My Mississippi Miss
By: Pantson Fire
Published by WSIC EBooks Ltd.
Copyright December 23, 2011 by J. J. Brearton
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The Era
Chappaquiddick, July 1969
The Dike Bridge, Martha's Vineyard
Photo via wikipedia
A Madman Threatens To Kill Gatz
Gatz Threatens To Kill The Assistant Dean of Men
Gatz's Father Threatens To Kill Two Students
Contemplation
A Judge Tells Gatz Three Dollars Is Not Enough Money For A Saturday Night
Gatz Fixes Maloney Up With A Nymphomaniac
Gatz Fixes Maloney Up With A Lesbian
The Horrible, Horrible End
The End End
The End End End
I Lied, There’s More
Even More—Sorry
Kind Of, Endish
You Want The End? You Can’t Handle The End
It Will Be Over Soon
Here It Comes
The Combat Zone
This Is The End, My Only Friend, The End
"You have to know when to go and when to whoa."
Darrell Waltrip
Woodstock: The crowd and stage in 1969.
Photo via wikipedia
A Madman Threatens to Kill Gatz
It was a November afternoon.
Jay Gatz and Dave Collins were sitting in their room smoking. Tony Green and Radical Dan came in and told them they tried to steal a campus cop car the night before.
"I didn't realize one of the cops was sleeping in the front seat," Green said.
"He got in behind the wheel," Radical said, "and almost sat on the guy's head."
"Yeah," Green added, a bit annoyed. "Radical was standing on the other side of the car and saw the cop before I got in. He didn't say anything."
"I just wanted to see what would happen," Radical admitted.
"He woke up when I sat down, looked up at me and said, 'You better get out of here, buddy.'"
That night Gatz was in one of the bars on campus. It was filled with girls who had been bussed in from schools in Boston. He saw Frank Maloney and Frank Trainor there.
"Green and Radical Dan almost stole a campus cop car last night," Gatz said.
"Excellent," Trainor said.
"What a coincidence," Maloney said. "I almost got driven off in a bus full of girls last night."
"No way," Gatz said.
"Yeah," Maloney said. "I walked a girl back to her bus. It was early, so I got on the bus and sat down with her. The bus gradually filled up, but for some reason, the bus driver didn't notice me. He started to drive away. All of a sudden, some of the girls started screaming and yelling. Then I got thrown off."
"Outstanding," Gatz said.
"Yes," Trainor agreed. "Truly fine work."
"Yeah," Maloney said. "You know, I think I could have driven off with the bus and taken a few girls with me."
Gatz, Maloney and Trainor silently thought about that, and then decided to go out to the parking lot to see if they could hijack a bus full of girls.
They stood around for a while, near the cars and buses, discussing strategy, and trying to convince each other to do it. When Gatz realized it wasn't going to happen, he started to walk back to the campus center to buy a pack of cigarettes. He got there just soon enough to see somebody lock the glass door from the inside.
"Hey!" he yelled. "I only need to use the cigarette machine."
The man pretended he couldn't hear him.
Gatz walked out to the road to head back to his room. A car screeched to a halt beside him--a white 1965 Chevy convertible. Maloney and Trainor were inside, laughing.
The door swung open.
"Come on," Trainor said.
Gatz noticed Trainor's roommate, Red, standing at the curb and tried to push him in the car.
"What are you guys doing?" Red said. He knew none of them owned a car.
Red struggled free and Gatz got in.
"Where are we going?" Gatz said. "Downtown?"
"Hell no," Maloney said. "We're going to Boston."
Just before they got on the Mass Pike they picked up three hitchhikers. "You guys can have the car when we get to Boston," Maloney told them. "We stole it."
The hitchhikers looked at each other in alarm.
"We'll get off at the next exit," one of them said.
Trainor drove on at 90 miles an hour clip.
When they got to Boston they parked the car on Commonwealth Avenue and walked down Harvard Street. They looked for a bar, but it was after one A.M., and everyplace was closed at that time of night.
They then headed over to see Jim Karp, who had an apartment nearby. Karp flunked out of their school the year before. As a freshman again, now at Boston College, he was repeating the process.
"How are you doing?" Trainor said to Karp.
"Not too well."
"How are your courses?"
"What courses? I haven't gone to any."
"Amazing," Maloney said.
"I've forgotten what I'm taking at this point," Karp said.
After drinking all of Karp's beer, Gatz, Maloney and Trainor decided to head back to school.
They walked over to the Massachusetts Turnpike entrance and started hitchhiking.
After about an hour, a State Trooper came along.
"What are you guys doing?" he said. "Get out of here."
They were standing in the middle of the road.
Walking around the streets of Boston for a while, they tried to steal another car. They were all locked, so they decided to steal the same car again. They found the car where they left it, intact except for a missing license plate.
On the road, about ten miles from school, Maloney and Trainor woke Gatz up.
"We're out of gas," Trainor said.
They would have to walk.
