HOW TO HAVE FUN GETTING MARRIED!!
MARRIAGE CEREMONY GUILDELINES
FOR COUPLES AND CELEBRANTS
HOW TO PLAN A FUN WEDDING CEREMONY
BY NED HOSKIN
WED BY NED
Marriage Celebrant
Published by N.W Hoskin
SmashWords Edition
Copyright 2011 N.W Hoskin All Rights Reserved
2012 First Edition
This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
CONTENTS
Chapter 1: Introduction
Chapter 2: Checklist
Chapter 3: Choosing your Celebrant
Chapter 4: Legalities in a nut-shell
Chapter 5: 20 parts to a Ceremony
Chapter 6: A – Z of ideas for Ceremony locations
Chapter 7: A – Z of ideas for themes
Chapter 8: Ideas for Ceremony content: Introduction and Vows
Chapter 9: Ideas for Readings
Chapter 10: Language barriers and a fun way to deal with them!
Chapter 11: Religious content and issues
Chapter 12: Music in the Ceremony: My Top 60 Modern Songs and Sound tracks. And My Top 10 Classical
Chapter 13: Children in Ceremonies
Chapter 14: The Unexpected and dealing with it!
Chapter 15: Basic check-list of What your Celebrant / Officiant will need.
Chapter 15: Cheap Honeymoon ideas
Chapter 16: Summary of Fun!
Hi and welcome! Thanks for purchasing my e-book. I am sure you will find this to be a simple and effective tool to use when planning your marriage Ceremony. I have written this book because in my few (successful) years as a civil marriage celebrant I have found it increasingly to be the case that the couples I marry want to be married in style but without too much formality and a bit of fun and laughter on the way.
Using a Celebrant, or in some countries known as an Officiant, is becoming an increasingly popular method of conducting a Ceremony, as it allows flexibility in catering for multi-cultural requirements and beliefs, may be less confronting and in particular allows couples to plan a Ceremony exactly how they would like to have it. With a Celebrant a Ceremony may or may not contain any religious content at all, may include some references or rituals that are desired to account for certain beliefs of one or both of the parties, and may contain humour, laughter, and fun. And of course it means you can decide to be married in a green Gorilla costume, in the nude, on a Theme Park ride (if you dare!) and accompanied with your favorite Classical or Punk Music, or pretty much any other music, location or theme you can think of!
My motto has become “You are allowed to have fun getting married” because many couples seem to be in fear of red tape, legalities and formalities. I have heard so many times that they are afraid to ‘put our friends through it’! Many couples actually dread the thought of the Ceremony side of their marriage. Usually Couples have been to some, if not several ceremonies where they have been bored to tears and they and other guests just cant wait to get to the party side of things! This book will give you guidelines on how to have a Ceremony that your friends will love and actually enjoy. A Ceremony that will bring a few laughs, some interesting content and have people actually saying “We didn’t want the Ceremony to end!” Yes, believe it or not, I have had many ceremonies where the guests have come up to me afterward and said, “Wow, I didn’t know you could have so much fun getting married and we really didn’t want the Ceremony to come to an end!”
Marriage is a serious business but getting married shouldn’t be like a funeral!
Chapter 2: CHECKLIST
Budget: Set the amount you really have available and stick to it! Allocate an amount for each of the following:
Clothes
Cars
Ceremony venue
Celebrant cost
Reception venue
Reception costs
Hotel accommodation
Honeymoon (if there are any funds left over!). See chapter on Cheap Honeymoon ideas!
Choose how you will be married, a religious or non-religious Ceremony.
Choose where you want to be married.
Celebrants: If you are using a Celebrant meet 2 or 3 or more until you find the one you both feel comfortable with. (See next Chapter) Do this as soon as you have decided when you are getting married. Don’t feel obligated or pressured into booking one you are not sure about. (See next Chapter) However, you should decide upon the Celebrant you wish to use and discuss with them the locations you might already have in mind. Most Celebrants with some experience will have some “ secret” places they will suggest, which may in fact be better or cheaper or both, than the standard venues you may have thought of.
