“A CHILD
A MOTHER
SHOULD
LOVE”
Volume Two
By Donna Lee Comer
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(C) 2011 by Donna Lee Comer
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A Child A Mother Should Love Volume One
CHAPTER ONE
Dr. Van Horne met with his staff each morning in the conference room before they started their day. Each case was reviewed and discussed. The final case for the day was Annie Lawson. He filled them in on the details of what Annie had been through and they discussed the different therapy treatments they would use.
“I am recommending that we be very vocal when we are around Annie. I think she needs to hear our voices and eventually she may respond to us. I want to assign two staff members to her full time. I think that she has severe issues and it may take us some time to reach her. According to Annie's file, she was abused by her step-father. There was a confrontation and her mother shot and killed him to protect their own lives. I’m not sure if Annie witnessed the murder, but it may be the reason that she's in shock. We must deal with each issue separately, even though they are connected. What I mean is, the abuse is bad enough, but we have the added trauma of the shooting. We'll try to communicate with her the first few days and if there is no response, we'll discuss our next step.”
The ten people in the meeting spent several minutes expressing their sympathy for what Annie had been through and Dr. Van Horne continued.
“I want Christine and Jeff to work with her first. I'll meet with you after the meeting and we'll discuss further details. If there's nothing else we need to talk about, we can start our day.”
Dr. Van Horne motioned for Christine and Jeff to follow him to his office. “I want both of you to work with Annie exclusively. I saw her in the hospital while she was there, and I brought her here for full time care. I want both of you to be with her as many hours a day as you can. I copied her file for each of you. The file states that Annie was a victim of child abuse for at least a year. You'll find in the hospital records that Annie was taken to the emergency room for injuries and the doctors suspected child abuse. The step-father was accused by the mother of hurting Annie, but we can’t confirm that because Annie’s mother, Jill Hawkins, shot him in their home after he threatened to hurt Annie again. Our job is to try to reach her and then help her to deal with the trauma. I plan to follow up with family therapy. Any questions so far?”
“Does Annie have an extended family?” Christine asked.
“There are no other children.”
“Has there been any response to sounds?”
“No, she hasn’t spoken one word that I know of since this happened. I want you to talk to her constantly and use our sound tracks to see if anything triggers a response. Some children respond to music, some to voices, and some come around on their own. I want you to report any small movement you may see. I don’t want her to slip any further into this depression if we can help her. Any other questions?”
Jeff answered, “No, we'll do our best.”
Christine said, "Jeff I'll go to Annie’s room and set up the equipment for the sound tapes."
Jeff replied, "Okay, I'll go to the supply room and I'll meet you in Annie's room in a few minutes."
Christine entered Annie's room, walked to the bed, and held Annie’s hand. “Hi Annie, my name is Christine and I'll be helping to make you better. Can you tell me how old you are?”
Annie didn’t move a muscle. Christine kept talking while she set up the equipment. When Jeff came in, he introduced himself. The two of them spent the day playing the tapes and watching Annie’s face for any response. This daily routine continued for the next three days.
Jill, Annie's mother, visited the center for the first two days and spent a half hour sitting beside Annie’s bed talking to her, but was relieved when she could leave. On day three, she met with Dr. Van Horne.
“Dr. Van Horne, I wanted to ask you if you have seen any sign of improvement in Annie. I just buried my husband and I think I’m going to sell our home and relocate. I think when Annie is better she might benefit by having a new place to come home to. The old one holds a lot of bad memories. Do you think that's a good idea?”
“I can’t make that decision for you, Mrs. Hawkins. I do think that the memories may be hard for Annie. If you have the means to relocate, then you can do that. I’m concerned that your daughter hasn’t shown any signs of recovery. Are there any other factors that we should know about concerning your home life? I understand that her step-father, John, was the accused abuser.”
“Yes John hurt her many times. Now that John is gone, I can’t understand why Annie doesn’t want to talk. I miss her and I love her. Do you think that I should stay away until she comes around? I want to go back to work, and as long as she stays this way, I can’t see a reason for me coming here.”
“Mrs. Hawkins I’m sorry I can’t tell you more. These cases are all different. Some children go so deep into shock and we have to work with them for months before they respond. Our minds have a way to protect us and Annie’s subconscious desire is to not remember. You are her mother, and I really thought that she would respond to you. If you can’t come every day, we can call you if Annie changes. I hope we soon see an improvement. I have two of my best staff members working with Annie full time.”
“I appreciate that Dr. Van Horne, and I'll certainly come in if Annie needs me.”
Jill was glad to be off the hook and she was elated with Annie’s condition. Finally, she could quit playing the good mother and go back to what she wanted to do. She called a real estate company and listed her home for sale. She wanted to get as far away from memories of John and Annie as she could.
The real estate agent, William Roberts, was impressed with Mrs. Hawkins. After listing the home, he told her that he thought it would sell quickly. Jill signed the contract, and Agent Williams posted the For Sale signs in the front yard. The neighbors weren’t surprised to see that Jill was selling the home after the news of the tragedy spread throughout the community. Most of them said they thought John was a sweet, kind man, but they hadn’t gotten to know Jill as well. Nothing this terrible had happened in this community before, and they all wondered about the child and how she was doing.
