Excerpt for My First Words by Matt Banks, available in its entirety at Smashwords

Your Turn To Cry

You can deny it

But your heart will bring you back to me

That’s just how it is

And how it always will be

You pretend you’ve moved on

Whatever keeps your sanity

Because I see the true you

Behind your broken vanity

The fact is

I don’t need you any longer

I was once weak without you

But I have matured and grown stronger

So when the nights turn cold

And you start to ask yourself why

Know that you’ll have nobody to lean on

Because it’s your turn to cry























A Taste of Your Own Medicine

You ripped my heart out

With a sparkle in your eye

And the worst part is

I have no idea why

You are what I have waited for

What I have searched for far and wide

The last thing I expected

Was watching our worlds collide

Just when it seems I’m getting along

And starting to cope

You appear in my life again

To give me a glimmer of hope

But it’s nothing real

You only want to string me along

To see if you still got it

And stealing me back from where I belong

I do want you back

But not so you can win

I want to hold you high

Then give you a taste of your own medicine















You Finally Missed

You feed me the fuel

That I need for this fire to burn

It makes me wonder why

For you, my heart ever yearned

You play games

For your own satisfaction

It makes you feel special

Regardless of your actions

You only care about what others say

They make your decisions for you

You never give the worthy a chance

If you only had a clue

You won’t be able to hide

For too much longer

You’ll be forgotten by those you stranded

As you sit alone, left to ponder

I used to look into your eyes

And see into your soul

Now I can take a step back

And see you as a whole

You are nothing in this world

To me you no longer exist

You tried to knock me out like the rest

Except this time you finally missed







Brand New

Sometimes you say things

Just to hear yourself talk

You can’t keep up with your lies

And continue to walk your walk

I love myself

Better than you ever did

And when it came time to show it

You ran away and hid

I can’t block you out altogether

I’ll just be your polar opposite

Linked together for all time

And the same when it comes down to it

Apparently your plans in life have changed

And there is something better you have found

I just want you to remember

What goes around comes around

I will forget everything

That meant anything to you

So I can wipe the slate clean

And start brand new















Better Off

We were supposed to have no emotional attachment

But still my heart grows fond

Now there is a barrier between us

And silence is our only bond

I have no sense of direction

I am down in this hole

You walked right through me

And shattered my soul

You make yourself known again

Every once in awhile

I try to ignore you

And your intoxicating style

In the beginning

I wanted to know everything about you

Now I can see the truth

I realize I am better off without you























Day After Day

You look but never see

You listen but you never hear

Maybe it’s because you don’t care

Or I’m just not being clear

I tried to lead you along

And show you the way

But you drown me out

And push me away

I can’t get through to you

We can no longer connect

I try to explain my feelings to you

But sadly they have no effect

I tell you my secrets

I hold nothing back at all

Still no response from you

It’s like talking to a wall

I guess you can’t be changed anymore

You have drifted too far away

But you will be in my heart

Day after day















For Once

For once

I wish I could give you butterflies

And was able to use the words that leave you paralyzed

For once

I wish it was you begging and pleading

And my eyes were the ones that were misleading

For once

I want you to be the one who waits alone at night

And is who left gazing off into the starry night

For once

I want everything to go as planned

One time I want to be able to understand

For once

I want it all to go as rehearsed

Switch this all around, and have our roles reversed

























Used to be Enough

The doors that used to be open to me

Have now been slammed in my face

Someone switched it all around

And changed the pace

The bridges I have built

Have been set to flames

The “friends” I once knew

Just don’t seem the same

This has taken its toll

We have gone our separate directions

Maybe it’s the wrong way to handle it

Or maybe it’s for our own protection

I see you now

And search for what to say

I feel like I am being left behind

It never used to be this way

I could always come to you

Whenever times got rough

You always provided the reassurance I needed

You used to be enough















You Missed Out

I hold my head down

As I continue to walk slow

Though I haven’t it directly from you

I already know

You have moved on

I can see it in your eyes

So when you are ready to come clean

I won’t be surprised

Apparently you are searching for something

Something I can’t give

I can’t stop you from running

Because it is your life to live

If you are going to leave

Don’t turn back around

If you expect me to wait for you

I’ll be nowhere to be found

So do what you think is right

But in time you’ll have no doubt

That I was what you needed

And you missed out















Forever Apart

These words that I hear

Give me a heavy heart

It makes me realize

We will forever be apart

It’s been too long

And these cuts will not heal

You couldn’t begin to imagine

Exactly how much pain I feel

Call me crazy, but for some reason

I still care

Maybe I expect things to change

Even though you have never been there

A thousand words can describe you

Not one of them being good

So should I feel differently?

