Gay Believers
Homosexuality and Religion
by Emily Sanna
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PUBLISHED BY:
Mason Crest Publishers on Smashwords
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Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1. Sexual Preference and Religion: What Are the Issues?
Chapter 2. Christianity
Chapter 3. Judaism
Chapter 4. Islam
Chapter 5. Hinduism
Chapter 6. Buddhism
Index
About the Author and the Consultant
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Introduction
We are both individuals and community members. Our differences define individuality; our commonalities create a community. Some differences, like the ability to run swiftly or to speak confidently, can make an individual stand out in a way that is viewed as beneficial by a community, while the group may frown upon others. Some of those differences may be difficult to hide (like skin color or physical disability), while others can be hidden (like religious views or sexual orientation). Moreover, what some communities or cultures deem as desirable differences, like thinness, is a negative quality in other contemporary communities. This is certainly the case with sexual orientation and gender identity, as explained in Homosexuality Around the World, one of the volumes in this book series.
Often, there is a tension between the individual (individual rights) and the community (common good). This is easily visible in everyday matters like the right to own land versus the common good of building roads. These cases sometimes result in community controversy and often are adjudicated by the courts.
An even more basic right than property ownership, however, is one’s gender and sexuality. Does the right of gender expression trump the concerns and fears of a community or a family or a school? Feeling Wrong in Your Own Body, as the author of that volume suggests, means confronting, in the most personal way, the tension between individuality and community. And, while a community, family, and school have the right (and obligation) to protect its children, does the notion of property rights extend to controlling young adults’ choice as to how they express themselves in terms of gender or sexuality?
Changes in how a community (or a majority of the community) thinks about an individual right or responsibility often precedes changes in the law enacted by legislatures or decided by courts. And for these changes to occur, individuals (sometimes working in small groups) often defied popular opinion, political pressure, or religious beliefs. Some of these trends are discussed in A New Generation of Homosexuality. Every generation (including yours!) stands on the accomplishments of our ancestors and in Gay and Lesbian Role Models you’ll be reading about some of them.
One of the most pernicious aspects of discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is that “homosexuality” is a stigma that can be hidden (see the volume about Homophobia). While some of my generation (I was your age in the early 1960s) think that life is so much easier being “queer” in the age of the Internet, Gay-Straight Alliances, and Ellen, in reality, being different in areas where difference matters is always difficult. Coming Out, as described in the volume of the same title, is always challenging—for both those who choose to come out and for the friends and family they trust with what was once a hidden truth. Being healthy means being honest—at least to yourself. Having supportive friends and family is most important, as explained in Being Gay, Staying Healthy.
Sometimes we create our own “families”—persons bound together by love and identity but not by name or bloodline. This is quite common in gay communities today as it was several generations ago. Forming families or small communities based on rejection by the larger community can also be a double-edged sword. While these can be positive, they may also turn into prisons of conformity. Does being lesbian, for example, mean everyone has short hair, hates men, and drives (or rides on) a motorcycle? What Does It Mean to Be Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender? “smashes” these and other stereotypes.
Another common misconception is that “all gay people are alike”—a classic example of a stereotypical statement. We may be drawn together because of a common prejudice or oppression, but we should not forfeit our individuality for the sake of the safety of a common identity, which is one of the challenges shown in Gay People of Color: Facing Prejudices, Forging Identities.
Coming out to who you are is just as important as having a group or “family” within which to safely come out. Becoming knowledgeable about these issues (through the books in this series and the other resources to which they will lead), feeling good about yourself, behaving safely, actively listening to others and to your inner spirit—all this will allow you to fulfill your promise and potential.
James T. Sears, PhD
Consultant
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Chapter 1
Sexual Preference and Religion: What Are the Issues?
Lauren has always loved church. She loves the songs, she loves praying, she loves reading the Bible. Growing up, she loved the feeling she had at church of connecting to God with a group of other people who worshipped Him in the same way.
But Lauren no longer feels that way. As a teenager, she’s realized she is a lesbian—and her church has no place in its pews for homosexuals. She can either deny the reality of her sexual preference, or she can leave her church, condemned as a sinner living outside Christ’s salvation.
Lauren feels angry and confused. In many ways, she still believes the way she always has. She wants to worship God the way she always has. Evangelical Christianity is a part of who she is—but so is being a lesbian. She wants to believe God does not condemn her for her sexual preferences, but at the same time, she doesn’t really know how to think about God anymore. Does God believe she is a sinner, the way her church does?
“You can’t be a Jew and be gay.”
That’s what Joel’s older sister Kate told him, when he confided in her that he thought he was more attracted to other boys than he was to girls.
“So you better get over that right now,” Kate continued. “Because if Mom finds out, she’ll be really upset.”
Joel knew his mother wanted all her kids to get married and give her grandchildren. But his oldest sister Judy was thirty-five, and still didn’t have any children, although she was married. Judy was a lawyer, and she said she didn’t have time to have children. Their mother disapproved and fretted and complained—but it wasn’t that big of a deal. Would it be that much worse if his parents found out he was homosexual?
Two years later, when Joel was seventeen, he finally revealed to his parents that he was gay. They didn’t seem angry, only sad and worried. “See, that wasn’t so terrible,” Joel remembers saying to Kate. “They’ll get used to the idea, and then everything will be fine.”
“I hope so,” was all Kate said.
Two weeks later, Joel’s mother announced that she had made an appointment for him to see a psychologist. “He’s Jewish,” she told Joel, “and he works exclusively with people like you, people who are strugglers.”
“Strugglers?” Joel didn’t think he needed to see a psychologist, but at this point, he still wasn’t expecting what was coming next. He assumed his mom thought a therapist could help him cope with the stress of coming out as a gay Jewish man.
“That’s the word the therapist used,” his mother said. “People who are trying to overcome their same-sex attraction so that they can live the Jewish faith. He was very positive. He says he’s never had a failure, that all his clients are eventually able to get over their homosexual urges and go on to have happy marriages.”
The next few weeks were full of tension in Joel’s family. His two sisters sided with him and argued with their parents against the decision to send Joel to a therapist. Their father was silent, their mother cried. In the end, Joel went to the appointment with the psychologist.
The man was respectful and pleasant, but Joel was too angry to give him a chance. After a few sessions, though, Joel was starting to feel confused. Maybe the guy was right; maybe he could stop being attracted to other men. Maybe he should. Joel felt guilty and upset.
For weeks, Joel lay awake at night, talking to God in his mind, trying to sort out his confusion. These times of prayer gave him a sense of peace. He felt as though God were the only thing in his life he was sure of now, the only one who understood him, who didn’t care what he was. He knew that whatever route he chose, he wanted to keep that connection to God alive in his life.
Eventually, Joel went to talk to his rabbi. He felt awkward at first, but eventually, he was able to tell the rabbi his whole story. He finished by saying, “I’m not even sure who I am anymore. If I’m gay, then that apparently means I’m not Jewish. I don’t want to lose being Jewish. But at the same time, if being Jewish means I can’t be gay . . . well, I’m not sure I can handle that either.”