© Copyright 2008 Jerry Humphrey. All rights reserved.
Contents
Fading Away
He Is Everywhere I Go
Home
I Found Him
I Go Alone
I Sat Down Today
In The Garden
Into The Night
It Came Today
It Must Be Found
Keeping A Promise
Men And The Sea
Midnight In The Garden
My Home
My Life
Once
Once A Soldier
One Last Dance
She Waits
Silence
String
Take My Hand
The Day I Die
The Old Dead Tree
Things Gone By
Time Passing
To Face The Day
Today
Visiting Mother
Walking
Where Has My Little Girl Gone
Why The Sun Should Rise
Wind Dancer
Wounded Bird
A Soldiers Life
Hidden Angels
Watching The World Go By
Peace And Quiet
Once Upon A Winters Day
Precious Things
If I Were A Feather
I Was Lost
Coming Home
The Call
Doodles
Passing Away
Thanksgiving
The Christmas Angel
The Season
My Thoughts on Christmas Eve
My Little Missy
My Brother
Farewell
The Beacon
To My Daughter
Mothers Day
Nonsense
My Window
My Little Girl
Just Like A Leaf In The Wind
Thinking Of A Rhyme
Oh To Joy
An Old Guard Brother
Fading Away
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
As I sit here in the calm and quiet of the morning light
My mind goes back to another place in time
When things were not so bright.
It was many years ago and far away I did roam.
I was a young soldier in a place far from home.
It was war and many good friends and I did fight
And some of them did not live through the night
Some were wounded, some died
And some were left behind.
But none are forgotten for they are always in my heart
And all too often now, they are on my mind.
After many years they faded from my memory
Until I could scarcely remember them
Their faces and names were just a blur to me.
But now as I grow old they become sharp and clear.
As I listen now their voices, I do hear
They call me by my name and say,
Soldier, time to pack it in, you go home today.
I am fading from my present place and time.
My mission here is over no more hills to climb.
My friends and I, we are together once more.
To another place, another time, another shore.
And to those left behind here I can only say
That old soldiers really do, in time just fade away.
He Is Everywhere I Go
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
He is with me in the morning as the sun comes up
He is with me at my table as I hold my coffee cup
He is with me as I dress to meet the day
And If I listen closely, I can hear what he has to say
He guides me through the day
And keeps me safe from harm
With his undeserved kindness
His love makes me feel warm
I feel him when I see the wildflowers
With beauty beyond compare
The birds sing their sweet songs
For they too know he is there
I see him as a mother holds her baby in her arms
And showers it with love to keep it safe and warm
When a little girl kisses her dad goodnight
He touches even the hardest heart with love so bright
He is there beside me in everything I see
And everywhere I go
It is something I feel and something that I know
He is there in both good times and in bad
He is there when I am happy and when I am so very sad
When my world is filled with horrors, Gloom and despair
I feel him most of all and know I am in his care
Alone I am frail and weak and things go all wrong
But with him at my side, I am so very strong
No matter where I am either a castle or a prison
He always speaks to me, I just have to stop and listen
Home
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
I went home the other night while I was fast asleep
I was in my bed in dreamland so deep
Back to the home, I knew when I was a child
To someone dear and sweet and mild
She welcomed me with such love
Sweetly as an angel sent from above
She put her hand on my head
And with love looked into my eyes and said
Everything will be all right now dear
The sadness will leave, now that you are here
Such love and caring I had not felt
With all the blows that life had dealt
I awoke with a feeling in my heart
That it was time for a new start
Now life can make you feel oh so very blue
That you just don't know what to do
You want to go back home once more
Where she would be waiting at the door
And she would touch you and let you know
You were always loved and wherever you would go
Whatever happened to you it would be all right
She would be with you both day and night
And now the world seems ok once more
And you know she is waiting at the door
Thanks to the one who always loved you
Whose love is eternal and so true
I Found Him
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
I found him in the darkness of the night
I found him in the brightness of the morning light
I found him on the mountain as far up as I could go
I found him down in the earth so very low
I found him on the earth so green
The flowers almost touch the sky
I found him in the desert that is so barren and so dry
I found him on the ocean blue
I found him in the morning dew
I found him in the eyes of a little girl as she took my hand
I found him with a soldier who lay dying in a foreign land
I found him when my wife and I were wed
I found him as I held her hand as she lay dead
And when I lay alone my mind and body filled with pain
It was there in my darkest hour that he found me
And when I thought that love for me was through
He sent someone who took my hand and said I do
And so my life began again you see
I know now that even if I can’t find him he will find me
He said to you my child my love I send
I am with you always, even to the end
I Go Alone
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
There are people everywhere that I go
Running here and there going to and fro
No matter where I am, it seems there are people around
I can’t be alone for wherever I go
Others soon are to be found
It’s not like I am rich or famous or anything like that
Or wear strange clothes or a loud ugly hat
These people are strangers you see
For I don’t know them and they surely don’t know me
It’s just that wherever I am they are somehow
Bound to be
Not matter if it’s the mountains, the deserts or even the sea
What must I do to be alone for some peace of mind?
