How to Quit Drinking On Your Own
Discover the techniques used by thousands of people who have quit drinking without going to rehab!
Mary Ellen Barnes PhD
&
Edward W. Wilson, PhD
.
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2012, Mary Ellen Barnes and Edward W. Wilson, Y.E.S Inc.
All rights reserved.
Notice: This eBook is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via email, thumb drive, network, printout or any other means to a person other than the original purchaser is a violation of international copyright law.
No part of this eBook may be reproduced in any form, by any means (including electronic, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the publishers.
Published by:
Your Empowering Solutions, Inc. (Y.E.S Inc.)
4020 Palos Verdes Drive North, Suite 201
Rolling Hills Estates, CA 90274
310-541-6350
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: What Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t
Chapter 2: Understanding the Process of Change
Chapter 8: Putting It All Together
Chapter 10: Long and Short Term Supports
Chapter 11: Additional Information
Introduction:
Warning!
As with any modification, you should not significantly alter your drinking without first consulting your doctor. Cessation of drinking can lead to withdrawal symptoms which may range from mild to life threatening. Do not take unnecessary risks while attempting to improve your health.
When it comes to alcohol abuse, “how to quit drinking on my own” is one of the most common search phrases typed into Google. Given what comes up in response, you'd think that people never quit drinking alcohol without attending an expensive treatment program for 30, 60, or even 90 days.
The reality, however, is that far more people stop abusing alcohol on their own than by going to treatment or by joining AA and other similar 12-Step based groups. Yes, far more of you leave alcohol abuse and dependence behind without outside help than with it. But many must have help, for a variety of reasons.
The National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions, the largest and most comprehensive look at alcohol use in America, has convinced even nationally recognized addiction experts that they've been too narrow in their approach to fixing alcohol disorders. The project surveyed 43,000 people 18 and older in 2001 and 2002, and again in 2004 and 2005. Perhaps the most remarkable finding of the study was how many Americans experienced an alcohol-use disorder (either abuse or the more severe dependence) at some point -- and how many recovered on their own. About 30% of Americans had experienced a disorder, the research showed, but about 70% of those quit drinking or cut back to safe consumption patterns without treatment after four years or less. Only 1% of those surveyed fit the stereotypical image of someone with severe, recurring alcohol addiction who has hit the skids. The traditional treatment model used in the United States, Canada and Australia, is designed for this 1%.
70% quit on their own or cut back to healthful levels without treatment! Why don't we hear about these successes? Mostly because those of us who've left drinking behind don't have any need - or any wish - to advertise it. We take a "been there, done that" stance, just as ex-smokers do, and have no need to become evangelists for some cult, fad or fashion. But this fact remains, many of those who would like to quit on their own, don’t know how.
Our success in kicking the habit is quiet, personal, and permanent, and yours can be too. So what's the trick? Amazingly, there is no trick, magic bullet, wand, formula, or group.
There are techniques that help, especially in the first days, weeks, and months, but they probably aren't what you'd expect. Support is available - but, again, not where you'd usually think to look.
This little book contains everything you need to plan and execute your successful escape from alcohol abuse.
Finally, your chances of succeeding on your own are much better than the 2%-5% success rate that joining AA or going to AA/12 Step based treatment provides. Anywhere from 10 to 30 times better!
Why? Because you are looking to do this "on your own" which means you have already assumed responsibility for your alcohol abuse and for ending it. That puts you miles ahead of programs based on the long debunked disease model of powerlessness and life long "recovery."
In fact, the # 1 predictor of successfully eliminating alcohol abuse is the belief that you can! It also helps to have a supportive spouse or family member and short-term professional help, if you need it.
What are the top three predictors of failure?
* Believing you are powerless to change.
* Joining any group that espouses powerlessness and “life-long” recovery.
* Continuing to do the same old behavior patterns but trying to do them without drinking.
“Sheila”, 49, a project manager from Montana, who came to see us in Los Angeles, is a case in point. "I'd gone to Alanon when I was 13 looking to escape my parents' drinking. I was told I was already an alcoholic with a terminal and progressive disease, even though I'd never had a drink, and that I'd have to be "in recovery" for the rest of my life. Needless to say, I became a drunk - until you pointed out that that was a huge lie and that my drinking was a choice." Armed with the reality she could make a different choice, and with a bit of short term help, she’s been sober ever since.
Stories like this abound. We have learned what works from our own experience in escaping alcohol abuse, but also from listening to others too, who have succeeded in stopping without assistance and from our work with hundreds of our own clients over the past 30 years.
We've read the research and conducted a fair amount of our own. The result is that we know how to help you leave drinking behind without joining a cult, calling yourself names, or hanging out with losers who intend to keep drinking.
Imagine that! You'll become an ex-drinker and not an endlessly recovering alcoholic. That's what this eBook is all about.
Just by the virtue of having downloaded this eBook, you are declaring that you're ready. You are going to embark on a voyage of discovery into becoming an ex-drinker. Prepare for surprises, and as we begin, keep your sense of humor intact, and your belief in your ability to change.
Let's start by looking at what those of us who are successful ex-drinkers know that you don't.
Chapter 1:
What Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don't
People who have successfully quit drinking on their own aren't any smarter than you are. They simply haven't been confused by the common myths that have sprouted like weeds from a treatment industry that has, over 50 years, had little success. If you buy their stories you're probably doomed to actually increasing your alcohol abuse, or, at best, a lifetime of demeaning “recovery.”
Ex-drinkers don't go there. Not to AA, and not to AA/12 Step based programs. Why not? Because their programs propagate success-destroying myths. On the other hand, “alcoholics” do go there, and stay. That is why they are “in recovery” for the rest of their lives.
