PERFECTLY
POSITIONED
when perspective triumphs over circumstance
by
FRANCIS ANFUSO
Copyright 2011 Francis Anfuso
Smashwords Edition
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The
Rock of Roseville
725 Vernon St., Roseville, CA
95678 U.S.A.
www.rockofroseville.com
www.rockspots.tv
To the love of my life—my beautiful wife, Suzie.
You have
been the perfect mother of our children,
and now the best
grandmother to our grandchildren.
For over 30 years, you have been my closest friend,
lover,
confidant, shrink, and even proofreader.
My life would not have
been so blessed without you.
Next to Jesus, you have brought the most healing in my life.
CONTENTS
SECTION ONE | RECEIVING GOD’S AFFECTION
1. IS THERE LIFE AFTER FAILURE?
2. CLEARING UP YOUR PERPLEXION
SECTION TWO | RELEASING MY AFFECTION
4. EVERYBODY WANTS A BREAKTHROUGH, BUT NOBODY WANTS TO DIE
5. JESUS, PLUS NOTHING, IS EVERYTHING
6. LIVING THE TRANSPARENT LIFE
SECTION THREE | CONFIDENT OF GOD’S INTENTION
7. WHEN PERSPECTIVE TRIUMPHS OVER CIRCUMSTANCE
8. FINDING PLEASURE IN YOUR PAIN
SECTION FOUR | RESTING IN THE REALITY OF GOD
10. THERE’S NO BAD NEWS IN GOD
12. PERFECTLY POSITIONED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
Humility has been defined as “realizing God and others are responsible for every achievement in my life.”[A] How true! We are the sum total of all that has been freely given to us. It was never ours to consume, merely to cherish.
When Jesus cautioned, “...without Me, you can do nothing,” [B] He was inviting us into the life we were created for. He gladly admitted, “...the Son can do nothing of Himself, but only what He sees the Father do....” [C] This self-imposed restraint provided a doorway to heaven on Earth. Likewise, our surrender awards us “life beyond measure,” [D] peace beyond understanding, [E] and inexpressible joy in the here and now. [F]
“God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us…His Spirit deeply and gently within us.” [G]
Though I trust God has been this book’s author and finisher, many other people have been involved in its creation:
My praying mother who raised me.
My brothers, Victor and Joseph, and sisters, Diana and Maria, who were some of the few bright spots in a pretty dark childhood. They remain wonderful friends.
My beautiful wife, Suzie, who was the best proofreader of all.
My beloved daughters, Deborah and Havilah, who, along with their mother, have been a constant reminder of what true wealth really is.
There have also been scores of people who have read and critiqued this book in its various stages of development. In addition, dozens of marvelously perceptive and wholesome Rock Interns—both young and old, plus members of our church family, have heard, read and received this: my life’s journey.
Special thanks to Hans Bennewitz, who created a great cover; and to my personal assistant, Lydia Birks, who offered exquisite insights that rounded rough edges, often making me sound kinder than I really am.
But the premiere person who made this book possible is Natalie Eiferd, one of my daughters in the Lord. I have watched her grow into a brilliant, godly, mature woman who spent hundreds of hours turning my raw material into an exquisite feast that can transform lives. Frankly, her name could be on the cover as well.
For this selfless labor of love, Natalie, I will always be indebted to you.
Thank you.
Francis Anfuso
francis@rockofroseville.com
I swear to you, I was just sitting there minding my own business when it happened. I was sitting on the front row of a weekend service, when the speaker on the stage startled me with these words: “Most of us spend our lives standing on the dock, looking out to the sea, waiting for ‘OUR SHIP’ to come in. We keep hoping for yet another in a long line of prayers we’ve prayed and expectations we’ve had to be answered or fulfilled, in the belief that THIS ONE will be the one to finally satisfy and make us happy. Meanwhile, Jesus is standing there on the edge of the dock, jumping up and down, trying to get our attention because He has arrived to BE and TO DO all that we are needing. Our SHIP has already come.”
When I heard those words, they pierced me to the core. I have always sought to make Jesus the preference for my whole life, but realized when Francis Anfuso was articulating the above words, the Lord was about to elevate my relationship with Him to a totally different level. If you were to read my journal since then, you would know what a difference that metaphor has made.
I’ve known Francis Anfuso for almost two decades and have watched him wildly succeed and mercilessly struggle. I’ve seen the words of this book become his life message and I’ve seen it significantly impact mine. Don’t read this book—rather, journal and pray and reflect on it because its contents could truly ‘mark’ your life in ways that few have. If you’re tired of being addicted to circumstances, then prepare yourself for a new addiction that you’ll never need a support group for.
DR. DAVID
LOVELESS
Senior Pastor of Discovery Church
Orlando,
Florida
IS THERE LIFE AFTER FAILURE?
WHEN DREAMS (ALMOST) COME TRUE
I walked into a dimly lit room on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood, California. The producer of two of the most successful secular rock bands of all time, with more than 130 million albums sold, had assembled half a dozen of his creative team. He had invited me to present a 20-minute video I had produced describing a prospective multi-media youth tour. The 90-minute production was designed to reach millions of young people with a captivating, high-tech gospel message. As the video promo ended, the producer turned to me and remarked, “That was the best presentation of a project I have ever seen. I am very interested.”
Our meeting had been set up at the request of the wealthy Christian owner of an established secular TV network. He had asked this top producer to critique the project and give his recommendations. The producer’s conclusion: “If he [the TV network owner] doesn’t provide financing for the tour, I will.” It turned out that, though this producer was not a Christian, he had a praying sister who was. Later that day he showed my video to a Warner Brothers’ Vice President, and once again, received a positive response.
