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The spirit dances inside the child. It sparkles with a radiance that is truthful, pure and totally free. The child is immersed in the light within that guides him to play in a land of bliss. This is inside all of us, but somehow we’ve forgotten it... Can we get it back?

When I was a child I had visions, dreams and a sense of intuition that I counted on. My spiritual journey in this lifetime probably began in childhood though like with many adults this was discounted as I “matured.” Still, somehow, I yearned for what I once knew and with that started the process of learning about my inner guide when I decided to work with children. I held the role of “teacher,” but truly these little ones taught me what I needed to know about myself and about life.

It is my sincere estimation that all children have a knowingness and as a young adult I began the journey to seek what it was that I also held onto as my “Truth” in childhood.

Delving into the journey of the internal and divine self exploration I became a teacher and then saw in the eyes of the children that I could make a difference. I knew that there was something in the child that was also in me and wanted to touch on this more profoundly. I wanted to know who the child was within everyone. It was then that I saw this spirit clearly as a recognition of the divine in all people and creatures. However, I had to learn to honor the highest within myself before I could fully give with the heart and this was how I began the adventure of delving into self knowledge. As I did this I found that there was an ongoing reflection of love that was deep within myself and further as this exploration continued I saw that this is the most true possibility within all people.

Through my work as a teacher I have been blessed by open hearted children who were companions of my soul. With these children an overwhelming need within me probed to go deeper and to connect on a spiritual level though this was just the beginning. It was the start that was yet to unfold to how I would probe inward to seek the spiritual connection of every person and animal that I was to meet. When this awareness happened my senses expanded and gave a new basis of learning and giving. I started to know that there was a progression that would unfold in a mystical though completely natural way. I began then to yearn for what was beyond what I had known on the physical plane, and yet, this divinity was there within my physical world as well. It was a magical dichotomy which molded my gift to be like a child whose spirit within was totally intuitive. Further, this newness propelled a spiritual life that sought the heart for connection in a way that didn’t always involve speaking or even physical sight. Along with this yearning for connection knowledge was manifested of a deep place that resonated as the soul which connects all of us as One.

As I explored this process it revealed itself as one that is transcendent and is derived intrinsically. I began to know of the potential for greatness that was and is within me as well as within everyone else. I knew too that this expanded beyond the physical realm to what is the invisible, the “Heavens,” angels, spirits, auras and the minds. Yet, today as my pilgrimage into the highest Self of all beings still continues I am finding that with an open mind and an open heart the world can be healed through the wisdom and purity of the child because of the child’s openness to spirit. On a deeper level I hold that the adult also has this ability though it is cascaded in a myriad of fears. It is my hope for adults to give way to loosen fears’ grip and allow the light of the greatness within to permeate again as this will benefit the child as well as the world because it is the adult that molds the child’s perceptions. It is the adult that transmits these fears to the child and therefore ultimately holds the child back from knowing his and her own greatness within.

The mission, therefore, that I have undertaken is to know the teacher in everyone beyond the scope of the fear that presently permeates our society and holds us back from our intuition as well as from freely being able to express love for one another. This is a first step to an acknowledgment that the world is the classroom and that the classroom abides within those with the most open hearts.

Perhaps most importantly, I have learned to enjoy the process of experiencing what I have needed to grasp beyond what has been my challenges even within the most difficult times. In this way, I grew through internal inquiry and experimentation.

My goal is to share my wisdom with suggestions that may make living in this world more fun, easy and an avenue to tune into the highest Self. It is with honor that I share my love for the hearts with the most purity within as an offering into the union of humanity’s greatness.

Chapter 1: Coming Back To The Self

On the hottest day of the summer she jumped into the pond where she shook off her wings as if to fly though instead dove inward deep into the cool, crisp sparkling water. This was her haven.

She was a child who thought of herself as a fairy capable of anything. She could manifest her greatest desires when she simply concentrated on them. She believed that anything was possible and that she could read the minds of those who came near her. She felt their feelings as an empathetic girl and any boundaries that were set for her could easily be cast aside if she deemed this necessary. She knew that she could fly in absolute freedom to travel to far away places and to meet other children as well as her guides. Life was a dream that was hers to create for she was fearless and capable of any and everything.

On that hot day on her fifth late July she swam in the clear waters kicking with abandonment and moving gracefully. She threw the water around her laughing gleefully. Nothing could stop or get in her way of creating her play. She was a magical fairy in the making.

Ten years later she dyed her naturally blonde hair black to match the wings of the raven and she wore thick dark makeup that concealed her fair skin. Her clothes were completely cast in ebony and she pierced her nose, ears and belly button herself. This she held told the world to look out for her and that nothing could get in her way. She was a fierce force who believed in her own abilities to make her life her own through the potent power within.

