Parents! Tips to Make Decisions, Solve Problems
by Julie Prescott
Book series: Single Parent Wisdom: If only I knew then, what I know now
Smashwords Edition
Wynot Publications, Corning, Iowa
Copyright 2012 Wynot Publications
E-Books by Julie Prescott: 25
Ways to Encourage Good Behavior;
Get
in Control! Feel Emotions, Choose Behavior;
Strong
Family, Strong Child;
Listen
More, Talk Less;
Be
a Role Model, Share your Values; and
Parents!
Take Care of Yourself.
Download our FREE ebook,
Child
Care Tips: Know who is watching your child.
Soon, more books from the Single Parent Wisdom series will be available at Smashwords.com. Check back, often at my author’s page, http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/singleparentwisdom.
This book is available in print at most online retailers and bookstores.
* * *
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Table of Contents
Parents! Tips to Make Decisions, Solve Problems
Daily Decision: What’s for Supper?
High-Level Decision: Latchkey Kids
Solve Problems with these Steps
Set and Maintain Guidelines
Define your Goals; Set Priorities
***
Introduction
SO many decisions to make!
? Where to live to provide a safe home for my
family
? Where to work to provide enough money for my family
?
The right schools
? Clothes
? Transportation
? Dinner
As the parent or guardian, the daily pressures of all the decision-making can be exhausting. You are not alone. This book provides helpful suggestions, ideas, and real-life tips from men and women who have solved the problems and made the tough decisions you face now.
I was a single parent for 11 years. My three children and two step children are now adults. Still puzzled about questions I had while parenting, I sought out answers to help young parents today. From interviews with parents like me -- single parents when their children were young, but now their children are grown -- we discovered solutions that worked and reflected on what we would change if we could. From our experiences, we have learned when to listen to the experts and when to realize we actually do know best. We now know when to let the matter slide and when to seek help. We are wiser. We are your SPWisdom support group.
From the many interviews and questionnaires answered by our solo parents, key points stand out. Throughout this book, you’ll find markers for these points:
Be Consistent
Be consistent about the BIG problems. Teach the values that are important to you. Consistency provides the stability and structure your children need. Have faith in your judgment. When you are in doubt, there are books for specific problem areas, workshops to attend, and people to talk to about parenting choices. NOTE: You will naturally be inconsistent about the little stuff, depending on how much energy you have today.
Be Patient. Be Loving.
Your child needs to know that you love her now and forever. Everyday, tell and show your child that she is important in your life.
Time is Short
-- Choose your battles. Not all fights are worth
the outcome.
-- Be proactive. Take charge of your life. Take the
steps to control what happens to your family.
-- Do your best.
--
Your child will be an adult before you know it.
Be Age-Appropriate with your Child
Expecting a child to handle challenges beyond her ability may frustrate, scare, upset, confuse, or harm her. As the parent or guardian, you need to be aware of what your child can handle at her current physical, social, emotional, and intellectual level.
The comments in this ebook are not designated for a certain age. You decide when a suggestion or tip is Age-Appropriate to apply to your child. Some advice is meant for preschoolers but not for teens, and vice versa.
For a better understanding of what to expect at what age, visit the Child Development page at the Single Parent Wisdom website, URL: singleparentwisdom.com/.
Reduce the Chaos
Don’t accept chaos as a natural part of your life. Change something. Aim for a calm household. Have structure in your days. Life gets better when you remove the chaos.
Be a Role Model
Your child watches everything you do and say. You are your child’s first role model. Make her proud!
Live in the Present -- Plan for the Future
There will never be another NOW.
Learn from
the past. Don’t dwell on it.
Make tomorrow what you want it
to be.
That is your choice in life.
* * *
Children seldom can relate to their parents’
issues:
~ Your dysfunctional relationship with your own parents
~
Dissatisfaction with your failure to achieve goals set when young
~
Divorce or separation, lack of another parent in the home
~ Lack
of money to buy the perfect house or car
If you regret the past, then stop reliving it. Rather than wishing things were different, accept the life you have now and move forward. Your child lives for today with hopes for the future. Join her.
And one from me: Celebrate!
