What others are saying about
Broken
An incredible, imaginative mixture of fact and fiction. What a magnificent tribute to the chronically ill children of the world.
Dr. Peter F. Clark, School Administrator and Language Arts Specialist
New York State
I often find myself contemplating the “Inside World” in relation to my own health, and those little men and women working inside my body. I think about Molly’s journey, you really captured illness well.
Kylee Black, Founder of Spirit Sparkplugs
Taupo, New Zealand
Broken
Published by Anthony Massahos at Smashwords
Copyright 2011 Anthony Massahos
This book is available in print at most online retailers
Smashwords Edition, License Note
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Dedicated to Payton and Tara, the muscle in a house full of boys.
Table of Contents
Chapter 8-Conflicting Personalities
Chapter 19-Praying for a Miracle
Chapter 20-It’s Always Something
Chapter 23-A List of Conditions
The dynamic of my brother’s family changed when their youngest child was brought home. She was the blessing they had been hoping for after three boys, and then their little girl was diagnosed with a debilitating disease that would profoundly affect everyone around her.
A chronic illness is a thief that steals precious time from its victim. Time that should be used going to school, or on vacations, has to be spent in hospital rooms, and on doctor appointments. The rightful role of princess in the family was stolen from her by the disease.
She has been forced to be the fighter of the family. Always wrestling with her body’s aches and pains so she can do what children enjoy doing at her age, get out of the house and explore. Some days she gains the advantage, and then others she cannot get out of bed, but every day is a guaranteed struggle.
I have tried to imagine what my niece might be thinking about when she is lying in bed and enduring the pain of her illness. I know she submerses herself in books to escape the more agonizing days of her life, but how does she manage the disease when the book is finished, or she tries to fall asleep.
I wrote this book as a coping mechanism for myself. I just want to fix my niece’s body like I do a flat tire, or leaky faucet, but I can’t. All the therapies, medications, and doctor appointments that I talk to her mother about over countless hours of phone calls make my brain numb, so I simplified her struggle into a book to make it easy on me. The storyline is straightforward. The main character is my niece, fighting for control of a broken imaginary world that is her body.
At this point in time she has not asked me to read the book, and I will not ask her why. Besides, part of me doesn’t want her to for a few reasons. I included her mother and father’s point of view as I see it. Feelings they never share with her of frustration and doubt.
The second reason, in some of the lowest points of the story the heroine contemplates death. I don’t know if my niece has thought about it, but I know I used to when I was suffering from chronic asthma as a child.
I would like to thank my sister-in-law for giving me words of encouragement through the writing process. Pete for giving me an unbiased assessment of the book, and my wife Tanya for putting up with my mood swings. Bless the families and their chronically ill children.
My Life
What is taking them so long back there? I am starving,” Molly asked from the confines of her wheelchair.
“I don’t know dear, maybe there was an emergency,” Mother answered. She glanced over at the door that shielded them from the reason for the delay, and then searched the office for a clock. It was apparent the staff didn’t want them to know how long they had been waiting; there was nothing on the walls that displayed the time. Mother stopped herself from digging into her purse and checking the time by cell phone. She didn’t want to give Molly any indication that she was annoyed too.
“If I don’t eat something soon I’m going to pass out. How many times do we have to come here before they start giving us some answers to my problems? It all seems to be a big waste of time if you ask me.”
“Keep your voice down. This is not the right place to get in an argument about why we are here. Read this, it looks interesting.”
“You want me to read a magazine that has an article about the ten ways to make your boyfriend fall in love with you? Come on Mother, you tried giving me this garbage last time to shut me up.”
“I asked you if you wanted me to grab your book before we left the house and you said no.”
“I said no because I was mad. You should have brought it anyway.” Molly put the magazine down on a chair next to her. She began focusing on the doughnut box she could see sitting on a file cabinet behind the receptionist desk. Mother picked up on the stare and tried to pull Molly out of her food induced trance.
“I know you are hungry, Molly. We will get you fed as soon as the appointment is over.”
“I don’t think it’s fair that they get to eat doughnuts in the morning while I have to starve myself. It doesn’t take an MRI to tell you how I am feeling right now. I am grumpy and want something to eat.”
“I know dear. Be patient.”
“Why would a boy want to eat a doughnut with pink frosting anyway?”
“What are you talking about?”
“One of the boys that calls my name when they’re ready, he just grabbed my favorite kind of doughnut with pink frosting out of the box. I guess we know the reason for the delay now. They need to stuff their faces back there before they call on us.”
“You wouldn’t want one anyway if they offered it to you. Your stomach would throw it right back up after you ate it. You know one of the reasons we are here is because you can’t keep anything down.”
“I know. Everything else in my body is broken, so why not my stomach too. If the doctor writes another prescription for me because of this I will throw up right in his office…I swear.”
“Molly. We are ready to see you now,” the technician announced at the waiting room door. Molly slowly made her way to the entrance under her own power. Taking charge of the chrome rubberized wheels mounted on the wheelchair gave her a sense of independence. “Have you eaten anything in the past twenty-four hours Molly?” the technician asked as she approached. Molly ignored the question. Of course she hadn’t eaten anything. He should have remembered that she had been here before and knew the routine. The machine’s computer screen would have been able to call her a liar if she had stolen one of the doughnuts that were only a few feet away now.
“No, she hasn’t. I’m sorry but she can get a little grouchy when she’s hungry,” Mother answered for Molly.
