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Personality

Personality

Personality

By Thom McFadden's


Unleash YOUR Natural Charisma

In Person

On Camera

& in LIFE


From the ACTING FOR REAL™ Series

ISBN Digital: 978-1-4660-1497-8

Copyright 2006-2012 by Thom McFadden

www.ActingforReal.com, www.Lifestand.com


Published by Thom McFadden

Smashwords Edition


All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced (except for inclusion in reviews), disseminated, transmitted, or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, or the Internet/ World Wide Web without permission in writing from the author or publisher.


Design & Editorial Director, and photo captions by

Gretchen Martin, Little Pearls Studio, Los Angeles, CA


Book Design by Arbor Books, Inc.

19 Spear Road, Suite 202

Ramsey, NJ 07446

www.arborbooks.com


Cover Design Laura Dawn Lewis



To my Wife, my Life…

Nancy



Nancy McFadden

Photographed at a celebration for the American Children’s Theater co-founded by Thom and Nancy McFadden


Portrait of Thom by actor and artist Fred Ward

___________

WELCOME FROM THOM

Heaven Hi!

I congratulate you on taking these positive steps toward attaining fulfillment in your life. For over 30 years, I have used the techniques and strategies in this book to teach actors how to create characters for the stage and screen. Now I am excited to share the same techniques with you, Around the turn of the 20th century, Harvard-based philosopher Dr. William James suggested that our personality is a complex structure consisting of an “I” and several “me’s.”

Each of us has a good many roles, or “me’s”, that we play in various situations. Your roles as son or daughter, student, employee, and so on, all call upon you to modify your behavior at different times, to present yourself differently. Your “I” is your sense of continuous identity, which lies behind these various performances and ties the roles you play together into one “I AM” personality.You possess a number of different personalities (characters) which you automatically assume for different occasions and with different kinds of people. For example, you play different roles as a daughter, father, son, lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, sister, employee, boss, or friend. Each one is a specific character that you play in life for a specific audience. In your family, you play a certain character. In the workplace, you reveal a different personality.

With your friends, you portray a different character. And so on, and so on. What happens when your repertoire of roles is limited? When you’re limited and find yourself without characters to play, or when two different characters clash with each other, you become a bad actor. You lose trust and rapport with others because of your inability to present the personality needed to accomplish your objectives. Unless you have the requisite variety and flexibility to call upon the right character at the right time, you will send mixed messages or no messages at all. You’ll be stuck!

Having a well rehearsed, diverse set of “I AM” personalities at your fingertips gives you the flexibility you need to obtain the positive outcomes that you desire.

Personality, Personality, Personality. It's all about the body language, attitude and other learned behaviors.

Have you ever notice that when some people walk into a room all heads turn? Or when some people speak they captivate everyone around them. And how about the type of person that you shake their hand and instantly trust them . . . believe them . . and like them!

What's their secret? What do they have that most people don't? It's called a Charismatic Personality! -- undoubtedly one of the most desirable qualities in the world. In this book you learn how to develop a Charismatic Personality!


By developing a Charismatic Personalty:


* You get far more respect than the average person!

* People seem to adore you without any effort on your part!

* You exude huge amounts of self-confidence and self-esteem!

* You seem extremely powerful without being intimidating.

* You put people at ease and make them feel understood!

* And you're able to easily get what you need, because people instinctively like You!


A Charismatic Personality is easy to spot.  It's an attractiveness that goes beyond good looks, an appeal that can't be labeled as intellectual brilliance or a terrific sense of humor. Most people see it as something elusive and unachievable -- a kind of magical, mysterious magnetism that you're either born with or not. And the fact is that nothing could be further from the truth!

Now you can have the personalty everyone likes! This book will teach you how to create this the same way actors learn to create authentic charactors. The adjective we use for this is Acting for Real. By teaching you these tequniques, you become an Actor for Real and Future Charismatic. Over the years as an actor, teacher, and coach, it has become very apparent to me that acting is turning the psychology of a character into behavior. Why then, can’t a layperson, by modeling external behavior and connecting it to his internal psychology, learn how to portray empowering characters in life by using the same strategies and techniques that an actor uses for the stage and screen? Now you can! I hope that this book will stimulate your imagination and challenge you to take action.


Be Bop!

Thom McFadden



Acknowledgments

__________________________

No one writes a book alone. Most of the ideas in this book are mine while a few are from other sources long forgotten. I wish to acknowledge the immeasurable contribution others have made to my life by freely sharing their enlightenment. It is my sincere desire that you may benefit from the ideas contained in this book and pass them on to others.

Thank you Gretchen Martin for helping me to complete this book, and Tyler McFadden, James McFadden and Christine Whitmarsh for your invaluable contributions. I am grateful for the love and loyalty so generously given to me by Brian Hamill, J.C. (Justine) Compton, Tim Matheson, Fred Ward, Jay Dekeyser, Genevieve Bujold, Alex Street, Jim Beckett, George DiCenzo, Francesca and Rudy Bianci, Andrea Tose, Tracy Tracton, Jan Cady, Candy and Michael Wahl, Rita and Larry Miller, David Tod, Fran Tarkenton, and Paul Donner. Throughout our years of friendship, I have been uplifted by your support, nourished by your love, and inspired by your examples.