In the really old days, a birthday was a big celebration as people struggled to live each year. It’s easy to take what we have for granted. Your small child does not.
Celebrate! Each morning a young child wakes
filled with excitement for a new day. Enjoy her enthusiasm. Here are
just a few possibilities to celebrate
* First day of the month
*
First day of school this year
* Last day of school for the school
year
* Child’s first paying job
* Your new job
*
Child’s first attempt at fixing supper
* Your best attempt
at fixing supper
* Child’s first two-wheeled bicycle
*
Teen’s first car
* You or your child learning a new
skill
What other events can your child and you celebrate?
Introducing Chris
Chris is the name used to represent your child. A boy or a girl, he/she is sometimes a 2-year-old, other times 17, and everything in-between. He/she might attend preschool, elementary school, middle or high school.
Helpful tips are included for your role as Mom, Dad, Stepmom, Stepdad, guardian, grandparent, aunt, uncle, neighbor, concerned friend, teacher, counselor, or future parent. Anyone involved in the life of a child will find constructive information from this book.
Our Chris is not a baby. This book concentrates on the ages of two and beyond. Babies require love, patience, and attentive care whether you are single or married. A listing of books and websites on baby care can be found in the resource section of the Single Parent Wisdom website, URL: singleparentwisdom.com/.
In this book...
As a parent, your time is limited so I’ve done the research for you. Inside you’ll find tips from a large number of books, studies, newsletters, and magazines. Workshops, classes and seminars were attended. Interviews were conducted and surveys taken.
Some information stated is just plain common sense. Validation -- having others agree that you are doing the right thing may be all the support you need. And there will be ideas new to you.
Conflicting advice is included. Since every family situation is unique, what works for one family may not work for another. Try different ideas. There is not one parenting method that works for every family.
Resources for specific problems or needs are listed on the Single Parent Wisdom website at singleparentwisdom.com/.
* * *
One final question asked of our experienced SPWisdom support group: “If you knew then, what you know now, what would you change?”
Please learn from our mistakes and our success. This is the wisdom we share.
There is a great future for your children and for you. Gather the advice you feel you need. Use it and then enjoy each day as it comes. Your children will be young for only a short while.
* * *
“In a moment of Decision, the best thing you can do is the Right thing to do. The worst thing you can do is Nothing.” -- Theodore Roosevelt, 26th US President
Parents! Tips to Make Decisions, Solve Problems
“I can’t deal with this right now.”
How many times this week have you made this statement? When I was a single parent of three young children, my shoulders stooped from the weight of every decision I had to make. Now that my children are grown, I am wiser and eager to share with you some ways to make this task easier. First, look at some of the decisions you make every day.
Recognize Low-level versus High-level Decisions
When faced with making ALL the decisions, every issue becomes a challenge. It’s easy to get trapped spending your valuable time on the simple, low-level decisions, leaving less time and energy for the difficult, life-altering, high-level decisions. Take a breath, or several breaths, relax your shoulders, stand back, and survey the situation. Try to put your choices into perspective.
Most low-level decisions are mundane. Right from the start of the day, should I get out of bed now, listen to the news on the radio for awhile, or hit the snooze? Try to spend less than a moment on each low-level decision you make today.
* * *
“The most overwhelming part was the sole decision making that was required: whether to have him join the Scouts, get braces, play the trombone, or stay at a friend’s.” -- Patricia, mother of one boy
* * *
Low-level decisions
-- Let children decide which park to play at
today, when there is a choice.
-- Should I buy the advertised
brand of frozen vegetables or the store brand? Just add one to your
cart. Tip: If brands matter to your taste buds, keep a master
shopping list of the brands preferred. Then include the brand names
on your weekly shopping list.
-- Paper or plastic? Whatever the
bagger has his hands on. Tip: Keep cloth tote bags handy for shopping
by storing near your front door or in your car.
-- McDonald’s
or Burger King? Your children will remember where you ate last. Let
them take turns making that decision. Which has the better play room?
Will you have time for the play room?
-- What gift to buy. [I
spend more time and energy on selecting the right gift. It is my
creative release.]
