KNOWING THE GAME
VOLUME 1
Gary D. Abra
“UntouchableGary”
Published by Gary D. Abra at Smashwords
© 2011 Gary D. Abra
All rights reserved. No part or portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without the permission of the author or publisher.
Contact: Gary D. Abra
http://www.facebook.com/UntouchableGary
http://twitter.com/UntouchableGary
Other books by Gary D. Abra coming soon: Knowing the Game Vl 2, Cancel That B@#ch, Knowing the Game Vl 3
Special Thanks
Angela Lee ,Alex Harris, Stephanie Wise, Lamonica Gipson, Aolani Donegan, Brandi Sneed, Joneka Smith, Shenita Harper Selena Ray, Christopher Coffey, Lakeisha Coffey, Rhonda Wrigh, Bryan Hill, Garie Price,Courtney Byrd, Cadreisha Akinfe, Camille Moukwa, Gloria Bates, Charles McMillan, DeDe Moore,Hayward Abney III, J. Kyle Nicholson, Joshua Hamilton, Juanica Thomas, Keia Lumpkin, Kobee Moore, Makeba Jackson, Pebbles McClain, Quincy Williams, Deborah Bolton, Shareese Williams, Shnaka Walker Clark, Tariq Nasheed,Gary Lillie, Prince Huffman Jr, Vanessa Narcisse, Jasma Johnson, Jamal J. Gulston, Kimberly Codrington, Toni Gadsden, Nikki Cofield, Janet Laurent
And everyone else that commented on my post’s, influenced me to write this either directly or indirectly or just wanted to see me succeed. Also, a special thanks to all the women I’ve encountered in my life whether good or bad that gave me the experiences to be able to write this and all the fellas I chopped it up with and took pointers from.
Lots of males and females were hurt or helped during the making of this book…
Introduction
Ok now the title of this book is a little misleading and it is meant to be however, the actual premise of “Knowing the Game” is not about teaching people how to be players, macks, pimps, gold diggers or any other adjective used to describe someone that has the ability to manipulate a square. Instead, my main objective is to turn a Square* into Aware*. This isn’t a self-help book and I’m not teaching you how to talk or act. I like to think of myself as a dating coach; in any league a coach has the experience of being the player so he’s not telling you anything that he thinks, he is simply stating information that he knows. The coaches have been through the three-a-day practices and played in all kinds of weather. They know that the game doesn’t change so the best you can do is be better prepared and that’s what I’m here to do for anyone that chooses to read along and listen.
While you read keep in mind that this book is intended for both sexes. I did this because for one: I’m not sexists and two: men and women make the same mistakes all the time that they may or may not be privy to. So you will notice as you read along that I use the words they or he/she a lot to show the similarities in dating situations.
I will bet money that you will see yourself, someone you know, or someone that you have dated or heard about in this book. I’ve personally dated all types and had to listen to many, MANY stories about their failed relationships and dating experiences. I soaked all of that information in and put together all the similarities, while at the same time removing all the fabrications and embellishments to give everyone a dictionary on the whole dating scene. Most of you are already aware of what’s going out there but the number is far greater for the number of squares out there that have no clue what to do, where to start or where they went wrong.
I started off as a square myself, YES me! I was always shy and insecure about my looks or how to talk to women and this went on well into my early twenties. Back then there were no books like this out at least not until “The Art of Mackin” by Tariq Nasheed. I picked that up the moment it came out and applied all the principles that I wasn’t afraid to try and it was a big help! After I got rid of “SquareGary” and evolved into “UntouchableGary” I started noticing patterns with everyone that I dated. I was even so bold as to say or do things on purpose just to see if I would get the same reaction or response out of Jane Doe that I got out of Sharon Doe and of course, I did. So after many years of analyzing my successes and failures I one day decide to post a series on Facebook title “Knowing the Game” and received amazing feedback and encouragement to continue because initially I was only going to do maybe ten. As I kept posting I kept recalling different situations even pissing a few people off along the way because it was hitting too close to home for them I guess. Eventually, what started off as something for kicks and giggles turned into fifty lessons and at the urging of my friends now a book. However, the game is too big to just end with fifty lessons that’s why this is volume one and I’m well into volume three as we speak!
Nowadays everyone has a damn book out trying to get people to act and think in a certain way. These books only cater to one extreme either to males or females, where mine is going to call out both sexes and talk about the mistakes that both make. Some of these authors go wrong by assuming everyone is the same. If you are talking to adults you have to realize that they are not going to change because most are content with who they are but what an adult will do is listen and learn, in other words, they can be coached.