I wish that I could

You cut the connection

But I just never put it together

You found a new life

That suites you a little bit better

I guess our lives

Will never include each other again

To stubborn to reach out

So I guess we both win







Stormy Weather

I’ve been questioning you lately

Something I’ve never done before

It’s really getting to me

It’s something I can’t ignore

I just see you changing

From the person I once knew

Slowly but surely

With everything that you do

I feel the tension

And I fear it is going to build

Because our egos keep growing

And become jealously filled

I find myself living in the past

Trying to put things as they were

Only because the present is so hectic

And our future is so unsure

Hopefully the wounds mend

And we can pull it together

Before we hit the downpour

And all the stormy weather















The Pretender

You are the pretender who has unreachable dreams

The person who gets his way with lies and crooked schemes

The person who leaves the truth untold

The person who will stab you in the back, and leave you cold

You have changed from the person I once knew

Without warning you switched out of the blue

I never thought the day would come when you’d be so far away

Once a close buddy, but now different in every single way

These little games never bothered me before

But now they stretch my nerves and I can’t take it anymore

You are everything I never want to be

I just wish you could take the time to realize and see

There is so much more to this life besides the things that are impure

Eventually it will be time to grow and mature

If it doesn’t have to do with money and the greed it carries

You couldn’t care less, and you would have no worries

You are the pretender who will hopefully find his way

I can’t help you live like this, I can only bring these words to say

May you be humbled before it is too late

Try to change your life, and eventually your fate















Deceitful Smile

I should have seen this coming

It was so predictable

Could I expect something more?

From someone so egotistical

You are all about yourself

How can you be so vain?

Looking to take your frustrations out on others

Just to alleviate your own pain

I was taken by you

Before I got wise to your games

I thought you would be different

Before you were exposed as the same

I assure I won’t be and plead

And come crawling back to you

Keeping my dignity, while denying you of that pleasure

Is what I’d rather do

One thing I am certain of

Through this painful little trail

I feel sorry for the next guy lured in

Y your deceitful smile















I Wish

I wish you knew the truth

And I wish I could be the one to tell it to you

I wish it was that easy

I wish that you already knew

I wish things didn’t have to be so hard

I wish that I could drift right by

I wish I could stay like this forever

I wish we would never have to say goodbye

But I know what I have to do

And what is best for us

No arguments to put up

And nothing to discuss

Tears will be shed

And we may never be the same

But I’d rather have that

Than the constant suffering and shame

I wish I could run away

I wish I could find a place to hide

But I’ll take it like a man

And swallow my pride















Nothing I Can Do

Maybe it’s because I’m stubborn

Or because I am too proud

But I can’t let you go

And become just another face in the crowd

I can’t see you off like this

And let it be your last goodbye

But with these broken wings

I can no longer fly

We lost our way

Or maybe we just grew apart

But regardless of all our differences

You still have a place in my heart

Even though you keep hurting me

You can do no wrong

I hang on your every word

Like it’s my favorite sad song

I wish things could be different

But it all happens for a reason

I have to adapt to this

Like the changing of the seasons

It’s tough for me

Because you already have someone new

I fear that you’ll be gone forever

And there is nothing I can do







Addiction

I swore to myself

That I would never give in to addiction

But this was just too much for me

Beyond my wildest predictions

It’s not in a bottle

Or injected into the skin

It’s your ability to be there for me

When my patience runs thin

It’s your laugh, your smile

The little thing you do

It’s the way you assure me

Of what I already knew

I love when you eyes wander

But I know they will always come back to me

How did I get so lucky?