I left the meeting ecstatic. The fact that it happened at all was a miracle, not to mention his overwhelmingly encouraging reaction. This had been a dream of mine for years. I had spent hundreds of hours with a team of creative people developing the tour concept, writing the script, and producing the video. Many other extraordinary contacts were made with highly capable Christians in the entertainment industry who were eager to use their gifts and resources to see this youth tour come to pass. Finally, it seemed that it was all coming together; everything I had prayed for—everything I had dreamed about.
Within weeks, the rock band producer flew to meet with a renowned Christian TV personality and myself to finalize the project. Lengthy discussions took place. Agreements were made. Everything seemed to be on course, until a Christian concert promoter advised the producer that there was not a large enough Christian market to make the tour viable.
It was a marvelous concept…
…a brilliant presentation!
…but too small a market!
Suddenly, everything I had worked so hard to see happen was taken away. It was over! I was in shock! How could God have allowed all of these remarkable meetings to take place and not bring the project to completion? I was totally unprepared for this jarring turn of events. And yet, this had not been my first experience with the “left hook from nowhere.” On two other occasions I had been perfectly set up for massive disappointments.
Several years before, I had been given the opportunity to pitch a movie project I had been working on for ten years to an executive for the most well-known Christian film distributor in America. It received his enthusiastic endorsement, calling it, “the best distribution process for 35mm films he had ever seen.” Yet despite the glowing reports, only a short time later, I realized the movie project would not be funded. In the end, it too, went belly up.
A few years after this ill-fated movie venture, I began developing a TV show for a top Christian musician. It was full of edgy concepts and innovative ideas. Once again, I threw my heart and soul into the preparation, pouring many hours into its development. The vision for the TV show was embraced; the show was successfully produced; but I was not involved. Here again, I was completely devastated and utterly traumatized. I would not soon recover. I had yet to learn the secret of living in contentment no matter what my circumstances were.
PEELING MY HEART OFF CLOSED DOORS
Once, while visiting with friends, I watched a seven-year-old boy run in and out of the house all afternoon. As the day wore on and the temperature dropped, the boy’s mother decided to close the sliding glass door leading into the back yard. Somehow the little guy didn’t notice, and a few moments later, going 50 mph, he smashed into the invisible barrier. He didn’t just fall backward, he was propelled backward. He hit the glass so hard, I thought, “He’s dead! There’s no way he could have survived unscathed!” But much to our amazement, a few minutes later, with his nose somewhat readjusted, he was up and about, though moving much more gingerly.
After each of my media projects died a slow death, I felt exactly like that battered boy. Having hit a brick wall with the “pedal to the metal,” the wind didn’t just leave my sails; God forcibly removed it. My heart sank in disbelief as I tried to grasp the unexpected turn of events. I was completely at a loss. Why had God consistently shown His hand of favor in each venture? Why would He allow me to invest so much time and energy on each of these worthwhile projects if He didn’t want them completed? Why would he have me pray and see my prayers answered, only to ultimately watch the endeavors melt into oblivion?
Frankly, it seemed unspeakably cruel.
With each of these projects I stood waiting, as a faithful sentry, by open doors of opportunity only to have them abruptly slammed in my face. Yet, I refused to believe these shut doors would remain closed forever. The remarkable miracles I had seen God perform in two projects in particular seemed to refute that possibility. So I continued to stand outside the doors and wait for them to reopen. The waiting turned into years. In the end, I would accept the inevitable: these endeavors were on life support and I would have to pull the plug. I had to let my dreams die, walking away both shaking my head and shaken to the core.
I could only conclude: the greatest miracles I had ever seen took place in projects that God never intended me to complete.
Try filing that one away.
It would take me years to fully process what had gone on and come to terms with God’s ultimate intention for each of these life-altering situations. Even though today I am completely at peace with the death of those projects, in the past it was not always so. It seemed not only out of character for God to allow such mixed messages, but emotionally criminal. I was convinced my appeal to a higher court in heaven would most assuredly render a different verdict. But, for what seemed an eternity, my petitions were unanswered.
I have come to believe that “onward and upward” is in fact a non-biblical perspective. Though somewhat overstated, “onward and downward” would be much closer to the truth. “Before honor is humility.” [1] God always defaults to what is ultimately in our best interest, and therefore has no intention of fulfilling all of our dreams. As the One who shaped and fashioned our inner needs, why would God fulfill a dream He knows is inherently unfulfilling? It has taken me half-a-lifetime to realize that His commitment is to fulfill His dream for me, which is infinitely better, though inevitably hidden from my eyes. “It is God’s privilege to conceal things and the king’s privilege to discover them.” [2]
God’s motive in this high-stakes game of hide-and-seek is pure and purposeful, though our experience on earth can be, at times, extremely painful. Many who have gone through unexplainable tragedy, often arriving at a life-altering crossroad with a broken heart, have come to a far different conclusion about the motive of God. One songwriter summed up human existence with this rather bleak assessment: “Life sucks, and then you die.” How heartwarming! Though this statement may contain a small measure of truth, it by no means accurately portrays what life is about. God is not some cosmic killjoy getting His jollies out of pulling the wings off of helpless humans. In fact, quite the opposite is true. It is impossible for a blameless God to do anything but good.