She marched her way through the halls of her high school with stares from those who held useless fears from the students to the teachers. She knew that the knowledge within her was the truth and that this was her guide. She wasn’t afraid to reveal what she needed at any moment as she laughed heartily when she recognized that she intimidated the so called adults with her audacity to live by her intuition as her guide.

She was a gypsy at heart who could predict people’s futures with one glance though she knew that the only truth that she had to hold onto was her own. She was truly gifted.

Her parents, however, were afraid for her. The didn’t see the beauty in the abundance of the creativity that she held onto with the freedom of pretense. They didn’t see the value of her natural trust in her own intuition. They didn’t think that she was “gifted” at all and they continued to tell her this in a myriad of ways.

“You will lose your friends.” They told her this as if to imply that if she didn’t attempt to fit into a mold that society had created, she’d be alone. “You scare people!” They warned her that people did not understand her “readings” and that they didn’t appreciate being told that she “felt” things.

At first these warnings didn’t mean much to her. She wasn’t one to give up on herself easily, and yet, a very deep part of her wanted to fit in. She didn’t want to be an “outcast.” She loved people and she wanted to be loved in return.

She began to dress like how she observed that other people did and she stopped dying her hair. She looked like any other fifteen year old girl in the high school year book, and yet, she knew that she still had abilities to “know.” She tried her best not to let on. She no longer freely told people what she picked up about them and she kept what she knew intuitively to herself. Still, she didn’t see any harm in honoring her gifts as long as she kept this private. She meditated and she kept a dream journal because she knew that this part of herself was the most true part of her.

However, her mother told her that she was “Silly girl” when she caught her meditating. She told her that she should be out with other girls her age doing “normal” things. She felt shunned and she was shamed.

Another ten years later she graduated from college and entered into the work force. It wasn’t easy because even though now she was well educated there were not many jobs for those just out of college. She set out to prove herself. She wore suits and professional hair styles. She worked hard and put in long hours. She did what she was told to do and she worked her way up the company ladder to create a reputation as a strong and honest employee. She began to make money and to buy things. She had a house and met a man who told her that he loved her. He was a few years older than she with a lifestyle that many admired. He was considered a success in life and certainly a “good catch” for any girl.

She grabbed onto what she could and she made due with a life that she had worked for though she was rarely happy. She didn’t know why she felt as discontent as she did because by anyone’s standards she had it all. She had the beautiful home, happy marriage, expensive sports car, ski trips, clothes, jewelry and much admiration, but she was never satisfied. There was something intangible that was always missing and this led to a feeling of internal sadness most of the time.

She didn’t understand her feelings and often didn’t even question them. Then, one day as if by chance she came across one of her old journals from when she was a teenager. She sat down and began to read her own words. She was taken aback by what she found in this little book written by someone whom could easily have been a stranger. It told of meditations and intuitive hits. It stated that she could manifest her dreams just by believing in them. It talked about seeing spirits around her that guided her and of a belief in an internal voice that never let her down.

Reading all of this she began to smirk as if this was ridiculous teenage ramblings, but despite her doubts she found herself coming back to this book often. There was something in these writings that she knew held a part of her that she longed for. She knew that this part of her was the aspect that held her deepest joy and she knew that she had to get it back.

From then on every morning she sat at dawn to meditate on her own greatest Self within her. She had visions and she began to hear her own voice of intuition again. She knew that this was the most accurate part of her life and that this was her divinity. She kept a record of what came from her mediations in a journal and she started to do yoga. She became in touch with that deep part of herself that she held so intensely as a teen and so joyously as that five year old fairy girl in the cool, crisp sparkling pond. She dove deeper and became One with her own spirit.

This is the story of how most of us sense our intuition with glee and abandonment as children. We take it for granted as it is simply who we are though as we “mature” and go through life it is often stamped out of us. We are taught not to take it seriously and to even fear it. We move through our lives with mixed priorities which lead to discontent because we have forgotten about the very essence of who we are.

It is the lucky person in this world who is able to come back to the spirit within and to honor that sense of intuition which is our greatest guide and gift to ourselves and to the world.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who preferred day dreams to the more “worldly” activities of those around her.

She was a pretty little girl with yellow hair as golden as a sunflower, big blue eyes, high cheek bones and a slightly turned up nose. People thought of her as a “good” little girl, but in reality this girl called Tinkerbell was spunky and full of mischief. She was the girl who not only wanted her own way but got it most of the time. Her emotions were intense whether happy, angry or sad which made her hard to handle and certainly challenging to deal with at times. Yet, she was also loving and sweet which endeared her to those whom loved her.

She also had skills. Tink could put pieces together from anything broken especially hearts. This talent often came in handy because people around Tink got themselves into messes because they hurt one another. They said things that wounded others and did things that injured hearts. Tink who could have just as easily flown in opposite directions took to these people. She wanted nothing more than to sprinkle her fairy dust on them so that they too could learn to fly and experience what it was like to be above the mundane. She wanted them to have her dreams of pixie love.