One of the biggest things that you must realize if you haven’t already is that nobody wins every time. It is unrealistic to think that you will be everyone’s type; if they like short people and you are tall then you don’t stand a chance. You have to also realize that it is almost NEVER personal if they don’t like you then they just don’t like you get over it and just move on. Something else to remember is that they are not your last chance on the planet for romance not with over six billion people on this crazy planet!
Okay if you’re anything like me then you are tired of reading this boring ass introduction. To be honest I probably would’ve just skipped ahead myself after the first paragraph! But anyway on with the show...ENJOY!
LESSON ONE
Being a Nuisance
Ok I want you to forget everything you’ve been taught so far because there is a thin line between being persistent and being a nuisance. Persistence by definition is continuing to exist despite interference or treatment, and a nuisance is one that is annoying, unpleasant, or obnoxious also known as a pest! Now you do have to play the game to get what you want but there are different ways to go about doing it.
Let me start off by asking why you are wasting time and energy on this one individual anyway? Do you feel like that’s the best you can do? Does he/she look so good that you are afraid to let them go? Or maybe you’re just too lazy to go out and find someone else? Okay last question and probably most important, why are you so pressed?
Now that we’ve got the uncomfortable questions out of the way let’s go over the differences between being a nuisance and just being persistent!
A good way to judge your category is by the person’s reaction to seeing or hearing from you. If they appear irritated or disappointed when you’re in the picture, then unfortunately you’ve become a nuisance. The same can also be said if they are extremely short with you or even better if they say they will call right back and then don’t! Now is any of this starting to sound familiar? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the results to be different. So by definition you are clinically insane and all the while you are making someone else’s life a living hell! For now let’s just chalk it up to you being ignorant, now that you know go ahead and make the necessary changes.
Okay so the next category is persistence. The sad news is a lot of people like to play hard to get, this is just an ego boost for them. Their goal is to make you work harder for something that they probably want more than you do. Most times they are genuinely upbeat to see or hear from you. They may even call you back granted it may take a couple or maybe even a few days. With them it’s usually just a matter of time, so if you continually get positive signs and good vibes from them then you are in the door.
Always recognize which category you fit in and know your place! If you can’t accept it then move on PLEASE!
LESSON TWO
Body Language
Okay now listen because this lesson is important and it’s all about body language. A person’s body language can tell you a lot about how a person feels, but more importantly, how they feel about you. When someone is in your presence and they want to remain in your presence their body language will dictate such. They will be upbeat and full of energy shoulders broad and almost always facing you. You will also notice that their arms or legs won’t be crossed and their hands won’t be in their pockets. This is subliminal sign that they are open to you and whatever you have planned. Their eyes will light up as you speak and you will receive a smile back from them at least 9 times out of 10. However, just like you this individual needs their space. So if you’ve spent all day with them and their posture all of a sudden changes then that means that you have worn out your welcome for that day. Most times it has nothing to do with you, they still like you and enjoy your company but the initial shock value of the day may have run its course.
Everyone needs their quiet time so they can recharge the battery while they reflect on the pluses and minuses of the day. This is probably why most marriages fail, well that and the cheating aspect but we are talking about dating right now and if you are just getting familiar with the game then that should be a long way away! Another sign that you should look out for is shortness, especially if the person is naturally long winded in a conversation. When Mr. or Mrs. Blah, blah, blah is suddenly supplying you with just a one word answer then it is time for you to exit. Most times if they like you they will try to bare it for as long as they can so that they don’t hurt your feeling by telling you to leave.
Let’s look at some less obvious nonverbal communications, for example folded arms or crossed legs are a sign of disinterest or being emotionally and/or physically closed off. Whatever you are doing or saying is either boring or making them feel uncomfortable and uneasy. Almost everyone tends to do this nonverbal action subconsciously so it’s your job to be aware of it and make the necessary adjustments. You’ve also got to learn your boundaries because human beings (especially males) don’t always vocalize their emotions. Yes it is a tough guessing game but if you have the tools in your mind to read and observe then you will at least be ahead of the curve…a little.
Another subtle action will be when the both of you are sitting or standing together they may be leaning away from you without even being aware of it! This means something is definitely wrong with the vibe, find out what it is and change it. And please always be conscious of the shoulder rule as explained later.