When a few neighbors asked Jill about her daughter, she told them that she was in a treatment facility and she may never come home. She said that it was one of the reasons she decided to sell her home. Jill expressed to them how devastated she was that her only daughter may never come back to her, but inside she hoped that Annie would remain in the state she was in.
Within two weeks Jill had a potential buyer for her home. She told Agent Roberts that she agreed to the terms of the contract and the papers were finalized two weeks later. Jill called a moving company to come and pack everything and asked Agent Roberts to gather information on new homes one hundred miles north in the town of Bel Air. Jill wanted to be close to the fashion world again. She had intentions of continuing her career in the design industry and she was anxious to get started.
Agent Roberts called her the next day with several available homes that he wanted to show her. Jill told him that she appreciated him finding them so quickly and they made an appointment for the next day to view them.
Jill fell in love with the second one she looked at, and told Agent Roberts to put an offer on the property that afternoon. The home had six bedrooms, a tennis court, a pool in the back, and a wine cellar in the basement. It was a home fit for a queen, and Jill planned on entertaining and taking her rightful place in the fashion world. After marrying John, she’d been out of the spotlight. Now she was free to become the most powerful woman in the industry. It was time to put herself first and shed the baggage of the incident with John and to rid herself of a daughter who was nothing but a hindrance.
Agent Roberts called her later that evening and told her that the owners agreed to her price and if she would meet him the next day, they would sign papers for the home.
Everything went smoothly and at the end of the week, Jill had found a new home, and was excited to start fresh on her new life.
Jill hadn’t been to see Annie in three weeks. She called once a week and was told that Annie hadn’t changed. She let Dr. Van Horne know that she would be moving in a few days, and she would stop to see Annie sometime that weekend. Dr. Van Horne was surprised that a mother that professed to love her daughter so much didn’t make the time to come and see her. He made a notation on Annie’s chart that they would have to work with Annie on their own, and he sincerely hoped that Annie’s mother hadn’t added to the problems with Annie. He was beginning to think that neither of her parents had given Annie what she needed; love and affection. Annie's recovery may be more complicated than he first thought.
The next morning he left a message for Christine and Jeff to meet him in his office. “I was wondering if you've seen any signs that Annie may be responding to your therapy.”
“No sir, so far we haven’t found anything that she responds to. I have some ideas that I would like to try.”
“What did you have in mind, Christine?”
“I have a niece that is around the same age as Annie and she loves watching Sesame Street. I thought maybe Annie might have memories of the show, and it might trigger a happy time for her.”
“That’s a good idea. Keep me informed.”
Christine called her niece that evening and asked her if she still had her Sesame Street movies and if she could borrow a few for a while.
Christine took the tapes with her the next morning. She found some extra pillows and propped Annie up in the bed. She wanted to make her as comfortable as she could. Annie hadn’t responded to anything they had tried and she hoped that the Sesame Street characters would help her to remember a happier time. She put the first tape in the machine and let it play. She sat beside Annie’s bed in a chair and watched her face for any facial movements. The Sesame Street gang sang several songs about the alphabet, and then Kermit the frog started singing his song about being green. The first week she saw no response from Annie.
The routine continued each day and Christine would sit beside the bed and gently talk to Annie and rub her arms hoping that the touch would help her to get used to human contact. She wanted to help this beautiful young girl overcome whatever had sent her deep into a comatose state.
Day after day the routine was the same. Christine would play the music and sit beside the bed and talk to Annie. One morning she was sitting at the table in the corner of the room filling out some paperwork when she noticed a slight movement from the bed. She turned the music a little louder and waited. Christine was elated when she saw Annie’s head turn toward the music.
She waited a few seconds and saw Annie’s eyes follow her to the phone. She called Dr. Van Horne and asked him to come to the room.
“Dr. Van Horne look at her, she’s following us when we move. Can we talk to her and see if she answers us?”
“Annie, can you hear me? My name is Dr. Van Horne. Do you understand what I'm saying?”
Annie’s head slowly nodded and Christine made a whooping sound and came to the bed. “Hi, Annie I’m Christine. I’m glad to meet you. Do you like Kermit the frog?”
Again Annie nodded her head. Christine leaned down and said, “I like Kermit too.”
Dr. Van Horne sat down on the bed beside Annie and held her hand. “Annie we’re glad to see you. Would you like something to drink?” He wanted to take it very slow with her and after all she had been through he didn’t want to frighten her.
He asked Christine to go to the kitchen and get her a soda, and when she got back, he handed it to Annie. Annie reached out and took the drink with her left hand. The doctor wondered if she realized that her right arm had been fixed and made a mental note to do some exercises to strengthen her arm.
“Annie, you are in the hospital. But don’t worry; we’re here to help you get better. Can you sit up for me?”
He helped her to sit up on the side of the bed. Dr. Van Horne asked Christine to bring his bag to him and he slowly put a blood pressure cuff on Annie's arm. "Annie, don't be afraid, this is just a cuff for me to check your blood pressure. Is that okay?" Annie nodded to him and he pumped the cuff. Her blood pressure was just slightly high but Dr. Van Horne thought it was normal for Annie to be a little anxious.