“Mother, I am right here.”
“I know honey. I was just answering the technician’s question for you.”
“Let’s go ahead and get your weight first, Molly,” the technician said.
“The scale my doctor weighed me at yesterday said I was a hundred and twenty two pounds. Go ahead and put that number in your file. I am sure I have not gained any weight since then,” Molly said.
“We still need to weigh you, Molly. It’s part of the procedure you know,” the technician replied.
“All right then. I wouldn’t want you to get in any trouble,” she said deciding not to question his claim of some sort of protocol.
Molly hated the scale. It was a little more than a year ago that she had only one debilitating disease, but since then the doctors had added another to her portfolio. They were not sure when the second ailment had infected her body; some of the symptoms shadowed the first. The pain had become unbearable as the latest disease ravaged various parts of her body. In an effort to manage the increasing discomfort, one of her doctors prescribed steroids. In less than a year, she went from a skinny little sick kid sister to her three brothers, to the chubby girl that had to ride in a wheel chair.
“Everyone thinks I am fat and lazy,” she thought to herself as cars drove by and people stared in the neighborhood on the rare days she was well enough to go outside and play. Molly’s teams of doctors were worried about her health, but the only concern she had then, and now, was the affect the weight gain had on her appearance.
“I usually power my own wheel chair through the hallway. He can roll my big butt to the scale himself this time,” Molly mumbled.
Mother and technician headed for the scale leaving Molly behind. “Can someone please give me some help?”
“I’m sorry, Molly. You are always so adamant on pushing your own chair, I just assumed you would follow us,” the technician replied.
“Well, today is different,” Molly replied.
“Okay, Molly, here we are. Are you ready for the weigh in? I need you to get out of your chair and get on the scale for me,” he requested.
She wasn’t going to let him off that easy. “I need someone on each side to help me up.”
Mother approached Molly’s left side to assist. Molly wanted a staff member to help instead. “Mother, I don’t think you are strong enough to get me out of this chair. I want one of the other technicians to help.”
“Nonsense dear, I can do it.”
“No, Mother. I need another strong boy to help me up.”
“Okay, Molly. Stay seated and I will get someone else,” the technician offered.
Molly was keeping score in her head. They had won the first two rounds. This particular battle was going to be hers to enjoy. She was hungry because of them, and they had wasted over an hour of her time while she waited patiently for her name to be called. Now it was her turn to give them grief.
“I found another ‘boy’ to help you Molly. Are you ready?” the primary technician asked.
“Ready,” she replied. The assistant wasn’t as cute as the first, but she would make sure to pencil in the “Cute requirement” for her own set of rules she was drafting in her head.
“Steady now, Molly. We are going to have to let you go while we adjust the scale,” the primary technician said.
She watched the assistant move the smaller sliding weight to the right, till the arrow hit its center of equilibrium. “It is showing one hundred and twenty four pounds,” the assistant announced.
“Check that number again,” Molly demanded.
“The scale is leveled out, and it’s reading one hundred and twenty four pounds,” he repeated and pushed the large and small sliding weights to their zero position. Molly was speechless. How could she have gained two pounds after a full day fast? “You must have filled up on water?” the technician said. He could read the anguish in Molly’s eyes.
Molly stepped off the scale and set herself back into the wheelchair. The surprised technicians scrambled to help her, but she had already seated herself before they even had a chance to take hold of an arm. Molly began to pick at a loose thread on her jean shorts as the primary technician wheeled her into the large office that housed the alien looking imaging machine. Mother discreetly handed her a tissue. Molly refused the offer and promptly used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe away the symbols of weakness.
“Hello, Molly, nice to see you again,” the radiologist said while pushing himself over to her on a mobile office chair.
“Hey,” she answered.
“Not very chatty today, are we. I will try to make this as quick and painless as possible.”
“I’m looking for more quick than painless. I’m starving you know.”
“First things first, do you have any gum in your mouth? I know it makes your breath smell better during the fast, but I didn’t enjoy crawling into my million dollar machine to scrape off the gum you left in it last time.”
Molly had forgotten about that clever move. The score from her last visit was all tied up until the remaining few minutes of the appointment; she stuck a piece of gum inside the tube of the ominous machine. She quickly put her tongue and teeth to work on splitting the gum in half so she could honor his request. Molly placed the lesser of the two pieces in a tissue the operator had lying flat on his hand. Molly kept the back-up plan hidden between her right cheek and gum, in case she needed another last minute winning play to even the score.
“Okay then, let’s get started, shall we?” the radiologist said.
Radiologist and technician handled Molly’s body with care. The light touch of a finger tip on a problematic area of the skin could cause her to reel back in pain. She kept quiet as the two workers attempted to lie her down comfortably on the examination table.
“Molly, is your left foot acting up?” the radiologist asked as he took off her slippers.
“Yes. It feels like it’s on fire,” she answered.
Molly’s initial disease had been formally diagnosed just after her very first birthday party. Even Mother thought she was just being a fussy baby, until signs of a problem began to appear on her body. Molly had manifested no physical symptoms in the primary months of her life, but a few days before the birthday celebration, her right knee swelled to the size of a small lemon for no apparent reason. All that Molly was capable of doing during those early years of anguish was crying, and that became tiresome after a few hours. She learned early on to tolerate the pain in silence, before she had a coherent vocabulary to describe how bad she felt.
