple of times, I had to go back and reread the paragraphs a couple of times and did not think much of it until the third time. By then I had started seeing the similarity to what I was reading in my own life. To give you a little background, the book is about the path to enlightenment and is intended to bring about greater awareness in the reader. The section reads as follows:
"Illumination refers to those spiritual states where sufficient barriers have been dropped, either deliberately or unconsciously, so that a greater context suddenly presents itself, and in so doing, illuminates, clarifies, and reveals an expanded field of consciousness actually experienced as inner light. This is the light of awareness, the radiance of the Self, which emanates as a profound lovingness. Although, for many people, the experience may not last (as in near-death experiences), the residual effect is permanent and transformative. In due time, the light is likely to return again for periods of infinite bliss, peace, and silence, followed by a profound gratitude for the gift."
David Hawkins, The Eye of the I (page 30)
It goes on to say that most people who experience this become driven to obtain it again and go to great lengths to regain it. After reading it for the fourth time, I realized the similarity between what I used to refer to as "revelation spells" (a.k.a. partial seizures) to the concept of illumination referred to in the book. Then I realized that being diagnosed with epilepsy has been quite a transformative and life altering experience for me, and has driven me to read books I never would have read and to take classes I never would have taken (most of which have had some sort of psychological or spiritual connection). I have simply been attributing my growing interests in these areas as a determination to find the cause of my seizures. However, I think I have an ulterior motive that I was not aware of prior to rereading this section of the book, which is to find a way to tap into that feeling I get when I experience one of these revelation spells.
I thought it was interesting in several ways, so I thought I would pass it along to some of you who are involved in my growing spiritual awareness.
Chapter 4: Practicing Compassion
July 22, 2006
I wanted to share some ideas/insights with you that have been going on recently. A friend of mine recently challenged a lot of the people he knows to allow compassion into every moment of their day for several weeks straight. Being a person who has been doing a lot of soul searching of late, I took up the challenge. I did, however, add another component that my recent readings stressed as being important, which is to surrender positionality. The two seemed too congruent not to try both simultaneously.
I made myself several post-it notes and put them in places where I would see them on a regular basis and started trying to focus my attention as much as possible during each day. It basically involves learning how to relate and empathize with everyone and everything you come in to contact with on a daily basis, and realizing that we are all human beings trying to do what we feel is the best thing to do in any given situation. We are all products of our environment and upbringing and our actions will not always be what someone else would do. In other words, we can't help being the way we are.
All of our values and beliefs are based on our past experience as well. Since we don't always react well when those beliefs are challenged (i.e. we get defensive), it helps to recognize when we are reacting solely out of a defensive place based on our own structured beliefs, whether they are true or not. Plus, who's to say we've got it all figured out anyway? This also helps you realize that when other people react, they may be reacting from a defensive place as a learned reaction.
I'm currently reading The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama, and he has some very powerful things to say about compassion. The most notable quote so far is:
"Within all beings there is a seed of perfection. However, compassion is required to activate that seed which is inherent in our hearts and minds..."
The Dalai Lama
(http://www.happylifeu.com/DalaiLamaHappiness.html)
As for my personal observations on trying to allow compassion, it seems that there are many situations where I just don't know how to respond with compassion, or feel as though I am, but seem to receive information to the contrary. It seems like compassion (a vague term in itself) is not something we can just turn on, but a highly complex recontextualizing of stimulus and response behaviors.
In fact, it seems like I need examples to guide me such as "If you encounter a situation like this, a compassionate response would be something like this." Life is so complicated, you could likely fill volumes with this type of information, but I don't think everything you will ever encounter needs to be covered as you will eventually "get it" on your own after you start practicing and have the willingness to try in the first place.
In closing, I hope you all are doing well and that you may decide at some point to try your hand at this (keep me posted if you do). I think if everyone took this challenge (and it is a bit of a challenge), the world would be a better place.
