Bartlett’s Rule
by Chelle Cordero
Copyright 2008 Chelle Cordero
Published by: Vanilla Heart Publishing on Smashwords
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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Dedication
To Mark
Your arms are the safest place in the universe.
Bartlett's Rule was named one of Carolyn Howard-Johnson's Top Ten Reads for 2009.
Chelle Cordero specializes in writing stories combining passion and suspense. She currently has eight novels, a writing instruction book, and short stories in five anthologies. She also authors a weekly Amazon Kindle blog available by subscription at http://bit.ly/pILcG and is a journalist with several magazines and newspapers in North America. Chelle Cordero was recently featured in "50 Great Writers You Should Be Reading" published by The Author’s Show. Ms. Cordero is also a partner with her husband in By-Lines, an editorial and photography company catering to the business community.
She lives in New York's lower Hudson Valley with her husband of nearly 36-years, their son and three precocious cats; their daughter, son-in-law and their precocious cat live nearby. Along with her entire family, Chelle dedicates time to her local ambulance corps, and responds as an E.M.T. and serves on the Board of Directors.
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank a very special group of people for allowing me the opportunity to live in my “fantasy world” and pen characters like Lon and Paige. I am lucky to be surrounded by wonderfully encouraging people.
Special thanks to my wonderful kids, Jenni and Marc for always finding a way to make me laugh. Thank you to my sister Bobi whose first words whenever I tell her of a new accomplishment are “I knew you could do it”. Thanks to my BFF’s Cheryl and Jamie for letting me rattle on in all my excitement when I create a new character or a new twist in one of my stories.
My deepest gratitude to Barbara Moroch, my editor at the Journal News and long-time friend for always believing in me and tossing work my way.
Last but not least, thank you to Kimberlee Williams from VHP who really made my dream come true.
Table of Contents
Facts About Rape and Sexual Assault
“He is a pompous ass!”
“I agree. But he is also a big name and he has to be kept happy if we are going to pull this acquisition off successfully.”
Paige sat and fumed. She couldn’t believe that Jeanmarie was asking her to charm and entertain this male chauvinist pig who penned a weekly column on how men were God’s gift to women.
“Why can’t you just buy him dinner and tickets to a Broadway show for him and one of his many adoring hordes?”
“Excuse me?” Jeanmarie grinned mischievously.
“I said hordes.” Paige emphasized the “D” sound. “Seriously, I’m sure that Lon Bartlett would prefer to choose his own company for the evening.”
“Paige that would be fine if we were just sending some executive a simple holiday remembrance but we need to court this publication. And if we want the publisher happy, we make his star writer happy.” She looked down at her phone as if trying to hurry the young woman from her office. “This requires a more personal touch. Take him out, wine and dine him. Do whatever you have to and make him happy.”
Slowly a frown settled on Paige’s face. “I hope you’re not suggesting...”
Jeanmarie laughed suddenly. “Oh gosh no! All I want you to do is schmooze with him a little bit. Make sure his evening is pleasant.” She stopped and stared at the young woman pensively. “You know Paige, a lot of the women in the secretarial pool would die for this chance to spend an evening with a man like Bartlett. This is a great opportunity for you... professionally.”
Paige bit the inside of her cheek to keep from retorting. She spent two years in the secretarial pool waiting for a promotion into the public relations department of this company. Of course though, she thought to herself, the first time she was given an opportunity to prove herself it had to be with someone whose ethics she couldn’t tolerate.
“I just need to know that you can do this Paige.” Jeanmarie had taken a huge personal gamble by pushing Paige’s name when this opening came up.
“I’ll make sure he’s happy.” She nodded even though she was filled with all kinds of self doubts. In reality, Paige wasn’t worried about refusing the man’s possible advances, she was afraid she would be tempted to accept them.
He couldn’t help staring at her through much of dinner. This young girl was an enigma to Lon. She certainly did not seem to fit into any of the stereotypes in his personal rulebook. She was certainly pretty the way the girl next door is with long brown tresses and big chocolate brown eyes.
Lon Bartlett had long ago assigned a ranking system to the women he encountered in his life and had often alluded to that in his weekly column. He was looked up to by the multitude of male readers who bought the magazine where his column was featured for his no-nonsense approach to handling the weaker sex. His draw was strengthened by the fact that he spoke from a reputed vast stockpile of experience.
At first Lon thought her reserve might be fear so he asked her to dance at the club almost as a challenge. He was surprised when she accepted without hesitation. She even allowed him to hold her close, but she was still holding back. It wasn’t often, and certainly not recently, that a woman seemed impervious to Lon Bartlett’s charms. Paige Andrews frustrated him and intrigued him at the same time.
“So, tell me a little about yourself, Paige.” He smiled for her benefit. The entire evening had passed and he knew very little about her. There was no way Lon was willing to get out of the limo, say good night, and still feel so empty. “Personally, I mean. Not business.”
She had done her best to court him for her boss and their conversation through much of the evening had been both relaxed and non-committal. But she felt much more comfortable not including any personal details about either one of them. The tabloids had already provided too much personal information about him. And she already considered him far too dangerous. “There’s not much to say. There’s certainly nothing that’s relevant.” She looked forward at the window that shielded their conversation from the limo driver. The young man was sitting patiently while he waited for a signal from her to open the door for their guest.
“Come on, I know this evening was all a show to keep me happy so your company can buy the magazine.” Lon knew that this purchase would benefit the new publisher even more than it would him so long as he remained on board. “It would make me very happy to know a little bit more about the woman Paige Andrews.”