Make sure you have your Birth Certificates and Passports or photo ID handy for your celebrant. If you don’t have them handy, it is easy to order them for about a 7 day turn-around by going on-line to your local Capital city Department of Births Deaths and Marriages.
Write your first list of Guests so that you can realistically set your Reception budget.
Choose your Reception venue and Book it!
Chapter 3: CHOOSING YOUR CELEBRANT
Meet them first: If you are choosing to have a Celebrant or other Officiant perform your Ceremony meet 2 or 3 or more until you find the one you both feel comfortable with. Do this as soon as you have decided upon your date and don’t leave it until a couple of months before because chances are you will have to choose one based on availability rather than a match for your personalities.
Prices: Don’t choose your Celebrant on price alone. It’s your special day and you want to feel happy with the person performing the Celebrant duties. Like everything in life, a good celebrant is in demand and may command a higher fee than others. There is no set fee for Celebrants and hence prices in Australia vary widely but expect $500 minimum and $750 medium. At the top of the range some ex TV celebrities and actors are now becoming Celebrants and command even $2,000. If that’s what and who you really want and can afford, then why not? But beware: be sure that you are getting personal service and not a go-between! Remember, a good celebrant should command a higher fee. Not only will this mean you get a high class performance on the day, but you should get plenty of time with your celebrant, as much as required, to plan, discuss, write, refine and practice your ceremony, all before the day.
Style: Try to imagine how you would really like your wedding Ceremony to go. How would you like your guests to see it, to remember it? And this is where the ideas of whether you want a formal wedding or a more relaxed, lighthearted wedding Ceremony come in. Or a combination of both. Deciding the style of Wedding Ceremony will determine the Celebrant you use. If you want a more conservative celebrant then there are plenty about! But if you want something with a bit of zing and fun, then these are fewer in number. Lets face it, celebrants are ordinary people with their own personality, and it will be false to think that your conservative Celebrant will be able to turn on the light hearted presentation that you want. In fact, you should ask them, about their preferred style and if possible go to see them perform another Ceremony, before booking them. And at the very least, you should be sure they have good and legitimate references from other couples.
References: There is no harm in asking for references. Ask for some names and numbers of previous clients. And at the very least, you should speak to people who have attended a Ceremony performed by the Celebrant you have selected or are considering. It is worth saying here, that , these days, there are a heap of new Celebrants on the market, and many people feel obligated to use that Aunty or Uncle or work colleague who has just qualified as a Celebrant. My advice is; simply, don’t use them only based on your relationship with them, unless there is a specific reason. Be 100% sure that their style and experience is what you want.
Photo’s: Does the Celebrant have a web site or web presence? If so, they should have photos of some of their Ceremonies on line. These will give you some idea of the style of presentation. I recently took a booking from a couple for a wedding based initially upon a photograph on my web site, of a Ceremony I had performed. The photo was taken from the back of where the guests were sitting and the parents and family in the front row are clearly seen laughing out loud during the Ceremony, as were the bride, groom and attendants. Half of the front row is looking around at the rest of the guests and everyone in the photograph is clearly having real fun! It tells a thousand words. Look for it with your Celebrant.
Get a Celebrant who Knows who YOU Are! Make sure that your Celebrant will not be taking a booking too close to yours. This should mean having no other bookings for at least 3-4 hours after your Ceremony. Why? Because, as much as you may have booked for the best weather time of the year, there is always the chance that the Ceremony will have to be delayed, transferred, re-set-up somewhere else due to any one of a number of reasons.
Last year here in Victoria in Australia, was a classic example and there were several weekends in a row at the beginning of summer when it rained so much that for several weeks in a row, the wedding times and locations had to be changed at the last minute for several of my Ceremonies. Any Celebrant with 2 or 3 weddings booked in a day, usually afternoons or evenings will be totally unable to move their times around.
It is worth paying extra for a Celebrant who guarantees you that they will not have to rush off to another wedding immediately that yours are over. And even get them to tell you what their policy is in the event of postponement.
Delays: My attitude has always been to assure a bride that she is allowed to be late! It is almost expected! So I am amazed to hear that some Celebrants are bringing in a 15-minute rule! If the bride is later than 15 minutes some Celebrants will charge them an extra $100! In fact, I have heard of grumpy, huffy Celebrants becoming rude and agitated when the bride is late. No wonder, if they have to rush off to another wedding!