They had walked about at mile and the sun was rising. Gatz looked across the road and saw a hunter and his dogs in a field high up on a hill.
A police car drove up in the opposite direction and stopped. A cop got out of the car and beckoned to them. They crossed the road and went over to him.
"Is that your car back there?" he asked.
"What car?" Gatz said.
Simultaneously, Trainor said, “We ran out of gas.”
"You're under arrest," was the next thing they heard.
The cop read them their rights.
Someone had seen them leaving the car by the side of the road and called the police.
They had to take everything out of their pockets and put it on the front hood of the car. The cop then told them to lean up against the car. Then he frisked them. He handcuffed Gatz’s hands behind his back and handcuffed Maloney to Trainor. Another cop car came and they were driven down to the Shrewsbury police station. They asked them questions for a while and made up a few reports.
The cops then drove them down to the Worcester police station next. They were searched again. Apparently, they were looking for drugs. The desk sergeant asked a few more questions.
“You got any money?” he said.
“I got seventeen cents,” Gatz said.
Another cop behind Gatz said, "Two dollars and seventeen cents."
Gatz turned around. The cop was holding up his lucky two-dollar bill. He had been looking through his wallet.
They were driven next to the Worcester County Courthouse. As Gatz was being pulled out of the cop car by the arm, still handcuffed, a truck driver going by yelled out, "They finally got you, ha!"
Inside the courthouse they were thrown into a big cell with about thirty old derelicts. One guy had a pack of cigarettes and started selling them for a nickel each. Gatz looked in his pockets and found a Hershey bar. He didn't know where it came from, but he recalled telling the cops how hungry they were. He gave a piece to Maloney and Trainor. A newspaper reporter came by and took their names.
A few minutes later their cases were called and they went into the courtroom.
The judge told them they were charged with unauthorized use of a motor vehicle. He said their case was adjourned for ten days and that they were released on their personal recognizance.
Gatz got back to his room at about 9:30 p.m. and went to bed.
At about three o'clock in the afternoon, he woke up. He looked out the window and stretched. It was a nice, bright sunny day. Then he remembered and fell back in bed in despair.
About an hour later, Collins came in and started telling him he was an idiot.
"I already know that," Gatz said.
Collins had seen Trainor in the cafeteria. Collins told Gatz that he had seen Dean Williston and told him about it. The Dean said he could get Gatz the school's lawyer.
A few minutes later, the phone rang and Collins answered it. Collins held up the phone for Gatz. He made a face. It looked like it was going to be a bad phone call.
Gatz picked up the receiver and said hello.
"Are you the goddamn bastard son-of-a-bitch that stole my car?"
"Now, wait a minute," Gatz said. It was obvious to him that the person on the other end of the line was a delirious madman.
"You wait right there, I'm coming down there to kill you."
"Now, wait a minute."
"You wait right there. I've got a gun and I'm coming right down there to shoot you."
The tone of the madman's voice made Gatz believe he was telling the truth.
"I know who you are and if I don't get you now, I'll get you later. Wait right there."
"Listen," Gatz said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to steal anybody's car."
"You wait right there. I've got a gun and I'm coming to get you."
With that he hung up.
Gatz told Collins that there was someone coming over to shoot him.
"Who was it?"
"The guy who owned the car."
"Who is he?"
"Trainor found something in the glove compartment. He said it looked like the car was owned by one of the guys on the football team. He's the center. They call him Mad Dog."
"What are you going to do?"
"Well, he said he'd get me later if he didn't get me now. So, I might as well get it over with."
"What are you, crazy? Get out of here. Go down and hide in Minnesota's room."
That sounded like a better idea, so Gatz went down to Minnesota's room and told him he wanted to hide in his closet. Minnesota had been Gatz's roommate the year before. He told Minnesota that he had stolen a car from somebody and that the guy was coming down to his room with a gun to shoot him. Minnesota left.
After about an hour and a half in the closet, Minnesota came back and told him that Mad Dog had come down to Gatz's room with about ten other guys from the football team. He said that Mad Dog had attacked a guy who lived next door to Gatz because the guy said he didn't know who Gatz was. He actually didn't. Gatz had never even met his next-door neighbors. Finally, after threatening to destroy Gatz's room, Mad Dog was led away by the campus cops.
Gatz Threatens to Kill the Assistant Dean of Men
In the weeks following his arrest, Gatz met the Dean of Men, John Welsh, the Dean of the sophomore class, Bob Williston, the Dean of Students, Frank Shay, and the assistant Dean of Men, David Harrigan.
Collins brought Williston down to Gatz's room after they had taken Mad Dog away.
"He's being sent home," Williston said.
"Who?" Gatz said.
"Arnold. Arnold White. The fellow who came down here and attacked your next door neighbor."
"Arnold? Okay, now I remember his name."
"Yes," Williston said. "The young man who came down here and threatened to kill you."