When I was about ten years old, one of my great adventures in life was catching large bullfrogs. I loved the thrill of sneaking up behind them and then, moving at light-speed, plucking them out of the water with one fell swoop. Their skin felt so funny; so rubbery and slippery, covered with strange bumps. But, however long the hunt took, my exploits with bullfrogs always came down to catch and release.
Except on one tragic occasion.
One day, when I caught a really big bullfrog, I had the bizarre thought that it would be fun to methodically peel off his skin and see what was underneath. Everything seemed to go fine until I dropped the skinless frog back onto the hot sand. Only then did I fully realize the tragic mistake I had made. In horror I stared at the hapless victim now shrouded in sand. His life was soon over. I had, for all intents and purposes, killed him.
What started out as a neat idea turned into an ordeal I desperately wanted to reverse. Incapable of devising a plan to get his skin back on, I could only watch the doomed frog writhe in pain. Finally, unable to bear it any longer, I walked away feeling terribly sick inside. Forty-five years later I’m still embarrassed over what I did to that poor little frog.
Life is full of situations we wish never happened; setbacks and failures are as common to each of us as hiccups and headaches. Many of them are self-inflicted, while others are part of the script we have been given. Only with God’s help can we properly respond to them, living—and eventually dying—in peace. Fortunately, God seems to take special pleasure in showing His power through our mistakes and weakness. The greatest lessons in life are primarily the result of learning to respond properly to what we perceive as failure or loss. Looking back now, I wouldn’t change a thing, even though my perceived failure was so devastating at the time. I see now that God is able to use even failure for my good as I continue to trust Him.
LOUSY TIMING, PERFECT MOMENT
When my wife, Suzie, and I had been married for just nine months, I went to Montreal, Quebec to film during the 1976 Olympics. A small film crew and I traveled from California to film Christians publicly sharing their faith outside Olympic venues. God had provided thousands of dollars and the right personnel for the project.
The day before the Olympics were to begin, I called home to share with my wife how well everything seemed to be coming together. Suzie, who was three months pregnant, had visited the doctor that day and had been told, based on the physiological symptoms occurring in her body, she was probably having a miscarriage. The news was jarring. We prayed and I offered to take the next plane back to California, but she insisted I stay. My courageous wife, knowing how important the filming was to me, was resolute that I did not need to return home and that she would be fine.
Hanging up the phone, I prayed with the other members of our film crew for God’s direction. I am so grateful that at such a critical moment godly men surrounded me. After much prayer and discussion, it was obvious to everyone that my priority was to catch the next plane home to be with my wife.
On the day the Olympics started and filming began, after months of grueling preparation, I found myself boarding a plane—doing the right thing—but hating every minute of it. I was mad. I loved my wife, and wanted to be there for her, but why did God have to pick one of the most important events in my young Christian life to ask for my obedience? His timing seemed, to say the least, really lousy!
Trying to keep a positive attitude as the other passengers were boarding the plane, I mechanically opened my Bible and began to read. It was a struggle, but I knew it was exactly what I needed, especially at that moment.
Suddenly, a deep male voice interrupted my train of thought, “Excuse me!” I looked up to see a large, distinguished, middle-aged black man, dressed in an African shirt and hat. After an ever-so-brief greeting, he slid past me and sat in the window seat. I returned to reading my Bible.
Shortly after takeoff, he turned to me and inquired, “So you’re reading the Bible, huh?” At that moment I barely felt emotionally stable enough to read the Bible, much less carry on a conversation about it. I shot back a lifeless, “Yeah,” and immediately put my head back down, hoping he would not have a follow-up question.
Over the years, I have had the privilege of leading many people to Jesus on airplanes, but that morning I was depressed and struggling to keep my heart in a healthy place. Normally, I would have welcomed a conversation, especially one about the Bible, but I was in the process of experiencing two of the biggest setbacks of my Christian life, and the last thing I felt like doing was chatting with a stranger.
The man, much to my immediate displeasure, didn’t seem to notice my reluctance. Instead, he asked another question about the Bible. It seemed inevitable—I was headed for a conversation about God whether I felt like it or not. At first we began to talk rather haltingly, but he was genuinely interested and soon we were in the middle of a deep discussion. I shared what Jesus had done in my life and I could see he was being impacted. He told me his name was Archie Moore. Two hours into our conversation, I moved over to the middle seat. Archie expressed a sincere desire to receive Jesus, and so I led him in a prayer as the plane was touching down in Chicago.
Though my knowledge of him was sketchy at the time, I found out later he had been the former Light Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the world who holds the all-time knockout record. He even fought, and almost defeated, the legendary Rocky Marciano for the Heavyweight title. “Archie Moore was the oldest boxer to win the world’s Light Heavyweight crown, and is believed to be the only boxer to have boxed professionally in the eras of Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano and Cassius Clay/Muhammad Ali. He was one of a handful of boxers whose careers spanned four decades, and he had a final record of 186 wins, with 145 official knockout wins.” [3]
Once inside the airport terminal, I gave Archie a hug and said goodbye. He had just left when a young woman approached. She identified herself as a Christian who had formerly been a nightclub singer. She exclaimed that when Archie first walked on the plane she had recognized him and believed that God had providentially seated her directly behind me. Throughout the entire flight she had been fervently interceding for us and wondered why I had moved over to the seat next to Archie. As I told her he had prayed to receive Jesus, we rejoiced together in the airport. It was a wonderful moment.
How ironic! Having just been knocked out of filming at the Olympics, I just had the privilege of leading to Christ a future Hall of Fame boxer with the most knockouts in history.