"Annie, can I listen to your heart for a minute? I want to make sure you are doing better. I promise I'll take it slow." He put the scope up to her chest and was pleased to find that her heart was normal. She seemed to be doing good. He said, “I’m going to let Christine stay with you for a while. She’s a nice lady and you’ll like her. Okay?”
Annie nodded and Dr. Van Horne rose to leave. “Christine, just sit with her a while until she gets her bearings. I’ll be back later to check on her.”
Christine sat and talked to Annie. They had been trained to talk quietly and help the patient get used to them. “Would you like to watch the rest of the movie? I love this one.” Annie looked at her and glanced at the movie and nodded, so the two of them sat and watched the Sesame Street movie for another half an hour.
When it was finished, she asked Annie if she was ready to get dressed. She got her clothing out of the closet and helped Annie to the bathroom. She gave her a toothbrush and asked, “Do you remember how to brush your teeth?”
Annie looked at her but didn’t answer. Christine gently showed her how to put the toothpaste on the toothbrush and how to brush. When she was finished she helped her take off her pajamas and put on her shirt and jeans. Annie never spoke but she did what Christine asked her to do. When she was dressed they brushed her hair and washed her face. Christine noted that it was time for breakfast. “Annie, would you like to go to the cafeteria for breakfast with me?”
Annie looked up at her with a scared expression. “We don’t have to go. I’ll bring your breakfast to the room if you want.”
Annie walked back to the bed, and got in and lay down on the pillows on her side and was very still. “I’m sorry Annie, I didn’t mean to frighten you, we can stay here. Do you mind if I go get your tray?”
Annie never moved and Christine went to her and with her hand brushed her hair out of her eyes. Annie flinched when Christine touched her so she backed away.
“Okay honey, I won’t push you. You lay there and I’ll bring you back a yummy breakfast. I like Rice Krispies, do you?” Annie didn’t look at her. Christine pulled the cover up over her and said, “I will be right back.”
Christine went to the cafeteria and made a tray for Annie. She added chocolate milk, hoping the extra treat would make Annie smile. She brought the food back to the room and asked Annie if she wanted to sit at the small table with her. Annie slowly pushed the covers down and climbed out of the bed. She walked to the table and sat down in the chair, and Christine put the food in front of her and unwrapped the silverware.
Annie picked up her spoon and took a bite of the cereal. Christine put her own food on the table across from Annie, and while they ate Christine tried to pull her into a conversation. Annie didn’t make eye contact or acknowledge any question Christine asked her.
When they were finished, Christine stacked all the dishes back on the tray and asked Annie if she would like to walk to the kitchen with her. Again Annie didn’t answer but walked back to the bed and lay down and curled up on her side. Christine didn’t want to upset her and told her that she would take it to the kitchen and would be back in a few minutes.
When Christine returned to the room Annie was asleep. She pulled the covers over her and turned off the light. She wanted to work on paperwork without disturbing Annie so she went to the conference room. While she was there, Jeff stuck his head in the door and asked, “Hey girl, how’s it going with our new patient?”
Christine filled him in on what happened that morning and Jeff was pleased to hear that Annie was awake. Christine asked him to sit for a few minutes and they discussed different options with Annie’s treatment. Jeff agreed with her that in order not to frighten Annie they must go slow with her.
Christine called Dr. Van Horne and asked him how she should handle Annie.
“We have to wait for her to trust us. Don’t push her and if she doesn’t want to leave the room, that’s fine. I’m pleased with the progress you have made with her. For the next two weeks, keep her in familiar surroundings and see how it goes.”
So for the next two weeks Christine and Annie ate together and Christine chatted to her constantly. Some days she asked Annie to go outside the room, and other days she didn’t bother. She knew that Annie would let her know when it was time for the next step.
In the meantime, Jill was in full swing with her new life. Since she didn’t have Annie to worry about, she spent her time contacting her old co-workers and associates. Within no time, she had several companies interested in selling her designer clothing for her. Jill hired a contractor to change her study into a studio for her new fashion line. She also had inquired about modeling her collection for several fashion magazines. Most of them remembered her from her earlier career and looked forward to working with her again. Life was good for Jill again, and she hadn’t given Annie a thought for weeks. Unfortunately this didn’t last long, and she was peeved when Dr. Van Horne called her to give a progress report on her daughter.
“Mrs. Hawkins, I wanted you to know that Annie is responding well to my staff. I have an excellent therapist working with her and she has gotten Annie to respond to her. I was wondering if you were coming to see her any time soon. I talked with Christine, her therapist, and she was asking if you could bring Annie extra outfits. Our staff likes to take the children out for outings, and they tell me that girls like to look pretty, and it makes them feel good about themselves. We men could wear the same outfit for a month and not think a thing about it, but new clothing might give Annie something to get excited about.”
“Actually I’m so busy right now I can’t make the trip, but I will order new clothing for her and have it sent to the center. Yes, women do like a new outfit for every day of the year. Did I tell you that I have my own clothing design line? That's why I'm so busy. I'm working round the clock on a few gorgeous layouts. Annie and I used to be in all the fashion magazines. I want to get back into my work so I can forget everything that has happened.”