“Oh, honey. Why didn’t you tell me about your foot?” Mother asked.
“What good would that have done? We were already up till four in the morning because my insides hurt so much,” Molly answered.
“I know. You still need to say something to me when your skin sends you a valentine.”
The most recent curse to befall her childhood had unique visual indicators. When the pain was severe in a particular area on her body the skin would turn a certain color. Molly termed the condition “Valentine” for the shade of purple her skin would become when the burning sensation was at its greatest. She loved the candy hearts at the store that came with little romantic gestures written on them in pink, and the purple colored ones were her favorite. “Aw look. My leg is sending me a valentine,” she would say. The family needed to know when she was having an attack so they would stay clear of the affected area.
The radiologist began to adjust Molly’s position on the sliding examination table where she had been placed. “Are you doing okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine.”
“You have to tell me if I am hurting you or else I won’t know, Molly.”
“I swear everything is fine,” she said with pursed lips. It was a sure sign that Molly was annoyed. Mother winced a bit at her daughter’s curt behavior.
“Okay then, girl. Let’s roll you in and start the imaging if you’re ready?” the radiologist asked.
“Ready.”
“Have a nice nap,” he said before her head slipped into the white round tube.
Molly flashed a grin before she disappeared into the cylinder of the machine. It made her feel special to know that she left an impression on people even under these kinds of circumstances. The radiologist must have known from previous visits that she would doze off soon after the machine began to perform the imaging process.
Short periods of rest were all Molly had now when it came to sleep. She closed her eyes hoping to initiate the nap. “Sleeping used to be my escape, but now my body won’t even allow me to do that right. I hope I don’t wake up before he is done,” she thought to herself. Molly’s body became limp. The magnetic clicks and hums of the machine were like a lullaby to her ears. She predictably fell asleep at the beginning of the imaging process.
Inside Dimension
This meeting of Central Planning will now come to order. Everyone please take their seat,” the speaker announced. The conference table was surrounded by nine chairs, each representing a specific service essential to the Inside dimension. All the chairs were the same size, and of seemingly equal importance, except for one. It was located at the end of the table. The rightful occupant had been missing for more than a year now.
“Speaker Vargas, I would like to protest your chair selection. Although your assigned seat is next to Polly’s at the end of the table, I am sure we can all agree to keep her seat vacant in case she shows up for a meeting,” Deucy the Waste Manager proposed. Deucy was an odd man. He always dressed in a dirty brown suit and had a bad odor about him. He used some sort of homemade grease in his hair that nobody wanted to either guess the ingredients of, or ask him how he made it for that matter. He would use the mystery mousse to smooth back his full head of black hair, believing it was a rather dapper hairstyle for his face.
“Honorable Waste Manager, I am saddened by your comment. I will take your request under consideration, but for now I will occupy Polly’s seat in her absence,” he said. The speaker had to pick his words carefully when talking to Deucy. The man had a bad temper along with the foul odor, and was easily provoked.
Speaker Vargas was a skinny man with purple rimmed glasses that looked too big for his face. The full head of blonde hair he once adored had been reduced to thin patches on opposite sides of his head. A sparse joining of the two fair-haired islands met at the top of his cranium in a futile attempt to hide the bald spot and glow of the conference room lights. He would have been the laughing stock of the management team if it weren’t for his powerful position and the impeccably designed purple suits he wore to the meetings. Vargas’s formal title, Public Safety Manager, meant that in almost every corner of the Inside dimension, he and his people had a presence. His official duties ensured the others could operate under a safe environment, and warn City services personnel of any damage or danger the Inside and Outside dimensions may impose upon them and the systems. Manager Vargas had been democratically voted to the speakership in Polly’s absence, but now there were some concerns about how Vargas might be abusing the position.
“My fellow managers. This meeting has been assembled today to discuss a problem in the outermost branch of the western border. My people tell me we have an Outside threat. As speaker I have an obligation to shut down all work in the area and evacuate non-essential personnel,” Vargas announced.
“Mr. Speaker. If I may say something please? How do we know there is an Outside threat if Polly is not here to confirm your peoples’ observations?” Telly said. Telly was the head of the Engineering department for the Inside dimension. People came to him when they needed original blueprints, structural improvements, and theoretical explanations of the Inside’s infrastructure.
“Are you accusing me of manufacturing a crisis Mr. Telly?” Vargas asked.
“No sir. I just want a second opinion. Anyone else have employees that reported a problem on the western border besides Vargas’s men?” Telly inquired to the group. Everyone looked at their seated neighbors to the right and left of them. Nobody in the room raised an eyebrow, hand, or said a word.
“Mr. Telly, you’re going to have to trust me on this one,” Vargas said.
“Every time you announce a threat you tell us that. Evacuating an entire area because of an unconfirmed hazard causes significant hardships to its residents. It can take days, weeks, or even months to recover from such a shutdown only after you decide it is time to reopen the locale. We sit up here and make decisions that can cause real pain to the affected area and its residents. Please, Mr. Speaker. Can you hold off on the decision until other departments have time to verify a threat besides your own?”
“No sir, Mr. Telly. I am not willing to risk devastation because you don’t trust me. The evacuation is occurring as we speak. All work in the area will be put on hold until further notice, meeting adjourned.”