I wish to acknowledge Dr.Richard Bandler, co-founder of NLP™, who has graciously given me permission to use his work in sub-modalities as part of my teachings in this book. Richard has been a great influence to me creatively, and has left an indelible mark on my life.

I wish to thank my late mother for the love, encouragement, and respect that she has so generously given me. My Aunt Vesta for taking me in and loving me like one of her own. Judy McFadden, who has been more like a sister than a cousin. Fred and Nancy Tod, for their love and support.

And finally, I’d like to thank my family, my three sons James, Tyler, and Will, who contribute to my personal growth and happiness every day, and my wonderful wife Nancy for being the leading lady in my life.

There are so many others who have made a difference, whom I wish to thank. You know who you are. However, I feel like I’m at the Academy Awards and the music is playing me off, so…Let’s Act!

For years I've been teaching actors to be real people.

Now I'm teaching real people to be actors.

Excerpts from Chapter 25: Communication reprinted by permission of Dr. Richard Bandler, co-founder of NLP™

Selections from Chapters 24 & 26: Survival to Success and Self-Perseverance reprinted and adapted from Get Rich in Spite of Yourself by Louis M. Grafe, Los Angeles, Grafe & Grafe, 1945©



Personality, Personality, Personality:

THE ACTOR FOR REAL AND FUTURE CHARISMATIC PART I

Introduction


Thom surf fishing in Malibu Colony

Photo by Brian Hamill


“All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts…”

—William Shakespeare



When I first arrived in Los Angeles, I was fortunate enough to rent a beach house in Malibu. Living so near the ocean, I was able to enjoy my passion for surf fishing. My neighbor Archibald Leach would often join me as I fished, and we would sit talking about life, acting, and the catch of the day.

Archibald emphasized to me the importance of constantly working on yourself as an actor: “An actor needs to mine the gold in himself,” he would say, “Life is a stage, and we all role-play various personalities in our everyday lives. Every one of us should prospect their own unique talents.” He spoke in depth about working in the circus as an acrobat, juggler, and barker to develop the skills he would need to be a successful entertainer.

Archibald was a great example of how far you can go by creating a character that empowers you. He spent many years portraying the “professional actor” character in his artistic life. Archibald's wisdom taught me to tap into the “gold” by building on my strengths and instincts as an actor. I will never forget fishing with Archibald Leach as he told me how he had spent a lifetime creating his character in life, “Cary Grant.”


CHAPTER 1:

Be Coachable


BE COACHABLE IN ACTION: Ray Sharky and Thom working with Academy Award nominee, writer and director James Toback on the 1982 feature film Love and Money

__________________________

“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.”

—Shakespeare

“The ideal condition would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; but since we are all likely to go astray, the reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach.”

—Sophocles

My success as an actor, teacher, author, coach and parent has been due in a large part to my willingness to learn from great mentors. I have been fortunate enough to model and grow from the knowledge, experience, and wisdom of Henry Miller, J.C. (Justine) Compton, William Inge, Jack Garfein, Rod Steiger, Paul Donner, Dr. Richard Bandler and Cary Grant. I could not have achieved my professional and personal success without their help. From them, I learned to be ecstatic and possessed about my outcomes everyday.

A coach can help you create a positive attitude, bust out of comfort zones, change limiting beliefs, and teach you how to model excellence. He helps you to make changes and encourages you to build strength where strength lies, while constantly inspiring you towards your desired goals. He gives you the necessary third eye to see things in your career, your life, and your craft from a greater perspective.

Through your willingness and my coaching, we will identify the characters that you portray in life (or lack thereof), utilizing the same strategies and techniques that an actor uses to develop characters for the stage or screen. This process teaches you how to create new, empowering characters to STAR in your life, thereby maximizing your potential for success.

Do you have a need to better yourself? Of course you do, or you wouldn’t be reading this book. Are you coachable? Let’s find out!

The phenomenal Tiger Woods’ incredible achievements as a golfer are a perfect example of natural talent taken to new levels of greatness through coaching. Tiger not only consistently wins high stakes tournaments, but also frequently sets records and has become the youngest champion ever to win The Masters. He has already established himself as one of the greatest golfers in sports history.

Tiger Woods, even with all of his skill and talent, still has a coach—in fact, he has many coaches, on and off the links. Tiger’s most important coach was his late father, Earl Woods, a military man who taught him to dedicate himself to the discipline that an athlete must have to win. Tiger Woods is just one example of a willing student being taught by great coaches. Anyone who has reached the pinnacle of success would not have been able to do so without great coaching.

The aim of this book is to lend you the power of an experienced (and hopefully somewhat entertaining) coach to make your outcomes positive, progressive, accelerated and aligned with your goals!

An important thing to remember is that there are no such things as failures, there are only outcomes. Your beliefs, attitudes, and actions are directly responsible for your outcomes.

When I coach actors for a role, I have them first read the play or screenplay for logic, then write down their first impressions. As an Actor for Real and Future Charismatic, it’s important for you to do the same. Get a pen and pad of paper ready and start your Acting for Real journal of your first impressions and observations to keep beside you as you continue to read.

Before moving on to the next chapter, jot down your first impressions of all that you’ve read to this point and what’s applicable to making changes now. Make sure that you do this after each chapter because there may be a pop quiz at the end!

Ha-ha.



