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UNITY IN GENDER DIVERISTY
Unity in Gender Diversity is devoted to furthering Love, Peace and Acceptance of God’s Truth, through the metaphysical teachings of Jesus. Our focus is on the awareness that we are, aware in each moment, Co-creators of Divine Peace - Love - Joy, and here to awaken as many Loving Souls as we can through Spiritual Peacemaking, Providing Information and Educating.
Unity in Gender Diversity is a virtual ministry located on the internet and in SecondLife.com. Where we examine the complex aspects of spirituality and gender identity on this life journey I call the ‘Journey of Love.’ The internet website, eBooks, articles, informative videos, inspiring quotes, photos, quizzes and surveys were chosen in order to reach as large an audience as possible. All has been carefully thought out and presented for your information, contemplation and enjoyment. After reading this book I invite you to check out the website below and share your thoughts with the links provided.
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Sex and Sexuality
One Woman’s Journey of Discovery
By Sequoia Elisabeth
Table of Contents
Chapter 2 - Treatise to Terminology
Chapter 3 - Gender Discoveries
Chapter 5 - The Rod and the Receptacle
Chapter 6 - Sex Acts and Partners
Chapter 7 - My Gender Experience
Chapter 9 - Sex as Communication
Chapter 10 - SecondLife Possibilities
Chapter 11 - A Journey of Discovery
Other eBooks by Sequoia Elisabeth
Chapter 1 - Introduction
Welcome to the Journey of Love! This book is about your life, however since I really only know about my life I am going to use it to illustrate the message. Sex and sexuality are important aspects of life which some people cannot get off their minds and there is a reason for this which we will be taking a look at. I acknowledge that there is much more to life than sex and sexuality. However it does demand a large part of our conscious thought, so we will look more intimately at the roles of sex and sexuality in our lives in order to better know the self.
This is why I have chosen the sub-title One Woman’s Journey of Discovery, because we will be discovering beautiful wonders as we journey deep within the mind. This journey is illustrated by the events of my life and colored by my perspective on Love, Sex, Sexuality, and Spirituality. Even though this journey is extensive it is not difficult unless you say it is. When road blocks are encountered along the path I suggest you say to yourself, “I step forward in faith and love, knowing that goodness lies before me. I accept what I have created as being in my best interest and I ask that Great Spirit walk with me to show me the way.” This is similar to citing the 23rd Psalm,
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.”
It really is whatever feels best to you. Because ultimately you are running this show and I am simply your guide. I trust that you will enjoy the journey and that you will continue to ask questions along the way. There are answers to all your questions, so just be patient and open minded as they often pop up in the strangest places. Some people call this coincidence, however I call this synchronicity.
Chapter 2 - Treatise to Terminology
Before we go any further on this journey it is in the best interest of complete understanding that we cover a few terms that may or may not confuse you along the way. These terms are much debated in the academic circles, so neither take offense in the definitions I offer here, nor feel constrained to accept these definitions. It is my sincere hope that your understanding of the material here is deepened by the definitions to follow.
Androgynous - The absence of gender or a mixture of both traits to result in a neutral appearance. This is an appearance or presentation chosen by the individual.
Asexual - Indicating lack of interest in sexual activity.
Assigned Gender - The declaration by doctors of what one’s gender is based upon genitalia appearance at birth. One is then expected to grow up and exist within a certain set of gender roles “appropriate” to one’s assigned gender.
Bisexual - Sexual attraction to both men and women.
Closet, In the - Not disclosing or being secretive about the sexual orientation and/or gender identity of oneself.
Coming Out - the process of becoming aware of, understanding, and accepting the sexual orientation, gender identity, and/or gender expression of the self. Also, the ongoing process of decision making about the level of openness a person feels in disclosing such information about oneself to others.
Crossdresser - a person who wears the socially assigned clothes of the opposite gender in a temporary fashion and often behind closed doors.
CHT, Contra Hormone Therapy - The medical administration of hormones to suppress existing hormones and supply the hormones of the perceived gender. Used to treat Gender Incongruity or Gender Dysphoria. Not to be confused with HRT.