I left the plane more at peace than I had been in the previous 24 hours; humbled that, even in the middle of my struggle for understanding, God could still use me to impact the life of this man. It had been less than three hours since I boarded the plane discouraged and dejected. Now, halfway home, I was flying high, having obeyed God and seen almost immediate fruit. There was life after failure!
On my second flight from Chicago to Sacramento, the Lord once again providentially sat me across from a wise and insightful nurse. For the next three hours I was able to ask her medical questions and learn more about the implications of a miscarriage. Though I was still somewhat bewildered and lacking in understanding, God had anticipated my every need! He did not forsake me, reject me, nor abandon me, but rather guided me to a new level of establishing priorities that would provide a healthy foundation for the rest of my life and marriage.
Because I was away filming the day after Suzie’s disconcerting doctor’s appointment, she had gone to stay with her parents for emotional support. I knew she was not expecting me to return so soon. I decided not to call, but to surprise her. A friend picked me up at the airport and drove me out to her folk’s cattle ranch. She was totally shocked to see me standing there with flowers. Bursting into tears, we hugged and cried. It was a very moving moment. Even her dad, an atheist who rarely showed emotion, choked up when he greeted me and, looking into my eyes said, “Son, you did the right thing!”
I have no doubt, many years later, when Dad finally gave his heart to Jesus, that some of the first seeds of trust were sown on that fateful day. As her father, he didn’t care if a video of the Olympics was made or not. But what he did care about, and what he did see, was that his daughter’s husband was willing to give up even the most important thing he was doing to come to her aid. People will see far more of God in us by how we respond to failure, than to success.
Suzie had the miscarriage. It was a sad and painful loss, but a gigantic statement had been made. A pillar was put in place that remains steadfast throughout over 30 years of marriage. Wherever I am in the world, whatever work I am doing, if Suzie needs me, I will drop everything else and come to her side. One year later, God graciously gave us two beautiful, identical twin daughters. For God so loved… He gave….
The lowest moment in my early Christian life now stands as a signpost pointing to a better future. So too, for all of us, if we will obey God at these pivotal moments when we don’t understand, He will give us “…beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that [we]…may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” [4]
WHY GOD?
Whenever you find yourself wondering why something is happening, realize it is never a coincidence. It is invariably God working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him. [5] Actually, why is typically the wrong question; what is the word we should be asking. “God, what are you trying to show me in this situation?” The situation, no matter how bleak, is not a mere accident; it is God at work, even using what Satan meant for evil. If we love Him and are committed to doing His will, He promises us that all things that happen will work for our good either on earth or in Heaven. [6]
At times, even those who felt called into full-time ministry have encountered impenetrable walls and were forced to detour from their original objectives. Sometimes these barricades can be from the devil. Paul, the apostle, wrote, “We wanted very much to come, and I, Paul, tried again and again, but Satan prevented us.” [7] But more often than not, they are divine diversions; in-flight adjustments by our Commander-in-Chief.
A young married couple felt called to the mission field yet encountered a similar wall. Having been accepted by a mission organization, they just needed to pass a medical exam to be on their way. But, to their great dismay, the young wife was found to be physically unfit for the African climate. Heartbroken, they returned home and asked God for understanding in the matter. After much prayer, they resolved that if they could not go overseas themselves, they would make as much money as possible in America to spread the gospel elsewhere.
With missionary hearts, the young couple took over a small side business from the husband’s father, making unfermented wine for communion services, turning it into a tremendous success. During their lifetime they gave vast sums of money to mission fields around the world. Their last name, by the way, was Welch, of Welch’s Grape Juice fame.
THE ROAD TO HOPE
The words of the Apostle Paul have helped me on many occasions during my times of setback and failure. “We rejoice in our sufferings,” he writes, “because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” [8] Working this spiritual equation backwards we find that if we lack hope, it is because we lack character; if we lack character, it is because we lack perseverance; and if we lack perseverance, it is because we have not responded properly to the trials and tribulations that face us. You don’t get character by sitting in a hot tub eating ice cream. Character is only developed through struggles. Shakings are essential to life. We must go through them in order to experience “the removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain.” [9]
It has been rightly said, “God always gives the best to those who leave the choice with Him.” If we remain steadfast, confidently embracing God’s providential plan, the final chapter of our lives will reveal His infinite wisdom and matchless destiny. Only He can take a shattered dream and multiply its potential a hundredfold.
IN CASE OF FAILURE, READ THIS!
Failure is an inevitable part of life, but we still have a choice as to how we will respond to it. We can choose to hide our failures and weaknesses from others out of embarrassment and fear, or we can choose to view these times as opportunities to see the areas in our lives that still need work. Embarrassment alone isn’t enough to drive us to change. It is not until we get truly desperate that we will be sufficiently motivated to pursue changing our lives.
Embarrassment is merely the first stage of conviction. When we see areas in our lives that are out of control we feel embarrassed, but that is only the beginning of the sufficient provocation needed for change. Embarrassment is a junior stage of conviction—actually a baby step. People live and die embarrassed, but never really change. Expressions such as, “I know I shouldn’t do it, but I do!” or “It’s a horrible habit” merely gloss over an underlying lack of dedication to change. In Luke 9:45, the disciples “…were embarrassed to ask him [Jesus] what He meant.” [10] Embarrassment brought about no eternal change. They were not yet ready.