This was all good for Tinkerbell until one day when she met Peter. He was not like the usual boys that Tinkerbell had known. He appeared to be oblivious to her flirting which was extremely odd in itself. He was boyishly handsome and Tinkerbell was smitten from first glance. She dressed in her cutest green flock that showed off her girlish curves and flitted around him with her dimpled smile and golden hair in hopes that he would take notice of her.

Peter, however, had indeed noticed Tinkerbell’s skills. He had seen how gracefully she could fly and how she was able to maneuver in and out of situations. He saw that she was also competent with people who otherwise were disagreeable. He realized that Tink was quickly adept at putting broken people back together and he admired this.

“Tinkerbell,” Peter said one day, “I’d like to introduce you to someone.” Tinkerbell agreed to fly with him and together they flew past the moon and into the clouds to another world where they met a young woman named, “Wendy.”

Have you ever met someone who upon first meeting you decided that this was someone who you just couldn’t appreciate? Wendy was this person for Tink, but Peter appeared mesmerized by her. This not only baffled the fairy called Tinkerbell but annoyed and even angered her.

Wendy was very unlike Tinkerbell. She couldn’t fly to save her life and in reality was a very “grounded” kind of person. She walked with a steady pace and appeared to be completely direct in how she approached her life. Tinkerbell decided that Wendy had no sense of adventure, no spunk and no spirit to be able to fly with.

One day, Tinkerbell told Peter what she thought of Wendy. He laughed at first thinking that Tink was jealous though concluded that Tinkerbell didn’t understand. He said, “Sometimes, I wish that she could be more like you.” Tink smiled. “But,” he continued, “I wish that you could also be more like her...” Tink looked sad. “Don’t get me wrong, Tink... It’s just that sometimes she’s so grounded that she lacks something extraordinary that you possess and then you...well, you are just so flighty that I wish that you were more down to earth.”

Tinkerbell saw in that moment that Peter loved both of them for different reasons. She knew that he saw the good and not so good about them both and that he loved them equally.

She knew that all the fairy dust in the world couldn’t change Wendy and that she herself could never be completely “down to earth” either. She then realized that she liked the fact that she could fly and found that she also admired Wendy’s steadiness.

Tink grew up to be a woman called Marian who is flighty at times and grounded at others. This woman, Marian can like Tinkerbell mend hearts and can break just as easily. Like Tinkerbell, Marian is strong willed and brave though also childlike and like Wendy, Marian is steady and decisive.

I am grateful for the Tinkerbell within because she has given me a sense of wonderment. I am grateful for the Wendy in me as well because she has made me strong and steady. I am the fairy who flies freely and I am also the woman who makes her life her own through steady and strong choices.

Once upon a time a fairy called Tinkerbell came to me and introduced me to a girl named Wendy. These two became my heros and today they live together in my heart as me.

Chapter 2: Let Go and Choose Happy

When I was a child happiness came naturally and my mother nicknamed me, “Merry Annie.” Happiness was a way of life.

I remember the joy of running down stairs to see my father when he got home from work, walking to school, touching the pussy-willows, and swinging on the swing so high that it scared my mother. Small things made life adventurous, but this changed as I “matured.” These things vaporized becoming insignificant as bigger, more distinctive events needed to occur for “happy” to be elicited.

Happiness was no longer a way of being as an unconscious choice was made to be discontent as if this was stronger and more riveting. However, I find morose people less compelling. It doesn’t take much effort to live one’s life driven with fury, sadness and malcontent, but I want more than to exist. I want to feel life, to take it in and to be with life. In doing this, I know that we as adults can give ‘happy’ to children as well as to ourselves. I also know that this is important.

Once my life shifted in a huge way which scared me. First, I went into a survival mode. We need certain things in this world to get by, and this caused me sleepless nights of worry. I then went into a fighter mode which was required. It was productive because I was able to get what I needed and to make smart decisions, but, I slipped into depression. My emotions were that of failure at life, but change is life.

It took deep contemplation of the, “Everything happens for the best” resolution that I’ve adhered to in the past to elicit insight.

Fortunately, wisdom trickles down like rain when we are most dry giving us thirst quenching knowledge that is ultimately needed.

I had become absorbed in an egoistic reality of who I was as my role of “teacher.” This function of who I thought that I was consumed me and took me away from the most basic aspect of my truth. Contemplation allowed me to see how the patterns of life’s busyness had taken over as I strove to achieve aspects and to acquire others leaving “I am that” which is what I’ve learned through my spiritual teacher as the highest Self behind.

Yesterday, I spent an hour at the pool. I swam laps and floated. I felt free for the first time in a long time; unencumbered by life’s expectations. I let go.

No one said that life was going to be easy. Everyone has challenges. This is karma. Karma is what we chose to learn before we came to this realm and there’s no escaping it now. If we don’t take in our lessons, the cycle will continue until we have at last processed what is needed to learn. Karma is a not bad thing. It is what we have chosen to become greater.