"Oh, yes," Gatz said. "Now I remember. I wasn't here, but I remember. They told me about it. He's being sent home?"
"Yes. He hasn't been well. He agreed. But there is another matter. You need to get an attorney. We can recommend one."
"You can?"
"Sure. He's the school's attorney. He does things for the school. Why don't you call him up?"
"Sounds like a great idea to me," Gatz said. Williston wrote out his name.
"There is another thing," Williston said.
"There's another thing?"
"Yes. Because of the incident with Mr. White, the school has been informed of your arrest. You will have to meet with the College Judicial Board."
"I will?"
"Yes. All three of you will. You'll be notified. I can help with that."
"That's great, Mr. Williston," Gatz said. "What does that mean? That we'll be kicked out of school?"
"Not necessarily. But right now, I'd suggest you contact the attorney and get the criminal court matter squared away."
"Don't worry. I'll call him up. We'd love to get that squared away."
"Quite right," Williston said. "Just see what he says. I'm sure there would be no charge for the first appointment."
A few days later, Gatz, Maloney and Trainor went to see Frank Shay, the Dean of Students.
"What happened?" he said.
Gatz, Maloney and Trainor looked at each other.
"We got arrested," Gatz said.
"I know that. When is your next hearing?"
"Which one?" Maloney said.
"In court. I'm talking about court."
"Oh, court," Maloney said. "That's next Tuesday."
"Well, you'll have to see Dean Welsh," he said. "Now, get out of here. I don’t have time for you guys right now."
They went to Dean Welsh's office. After a brief wait in an outer office, they were called in.
"I know about your case," he said. "There's not much I can do about it. I've got too many other things--something else that's much more important. Another matter. Another student. He's been charged with kidnapping a girl from a local college. I can't get into your thing now. David Harrington will take care of that. My assistant. The assistant Dean of Men. He'll fill you in on the details of the College Judicial Board."
"Will we get kicked out of school?" Trainor said.
"I don't think so. We'll see. Speak to Harrington."
"That's good news," Maloney said.
"There's just one thing," Welsh said. "If you don't tell your parents, I will."
"Oh, my God," Gatz said.
"You'll need money for an attorney," he said. "Make sense?"
He looked at them for an answer. They nodded in agreement and left the office. Gatz figured he'd have to tell his parents when they came up to the campus for Parent's Weekend. Not the fun type of event usually experienced by visiting parents.
Harrigan called up Maloney's room and was told he would be killed if he called again.
Exactly how it happened that the Assistant Dean of Men came to have his life threatened was something that had to do with a visit to campus by one of Maloney's friends from high school.
The friend, Bobby Newfelder, had come to see Maloney with his girlfriend and a blind date for Maloney.
For some unknown reason, in his dorm room, Maloney and his old buddy got into a fistfight with each other.
Maloney punched Newfelder in the mouth and he responded by throwing Maloney's phone at him. He ducked and it smashed against the wall. The result of which was that the phone would only work for incoming calls.
The person calling up could hear the person answering the phone, but the person answering the phone couldn't hear the person calling.
When Maloney's college friends found out about this, they started calling up at odd hours of the night, just for the hell of it.
One day, Gatz and Maloney's roommate, Green, were in Maloney's room playing a few games on his official Boston Bruins hockey game set, where you twist the levers and two dimensional metal hockey players slap around a tiny black puck. Pretty excellent.
The phone kept ringing. Green and Gatz took turns answering the phone for a while.
They explained politely what was wrong with the phone. Maloney asked them to do this because he was expecting a call from his father.
At about the sixth call in a row, Green and Gatz figured it was a crank, and started getting annoyed. It was interrupting the game. They told the person on the other end that the phone didn't work, and to stop calling. Maybe they yelled it into the phone.
Later that day, when Gatz, Maloney and Trainor were going to see Dean Harrigan, they saw Green coming out of his office.
"I got dragged down here," Green said. "I guess Harrigan called up Maloney to remind him of the appointment, and someone told him he would be killed if he called again. I didn't remember doing that. Maybe Gatz did."
"I don't know," Gatz said. "But if you didn't do it, it might have been me. I'll take credit for it."
When they got inside the office, to their surprise, Harrigan took it well. He said, "I'm just sorry that I can't charge you with making an obscene phone call, since I called you guys and you didn't call me."
Gatz's Father Threatens to Kill Two Students
The weekend after Gatz got arrested was Parent's Weekend. It was the first chance he would have to tell his mother and father about his recent troubles. They had been in Acapulco all week.
Friday night after dinner, Gatz sat with them in their motel room.
"Someone called home about you this week," his mother said.
Gatz figured the school had called.
Gatz told them about stealing a car and getting arrested. His mother was crying and his father was cross-examining him.
"It wasn't the school that called," his father said. "Some young kid, swearing and cursing—drunk, maybe."
A little old lady had been staying with Gatz's younger sisters while his parents were on vacation.
Gatz's father continued. "He told Mrs. Rampart that you stole a car."