The next stage of conviction is being fed up. When we are fed up, we no longer try to hide our failures; we attempt to fix them ourselves. Here again, though a person may be sick and tired of acting a certain way, being fed up will only produce depression or anger, but not a lasting change in behavior. A disciple is a whole-hearted follower of Jesus Christ. Jesus affirmed this when He challenged, “So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.” [11] Partial commitments produce insufficient results.
What is needed is a departure from conventional wisdom. We can live and die both embarrassed and fed up, and still see no tangible alteration of our behavior. Until we see our departure from sin as a life and death issue, requiring a desperate response, we will never rise to the level of concern that facilitates personal transformation. It isn’t until we reach the final stage of conviction—desperation—that we will see the change in our lives we truly desire. We have to be desperate for God in order to be yielded to Him. The psalmist cried out, “I’m in trouble. I cry to God, desperate for an answer….” [12]
Without embracing God’s perspective, we will eventually fall into deception. God’s not trying to change our circumstances; He’s trying to change our reaction to them.
If the only way we learn is by making mistakes instead of being dedicated to change, then we are destined to become an ugly mass of scar tissue. The Word and the Spirit of God purpose to guide us into truth and to spare us the heartbreaking anguish of serious failure. If we only learn by being enrolled in the School of Hard Knocks, then we will experience the way of the unfaithful, which is unnecessarily hard. [13]
How does this progression of thought take place? Sin first begins in our thoughts, then thoughts become deeds, deeds become habits, habits form our personality, and ultimately, our personality shapes our destiny. In a similar way, if we don’t stop evil desires in the thought stage, eventually they will manifest themselves as deeds, which sooner or later become habits, gradually overtaking our personality until, in the end, they establish our destiny. “Then the evil desire, when it has conceived, gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is fully matured, brings forth death.” [14]
With God’s power we can stop thoughts before they become deeds, and deeds before they evolve into habits. By breaking this cycle, we will live life flourishing in the oasis of God’s personality and destiny.
Many Christians, leaders included, are paralyzed by fear of failure. They would rather debate and analyze than begin to do something—anything. It can be overwhelming to look at all of the failures in our lives and begin to learn from them. But as Hudson Taylor, the great missionary to China, said, “I have found that there are three stages in every great work of God. First it is impossible. Then it is difficult. Then it is done.” I have been amazed over the years, as I have seen how faithful God has been to bring calm to chaos, and understanding to the devastations of my past.
THE CURE IS IN THE DISEASE
My aged mother often said, “Before you can appreciate the good, you have to experience the bad.” Though perhaps imperfect in her theology, this wise lady had tasted enough of life to know something of its sequencing. Just as pride comes before destruction, [15] and humility before honor; [16] so too, we must know we are lost before we can be eternally saved. As with bad and good, failure must be realized before success can be appreciated. In a sense, the cure and the disease are inexorably linked.
Here is a perfect analogy elaborating on this profound principle. In order to provide protection and immunization from certain diseases, vaccines are developed which contain weakened or dead microbes of the kind that actually cause the disease in the first place. These inoculations stimulate the immune system to produce antibodies, which in turn fight the disease.
Jesus became sin for us in order “that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” [17] He chose the reproach of failure in order to secure everlasting success for those He loves. He allowed all of the bad that had ever been perpetrated by mankind to not just be placed at His own feet, but to be fully credited to His account. Christ’s lowest moment became the launching point for our highest.
Will you willingly embrace the inevitable challenges of life that are, in fact, divinely prepared appointments with destiny? Will you allow God to renew your mind and heal your misconceptions of all that has transpired thus far? We have all misjudged God and His purpose for us. We have all given up too quickly. Our rescue is at hand. If we will but wait, hope and believe.
TRAGEDIES REDEEMED
A fishing fleet left a small harbor in Newfoundland and was caught in a terrible storm. When night came, the ships were scheduled to return home, yet none of them did.
All night long, the mothers, wives, and children of the fishermen walked the shores looking for some sign of their loved ones, praying tearfully that God would bring them back safely. Adding to their anxieties, one of the homes in the village caught fire in the middle of the night. Since all of the men were gone, it burned to the ground.
But as morning dawned, the entire fleet of ships sailed safely back into the harbor. All of the villagers rejoiced when they saw their men safely home, except the woman whose home had burned down. Approaching her husband with grief written across her face, she cried out, “We are ruined! Our home and everything we had were destroyed by fire.”
Her husband, however, just shook his head. “What are you saying? Thank God for the fire!” he exclaimed. “It was the light of our burning home that guided the whole fleet into port.”
Yes, in this world we will have tribulation. But Jesus says, “Be of good cheer; I have overcome the world!” [18] He has overcome the disasters of life. He has overcome the sin that infected us; and if we will but trust Him—and Him alone—we are destined to be over-comers as well.
REDEEMING THE UNREDEEMABLE
Looking back over the 23 years of my life before I met Jesus, I see a trail of self-gratifying choices which inflicted much hurt upon many of those around me. I used my God-given gift of persuasion to open the hearts of women, enticing them to give up their sexual purity. I fathered two children, which were later aborted. I persuaded scores of others to enter a bankrupt drug culture, rebel against God, family and society, all as I simultaneously sank into my own caverns of self-deception. How many of those I led astray are still reaping the consequences of my treachery and sin? I am even now saddened to think about it. There was much to be ashamed of, and forgiven for.
But none of my fast talk could prevent me from reaping what I had sown. Breaking innocent hearts was the prelude to my not-so-innocent heart being broken as well. The accumulation of pain I had inflicted upon others came crashing down and nearly took my life during a six-month suicidal meltdown. I was on a collision course with death.