While at the pool I overheard a couple of men talking. One said, “It’s about simplifying life.” This resonated for me. Life is what we make it emotionally as well as physically.

As I strive for simplification I look to the things in my life that bring me joy. Still, there are times when even this is a struggle. Can you relate? Candles of beauty, light that glows in your heart, children’s smiles and an elderly person’s wisdom are all there for you, yet, a feeling of closure looms. You are immersed in this all consuming cloud, but why and where did your ‘happy’ go?

Life can feel like a huge tidal wave that you can’t swim out from under regardless of your attempts to make “good.”

I’ve experienced being immersed in feelings that life holds duality of “good and bad” causing agitation, however, life’s challenges happen to take us further into our highest selves. It is in this place of darkness that we begin to shed our egos and to look to our hearts for the light that creates a way toward happy.

The other day I walked into my bedroom aghast by its condition because papers were scattered around, dirty clothes piled high and things needed sorting. It was a task that I didn’t want to touch because it felt more than I could handle, and this space that wasn’t made me feel suffocated. I dove in and it was cleared a half hour later and no big deal so why did I hesitate?

Have you ever felt tired on Sunday evening with Monday morning looming? Monday has not started, is hours away, yet, exhausts you. The chore of Monday or cleaning out the space isn’t what drains us. We are spent due to the energy of the task ahead. This might be people, bills, worries, projects, etc., that deplete us long before they’ve been met or even started.

Sometimes I remind myself of that little girl who shrieks, “I’m scared” when she hears lightening boom. Despite my “sophistication” there is still that child who climbs under the covers to hide from loud noises outside of herself, but truly the scariest things are inside of us because the most frightening things are caused by our own minds.

My wonderful teacher wrote about allowing yourself to feel divine contentment with your courage. She said that this helps when your mind creates stories of fear, etc., because the reality is that this fear is a story in itself.

She also said that contentment comes when we know that God is both within us and that we are within God. She illustrated this by talking about a dream that she had where she was swimming and a huge tidal wave took her body spinning it all directions. I can relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed, but my teacher said that in her dream she didn’t “struggle.” She surrendered. She made a conscious choice to be content with the knowledge that she was protected. She had faith in this resolve and ultimately was not only fine but blissful.

It takes courage to make a decision to be content during times of challenge.

Yesterday, I watched a TV show where Jane Fonda was interviewed. Jane is in her seventies and said that she is happier than she’s ever been. She said that she has developed “wisdom” with the knowledge that regardless of what comes up in life she will be fine. She smiled and said that this resolve was elicited from deep contemplation and added, “It’s not enough to have experiences in life. You have to contemplate them.”

We all have difficulties in life. This is part of life, but we don’t learn from these times unless we see them as lessons and contemplate them. To do this we have to go inward and see what comes up for us that triggers our fears. My experience has been that when I am able to go into my heart I can witness my fear without its “Scary” emotionality and I am able to work with my fears. This helps me to confront the fear and remind myself of the times in the past when I experienced obstacles though got through them. This exercise derives my inner courage to know that I am protected and with this realization I am not only content but grateful.

Fortunately, there are tools that help us stay in the present moment and protect ourselves from energies that are not our own. Thankfully, these tools are right within us, free and easily accessible.

The first tool that I’ve found to be most beneficial is the breath that we hold as our life force which in Sanskrit is called, “Prana.” Take long slow breaths in and out mindfully as you remind yourself of where you are physically and that you are safe. You can do this anywhere even at a meeting at work and no one will notice.

In private, sit in a chair with your feet on the ground and hands in your lap, take long breaths, look around the room, sense safety, close your eyes and go inward to your heart. Listen to the sound of your heart’s beat and feel it’s draw. Come to realize how large of a space that heart cavity is and imagine it growing more vast so that it holds all of you and everything that you hold dear. Stay in this place for as long as it takes for you to feel completely clear of any energy that pulls you from your own personal feeling of safety.

Imagine that there is light drawing from your feet and see it releasing into the earth. Let this ground you. See another light coming from the skies merging into your spinal column and cleansing back to the earth. Feel that your entire body shines with light infused within you and listen to your heart’s beat. You are one with this drum and it is the pulse of the Universe where there is no duality. You are safe, nurtured and your highest Self.

Hold onto that light and let it beam into the world healing everyone and everything with your love.

Know that it takes courage to have faith in your own internal ‘happy’ and ride out obstacles with a degree of optimism. It’s not easy.

Faith is often tested which is purposeful because this takes you to a deeper place to contemplate, do self inquiry and to burn. In the yoga that I practice we use the term “burn” often as something that is painful though beneficial. We also say that the spiritual teacher is “fiery.” People can become confused when we say this and misinterpret it to be something negative which it’s far from. To burn in this way is challenging and often a painful process, but it’s also amazing. The spiritual teacher puts us through fire as she burns away our impurities to remove our Karma. We burn to become lighter literally.