“No I didn’t know that you were a fashion designer. Congratulations on what you’ve accomplished and it sounds like you are dealing well with the loss of your husband and with Annie’s problems. I wanted to let you know that Annie is doing better and I’ll call you if it changes.”
“Yes, please do. I want to see my daughter, but right now I don’t have the time. Tell her to be looking for her new things in the next few days. And thank you for helping my daughter, Dr. Van Horne. I’ll call you by the end of the week to make sure that her things arrived.”
After they got off the phone Dr. Van Horne was totally disappointed that Mrs. Hawkins couldn’t take the time to come. But maybe that's why Annie was hesitant to interact with other people, he thought to himself.
Jill went that afternoon to the shop where she bought most of her own clothing, and ordered Annie new outfits. She wanted only the best for her daughter, she told them. When the girls at the center saw the beautiful clothing they would be green with envy.
Two days later Christine took the packages to Annie’s room and was truly impressed with all the new clothing. She took the time to show each one to Annie and hoped that Annie would get excited too. But she barely looked at them, and when Christine asked her to pick out one to wear, Annie walked away.
Christine hung each outfit in the closet, and saved a bright yellow outfit, hoping that it would help Annie’s mood. But when she asked Annie if she wanted to wash and get dressed, she reacted like a robot and went through the motions with absolutely no change in her emotions. Nothing seemed to spark Annie’s actions. When she was finished, she climbed in the bed and curled into a ball, and stayed there for a few hours. Christine tried everything she could imagine to get a response but finally she left Annie alone as she drifted off to sleep.
That afternoon after Annie had her lunch; Christine asked her if she would like to go to the playroom for a while. Annie didn’t answer but when Christine held out her hand, she reached back. Christine held her hand and led her down the hall to the large room filled with toys and games for the children. She asked Annie if she would like to play a game with her. The games were kept on shelves on the left side of the room. She told Annie to choose a table and she would go pick out one of the games. Christine chose Candy Land and when she went back to the table Annie had walked to the other side of the room where all the stuffed animals and dolls were kept. Annie bent down to the bottom shelf and reached for one of the rag dolls. She picked one and turned to Christine and said, “Betsy.”
It was the first word that Annie had spoken. Christine went over to her and knelt in front of her. “Did you have a doll like Betsy?”
Annie hugged the doll to her chest and repeated, “Betsy.”
Christine hugged her and said, “You can keep her Annie. Do you want to keep Betsy?”
Annie looked at her and again repeated “Betsy.”
Christine led Annie to a chair and held her hand as she told her, “Annie, Betsy can be your doll. No one will take her away. You can take her to your room if you want to.”
Annie walked towards the door and as Christine followed she went back to her room. Annie climbed on the bed and cradled the doll in her arms. When Christine got to the doorway she saw Annie rocking back and forth on the bed while she hummed. It was a breakthrough for her, but Christine knew that children clung desperately to a favorite toy to hide the reality of what their lives held for them. She wondered if Betsy had brought comfort to Annie while she endured the abuse in childhood. It was difficult to understand how a six-year old survived what must have taken place in Annie’s life.
Christine met with Dr. Van Horne the next day and told him about Annie and the doll she called Betsy. He agreed with her that Annie must have had a special doll.
“Has she said any other words?”
“No sir, that’s the only word that she has spoken since she’s been here. I’ve tried to get her to talk to me, but so far she curls on the bed and it seems like she would rather spend her time alone. Maybe she was forced to spend her life in a room and not allowed to interact with others. I hope I can help her but so far that’s the only reaction I’ve seen.”
“Maybe we can’t help her here. I was thinking about placing her in a private school that has other children with some of the same problems. It might be better for her.”
“I am sorry Dr. Van Horne. I thought I could get her to open up to me and I do agree that being with other children could help her more than I can.”
“Don’t be sorry Christine. You have helped her and I’m pleased with all you have accomplished with Annie. Some children never heal or speak to anyone again. I wish we had more time to work with her, but I am expecting a new arrival in a few days and I want you to work with her. Like Annie, she was abused, but she reacts with anger. Her name is Marcie and I need you full time with her. I'm going to call Annie’s mother and ask her if she has a problem with moving Annie. From what I’ve gathered from her so far, I don’t think she will object.”
“I will do whatever you need me to do. I just wish I could have gotten through to Annie. She seems to fear being close to another person. I feel so bad for her and I'll never understand how parents can mistreat their own children.”
“Christine I’ll never understand either. But that is why we are here, just to help them cope. Thank you for a good job and I'll meet with you again when I’ve made the arrangements for Annie.”
Christine went back to Annie’s room and they spent the evening watching Beauty and the Beast. Annie rocked on the bed and held on to the doll throughout the movie. At bed time, she held on to the doll while she got dressed for bed and clutched her tight as she drifted to sleep.
The next morning Dr. Van Horne called Jill and asked her permission to contact the private school, The Blessed Mission School for Children. “Mrs. Hawkins I am calling to discuss your daughter’s prognosis. I'm considering transferring her to a private school that specializes in helping children with emotional distress. I think that we have done all we can for her here. Would you have a problem with this recommendation?”