So, what are these success destroying myths? Here are the top 5:
*
Myth #1:
You are powerless over alcohol.
If you've ever attended an AA meeting, one of the first things you’ll hear is that you’re powerless over alcohol. Just when you’ve finally taken the initiative to do something about your drinking problem, you’re told you’re powerless. But are you truly powerless? Is it even helpful to see yourself that way?
Does this basic principle of AA apply to you? Or is it complete nonsense?
Are you truly out of control in other aspects of your life? For over 90% of us the answer is a resounding NO. Like all of us, you’ve experienced both success and disappointment. But this is not being powerless. It’s living and learning.
Remember, even with an alcohol problem, you're no more helpless today than in the past, and no less able to change your drinking behavior than any other behavior. But once you’re hooked on the idea that you’re a victim and that the only people who can help you are those offering defeatist myths, how much progress do you think you’ll make?
When “Jack”, a banker from Colorado, came to see us several years after going through an expensive residential program in Utah, he told us: "All I really learned in treatment was how to manipulate the people around me, 'I can't help it!' I'd wail. 'I have a disease and I'm powerless' I'd escape to AA meetings and avoid life and responsibilities and everything else. That whole package was a drunk's dream come true. But it's a lie and eventually I wanted my life back. You helped me dig myself out of that terrible hole."
Yes, you actually do, however, have the power to change, just like “Jack” did.
Do you want to be someone who is in charge of your life and on the track to success? If so, you’re thinking is going in the right direction and you can achieve your goals. The real “first step” is to ignore the idea that you’re powerless.
The research is clear: people who believe they are “powerless” are far more prone to relapse into destructive drinking than those who don’t, and they actually increase their binge rate four to seven times after they “admit they were powerless.” This admission is simply a license to binge.
*
Myth #2:
You Have An Incurable Progressive Disease!
If you have ever been to alcohol rehab or AA or talked to almost anybody about alcoholism, you have probably noticed that nearly everybody immediately puts on solemn faces and then they say “Well, you know, it’s a disease. You’ll need to stay “clean and sober” for the rest of your life, or it will kill you.” Wrong! There is no evidence that it’s a disease and ample evidence that it isn’t progressive.
“Lisa”, a realtor from Minnesota, had walked out of a 30-day program at home and headed here to L.A. to work with us: "How could drinking too damn much be an 'incurable, progressive disease' when I've been drinking exactly the same amount for over twenty years?” With our help “Lisa” sorted out the habits and patterns, and replaced them with a new and more interesting life for herself.
Alcohol abuse and alcohol dependence (“alcoholism”) are symptoms that something in your life is not working for you. Your coping mechanisms have gotten out of control. You are using alcohol to "fix" loneliness, boredom, anxiety, and/or a host of other negative feelings.
Yes, it’s easy to forget that alcohol is a drug, and as its popularity shows, it’s an extremely effective one. It reduces anxiety and tension with speed and effectiveness - all with the availability other drugs can’t hope to match.
So stop thinking about alcohol abuse as a disease; instead, recognize that it is a symptom of other things in your life that are not working. Drinking too much is a behavior that needs to be eliminated. You eliminate other behaviors all of the time, you can do the same with alcohol.
You might be asking, “So where’d this ‘disease of alcoholism’ come from?” Partially it came from treatment programs hoping to cash in on medical insurance - if it’s a disease; insurance should pay to treat it. But insurance companies were quick to realize that “disease” based alcohol recovery programs don’t work, so they quit, or greatly limited, paying for them.
Alcohol “disease” treatment has remained popular as a business model because the disease concept provides an “out” for people who wish to continue an alcohol centered life under the guise of being “powerless” victims. People who wish to maintain their destructive behaviors can escape the criticism of spouses, employers, and judges while they “work their program.” You have to admit there is some appeal there.
Still, if you actually want to fix your life, the “disease” model simply becomes a stumbling block, one which, if you embrace it, will kill you. You will just keep going to meetings, relapsing, bingeing, and “recovering” to the end, never realizing that quitting is a choice you could have exercised.
Since you bought this book, it appears you want to be a fully functional person with control over your life. So skip being powerless! Skip thinking you have a disease!
*
Myth #3:
You Must "Hit Bottom" First!
“Hitting Bottom” is a very destructive myth. Why would you wait until after you’ve lost everything to seek help? At that point, why would you bother to sober up?
Suppose for a moment that alcohol abuse actually were a disease. Then we’d be interested in prevention, regular checkups, early detection and...wait a minute…early detection? What happened to “hitting bottom?”
“Louis”, an M.D. from N.Y.C., found us late one night on the internet, and flew out to enjoy a break from the New York winter. We helped him evaluate and redesign his day-to-day life, "I’m a physician and to me, waiting until a condition becomes terminal before treating it is the height of stupidity. I'm doing what I advise my patients to do - getting help early while conditions are still reversible and learning not to let things become problematic again!"
With actual illnesses, we don’t wait until the patient is nearly dead before beginning treatment. Treatment is begun, good follow-up maintains progress, and changes in the patient’s life are implemented to sustain the recovery. That’s an effective model.
It shouldn’t be surprising that this same process works well for diverting you from alcohol abuse and dependence. Trouble is, people have been discouraged - by mythology, stigma, and “lifelong recovery” - from fixing the problem in the early stages when complete remission is not only possible, but likely, and straightforward.
How did that happen? AA/12-Step based programs make a common mistake - they generalize from themselves. And generalizing from a tiny number of terminal alcoholics to drinkers in general, simply goes too far.