Faith to follow one’s own path requires a degree of surrender which isn’t easy. You can’t lay down to watch someone else do the work. No. It involves participation and trust. Remember that great philosopher, Mick Jagger? He said, “You can’t always get what you want, but you get what you need.” It takes faith to realize that whatever it is that you get is for the best.

Faith comes in many paths which doesn’t always involve churches and this elicits a very deep sense of ‘happy.’

I used to watch children as they attempted to work out conflicts. Their’s was very simple. They’d scream at one another, kick, hit and even bite until one of the two gave in. One child would then cry while the other walked off in triumph never looking back at the crier. In a way, we adults are not far removed from this scenario.

Consider most conflicts that you’ve been involved in. There is usually an aggressor and a victim or at least the parties could be perceived in this way. Usually our squabbles are a bit more sophisticated than a fight over a ball or who had the bike last, but in the end the result is not much different from the children’s as one party walks away wounded while the other never looks back. You’d think that with “maturity” we’d have learned to work out conflicts better than this, but have we learned?

In the end, is either party really the victor? Does the triumphant walk away without scars?

Isn’t it true that when we hurt another human being our happiness is then chipped at as well? How can it not be?

Life is a delicate process as is happiness. Our happiness does not depend upon the actions of another person and if it did, we’d live as if on merry-go-rounds that go up and down constantly. We can’t depend upon others to make us happy because most of the “others” don’t know happiness any more than we do. They are seeking smiles to confirm their own identities.

We have to find solace within ourselves. We have to go beyond the day to day mundane tasks of life to see the beauty that is there. We have to search out love within the hearts of those around us and sometimes we have to work at breaking down barriers. Mostly, we have to go within and find our own peace of mind. Joy, love, happiness and contentment are there for the taking, but we have to find them within ourselves and it’s not always easy to do this.

If we look to the external world for happiness, we will get lost in the search. We might even find it for a minute, but the reality is that it’s transitory and elusive. Like a butterfly that allows us to look at it’s wings as it sits on a hand for just a minute it is grace.

I am finding, however, increasingly that when I am content with who I am and what I can do with my life I am happy regardless. I have found the love within me and this has shown me the love that is there in others as well. I have found that this is true peace which is happiness.

When anger comes my way which it does because this is part of life and I tend to be a fiery person I have tools that help me including meditation and deep breathing. I also write in a journal and take long walks, work out in the gym, go for swims and dance in my living room as I blast my music so loud that my neighbors might complain. Let them because it’s energy and in this way I release the negativity that is my anger so that I can handle conflicts calmly and rationally. This release turns me back to my heart.

I take a deep breath leaving the angry rams behind to fight their fight without me. My fight is for love. My fight is for peace.

I don’t always win this race, but I try to especially when a friend is in trouble I try hard to be there if I can. Last night she cried. She sat on her bed with her head buried under a pillow and sobbed. I tried to comfort her. I rubbed her back and told her that she wasn’t alone but she couldn’t hear me. Finally, she picked up her head, looked straight into my eyes and screamed, “Leave me alone!”

I grabbed my coat and umbrella and walked into the rainy night. I squeezed my own arms against my chest and shivered. I couldn’t help my friend. I walked toward my car though stood in the rain wet and unable to move. Tears commingled with rain drops.

I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t help myself so I stood in the rain and allowed my tears to race with lost thoughts.

My friend has lost control over her own destiny with the aid of cancer and I’ve lost control of my ability to help. I am speechless. I am unable to move. My brain hurts and my legs feel like led. At last, I slip into my car and drive home to an empty condo where I take a bath and fall into my bed for restless sleep. Tomorrow I will act as if nothing is wrong, but my mind will remember those I’ve already lost; both parents and a best friend all because of this vicious fiend called cancer.

Someone told me that it is a blessing to help another to die, but few of us surrender when it is our time to die. I’m not sure why we hang on like we do to life, to love, to friendship, etc., when these are at the end of their time. Why can’t we let go when we are supposed to? There’s got to be something more than this on the other side--something more beautiful than what we cling to.

Life is a series of control issues. I think that this is true for most people. I am an observer. I watch people because I find them interesting.

There’s a couple that I know who cling to their broken marriage. It’s been a long one though perhaps too long because he cheats and she struggles to forgive. They fight, persevere and yet continue. It’s painful to watch because they’ve loved one another, and yet, it’s changed to a battle where both people attempt to control the other.

I’ve had controlling bosses who dictate the most minuet details. As a teacher I’ve had to work with my own issues of control within the classroom because the reality is that there is always something to have to let go of. I’ve worked with coworkers whose styles were different from mine. We’d clash over control issues. Over the past few years or so I finally learned that these issues are not important and that the relationship is most valuable. When I absorbed this my work relationships became easier, less stressful and much more fun.