This was what she had promised Jeanmarie. “And if I tell you my life history, will I be able to tell my bosses that you will remain on the masthead?” She found herself getting lost in the depths of his silvery grey eyes.
He chuckled. “Wow, you really do stay focused. Just how far would you be willing to go to keep me happy?” Lon noticed that Paige suddenly looked guarded. The smile she had been wearing, even if a bit reserved, faded. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to pressure you into anything improper. I didn’t mean it that way.” He didn’t understand why her retreat bothered him so much.
It took a few moments before Paige was able to meet his eyes again. But even Lon could see she was wearing a mask. She sighed. “I grew up in upstate New York on a farm. I have two older brothers. I also have a baby sister. I went to a community college here in the city and studied business. Until six-weeks ago I worked in the secretarial pool at By-Lines Publishing. I just earned a promotion into their Public Relations department. And when my boss called me into her office yesterday to tell me I had to wine and dine you, I balked.”
Lon laughed. “I take it you are not a fan.” Not many women were quite that frank around him.
“No.” There was no hesitation. “Did I make you happy?” She smiled for his benefit.
He just smiled back at her. “I like your honesty although I am wounded that you aren’t an adoring fan.” She looked away again. “Why did you decide to move to the city?”
Paige swallowed. “I got engaged and my fiancé wanted to live here.”
“Oh.” He looked down at her left hand and didn’t see any ring. “Are you still engaged? Or married?” Lon was hoping the answer was no and he was pleased when she shook her head. “What happened?”
“That’s none of your business.” Paige hadn’t meant to snap. She caught her breath. “I’m sorry. I just would rather not discuss that.”
“I’m sorry if I intruded. But I am still happy the answer was no.” He noticed the surprise in her eyes. “May I see you again?”
She wasn’t prepared for his request. “Uh, I’d have to speak to Jeanmarie and...”
“No.” He cut her off. “You misunderstood me. I wasn’t asking about business. I’m asking you out on a date. Me man, you woman, we go out.”
“Uh...”
“A simple yes would be nice.” Lon smiled teasingly as he ran a finger along her cheek. “I like you and I would like to get to know you better.” He leaned forward and placed a very light kiss on her lips. “Friday night... dinner and maybe a movie. I’ll call you tomorrow at your office to get your address.”
It wasn’t until Lon had swung the door closed behind him that Paige realized she had never signaled the driver to open the rear door. She also realized that she had never told him she would go out with him. But she knew she would.
The next morning when Paige entered the modular cubicle she called her office, there was s very large bouquet of daisies on her desk.
“Bravo.” Jeanmarie appeared right behind her. “You obviously charmed him quite nicely.” She smiled in approval at the vase of flowers. “I got the call this morning. So long as the numbers crunch right, Bartlett is staying on board. I knew you could pull it off.”
Paige shrugged. “I’m glad, but I really don’t think I did anything.” She noticed a note card sticking out of the bouquet and reached for it. As she opened the card she looked towards Jeanmarie inquisitively. “Did you?... Oh.” She refolded the card as soon as she saw Lon’s name scrawled across it.
“Secret admirer?” Jeanmarie’s curiosity was piqued.
Shrugging nonchalantly, Paige tried to ignore the anxious feeling she felt in her stomach. “Mr. Bartlett just sent a note to say he enjoyed himself last night.” She didn’t tell the other woman that the note really said, “Looking forward to Friday, Lon”.
It was just after lunchtime when her phone rang. Paige reached across her desk to answer. “Paige Andrews, may I help you?”
“I hope so.” The velvet timbre of his voice was unmistakable. “I can’t stop thinking about this young lady I met last night. I needed to know if she’s thinking about me at all.”
It took her a few seconds to catch her breath and collect her thoughts. “It’s hard not to think about you with this huge bouquet sitting on my desk.”
He chuckled and the sound sent ripples of excitement along her spine. “Did you like them?”
“Like? Oh, the flowers. They’re beautiful.” She gazed at the bouquet that was the source of office gossip that day. “But you didn’t need to...”
“You seemed so nervous last night when I asked you out. I wanted to offer you some refuge.”
She was confused. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s a Roman myth that a beautiful nymph caught the eye of a god, but she wanted to escape. So she turned herself into a daisy and hid amongst the flowers in the forest.” He paused. She heard him take a deep breath. “I’m glad you didn’t turn into a daisy.”
Paige was very happy that she never stopped to take lunch, her stomach was doing flip-flops. “I guess I missed my chance to escape then.”
“Most definitely.”
She got the feeling that he was challenging her. In defense, she tried for a bit of brevity. “Of course you’re not egotistical at all comparing yourself to a god.”
He laughed. His laughter sounded so delicious to Paige and she was totally confused. How could a laugh sound delicious?
“I think I really like you Paige Andrews. I know I’m going to enjoy your company.”
No matter how many times she told herself he was too dangerous for her, Paige couldn’t manage to refuse to see him that Friday night. She offered to meet him at the restaurant. At least, Paige figured, she would manage to keep some distance between them by arriving and leaving separately. But Lon explained he was looking forward to a chance to use his car. He usually kept it garaged and enjoyed it when he got to drive it.
She had barely hung up the phone when Jeanmarie paged her into her office. Paige was given the task of helping to announce the upcoming merger and Bartlett’s arrival at By-Lines Publishing. The first order of business was researching Bartlett’s personal history for a feature story to introduce him in the magazine.