Vargas left the plush comfort of his predecessor’s high back chair with the organizer he carried held close to his chest. He could hear the mumbling of the group behind him as he walked out of the conference room, and then headed to his private office. The city and its offices were only 12 years old, but the rundown condition of the buildings gave the metropolis a much older appearance. Vargas approached his agency’s door. The frosted glass that bore his name had been vandalized again. A few of the black block letters had been scratched off. The door now read,
“Mr. gas
Public Safety Manager.”
“Please call Mr. Lattie so he can paint the missing letters back on my door again,” he told his employee at the reception desk. Everyone in the city called on Lattie when there was a general maintenance issue.
“Yes sir,” the employee answered.
Vargas disappeared into the crowded surroundings of his office. He had been actively stealing the furnishings that Polly, Molly’s confidant, had in her office ever since she disappeared. Polly was not only the inner voice to the woman they all served, that person being Molly. She was also City Manager, and the liaison between Molly and the Inside dimension. Vargas had convinced every manager on the Inside that Molly didn’t care enough to meet with Polly so they could plan for the demands of the Outside dimension. Polly knew the real reason. It was Vargas that had used his department to harass her boss at all times of the day and night. His crew caused Molly so much pain by using the purple suits’ electrical powers that she had a continuing case of extreme insomnia. Molly could hardly muster up enough energy to take care of the daily duties of the Outside, let alone meet with Polly during their regularly scheduled early morning meetings. Before Polly could announce the truth about Vargas at the next City Services meeting, she disappeared.
****
“Molly. We are all done,” the radiologist said softly. Mother went to put her slippers back on but stopped, the purple coloration had migrated to Molly’s calf.
“I don’t think I can wear my slipper on that foot right now. The pain has gotten worse since my nap,” Molly explained to everyone.
Molly lifted herself up from the examination table under her own power. Gravity caused the blood pressure in her foot to increase, resulting in more pain. This time she had no reservations about asking Mother for help. She knew the agony was going to be too much in the affected area to withstand her body weight. “I need some help getting into my chair please,” Molly said as the radiologist finished his paperwork. Mother set down the multitude of file folders containing Molly’s medical history she had brought in order to assist the staff with any questions.
“Absolutely Molly,” the radiologist said.
“Do we need to get a boy to help you again, or am I strong enough for this job?” Mother asked.
Molly gave her Mother the look they both knew meant business. Molly wasn’t in the same frame of mind as before her nap. “The burning has traveled up my leg Mother. It feels like it is buried in hot coals up to my knee now,” she explained. Mother and radiologist each put one of Molly’s arms around their neck, and placed one of their arms under her thighs. They gently eased Molly into her chair as she gripped the shirts of her caregivers in response to her aching foot hitting one of the footrests. The tears started to appear again, this time because of the pain, and not vanity.
On their way out of the medical center, Mother stopped just before the sliding glass exit doors. Molly instinctively knew the reason for the delay. She held out her hand to receive the sunglasses Mother handed off to her. Molly needed to protect her eyes from the sun. The assortment of medications the specialists and doctors had prescribed for Molly over the years had some serious side effects. She hadn’t lost her vision yet, but if she didn’t wear the sunglasses outside, she could go blind because of the sun’s damaging ultraviolet rays on her vulnerable eyes.
Molly’s inflamed foot could feel every crack and pebble the wheels of her chair passed over on the asphalt as Mother tried her best to navigate a smooth path to the truck. Molly rode in the truck quietly, with her head down, and focused solely on one other thing besides the pain. She had waited three long months for the midnight premiere to the sequel of her favorite movie, and she was not going to allow anything to stop her from being in the audience tonight. Mother had made all the prior arrangements for the show. She didn’t have the power to kiss her daughter’s forehead and make it all better, but she did have enough persuasive influence to get the theater manager to give them preferential treatment. While the other fans wilted in line in the hot summer weather for a good seat, Molly would be escorted to the employee entrance twenty minutes prior to show time. Her brothers would place her in a prime spot in the theatre before the front doors were open to the public.
“Mother?” Molly said.
“Yes, honey.”
“We are going to the movie tonight…right?”
“Do you feel up to it?” She already knew the answer. Molly would ride on the handle bars of her brother’s bike if she had to, to make it to the show.
“Let’s go home so I can rest. I am sure I will be fine after I lie down for a while,” Molly answered.
“I am going to let you make the call,” Mother replied.
Mother carefully pulled the truck into the concrete driveway of their home. She didn’t want to wake Molly up from the nap she had taken the liberty of engaging in during the return trip. Molly’s neck was arched along the back of the front seat, and her mouth was wide open because of the angle. It was in downtime like this that Mother was reminded she had a twelve year old child as wonderful now, as the first day she was brought home from the hospital. Every minute Molly spent in a doctor’s office was time being stolen from her childhood. Mother made it her mission to give her daughter the things she really wanted if at all possible, and the movie was the only item on Molly’s list at this time. She looked down at her daughter’s foot, the purple rash still remained. She didn’t have the heart to tell her no tonight, even though the activity would probably land Molly on the couch for a few days. Mother quietly closed the driver’s side door of the truck to get the oldest of Molly’s three brothers whom she knew were in the house. She needed help to get Molly out of the vehicle.
Molly woke to the noise of giggling just outside the truck. Her two other brothers were home from school, and taking pictures of her sleeping, mouth open, with their cell phones. “Hey jerks, help me get out of here,” Molly said as she opened the door.
“Did Mom leave you in here by yourself?” a brother asked.
“I guess so. Maybe she went to get help.”