CHAPTER 2

Attitude

ATTITUDE IN PRACTICE

Thom’s modeling days…It’s all about the attitude!

_____________

“If you don’t change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever.”

—Unknown

When an actor like Tom Cruise, Denzel Washington, Meryl Streep, Gwyneth Paltrow, Brad Pitt, Reese Witherspoon, or Russel Crowe, works on a part, they completely immerse themselves in the life of the character that has been written by the screenwriter. They create a backstory, using the character’s values, ambitions, habits, ticks, strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes; everything that has to do with the character’s behavior in the given circumstances. This process is called downtime. Downtime is when the actor researches what the character is made of, turning the psychology of the character into behavior. Uptime, or real time, begins when the director calls, “Action!” so that the behavior of the character becomes organic. We will explore this further in the second act of this book.

Since you are the star in your life, your downtime is understanding the backstory and psychology of the characters that you portray. The first step in nuking the negative characters and replacing them with new empowered ones is developing the Acting for Real attitude.


at·ti·tude (n.)

1. A manner of acting, feeling, or thinking that shows one’s disposition, opinion, etc.

2. A position of the body or manner of carrying oneself.

The more I study, write, teach, coach, and direct, the more I’m convinced that a great attitude, positive belief system, and self-confidence will allow you to consistently reach your goals. To tap into your creative mind, you must first understand how to grasp a positive attitude with certainty. A positive attitude results from the elimination of negative thinking.

It all begins with attitude. Your attitude has a profound impact on the quality of your life. It can make or break you. Your reactions to events that happen in your life are far more important than the actual events. You cannot change the past or predict the future. Challenges will continue to occur in your life. The only thing you have complete control over each and every day is your attitude. Your attitude about yourself is the perfect place to start. Each of us is born with unlimited potential. Your self-esteem is a function of the continuum between your beliefs, values, and your actions. Act with integrity.

You don’t have to be the smartest or the most talented, but you do have to have a great attitude if you desire to be successful.

A great Attitude + a little bit of Aptitude =Altitude (A + A = A)

You can go as high as you desire!

As you examine your behavior, roles, and hidden agreements, you will learn more about yourself and you will disengage from self-limiting (negative) attitudes. Once you have eliminated those obstacles, you will be on the road to the positive attitude and enlightened state of mind that will serve as your foundation as an Actor for Real and Future Charismatic.

Acting, like life, is about making choices and stringing them together. You make choices everyday that affect your outcomes. Every morning you have the opportunity to have a great attitude or a lousy one. If you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, roll over, and start your day off right. The choice is yours!

Be Possessed

pos·sessed (adj.)

1. Controlled by, or as if by, a spirit or other force.

2. Influenced or controlled by a powerful force such as a strong emotion; obsessed.

In my acting seminars, I begin by asking, “Who wants to be a movie star?” Every hand goes up. “If it took only one word to make it happen—would you do it?” Everyone shouts, “Yes! Tell us the word!”

I usually make students wait until the end of the seminar to find out, but I’ll give it to you right now…the mystery word that will accomplish anything you desire is (drum roll please) POSSESSED. To be possessed is not to want to be a movie star, but to need to be a movie star!

Show me any successful person and I will show you a person that is possessed.

Their success is driven by great desire, a positive attitude, and an intense love of their work.

In order to make successful changes in your behavior, you must put yourself in a state of mind—present, positive, and possessed– that is so powerful, that the changes you are making no longer seem like an effort.

You cannot drive yourself to success. You must be driven to be possessed!

You must be possessed about the goals you have set for yourself, in order to reach them via the steps presented in this book.

The process involves becoming aware of, and learning to control the self-limiting, negative attitudes that stand in the way of success: Fear, Your Inner Critic, and Self-Talk. Let’s start by understanding fear.

Fear

fear (n.)

1. A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger;

2. A state or condition marked by this feeling

3. A feeling of disquiet or apprehension.

________

“It is what we fear that happens to us.”

—Oscar Wilde

“Fear is excitement without breath.”

—Robert Heller

Once you are possessed, identifying and conquering fear is the next step towards attaining a positive attitude. Fear can be a self-limiting emotion when it is used as an excuse to stop moving forward. Imagine two boys, with similar athletic ability, playing football. When an opposing player kicks the ball, the first boy thinks to himself, “I hope he kicks it to me! My family is watching, I feel alert, and I know I can run for the touchdown!” While the second boy is thinking, “I hope he doesn’t kick it to me. I’m not ready yet and my dad’s watching…if I fumble he’s going to kill me! Please God, don’t let him kick it to me!”

One boy has faith in his abilities, and he turns his fear into anticipation that he will catch the ball and run it back for a touchdown. The second boy is frightened of his abilities and is frozen by fear, hoping that the ball won’t be kicked to him because he’s afraid he’ll drop it.

This is not to say that the boy who runs for the ball is not afraid. The major difference is that the first boy uses his fear and adrenaline as momentum, to propel him down the field. He’s confident that he’s going to score a touchdown. The other boy allows the fear to freeze him in his tracks, eliminating any chance of success.

Fear is an emotion that, when combined with a positive belief system and a healthy attitude, will drive you forward throughout your life. As an Actor for Real and Future Charismatic, fear is a healthy, natural reaction that helps you anticipate what is coming next, confront it, handle it, and continue on toward your goals. Fear places you in present time, reminding you that you are in the now.

