It's ALL About Sex:
What Drives Your Sexual Engine?
By
Mary E. Miller, MSW
Smashwords Edition
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Copyright @ 2009 Mary E. Miller
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the copyright owner /author.
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SEX!
It’s All About…
Love
Control
Distance
Release
WHAT DRIVES YOUR SEXUAL ENGINE?
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INTRODUCTION
SEX!!!! Truly a “hot” subject in so many ways!!! So many mysteries!!! How come some people seem to have great sex lives while others have no interest in sex at all? Why is sex so great with one partner and so lacking with another? How can you be so attracted to someone in one way and yet find so little satisfaction in the bedroom? Why is sex so infrequent even with someone you dearly love? Why does your partner find sex so fulfilling while you have the experience of something missing? The answer to all these questions comes down to one simple statement: When you are hot you are hot and when you are not there is a very good reason why you are not. It’s all about the heat, the chemistry and the math. Heat plus chemistry equals great sex. No heat plus poor sexual chemistry equals unsatisfying sex or no sex at all.
This book is a simple and very basic answer to some of humanity’s most ancient and long-standing questions. It is a peak in the crack of the cosmic egg! If you are looking for a “how-to have a better sex life” book, this book will disappoint you. If you have a good sexual relationship and are just looking for a few ideas about how to spice up what you already have, there are some great books on the market offering amazing and ingenious ideas about how to add a little zing to your sex life. But if you are looking for methods to restart a dead or slow engine, it is doubtful that you will find effective methods even in the best technique books on the market today. If your relationship is lacking in sexual heat, intensity and/or frequency you are probably in a sexual relationship that lacks compatibility. If you are in the early stages of your quest for solutions to an unsatisfying sex life, you are probably hoping for a better answer than a lack of compatibility. But if you would like to avoid another year or decade of struggle and disappointment, read on.
This is a book for those who are tired of struggling and just want answers. If you are looking for the truth no matter what that truth might mean to your relationships, this book is for you. If you are tired of struggling with yourself or with someone else about sex or lack of it, your answers are here. As a former clinical social worker with many years of experience in the field of mental health, I have watched hundreds of couples struggle with issues involving sex. I have given seminars and worked individually with men and women from many different parts of the world. I have watched many men and women try desperately to bring heat into their “luke warm” and maybe outright “chilly’ sexual relationships. I have seen people try soft music, dim lights, candles, incense, sexy videos, skimpy underwear, massage oils, hot tubs, visits to sex therapists, and anything else they could find to bring “Heat” into their sex lives. In most cases, there were very limited results.
The reason for the limited results is simple nature at work. You are either hot or you’re not. And all the sexual techniques and incentives in the world will not cause Heat where there is none. If sex has been mysterious to you in some way, this book might just answer your most heart-felt questions. This book may just set you free from a lifetime of questions about yourself, your sexual partners and very nature of sex in any relationship. This book is based on the assumption that there is nothing wrong with you. If you are a mentally healthy person, whether you want sex once a day, once a week, once a year or not at all, you are exactly the way you are suppose to be. This book is also based on the assumption that a human being has a destiny to fulfill. That destiny involves gathering knowledge and information about oneself and about life on this planet. If you accept this assumption, then it is logical to conclude that you have all the gifts and resources to fulfill your mission here, and that you are built exactly as you need to be built in order to fulfill your personal destiny.
When I was in high school back in the late nineteen sixties, there were strong cultural pressures on men and women to find a mate, get married (which included the having great sex on a regular basis), buy a house, have children and to become involved in your community. These were the indicators of a “successful” human being. Men and women who remained single past 25 were considered questionable. Unmarried women over thirty were seen as “old maids.” Couples who chose not to have children were just plain selfish. Women who had little or no interest in sex were called “frigid” and men who did not date women were potentially gay. Being gay was considered to be a sin that doomed a person to hell. Times have changed since the nineteen sixties and we have a little more room for different kinds of lifestyles. But, we still suffer as a society from so many myths about how people should live and what makes for a good relationship. All good relationships involve sacrifices on the part of both people. Some people have great, natural sexual connections that result in a vibrant and enriching sex life. Other relationships are less than ideal in this arena.