I’ve known people who had control issues over drugs and alcohol. My own issue has been with food. I’ve had eating disorders. I felt control over my life when I didn’t eat. Strange, huh? The feeling of being hungry reminded me that I could control my sense of need for food. Once, I became very thin; so thin that people in my life asked if I was ill and some even assumed that I was using drugs (I was not). I didn’t eat because somehow the act of starving myself made me feel stronger. I’ve also gone in the opposite direction where I overate and put weight on as if a shield. Creating a balance and not taking my control issues out on food has and remains a struggle in my life.

Control is hard. Where do we draw the line and say I’m okay and that’s enough? Try driving on a busy freeway during the commute hours and you’ll see control issues at play. One person will signal to move into a different lane while another speeds up so that the signaler can’t merge and then comes the honking and the middle finger is raised. Sigh...

Some people seek ways to control others through mind games and manipulative words. How can anyone feel content when struggling to control another? Think of the classic bully. What a dichotomy the need to control is because it never really gives any kind of power.

In the end, we lose that fight for control because that last breath comes when we are ready or not so I say let’s get ready by finding a way to live with contentment. Our control issues only leave us striving for more which creates anxiety, frustration and anger. Who wants to live like that?

Let’s let go of our need to control and go with the flow. How? Meditate. Go inward and find your greatness. The power, the sense of ease and certainty that you seek is inside you.

With the intention of ‘happy’ in mind I created my own ten commandments. These may not be fitting for you as they are written primarily for me. I encourage you to write your own and to live by them.

Think before you speak. This is something that I’ve not always been good at! Truthfully, my tendency is to put my big foot into my big mouth which has caused conflicts, but these challenges have taught me to stop and pause before speaking and make sure that it’s the right time, that the person can hear it and that it’s beneficial to the person so not to hurt.

Be a “Loyal” Friend and Coworker. This comes naturally to me for the most part. When my friends are in trouble I’m there for them and will go out of my way to defend them. I have given the last of my food to friends.

Take Responsibility For Your Actions. I have a Capricorn moon (nothing more needed to say) and have been shocked by how many people disregard their own part in conflicts. Playing the blame and shame game is not helpful to anyone and it's disrespectful of yourself. There is always a lesson to be learned for Everyone involved--never just one person...

Be Polite To Other People. You never know when you’ll see the waitress at the cafe or the bus driver again and the next time that you see them they could be your boss or relative. It’s a small world after all so take care of it.

Drive With Care. Take your time when driving and be careful. Too many people get into that huge ton of metal and think that it gives them the right to race around, honking and giving people the finger. Scary! Take a deep breath and drive calmly. You’ll feel better and still get to your destination.

Take the Time For Personal Hygiene. I like to take a shower or a bath first thing in the morning to wash off the night and another one right before I go to bed to wash off the day. This gets me clean plus it’s relaxing.

Don’t Eat Animals! Love animals and don’t eat them! Nuff said!

Listen With Your Heart. We’re not always going to agree, but be respectful of differences and if your buttons are pushed, consider that this has to do with you and with your own perceptions.

Let Go of Anger, Hurt and Resentment. This doesn’t mean that I have to include those who have been cruel to me in my life (I don’t need toxicity), but holding onto injuries perceived and real only hurts me.

Take Time For Spiritual Practices. I meditate every morning and most nights before sleeping--sometimes even in the afternoons. I do Seva (selfless service) at my spiritual center a couple times a week, journal write and contemplate what comes up for me. When I do my practices I am more grounded and able to handle the challenges of my life. I also love learning about the mystical, inner journey which is light-filled, fun and beautiful!

As spiritual people we live our lives with the intention of serving humanity and with such a lofty intention you deserve to be happy! Make the space in your life for ‘happy’ and develop a plan of action that will help you to create whatever it is that you need to do to bring this about for you. You have the birthright to happiness within you so don’t get bogged down by life’s traps and trivialities. Look within you and see that you have the capability for ‘happy’ regardless and you deserve this gift!

Chapter 3: Optimism in Hard Times

Her brother took her by the hand leading her as they walked from the warmth of their bedrooms and into the freezing cold morning outside as the wind blasted at her face.

Still in their pajamas both children shivered. She made a “brrrrr” sound which he ignored and instead pointed to the snow. He laughed enthusiastically and said, “Look!” His voice was eager with the thrill of newness. His name was “Optimism” and her’s was “Hope.” They were brother and sister and believed that together they could take on the world and isn’t this like the children that we as adults teach or parent? In their amazing hearts there is nothing that is too challenging or daunting in this life that they have received. They are here with a willingness to take it all on and to show us adults how it’s done with great enthusiasm.

It is my recollection that although, my brother’s name is not “Optimism” and mine is not “Hope” this actual account of newness is one of a childhood event that happened in my life. Perhaps it is also one that you can relate to? Do you remember the days when you were a child and all that you had to face meant adventure? Do you also recall those times when a parent or teacher held you back from your challenges which left you disappointed?