Chapter 5: World Peace Starts at Home
August 25, 2006
As many of you know I have been doing a fair amount of research lately on life, consciousness, and things that might be considered more spiritual or metaphysical in nature (I've read that epilepsy does that to some people :-). What I have learned in the last year or so has just fascinated me enough to want to share it with others.
Since I come from an academic background, I have been approaching it all with some hesitation and skepticism, but have been pleasantly surprised at the consistency and coherence I am finding along the way (among scientific discoveries and a variety of spiritual philosophies). There obviously has not been such a major breakthrough wherein all of the skeptics are forced to agree (there is always a way to find a fault in something if you want to badly enough).
The conclusion I've come to so far is that it really doesn't matter if you believe what any of the major religions have said for hundreds of years. What does seem to be clear is that being a good person and taking responsibility for your actions leads to good things. Learning to be compassionate is a fundamental part of it all, no matter what your faith or scientific background, and will lead to happiness in your life if it's actively pursued. It also seems to be highly contagious, which could have far reaching implications.
The problem is that it's not easy to be kind and compassionate to everyone we know, especially if they are not kind to us. This is where certain ideas come into play to help us out. For example, the quotes below summarize a great deal without going into much detail, and can also serve as potential building blocks for structuring a happier more peaceful existence. There's a lot more information out there that supports these ideas, as well as specific tools for fostering happiness (not all of which are reliant on the common theme illustrated below).
"Internal peace is an essential first step to achieving peace in the world. How do you cultivate it? It's very simple. In the first place by realizing clearly that all mankind is one, that human beings in every country are members of one and the same family."
The Dalai Lama
(http://www.care2.com/greenliving/dalai-lama-quotes-on-peace.html)
"Everything is an aspect of this infinite intelligence, every person, every animal, every tree, every star and every planet, and every micro-organism, however small, is ultimately an equal aspect of the very same energy. There is no separatedness except as an illusion created by the ego and five physical senses; we and the Universe without exception are one."
Adrian Cooper
Our Ultimate Reality: Life, The Universe and the Destiny of Mankind (page 88)
Chapter 6: Wake Up Calls
September 16, 2006
Thanks, in part, to my friend Jason’s near fatal fall (he’s healing well now by the way - thanks for the vibes), I have come to realize more fully something about myself that I think may be of use to others. Given that I don’t believe in accidents and that everything we encounter has some significance, I think that major events in our lives are even more significant. We all periodically get shocking, and sometimes nearly fatal, messages in life that we refer to as wake up calls (my most recent wake up call was a grand mal seizure). I think these major events in our lives are designed to tell us something about the direction our life is going, more specifically that we may be pursuing the wrong path. Often times it seems like events have to be life altering to adequately get our attention, probably because we tend to bounce back too quickly from less dramatic wake up calls.
A lot of us have been lucky enough to survive life’s wake up calls and find ourselves on a totally different and more beneficial path. One of the keys to a more positive outcome seems to be to look at these events from a different, more impartial perspective and pay close attention to what was going on when the event took place. There are clues everywhere guiding us in the direction we need to be going, but if we don’t pay attention to the little things, it may take something more significant to get our attention focused where it needs to be. I’m very grateful for everything I’ve been through since it all has helped shape who I am today, and I like who I am today :-)
Chapter 7: The Power of Compassion
October 9, 2006
I wanted to share a story out of The Lost Art of Compassion by Lorne Ladner, that you might find inspiring. It is an actual case in point on using compassion to better your world, and it goes something like this (please note that I am paraphrasing here):
A student of Budhism is at a dinner party with a goup of intelligent and wealthy individuals. They had chatted a bit about Budhism, but then conversation had turned to more daily life type things. One of the guys (John) told this story about how one night he heard a thud outside. He ran to the window to see that his neighbor had just backed into his BMW (parked on the street) and drove away and parked in his garage. John went down and saw that the damage was pretty extensive so he went over to the neighbor's house and began ringing the bell. No answer. He tried knocking for a while and eventually gave up.