“I think we can do it,” the second youngest said while opening the wheelchair he had already retrieved from the back of the truck.
It was standard procedure for the siblings to help their sister. Molly was the baby of the family, and all of them were intimately familiar with the severity of her condition. They also knew if she asked for assistance, then she really needed the help. The middle brother noticed the valentine first. He always had some wise crack to say that sometimes made her laugh. “Dang Violet, it looks like the Easter Bunny painted your leg purple,” he said as the two lowered her gently into the chair. The younger brother nearest to her age started dancing around her chair singing a song that had once been written and choreographed by a purple dinosaur. She understood the reference, but didn’t care much for his sense of humor. Molly ignored the taunt, even though she wanted to punch him in the face.
“Come on, guys, get her in the house,” the eldest said as he rounded the concrete path with Mother right behind him. The youngest brother continued to sing all the way to the front door. He could usually get a few laughs out of the oldest with his quirky sense of humor.
All three brothers helped clear a space on the sofa for Molly to relax. Everything she might need was put on an accessible area of the coffee table so she could reach them while lying down in front of the television. The most important item she needed to relax was being delivered by the youngest brother from its home base on her bed.
“Wow, Molly. Don’t you think it’s about time you threw this thing away,” he said about her pink stuffed bear.
“Did I ask for your opinion?”
“It has a hole in the throat, and it looks like the dog has been licking it.”
“Just give it to me and keep the noise down.”
The oldest stood in front of the television and inserted her DVD. Everyone in the house could recite the words to her favorite movie. One of Molly’s brothers had even blurted out a few of the lines in his sleep once. “How many times do you think you have seen this movie now?” he asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Are you excited to see the sequel?”
“You know it.” There were only a few people officially invited to Molly’s DVD viewings of her movie in the family room, and Mother was one of them. She never sat and watched the show with Molly unless it was really late, and she had finished feeding and putting the rest of the family to bed. The middle brother was the other invited guest. He usually sat on the couch and quietly did his homework. Molly appreciated his silent company as she dozed in and out of consciousness during her show. All the other members of the family were too high strung, or didn’t appreciate seeing the movie for the near millionth time.
Father walked in the front door to see Molly sleeping on the couch, and his middle child doing homework. He worked late most days. Molly’s medical bills added up quickly even though they had insurance.
“How did it go today, babe?” He stopped himself in the kitchen and leaned back on the refrigerator to prepare for the answer. He knew that if Molly was not up and greeting him with a “Hey,” then chances are it was not a very good day. Mother usually put a lighter spin on Molly’s appointments. It was in Father’s nature to fix things. Repeating her health issues that he had no control over only frustrated him. If something really required his attention she would feed him first, and break the bad news over dessert.
“It went okay. The specialist will call me back in a few days with the results.”
“Is Molly going to make it to her movie?”
“It’s all up to her. You already know what her answer will be if you ask.”
Molly began to stir on the couch. Father and Mother both watched her from the kitchen as she uttered a few groans and released a little toot. Her body conjured up all kinds of noises because of its sickly condition. Fortunately tooting was an acceptable form of expression in a house dominated by males. Mother frowned upon the comedic value the children and Father placed on flatulence. She always protested her family’s burps and farts, but she had to giggle when Molly dusted the entire room with her intestinal problems. A groggy Molly laughed at her brother covering his nose with his shirt to avoid breathing in the tainted air.
“Molly is up,” the middle brother announced under the sound of a muffled voice.
“Hey girl. You ready for tonight?” Father asked as he sat down beside her and stroked the hair from her face.
“I sure am.”
“How long did you sleep for?” he asked.
Mother stepped in to answer the question. Molly was still a little sleepy. “I would say about two hours this time. Wouldn’t you, Molly?”
“I guess so.”
“It looks like your lower leg is giving you some problems. How does it feel?” Father asked.
“It hurts, but not enough to stop me from seeing my movie tonight.”
“Well then, I guess you answered my question,” Father said.
Everyone went about their assigned tasks for the evening. Father went to enjoy some poker on the computer, and the boys played video games after dinner and clean-up. Molly stayed on the couch with Mother using the DVD player remote to restart her movie from the beginning. This would be the last time the two of them would see it before tonight. They both wanted to make sure the first was fresh in their minds, so the sequel could pick up right where the last one left off.
Everyone loaded into the truck except for Father. He had to wake up early for work. Molly knew he would sit down with her someday at home and watch the show on television. The three boys tagged along. She made them promise not to ask any questions during the show. Mother needed their strength if Molly had to be carried up a flight of stairs. They too had grown fond of the story and looked forward to enjoying the movie with their sister. The youngest brother taunted her for having a crush on the lead actor. She didn’t argue. He was the one she dreamt about sometimes during her short naps.
The manager of the movie theater met them out front near the ticket windows. He personally escorted the family to the employee entrance. Molly couldn’t believe the number of people that had gathered outside to see the sequel. Finally the health problems that ravaged her had a benefit, but she would have rather stood in line and enjoyed the camaraderie of fellow fans, than be snuck in through the back door. Molly stared at a few of the best costumes people were wearing as she was being wheeled passed the line. A girl about her age caught Molly’s eye. She looked just like the female lead in the movie. The stranger was busy talking to her girlfriends, but took the time to smile at Molly as their eyes met.