It is important for us adults to help the children to retain a sense of optimism; a sense of challenge and of freedom. I love to see this within the children, and often feel that the children elicit this mindset within me despite that previously it was buried from years of non use. With the freedom that they take for granted the children show me that it is possible to have this mind set again and that is a gift.

When do we lose this sense of optimism? When do we stop looking at challenges as opportunity and start seeing them as struggles? When is it that we give up our hope and why?

I think that it is natural for human beings to embrace life head on, to take on risks and to try what is new with passion. Look at little children who are learning to walk. They don’t give up after the first fall. They laugh and get up to try it all again. However, I have also noted that we lose this somewhere on the road of life and what we previously held as delightful becomes laborious. Sometimes adversity that is tossed our way changes our attitudes toward exploration. We start to believe that we can’t continue, that we don’t have the energy and we feel that we no longer have hope much less optimism. Growing up we are influenced by our adults rightly and/or wrongly. I say this because often it is with the best of intentions that adults rob children of the great potential within called optimism.

A former coworker had incredible heart break. Her son, a young man in his early twenties was unfairly killed. This woman knew more heartache than do most, yet, moved along with her life and I admired her greatly. I appreciated that she chose to work with children in the face of her tragedy and for the most part loved how she interacted with them.

However, maybe because of her heartache her efforts to “protect” often held the children back. She was fearful and you could see this as she scowled when the children attempted any kind of risk. It was clear that she was not an admirer of challenge. Maybe at one time in her life she was one who pushed the limits, however, as a teacher she was critical of other adults who embraced the plucky child’s right to defy fear and jumped at the child to make him or her stop. She projected her own worries onto the children. I understood why she did what she did, but I also wished that she didn’t do this because I saw how it not only held the child back, but also instilled a sense of fear that wasn’t there before. This, however, is certainly not to say that we should not protect our children and do our best to keep them safe. Ultimately, finding that happy balance of protection and allowance of exploration is the key.

It is important for children to express bravery. This is how they learn to trust their own instincts and to believe that steadfast optimism makes them stronger.

It is in the face of fear that we create optimism which pulls us through hard times. In this way, we see challenge again as opportunity and even as adventure. We then can walk out into that cold and see the brightness that is the freshly fallen snow despite our shivering bodies. We see the grand!

However, the reality is that many of us are facing difficult times presently and this makes it hard to be optimistic.

Unemployment is almost at the rate that it was during the Great Depression, people are losing homes and people are going to bed hungry. To conquer trials we have to develop our lost optimism or we will sink along with the tides of these difficult times. We have to have courage. My grandmother used to say, “This too will pass.” My grandmother was a woman who went through the Great Depression with spunk! She moved from Michigan to New York City with her two children, aging mother, sick sister and young nephew to buy a brownstone and take in tenants so that she could support her family. She often got down on her hands and knees to scrub floors, but she made it! She made a living literally. Years later as an old woman she told her young granddaughter about those times and she laughed. Her optimism proved strong and this helped her to face challenges which she later recalled with great fondness!

These are hard times for sure, but we can take on my grandmother’s optimism. We can see challenges as passing and we can become steadfast in our own triumph of spirit. When we do this we regain the sense of self that we held dearly as children. We are then able to climb the mountains of hope without fear of falling. We can see to the other side and know that it is just as bright it was when we viewed it as children.

At any rate, the optimism within the child can still be honored within us adults and this will help us during these tough times. Take deep breaths and let go of fear. Do not allow fear to hinder your life. Consider instead that this just may be your calling for adventure. Be bold and courageous so that you are able to embrace the optimism of the children.

Remember that old song, “You and Me Against The World?” Does it ever feel like it’s just you against the world as if your back is to the wall and there’s no way out?

Occasionally, I feel that way and it scares me. It makes me sad and if I dwell on it, the feeling becomes oppressive.

However, I know that it’s just a feeling and that feelings move on. Feelings are as transient as everything else within this world so there’s little need to become attached to them. It’s more important to look at them, see what is coming up and why so that you can contemplate the feelings without indulging in them. They pass like everything else, but they do have meanings and power behind them like the wings of the bird in flight which hold up the wind beneath that bird. Our feelings can be potent.

How do you examine your own feelings without becoming buried in them? I meditate and when I do this I pay attention to where the energy of the feeling is within my body. I can tell if that feeling is sitting in my belly roaring at me with anxiety, swirling around in my heart begging to be released or cascading in my throat wanting only to be heard. The feeling might be manifesting itself as anger and I might want to tell someone off, but this doesn’t mean that I should. Think about the ramifications of allowing our emotions to run free. We’d be screaming at the mail carrier when he’s late or hugging the grocery store manager because he supplied us with our favorite flavor of ice cream. People might get the wrong impressions of us, right? Ought oh!