“I don’t understand doctor. I thought that you and your staff were equipped to help Annie. Are you saying that she’ll always be like this?”
“No, I’m not saying that she won’t improve, I am saying that she needs to have a more specialized environment. I think that if she is around other children her own age that she might benefit from it. She is at the age right now when most children start school and I want her to have the opportunity to learn. If you don’t agree I'll check out other avenues, but I highly recommend this school.”
“I don’t have objections if you think that it's the best for her. I trust your judgment and I want what is best for Annie.”
“Very well, I'll call you again as soon as I can enroll her. I wanted to ask you if you remember Annie having a doll named Betsy. She found a rag doll in the toys and she spoke the name several times.”
“Yes, she had a doll, but I got rid of it because it was filthy. I told her not to carry the stupid doll, and she dug it out of the trash more than once. I can’t recall that she was upset over the thing.”
“Sometimes children create a bond with a stuffed toy when they are afraid or upset. It gives them a sense of security that they don’t have with the people around them. Did you see an unusual bond with this doll?’
“Not really. I think it finally fell apart, but I can’t remember her being upset over it.”
“I also wanted to ask you several questions about Annie’s behavior at home. Did she seem withdrawn at all within the last year or so? She hesitates to bond with anyone here, and I thought that since your husband hurt her physically, she may have shown signs of emotional withdrawal. This is a common reaction to abuse, especially with ones that fear the adult figures at home.”
“Are you asking me if my daughter was afraid of me, Dr. Van Horne? I can assure you that I treated her like any other mother treats a child. I'm beginning to think that maybe you aren’t the best doctor for her. I told you over and over that my husband mistreated her, not me. I resent the accusation.”
“Mrs. Hawkins, I wasn’t accusing you. I was simply asking if Annie seemed withdrawn. She shows signs of regression from affection and I thought if there was a specific time that Annie changed her behavior that we could deal with what caused it. It just gives us a starting point and helps us to help her.”
“No, my daughter had an excellent relationship with me before I married John. I never mistreated her. I do feel guilty for allowing John to hurt her, and I now wish that I would have done something sooner. I am the one that has to live for the rest of my life knowing that I killed my husband. If you want to help, don’t make me the bad parent.”
“I hope I didn’t upset you Mrs. Hawkins. I will contact you as soon as I can enroll your daughter in this program. It is expensive, but I think it will help her to recover. I'll be in touch, and thank you Mrs. Hawkins.”
“Just let me know if you need money, that I can do.”
After Jill hung up the phone she spent a few seconds worrying about what Dr. Van Horne said. She hoped that Annie stuck to what she told her, and that she remembered her threat that she would definitely hurt her if she said one word against her. She was confident that Annie was afraid of her, and who really cares what the doctor thought anyway. Within minutes she had put it out of her mind and went back to concentrating on herself. Jill didn’t really want her daughter back. The private school was a perfect solution to her problem, so it was working out fine.
Dr. Van Horne was puzzled after the phone call with Jill. He was leaning towards the fact that poor Annie’s home life may be more complicated than Mrs. Hawkins led him to believe. He made a notation on her chart stating that Annie’s problems may have started long before witnessing the murder of her step-father. He believed that Annie’s recovery would take some time and compassion to heal the damage that had been done by the adults in her life.
The next morning he called The Blessed Mission for Children and was glad to hear that they did have an opening. He made the arrangements for Annie to be transferred by the end of the week.
He called Mrs. Hawkins and told her that the arrangements were finished. She took the information and assured him that she would send a check to cover the fee. “I will do anything for my daughter,” Jill told him. And his first thought was that this mother would pay any amount of money, but didn’t have the time to give what he thought that Annie really needed, which was her love.
*****
CHAPTER TWO
Annie arrived at The Blessed Mission for Children on Friday morning and was met at the door by Mrs. Pamela West. She bent down in front of Annie and reached for her hand. Her first impression was that this poor little girl was lost.
Mrs. West said, “Annie, we are so glad that you are here with us. I am Mrs. West and I'll be showing you to your room. Maybe later we can meet some of the other children here. Would you like that?”
Annie didn’t answer but looked down at the doll she clutched under her arm and said, “Betsy.”
“Is that your doll’s name, Betsy?”
Again Annie repeated the name, “Betsy.”
“I am glad to meet you Betsy. Would you like to see your new room, Betsy?”
Annie looked at her again and waited. It was as though she didn’t understand a word she was saying, so Mrs. West reached for her hand. Annie slowly gave her hand and followed Mrs. West down the hall.
They entered a small room and Mrs. West said, “Annie, this is your room. We'll put your clothes away later, and I hope you like purple. We call this the purple room. Do you like it?”
Again Annie just looked at her and said nothing. “Well, let’s get you settled and then we'll go for lunch. Okay?”
Annie walked to the small bed and climbed up and lay down on the pillow. She smoothed Betsy’s dress and put her on the pillow beside her. Mrs. West watched her curl up and close her eyes. She walked to the dresser and took a purple blanket and put it over Annie, and within minutes she was asleep. She thought, “My goodness, this child is hiding from a lot of pain, and I hope we can find peace for her.”