* * *
High-level decisions
These are the ones impacting your life and your
child’s. They demand more thought. It helps to make a list of
pros and cons before deciding.
* Where to live
* Where to
work
* Whom to date/marry
* * *
When making big decisions:
-- find someone who has had to make the same
decision before,
-- find an expert,
-- find a support group to
discuss it, or
-- wait and the answer may become clear over time.
* * *
Little steps
For problems that can only be solved over a long period of time, you may need to accomplish mini goals or smaller steps in order to reach the main goal. Make a list of the necessary steps to complete along the way to reach the finish.
* * *
Kerry Patterson, co-author of Crucial Confrontations, suggests when you need to make assignments, decide the following: Who? Does what? By when? How will you follow up?
An additional question to consider: Do you have the authority to delegate this decision? You can appoint your responsible child to feed the dog every day. But tell your ex or the other parent what you expect him to do seldom works.
Feel your Intuition
...that 6th sense, gut instinct, inner wisdom, and feeling of danger that tells you: Don’t walk down that deserted alley at night!
On the positive side, it’s the feeling that tells you now is the best time to change jobs.
Everyone has intuition -- that immediate knowledge
that tells you if it feels wrong, it’s probably wrong.
--
If you don’t like the new friend your child [Chris] brought
home...
-- If you don’t want Chris to go to that party...
-- If the story Chris tells you about why he came home late does
not feel true, it probably isn’t.
Does Chris yell at you so the loudness makes his story sound true?
Gather as many facts as you can. After analyzing all the details, if you still feel it is not right, then you are probably correct.
There is nothing wrong with saying no when you
feel that is the best decision. For example, you agree for Chris to
accompany neighbors to a swimming pool using your best judgment,
because (if these are true)...
-- you know the neighbors, more
than just to say “Hi”
-- know Chris is a good
swimmer, and
-- know there are lifeguards at the pool.
This satisfies you to say, “Yes, you can go swimming with our neighbor, Mrs. Rodriguez.”
* * *
Second chance. “I would ask that you let parents know that if they make a bad decision in life, don’t let it get them down. It happens. Learn from that decision and keep trying to make good ones.” -- Carrie, mother of 2
Reduce the Decision Stoppers
Our thoughts and actions can actually slow down our decision-making process. Try to reduce or eliminate the decision stoppers of soft addictions, procrastination, stress, too much information, lack of self confidence, and conflict or fear of conflict.
First Decision Stopper: Soft addictions
In There Must Be More Than This, author Judith Wright defines soft addictions: “Those seemingly harmless habits like over-shopping, overeating, watching too much TV, endlessly surfing the internet, procrastinating -- that actually keep us from the life we want. They cost us money, rob us of time, numb us from our feelings, mute our consciousness, and drain our energy. And we all have them.”
* * *
Jeff Davidson, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Managing Your Time, directs us to “...identify which activities in your work (and personal life) support you and bring you the best results. Have the strength to abandon activities that don’t benefit you.”
* * *
Another soft addiction: Unhealthy friendships
In high school, my best friend Linda and I became friends with Martha. She was fun and different from us. She had her own car!
Unfortunately, Martha criticized everything. Soon, Linda and I became as negative. No memory of the final breaking point, but I do remember both Linda and I deciding we had had enough. We stopped associating with her. Our attitudes and our lives improved after that.
Stay clear of negative people, if possible. Strive for a more positive, I-can-do-it! attitude. If the people around you don’t support you, find new people to have around you. Negative energy wastes time.
* * *
As an adult, I became friends with a fellow single parent. We had fun together visiting dance clubs and just hanging out. Then her crazy side came out. On a cold, rainy night, she dragged me around town to find her boyfriend’s car. We found it in front of his other girlfriend’s home. She let the air out of the rear tires. My self esteem was low, but not that low. I found better ways to spend my free time.
Decision Stopper: Procrastination
Procrastination is a choice you make and becomes a habit, much worse than just putting a decision off until next week. It wastes your valuable time, causes stress, lowers your self esteem and sabotages your success.
If something has to get done, do it now. If a bill has to be paid, do it now, or at the very least mark it on your calendar when you plan to pay the bill. When that day arrives, do it!