Where I can be free
I Sat Down Today
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
I sat down to write today
And although many things were in my head
I did not know what to say
All the thoughts in my head were fragments you see
They would not go together
To make any sense to you or me
Just bits and pieces of many things both near and far away
Of things both done and undone and things I meant to say
Things both real and unreal too were there
Of things only imagined when I was young
And had not a care
Thoughts of things such as stars so far away
And things so near and beautiful
That mere words could not say
So many thoughts are there of so many things
Some like gems in jewelry such as rings
Oh to be able now to put some together to form a story
Or a poem, a jingle, or even a rhyme would
Be like such glory
Maybe even just an idea would do
For something grand or wonderful or just
Something that is new
Oh how I envy those people who
Can just create a thing that is new
A sketch of something we all see each day
But when put on canvas is so beautiful
It takes your breath away
An old man that sits outside in his chair
And whittles out a thing without even a care
Or those who can pick up thrown away
Bits and pieces of trash
And make them into something that
Brings them a little cash
Something new that has never been before
Or something from long ago from legends and from lore
Maybe if I sit and just think a while
I’ll come up with something with a little class
And even a little style
So here I am sitting in the dark
Till it comes to me like the sound of a lark
It could be the meowing of a cat
Or a dog that will bark
That will bring to mind the thing I am to write
Or the thing that I am to do that thought so bright
It is there I know if I can just find it now you see
In all this clutter in my mind there is no telling
Where it might be
Oh yes it is there I think I see it now
It was hiding all along in plain sight beside a purple cow
But now I have found it and I will put it down
You may read it when next you are in town
It may make you smile or it may make you frown
But one thing is for sure once you start
You will not put it down
Until at last it is at an end you see
And then you will know just what it meant to me
In The Garden
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
I have been there in the Garden
That place soldiers know so well
They have earned their piece of heaven
For they have all spent their time in hell
Those resting there lie peacefully
In quiet dignity
Having given their lives so we may live free
They suffered so much
For war is such a terrible thing
Now they rest with more honor and dignity
Than any forgotten king
Here they will always be honored and remembered
Forever young forever free
Their graves stretch out before me
As vast as the sea
I have spent my time here in the garden
And with me its memories will always be
And when I am gone away
Maybe they will save a place for me
Into The Night
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
I go alone into the night
I feel no fear I feel no fright
I am perfectly sane my mind it is clear
I am fully aware of all that is happening here
The night is calm cool and clear
It calls to me its time now come here
The night surrounds me, it embraces me
And makes me feel safe and warm
I know I am in no danger here
And will not come to any harm
This journey now is a special one you see
I feel a loving presence and it calls to me
I must first embrace the darkness
Before I can find the light
For without the darkness I could not see it so bright
And so I look all around me
And in the distance I see
Where it is that I must go
Where I am to be
A place of peace and love awaits
It calls to me
Now at last I am going home
At last I will be free
As I step into the light so dear
Gone is all my pain
My earthly cares my fear
All my loved ones surround me here
Now what is it I see but the one I love
The one that went on ahead of me
Yes, my love is here now
And lovingly welcomes me
We are together once more
Just as it was meant to be
We are happy now at last
All our troubles are in the past
A new life now begins
And the old troubled one ends
It Came Today
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
A little bird came by today
Just to say hello
I do not know from where he came
Or where that he might go
He may have come from far away
Or closer than a mile or so
He sat and ate a bit
And let his music flow
Its melody was beyond compare
More beautiful than anything I know
He stretched out his wings
And I knew that he would go
So I thanked him for his song
And for the wonderful show
He flew away so quickly
I could scarcely believe it so
But what he brought today
Was more than he could know
He brought a message from God above
That he loved me so
And so I thanked the creator for
His kindness and his mercy
But most of all his love
For without that you see
Another step I could not go
Love does make the world go around you see
And from up above it does flow
He may remind us now and then
When we forget as we go to and fro
He may send a little bird to remind us with a song
And his beauty to us show
It’s not just something that I’ve been told
It’s something that I know
That from heaven above his mercy
And his love does ever flow
