Angst & Wrath
The Collected Early Works of Darius McCaskey
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2010 Darius McCaskey
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*****
All These Voices...(External)
Finally, my time has come.
The tears roll down my cheek;
the sensation makes my knees feel week.
So know this my love:
the tears I've reaped
aren't what you think.
My tears are of joy,
for being released.
*****
All These Voices...
All these voices in my head,
all these tests of faith ahead.
Can you not see that I love you?
Or are you scared and frightened too?
Just take the step my love,
into oblivion with me.
Together forever,
we'll be free.
My peace was shattered by you
and now you want to walk away.
Just when I sorted everything out
you told me to stay away.
I cannot forget the look of your face
or the smell of your hair.
Oh, God, my love is turning to despair.
I tried so very hard to cry
but instead I buried it all inside.
As I write this another tear drips down...
Another tear drips down inside.
*****
And Now She's Bleeding
Suck?
Well,
yeah,
his mother does too.
Where, and when,
and how
and with who?
One time 'round the bend
proves the power of man cannot contend.
And is it all
just meaning less
lies.
"Whatever,"
says Bess.
And now she's bleeding.
Cuts and all
she worships it.
The temple of pain
draws her in;
haven of the insane
Civilization.
Down she goes;
blood dripping;
love lipping;
time slipping;
now is the time.
And now she's bleeding.
Bess in the store
feels like a whore
as she buys her
meat and her mop.
Man.
Woman.
Woman.
Man again.
Flip ship:
she's upside down again.
Once more
she goes to the store
with only a dollar-nineteen (plus tax).
Where's your blood goin', Bess?
Random abstract flow
of blood for the masochist
who wants the abuse from me.
Love it,
love it, whore!
Hey, Rollie.
Primary thirst for blood,
for the sacred ocean of
#*@!^
Trippy, ain't it?
Well, whattaya know?
My blood is hers,
but hers will never
be mine.
Throw it away
almost everyday,
but I guess it's okay.
And now she's bleeding.
Give her a hug for me Steve.
Y'know we both love her.
You = the little kid sis.
Me = the sacred human being.
You = the munchkin who worships you.
Me = the woman of my dreams.
Yeah, don't worry,
we'll take good care of her:
her and her
and me and me.
Holy holy holy holy,
And now she's bleeding.
Severed wounds,
can you tell me the name
of the poison in her system
that makes her taste so sweet?
Repeated,
yet I don't know how to say
Even the whore has a clean spot inside
Her stomach
Is so pretty, but I can't be.
And now she's bleeding.
Free the bleeding.
Bleed the free.
Wow!
A two-for-one sale!
*****
Apathy (And Other Pointless Shit)
what is the cause of it all,
and where do we find our gods?
what is the name of it all;
and where do you seek your truth?
what is the place of it all,
and why do we need our laws?
what is the feel of it all,
and why do you kill your Self?
oh really?
no, i don't think so.
lie lie lie.
it's all the same for me.
die die die.
it's not a crime, you see.
maybe you think i don't care
but maybe i care too much.
one more truth's a lie to me.
and just maybe you're wrong.
maybe i'm not trapped in the hell of
Apathy.
*****
Apology To God
In my darkest hour,
when I needed you most,
you made me stand alone,
Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
I rejected you then,
and lost a part of me,
but it didn't affect me at all,
or so I led myself to believe.
Now I've found the real you;
or at least you're real to me.
I don't view you like the others,
but, then again, that never restricted me.
So God, here's to you,
from me:
I'm sorry.
*****
Bitch
I'm glad that I met you.
I'm glad that I let you.
I'm glad that we can.
I'm glad that we're alone.
Aren't you glad you're at home?
So, you're sad that I left you,
and you're sad 'cause I meant to;
but what you don't understand
is that I'm not the one who's bad.
And aren't you glad we're alone?
I've moved on
and grown a little too.
So thank you, bitch,
and fuck you.
*****
Blow
i've gotta run.
run run run.
i've got a gun
in my face.
and i've got
no way
no way
outta this place.
blow me kisses.
blow me love.
cock the hammer.
it's time to run.
blow
these men are fucked.
they run in fear.
run from here.
they're gonna die.
gonna die
die tonight.
blow blow blow
blow
*****
Can't Be Reached
Oh, I feel it
rushing in my veins.
I feel the fire again.
I feel like hell.
I feel her death again.
10 o'clock at night;
dead with fright.
The sky is bleached,
but I
can't be reached.
Original sin,
wastes my life, my kin.
I just cannot win.
I feel like ending
this pointless life again.
*****
Chocolate Milk Song
slippery wet
you're covered
i got my gun
and i got ya covered
but you say
"not today"
not a way
to get inside
nothing has died.