LESSON THREE
Be a Listener
Sometimes the best thing you can do in a dating situation is just SHUT UP and listen! A talker will systematically tell you everything that you need to know. They love nothing better than telling their story, trials, tribulations and everything else under the sun. All you really need to know is the right open ended questions to ask at the right time, then just plant the seed and sit back. To the naked eye this would seem like THEIR time but to someone who knows the game this is really YOUR time. It’s your time not because you are listening but because you are also analyzing as well. You are listening for certain key situations in his or her life that will help you better understand and accurately predict their personality type.
One example is if she doesn’t mention her dad. This may mean that she is highly independent and harder to get along with because she grew up without a true man in her life to set the example on how a woman should be treated. So she grew up watching her mom do it all on her own and in turn inherited those traits.
However, for a guy that doesn’t mention his father he may be a little more dependent for some of the same reasons but also because he is a momma’s boy and grew up being accustomed to mom taking care of everything for him.
Now these are just examples and may not be 100% accurate for every situation but it should give you a general idea of what to look out for when you are listening aka “analyzing”! During this learning phase make sure that you don’t interrupt, because if you interrupt then that means that you weren’t listening. If you aren’t listening then you aren’t learning, if you aren’t learning then you are not ready for the game. See I caught you not paying attention so I will repeat. IF YOU AREN’T LISTENING then you are NOT LEARNING, if you aren’t LEARNING then you are NOT ready for the game. If you are more focused on when she will give up the ass or how much money he might have then you won’t have the Intel you need to experience either one!
LESSON FOUR
Tricking
Don’t listen to that nonsense about it ain’t tricking if you got it because “once a trick always a trick*”! If you have to buy someone’s time or attention with material things then to them that’s all you will ever be good for! Your money should never be your LEVERAGE because what happens to you when it’s gone? How will you manage then? Do you think you are not good enough to talk to him/her without it? In the beginning your finances should be the last thing they find out about you especially if you are out on the scene! In fact, if your conversation is so awful that you are not keeping anyone’s attention then I suggest that you get out and read more (after your finish my book of course)! Find something that interests you, if you like motorcycles read up on those or skeet shooting or whatever the hell else you may be interested in just “read and apply”. In other words, it’s just like how your teacher taught you vocabulary words you “read” it and then “apply” it. In order to better understand it you had to use it in a sentence so in essence for people to better understand you, you have to apply what you know in conversation.
Now after you’ve gotten someone curiosity, also known as stimulating their mind, then you can move forward with other plans. For someone new to the scene please be careful because an initial date can be a trick out as well. It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting to impress someone that you really like (or just want to sleep with) by taking them out on the most lavish and romantic date your mind could formulate. If you find yourself doing this well then you are once again a trick and will go broke or be played for trying to keep up appearances. After all you can’t take someone out to the Cheese Cake Factory on the first date then try to take them out to Ruby Tuesdays on the next date. My suggestion is keep it simple and gradually let them earn what you work 40+ hours a week for.
Let me clarify something before I lose some of you geniuses out there; tricking is not just a monetary or materialistic thing. You can also trick off too much information, sex, and time or love as well. For some people it’s just too soon and they need to be lead in gradually. If it’s too fast you will either lose them or create a problem or monster. Remember to be mindful of your actions and how you are being perceived.
LESSON FIVE
Know Your Worth
Yes please know your worth and the first thing to know is that it has nothing to do with your body or the material things that you may own, but that it has everything to do with your mind. It’s the one thing that nobody can take away from you. It makes you a unique individual with interesting characteristics that many other people on this planet will enjoy. Throughout the course of life I have encountered many people both men and women who have actually placed a value on their bodies like they were for sale to the highest bidder. This is a sad fact of life when someone's self esteem is so low that they think the only thing they have going for them is their human temple.
For a majority of the people in the world their looks will be the first thing to go. So you should always ask yourself that if I’m no longer desirable physically then what else do I have to offer. I can guarantee that there is plenty of penis and vagina to go around for everyone and they all depreciate with time. However, the one thing that will always inflate over time is your mind. No matter how old and decrepit you become you can always learn new things and share them with those around you. That’s why we tend to admire older people because of the wisdom that they offer from all the things they’ve seen and done.
Without your mind you’re WORTHLESS!