Molly insisted on sitting in one of the movie theatre chairs. Mother told her she was being stubborn. The theatre had places for wheel chairs to be positioned with excellent views. Molly wanted to be a normal twelve year old watching the show. She didn’t want people staring at her in the wheel chair while looking for seats. The boys offered up their muscles to assist their sister in her seat selection. She quickly counted rows and columns of chairs, and divided the number by two. “I want to be twelve and a half rows up and fifteen seats over,” Molly requested.
The family looked at each other in confusion except for one, the youngest brother. “Princess wants to be in the center of the theatre,” he said. He didn’t give her any sympathy. Molly was his sister, and sick or not, he was going to treat her like a sister that was close to his age.
“Good thinking, Molly. Once we get you seated in the middle of the theater nobody will have to walk over your feet. I don’t think they have a half row though. How about we take the twelfth one up for obvious reasons?” the eldest suggested. The two older boys helped her hobble over to the center of the theatre, as the youngest checked ahead for trash or litter that may have hindered Molly’s path through the aisle.
“Mom, let’s have some of those goodies you have stuffed in your purse,” the middle son said.
“We have to wait until the movie starts,” she answered. Mother had a knack of hiding the sweet contraband she brought from home for the kids. The munchies were much cheaper than the ones at the snack bar. Mother had to be frugal, Molly’s prescriptions were expensive.
The family sat in the deserted theater waiting for something to happen. “I wonder when they are going to start letting the peasants in?” the youngest said.
“Hey, keep it down. The manager was nice enough to let us in early so stop thinking your special” Mother said.
“Am I special?” the eldest asked.
“Am I special?” the middle followed.
Molly and Mother both looked at each other and rolled their eyes. One brother let out a loud yelp.
“What was that for?” Molly asked.
“I wanted to see if the place had an echo,” the guilty culprit answered.
People began filing into the theatre. The first few heard yelping as each brother tried his voice at producing an echo too. The boys started to rate the girls looking for seats based on looks. Each one used their hands to display a personal opinion based on a scale of one to ten. Molly was disgusted, but at least the game kept them occupied.
The lights dimmed slowly until the theater was dark. Mother began handing out the snacks she had smuggled into the theater. Molly passed on everything. There was only one reason she came tonight, and it wasn’t to fill up on candy. She sat up straight in her seat, wide eyed, and with a grin from ear to ear. The audience began to clap at the screen when the first vampire appeared. Molly became a little annoyed. She was used to the silence of her own home.
Mother sat next to Molly in case she had any issues during the movie. An hour into the film she sensed something was wrong with Molly’s motor skills. Molly’s hands began to twitch, and her eyelids appeared to be fluttering under the reflection of the movie.
Introductions
Excuse me. Where am I?” Molly asked the man sitting at a large conference desk by himself.
“Oh my goodness, you startled me. I didn’t hear you come in,” he stated. The man was working on a piece of paper that was surrounded by three neat stacks of notes. He was wearing a pressed white short sleeve dress shirt with a white pen protector tucked into the chest pocket containing black two pens. His bi-focal glasses and gray hair made him look old, yet Molly noticed his face was as smooth as hers.
“I am sorry to bother you, but where am I?” she asked again.
“I have never seen you before. Which department do you belong to?” he asked as the lights flickered on and off in the room.
“Department?”
“Who is your manager?”
“Manager?”
“Did someone hit you on the head girl?” he asked.
“While I was watching my movie I blacked out, and then for some reason I ended up here,” Molly said as they both felt a small tremor under their feet.
“Movie? We don’t have a theater in the city. What is your name?”
“My name is Molly.”
The man’s eyes seemed to double in size, and he began to hyperventilate. “You are from the Outside dimension,” he stuttered while standing up so quick that the chair he was sitting in almost tipped over.
“The Outside?” Molly asked.
“My name is Telly, and I am the Engineering Manager of the Inside dimension. Your Inside dimension, Molly,” he explained reaching out to Molly’s right hand and shaking it vigorously.
Molly noticed everything about his exterior was white. The shirt, pants, shoes, and even his pasty skin. His appearance suggested either a medical professional, or the ice cream man. “Are you a doctor? Where’s my Mother?” she asked.
“No, Molly, you are not in a doctor’s office. You are inside your body. You don’t know me, but I know all about you.”
Molly noticed something about herself as the initial shock of being in a place she had no idea existed sunk in. She was standing on her own, with nobody’s help. “Telly, I feel fantastic. Look at me, just look at me! I am skinny again!”
Telly stood by and let her enjoy the moment he could not explain. “My foot, look at my left foot!” Molly said pointing down to it with both hands.
“What am I looking for?” he asked.
“It’s all better. I don’t believe it,” she said admiring the appendage.
“Did you hurt it?”
“No, no, no. It has been acting up ever since my appointment this morning.”
“So it just started acting up, all on its own?”
“That’s what I said.”
Telly didn’t bother correcting Molly’s reference to the furthest branch of the western border she called her left foot. He was more concerned about Vargas’s claim of an Outside threat to the area. Molly sat down in one of the chairs, and took her left slipper off. She didn’t care for the style of purple rubber slipper she was wearing, but it was the only shoe she was able to put on while her foot was under attack. “Unbelievable,” Molly said as she put her left leg on the table and wiggled her toes.
Am I all better now?” she asked.
“I don’t know Molly.
“So this is what normal feels like. Maybe I should stay?” she said looking around the room.