Cisgender or Cysgender - Specifically means “not-transgender”, and is used to mean genetic girl (GG) or genetic boy (GB). A person with a matching gender identity and physical sex who has never questioned their gender
Genderqueer - A person who "bends" the socially accepted "rules" of gender presentation. Often used as a catchall term for anyone not fitting into gender roles, and feels like they do not fit the other terms.
DRAG - Dressed As a Girl, Wearing the clothes of the female sex. Originally used in theatre of old England when women were not allowed to perform so the men played all roles. Now days it is still used for theatrical purposes, but also carries the implication of being Gay or Transgender. See “Drag Queen and Drag King”.
Drag King - A gay female who dresses in men’s clothing, usually in a theatrical manner and often will perform on stage (i.e. Drag Show). Usually this is done for fun and has become popular with heterosexual woman and men who are comfortable with their sexuality. It is very popular in the lesbian community and does not indicate the individual is transgender although sometimes they are.
Drag Queen - A gay male who dresses in women’s clothing, usually in an extravagant manner and often will perform on stage (i.e. Drag Show). Usually this is done for fun and has become popular with heterosexual woman and men who are comfortable with their sexuality. It is also done to attract the attention of other gay men.
Female Impersonator - A male who performs in the role of a female, sometimes lip synching , sometimes able to sing or speak in a female voice, exaggerating the mannerisms of the star being impersonated. “La Cage show” in Las Vegas is a good example.
Feminine - The traits of a woman such as soft, curvy, voluptuous, attractive, receptive, subtle, gentle and serene. This energy is slow moving and emotional. It is equated with the Yin in Eastern Philosophy. This term can be somewhat ambiguous and depends on use, location and nationality of user. It can be referred to as a feeling or an appearance.
Femme - This term can be used to identify any person who expresses and/or presents culturally/stereotypically hyper-feminine characteristics. A person, who self-identifies, mainly with the stereotypically feminine end of a gender characteristic spectrum.
FtoM - Female to Male transsexual
Full-time - Living 24/7; living all the time as the gender which one self-identifies.
Gay - A man who is attracted to other men. Sometimes used to refer to women who are attracted to women. See “Homosexual”
Gender Identity - Separate and different from an individual’s physical sex or sexual orientation (hetero, homo, bi, or asexual), it is an individual’s perception of the inner self as man, woman or some combination of both, transgender.
Gender Dysphoria - The condition where a person’s gender identity is incongruent with their anatomical sex.
Gender Identity Disorder - The American Psychiatric Association’s terminology for Gender Dysphoria. There is no known cure for GID except to transition the patient to the opposite gender.
Gender Incongruency - A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/ expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months duration.
Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS) - see Sexual Reassignment Surgery, also now being referred to as Genital Reassignment Surgery.
Gender Role - Society’s expectations of how a certain gender should behave. These expectations are changing as society grows and are becoming more universal and nondescript.
Getting Read - Being detected as a person who is crossdressed.
Heterosexual - A person who is attracted to the opposite sex or gender.
Homosexual - A person who is attracted to the same sex or gender.
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) - The medical administration of hormones to replace hormones due to surgery or menopause. Used to treat cisgender women. See “CHT for transgender hormone treatment”
Intersex - An individual born with both male and female sexual organs or parts of both. Historically called hermaphrodite, however this term is no longer in use.
Lesbian - A woman who is attracted to other women, see “Homosexual”.
Male Impersonator - A female who performs in the role of a male, sometimes lip synching , sometimes able to sing or speak in a male voice, exaggerating the mannerisms of the star being impersonated. “Victor-Victoria” the stage production and movie is a good example.
Man - A person who presents themselves as “male” or a male gender role. FtoM transgender and transsexual individuals see themselves as a man in a female body.
Masculine - The traits of a man, such as strong, hard, angular, rough, aggressive, and active. This energy is often fast moving and less emotional than the feminine. It is equated with the Yang in the Eastern Philosophies. This is an often ambiguous term that can be either a feeling or an appearance.