I will always be eternally grateful for a persistent, praying mother trusting in a gracious, merciful God. Even during my pre-Christian years there were a few situations that were miraculously redeemed by God after I became a Christian. There was life after failure.
Six months before I received Jesus, I was hitchhiking in Honolulu, Hawaii. An accountant from New York City and his family picked me up. He had shoulder length hair and was dabbling in smoking pot; a poster child for a counter-culture wannabe. Always ready to convert people to whatever I was into, I had an intense half-hour conversation trying to persuade him to give up his materialistic ways and pursue a more down to earth lifestyle. It was a sincere and meaningful conversation that, frankly, had no eternal value.
A year and a half later, after becoming a Christian, I was driving in New York City. As I was about to enter the busy Long Island Expressway, I saw a hitchhiker on the side of the onramp, whom I decided to pick up. As he got into the car, I instantly recognized him. He was the same accountant who had picked me up a year and a half before in Honolulu. We were both stunned. God’s presence filled the vehicle and I was suddenly aware of the fact that Jesus had fully orchestrated this divine appointment.
The man had unfortunately taken some of my misguided advice, and had become a card-carrying member of the hippie subculture. For the next half-hour, talking at New York warp speed, I shared with this now captive audience my complete testimony of God transforming my life, as well as an impassioned overview of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The electricity in the car was palpable. We both knew our impossible rendezvous had been sovereignly ordained.
Though at that moment he did not surrender his heart to Jesus, our lives were both shaken by the magnificent and flawless plan of God. This was one of the few times in my life I was able to impact the life of someone I had previously damaged. I treasure it as a moment when God once again redeemed the unredeemable, allowing failure to be eclipsed by faith.
Over the years, I have now had countless opportunities to help thousands of people who have made many of the same mistakes I once made. There is not a sin I have committed that I have not had the opportunity to tell another person about. There is not a type of person I have deceived, whom I have not had the privilege of guiding into a saving relationship with the loving God of the Universe. There is not only life after failure; there is a redemptive purpose in every sin, every setback, and every heartbreak we have or will ever go through. The life of your dreams is just around the bend, and the fastest way to get there is obeying the will of God no matter how unfulfilling it may seem during the process.
SUMMARY POINTS
• The greatest lessons in life are primarily the result of learning to respond properly to what we perceive as failure.
• Failure may be an inevitable part of life, but we still have a choice as to how we will respond to it.
• God’s not trying to change our circumstances; He’s trying to change our reaction to them.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. What do you consider to be your greatest failures in life thus far?
2. Have you seen God use these setbacks to produce His character in your life?
3. In retrospect, in what way did you respond properly to those challenges?
4. In retrospect, how would you respond differently if you were able to do it over?
5. What is your present assessment of the value of failure in your own life?
CLEARING UP YOUR PERPLEXION
INSIGNIFICANT FROM BIRTH
My twin brother Joseph and I were born at the height of my father’s political career. He was in his mid-40s and was running for office, to which he was subsequently elected to five terms in the U.S. House of Representatives. Having twin boys, late in life, was not a pleasant surprise. Consequently, neither was his response to us. My natural insecurities were soon fed by unnatural abandonment. In time, a supernatural God would heal both.
Joseph and I were sent away to camp every summer from five years of age to 14. During the school year we lived in oppressively strict boarding schools from 11 years old on.
We never lived at home again. It left me with deep feelings of personal inadequacy, anger toward my father and absolutely no idea of who I was. What was it about me that my father disliked so much? Rejection and abandonment were my childhood playmates.
Each of us is born with an abiding sense of our own personal insignificance. We are herded like cattle through school lunch queues, grocery lines and traffic jams. Acne and peer pressure, or more pointedly, being ignored by our classmates, parents and those closest to us frustrate our quest for self-importance. Yet, beneath the surface is an enduring hope that we do have some value, even if it is not yet revealed.
When I was a young boy in boarding school, I lived for years in a large room with 75 other boys—row after row of beds and dressers. I can hardly think of anything more impersonal and depressing. During my six years in this oppressively authoritative institution, we were never allowed to talk with our classmates—in any dorm room, classroom, hallway, bathroom, or shower. It was the loneliest experience of my life. I hated every minute of it.
There were no “Good mornings,” no “Good nights”; just whistles and threats. The priest in charge of our dorm wore a long black robe with a cross, but would drink beer, smoke cigars and curse at us. He reminded me more of Judas than Jesus. It was like having a prisoner in charge of a prison. Since the day I graduated, I have never seen one person I went to grammar school or high school with. The year I left, they closed the boarding portion of the school down. Frankly, now 40 years later, it is still extremely painful to even think about.
During those forsaken years, I was so desperate for love and affection that I would periodically get up before the other boys and go to a mass conducted in Latin, a language I didn’t even understand. I would sit in these services, tired and bored to death, while all the other boys were sleeping, for just one reason. In order to be awakened for mass, I would tie a towel at the end of my bed. The priest, seeing I wanted to go to mass, and not wanting to make any noise to wake the other boys, would shake me for a few seconds. It was those precious moments of touch, even at the hand of someone I detested, that made it all worth it. I had been touched. Not in anger or correction, but I imagined because someone cared. It is embarrassing to write, but true just the same.