A stage actor waiting for his entrance from the wings must place himself in the upcoming scene, run through its events in his head, and prepare himself emotionally before taking the stage. The actor backstage is full of anticipation, charged with adrenaline, and yes, he is afraid. That fear will drive him throughout the scene, making him alert, and ready for whatever happens next on that stage. Without it he will be unready, unprepared, and unable to react to the events that unfold. Fear is one of the emotions that will direct him to a positive outcome. If you replace the word “fear” with “anticipation” it will transform into a positive driving force that stimulates your imagination and propels you toward success.

Simply trying to “fight” natural human responses such as fear is rarely effective. Instead, you must befriend your fear and use it as a tool to empower you.


Thom as a toddler. You can see Thom’s anticipation as older brother, O’Brian, tries to hold him back!

Inner Critic

Like fear, self-limiting beliefs are also created by your inner critic. This internal voice talks you out of going after things that you know you can do, you desire, and you deserve. It is inspired by the voice of someone who has told you that you can’t do something —a family member, a friend, a colleague, etc. These are people who believe they are looking out for your best interests and are keeping you from getting hurt. But people like this, who are overly critical and believe they are helping you, are not aware of the psychological damage that is being done. “You can’t sing!” “Why can’t you be more like your sister, she always gets good grades.” “You’ll never make it.” “That kind of thing should be left to the professionals.” These are examples of external garbage that creates your inner critic, making it into the voice of opposition that prevents you from taking action. Once created, you feed it simply by agreeing with it, allowing it to stop you from moving forward.

Your inner critic exists because your subconscious believes it to be your protector, for better or worse. Throughout your life you have programmed your inner critic through your beliefs, environment, upbringing, and social circumstances, to resist significant changes. Therefore, when confronted with any kind of change, it believes it is protecting your best interests and keeping you from getting hurt—kind of like mom. It truly thinks that it is right.

When you start to make changes in your life and your critic questions your actions, what should you do? Most people think they have only two choices when this happens: fight it, or let it prevent you from moving forward.

When you are alone, in communion with yourself, working to make dramatic changes in your life and your critic begins to stop you, ask it to cut you some slack. Instead of fighting it and defending yourself against it, befriend your inner critic to get rid of any obstacles in your path to action. Tell it that you know it is looking out for you and trying to protect you against pain. Ask it to please let you move forward this time. This is a change that needs to be made and an action that needs to be taken to reach a positive, worthwhile outcome. Negotiate with the inner voice that is trying to keep you from taking the risk to go after what you desire in life. Ask it for some cooperation.

For instance, an actor will find lures to trick his inner critic and stimulate his creative imagination when he’s playing a character. His creative imagination will allow him to portray the behavior of the character instead of shutting him down. He then turns the changes he’s making into a fun game that results in the positive outcome of a multidimensional character. You can do the same!

Most people, unfortunately, follow their first instinct, which is to try to simply kill the voice. It takes far too much time to fight your inner critic, who is well armed with a lifetime of reasons not to change. Trying to silence your inner critic only shuts you down and paralyzes you. You are trying to ignore something that is much bigger than you—your subconscious. And when you do, you will be unable to move forward towards your goals. It’s like walking in cement—the longer you pause, the harder it is to get moving again. In a state of paralysis, your critic will easily overpower you and all of the positive steps you have taken will become undone. Keep moving! Every step forward is a step in the right direction to reach your desired outcomes.

Like fear, the inner critic is a powerful force that when harnessed with a positive attitude, can inspire you to get up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward.

Some ways to get to know and befriend your inner critic include:

* Write out all the things that your inner critic says to you at different times of the day, in different situations, and with different people, and notice what the patterns are. For example, does your inner critic get stronger when you’re tired, hungry, or stressed? If so, taking breaks, unwinding, having snacks, and relaxing can all reduce the power of your inner critic.

* If writing out the inner critic’s messages leads to your adding more and more criticisms to your list, stop writing and try to step back from the inner critic. See if you can simply observe that there is a part of you that thinks this way, and that not all of you thinks this way. You don’t need to argue with the inner critic, just be aware of it and let it know that everything will be okay.

* Draw your inner critic like you’re sketching a suspect at a crime scene. Could you pick him or her out of a lineup? If your inner critic has already spoken up and said, “You can’t draw!” then capture him, don’t let him get away and start drawing. What or who does the inner critic look like?

* Drawing the inner critic externalizes it and helps you to identify it when it surfaces.

* You don’t have to know when your inner critic started. Just like when there’s a fire you don’t have to know how it started, you just have to put it out. By identifying your inner critic and befriending it, you’re disarming it so that it no longer prevents you from taking action and reaching your desired outcomes.

While your inner critic acts as the preprogrammed recording of pessimism, self-talk is the internal dialogue that results.

Self-Talk

“The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large.”

—Confucius

“Every thought you’ve ever had is stored in your brain and remembered forever!”

—Wilder Penfield

Along with your inner critic, self-talk is a constant conversation in your conscious and unconscious mind that can be self-limiting unless you become aware of it and use it to empower you. Negative self-talk can come from inside of you (inner critic) or from the outside world and the given circumstances. We are the results of how we have been programmed. The mind does not make value judgments about the information with which it is programmed. When garbage has been programmed into the subconscious, the garbage will come out—or the outcome will be garbage!