His insurance company sued the neighbor and eventually won a $5,000 settlement for the damages. After he got the car repaired, he found one day that it had been deeply scratched all the way down one side. John suspected his neighbor, but didn't witness it so he had it fixed himself. After he got it painted, the same thing happened again. He felt sure his neighbor was to blame so he went over to confront him about it. The guy denied it and threatened to sue him for slander for accusing him of such. He gave up and had it fixed again.
At this point John was constantly peeking out the window in hopes of catching his neighbor in the act and it was driving him crazy. He asked the guests at dinner what they would do. Suggestions ranged from hidden cameras to sensitive alarms (he had to park in the street). The Buddhist student wondered what his teacher would suggest in that situation and instantly knew. He suggested that John should take a gift to his neighbor and apologize for the trouble he has caused him. The people at dinner thought that was crazy and pointed out that the neighbor was a low life.
However, John decided to do just that. He knew his neighbor was a golfer, so he went and bought very expensive golf balls (the type people would not ordinarily buy for themselves). He went to his neighbor's house who was wary to see him. He gave him the gift and apologized for accusing him of scratching his car and wanted to give him a token of apology.
A little while later, the neighbor showed up at John's door. It looked as if he had been crying. He thanked John profusely for the gift and said that no one had ever been so nice to him. The neighbor told him if he ever needed anything, just to let him know. From that point on, he was the best neighbor one could ask for.
Just a little food for thought that might benefit you in your lives. It could have saved me problems a few years ago when I was having problems with my neighbors. Maybe it can do the same for you in some way.
Chapter 8: A Few Tips on Life
October 12, 2006
For those of you who are interested in some basic tips on living the life you want to live, I have come up with a basic list from my own experience (and research) that might benefit you.
Pay attention to your thoughts as often as you can. The mind is always working on something and we are oblivious most of the time. However, what it's doing (or thinking) affects everything we do and say, so start keeping tabs on the thoughts going on in it. This is referred to as practicing mindfulness and it does take practice.
Break your routine. This includes what you would ordinarily say in response to something, as well as what you do in your daily activities. This also translates into "think before you speak or act."
See what thoughts occur as a result of changing your routine. If you are practicing mindfulness and choose to do or say something different (or nothing at all) from what you would ordinarily do or say, interesting thoughts or feelings may arise. Pay attention to those and ponder them.
Stop to smell the roses. When you are feeling trapped in your routine or stressed out about something, take a moment to stop and clear your mind of the habitual thoughts for a moment. Take a deep breath and look around at the scenery and find something to appreciate. Practicing gratitude is an important thing to do and can make you feel better about things, but it too takes practice.
Some people say that you don't own your thoughts, you just listen to them. Thoughts tend to be based on years of training and are not always the types of thoughts that have your own best interest at heart. So, no matter what you are interested in doing with your life, being mindful will be a key to making it happen. With practice, you can begin noticing when negative thoughts start to enter your head and intervene before they take you somewhere you don't want to be. Over time, you can maximize the number of positive things that happen in your life and minimize the negative things.
Chapter 9: Some Suggested Reading
October 24, 2006
I've been out of town for the last week at our conference in Reno (which is a nice town nestled in some beautiful mountains). Now I'm playing catch up and trying to recover from a cold that I caught on the way out there. In the meantime, I've run across so much information I wanted to share that I don't know where to begin, so I'll just jump right in.
Since my last update, I've added a new book to the group of books I'm currently reading, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle (author of The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment). It delves into what you find when you start paying attention to your thoughts and how they affect your life. I highly recommend this book, as well as the others I have mentioned previously (and look forward to reading others recommended to me by friends). I will probably be talking about it more in the future.