Don’t let yourself be dictated to. Ask up front. And if they have to hurry off, consider using another Celebrant. Besides, the Celebrant rushing to 2, 3 and 4 a day are going to have little time for you on your most important day. And the shock and horror stories I have heard about Celebrants confusing and forgetting names, worse still, calling the bride or groom by the wrong name! Pay a little extra. Get a bit of personal service.
Discuss the sound System your Celebrant will use: Ensure they have a good one.
Sound system 1: The Ceremony: It is a requirement of the Marriage Celebrants Code of practice that every Ceremony must be able to be heard clearly. Ask about your celebrant’s sound system and check how many people it will service clearly. There is nothing more frustrating than a crowd of people not being able to hear what’s going on up front properly. Make sure they have a microphone that goes with it. For any more than 30 or 40 people, you will probably need a microphone if you are outdoors, if not for the Celebrant, for the Couple, during the exchanging of vows and the ring Exchange. A good Celebrant will have a voice that projects clearly enough for 50 or more guests without a microphone, but many Celebrants will need a microphone for less that that many people. However, most of the couples I have married would need the microphone for their Vows and Ring Exchange, simply because, on the day, when the nerves have a habit of cutting in, voices can go quiet and croaky!
Sound System 2: Music: There is more about the role of music further into this book. Make sure the Celebrant is up with music and the role it will play in your Ceremony. And make sure their sound system will play what you select to be played. Ask them about their policy in regard to playing music before, during and even after the Ceremony. After all, you don’t want to have to pay and arrange to set up a sound system separately.
Sound System 3: So you want to be married on a surf beach! Great idea but beware of the pit-falls. Make sure the Celebrant knows how to handle the equipment to compete with what can be a deafening roar of the waves in the background! And better still, can she / he bring another person to handle the sound? Most Celebrants either use a remote control or ask a guest to handle the sound system however, a remote control unit is difficult to use in the middle of a Ceremony and may cause an interruption to the flow of the Ceremony if the Celebrant has to use it. And asking a guest can place undue pressure on a guest who would rather be relaxing and hopefully, enjoying the Ceremony!
Sound System 4: Check with your Celebrant about the type of sound system they have. In particular, make 100% sure that they have a unit which runs on its own rechargeable batteries, if you are planning your Ceremony on a beach, in the bush, or anywhere where there is no available power supply. Many Celebrants purchase a sound system that requires power from the mains supply, and are stuck when you want to get married away from any power source.
Chapter 4: LEGALITIES: A GENERAL OVERVIEW
You both need to be at least 18 years of age in Australia and most other Western countries, or else you need special consents.
You both need to be willing participants.
Laws vary from country to country, but in general you will both need to show your original birth certificate to your celebrant and provide them with a copy of it?
If you were born outside of the country where your Ceremony is being performed, you will need a passport or other solid proof of I.D including photographic evidence.
If you cant provide that it may be sufficient to provide a Statutory Declaration, but that is an issue to discuss with your celebrant or Government agency.
You will need to fill out the Notice of Intended Marriage at least one month and one day prior to the Ceremony and no longer than 18 months prior to the Ceremony date. This varies from country to country.
You will require 2 witnesses on the day, 18 years or more. They cannot be anyone except your Celebrant, nor can it be yourselves!
Prior to the Ceremony you will be required to sign a Stat Dec stating that there is no legal impediment to your marriage to the other Party. In particular you must declare that you are over 18 years of age, you are who you say you are and you are not married to anyone else at the time! A Stat Dec is a Commonwealth legal document and making false statements can be punishable by Imprisonment.
On the day you will sign 3 Marriage certificates, the Celebrant keeps one, one goes to the Attorney General Births Deaths and Marriages Registry and the other is the decorative one that you keep.
Also in the Ceremony there are a few items, which must occur by Law. These include the celebrant introducing him or herself and stating that they are authorized by Law to perform the Ceremony. They must read the 'monitum legal’, which is a legal description of marriage.