Caesar's Demonic Fourway
By
Annabel Bastione
SMASHWORDS EDITION
Copyright © 2012 by Annabel Bastione
* * * * *
The pounding in my head finally jolted me into consciousness, but just barely. The world became black for a second before I saw a light shine into my darkness. Focus Caesar, FOCUS! My mind yelled at my body, willing myself to wake up. I could have been in danger yet my mind and my body were like two different entitles now. I simply could not seal the disjoint between the two.
Get up.
Was that a tiny voice in my head speaking to me? Who was it? What did it wan-
GET UP!
There it was again. Was my mind playing tricks on me? A million questions raced through my consciousness as I struggled to separate the real from the illusion. There was no answer to my thoughts, stripping away every worthless muse in my mind, I allowed only the desire to wake from this bitter unconsciousness to move me, to rouse me, to WAKE ME UP.
My eyes opened. A flood of light rushed into my retinas, dilating my irises. I instantly shut them again, try again much more slowly. The light now entered bit by bit and I found myself adapting much better to my new environment.
I touched my skin, assessing how much body heat had escaped from me into the cold, hard floor. It was smooth, with elaborate patterns of spirals and swirls adorning the brimstone tiles. Mustering my strength, I grit my teeth, enduring the creak of my joints as I pushed myself up into a seating position.
That was when I saw them, the three of them.
They each stood behind a gigantic lectern arranged in a circle around me. Each lectern towered above me many times my height, the three beings standing behind them seemed small, far off. But behind their symbols of power, they stood tall, mighty, and fearless as I felt their gaze upon me. They met my curious eyes, sending a powerful sense of foreboding down my spine. What was this place?
"Mortal…"
I jumped. Who was that? The voice, loud and powerful, seemed to pierce into my very soul. My ankles groaned and my knees loudly protested as I willed my tired body to stand up. The very least I could do to save the honor of Caesar would be to meet death standing.
Oh wait, I already died. Well, to meet whatever fate threw at me I supposed.
"Who are you?" I questioned. My voice cracked and I coughed violently. I needed water, even if I could not die, my mind would be filled with desires to sate my thirst and that state would be worse than simply ceasing to exist.
"Water, please." I pleaded as my voice gradually dropped into barely audible whisper.
The being behind the right most lectern nodded at the other two.
Before my very eyes, I watched as a glass of what seemed to be water gradually materialized from thin air. I grabbed it and gulped it down hastily, not caring for whatever liquid it was. I desperately hoped that just the act of drinking something would temporarily quench the blazing thirst that was itching to burst forth and occupy every thought in my mind.
It was water. Oh sweet, sweet water. It gave life to my parched lips and soothingly patched up the soreness in my throat. My eyes lit up as that need gradually faded away from my consciousness. I was now readier for whatever the future threw at me.
The three beings looked down upon me as I drank and now that I was done, they continued to stare. It was as if they were searching for something within me, as if they were judging me.
"Who are you? Where am I? What happened?" my tongue moved quickly, building a barrage of questions to launch in the direction of the giant lecterns.
"Mortal…" an overwhelming voice from the right most lectern flooded my ears.
"You are in the Hall of Judgment," a similarly powerful voice coming from the centre lectern, albeit with a different timbre to it continued.
"And you will be judged by us…" the third voice blared itself at me from the left lectern.
Wow, these guys are united, or they could just have had a lot of practice, I thought as my mind raced for a suitable response.
"Judge me? For what? Where's c'Hard-on and Sexberus? Sexberus promised to take me to see Gaydes!"
"Again with the questions," the centre voice sighed, "yes, we know of your little deal with Sexberus, and yes we know where your 'friends' are. But you might want to pay attention to what's in front of you now."
"You will be judged. For what do you did in life, and what you can do in death," the right most voice boomed.
"Nice, how clichéd-ly cryptic for a bunch of senile retards hiding behind their bastions of faux influence and power," I sneered.