I also wanted to mention that the recent issue of What Is Enlightenment magazine has a two part interview with Brian Swimme (a mathematical cosmologist). Part one is entitled "Awakening to the Universe Story: Comprehensive Compassion" (see link below). Not long after I made the personal comparison between gravity and love, I found out that this idea was not new (not that I thought it was). Swimme says, "gravitational attraction is an early form of compassion or care." He talks a great deal about the importance that compassion has played in the evolution of the world. I felt quite encouraged by what I read in his interview as he has a lot of great ideas about the evolutionary track we are on (both past and future), so check it out if you're interested.
http://www.wie.org/j34/swimme1.asp
That's all for now. I hope all is well with you and yours. Keep me posted on your lives as well. I enjoy getting feedback from others, whether they are through the blog or sent directly to me. Enjoy the changing seasons and make the best of everyday.
Chapter 10: Yin and Yang
October 26, 2006
I rediscovered a poster I made almost 10 years ago when I was working on my second master's degree (I must be getting old ;-). I was in a counseling class where we had to bring in a collage that represented us and present it to the class.
I decided to cut out words that I printed off on a computer and taped them to a poster on which I had drawn a Yin Yang symbol (see table below for the words). I didn't have much knowledge of the Yin Yang and just knew that it represented a balance between feminine (Yin) and masculine (Yang) traits.
The words I chose were based on what I thought to be more masculine qualities vs. what I perceived to be more feminine traits. If I had it to do over again, who knows how it would look, but the gist is that I felt out of balance, having very few qualities on my feminine side.
Yin
Kindness
Nurture
Feel
Equality
Compassion
Goodwill
Help
Humble
Touch
Human
Empathy
Acceptance
Tranquility
Peace
Care
Gentle
Support
Harmony
Cultivate
Respect
Love
Natural
Yang
Truth
Open Minded
Analyze
Global
Logical
Imagine
Consistence
Reason
Reflect
Create
Generalize
Learn
Think
Introspection
Speculate
Vision
Rationalize
Cynicism
Justice
Wisdom
Skeptical
Educate
Theorize
Many years and life altering experiences later, I now feel more connected with my feminine side and am now even aspiring to tap into more of those traits. In fact, based on what I've read so far, if we could all open up to the Yin traits I listed and extrapolate them to apply to everyone and everything unconditionally, then we could find true happiness in everything we do and see. Just some added food for thought. Take care and be grateful for what you have.
Chapter 11: Regarding Mindfulness
October 30, 2006
Well, not long after my six month anniversary of being seizure free (meaning I could drive again for a few days) I had a partial seizure. Oh well, I’m apparently not quite ready to be free of them. Anyway, I wanted to share some other information that I had recently come across that I found quite powerful.
The first is a quote someone passed along by an author named Rosenburg (not an exact quote), “Behind every criticism, judgement, or blame resides an unexpressed or unfulfilled need or want.” This reminds us to be present and aware of how you are feeling as often as possible. I am planning to read Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn to help increase my awareness of the present moment.
On a similar note, while trying to incubate a dream (a technique used in shamanic dreaming) on being granted the power of presence, I had some simple advice come to me: Think before you say something and don’t let an unkind word out of your mouth.
Some ideas have come to me regarding mindfulness and not getting hung up in the future or past events. Everything you’ve done to this point was absolutely necessary to your survival. Look back for guidance but don’t have regrets about it. Everything in the future will turn out just as it’s supposed to, so don’t waste energy with needless worry.
Also, I have been exposed to the concept of Ho’oponopono (an old form of Hawaiian healing that translates into “to make right” or “to rectify an error”) from several places now and recently missed a local workshop on the subject. However, there is a great deal of information available on the internet about it.
Taking responsibility for all that happens and taking action when trouble spots arise are at the fundamental core of the practice (which brings us back to awareness). Here is some basic information on how it works:
(taken from http://www.idreamcatcher.com/hooponopono)
“Cleaning is the actual Ho’oponopono practice. Cleaning what? You clean yourself from subconscious garbage – programs that run your life without your participation.
Ho’oponopono process is very simple. Actual Ho’oponopono cleaning process consists of repetitions of the following phrases:
* I Love You
* Please forgive me
* I am sorry
* Thank you
These phrases repeated will ignite the self transformation process for the practitioner.”