It Must Be Found
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
I went aloft today to take a look around
And although I searched both near and far
It could not be found
It wasn’t in the sky above
Or below me on the ground
Since I could not find it from above
I came back to the ground
Perhaps it is hiding down below
Maybe that’s where it can be found
And so I went below
Far beneath the ground
But no matter how hard I looked
It just could not be found
If it’s not up above or here beneath the ground
Perhaps it’s in the ocean blue
So I went to take a look around
I searched the oceans of the earth
But no, it just was not around
Maybe it’s beneath the waves
And so beneath the sea I was bound
Looking and searching everywhere
For it must be found
I searched and searched but just kept going down
But it was not there so for home I was bound
If it was not above nor underneath the ground
Or on the ocean blue or even beneath then
Where could it be found?
There was only one place left it could possibly be
Yes it was here inside of me
It had been there all along
And there it would always be
So if you wish to find yours too
Don’t search above or below
Or even the ocean blue
Just look inside yourself my friends
And there you will find yours too
Keeping A Promise
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
I made a promise long ago to someone oh so dear
And just the thought of keeping it was my greatest fear
She was my life, my love, and my split apart
She was my soul, she was my heart
Just the thought of losing her was oh so difficult you see
Because I was part of her and she was part of me
Just a few short years ago when she knew
That she would die
She kissed me and looked me in the eye
She said promise me that this you will do
When I have passed on
That you will not just live but love again after I am gone
She gently took my hand in hers and looked into my heart
She said you must swear it to me here and now
Before that we are part
I said you ask too much of me my dear
Such a promise is too hard for me to keep I fear
It would be too much to bear to go on
Without you here with me
My heart was heavy and my eyes so filled with tears
I could barely see
I said I will do my best to keep it hon
I swear it with all my heart
She said that’s all I could ask of anyone
There is just one other part
You must take my ashes and spread them on the tide
And happily, I will wait for you on the other side
So now the time has come to keep that which
I swore some time ago you see
I took a walk over the sands down to the sea
And I let her go on the outgoing tide
Just as she had asked of me
And she floated out into the night until
She was at last gone from sight
And I walked away knowing
I had kept my promise that night
And I in this world will abide
And live until at last I too go out on the tide
I will give all I have and try to be a kind and a loving man
That’s how it should be between a woman and a man
Men And The Sea
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
Oh, tell me if you can just what it could be
What is the attraction of men to the Sea?
Sailing on with no one or nothing else in sight
All through the day and all through the night
With nothing to guide them but the stars so bright
Is it the stories of dolphins and mermaids
Or that huge whale?
Or fighting a blow or riding out a gale
With his hand on the tiller and his eye on the sail
There’s mystery and adventures to be found
And treasures to be had
It’s been known to lure away from home many a fine lad
When he left, there were those who were proud
And those who were sad
His mother she cried for her little boy
He’s just a young lad
His father was proud, that’s my boy, said his dad
There are things to see, places to go and treasure to be had
What better way to become a man
For this tender young lad
He might get shipwrecked or even a mermaid he might see
But such is the lure of a man to the sea
Young lads sail away and strong men return
Often with women on their minds and money to burn
But they won’t stay in port very long
Because for the sea they all yearn
And so it has always been you see
That is the way of men and the sea
Midnight In The Garden
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
It is midnight in the Garden, now all is quiet, all is still
Save for a lone figure, there walking on the hill
He watches intently as all around him are asleep
They know he’s there with them and it’s his watch to keep
Though no one is there to see him
As he keeps his vigil on the hill
He walks his post with honor, never stopping never still
Then another comes to relieve him there
And walk the post until
Another relieves him too and on and on it goes you see
This post is a post of honor and always there must be
A sentry here walking to honor those
Who died to keep us free
Though he walks alone he is in the company
Of friends you see
Each man here is a brother, soldiers like you and me
They are a part of him now as they will always be
For all pledged their lives for one another
So that we may live free
This is the price of freedom; this is the price of liberty
There will always be a soldier walking
In the garden here you see
He walks here in honor and with dignity
He walks here for you and he walks here for me.