Every detail that Paige unearthed convinced her even more that he was the kind of lothario that she had learned to detest. His reputation for seduction was unnerving. Even though he was adored by women and celebrated by men for his sexual expertise, Paige was convinced that his renowned exploits were no more admirable than any other dog in heat.
Friday night she made sure to greet Lon on the sidewalk when he drove his BMW coupe to pick her up for their date. His look of surprise should have felt victorious but instead she felt his disappointment. Lon stepped around the car to open the door for her.
“I’d like to think that you were just anxious to see me.” His rough voice felt like a caress. “But I get the feeling that... that you were wary of being alone with me.”
She refused to let him know how close he was to the truth. “Nonsense. I have no reason to be scared of you. I just know how difficult parking can be some nights.”
He wordlessly glanced at a few open parking spaces along the block. Shifting his eyes back to her, he simply nodded. After he was once again seated in the driver’s seat, Lon turned to her and asked earnestly, “I hope you like Japanese food.” He actually looked worried until she nodded. “I’ve got a favorite little restaurant downtown I’d like to take you to.”
“Sounds good.” She wondered if his concern was only an act, just part of his seduction technique. “So long as I can use a fork and knife. I haven’t managed to master chopsticks yet.” She smiled to cover her nervousness.
He looked at her quietly for a moment. Then he spoke softly. “I’d like to teach you.” His eyes lingered for a moment more and then he turned his attention to pulling the car away from the curb. “Japanese chopsticks are actually smaller than what most people are used to... but I’ll make sure you get a fork so you can enjoy your food.”
Lon felt confused. Paige was a pretty young lady but he’d seen more beautiful women. So why couldn’t he stop thinking about her ever since their business dinner date? Every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was Paige Andrews. He’d had the opportunity to date many attractive women, some of them were set-ups by his agent designed to boost his image. He really wanted to get to know this woman. It wasn’t enough just to be seen with her in public.
They were both silent for the ride to the restaurant. The only conversation in the car was between Lon and the female voice of the GPS navigation system. He stopped in front of the restaurant and handed his keys to the valet.
At the entrance to the restaurant, Lon explained the significance of the restaurant’s simple name, O-Tei. “The story of O-Tei is about two lovers who were fated to be together, even after she died. The girl O-Tei was reincarnated and met her betrothed seventeen years after he promised to wait for her. They married and lived happily ever after and she never even remembered her former life.” He gently cupped her elbow and ushered her into the restaurant.
Paige was intrigued by his knowledge of folklore. She was also discomfited by the romantic ambiance and solitude of the semi-private room they were seated in. Even though Lon was a big man, he sat gracefully on pillows at the low Japanese style table set with woven placemats. The hostess brought a pair of wet face towels to them to freshen with before eating. Cups of steaming green tea were set before them. With her consent, Lon ordered for the two of them rolling traditional names off his tongue as if it were his native language.
Sipping from her cup of green tea, Paige looked at him.
“Is everything okay?” She nodded. “What are you thinking?”
She took another sip of the hot brew to fortify her and put her cup back on the table. “I was wondering who you really are? Somehow your reputation as a playboy doesn’t fit with the man who recites Japanese tales and Roman mythology.”
“And why not?”
She suppressed a chuckle. “It’s too deep.”
He frowned and then sighed. “Is there anything I could do to help raise your opinion of me?”
“Ouch.” Paige grimaced. “I’m sorry. I’m being too critical.”
He was surprised by her apology. “Maybe my publicist has done too thorough a job. Trust me Paige, it’s all image. I’m not really a player.”
“Lon, you’re known for the art of seduction...”
“Are you afraid I’m going to seduce you?” He couldn’t deny that he had thought of it.
She paused and answered him with more bravado than she actually felt. “I’m convinced you are going to try.”
He laughed gently. “How about I make a promise to you?” Lon reached across the table and took her hand in his. “I won’t even try any moves until our... our third date.”
She glanced briefly at their joined hands. “Does this mean you are asking me out again?”
“It means I hope you will accept again.” He gently caressed her hand, it felt so small in his own. Paige finally nodded and he smiled.
The waitress served their soup and appetizer before Paige could answer. She was quietly grateful. She gingerly tasted the steaming bowl of miso soup that was placed before her.
Somehow Lon knew that he should be quiet so he simply smiled. The appetizer of tuna roll, sushi and sashimi for two was served in delicate little dishes and arranged like a piece of expensive artwork. He chuckled at her vain attempt to use chopsticks but before he could reach over the table to help her, she put them down and picked up her fork.
After dinner, he took her to a small theatre where they saw a newly-released independent film. Their conversation was comfortable and, he noticed regretfully, not entirely personal. At the end of the evening, he walked her to her door, waited while she unlocked it, then just leaned over and gave her a very chaste and light kiss. Then he told her he would call her the next day.
Before the end of the week, Lon’s office was set up at By-Lines Publishing and they saw each other nearly every day. Paige insisted on keeping their dates a secret in the office. The following Friday he took Paige bowling. The Friday after that he took her to the theatre to see a musical comedy. She invited him up to her apartment that night when he brought her home.
Surprised and delighted, he wanted to be sure he wasn’t misunderstanding her intention. “Are you sure?”
Paige paused and took a moment before she looked up at him. “You were good to your word. You didn’t make any moves and this is our third date.”
He gently caught her arm and stopped. “Hey, we didn’t have any... business arrangements. I admit, I want to come up to your apartment and I would love to spend the night. But you aren’t obligated.” He frowned when she looked at his hand on her arm. “Is this what you want, Paige?”
She took a breath in and avoided looking into his eyes. “Are you prepared for us to... you know.”
