NLP Techniques Anyone Can Use
by Roger R. W. Ellerton, PhD, CMC
Published by: Renewal Technologies Inc. at Smashwords.com.
Copyright 2010, 2011
Roger Ellerton
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
The information in this
book is not intended as a substitute for business, medical or
psychological counseling. The author and publisher disclaim any
responsibility or liability resulting from actions advocated or
discussed in this book.
Ellerton, Roger R. W.
NLP Techniques Anyone Can Use
ISBN: 978-0-9784452-1-8
1. Self Help.
2.
NLP
Second Edition ver. 2.1
Cover design and book layout by Roger Ellerton,
Discover other titles by Roger Ellerton, PhD, CMC at Smashwords.
Table of Contents
1. Introduction
At Cause or At Effect?
3. Gain a Different Perspective
Perceptual Positions – Walk a Mile in Someone Else’s Shoes
Foreground – Background
Walking with Grace and Power
6. Access Additional Mental Resources
Dock of the Bay
8. Improve Your Child’s Spelling
The Dickens Pattern
Do Some Research
Get Assistance from an NLP Coach
Take an NLP Training
13. About the Author: Roger Ellerton PhD, CMC
14. Products Developed by Roger Ellerton
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Preface
From time to time, each of us interprets the world, our actions or the actions of others in a way that holds us back from our true potential. NLP is a set of concepts and tools that we can use to attain our true potential if we are open to thinking differently or to seeing the world and those around us in a different way.
For almost 20 years, I have been studying, talking about, using and providing NLP-based coaching and training services and have observed the tremendous positive impact NLP principles and techniques have had on my clients. Personally, NLP has had a great influence on my own communication and the way I perceive and live life. As a Certified Management Consultant, former university professor and executive, I find NLP techniques invaluable for feeling resourceful and positive about myself, for gaining clarity on what I choose to achieve and for connecting with others as we express our differing points of view and work toward win-win results.
My purpose in writing this book is to briefly illustrate the power of NLP and to encourage you to explore how NLP concepts can make a difference in your life. I begin by showing that NLP is based on solid theoretical footings from respected disciplines such as: psychology, physiology, systems theory and communication. This is followed by ten typical NLP processes that anyone – parents, coaches, those in the helping professions, etc. – can use to help themselves or their children/clients to be more resourceful in certain situations, be more aware of their actions on others or to undertake interesting and challenging opportunities without being sidetracked by anxiety. Beyond this book, there are many other helpful NLP processes that are available to you, if you choose to take the time to explore the potential for you, your family, your work team, your clients, etc.
Two introductory books that cover all of the basic NLP concepts from two similar, yet different perspectives are: Live Your Dreams Let Reality Catch Up: NLP and Common Sense for Coaches, Managers and You (www.live-your-dreams.biz) and Parents’ Handbook: NLP and Common Sense Guide for Family Well-Being (www.parents-handbook.com). Both books are available from online book retailers and traditional bookstores. I highly recommend these books but then I am also the author.
Roger
Ellerton
Ottawa, Canada
www.renewal.ca
***
1. Introduction
NLP had its origins in the early 1970’s when a young college student (Richard Bandler) and an associate professor (John Grinder, PhD (transformational grammar)) at the University of California in Santa Cruz studied the work of and modeled Fritz Perls (gestalt therapy), Virginia Satir (family systems therapy) and Milton Erickson (hypnotherapy). They integrated their findings with results from transformational grammar (Noam Chomsky), cognitive psychology (George A. Miller, Eugene Galanter, and Karl H. Pribram) and anthropology and systems theory (Gregory Bateson). Thus NLP is built on a solid theoretical underpinning from anthropology, neurology, psychology, physiology, linguistics (transformational grammar), systems theory, general semantics, cybernetics and communication theory.
For one reason or another, Bandler and Grinder seemed to miss the fact that the ideas of Perls and Satir were based on the original work of Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers and others from the Human Potential Movement. These cutting-edge thinkers had helped set-up the Esalen Institute – a retreat center in Big Sur, California, United States, for humanistic alternative education in subjects such as meditation, massage, gestalt, yoga, psychology, ecology, spirituality, art, music and much more.
So what is NLP? Some NLP experts claim it’s a form of therapy, as it began with the modeling of therapists Perls, Satir and Erickson. Indeed, most or the original NLP books were written from a therapy point of view and NLP can claim countless significant successes in this area. You can also argue that NLP is more about psychological health (self-actualization) rather than therapy, as Perls, Satir and Bateson were part of the Human Potential Movement that is based on Maslow’s idea of modeling the best and healthiest in human nature.
Some NLP proponents confuse NLP with hypnosis or hypnotherapy, as many of the basic NLP principles and techniques are a result of understanding how Milton Erickson approached his work. The basis of Erickson’s success was his sensory acuity (paying attention), his ability to read non-verbal behavior, his ability to establish rapport with his clients, his skill with language patterns and his beliefs about his clients e.g.:
* Every behavior has a positive intention.
* Respect for the other person’s model of the world.
* There are no resistant clients, only inflexible therapists.