My Home
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
When I was a young man, very much in my prime
Thoughts of adventures and travel
Were on my young mind
I wanted to go to strange places
To see what I could find
To the danger out there, I surely was blind
To the top of the world, I wanted to climb
And descend into the depths of a deep dark mine
So I left the beauty and comfort
Of my dear ones and home
And to those far off places, I went to roam
I saw oh so many strange things
I saw bad evil devils
And beautiful angels with wings
I met people of all sizes shapes colors and kinds
I learned many new things
And made some terrific finds
I had some great adventures
Although I was most often alone
Until one day, I met a woman
Who made loves bright light in my heart to shine
On together round the world we went
Until our youth at last was almost spent
But still on and on we went
Till we could go on no more
And we settled down on a far away shore
The people asked us where we were from
Where was our home
We said its here now where we live
No more do we roam
From the places where we were born
We had been gone so very long
That to call them our home
Just felt to be wrong
Those who had stayed in one place
We envied so much
For they belonged to a place
That they knew and could touch
Roaming around we had missed oh so much
And the family we had been born into
We had now lost touch
We had been gone too long
And we no longer fit
Then we realized the answer
The real truth of it
That no matter where we did roam
As long as we had each other
Then we were home
So young ones if you feel the need
To wander and roam
Just remember that wherever your
Heart is there is your home
My Life
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
In the beginning, I felt alone and incomplete.
Darkness filled my soul and my heart.
I cried to the creator, Lord where is my helpmate,
Where is my other part?
And he said, when it is time I will reveal her to thee.
Until then do as I direct without question
And when it is ready for two to become one you will see.
And I said until then what shall I do?
You must go from this place and journey forth
He said to a place I will show to you.
And I went from that place and traveled
Until I came to my childhood home.
I though this must be it, this is the place
Now I need no more to roam.
But the creator spoke to my heart and said
This is not the place to be,
And so I traveled on
To a place across the sea.
And I knew in my heart
Now this was the place meant for me.
I would just have to wait a time for to see.
Then one day as I traveled to and fro
Exploring this new land.
I knew the time it was at hand.
I looked beside the road and my eyes
Beheld an angel there to see.
I cried to my companions we must go back
She is the one for me.
And when I came to the place, where she stood
The creator again speaking to me in my heart said he
This is also my child you see, yes, she is the one
And I knew in my heart it was so and that it was good.
I was so afraid, what should I say?
Tell me Lord this I pray.
He said only speak from your heart to her you see
Pay no heed to her words for she too
Has been hurt and is afraid you see.
And I knew in my heart it was true.
Both of you are my children he said
And I say to you she is the one for you.
You will learn from each other
And teach one another.
You will truly be as one, no longer alone
But together now.
And it was so, whatever she said I knew
What was in her heart
And I spoke to her from my own heart
We were together now and would never part.
For many years we went through
Trials and troubles but always together not apart.
We strengthened one another, taught one another
And learned from one another.
Our love made us strong and it strengthened us.
We met all challenges together
The good the bad the worst
We loved Each other as much each day
As though it was the first.
Not a single day did pass when we
Did not say to one another I love you sweetheart.
At last there came the hardest part
When she was called home to heaven without me
We cried so we did not want to part
We did not fear death only being apart.
The creator said she must come home
This is how that it must be
You must stay I have work for you to do you see.
It will be but a short time and together you will be
For what is made one by God
That will always be.
So continue on now for a while
Until your work at last is done.