Lon let go of her arm. He wanted her, he wanted her badly. “I’m prepared.” But was he prepared to be altruistic enough if this wasn’t what Paige really wanted? “Let’s go upstairs.” He was ashamed of himself as he realized he was going to take what she was offering.
Paige forced a smile for his benefit but even he could see it wasn’t real. She wordlessly turned and started up the stairs to her apartment. He followed her quietly.
As Paige put her key in the lock, Lon rested his hand on her shoulder. His voice was gentle. “Paige, are you sure this is okay?”
She paused with her hand on the key and still facing the door, she nodded. Then she opened the door and let him in.
Lon glanced briefly around the living room. Paige had left a dim light on near the door so she wouldn’t return home to darkness. She put her purse and jacket on a chair and took his hand. She led him into her bedroom.
He reached for the switch on her night table lamp.
“Leave it dark.” Paige left the door to the other room open so a faint glow illuminated the outlines of the things in the room.
The glow silhouetted her figure as she removed her clothing. Lon watched quietly. His desire for her was nearly greater than his sense that something was amiss. When she was naked she approached him and began to unbutton his shirt.
He drew in a deep breath and put his hand on top of hers. “Paige, I want to be with you so much.” He drew a second ragged breath. “You are making it extremely difficult to... be rational. Sweetheart, I won’t be mad if you say no, but I need to be sure you are doing this because you want to.”
He could feel her eyes on him in the dark. She barely whispered. “It’s okay.”
Trembling as she slid his open shirt off of him, Lon felt his control waning. He tried to convince himself that it felt wrong only because it wasn’t the usual seduction he always initiated. Paige was the one in control. It was almost too automatic. There was no foreplay, no passion. But when he felt her slide his zipper down and felt the soft caress of her hand against him, he felt a total loss of control.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him for a kiss. The feel of her silky skin against his hair roughened chest delighted him and he held her tighter. She smelled like vanilla. Vanilla was certain to become his favorite.
The strength of his embrace surprised Paige and she tried to take a step back. He plunged his tongue into her mouth and she pushed against his shoulders for release.
Releasing her, he frowned in the dark. “Did I hurt you?”
“No... No.” She quickly caught her breath. She took his hand again. “Let’s get on the bed.”
Lon expected to lie next to her, to take his time caressing her. He had planned to explore her body. He wanted to satisfy her before he took his own enjoyment. Instead, Paige lay on her back and guided him to lie on top of her. She wiggled under him and felt his arousal against her.
“Why don’t you put the rubber on?” Paige whispered again.
His eyes were becoming accustomed to the dark and he looked down into her face. She wasn’t looking at him. “No. I’m not ready... You’re not ready.”
“What do you...” Paige gasped as she felt him touch her intimately. Before she could catch her breath to say anything, he covered her mouth with his own and plunged his tongue inside. She squirmed and turned her head to the side. “Lon...”
“Dammit Paige,” he didn’t raise his voice but he sounded perplexed. “I want this to be more than just feeling like I’m using you to jerk off.” He gently held her wrists above her head and nipped at the side of her neck. “Let me show you how nice it can be.” His fingers parted her, he heard her panting. “Just relax...”
He thought she was being playful as she turned her face away from him. He felt the gentle tug of her arms as he continued to hold her wrists.
“Lon... stop.”
“What?” He raised his head to look at her and was puzzled to see tears in her eyes. “What’s the matter? Am I hurting you?” His fingers had stilled but he still held her beneath him.
Her breathing became more rapid. “Get off of me.”
He realized she wasn’t panting, she was panicking. “What’s the matter Paige?”
“Get off of me.” She sounded terrified.
Lon released her and rolled to his side. Paige scampered off of the bed and slid down against the wall. Her knees were drawn to her chest to hide her nudity. She whimpered.
He snapped on the light and looked at her. “What the hell just happened Paige?” It hurt to sit in his still aroused state as he watched her curiously.
She mumbled something through her tears. The only words he could make out were “I’m sorry.”
“What did you say?” He took the bed sheet with him as he stood to go to her. Lon saw her trembling and stopped short. “Paige? What’s the matter? What did I do?”
Grabbing her knees in front of her tightly, she looked up at him. Her cheeks were streaked with tears. “Why couldn’t you just put the rubber on and do it?”
“What!” He sat heavily on the bed when she didn’t answer him.
She jumped at the sound of his anger. “I’m sorry. I thought it would be okay.”
Lon was completely confused. “Just tell me what the hell happened?” He didn’t yell but he sounded frustrated.
“Please, don’t be angry. I’m sorry… I am so sorry.” Her voice faded and she trembled.
Lon stood. His intention was to go to her and reassure her. He saw her flinch. Sighing, Lon reached for his pants and sat on the edge of the bed as he put them on. He took his time while he watched her. She had her arms wrapped around her knees and looked down. She was uncomfortable under his watchful eyes.
After a few more moments, Lon stood again and brought the sheet over to her to cover herself. She seemed grateful as she pulled the fabric around her body.
Lon carefully squatted in front of Paige. “Please tell me that you’re not a virgin.”
She looked at him in surprise and swallowed a laugh. “I am not a virgin.” Then she hid her face.
He shook his head in wonder. “So why were you so scared of me? You’re still scared. I told you we didn’t have to go to bed if you weren’t ready.”
“I wanted to. I really did.” Tears welled in her eyes. “But you held me down…”
“I didn’t.” He shook his head. He had held her wrists but he had never used any strength. “I wasn’t going to hurt you.”