MtoF - Male to Female transsexual
Non-Operative (Non-Op) - A term to describe transgender individuals who have not had and may not desire to have sexual reassignment surgery.
Pansexual - A person who is sexually attracted to all sexes or genders including intersex and transgender. A term intended to negate the idea of two genders.
Passing - The ability to go undetected as a transgender person, also applies to crossdressing
Pre-operative (Pre-op) - A term used to describe transsexual individuals who plan to have SRS.
Post-operative (Post-op) - A term used to describe transsexual individuals who have undergone SRS.
Sex - The physical sexual organs, what is between the legs. This can change due to sexual reassignment surgery. Includes male, female and intersex.
Sexuality - Sexual energy and Spiritual essence. The creative force of energy or God force, the essence of who you are.
Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS) - When an individual’s sex organs are surgically altered to match the inner perceived gender. Basically a male sex organ is changed to a female appearance, or a female sex organ is changed to appear as male as possible. The new techniques are quite advanced and very realistic when done properly.
She-Male or Shemale - A term that came from the porn business and describes a man with breasts, or a person with both breasts and male genitalia. This is considered a derogatory term. The proper term is pre-op transsexual or non-op transgender. If you see this term it indicates the porn or sex trade. Always ask a person how they identify when you do not know.
Standards of Care - The medical protocol defining the controlled process consisting of psychological therapy, hormone therapy, real life test, transitioning to the desired gender and sexual reassignment surgery
Trannie or Tranny - Derogatory slang terms. Do not use. See “Transgender and Transsexual”.
Tranny chaser or TransFan - An individual who is attracted to transgender people. A fetish-like attraction to the penis of a pre-operative or non-operative transwoman MTF or to the vagina of a pre- or non-operative transman FTM.
Transition - movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another. In relation to gender it is the period when a person begins living in the desired gender in gradual stages. It is often a very long process involving years and involves physical, mental, and spiritual changes.
Transvestite - A person who dresses and acts in a style or manner traditionally associated with the opposite sex, often doing this full time. This term is no longer used.
Transgender - A person appearing to or attempting to be a member of the opposite sex, such as a transsexual or habitual crossdresser, this is an umbrella term often used to include the entire community of individuals who cross gender boundaries on a consistent basis.
Transsexual - A person having a strong desire to assume the physical characteristics and gender role of the opposite sex, and who has undergone hormone treatment and surgery to attain the physical characteristics of the opposite sex.
Two-Spirit - A term adopted in 1990 by the third annual intertribal Native American/First Nations gay and lesbian conference to refer to Native Americans who are believed to have both male and female souls in one body.
Woman - A person who identifies and presents themselves as a “female” or a female gender role. MtoF transgender and transsexual individuals see themselves as a woman in a male body.
Now that we have covered the terms that apply to the journey we are about to embark on, we can safely navigate the twists and turns of sex, sexuality, gender identity, and sexual orientation. If you run across anything that puzzles you, please write to me and I will do my best to clarify. Contact information is provided on the Unity in Gender Diversity website.
Chapter 3 - Gender Discoveries
What is gender and why do I care? Most people in society go about their business and never give their gender a second thought; however, I have a light to shine on this subject so we can all have a deeper understanding of who we are and why this is important. Every day we interact with any number of individuals and with repeat interactions we can say we know a person. The level of interaction will vary in importance and significance to us. This aspect of our being called ‘gender’ is actually an important function of how we react to others and how they treat us.
Of course gender is just one aspect of our nature, we have many others including but not limited to, personality, demeanor, attitude, physical sex, physical attractiveness, body habitus (fat, muscular, slouching, etc.), height, intelligence, common sense, and self-actualization. When we meet someone new a few of the first things we notice are the persons size (both body habitus and height), gender, attractiveness, and how comfortable they are with themselves. The package you present is a total summation of your nature and nurture. So some aspects are a gift from birth and others are learned along the way. The innate ones such as height, gender, common sense and physical attractiveness (for the most part) we must do our best to live with. This means that personality, demeanor, attitude, physical sex, body habitus, intelligence, and self- actualization are not fixed; they can change. These are attributes of our nature that we have some control over. Gender is innate which means that we are born with our gender and we cannot change this, unless we get a new brain.