Once
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
I used to wake each morning
Before the Sun ever began to rise
Eager to find what life had in store
That would put a twinkle in my eyes
I would stand up straight and tall
And off boldly I would ride
To whatever challenge was to come to me
I would meet boldly and with pride
Once A Soldier
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
Once as a soldier, I stood straight proud and tall
When my country asked me, I answered to its call
My folks were all soldiers as far back as we knew
My father was a soldier and grandpa he was too
I trained to be a soldier while others ran away
I said my life I'll give but I hope its not today
Now I am bent and old and I can’t stand as tall
When I hear the call to arms, I want to answer its call
But I stand as best I can when old glory passes by
In my heart I am still a soldier and will be until I die
I'll report proudly in and the master will say
You passed the test.
You are a new rank now so came and take a rest.
Your friends and family are waiting for you here
Your love has waited long, just to have you near.
Celebrate with us now let no one shed a tear.
Your job on earth is finished, now your home is here.
One Last Dance
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
Something came to me the other night
As I sat here in my chair
About how much we miss things
When they are no longer there
My dear wife is the thing I miss the most
Her smile her laugh her hair
She was so full of life you see
And saw the beauty in life everywhere
And now that she is no longer here
I don't see the beauty as much anymore
So I try harder, I take time to look for it
As she always did before
And when I find some little thing
A rock, a twig or leaf outside my door
It makes me smile for a moment and I turn to share it
As if she were there
I know she is not with me anymore but sometimes
I feel like she is here
She is sharing the beauty I have found that
She taught me to see everywhere
I promised her I would go on with life
And try to find love to share
It is so very hard but a promise is a promise
And I will continue to look
For it in all I see and hear and in every picture
Or song or even in a book
I find as I keep trying I begin to see
A little more as time goes on
I think I can make it after all even though she has gone on.
I smile and try to be outgoing and light hearted
Each and every day
And to myself I say, now what thing of beauty
Will I see today
The dark times come to me
Especially on our anniversary each year
And I allow myself that day to sit alone and shed a tear
For I miss her oh so much and wish that she were here
I would love to share one last dance with her
As we did every year
So if you come by on that day and knock
Or ring the bell or telephone
No one will answer you that day
I am here all alone
But if you listen close, you might hear
Some old music playing there inside
And if you peek in a window, you may see me
Standing alone in the gloom
My eyes closed my arms outstretched as
I slowly move around the room
I am reliving a memory of that last dance
With her while she was here.
We held each other oh so close and shed a little tear.
It is a special time for us you see,
We dance this way each year.
She Waits
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
She walks along the green cliffs
And waits there in a cottage by the sea
She waits there just for me
And if I am good and I can hang on here awhile
My time will come and there I will be
In that little cottage on the cliffs overlooking the sea
It is there that she waits patiently
Till then I will bide my time and do the best that I can
To be good and a decent man
My love was called home some time ago you see
And I alone must go on until at last it is my time to be free
Silence
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
I awoke one morning and things were so quiet and so still
As if the world and time itself had stopped
Like my clock there upon the windowsill.