She sniffled. “I know. I am so sorry, Lon. I panicked… and then I just couldn’t stop.” Paige wiped her eyes with the edge of the bed sheet. “I know you think I’m crazy… maybe I am.”
He wasn’t sure what response he should make. Something told him she wasn’t crazy although that would have been a lot easier to deal with. Instead he couldn’t understand why he wasn’t just walking out of there, why he didn’t just walk away. His long legs were cramped from squatting so he stood. Maybe he should just go. If she was reacting like this, maybe he should just protect himself and get out of there. But he didn’t want to go.
“Do you have a robe or something in your closet that you could put on? Something tells me we need to have a talk.” At her nod he went to her closet and pulled out a flannel robe that was hanging there. He handed her the robe and then turned his back while she put it on. When he faced her again, she was standing with the robe held tightly around her. “Let’s get out of the bedroom. Do you have any instant coffee in the kitchen?”
She swallowed hesitantly. “De-caf.”
He rolled his eyes, “Just great.” He walked out of her bedroom and stood just outside of her door until she followed him.
Lon poured boiling water into the coffee mugs on the table. Paige sat quietly with her hands clasped around her mug. He topped off the two mugs with milk and offered her sugar before taking for himself.
“Okay. We need to talk.” Lon sat at the table. He was still shoeless and shirtless. “Why did you… panic?”
She took a scorching sip of hot coffee before she answered. “I felt like I couldn’t move. You were holding my hands, my arms.” She couldn’t escape his inquisition.
“Did you think I was going to, I don’t know, force myself on you?” He saw that she looked away and tears stained her cheeks again. He imagined all kinds of responses. “Paige? Did someone once force himself on you?” She squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip. He could barely find his voice. It was unimaginable. “Were you raped?” There was no gentle way to ask.
The pain in her eyes was all the answer he needed. He was indignant. “When did this happen? Did they catch the guy?” It always angered him when he heard of a man hurting a woman.
Paige felt as if a long time passed before she could answer. “It was almost three years ago. It was my ex-fiancé.” She tried to escape his stare.
“Your fiancé raped you? Why?”
“Ex. And I don’t know why.” She answered him sarcastically. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you. Why should I expect that you would believe me?”
“I didn’t mean…” Lon shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what sick reason he had. He had no right to do that to you.”
Paige looked at him and uttered a confession. “We had been lovers.” She expected to hear him scoff. He didn’t.
“So? Did you have him arrested?”
She was embarrassed again. “I never went to the police.”
He was incredulous. “Why not?”
She nervously swallowed some of her coffee. “Hal and I were engaged for about a year. It wasn’t the first time I had caught him cheating but when I came home to our apartment and found him in our bed with someone else… I told him to get out and I gave him back the ring.”
“You shared a place? Here?”
“No. I moved away from the memories.” Paige found that she was more comfortable talking to Lon than she thought she would be. “We lived together. I paid most of the bills. Hal had trouble holding down a job. He had a gambling problem. So, I threw him out of our apartment after he soiled our bed with an affair.”
“...but if he raped you, why didn’t you have him arrested?”
“Not if. He did rape me.” She was indignant.
“I wasn’t questioning you. I didn’t mean it that way.” Lon was trying very hard to hide his exasperation.
“Sorry.” She looked down.
“Paige,” Lon reached across the table and gently took her hand in his. He was thrilled when she didn’t pull away. “Stop apologizing.” After a while, she looked back up at him. He still held her hand. “Tell me what happened. If that’s okay I mean.”
“Actually, I think it would be cathartic to talk about.” A therapist had told Paige she needed to share her story but Paige hadn’t even been able to tell her everything. “But it could be uncomfortable for you to listen to.”
He smiled gently. “I can be a good listener.”
Paige stared at their joined hands for a moment and then she took her hand back. She missed the feeling of his touch but she also didn’t want to let herself become too used to it. “You have to promise me this won’t wind up in one of your columns.”
“Never.” He shook his head earnestly. “This is too personal. I would never betray you like that.”
Could she actually trust a man not to betray her? Paige was terrified of the answer. She was also confused because she felt the tiny niggling of trust for him.
“Tell me what happened.” He gently coaxed her.
She nodded. Memories flitted through her mind as if the event had just occurred. She swore she could feel the shock and disbelief... and the pain. “Hal was distraught. He begged me to take him back... again. But I couldn’t. He kept calling me but I kept saying no.” She paused unsure whether she could continue, but when she looked at Lon and saw his compassion staring back, she felt stronger. “He was waiting in the apartment one day when I got home from work. I hadn’t thought to change the lock. I didn’t realize he still had a key. He was crying and he begged me to talk, just talk. So I said okay.”
Lon saw Paige glance at the clock over the stove. Her courage seemed to falter. “Take your time. There’s no hurry.”
“We argued again. I asked him to leave. He refused. So I said I was going out for a while and would he please be gone by the time I got back.” She felt the sob build inside her. “I finally went to walk out; he grabbed me just inside the door of the apartment, pushed me to the floor, held me down covering my mouth, pulled my clothes off and entered me. Hal said he was showing me he loved me. It was painful. I must have formed a mental block because although I remember being scared about pregnancy, I honestly couldn't remember or figure out if he used a condom or came in me.”
He suppressed the ripple of anger he felt. “You were in shock.”
“I never thought he would really hurt me and believe it or not, I was afraid in the beginning of the attack to fight back and hurt him. So in some ways, I almost feel as if I let him do what he did because by the time I did start to fully fight, he had me pinned down. I couldn’t get him off of me.”