I guess some things are just meant to be

I swore to myself

I would never become addicted

But that was before you came along

Something I never could have predicted















Perfect Murder

The perfect murder happened

When you walked in the other direction

I looked you in the eyes for the final time

To see no sign of affection

No guns, no bullets

No trace of evidence

No witnesses to the crime

No need to prove your innocence

It didn’t affect anyone else

But it killed my spirit

And it pains me to know when you said you loved me

You never really meant it

I thought things were perfect

But that was through my eyes

You had a hidden agenda

Much to my surprise

I’d kill for the days

When you’d call just to hear my voice

But you made this decision

It wasn’t my choice

You committed the perfect murder

When you walked away

Shattering my dreams in the process

Making me wish for yesterday









Exposed

It takes a person like you

To make me take a second look

You can't think for yourself

Your life is an open book

You think you are above us all

And yet your style is classless

You are a follower of trends

Anything to appease the masses

That's your problem

You don't live for you

You only care what other people think

And let them dictate what you do

You are so predictable

You get on every one of my nerves

And there is no question in my mind

You'll eventually get what you deserve

You are so wrapped up in yourself

It's all becomes a blur

Your "friends" now shy away from you

Because they can see the big picture

Your shady actions

Aren't invisible to anyone

And whether you know it or not

You've been exposed to everyone

Not Anything At All

I hope this doesn't make it weird

Or give you any cause for concern

But sometimes I only talk

To hear your voice in return

I can't exactly put into words

Why I’m locked on you

I just felt it was right inside

And that’s exactly when i knew

There's no need to impress me

No need to do anything special

Just be who you are

With nothing superficial

I think you are perfect

With all your flaws

And nothing could change my mind

Not anything at all

















That Girl

The way her eyes sparkle

The way her hair curls

Makes her so tempting

She’s that girl

The one I dream about

The one that sends me for a whirl

The one that attracts me

She’s that girl

The girl that draws me in

With her smile white as pearl

I’m so addicted

To that girl

When she walks by

My thoughts start to swirl

I can’t take my eyes off of…

That girl

But no matter what

YOU are my whole world

She can’t even come close to you

She’ll forever be….that girl















Who Am I To Judge?

Remembering the times when you abused me

Haunt and shake my core

They take me back in time

A place which I can’t ignore

They didn’t leave any bruises

They didn’t make me bleed

They fueled my fire of hatred

And planted this seed

I know now

That it was too much to bare

Apparently you didn’t

You never seemed to care

It amazes me

That you are still pretending

You don’t know what is real

With the mixed messages you keep sending

Maybe you need help

Maybe you need a bit of a nudge

But what did I ever matter to you?

And who am I to judge?















Unexpectedly

Unexpectedly

You came along

And you changed my life

From the same old sad song

I looked around

Trying to find the girl for me

Little did I know

That you were too close to even see

From the second we met

I felt a little different

My feelings grew stronger

With every visit spent

I plan to share with you

A part of me I have never opened before

Because there is something between us

I just can’t ignore

There are more beautiful girls

There is simply no doubt

But I have other things in mind

Looks aren’t all I am about

This is the right time for us

We can fit together perfectly

I am happy you came out of the blue

So unexpectedly







Every Single Time

Every single time

I look at you

Memories come flashing back

Of things we used to do

It hurts so badly

Because I never got my chance

Every time I smiled at you

You would turn away at my glance

We have gone our separate ways

And it’s clear now you aren’t what you were

But I still can’t resist

I still something between us would occur

Maybe it’s just me

Who feels this connection

My missed opportunity burns inside

As I stare at my reflection

I told you how I felt once

I laid my heart out

You didn’t know what to make of it

Apparently you had your doubts















A Hold On Me

You have a hold on me

Even when I don’t want you

You show up uninvited

And I know just what to do

It’s so very tempting

Because you are my disease

No matter what is ailing me

You always know how to please

When I am feeling down

I can always come to you

You can solve all of these problems

You can make me brand new

You get the best of me

With your many personalities

Though you have clashed with many

And caused countless casualties

Maybe one day

I can shake your sweet curse

Before you finish the job

And my situation gets worse















Complicated Questions

The simple truth is…

Love is complicated

The rules can be stretched

Even rolled around and manipulated

How do you find the one?

And how do you really know?

Do you search for them?

Or wait for them to show?

Do you make you move?

And how do you go about it?

Do you wait for her to approach?

So you know she’s legit

Do you shower her with gifts?

Or is the presence of love enough

Can you really trust her?

Or do you call her bluff?

These are the questions

Which nobody has the answers to

Everyone has their own game they play

It depends on what they truly want to do

One thing is for certain

Love’s questions are complicated

Whether you can overcome them

It was it left to be debated







Insecurity

Sometimes you feel

So insecure

Nothing is what it seems

The world is one big blur

Everyone you get close to

Is somehow taken away

And you start to question

Every single word you say

Everyone is around you

But you feel so alone

It’s a shameful feeling

Unlike one you have ever known

People try to help you out

But there is nothing they can do

It is deeper than that

It’s something inside you

Everyone has their own problems

It is just how you work through

Some you need help with

And some you wish you never knew















Not What I Appear

It’s not that I don’t want you

You are something I have never known before

Something so attractive

Something I could never ignore

I know you are into me

But we simply can’t be

You and I both know

You can do much better than me

I could only bring you down

From where you stand

You’d be taking a step back

If you took me hand

It’s your choice to make

One of uncertainty

Because deep down

I’m not what I appear to be























Perfect Situation

You are so breathtaking

More than I anything I had anticipated

I sit awake at night

Thinking of how you left me captivated

You do it to me every time

Without hesitation

You bring me to life

And rid me of all my desperation

It’s more than a crush

It has a little more complication

But somewhere along the way

You filled me with infatuation

Every time I look your way

I can’t help but smile

I know right then and there

You are worth all the while


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(Pages 1-24 show above.)