*****
Confusion Is Bliss
what can i say? i'm doing okay.
what can i do? i'm kinda confused.
what can i say? i don't know, man.
confusion is bliss
i like it like this
confusion is bliss
i love the insecurity
moment to moment is my way
'cause confusion is bliss
what do ya mean? i ain't one o' your kind.
what is this feeling? i think its called love.
what time is it? and should we really care?
i am confused
but it's okay
i try to live my life
day by day
i am confused
but i'm not afraid
total chaos living
is my way
confusion is bliss
*****
Down
my blood leaks out of my veins
my blood flows through the streets again
put another nail in my coffin
i'm going down into the ground
down down down
buried in the dirt
down down down
take away the hurt
down down down
down in the earth
cover me up with a white sheet
outline my body in chalk
i didn't have time to even say "goodbye"
and now i'll never speak again
down down down
can't feel my hurt
down down down
my mind is on alert
down down down
down in the dirt
you can't hold my spirit down
this world can't beat me down
i won't be chained down
nothing can pull me down
down
down
*****
Erase All Doubt
I want to erase all doubt.
I want to yell and let it out.
I want to smash and scream and shout.
I want to erase all doubt.
I want to kill all fear.
So listen to what I tell you here.
I want to hold you near.
I want to kill all fear.
I want to make it all go away.
And come again no other day.
I want to laugh and play.
I want to make it all go away.
I want to fly so high.
Way, way up in the sky.
I want to never die.
I want to fly so high.
*****
Everything
everything I say
everything I do
everything I know
is because of you
you showed me how
you showed me the way
and my debt to you
is too great to repay
I owe it all to you
and I'll give it to you
because I want to
I fell down but you picked me up
I wonder why I've earned your love
I don't know if I'm worthy
I don't know...
*****
Fly Away
now i'll just fly away
and say goodbye to this day.
i'll fly away on a cloud
so peaceful, so quiet, not loud.
i'll fly away to my lover
and tell her to pull up the cover.
i'll fly away to my friend
whose friendship has no end.
i'll fly away from being sad
because now i'm just glad.
i'll fly away.
i'll fly away.
*****
Go Away (In A Flash)
Maybe I'll make it go away,
make it all go away in a flash.
Right now it seems so pointless,
like I'm hurtling into swirling chaos.
The broken heart, the unseen tears,
all of it for nothing.
I don't want to go on,
but I know I have to.
*****
Go
go forth, young man
seek your fame and fortune
go have fun, boy
don't trip up along the way
go tell the truth
they all want to hear you speak
go find your way
just keep your head along the way
go, for god awaits you
but god doesn't speak to mere mortal men
go, break a few heads
just make sure to wash your hands
go
find the truth
make a way
one more star
won't matter anyway
go
touch the sky
feel the world
plainly you can see
the boy must be a man... someday
*****
Good Luck
I let you work your evil on me, and it was my own naiveté that allowed you to do so, but now I'm stronger and smarter and I know that it was partly my fault, along with the fact that you're a very sick woman. I hope you get better, and I wish you luck.
I wish you luck
I wish you well.
But I think
you'll go to hell.
My hands are tired.
My arms are weak.
My heart was worn,
but now I'm strong.
Why do you think?
Why don't you tell?
I always wondered:
now I say... oh well
Hell is where the heart is, and so is home. I wish you the best of luck in your life, if you can call it that. The thing is, I want you to stay the fuck away from my friends, because some of them feel the same way I do, and because some of them think with their dicks instead of their heads. I want you to stay away from me, because, like a wise man once said said, “You're just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.” I am not that person anymore, and I don't like being reminded of past mistakes. I am not that person anymore:
I am better.
*****
Hurricane (The Eye)
i looked up
at the sky
i saw the devil's
reason why
the hurtling force
came on down
driving me
to the ground
from the sea
it's after me
i'm standing in the eye
of the hurricane
my sins are
catching me
i try but
cannot flee
it twists and screams
won't let me be
i feel it
taking me
to the eye of the hurricane
*****
I Don't Care
use me
abuse me
i don't care
disgrace me
misplace me
i don't care
i don't care what you do to me
i don't care if you set me free
i don't really care
smash me
trash me
i don't care
thrill me
kill me
i don't care
i don't care what you do to me
i don't care if you set me free
i don't really care
lose me
choose me
i don't care
replace me
deface me
i don't care
i don't care what you do to me
i don't care if you set me free
i don't really care
make me
break me
i don't care
arm me
harm me
i don't care
try for me
i don't care
lie to me
i don't care
die for me
i don't care
cry on me
i don't care
would you die for me?
i don't fucking care
*****
I Think Of You
When I'm afraid,
I think of you.
When I'm alone,
I think of you.
When I'm frustrated,
I think of you.
I think of you
and your loving embrace.
I think of you
when I leave this place.
I think of you
and your pretty face.
When I'm sad,
I think of you.
When I'm being bad,
I think of you.
When I'm glad,
I think of you.
I think of you
when we play.
I think of you
every night and day.
I think of you
and my problems go away.
No matter what I say or do
I think of you.
*****
I Wish
I wish I
could fly to the sun.
I wish I
knew everyone.
I wish I
had all the fun.
I wish I
I wish I could just run.
What I wish,
What I say,
What I do,
does it blow you away?
Yeah, don't I wish.
I wish I
was so big and strong.
I wish I
were never wrong.
I wish I
could write a good song.
I wish I
I wish I had known all along.
*****
I'm Addicted
I'm addicted to your scent,
I'm addicted to your smell,
I'm addicted to you, baby,