If we look a bit closer we see that there are different aspects of gender that are important to our understanding, such as gender identity, gender expression, and gender role. One of the challenges we have today is the popular confusion of gender and sex which are often used interchangeably. If nothing else I would like you to come away from this chapter with an understanding of the differences of these two words. Sex is a word that has many usages and thus the confusion creeps in. In Dictionary.com 13 different definitions come up with this simple 3 letter word. Not to imply that the definitions in Dictionary.com are correct, only that there are many uses. I am simply asking that you clarify which form of sex you are speaking of. When we are born the first thing the parents want to know is, whether the child a boy or a girl (physical sex) and in this case we are talking about physical sex not gender identity or even gender role. To use gender in this reference is incorrect! Our sex is determined by the physical body parts between our legs that we are given at birth, and gender is determined by the body part between our ears! With today’s new surgical techniques physical sex can be changed if need be. Is a woman who has had a complete hysterectomy still a woman? Is this person still female? What factor is it that makes a person male or female? What makes a person man or woman?
Gender Identity is a person’s innate sense of being masculine or feminine, which cannot be determined until the person is at least 3 years old and often it is 5-6 years of age before anyone is able to know the true gender identity by the individual telling you. This inner knowing of the individual means that no other person is able to determine the gender identity, we are self-identified. The Native Americans know this and (without the influence of western religion) often will not name their child until they are 4-6 years old in order to allow them to express their gender identity and find their place in the tribe. At first they use a baby name or generic name, until this time and often the naming involves the entire family including the child and sometimes the tribe. Once their name is given the person wears it like a badge of honor, because it reflects their very nature, Great Spirit.
Context of usage is very important and I would like to clarify this right here. What I have described above is Gender Identity, what the parents are told at birth is the physical sex, how the person dresses is the gender expression and how this person acts in society is the gender role they are playing. So we must see the context of the word usage before we can understand which ‘gender’ is being referred to. As I pointed out before, the word sex has many uses and gender is not one of them. I would love to see society get away from using physical sex to describe a child’s gender or anyone’s gender identity for that matter, most children as I stated above have no gender till they are 3-6 years old. Often what would happen is the child is ‘sexed’ at birth and so society places that child in a gender role which is hard for a youngster to see beyond. Fortunately the children being born today are more aware than ever before and they are expressing their gender identity at a very early age. Many parents understand this and respect their child, however many others do not and that is where we each can help by raising the general knowledge of Gender Identity. I would love to see a society that reflects the wisdom of our Native American ancestors by honoring the individual and allowing the child to choose the gender role.
A few words about the differences of gender role and gender expression, while they are similar in that they are a choice, they are different in that gender expression is about our outer appearance and gender role is the activities we are involved in. So wearing make-up and female clothes is a female gender expression, while a female gender role would be cleaning house and babysitting. I hesitate to include this here as our roles and expressions are getting to be so varied and free. The old rules are breaking down, so we are seeing women in combat duty now while 20 years ago that was almost unheard of. Men are cleaning house, washing dishes and babysitting now days too and this does not make them female. The best way I can put it is that we are integrating now as a society and our roles and gender expressions are much more open.
While a man in a woman’s role or a woman in a man’s role may be questioned, or even ridiculed, society is more accepting of role reversals and integration now. Gender expression is the area which has less latitude. In a male dominated society men expressing as woman are questioned far sooner than a woman expressing as a man. It is assumed that everyone wants to be male!