Learning about the practice made me feel a bit better about dealing with my life (and not sweating the little things), so I wanted to share it with you as well. Keep me posted on your experiences as well.
Chapter 12: Anniversary Thoughts
November 7, 2006
Today is my two year anniversary. It was two years ago today (November 7, 2004) that I had my first grand mal seizure and was diagnosed with epilepsy. What an earth shattering event it was. A lot has changed since then and I am grateful for it all. In fact, I have learned to be more grateful for everything I have and everything I have been through as a result of this life altering event. I also think that it is no coincidence that it happened right around election time. At that time I was getting sucked deeper and deeper into the political wranglings of our country's leaders and losing sight of what's really important – leading a joyful life.
Now, I have grown to realize that no matter who controls what country, I can be a whole person and lead a fulfilling life. I can choose not to let external issues control my life and find inner peace if I look deep enough. I can even feel compassion toward those people who have lost hard fought elections, even if they happened to be less than honest while in office.
Ultimately, the only things that can affect us directly are those things that we allow to affect us. We have the power to decide how to respond to what happens in our daily lives and my personal recommendation would be to respond positively regardless of the situation. Be good to everyone even if they are not good to you and you can tap into something that the Dalai Lama refers to as the "seed of perfection in all of us."
Everything we do or think affects everyone in some way, whether it's directly or indirectly, so it's important to act in accordance with the highest good. Treating everyone with compassion and generosity, and being grateful for all we have is one of the best ways I know to proceed. I hope you will consider doing the same if you are not already.
It's a tall order I know, but one that I am trying to implement in my life. All thanks to a diagnosis that could have been an ongoing tragic event in my life if I had let it be. Instead, I can now say that developing epilepsy is one of the best things that's ever happened to me. So, take care of yourselves and be grateful for everything you have.
Chapter 13: Choose to Be in Control
November 21, 2006
I've been paying attention to my own thoughts a lot more lately (practicing mindfulness) and learning a great deal about myself in the process. A great deal of what I do is based on habit or trained response. It's like the brain is a computer programmed with a series of "if" "then" statements (if I do this, then it will bring about this result). This is basically the role of the ego.
The ego is a survival mechanism that helps us avoid injury as we develop. We innately try to avoid unpleasant things and instead bring about a pleasurable outcome. However, as we grow, so does the ego's role in running our lives, which can become very detrimental to our development and prevent us from finding true happiness. Many of the books I have read recently talk in great detail about the ego, but I won't delve too deeply here. I could probably write a book of examples from my life alone on things my ego led me to do that weren't in my best interest.
Now that I have become more aware, I have noticed that I have a tendency to always be doing something and allow certain things in my environment to run my life. This may be out of fear or a way to distract myself from dealing with something I'm not ready to deal with, but that's a discussion for another time. The bottom line here is that years of unconscious living has caused me to lose sight of the fact that I have the ability to choose what I do and how I respond to my external circumstances, regardless of what my ego has to say about it.
By the way, Thanksgiving is coming up and it's a great time to practice gratitude for all that you have. Gratitude is a wonderful thing so make sure you take time out to think about all of the things you have to be grateful for and feel free to share. Personally, I'm grateful for every single thing I've ever experienced, as well as every person I have had the pleasure to communicate with, because it has all had the cumulative effect of making me the person I am today. So thank you :-)
Chapter 14: Getting Involved
November 29, 2006
I hope your Thanksgiving was as good as ours. We went to Florida to visit Shelby's relatives that we don’t get to see very often. In fact, she was able to reunite with her half-brother and half-sister whom she had not seen in almost 15 years (since the death of their father). It was a wonderful experience for everyone involved and I was glad to be there for it. Interestingly enough, the reunion was brought about by a dream Shelby’s aunt Sonya had. Her aunt acted on the dream by reaching out to us all and helped make the reunion happen. The love was everywhere despite the anxiety leading up to it.