“I don’t think you are allowed to live here, but I never thought I would meet you in person either. There must be a reason you have appeared,” Telly said. The tremors continued, along with the flashing lights in the room. Molly was in such a euphoric state that none of it mattered right now.
“I used to dream about this day when all the pain would just disappear. I gave up on that hope when I was diagnosed with a second disease a year ago,” Molly said as she continued to enjoy her pain free condition.
“Your liaison to the Outside disappeared about a year ago too,” Telly said.
“What liaison? I don’t know who you are talking about.”
“She is your voice on the Inside. She used to tell us what you were planning, and we prepared accordingly. We tried to get it right, but your Inside dimension has some inherent flaws for which we cannot seem to find any solutions. Since you don’t know who Polly is, then can I also assume you don’t know where she is?”
“Wait, Telly, I think I do remember who Polly is? Could she be the voice that I used to talk to in the morning before it was time to get up?” Molly asked.
“I guess she could be some kind of subconscious presence on the Outside. In here Polly is a real person. The Inside was in bad shape while she was in charge, but since her disappearance, our situation in here has grown even worse.”
“Have you looked for her?”
“We have done what we can but nobody seems to know where she is at,” Telly said.
“Do you think she could be dead?”
“Oh no, that is impossible. If anybody dies on the Inside, we all die, including you. She is somewhere in here, but none of us have the time to look for her. We have our own managerial duties to attend to in the Inside,” Telly said.
“Maybe I can help?”
“You, my dear, are doing enough on the Outside to keep us alive. You can’t be in here, and take care of business out there.”
The lights went dark in the conference room. Molly blinked, suddenly she was sitting in the theatre again. She looked around to regain her composure. It seemed that she had returned to reality, and Mother was staring directly at her. Molly shrugged her shoulders, and continued to watch the show. “Are you okay?” Mother whispered.
“I’m fine. Be quiet, the movie is playing,” she replied and shook her head in an effort to refocus on the show.
Everyone in the theater applauded at the conclusion of the movie as the overhead lights turned on. Molly and her family waited for the crowd to clear before exiting the theatre. Mother stared at her daughter like the doctors did in the examination rooms. “What did you think of the movie, Mother?” Molly asked.
“Don’t try to change the subject. Something happened to you didn’t it?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. I must have had a dream during the movie,” Molly explained.
“It looked like you had a seizure. We need to talk to Dr. Reiner about this tomorrow, Lil Mama,” Mother said. Lil Mama was the nickname the family had given her years ago. When Molly became tight lipped and stubborn, that was when Mother and Father called her Lil Mama. Molly figured it was useless to tell her parents everything, so she tried to handle some of the troubles in her body by herself. Sometimes the decision to endure the pain in silence had consequences. Like when she struggled to make it to the bathroom on her own one day, and ended up vomiting in the hallway.
Two of her brothers helped usher Molly to the wheel chair waiting at the end of the aisle. She sat down with her mind completely occupied on the visit to the Inside dimension. “Molly, you are missing one of your slippers. Look under the seats boys, it has to be around here somewhere,” Mother instructed. The search produced nothing. The slipper had mysteriously disappeared.
Dr. Reiner could not give Mother an explanation of what happened. Maybe it was a case of over stimulation, prescription side effects, or just a freak occurrence. Medical science didn’t have a clue as Molly predicted. Mother hung up the phone after talking to Molly’s primary physician. The two didn’t even talk to each other about the conversation.
Molly and Dr. Reiner had become very close over the years, but she didn’t dare tell him about the meeting with Telly. She felt guilty about withholding the information. He had always been straight forward with her condition, whether the news was good or bad. Most of the other doctors didn’t even listen to her, or try to explain things. They would discuss processes and procedures with Mother assuming she was too young to understand. Dr. Reiner understood Molly’s strong character. He would explain everything to her while making eye contact. Mother would sit quietly and listen to their conversation until they were done.
Three months of doctors and therapies passed after her meeting with Telly on the Inside. She tried to initiate a reunion, but she could never find the conference room while she was awake or asleep. She whispered Polly’s name out loud when she was by herself, but nobody answered. Molly wondered if she was going insane due to the medicines, insomnia, and enduring the on going pain for so long.
Mother noticed a change in Molly’s behavior since the movie. Molly seemed to be preoccupied with something during her waking hours. She would draw on a piece of paper a conference room table with a nerdy looking gentleman sitting in a chair. She also liked to sketch a girl that resembled her with the inscription “Polly, where are you?” written in bold letters below the likeness. Every time Mother asked her about the doodles, Molly became reserved and withdrawn. She could handle the physical limitations her daughter had, but losing her mentally would be unbearable. Everyone in the family noticed the change, but nobody wanted to talk about it, even the youngest brother.
****
Telly was standing alone in the conference room now. He didn’t see Molly arrive, or leave, but she was as real as the purple slipper sitting on the table. The room had gone dark for a moment during their discussion, and now she was gone. Telly gathered his papers along with the slipper and headed for Vargas’s office. Maybe their proxy leader had a good explanation for the lights and tremors. He had no idea what was going on, or if the meeting meant anything to the Inside dimension.
Mr. Vargas’s office door was locked. Gustavo’s agency would be Telly’s next stop. His office was responsible for providing the energy the Inside dimension needed to function. Telly stepped into the one room space to see Gustavo looking intently at the energy grid which represented the Inside dimension and its systems, while scratching his head.
“What happened, Mr. Gustavo?” Telly asked.