Be aware of who and what is programming your brain. Your co-stars in your life must support your beliefs and encourage your ideas so that they can help you reach your positive outcomes. If you allow bad actors to be your directors and make decisions for you, you’ll be an extra rather than the star!

GIGO



These are just a few examples of garbage in and garbage out… You get the point! Recognize your own GI = GO, so that you can stop it.

Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk is internal dialogue that cripples your self-esteem and promotes the victim character.

“How could I be so dumb?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“I’ll never be able to act like a professional.”

“I won’t get far without a college degree.”

“Why me? Woe is me, poor me…”

If you accept negative self-talk statements like these, you will lose your passion to succeed, excel, compete, and give back to society. By becoming aware of your self-talk, you will rekindle your passion for life and leave your victim character off stage. Through self-talk, what we are constantly thinking about and affirming to ourselves, we build and modify in our self-image. By programming our subconscious mind with positive self-talk, we can modify our current self-image, which then enables us to reach more of our true potential.

Now let’s take a look at the specific roles that make up your identity.

Self-Image

“Self-image is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self-image and you change the personality and the behavior.”

—Maxwell Maltz

Your self-image is based on an identity that is composed of the specific roles you play in life. The more specific characters that you identify yourself as, the more power you are feeding into your identity. When I’m doing an acting seminar, I always ask the participants, “Are you a man, woman, or a human being? You can only pick one.” Most of the time they reply, “human being.” WRONG! Yes we are born as humans and are beings until the day we die. But when you simply refer to yourself as a “human being,” you’re saying that you’re a mammal who walks on two legs and currently has a heartbeat or the highest form of animal intelligence. But you are more than that, so be more than that. You are a man or a woman. You are a mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, a teacher, a pupil. You are special and unique. You portray many diverse and wonderful roles in life, so take ownership of everything that you are.

In other words, take total responsibility of your self-image as a man or a woman. Having a clear, specific sense of your identity is one of the keys to creating the positive self-image that will drive your characters to success.

Comfort Zones

Our self-image corresponds directly to behavior regulators called comfort zones.

For each current picture we have of ourselves there is a comfort zone that reinforces that image. There are different kinds of comfort zones. Some comfort zones come from shared images. Our culture often tells us what we should do or believe. As these images become stronger, they can become cultural comfort zones, or cultural trances. Often the strongest and most limiting comfort zones are based on personal or family values and beliefs. These are restrictive zones. These compelling mental maps are enough to hold people back from ever reaching out for what they need in life.

A fear of being “out of place” physically or psychologically causes us to get back into the range in which we feel most comfortable. For each current self-image picture we have, there is a corresponding comfort zone. The comfort zones regulate our behavior by allowing us to move only slightly above or below our self-image. If we move beyond these limits, we experience tension, stress, and anxiety. This tension, stress, and anxiety may only be temporary, but it is enough to discourage many people from leaving their comfort zones. Sadly, what they are missing is the emergence of a new, improved self. Comfort zones and self-image make us automatically act as we see ourselves to be.

Cultural comfort zones, or cultural trances, are when a large group of people, or entire nations, believe something and do not act in accordance with the truth. This sort of cultural comfort zone was evident in a time when the population believed the world was flat. To think otherwise was blasphemy. We still have “flat world beliefs” today: “A woman can never be president”, “The world can not function without oil.” These are false assumptions we make about ourselves, about others, our families or our work.

Restrictive zones are the most dangerous and limiting type of comfort zone. Restrictive zones are based on strong personal rules and beliefs or family rules and beliefs. For example, “You will never be successful unless you go to college.” There have been many successful people who did not go to college. Others, with this limiting restrictive zone and who never made it to college, resign themselves to failure. Restrictive zones are the most fiercely held mental maps we have. They can even be life threatening, like the restrictive zones of many who had fatal reactions to the stock market crash of 1929.

To stretch beyond your comfort zones, identify what misinformation has been programmed into you. You are not holding yourself back—your self-image is holding you back! By motivating ourselves to change and grow, we are moving away from our currently dominating self-image towards a self-image of “I can.” Dissatisfaction with one’s current self-image is what motivates us. We can choose the things we are dissatisfied with and the things we need to change. Our self-image is the controlling factor in how we behave because we act as we see ourselves.

Self-Esteem

“If you put a small value on yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.”

—Unknown

The other key is how you feel about that identity: self-esteem. Whereas self-image is defined by a certainty of your identity, self-esteem is how you feel about yourself, based on your individual sense of personal worth and importance. Self-esteem is rooted in an unconditional acceptance of oneself.

Since self-esteem is a feeling, rather than an intellectual inventory of assets, changing it entails a revision of the factors of our awareness that caused this feeling of inadequacy and inferiority. A requirement for such productive self-exploration is to program yourself to maintain an awareness of your behavior, thoughts, speech, needs, actions, emotional reactions, moods, and attitudes. Only then can you make meaningful progress in expanding your awareness. During this process of self-exploration, if you’re honest with yourself and refuse to believe any self-condemnation, you will soon identify the negative beliefs and observe the behaviors that are the source of low self-esteem. This will ensure that the characters you create will be built on a foundation of high self-esteem.