Mrs. West had Annie’s belongings brought in and she put all of her things away. After an hour she went to the side of the bed and gently shook Annie awake. “Hi there sleepy head. Are you hungry Annie? It is lunch time and I thought we'd go to the cafeteria. Then we'll meet some of our staff. Is that alright?”
Annie sat up and put her feet over the side and slowly stood. She remained still until Mrs. West reached for her hand, and together they walked to the cafeteria. Mrs. West got their trays and asked Annie what she liked to eat. Annie gave no response, and Mrs. West took what she thought a young girl would like. They made their way to the table, and Annie sat down and watched as Mrs. West sat the food in front of her.
Annie showed no interest in eating until Mrs. West reached over and placed her fork in her hand. Mrs. West watched as Annie took a bite of her hot dog, and then gave Betsy a bite. After she was finished, Annie wiped her mouth, and took her napkin and wiped Betsy’s mouth. She pushed her chair away from the table, and without a word to Mrs. West, Annie started walking back to her room and put Betsy under the cover and crawled in beside her. That is where Mrs. West found her a few minutes later. She didn’t bother her and checked back later and found Annie sleeping.
Later in the afternoon, she woke Annie again and asked her to sit with her for a while. She read a book to her and tried to get Annie to answer some simple questions like, “Annie can you show me where the dog is?” Annie didn’t respond. “Do you know what color the chair is?” Annie ignored her. Mrs. West finished the book and tried to draw Annie into a conversation. “Annie, do you have a favorite book that I could find for you? Did your parents read to you when you were at home?”
She was surprised when Annie answered and said, “Where is my daddy?”
Mrs. West hesitated and since she knew the details after reading her file she simply said, “Honey, do you miss your daddy?”
Again Annie repeated the question, “Where is my daddy?”
Mrs. West didn’t want to upset her so she said, “I’m not sure where your daddy is. Did you love your father Annie?”
Annie grew silent and seemed to dismiss the thought as quickly as it had come. She hugged Betsy tighter, and then rose and went to the bed and climbed under the cover. After making sure that Betsy was covered, she closed her eyes. Mrs. West watched her until she was sure she was sleeping. She got the chart and made notations of the few words that Annie had spoken. She had a feeling that it was going to take a lot of patience to break down the walls that Annie had built to protect herself from the trauma. This poor child had endured a lot of pain.
For the next several weeks the days were the same. Annie followed Mrs. West to the cafeteria each day, and when she took her to the play room, Annie didn’t respond at all to the other children. The only one she would interact with was her doll Betsy. It was as though she existed in her own world, and she wasn’t ready to allow anyone to invade her space.
The first semester of the school year was scheduled to start in two weeks. Mrs. West wanted to enroll Annie for the kindergarten class. Even though Annie was seven years old, she knew that Annie would have to be taught at a low level and she wanted to see how she responded in the class. Mrs. Gloria Rudacille was the teacher for the small kindergarten class. Mrs. West was confident in her ability and had seen several cases where she had patiently gained the trust of the child. Mrs. West met with Mrs. Rudacille and the two of them agreed that Annie’s trust wouldn't be won quickly. It would take a lot of time and effort. The class only had four students and each of them had their own emotional problems.
Two weeks later Annie attended her first school day. There were two girls and two boys in the class; Annie, Kendra, Bobby and Jack. Kendra was six, and Bobby and Jack had just turned seven. All four were from troubled backgrounds.
Kendra was taller and heavier than Annie and had a habit of biting any one that she got close to. Kendra had been abused and abandoned by her parents, and had arrived at the Mission six months ago. Kendra had hidden under her bed for the first three weeks when she first arrived. Several members of the staff took turns lying under the bed with her until she felt comfortable enough to finally come out. Kendra had never been to school either.
Bobby had been given away by his mother at birth. He was put into a state institution and had been bullied by several boys there. He had been at the Mission for eight months. He had a problem with stuttering and was mildly retarded. The doctors believed that the other boys had beaten him and tried to choke him. The choking had cut off the oxygen to his brain long enough to cause the problems.
Jack was loud and abrasive. He also came from an institution. Nothing was noted in his chart about his earlier years, and the institution had no information about his parents. Jack was discovered one morning on the steps, and so far no one had claimed him. His behavior was so abrasive that he was sent to the Mission for special counseling.
Mrs. Rudacille had quite a group for her kindergarten class, and as she looked at her students, she thought that her patience would be tested by the mixture of personalities. But she loved children and had a special way with them.
The children were asked to sit at the four desks in the middle of the room. She never assigned the desks but let the children pick their own seats. Bobby headed for the one in the back and Jack quickly got the one closest to the teacher’s desk. Kendra ran to the desk behind Jack, and Annie stood at the door. Mrs. Rudacille walked over to her and asked, “Annie, would you like to sit down at the other desk?”
Annie backed away and hugged her doll. Mrs. Rudacille said, “It’s okay Annie, whenever you want to sit down you can have the last desk. Don’t worry sweetheart, we'll wait for you.”
Mrs. Rudacille walked to the front of the room and picked up the books and pencils from her desk and gave them to the three children. She glanced to the door where Annie stood and smiled at her. As the day started, the children finally settled down and they listened as Mrs. Rudacille read a story from her favorite book. About half way through it, she looked back at Annie and noticed that she was lying on the floor curled in a ball hugging her doll. She didn’t bother her and eventually she noticed that Annie had fallen asleep.