Each system of the Inside dimension was represented by a square, and each square had a green, yellow, and red LED light to signify its energy status. Some areas needed more fuel than the others, such as Scarlett’s Transportation department. She was responsible for the pump station, and its rivers and streams. She needed Gustavo’s power twenty-four hours a day. Telly’s department only needed energy when he was assigned to expand or strengthen existing structures. All the green lights on Gustavo’s grid where shining as bright as a flashlight with new batteries.
“Are you having problems with the energy grid, Mr. Gustavo?”
“Not anymore.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. I was sitting at my desk doing paperwork and the lights in every grid started to flash on and off. I have never seen anything like it. I attempted to make a phone call to Scarlett’s office to find out if she was experiencing any problems, but my phone was out of order. I was about to head over to Mr. Vargas’s office when the grid went back to normal,” he explained.
“Did you feel the tremors?” Telly asked.
“I did. You are responsible for our structural support. Can you explain them?”
“I have no idea what just happened.”
Gustavo had been the fitness fanatic of the city at one time. Back then every manager would keep their office door open to enjoy some fresh air in the morning. He used to make it a point to jog by his coworkers offices to say hello, but that was a long time ago. He still wore the same green jogging suits, only now they looked undersized for his body. The elastic waist bands on the pants were stretched to the max, and the jackets barely covered his belly.
“What do you think we should do?” Gustavo asked.
“Hopefully it was a one time thing. I guess we will have to wait and see what Mr. Vargas tells us to do at the next meeting.”
“Do you trust Mr. Vargas?” he asked Telly.
“He is our city manager right now. We have to trust him.”
Everyone in the management team had given up to some degree. Now they kept their office doors closed, and mouths shut. Interoffice civility was still being practiced, but there were some definite trust issues. Each department’s productivity level was functioning at the bare minimum, and just about everyone was ashamed of the job they were doing. Yet anytime someone tried to solve a problem, Vargas would accuse that employee of trying to make everyone look bad. Telly kept his meeting with Molly to himself and the purple slipper concealed. He didn’t want to be accused of starting trouble or losing his mind.
Telly said goodbye to Gustavo and headed back to his office. A person that resembled Vargas appeared ahead, walking the same path. The individual had a pair of cable cutters in one hand and was wearing casual attire. Vargas was always impeccably dressed, and Telly couldn’t believe it was him until the man came closer. The white undershirt with a ring of sweat around the collar and the dirty jeans he was wearing caused Telly to take a second look to make sure it was the speaker. The purple rimmed glasses Vargas wore were unique, and Telly further confirmed it was him because of their shape and color. “What just happened, Mr. Vargas?”
“I am headed to Mr. Gustavo’s office for an explanation right now.”
“I just left from there. He can’t explain it either.”
“I bet it’s an Outside problem that we have no control over,” he said and began to walk away.
“How come you are carrying cable cutters and a flashlight with you?”
“Because I can’t seem to find Mr. Lattie to fix anything when I need him, so I took care of the problem myself,” Vargas said as he continued on his way.
“I have never seen Vargas get his hands dirty. I don’t think it is in his blood to fix things, only make them worse,” Telly thought to himself as he watched the speaker walk away. He took a detour to Lattie’s office to ask him about today’s events. Lattie’s office had a white door with the word “Maintenance” stenciled on the front in black. He knocked first, and then stepped inside to see Lattie in his orange coveralls, orange conductor’s hat, and tan work boots. The maintenance man was hunched over a circuit board with a soldering iron in one hand. Telly understood the theories behind the Inside dimension, but Lattie had real world experience. Telly would seek Lattie’s opinion when it came to some projects. He just had to dumb down his vocabulary to explain the problem to him. The crowded office had numerous metal work benches about with tools and spare parts hung by hooks on every square inch of the peg board workshop walls.
“Hello, Mr. Telly.”
“Hello, Mr. Lattie. What are you working on there?”
“A little project for someone. What can I do for you?”
“You know anything about what happened today?”
“You mean the lights and tremors? No sir, I don’t. You?”
“No idea.”
Lattie could only focus on one thing at a time, and he seemed to be giving all his attention to the burning soldering iron. He only looked up once to see who had come through the front door, and after that he answered Telly’s questions while continuing to work. Telly felt like he was unwelcome. He headed for the door without saying goodbye. Lattie could see out of the corner of his eye that his guest was leaving, but he wanted to discuss the Deucy incident at the last meeting before he left.
“I cannot believe what Mr. Deucy said to Mr. Vargas during the last meeting,” he said while laying the red hot iron on its stand.
“I think it was a matter of respect. Polly could come back at anytime.”
“That’s true, but standing up to Mr. Vargas takes guts.”
“Mr. Deucy was right. I am glad he said something.”
“Me too,” Lattie answered.
“Talk to you later,” Telly said.
“Yes, see you later,” Lattie replied as he returned to his soldering.
Telly got the impression that the people he had talked to since the meeting were fishing for something. He had put his neck out a little questioning Vargas’s decision to shut down the western border, but that was a matter of protocol. Polly was the only one that had a line to the Outside, so how could Vargas identify an Outside threat? Maybe everyone had seen Molly, and they were all afraid to say something to each other? He knew the managers were unhappy with the deteriorating condition of the Inside dimension, but nobody knew who to blame or what to do. He returned to his office to continue working on the revised blue prints he had been looking over before the Molly incident.