He waited. She was quiet and just stared at the table top. “What happened next?”
“I... I got up and got dressed and I left. I went to a friend’s house. I thought she was a friend. I was crying so hard. I remember her saying to me ‘Well what did you expect, you never said no to him before.’ The guilt really set in after that and I blamed myself.”
Sighing, Lon realized how Paige had been betrayed twice, once by Hal and once by that so-called friend. “So you didn’t think you had the right to report it as a crime.”
She cried. “She convinced me it was my fault. And I knew I hadn’t fought the way I should have. I waited a while and then I called my apartment to make sure he had gone. I went home and showered. I douched. I tried to wash it away. I even threw out the clothes he had torn off of me.”
Lon stood and started to go to her. Then he thought to ask first. “May I hold you?”
Paige choked back her tears and nodded. “I’d like that.” She stood and went into his arms. It felt good to be comforted.
“Shh.” He held her and soothed her hair away from her face. “None of it was your fault. Hal had no right to do what he did to you.”
“But I didn’t fight him.”
“You trusted him. He betrayed that trust.”
“I... I thought he loved me. He was the first man I had ever been with. We had been sleeping together from before we got engaged. My friend was right, I never told him no.”
“Your so-called friend wasn’t much of a friend. You didn’t do anything wrong, Paige.”
She cried into his shoulder and Lon just held her.
Several minutes later, after Paige seemed calmer, Lon suggested they go sit in her living room. He was thrilled when she cuddled next to him. He kept an arm around her shoulders.
“Paige, I hope you realize, I really do like you. I would like to continue seeing you.” It felt important for Lon to say that. He had enjoyed their evenings out and still hoped that he might be able to build a relationship with her. “It’s important that I know what I did to scare you so. I need to know everything I should and shouldn’t do.”
She sat back from him and looked at his lips, then his eyes. “You must think I’m crazy. You can’t want to be with me after what I did before.”
“But I do.” A friend of his had returned from Iraq and still suffered from post traumatic stress syndrome, he imagined that was a bit of what Paige suffered from. “I’m willing to take things slow, but I do want to continue seeing you. And one day, if you would allow, I would like to make love with you.”
“Why Lon? Do you think you can heal me?”
He shook his head. “Don’t be so cynical. It’s simple, I like you.” He hesitated. “Paige, have you had sex since Hal hurt you?”
“Oh yeah.” She laughed cynically until she cried. “Trust me, you don’t want to be with me.”
“Why don’t you let me decide?”
Paige blew her nose into a tissue she found in her robe pocket. “When Hal and I first got together, my parents weren’t very happy. They are very old fashioned. I don’t remember if it was my dad or my mom who first called me a tramp...”
He was surprised. “In this day and age?” His own parents were retired and living in Florida. He knew he didn’t go visiting them as often as he should, but they still had a pretty good relationship.
“After Hal raped me and I was convinced I had asked for it and that I was a slut...” she shrugged but couldn’t look at Lon. “For the first few months I did my best to live up to my parents’ expectations.”
“Meaning?”
“The counselors say promiscuity is not an uncommon reaction after a rape. I made it a goal.”
Lon sat back and looked at her. He wasn’t sure what to say.
“I went into bars, drank and picked up strangers. I needed to drink so I… couldn’t really think about what I was doing. I tried to convince myself it was just to make sure I was the one making the decision to have sex. But I think I had just begun to believe that I was what my parents and friends thought I was, a tramp. Maybe I thought humiliating myself was punishment for letting Hal do what he did.”
He tried to choose his words carefully. “You said… for a few months. Are you still… uhm, do you…”
She laughed at his discomfort. “Am I still acting like a whore?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to. That’s what I called myself. I did everything but charge for services. I probably would have had more self-respect if I had been a working girl.” Paige moved further away from Lon. “Are you thoroughly disgusted yet?”
The increased distance didn’t go unnoticed. Lon really wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. He just didn’t think she needed anyone condemning her. “I think that you did the things you thought you needed to do. I don’t think anyone knows how they would react after a trauma. And Paige, you were traumatized.”
She stared at him unable to fit his compassion to the image. “Your publicist is really good.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because you aren’t what I expected. You’re supposed to be a notorious womanizer.”
“Wow. It sounds like I moved up a notch or two on the opinion scale.”
Paige sighed. “It’s good that one of us did.”
“Stop. I don’t think less of you.” He touched her cheek. “Paige, what made you, you said you changed after a few months. What happened?”
Paige pulled her knees up in front of her on the couch. “I woke up in a strange motel room one morning. I was alone. I picked up my clothes and took them into the bathroom to take a shower. Lon, there were empty packets from two different brands of condoms. And I couldn’t remember anything. I had no idea who I had been with.”
He grimaced. “Were you drugged?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I was.” She hugged herself tighter. “But I was making bad choices. I was taking risks. So I went to a crisis center. It was the best thing I could have done.”
“You were able to speak to someone…”
“I finally got the help I needed. I learned that I wasn’t the one who did wrong, Hal didn’t have the right to do what he did. I learned that my friend didn’t have the right to pass judgment on me, and I learned I didn’t have to live down to anyone’s expectations. I didn’t have to keep trying to punish myself with my self-destructive behavior.”
“It sounds like you went from being a victim to being a survivor.” Lon had heard that expression once before and he realized how appropriate it was for Paige.
“Yes.” Paige was deeply moved that Lon had listened and never condemned. “Lon, I’ve had two relationships since then. They were healthy and… pleasant.”