I looked around and it was neither day nor night
But somewhere in between but it all seemed so right
I went outside and the silence it was there
The silence and the stillness it was everywhere
The birds were still asleep there in their nests
I could not even hear my heartbeat in my breast
The wind did not even blow to stir a leaf or blade of grass
This was a special thing and I knew it would not last
I felt no fear just peace and joy and love
I knew this gift was sent from the creator up above
Strait from heaven like the beauty of a dove
My soul drank in the beauty and it filled me to the top
It was if I was recharging and I hoped it would not stop
But I knew it would not last forever and
I knew what I must do
I must save it in a special place that’s what I would do
And when the world it got too loud
Too busy with woes and care
When it became too much I’d remember it was there
I’d just stop a minute and in my mind I would go there
To that special place with no worries and no care
There I would recharge my soul and then
Anything I could bear
No matter the pain, the heartbreak, the despair
Whatever happened to me in life always I could go there
For there my creator would restore my body and my soul
He would touch me and again I would be whole
String
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
A string is such a strange but valued thing
It can be used to keep quiet or make things ring
It can hold things together or keep them apart
It can signal the end of a race, or the start
It can keep a balloon from getting away
Or keep a kitten amused all the day
It can let a kite fly up high
Or bring it safely back to earth when end of day is nigh
It can stop the bleeding when you are hurt
Or bring you water when your mouth is parched
And dry as dirt
It can be short and oh so small
Or it can be huge and tall
It can be found out in the wild
Or in the hair of a small child
It can mark a page in a book
Or catch a fish in a brook
It can hold a weight bigger than a ton
Or something like a feather, whose weight is almost none
It can keep you in the darkest part of the night
Or be electrified and flood the world with its light
It can help birth a sweet baby girl
Or be the last thing she sees when
The curtain of death is unfurled
It can be a net and wait for something to catch
Or warm a bird’s nest so her eggs can hatch
It can keep a locket around your neck
And close to your heart
And remind you of someone so dear
When you are far apart
Strings, Strings, they are so simple yet so sublime
They can do most anything
They even helped me write this rhyme
They will probably even be here at the end of time
Take My Hand
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
Take my hand and walk with me
No matter what life has been the best is yet to be
Silver and Gold have I almost none
But all I have I give to you until my time on earth is done
My body, my mind and best of all my heart
Together we can make this journey the most important part
Take my hand and walk with me down the road of life
I would be honored to be your husband
If you will be my wife
I will love you, honor you and cherish you above all
With you by my side I will walk tall
And I'll thank the Lord above
For bringing us together in his perfect love
He took our two broken hearts and put them both together
And made one so strong it will shine
No matter what the weather
So my dear one take my hand and walk with me
The past is gone now but the best is yet to be
I want your dear face to be the first thing
I see each day so bright
And the last thing I see each and every night
So take my hand and walk with me
On our journey all through life
Let me be your loving husband and be my darling wife
The Day I Die
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
The day I die will be a happy day you see
For on that day they will say his soul at last is set free
While I was alive, I did so strive down here to do my best
Now that my time is done I just have to run,
I really need a rest
I cannot stay, there is no time to play, really, I must go
I did my best to pass the test while I was there below
To those I leave behind just keep in mind
Someday you must go
Hold on to love and you may go above
If not you may go below
Life is strife it flips and flops
But where it stops you don’t know
Always be ready, hold steady to that which you must do
Just do your best to pass your test until
At last your time is through
If you’re good and try to do as you should
The boss will set you free
Then you will rise and take your prize here with me
Don’t waste time with what you leave behind
With you it can’t go
But strive to keep alive all the love and goodness
That you know
The Old Dead Tree
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
There is an old dead tree
Down the street here from me
Once its limbs were many
Now it doesn’t have any
Only the trunk remains there standing high
Like a mighty cannon pointed at the sky
Its life is over, no longer does it grow
What happened to cause this I do not know?
Its limbs used to reach the sky
And spread out over all that grew nearby
Squirrels ran up and down
And buried nuts underneath its ground
Birds made nests and sang their song
And played happily in it all day long
In the fall its leaves would die
And cover the ground like the stars in the sky
It would sleep there standing tall
All the days of winter until at last spring would call
Then once again, it would wake
And begin again its many leaves to make
Till it would once again be lush and tall
And all its friends would come to call
It was so beautiful and grand this one
What tragedy struck it that now its time in done?
Still it stands there strait if not so tall
And refuses to at last just fall
It is such a stubborn thing this old dead tree
Yet it may somehow live again so
For now I will just let it be
I guess it reminds me of someone
Who was just like that old tree
Someone I knew well, someone just like me
So we both stand here now as stubborn as can be
Myself and that old dead tree
Things Gone By
By
Jerry Wayne Humphrey
In the stillness of the early morning
They come to me without warning
They kidnap my mind and emotions showing no sympathy
The weapons used are taken from my own memory
Those things from times gone by
They are with me once again and I do not know why
They aren’t things that would make me
Laugh or even smile
They are the dark ones that make me sad
And make cry a while
Those things we wish we had said or done
Those opportunities that I missed
Now I see them every one
The times I wasted being mad
I could have spent being glad
I could have said this or I could have done that
Instead, I said nothing; all I did was be angry