And then there are those who would argue since Perls, Satir and Erickson were also world-class communicators that NLP is more about communication – how people use words to inform themselves and others, and in so doing create an interpretation of reality, which then has a great bearing on the behaviors they manifest. The NLP communication model provides us with a very useful tool for understanding communication issues (with ourselves, others and work teams) and how these issues can be addressed. The processes used by Perls, Satir and Erickson were discovered by careful observation or modeling. Thus we are directed to the process of modeling – modeling excellence in whatever form it may be (e.g. public speaking, managing, parenting) and then showing others how they can use this information so they too may achieve similar results.
According to Michael Hall (www.neurosemantics.com), a noted NLP researcher and trainer, “And if they had really focused on that (communication), they might have turned to focus on business and if they had done that, the field of NLP could have possibly discovered the field of Coaching and would today own it. But they didn’t. It would be many years later before NLP applications for business would develop.” NLP has had a significant impact on business. After all, business runs on its ability to communicate within its organization and with external partners, customers and the general population. Today, many more NLP books are being written from a communication, business or coaching perspective.
Ten different NLP techniques are presented in the following chapters. Do not be fooled by their simplicity. If you are serious about making a difference in your life, in the lives of others, or in your business, these and other NLP techniques are the difference that will make the difference. Participating in an NLP process is like swimming in a swimming pool. You are not really swimming if you are holding tightly to the side of the pool. You have to let go to fully experience the joy of swimming. Same with the NLP processes, if you are holding on tightly to unresolved interpersonal issues, reasons why you can’t do something or circumstances that have limited you in the past, then you are not really exploring the true potential of NLP and your own true potential. Fully participate in these exercises – preferably with someone who can coach and share the journey of self-discovery with you – and bring what you have only dreamed of into reality.
A caution: The information in this book is not intended as a substitute for business, medical or psychological counseling. The author and publisher disclaim any responsibility or liability resulting from actions advocated or discussed in this book.
***
2. Take Responsibility
Do you feel you are a servant to your children or other family members, or do you set clear boundaries and take responsibility for your actions? This is an important distinction and is referred to as being at effect or at cause. It is the rare individual who always lives his/her life at cause; however, far too many of us live a large portion of our lives at effect - responding to the whims, desires or emotional states of others.
Being at cause means you are decisive in creating what you want in life and take responsibility for whatever you achieve. You see the world as a place of opportunity and you move toward achieving what you desire. If things are not unfolding as you would like, you take action and explore other possibilities. Above all, you know you have choice in what you do and how you react to people and events.
If you are at effect, you may blame others or circumstances for your bad moods, for what you have not achieved or for the disarray in your family. You avoid taking responsibility for your actions. You may feel powerless or depend on others in order to feel good about yourself or about life. You may think, “If only my partner, parents, children, friends understood me and helped me achieve my dreams or did what I wanted or what is best for me, then life would be great.” If you wait and hope for things to be different or for others to provide you with results or happiness, you are at effect, or a victim of circumstances. And really, how satisfying is that? How satisfying do you think it is for others to be around you? Believing that someone else is responsible for your happiness or your different moods is very limiting and gives this person mystical powers over you, which can cause you and often the other person a great deal of anguish.
Being at cause means you have choices in your life. You can choose what is best for you while ensuring the choice is ecological for those around you. That is, you consider the consequences of your actions on others, while not taking responsibility for their emotional well-being. Believing you are responsible for the emotional well-being of someone else places a heavy burden upon you and can cause a great deal of stress.
Those who live their lives at effect often see themselves as victims with no choices whatsoever. The truth is that they do have choices, yet they’ve chosen not to take action. They are simply reactive to whatever is thrust upon them.
Emotions such as guilt, fear, anxiety and resentment are the result of being at effect. These emotions can wear heavily on your body and your life, and can be the root cause of many physical and personal issues.
Taking responsibility and being at cause for what you create provides an opportunity for significant change, in your relationships with your children, your partner and others.
Each morning when you get up, you can either ask yourself, “I wonder what my day will bring,” or “What do I choose to bring to my day?” The life you live and what you create for your children is a function of what you choose.
An exercise
As you do this and other exercises, fully engage it and explore the question, “What will I learn about myself or others?” You may feel a little anxious not knowing what you may discover - stepping into “what you don’t know you don’t know.” This is a journey of self-discovery and all answers are valid. Take your time and fully understand and appreciate the answers you get.
Begin by picking a place in the room that for you represents “100% responsibility” for the issue that you want to gain more clarity on. Step into that space and complete the following sentences out loud. You may do this and other exercises alone or with a coach (A coach can be a friend or other family member. Performing this and other exercises with a partner often encourages you to become more involved in the exercise and to be more truthful in your answers.):
Face a direction that for you represents the past.
“Looking at the past, this issue reminds me of _______________.”
Once you have fully considered and completed the above sentence, turn and face a direction that represents the present.
“I keep this an issue in my life by _______________.”
When you have fully considered this new answer, face a direction that represents the future.
“I can create what I truly desire by _______________.”
Taking into account what you have learned from completing these three sentences, what actions will you undertake to make a difference in your life and in your relationships with family members?
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3. Gain a Different Perspective