GROWING UP FRAGILE
God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him. Yet children, in truth, have few choices. For better or worse, other people direct most of their lives. When I traveled as an itinerant evangelist I realized how much absolute control my wife Suzie and I had over our children. On a number of occasions we had to wake our pre-school age daughters, Deborah and Havilah, hours before first light to begin a long journey across the country. We were always struck by how compliant our children were to our instructions. “Get dressed girls, we have to leave soon!” Like toy soldiers they would without question obey our requests, seemingly walking in their sleep. Were they confident we knew what we were doing? No, I think they were merely following instructions.
For a season in my childhood I submissively ate the meals life dished out. But eventually, a closer examination of the food caused my frustration to boil over. When it did, no one was spared, least of all myself. I blamed everyone for my misery. Yet in the end, my loving Creator had written a foolproof script for me; it was designed to heal my past, establish my present, and inspire me to run toward a future beyond my wildest dreams. I am so thankful for the wonderful family I now have.
All of my brothers and sisters are following God. My wife and I have had decades of a marvelous relationship that only continues to get better. Our beautiful twin daughters married godly caring men, and each had their first child a week apart. I have a church family that consistently inspires me as they lay down their lives for Jesus and one another. I am a truly blessed man!
A LITTLE PAIN GOES AWAY
Though it is impossible to fully relate and empathize with another person’s pain, a little of our own pain goes a long way. I am not naïve to think that there are many of you reading this who could easily say, “So, you think that’s bad? Listen to this!” My heart has broken countless times as battered people have shared the gruesome events of their deformed childhood.
Whether we like it or not, we will each have to look back long enough and deep enough to allow the Lord to heal us. If we refuse, then the abused will become the abuser, and the neglected will become the neglecter. I work with people every day whose childhoods were so painful from abuse and neglect that they have spent years blocking them out. But they must still look back, through the healing eyes of a Creator who was with them during every horrific moment. He will take the years of turmoil and brokenness, and transform tortured memories into bridges of healing and hope; not only for ourselves, but also for those He will send our way.
As Paul, the former persecutor of Christians, once wrote, “So when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your benefit and salvation! For when God comforts us, it is so that we, in turn, can be an encouragement to you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.” [19]
Our own hurts often keep us from seeing our hidden worth, which is not to be found in the high points of our life, but rather hidden under the rubble of our greatest pain. Only time, heat, and pressure can produce the most beautiful diamond. So too, the Master Surgeon, in making all things new, allows old things to pass away. “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” [20]
Though our struggles may at times seem pointless, the fruit of seeing life from God’s perspective will last forever. The scales of Heaven, measuring everything in terms of eternity, will not miss an ounce of our true value. Though we think there is tragic waste in our lives, if we allow God to heal our hearts, the character being produced will far outweigh the pain suffered.
If you hear nothing else, hear this: character only comes from receiving the love of God. All attempts to change without first knowing how much God loves you will consign you to a life based on performance—what you can do—and not accepting what He has already done on your behalf. Without knowing God’s love, our lives eventually become a lie, devoid of the fulfillment found only in knowing our Creator. If we reject God’s infinite love, we will try in vain to remake ourselves into the image of this fallen world; realizing only too late it was all for nothing.
Every day, people exchange an eternity of significance before a loving God for a meager 15 minutes of fame beneath the shallow applause of an indifferent world. Receiving God’s love would have given them all the value they would ever need. Instead, the sublime is traded for the mediocre—beauty for ashes.
A young boy in South Africa once swapped a costly diamond for a few toy soldiers because he was ignorant of what he had. Satan, the enemy of our soul, trifled away his own eternal value, and now attempts to devalue as many other eternal beings as possible. Once known as Lucifer, the anointed worship leader of Heaven traded the priceless for the meaningless, when the love of God was all he would ever need.
Why is receiving God’s love and the eternal character that comes with it so important? Because, in the end, there is no secret in our heart that our conduct will not reveal. In the beginning, charisma might get you going, but it will take character to keep you going. Though character may be seen in the great moments of our lives, it is formed in the small ones. The real limitations in our lives are only in us and in our character, never in the heart of a loving God. He will gladly fulfill our heart’s desire once we fully embrace what is on His heart for us.
Though we are all seduced and distracted by the temporary pleasures of earth (e.g., money, idols, fame, relationships, etc.), “eternity is in our hearts,” [21] and nothing else will satisfy. Nothing outside of God’s promises and desires for us will bring the satisfaction we crave. My father had everything anyone could ask for—wealth, fame, family— yet without God what he sought after never fulfilled him. I refuse to pass on the lie. By God’s grace, the curse has been broken.
CARRIED BY GREAT WINDS
The great philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once said, “All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” During my formative years I would mask the pain of being abandoned by my father with a casual indifference to his public distinction. But all of my vehement rejection of his disregard for my life only verified how important his approval really was. The Bible says, “The glory of children is their fathers.” [22] The original Hebrew language implies that this glory is “an ornament to be worn in honor… for all to behold its beauty.” Even when bitterness blinded me from seeing the beauty of my father’s glory, the longing for it was always there. It left me consigned to a lifelong tension: longing for his affection, while rejecting how insignificant thinking of him made me feel. Young children are unable to differentiate between what is normal and healthy, and what is merely common and dysfunctional. Without being able to understand that difference, my broken bond with my father led to an inherent distrust of all authority. I detested the duplicity between his public persona and our non-existent private life. The painted smile couldn’t conceal my inner rage.