You can get anyone with your body but the only way to keep them is with your mind…
LESSON SIX
Get a Life
You need to get out and get a life or at least act like you have one! Being too available can make you look desperate and needy which should send up warning signs to your potential partner if they truly know the game! Even if you really like this person and you feel like they are the one, you still have to give them the space to decide. They still have to choose you as well for anything to happen. I believe you choosing them and them not choosing you back labels you as a stalker. Why are you putting all your eggs in one basket anyway? Get out and give yourself options! Trust me the last thing you want to do is to be played for a fool and in which case it would be your own fault anyway. Hell go out and pick up a new hobby or travel to some place you haven’t been to before. In certain aspects of the scene less is more, so the less they see you the more they will want to see you.
If you are as square as I think you are then the previous paragraph has not sunk into your brain yet at all. In fact, you are probably still caught up in the movie/ fantasy novel where the couples want nothing better than to spend every waking moment with each other regardless of friends, work or whatever. I’m sorry but when you are on the scene it just doesn’t happen that way. Often times there are still too many games being played and too many walls being put up for it to be so easy.
So…what did you do for fun before you met this special person? And why aren’t you doing it anymore? So I guess if they stop talking to you then your world will be over correct? WRONG! You need to maintain your active lifestyle and keep whatever makes you, you at all times. Of course there is a thing called compromise that is reserved for the right person but you’ve only got one life to live and one lifetime to live it!
LESSON SEVEN
The More Things Change
“The more things change the more they stay the same” and” you can never teach an old dog new tricks are”. These two popular sayings will hold true throughout the test of time forever in the game. You see kids can change as they get older and learn new things and experience life, however, adults will be less apt to change. They will instead make adjustments in their lives since they are already set in their ways. That’s why the mistakes we make as adults can be catastrophic. So don’t expect someone to change just because they met you and the two of you are getting along great, 9 times out of 10 it just won’t happen. And if it does they will hold a secret grudge against you for not allowing them to be who they truly are, and you will probably never know about it until it’s too late.
So with all that being addressed lets touch base on compromise. Are you willing to make a small change in exchange for a small piece of mind from your partner? If the answer is yes then look at how mature you are becoming! On the flip side of that you need to be sure that your partner is willing to do the same thing. This could be yet another test in place for you to find out if you or the one you are dating is selfish or not. From my many experiences ‘selfish’ doesn’t change, go away or mature. It is stubborn, unwavering and not ready to compromise. It will nag, nitpick and pout until it gets its way (and yes men can be pouters too, sad but true). It is who they are and who they will remain until death does his part so don’t expect anything less or more. So again it’s up to you to decide if this is something you are ready to cope with for right now.
It takes a truly mature individual to recognize their own short comings and make the necessary effort to compromise for someone which they believe shows promise for the future. In some of these cases you have to beware because some selfish people are extremely talented actors and actresses so much so that they will put on a front* for an extended period of time just to get what they want in the long run. This is the ultimate act of deceit and selfishness and it usually ends on a bad note. On a brighter side it takes an even more mature and patient person to stick with an uncompromising mate until they finally come around.
So the question to ask yourself now is which one are you and is it really worth it?
LESSON EIGHT
Jealousy
Jealousy = insecurity. If you are so insecure that it breeds jealousy maybe you need to take a step back and look at what you are doing wrong. What are they doing that you can’t trust them? And what could someone else do for them that you are not or are unwilling to do? You should always be analyzing your situation and point out things that need improvement on your part. I’ve seen many instances where that jealous insecurity has turned violence and left someone severely hurt or in jail. You should always be thinking positively in knowing you are the best person for that individual. If you don’t think that you are then why are you even wasting that person’s time?
Sometimes it’s the jealousy that causes the person to step out on you because it’s that insecurity that makes you look less attractive and actually pushes them away. This behavior can be viewed as a lack of confidence. Not just confidence in yourself but also a confidence in your partner as well. It also brings a lot of tension and stress to an otherwise sane relationship. Nobody wants to constantly be questioned about where they were, who they were with or what they were doing. You shouldn’t have to break up fights when you go out just because you were being friendly or cordial towards the opposite sex. Besides, those scenes and episodes just make the both of you look bad to the public. You could easily be labeled the clueless victim dating the out of control maniac.
Some even argue the case that if their partner isn’t jealous then they don’t really care about them, the relationship or they aren’t taking it very seriously. These are the same idiots that think that type of unpredictable behavior is cute, they even associate it with love instead of calling it what it really is…CRAZY!
I’m not about to start beating you in the head and waste all your time and mine by telling you to get out of this type of relationship in the early stages while you still have a chance. Hell only about a quarter of y’all would even take heed and exit the situation anyway. The best I can and will do is shed light of the tendencies and you can just follow your own path from there.