When an actor reveals a character at the beginning of a movie with low self-esteem, we pull for that character to make changes so that they emerge as a winner with high self-esteem in the end. One of the reasons we, the audience, root for that character as strongly as we do, is because we identify with the low self-esteem character, live vicariously through that character, and celebrate their positive outcome in the end.

This book represents an opportunity for you to start to connect with your low self-esteem and distorted self-image so that you can transform your victim behavior into winning behavior, just like in the movies.

How We Feed Low Self-Esteem

The following are significant factors of awareness that not only cause low self-esteem, but also more importantly, ensure a crippling sense of inadequacy, anxiety and frustration. Recognition and understanding however, make it possible to eliminate or revise these undesirable traits. We feed low self-esteem by:

* Lacking faith in our environment, our society, and ourselves.

* Lacking a sense of purpose in life and thus, clear-cut goals and objectives to guide our actions.

* Living in the problem, and allowing the problem to become the solution.

* Depending on others for our sense of self-worth.

* Failing to accept complete responsibility for our life and outcomes by not taking chances in life and not asking questions and looking for the answers.

* Habitually feeding an addictive personality through self-indulgence and lack of awareness.

* Playing the victim and failing to recognize that you deserve to be successful.

* Requiring the “permission” of others before taking action.

* Listening to our inner critic and allowing it to shut us down, indulging ourselves in self-blame, shame, guilt, and remorse.

* Not allowing ourselves to look at life with a sense of humor or getting in touch with our “funny zone.”

* Being overly critical of others. It eventually comes back to you.

* Not buying a ticket to life.

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Building Self-Esteem

Most of our society passively walks around just breathing, and living in the world of, “I can’t.” Eliminating “I can’t” and replacing it with “I can” is the action that will propel you forward to start making changes. Do this and you will handle over 50% of your low self-esteem by acknowledging that you can take action now. Low self-esteem is the weakest, most destructive foundation that any character can be built on. By taking action to create new, positive characters you are breaking the cycle of low self-esteem and are destroying your victim character.

When coaching, I encourage actors to take inventory of their personal store as a way of stocking their self-esteem. Becoming aware of your assets is a powerful method of self-exploration and a great way of building high self-esteem. As the saying goes, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it!” Now, what does your store have to offer? What do you need more inventory of? What needs to be reordered? The way to create product for your store, is to have a great attitude, a positive self-image, and high self-esteem. The person with high self-esteem is constantly nurturing his assets, the goods in his store, growing as an individual, and finding ways to give back to humanity. High self-esteem results from one’s accepting complete responsibility for one’s actions.

Self-esteem is literally a matter of life and death. It is absolutely essential for personal happiness and a rich enjoyment of life to feel good about ourselves. Here’s a simple, fun acting exercise to stimulate your creative imagination and fuel your self-esteem and confidence:

MAKE YOUR MOVIE EXERCISE

Sit in a chair, close your eyes and visualize an obstacle in your life that you need to overcome (i.e., stop smoking, overeating, etc.). See yourself there—taste it, smell it, feel it, hear it! See it like a movie and you are the hero. Play out all the options. As the hero, you’re able to come up with a solution to the problems you’re having. If you’re still stuck, go to the movie again and allow your creative imagination to move the timeline further into the future to a point where you no longer have the problem and your hero has come up with the solution. Have fun with your movie, and let your creative imagination give you the clues to overcome your obstacles and increase your self-esteem.

Have faith in yourself. Be courageous and persistent in your efforts to increase your self-esteem, and don’t overanalyze ideas—analysis causes paralysis and shuts down your creative imagination!

Now that you are allowing your creative imagination to boost your self-esteem, let’s keep the positive cycle going!

Self-Confidence

“As man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”

—Proverbs 23:7

You are what you think.

“I am success.”

Seeing yourself in a positive light (self-image) and accepting your self-worth (self-esteem) builds self-confidence. Self-confidence is confidence in one’s judgment and ability.

If you have confidence in yourself, you will have the courage to venture. Having ventured, you will succeed. Having succeeded, you will gain more confidence. Having more confidence, you will continue to succeed. What a wonderful cycle! A great attitude, the courage to venture, and a positive belief system will ultimately lead to increased self-confidence.

Let me share a story of when I was acting in a movie in Northern California and the character I was portraying was a surfer. The studio had hired a world champion wave rider to be my coach. Being a country boy from East Texas, the closest I had ever come to surfing was standing up on a sled being pulled by a mule. I got up many times successfully during rehearsal. Then, when the director called “Action!” I paddled fast and caught a wave just right, getting up with perfect balance. I was confident that I wouldn’t fall because my coach was right next to me. Suddenly I realized that my coach had not caught the wave with me and I was riding on my own. Then what do you think happened? WIPEOUT! I had no confidence in my ability to balance on the surfboard without my coach there. I negotiated with my inner critic, asking him to cut me some slack and allow me to get back on the board and ride the wave. Instead of quitting, I knew that if I just kept getting up, over and over, I would eventually succeed. I did eventually catch the perfect wave and we got the shot.

Confidence, like enthusiasm, is contagious. If you radiate confidence, others will believe in you. I love the phrase, “Every day in every way, I’m getting better and better.” If you keep getting back on your board and never quit, you will get better and better!

Now, let’s build a positive belief system that will allow you to get back on your board and ride the wave!