At lunch time, she woke Annie and asked her to go with them to the cafeteria. She made no move to follow, so Mrs. Rudacille reached for her hand and together they went up the hall. She had to bring Annie’s tray to her, and noticed that she fed the doll each time she took a bite. She heard Annie whispering to the doll softly throughout lunch. But she didn’t press her and knew that Annie would come around in her own time.
At the end of the day each child went back to their own room and Mrs. West made her rounds and sat with Annie until bed time. She told Annie when it was time for bed and helped her to get undressed. Poor Annie had no idea what to do until she was told, but then she followed what she was asked to do. When she got in the bed, she hugged Betsy to her and quickly went to sleep.
Each day was the same. Annie stayed at the door on the floor and the other children ignored her. Mrs. Rudacille introduced the other children to the alphabet and they seemed eager to learn as best they could. Bobby's speech improved a little and Jack and Kendra loved learning. Each child was improving because of the love they were receiving from Mrs. Rudacille.
For the first six weeks, Annie showed no desire to sit at her desk, but sat in the corner behind the door. One day Mrs. Rudacille told the class that they were going to get a special treat and watch the new Sesame Street movie. Kermit the frog was going to a new school and he was afraid. As he sang the first song, Annie moved closer to the TV. It was the first time that Mrs. Rudacille had seen Annie respond to anything. She hoped that this was a step for Annie to begin to interact with them. All four children loved the movie and Mrs. Rudacille promised them that they would watch more of Kermit, and that evening she researched teaching tools available with Kermit the frog.
Every day Kermit would teach how to write each letter of the alphabet. By the end of the first week Annie was finally in her chair. Mrs. Rudacille actually had tears in her eyes when at lunch time she saw Bobby walk over to Annie and reach for her hand. Hand in hand the two of them walked to the cafeteria.
Over the next few days, Annie even let Bobby hold her doll, and told him that her name was Betsy. Annie had only spoken that one word, Betsy, but she seemed anxious to come to class. She learned her letters quickly and could write all of them in no time at all. She even mastered her own name and smiled at Mrs. Rudacille when she showed the paper to her.
“Annie, that is wonderful. I'm so proud of you.” She wanted to hug her but she didn’t want to push Annie so she clapped her hands in joy.
By the end of the first three months, the class fell into a routine that suited all of them. Most of the questions were answered by Jack. Kendra was smiling more, and Bobby’s stuttering had greatly improved.
Mrs. Rudacille noticed that Annie understood what she was teaching quicker than the other children, but she learned in silence. She soaked up the reading and writing like a sponge. If patience ever deserved a medal, Mrs. Rudacille would have easily won. She showed a natural love for the children and she had seen each of them eagerly wait for the days lessons. The class was doing well.
The second half of the year, Mrs. Rudacille began teaching the children to read new words. Each day she would have them write a simple word. One day she began the class by asking them, “What do the letters D O G spell?” She heard a voice answer, “Dog.”
She was pleasantly surprised when Annie had said that single word. She held back her excitement and simply said, “Thank you Annie.”
After that day Annie slowly opened up to her, and soon she was talking and responding in class every day. Annie was beginning to heal. It was as though she started a new chapter and the old one was disappearing. She grew more confident, and by the end of the year, she had learned a lot. The old memories had been pushed away. At the end of the year in her evaluation, Mrs. Rudacille asked Annie about her family, but Annie had no idea about her life before she came to the mission. It was easier she supposed, considering the life that she had left behind. The poor child had blocked all the pain from her mind and in doing so had erased her mother and step-father completely.
*****
CHAPTER THREE
For the past year Jill’s life had been fantastic. She was finally free and didn’t have to hide her ambitions. She wanted to climb to the top of the fashion world, and she was well on her way.
Jill had made contacts with her old friends and associates that she’d known before. It didn’t take long for the news to travel that Jill Lawson Hawkins was back and that she was even more beautiful now than she was when she left after her marriage to John.
A few of her friends asked her about the tragedy of losing her husband the way that she had, and Jill told them that she wanted to put it all behind her and she needed to throw herself into her work with a new vengeance in order to forget. Some remembered her daughter Annie, and Jill told them that the trauma was too much for her daughter and she was now in a private school where she could get the kind of help she needed.
Jill made sure to add that it was heartbreaking to be without her, but she wanted what was best for Annie. She explained that the private institution was the best place for her. She would keep the progress reports on her desk, and when it suited, she would show everyone the good reports that were sent by The Blessed Mission every month.
Jill’s new designs had been hailed by the industry as being the newest and hottest items to hit the market. Within a few months Jill was approached by a company, The Chic Boutique, one of the most popular women’s distributors. The company wanted Jill’s new line of clothing to be sold in their shops all over the west coast. It was a major accomplishment for Jill, and gave her the notoriety that she had waited all her life to achieve. Jill knew it meant a lot of long hours but she thrived on hard work. She spent a lot of time on each design to make sure that it was the perfect dress for any woman, and it paid off. Her fame and her finances grew with each new piece. Life was going just the way she wanted it.