"SILENCE, MORTAL!" all three voices boomed simultaneously. My feet was swept into the air by the combined force of their voices as I found myself being flung back quite a distance.
"How dare you…"
"You! A mere mortal…"
"Insolence! We will not stand for this insolence!"
Their voices once distinct, now settled into a collective muddled mess of disgruntled tones. I covered my ears with my palms, trying to salvage what semblance of hearing I had left before realizing their voices were growing softer and softer.
A feeling of sheer dread filled my heart. Did I really go deaf? I uncovered my ears, rapping my knuckles on the ground. The dull thud of this application of force had never seemed so much like music to my ears. So I could still hear, then did their voices die down? I looked up.
The three figures behind the lecterns now stood in front of me.
Words fail to describe fully the monstrosity that was their appearance. The one on the left looked like a normal person enough, until you noticed he had only one foot supporting his body from the centre. The middle one looked humanoid too, but had a mass of tentacles replacing his arms. Lastly, the demon on the right… seemed entirely normal. He seemed human enough, at least from what I could see of him. Hiding much of his body behind some sort of strange garment, I could only assume he was humanoid, but there was no telling what was beneath his clothes. Suddenly he threw his garments off. I puked in horror as I watched a deformed creature emerge from the demon's stomach.
"By Jupiter, I can only wonder what your mothers looked like," I choked.
My eyes were forced shut by the great amount of light they emitted from their bodies now. When it finally subsided, I found myself staring at three elderly looking men in robes.
"There, better for you now?" The one of the left sneered.
"You humans are always so shallow, judging everything by appearance alone," the centre continued.
I would have replied how much of a fallacy the centre demon had just committed and maybe question the supposed correlation between his age and wisdom, but I had just proved his point when my puking finally stopped. It would be wiser for me to keep silent and evaluate the situation.
"W-who are you?" I asked, feeling a slight tremble in my body.
"Mehfisto!" the one on the right proclaimed.
"Beezelblowjub!" the one on the left followed.
I looked at the centre demon expectantly.
He sighed, "my real name is Dickablo, but many call me Lucifuck."
Now that he looked like a kindly old man, he didn't seem that menacing, I felt almost sorry for him.
"Ave demons, you are talking to the mighty Gaius Julius Caesar, Dicktator of Rome and all of the Holy Roman Empire… until this morning," I sighed, looking at the centre demon.
"But I thought, when you reached the Hall of Judgement, you will be greeted by Minos, Aeacus and Rhadamanthus…" I asked as my burning curiosity got the better of me.
"Your priesssssts do not know the whole truth," Mehfisto hissed and spat angrily, "how dare they spread such liessss about what the underworld issss?"
"Uh, right, well… How would you like me to address you?" I asked the centre demon in the kindliest manner I could muster.
His eyes lit up. I supposed after thousands of years of boring work and following convention, no one really knew him for who he really was anymore. I believed a little empathy would go a long way to help my situation.
"I'd rather you call me Dickablo, mortal."
"And I'd rather you call me 'o mighty Caesar'."
"Mighty?" Dickablo questioned with an eyebrow raised.
"Well…" I considered, "in light of recent circumstances, I suppose I am more of a mortal than a mighty person."
"I'm glad you know your place in this realm, mortal Caesar."
"No, actually I don't," I replied resolutely.
"A man is measured by their character and their actions, past and future, not by their current situation."
The demons before me smiled.
"You… you passssed the first tesssst." Mehfisto hissed, his voice slithering in my ears.
"There lies one more trial ahead of you before we pass our judgment upon you," Beezelblowjub continued.
"What is it?" I asked, ready for anything.
I could barely contain my excitement when the three demons disrobed in front of me, revealing their erect, wrinkly cocks. If they were shape-shifters, imagine the sexual possibilities one could have! I joyfully thought as my blood boiled from the arousal, rushing down to make my cock harder.
Looking at their bodies, I could almost guess what the second trial was.