Evaluating Your Beliefs

be·lief (n.)

1. Mental acceptance of and conviction in the truth, actuality, or validity of something.

2. Something believed or accepted as true.

The way in which you see and feel about yourself and the confidence you have in your abilities is the result of your beliefs. Beliefs are the emotional offspring of values. They suggest what we are and what we can be. Beliefs are guiding principles that give meaning to our lives. You have heard the statement many times, “Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you are right.” Beliefs, just as values, empower or limit. Because your beliefs create your life, it is in your best interest to explore and evaluate them carefully.

You are who you believe you are. You can recreate yourself and change your life by changing your beliefs. When we believe something, we send a congruent message to our brain, our brain accepts the message at face value, and the outcome is the result it produces. Success is not a secret; it is a system—a positive belief system.

For decades, many people struggled to climb Mt. Everest. During this time, an unbroken chain of tragedies and failures created the belief that Everest was unconquerable. On May 29, 1953, Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay shattered that belief and became the first men to stand atop Everest. Since their remarkable feat, many climbers have successfully reached that challenging summit. The belief in the unconquerable Everest is no longer spoken. Rather, the question of success now turns to the preparation and talent of each climber on each expedition.

Former Major League Baseball pitcher Jim Abbott provides another exciting example of how powerful belief can be in allowing us to perform beyond our “normal” physical limits. Although he had only one hand, he believed he could pitch. Before ever taking the mound in the majors, Abbott taught himself to play with his disability. He would tuck his glove under the stub of his missing hand, and in one motion release the ball and slip his pitching hand back into his glove. Despite his outstanding NCAA pitching record, many professional scouts believed it was impossible for a one-handed pitcher to play successfully in minor league baseball, let alone the majors. Abbott didn’t share their belief. Within a few years of signing his first professional contract, he had established himself as a winner in Major League Baseball.

Your emotional habitat will either nourish or negate your attitude and belief system. Beliefs come from environment, events, experiences and knowledge. Like anything else, beliefs tend to change as we mature and gain experience.

Here is an exercise to help you evaluate your beliefs, positive and negative, so that you can decide which ones are holding you back, and which ones will move you forward.



BELIEF EVALUATION EXERCISE

Begin by making a list of beliefs that have enhanced your life and added to your success. Now, write down additional beliefs that have limited your development.

Here are some beliefs that enhance success:

* I love challenges and expect good results.

* New beginnings create new opportunities.

* The past does not equal the future.

* I can only succeed if I start.

* Every setback is a learning experience and step toward another positive outcome.

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Just as positive beliefs can empower us to accomplish great things, limiting beliefs can produce disappointment and despair in our lives. They deny our basic goodness and value. They limit our potential for achievement, prosperity, health, and happiness. They refute our right to become the person we need to be, living the life we desire.

We must challenge the intelligence of our conscious minds to determine whether or not our limiting beliefs make sense. Limiting beliefs are often more difficult to recognize than positive beliefs. That’s because many of them are accepted as unchangeable truths written in stone. Outcomes may seem to validate negative beliefs, but it is beliefs that create outcomes, not outcomes that create beliefs. What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Beliefs did!

Here are some beliefs that limit success:

* When people reject my ideas, they reject me.

* I’m no good at public speaking.

* I failed last time, so I’ll probably fail again.

Garbage In = Garbage Out

Our subconscious mind, fed by everything I’ve just described: self-image, self-talk, self-confidence, and what we believe to be true about ourselves, makes sure we get everything we deserve.

Write down your answers to the following questions in your journal:

1. What do you think you deserve in terms of success, relationships, love, etc.?

2. How do you think you deserve to be treated?

3. What kind of soul mate do you think you deserve?

4. Who do you listen to?

5. Who do you believe?

6. Who do you let program your belief system?

7. Whose prophecies are you acting out?

Observe what you have written in your journal. Highlight the beliefs that are holding you back from your goals. Make the commitment to change them. Now, circle the positive beliefs that are moving you towards your goals. See, hear, and feel yourself reaching those goals! I have my actors see themselves as the play ends, taking their bows and hearing the applause of the audience. They are a hit. By duplicating this exercise, you have just created the belief that you will succeed! Remember to stay possessed—the underlying state that is driving you through these processes!

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Changing Your Beliefs

Your beliefs will not change unless you do something to change them. Learning what is productive and what will propel you towards your goals must be a higher priority for you than simply holding onto a belief for a sense of security. If you need to change an erroneous or damaging belief, you will change it. The time may vary, and there may need to be an emotional release, but with persistence, change is inevitable.

Any time you change, you must change some habits. We all have habits. Habits are automatic behaviors. Habits are free flowing, and you don’t have to think about them. If we aren’t careful, passivity or aggressiveness—rather than the golden mean of assertiveness—can become habitual in our behavior. Not all habits are bad. Examples of some good habits are brushing your teeth, exercise, and eating healthy food. These habits free up our minds to concentrate on other things. Bad habits taunt our minds and our subconscious because we struggle with knowing that we can and should do better. Habits, in and of themselves, allow us to do many things at once without having to think too much. We have the power to put this ability to use by developing positive habits. Our goal is to create good, assertive behavioral habits so that the behaviors we need to portray become easy, automatic, and enjoyable. We do this by establishing a positive belief system. And in doing this, we initiate change.