The notification for the graduation of Annie’s class came in the mail and she threw it on top of her desk, and forgot about it. One day one of the major executives for The Chic Boutique, Alex Brogan, came to her office for a meeting and saw the letter on her desk. He commented on how wonderful it was that her daughter was doing well.
“I bet you are looking forward to watching your daughter graduate. When my oldest daughter Kelly graduated, I cried when I saw her walk on the stage. My wife and I both were so proud of her. Why don’t you take one of our camera men with you and we can run a Photo Shoot of the Day in our next news letter featuring you and your daughter. The public loves to read about these events, and it gives us a chance to give you more publicity. Yes, I think it's a splendid idea. I'll make the arrangements for our crew to call you and set it up. Is that okay?”
Jill didn’t have intentions of going to the graduation, but she loved the free publicity idea and she said, “Oh, I'd love to do a shoot again! I'll wait to hear from the crew and I'll give them the details. Let’s see, I need to double check the date,” as she reached for the paper, “yes, it's two weeks from Friday. Will that give them enough time?”
“Yes I think that will work. I'll write myself a note to call them as soon as I get back to the office. I can’t wait to tell my associates about this. They will be ecstatic. We've been waiting for a chance to feature you, and this is perfect.”
“Okay then, I'll put it at the top of my list. I have several pieces I’ve been working on for children, and I'll put the finishing touches on one and have it ready for my daughter to wear. I can’t wait to see her. I’ve been so busy I haven’t gone to the school for a while. Yes, this sounds like a wonderful idea. And thank you for thinking of it.”
“You're welcome Mrs. Hawkins. I'll contact you in the next few days for the details.”
When the meeting ended Alex headed back to his office, and Jill was livid. “Why do people always want me to include my kid in my life? Now I’ve got to go to a school for morons and make out as though I care about her. This isn't the way I wanted this to turn out.”
Jill fretted over the messy situation for the rest of the day. She knew from the evaluation reports that Annie had started to talk again and she hoped that she could get alone with her and remind her to stick to the story of what happened the day that John died. Even if Annie was stupid, she should be able to handle that much. And besides, she had warned Annie that she would suffer severe consequences if she told anyone a different story than the one she told her to tell. She hoped that Annie would never forget the damage that she could do to her.
Jill contacted the school and told them what she planned and asked if they had any objections. Mrs. West agreed to discuss it with the other faculty staff and directors, and if they agreed she would let her know. The next day Mrs. West called Jill and told her that there were no objections and she would see her on Friday. She told Jill that she looked forward to meeting her.
By the next Friday, the dress for Annie was finished and the crew was ready. The morning of the graduation the teachers and the children were excited. Since most of the children at the school had physical or mental limitations, the teachers always made sure that each child was recognized. It gave the children a chance to feel proud of what they had accomplished.
Graduation was really a formality to the next step in their development. Most of them would stay at the school and learn as much as they could, and a small percentage would advance to another private school where they would be with other children their own age. Mrs. Rudacille hoped that Annie could soon move to a school where she'd be able to get a real education. She was pleased with the progress she had seen in Annie.
Jill and her crew arrived early and set up their equipment. The kids were delighted to have their pictures taken and the camera crew thought that the children were adorable. The teachers gave them free reign to photograph any thing they wanted.
But Jill on the other hand stayed away from all of the children. She didn’t like normal kids, and these groups of kids weren't normal. Whenever one would get near her she made sure they didn’t touch her, she didn’t want her dress to be stained before they could start the photo layout.
Mrs. Rudacille’s class sat in the middle of the auditorium. Jill finally found Annie and asked Mrs. Rudacille to take her to change into the new outfit that she brought. Jill was getting a little aggravated with the whole set up and she wanted to get the whole thing over so she could leave.
“Could you hurry and get her changed now?” she asked Mrs. Rudacille. “We don’t have all day.”
Mrs. Rudacille’s first thought was that Annie may look like her mother, but she wasn't self centered like her mother.
Annie and Mrs. Rudacille hurried to the room for her to change. She told Annie to go in the bathroom, and she would take her dress out of the box for her. When she held the outfit up, she was overwhelmed by the design and the feel of the fabric. In all her life she had never been this close to anything that was this exquisite. She thought to herself that Annie was lucky to have a mother that would design such an intricate dress for her daughter.
Annie waited in the bathroom for Mrs. Rudacille to hand her the dress. “Oh Annie, it's so beautiful I’m almost afraid to touch it.”
Annie found herself dreading to put the dress on. She couldn’t quite remember, but she could feel something down inside her that she didn’t understand. She didn’t know why, but she thought that if she didn’t hurry and get back, her mother wouldn't be happy with her. Annie opened the door and took the dress from Mrs. Rudacille’s hand. Slowly she slipped it over her head and stood in front of the mirror and as she looked at her reflection, it was as though the girl looking back was a stranger.
She walked out of the bathroom and Mrs. Rudacille couldn’t believe the difference in Annie. “What a beautiful young lady you are Annie. I can’t wait for the class to see you.”
When they got back to the auditorium, Jill met them at the door. She took Annie by the hand and walked to the front.