Whip
Me, Beat Me,
Make Me Write Hot Sex:
A
writer’s guide to BDSM basics…
and for those who are curious.
Tymber Dalton
www.tymberdalton.com
Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write
Hot Sex:
A writer’s guide to BDSM basics…and for
those who are curious.
Copyright © 2012 by Tymber Dalton
Second
E-book Publication: February 2012
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Chapter One: Why We’re Here
BDSM is one of the hottest selling erotica genres. No surprise, because it’s such a rich and diverse topic. For those familiar with the lifestyle, some of the fiction revolving around the BDSM world is, unfortunately, laughably lacking in accuracy.
That’s why I’ve created this primer of sorts for my fellow writers who want to dip their toe into the world of BDSM. To help them avoid common errors you won’t catch if you only do your research on Wikipedia. It’s impossible for me to cover everything, but if you email me with questions I’ll update this primer every so often and include those questions as covered topics.
This primer is also good for people who might have questions about the BDSM lifestyle but don’t know where (or who) to begin asking.
Ready?
Let’s begin.
First of all, let me tell you who I am and why I’m qualified to write on this topic in the first place. I do not claim to be an expert on all things kinky. No one can claim that, due to the richly diverse ways people go about practicing their kink. I have, however, done my research on the topics I’ve written about. I am active in the BDSM lifestyle as a switch, meaning I’m comfortable on either end of the whip, so to speak.
Some of you will be familiar with my books such as The Reluctant Dom, Domme by Default, Safe Harbor, and Love Slave for Two: Beginnings, where I use BDSM as an integral part of the storyline. Some of my books, like Fierce Radiance, Love Slave for Two, and Love Slave for Two: Family Matters only touch on certain aspects of it in a milder way.
I have done a lot of field research, as it were, on the topic. I have attended BDSM play parties, Munches, talked to people in the lifestyle, and made many friends there. I have had manuscripts vetted by seasoned members of the BDSM community. I have tried my hand at a more than a few things as a top and as a bottom. Trust me, you cannot write about trying to throw a singletail unless you have actually tried to throw a singletail.
The next two things I’m about to share with you will sound very contradictory, but you’ll soon see that, in fact, they aren’t.
1. No two players practice BDSM the same way.
2. Most writers inaccurately portray BDSM.
The problem is, like with any diversion, for lack of a better word, there are “one true wayers.” Or, as you might see it written on FetLife.com, “won twue wayers”. (WTW’s) There are people who will insist, no matter how much research you do, no matter how right you get it, that you still got it wrong because you didn’t write it their way.
Ignore them.
My book The Reluctant Dom was ripped apart by one reviewer for, according to them, not being an accurate portrayal of BDSM, because “no one they knew” practiced it like that. Despite the fact that not only did a Dom friend of mine with over twenty years of experience in the lifestyle vet the manuscript for me, he told me that he knew a couple that went through a similar situation as Kaden and Leah in my story. Also, I had a lifestyle slave contact me and tell me that she used to be a cutter and her sister slave used to burn herself, and that their two Masters have a pact that if one dies, the other will assume responsibility for the surviving slave. Another Dom I know locally, who has been active in the lifestyle for over thirty years, read “The Reluctant Dom” and told me I absolutely got it right. Not to mention I personally know people in the lifestyle who use BDSM play as a safe, alternative method of coping with stress or trauma. And those are just a few of many examples.
Now, that leads me to point number two. When I say most writers inaccurately portray BDSM, it’s usually because they don’t understand the underpinnings of the lifestyle. They don’t do adequate research on the tools and techniques, or they treat BDSM as a sex act like anal sex or the missionary position instead of understanding the mindset behind BDSM.
This is a different issue from people practicing the lifestyle in different ways. This means you cannot use handcuffs for suspension work (as I read in one story). You cannot keep someone tied up for hours in certain ways and expect them to not be injured. You cannot have a Dom or Top whaling on someone with a cane without regards to whether or not they’re cutting flesh—you can easily break the skin with a cane, or cause internal injuries. A woman who is dominant all her life with no submissive leanings whatsoever is not going to suddenly decide to be a lifestyle slave after a thirty minute play session. Also, keep in mind that just because someone has a kinky relationship doesn’t mean they automatically have kinky sex. Or someone might have kinky sex and a totally vanilla relationship.
While yes, you can take literary liberties, there is a huge difference between liberties and lazy writing. Start with some basis in reality so you don’t run your story off the rails.