I’ve often watched children work with their feelings. Sometimes these feelings overwhelm them and unlike most adults children don’t have the ability that we do to censor their feelings. When angry they lash out and it’s often not sweet, however, what is great about children is that they relinquish the fire of the feelings immediately after exploding. They don’t carry grudges. They might pout and feel sorry for themselves for a minute, but it rarely lasts for long. They can be angry with a friend one minute and are holding hands the next. I love that about them because it’s wise not to hold onto anger, sadness, worry, etc., because those kinds of emotions can swallow you--if you allow them to. These fester in your psyche and ultimately rob you are your enthusiasm.

I learn from the children. I love watching their excitement about the world. When a child sees a bird, for instance, he will often attempt to catch it while we adults rarely notice the bird. Children are in touch with something deep within them that is part of the Universe. This is part of all of us, but somehow we’ve forgotten the greatness of enjoying what is there for us.

Truthfully, the issues that people create rarely are important because in the end it is the heart that matters; it is love.

Remember when you were a child and you had a best friend. Remember that closeness that you shared whether it was when you explored your world or told secrets to one another you felt that it was just the two of you and that you’d always be close. It may be years since you’ve seen that person, and yet, somewhere in your heart that person still thrives as the child that you loved. Love never dies so when you feel that it is just you against the world remember that friend and remember your own boldness as a child. Remember your enthusiasm for life.

You and me, babe, against the world forever.

All that greatness and all that love that you once knew and even took for granted is still there in your heart as you. Let it out occasionally and most definitely show this to the children who you love. When you do this you will impress them that love is the most important ingredient to every lesson that we have to offer. It is who we are as people and one of the greatest gifts that the children have to bestow upon us is their zest for life. Take this gift in and be with it because this will help with your life. Regardless of whatever age that you are at presently you still have the love in your heart of the child and that is an amazing thing in itself so use that heart for good!

Chapter 4: Agreements With God

I’ve had an ongoing contemplation about agreements made with God.

The agreements that I am referring to do not pertain to ambition. Perhaps God arranged for some to be doctors and others to be lawyers, but I’ve wondered more about how we react to our lives due to our habits.

I don’t pretend to know what happens before we take birth, but I do believe in reincarnation and think that there are purposes for our lives. I’ve been a meditator for almost twenty years and in that time I’ve seen myself go through many changes especially in how I respond to the life around me. Meditation and contemplation has tweaked my way of being, however, as I progress I see more that needs to be improved upon.

People come in all shapes, sizes and colors. We also come with our own tendencies. We can be outgoing or shy for instance. Some people have fiery tempers while others hold everything in to the point where they get ulcers. Some people are extremely proud while others are humble. It’s important to realize that these are qualities within the children in our lives just like they are in adults. This recognition will help us to start to see the children for who they are regardless of the glasses that we may wear as we perceive them. This allows us to let go of what we hold as important for them and permits them to be true to who they are as their own people. When we see the children for who they are we come to value their internal qualities.

When I was a young girl in school I was very shy. I would sit with a group of kids and wish that I could join in on their conversations but fear of being judged held me back. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized that this shyness was just as egotistical as is arrogance because both tendencies have to do with the perception that people’s thoughts are revolving around you. This realization was freeing for me, and yet, I still tended to hold back especially when I thought that my speaking up might cause friction. My spiritual teacher saw this in me and gave me a present one time. It was a cute little beanie baby stuffed dog and it’s name was, “Spunky.” I got it! She was telling me to go ahead and speak my truth. This was a gift and since that time I’ve rarely held back. I am “Spunky.”

My spiritual teacher gave me a gift which transformed one of my tendencies so that my life could be improved upon; so that I could be improved upon.

What if before we took birth, we had a conversation with God in which we made agreements that pertained to improvements? What if during this conversation, we made a list of things that drew us to Him in greater light? This list might have included tendencies that were apparent during past life times that needed to be worked on.

In some of my meditations I’ve had experiences; visions and perceptions that I’ve thought were from former lives and these gave way to some of the tendencies that I’ve had during this lifetime. This gave some “aha” moments why I’ve responded to this life as I have.

Just for instance, say that you were a dancer in a former life and your efforts to perform required a tenacity that otherwise you may not have had. In this lifetime you may also have tenacity even if you are not a dancer. This tendency makes you a harder than average worker and gives you an extra does of determination when times are challenging in your life.

Tendencies can help and they can hurt.

What if during your conversation with God, you decided that during your last time around you were “mistrusting” and you agreed that in this lifetime you would learn to let go more, to surrender and to trust? This is just one example of a tendency that you may have made as an agreement to work on.

Presently, I see myself working on becoming more flexible with the life around me. It’s not easy, but ultimately, I perceive that this will give me a greater sense of freedom. With the agreement to work on “flexibility” tests come up involving aspects of this tendency. This helps me to see if I’ve progressed, and to know what still needs to be worked on.

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