He looked worried. “So, why did I scare you so bad? Did I do something to… trigger the memories?”
“I don’t know. I did want to be with you but, I think I was afraid you were going to seduce me and take away any of my control.”
Her admission stunned him. “I’m sorry.” Lon was beginning to detest the image that led to his success. “I am so sorry.”
She reached out to him for a change. “Don’t be. It was me, not you.”
“But if you can only see me as a womanizer...”
“I was afraid you could seduce me because I was so attracted to you. I was afraid of being controlled.”
He stared at her in surprise. “Oh.”
“The last time I was attracted to a man was Hal. I let him be in control.” Her voice was quiet. “I let my guard down with him and I was hurt because of it.”
“But you loved him.”
“I loved the man I thought he was. In some ways I still do, but that man never existed. I know that now.” She rested her hand gently on top of his. “I’m so sorry Lon. It isn’t that I think you are like Hal, I don’t even think you are a bad person even with your image. I just have to protect myself.”
“I understand that. I meant what I said before, I really like you. And I am willing to be as patient as necessary so you can feel safe with me. I want to be with you.”
“Even after everything I told you about... the things I did?”
“What did you do? You survived. And you are here now sitting in front of me. And... you are beautiful.” Paige leaned forward and gave him a tentative hug. “May I spend the night with you?” At her sudden look of worry, he quickly added, “I want to sleep with you. The operative word being sleep. I would just like to hold you and wake up with you in my arms.”
“You’re willing to spend the night in bed with me and not get...”
“Yes.” He saw Paige glance nervously back at her bedroom. “Have you ever just slept with a man? I mean, since Hal?”
She mouthed the word no as she shook her head.
“Tell you what, if at any point during the night you wake scared because I am next to you, just wake me. If my presence scares you, then I will get up and finish the night on your couch. You have my word. I know trust is a lot to ask for, but please Paige.”
“And you would really leave the bed if I woke you? You wouldn’t argue?”
“I would be disappointed, but I wouldn’t argue.”
“And we wouldn’t have sex?”
He smiled. “If you molested me, I probably wouldn’t refuse you. But it would have to be your decision. And it would always remain your right to say no and stop.”
He made it sound so tempting. Could she really believe him? If Hal had left her unable to ever trust again, then she was letting herself be a victim all over again. She nearly jumped when she felt the gentle touch of Lon’s fingers on her cheek.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
She took his fingers and put them back on her cheek. “It’s okay. Lon, would you mind if neither of us was naked tonight?”
He smiled.
During the night, Paige woke and realized how comfortable it was to be sleeping in Lon’s arms. She snuggled spoon-fashion against his chest. Lon placed a light kiss on the top of her head and she fell back asleep.
He made sure to stop in front of her cubicle entrance just long enough for her to look up and catch him smile and wink at her. Paige was on the phone dealing with an advertising client when she spotted him and she was only able to respond with a smile. But that was enough for Lon. They hadn’t brought their relationship into the office.
Paige and Lon had grown closer and they had even shared several sleepovers after their dates. Even though they had progressed to rather heavy petting, Lon was wary of pushing anything further. Some nights after she had fallen asleep, Lon had to leave her bed to spend some time alone in the bathroom. He was doing his best to maintain control and not appear impatient. It was a surprise even to him how long he had been seeing her without having sex. But he had no doubts that she was worth the effort.
The managing editor had summoned him to the office. Lon figured he already knew what it was about. He had been preparing his speech since he handed in his latest column the night before. He had changed over the last few weeks and so did his perspective. It was definitely reflected in his writing.
One of the things Lon had started to struggle with in his mind was the fear that one of his columns may have ever inspired some sick mind to hurt a woman. In the beginning of their relationship, even Paige had referred to him as a womanizer and had been scared that he would seduce her, or worse. Lon didn’t like his image and although he knew that image had led to his success, he had hoped to alter it at least a bit.
He was definitely taken aback when he walked into the editor’s office and was tossed a folded newspaper. It was on page eight, but there he was in black and white and so was Paige. They were having dinner at their favorite Italian restaurant. The caption under the photo was “Is New York’s most eligible bachelor/writer losing his edge and his eligibility?”
“I guess this explains why you’ve been getting soft.” Noah Wilson tented his hands and looked hard at Lon. “How long has this thing with Andrews been going on? Don’t try to deny it, the article mentions it’s not the first time you’ve been seen with her.”
“It’s been a few months, but I don’t understand why I have to explain it. There is nothing going on here at the office.” He hoped he’d get the chance to show the article to Paige before anyone else got to her.
“We bought your image Bartlett. And your image didn’t include a steady girlfriend. And it certainly didn’t include the kind of garbage you’re spewing in your last column here.” Wilson brought Lon’s column up on his computer screen. “Men look up to you. They like how you deal with women. Our male readers want to be Lon Bartlett. You’re almost as good as James Bond.”
“The playboy image gets old. Everyone has to grow up eventually.”
“Hefner has done okay...”
“Women aren’t toys and I never tried to imply that. They are beautiful creatures and they deserve beautiful treatment.” There had been a number of articles written about Hefner’s life. “Even Hef is a romantic and enjoys relationships. He’s had his special ladies.”
“Men want to get laid. Simple. And the readers liked being able to live vicariously through your sex-ploits.” Newman closed out his computer screen. “If you are going to continue seeing this girl then I want details. Let your readers enjoy her too.”
“That’s sick!” Lon felt his temper rising.