The first step in building a good belief system is to identify and eliminate your negative beliefs and attitudes. To change a limiting belief, you must become aware that it is running your life. You must uncover your blind spots. You must look at situations you don’t care to look at. You must confront yourself with that which you would rather not confront. Your coach, friends, and family members can act as your third eye, helping you to identify the negative beliefs that are holding you back. Ask them what they would change about you if they had the chance. Now, using that information, think of something that you need to change in your life. Then make a list of the reasons why you haven’t made the change already. Confronting this list will show you which reasons for not changing are valid and which are excuses. Eliminate the excuses that feed your negative beliefs. By doing so, you can make changes that will have a positive impact on your attitude and belief system. Accepting the reality that negative beliefs exist in your mind is 50% of improving your attitude and belief system.

Next, make a list of things that bring you joy in life. Joy is defined as “intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness.” Make an effort to do at least one of the things on your list once a week. You can portray joy through physical behavior by smiling, dancing, singing, jumping up and down, laughing, and throwing your arms in the air. I love Walter Huston’s dance in The Treasures of the Sierra Madre. When he realized that they had struck gold, he was ecstatic! He revealed pure joy. That is a great movie to observe and then model ecstatic and exultant happiness. By taking these steps to bring joy into your life, you will be contributing to a great attitude and a belief system based on joy and optimism.

Another step towards a great attitude is to identify positive examples using an acting exercise that I’ve created called the “Picture Exercise.”



PICTURE EXERCISE

1. Find a magazine or newspaper picture in which a person is revealing a great attitude—a picture of optimism.

2. Now duplicate that picture (costume, pose, mood, etc.) and freeze until you get a sense of the emotion. Hold on to that emotion.

3. Post the picture up somewhere and walk, talk, and move the way that person would, using your own humanitarian causes. You are now creating the psychological gesture of the person in that picture and connecting it to your own internal emotions!

If you act like the people you admire, you will begin to take on their traits. Surround yourself with positive, optimistic people with great attitudes because it creates the atmosphere you need in order to achieve your own positive results. Model the best to be the best!

Now, remember a time in your life when you busted out of a comfort zone that disproved a negative belief, such as when you moved away from home. Did you think that you weren’t going to survive in the cold cruel world? Were you scared that you weren’t going to make it? What happened? You became stronger, wiser, and more self-sufficient as a result. Busting out of your comfort zone resulted in a positive outcome!

Another way of changing self-limiting beliefs is by having an empowering, metaphorical experience that, although targeted at a specific belief, is intense enough to cause you to challenge a broad range of limiting beliefs. For example, the experience of walking on hot coals without sustaining any burns causes a person to challenge the strongly held belief that to walk on hot coals always results in burns. This “walking on fire” experience serves as a metaphor to challenge many other limiting beliefs and would immediately cause you to ask yourself, “If I can do this when I thought this was impossible, how many other things can I really do?” This powerful, metaphorical experience changes clusters of limiting beliefs just like a cue ball shatters the “rack” in a game of pool. The ability to place yourself in a possessed state that empowers you to do things that you previously thought impossible is a key learning process for you, the Actor for Real and Future Charismatic.

When acting, it always astounded me how I was able to go beyond my own capabilities and self-limiting belief systems by portraying characters that stretched my comfort zone and changed my beliefs about what was possible, on the screen and in my life. By believing in the character that I had created, I could accomplish any great physical, emotional, or psychological feat. Think of all the movies you’ve seen where actors have gone beyond their own physical capabilities to create a character. Great actors constantly challenge their belief system and bust out of their comfort zones to create full dimensional characters. In revealing the behavior of your character, you will find that you, the Actor for Real and Future Charismatic, can achieve extraordinary results in your life by supporting the belief system that anything is possible.

Holding fast to your belief that anything is possible, use imagined experience to project into your mind the accomplishment of an objective that directly challenges a limiting belief you hold. This process is called outcome management and is a strategy for developing a belief system based on the world the way you desire it to be. Choose an outcome that you are aiming for, but is currently blocked by a limiting belief. Now, imagine yourself reaching that goal. See it, hear it, taste it, smell it and feel it. Imagine with certainty the feelings that would attend such a success. Notice how your life would be different, what people would say, what you would think and what you would see. Your brain does not know the difference between the world outside your body and the world that is projected onto the screen in your mind. The mind accepts the imagined experience as true. This method is as effective as actual external performance. This process is all about change and success using strategies that facilitate your outcomes.

The first step of any process is to start. On a movie set, when the actors are ready, the director yells, “ACTION!” Just like on the stage and screen, action is life’s only command. Action is the experience we have when we are fully present and focused in the moment. It is the movement and activity stemming from the natural creative energy that flows through every living thing and is the source of our vitality. The simple action of moving forward in your life towards your goals will cause an immediate change in attitude. If you have a great attitude, you can get started. Taking action will trigger a new empowered belief that you can reach your positive outcomes, thus creating a new belief system.

Start!

That’s the key. If you don’t start, you will never achieve success. Once you do start, the whole universe works with you. This is the immutable principle of cause and effect. Nike’s phenomenal marketing campaign is based on this premise: “Just do it.”

One of the truest statements ever made is, “A successful person does what unsuccessful people are unwilling to do.” There is no magical get-rich-quick formula. You have to do it!