When I was growing up, I found the hypocrisy within the religious institutions of my childhood comparable to the duplicity of my father. We were all smiles for political photo shoots, but all was not well in the Anfuso household. Not surprisingly, I eventually blamed God for the betrayal that suffocated my undefended life. Only after a dramatic personal conversion was this cycle of bitterness finally broken. Having been consumed by a life of anger and resentment, my spirit was at last jumpstarted and a healing relationship with Jesus began.
Now, over 35 years later, I can honestly say that I walk free from anger, bitterness, and resentment, having learned to forgive and release those who have hurt me. Because of God’s miraculous healing in my life, I live a life of peace and joy, loving others with the freedom God had always intended for me.
I am reminded of an old Chippewa Indian saying that my twin brother Joseph once said greatly inspired him: “Sometimes I go about feeling sorry for myself, and all the time I am being carried by great winds across the sky.” This saying encapsulates the skewed perspective many of us tend to have, not realizing it has been the grace of God that has carried us through each of life’s tragedies. In the end, it is this self-absorption that keeps us from seeing what God is doing behind the scenes in each of our lives.
THE REACTION TO THE ACTION
How we respond to life is far more important than what happens to us. Two people can experience identical challenges, and yet respond in polar opposite ways. Some of the most potent and memorable examples of opposite responses are found in the Bible.
Elijah is known as one of the greatest prophets of all time. He prophesied that it wouldn’t rain for three and a half years, and it didn’t. He believed God would send ravens to feed him, and God obliged. He prophesied the miracle of God multiplying a single mother’s food, and God did.
In the book of 1Kings, Elijah asks a single mother (a widow), in severe poverty, to get him some water. While she is going to get it, he requests some of her bread as well. Have you ever had a family member do that to you? As you’re going to the kitchen to get something to eat, they yell, “Hey, while you’re up, could you get me a glass of water… and some bread… and a napkin… and a knife… and some butter… and jelly? Hey, why don’t you just stay in the kitchen until all my needs are met?”
The widow’s bread just happens to be her last meal. She answers, “…I do not have bread, only a handful of flour in a bin, and a little oil in a jar; and see, I am gathering a couple of sticks that I may go in and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it, and die.” [23]
The single mother’s response is like asking someone, “How are you?” and having them retort, “Oh, I’m suicidal.” What could you possibly say then—“Really, that’s interesting! Were you born suicidal, or did you convert?” The mother’s answer to Elijah doesn’t indicate a very optimistic perspective of her life and situation. I’d say she was a cup-is-half-empty kind of person.
I had a bleak roommate in college during my hippie phase. He was a completely depressed soul. He never talked and pasted dark charcoal pictures that looked like moon craters all over his closet door.
I once asked him if he was enjoying reading a certain book, just to break the two feet of solid ice in our communication. He slammed the book shut and snapped back, “I wouldn’t be on page 158 if I wasn’t.” The ice remained unbroken. I’d say he was a cup-is-completely-empty person.
After the mother reacts to Elijah’s request, he then responds, “Do not fear; go and do as you have said, but make me a small cake from it first, and bring it to me; and afterward make some for yourself and your son.” [24] Elijah is effectively saying, “I hear you—you’re going to eat your last meal and die. That’s great! While you’re at it, I’ll take two eggs over easy, hash browns, an English muffin and some waffles. Do you have real butter?” Elijah seems to be oblivious.
Do you ever feel that way about God? You are freaking out and you feel like all He’s doing is sun bathing! Nothing could be further from the truth. Whether we understand it or see it, God has ordered our steps in the most marvelous way possible. The test is: will we trust what we cannot see? Frankly, will we trust God?
The Bible addresses this most clearly when it says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” [25]
The sooner we give up our addiction to understanding what we think is going on in our lives, the sooner we can rest in acknowledging and trusting God in the bleakest of situations. Only then can we experience “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding.” [26]
THE ACCEPTABLE YEAR OF THE LORD
One of the most refreshing revelations drawn from knowing God is realizing that there is nothing I have to do to make my life special. I cannot add to my uniqueness, nor can I diminish God’s one-of-a-kind plan for my life. All of His intentions toward me far exceed my expectations and, contrary to conventional wisdom, I have never disillusioned God. Why? Because He has never had any illusions about me to begin with. He is fully aware of my assets and liabilities; my strengths and weaknesses.
More than anyone who has ever known me, God is fascinated with my life. This fact, if fully received, provides perhaps the greatest sigh of relief for those of us who have at one time thought we have disappointed God, believing the lie that we had to earn His approval. The truth is: God’s seal of approval is on our lives from conception to the grave. As Romans 8:35 clearly states “…nothing can separate us from the love of Christ.”
THE ROOT ISSUE
After the impoverished single mom tells Elijah she has no more food, he encourages her with the Word of the Lord, “For thus says the Lord God of Israel: ‘The bin of flour shall not be used up, nor shall the jar of oil run dry, until the day the Lord sends rain on the earth.’ ” [27] It takes faith, both to say this and to hear it! “So she went away and did according to the word of Elijah; and she and he and her household ate for many days.” [28] The widow had faith to obey the word of the Lord, and God miraculously provided flour and oil for her.
At one point Jesus, obeying the Father, stuck his fingers in a deaf man’s ears. That was big, but what followed was bigger. Jesus then took spittle and, placing it on His own fingers, put it on the man’s tongue because he could not speak either. Now, putting fingers in deaf ears and spittle on mute tongues may be just another day at the office for some people, but for most of us that level of obedience would set a world record. Unless we are willing to do the ridiculous, we may never experience the miraculous.