Newman laughed at Lon’s reaction. “That’s not the kind of details I meant. I want to hear about the relationship and her devotion to you. I want to hear how she treats you like a king. And if she’s part of a harem, I want to hear about that too. Let us know what she does to keep you interested.”
“You want... relationship advice?”
“Why not? Not the sappy kind women usually pen. Let’s hear it from the man’s perspective, a real man.”
Lon glanced back down at the paper. Bemused he thought that the photograph of Paige with him was a good one. He’d have to get a copy for himself. “I have to speak with Paige before I come up with anything. May I borrow this for a few minutes?”
She was busy making entries into her date book when he knocked at the cubicle entrance. “Got a moment?”
“Sure.” Paige put her pen down and smiled.
He came in and headed to the chair next to her desk. He wanted to kiss her but they had agreed to remain entirely professional at work. Besides, they weren’t advertising their relationship not that keeping a secret was important anymore. “Have you seen today’s paper?” He extended the folded up paper he held in his hand.
She glanced at the tabloid briefly without touching it. A slight blush tinged her cheeks. “Jeanmarie called me into her office this morning to... congratulate me. She seems to think the magazine can capitalize on our relationship.”
“Apparently she’s not the only one. Actually I think Noah prefers to think of it as damage control.” Lon ran a hand through his dark hair. “He wants me to write about our relationship, kind of a tell-all advice type of thing.”
“Oh.” Jeanmarie had only suggested that she and Lon make a few public appearances, just enough to fuel the media’s attention. “Does Noah really think you need damage control?”
Lon grinned and shrugged. He knew he would have to do something to maintain his column’s popularity, at the same time, he refused to invade Paige’s privacy if it would cause her discomfort. “I’ve kind of adopted a slightly different style in my writing anyway. I really didn’t like the way I was perceived as a player. Noah seems to feel that I’m not living up to the image they purchased.”
“What does your publicist say?”
“I haven’t spoken with her yet. I wanted to speak with you first. I figured I could call Shell afterwards.”
“How much is... telling all?” She wasn’t sure how much of her private life she was willing to expose. Paige had been aware that Lon was considered a celebrity and anyone connected to him might be publicly scrutinized as well. She definitely did not want to cause him any professional problems.
“Well, since we obviously don’t have to keep it a secret here that we are seeing each other, why don’t I take you to lunch and we can sit and talk about it?” Lon looked relieved when Paige accepted without hesitation.
He had been pleasantly surprised when Paige agreed to let him write about their relationship. The only stipulation was that he didn’t include her past and if the subjects seemed personal, she wanted to read about it before the public did.
That was why he was sure she would be willing to accompany him to Chicago while he made a TV talk show appearance. He was familiar with the hotel his publicist booked him into and he was looking forward to romancing her in the beautiful setting.
“No?” He sat down heavily on her couch. “We can get separate rooms if you don’t want folks to think we’re sleeping together.”
“Lon, people already assume we’re sleeping together.” She laughed at herself. “They just don’t realize you’re not getting anything from me…”
“Paige, I’m not pushing. Trust me, when you are ready I will be here.”
Shrugging her shoulders, Paige turned to face him. “I don’t understand why you are being so patient. I know it can’t be easy for you.”
He smiled gently. “I’m getting everything I need each time I feel you relax in my arms.”
“But I still don’t understand why you’re doing this? I’m not worth this kind of effort.”
“Don’t say that!” He immediately lowered his voice. “Paige, I told you, I care about you. I really care about you, more than I have ever cared about someone before. I admit, eventually I would like to get in your pants…”
She sounded embarrassed when she chuckled.
“Seriously Paige, I’m trying to build something major with you. And if you need time, I’ll manage to give you that time.” He walked to her and took her in his arms. “You are definitely worth it.”
She looked up at him in wonder. “I feel very lucky.”
“Well you should.” He smiled teasingly. “I know I am. Paige, please think about coming with me to Chicago. It will only be like two days. You know you won’t have a problem at work.”
She hugged him. “I’m not really ready for this much of a public commitment to a relationship with a celebrity. Maybe by the next trip I’ll be able to face your adoring public.”
Lon sighed. He knew she was a private person. She just needed time. If things went the way he had been thinking lately though she would have to get used to sharing his limelight on a fulltime basis. “I have to leave early tomorrow. May I stay tonight?’
She nodded.
When he kissed her goodbye, she had barely moved. While they still hadn’t made love, not through full intercourse, Paige had made sure he was satisfied during the night. They were getting closer. He was happy about that.
“I’m going to miss you baby.” He kissed her temple. She half smiled in her sleep. “I love you Paige.” She didn’t answer. He knew she was asleep and if she heard him at all, it was only part of a dream for her.
He had to get home and throw a few things into an overnight bag before the car came to pick him up, but Lon really didn’t want to leave her side. If someone had told him a few months ago that he would be thinking of permanency with one woman, he would have laughed in their face. At first he was worried that his attraction to her was about her deep wounds and his desire to help. But he knew now it was so much more. A rage had built up inside him against Hal and he fantasized beating him to a pulp for what he had done. Lon was wise enough to know that the thought of violence could only scare Paige more so he kept his fantasies to himself.
Another fantasy he had been having was seeing her in his luxury Manhattan condo. So far they had spent all of their nights at her Brooklyn walk-up. Knowing that the media hounds would be all over them if he brought her back to his place, they thought they were being more discreet. But the secret was out now anyway. He only hoped all of the attention wouldn’t scare her back into hiding.
She reached for the ringing phone expecting to hear Lon’s gentle voice. “Hi.” Her voice was still thick with sleep.