Research has been done on what happens in fetal development and how this affects gender identity. What determines Gender Identity is the effect of hormones on the fetus in the earliest stages of development. “Scientific evidence has been growing that somehow certain brain-structures in the hypothalamus (the BSTc region) determine each person's core gender feelings and innate gender identity. These structures are "hard-wired" pre-natally in the lower brain centers and central nervous system (CNS) during the early stages of pregnancy”. (Dennis, Carina 2004)
“Six years ago, the Netherlands Institute of Brain Research published the results of a study they had been conducting…. A subsequent report was published last year in the leading international journal for neurological studies, The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism [85 (5): 2034-41; May, 2000]…. What the researchers found were significant differences in the brains of men and women relevant to reproductive hormones, cognition, emotions and our body's responses to them. The differences were both in magnitude and consistency and involve a region of the hypothalamus identified as the BSTc. Human males average about twice as many neurons within the BSTc as do females. In both males and females, transsexuals did not have the neuron number typical of their gender, but, instead, had the number typical of the sex they always believed they should be.” (Niedermayer, Grace 2004)
It is believed that certain genes also play a role in gender development, and the exact process is being studied now. Gender variance is a natural process that occurs in all species of animals.
Thanks to high school biology, we are accustomed to thinking of the sex of an organism as being determined by the chromosomes, notably the sex chromosome in humans (designated X or Y). But this is not the whole story, and it applies universally only to mammals and birds. In other animals sex is often determined by environmental factors and can be a variable phenomenon. In a species of slipper limpet (Crepidula fornicata), a kind of mollusk, all individuals begin life as females. Clinging to rocks and to each other, they form piles. The limpet on top of the pile changes into a male. If another limpet attaches itself on top of the male limpet, the newcomer becomes male, and the male limpet beneath it reverts to being female. These slipper limpets show the evolutionarily advanced feature of internal fertilization, and the male on top extends his reproductive organ down the pile of females below him to fertilize their eggs. For some fish, the number of males in the population determines the sex of the fish. If there are not enough males, some females become males. In these examples, the same animal can make fertile eggs and fertile sperm at different times in its life. These animals are not hermaphrodites, like some worms, but literally change sex. Some animals have only one sex. For instance, some species of lizards reproduce only by parthenogenesis—that is, their unfertilized eggs grow into adults, and these species no longer have males. Sometimes the external temperature determines the sex of an animal during its early development. If the eggs of the American alligator (Alligator mississippiensis) are incubated at above 34 degrees Celsius (93° F), all of the offspring become males. If they are incubated below 30 degrees Celsius (86° F), they become females. The midrange of temperatures results in both male and female offspring. (Sex, Dictionary.com 2010)
Why humans get so upset about this seems very strange to me and I would surmise that this arises from religious teachings. Specifically the ones which think of themselves as not animals, but above them. The previous article demonstrates that physical sex is not fixed at birth and can change which goes for mammals and birds. Both mammals and birds have been found that demonstrate either intersex traits or transgender traits. The research on gender is somewhat new (within the last one hundred years) and so advances in our understanding are rapidly progressing these days.
In review of our basic question, “what is gender and why do I care?” we have established that gender is an important aspect of our social interactions and has three aspects, identity, expression and role. We have learned that we are not to confuse physical sex and gender identity. The words gender and sex are NOT interchangeable. We established that research shows gender identity is “hard wired” into our brains and is determined by a combination of genes and hormones. So now let us look even closer and break down Gender into five separate aspects. These attributes come from an article Dr. Carl Bushong wrote in 1995, and I highly recommend reading his entire article, available at doctorbushong.com.
The Five Attributes of Gender
Genetic Gender - Our chromosomal inheritance made up of chromosomes and genes.
Physical Gender - Our primary and secondary sexual characteristics, which include our sexual organs and our physical appearance.
Brain Gender - The functional structure of the brain along gender lines.
Brain Sex - Our love/sex patterns, and how we relate to others on a social and interpersonal as well as sexual level, often referred to as our "Sexual Orientation".
Gender Identity - Our subjective gender or how we feel ourselves to be: male, female or other.
It is important to understand that these 5 attributes function independently of each other, so there are numerous combinations that manifest in society. The five attributes of gender that contribute to our “complete package” are complex and can be confusing to both the person affected and to the people who they interact with. One of the consequences of this confusion arises when a baby is born intersex, which means the child has either both male and female sexual organs or parts of both. In the past the surgeon would sometimes decide which sex is appropriate, usually after consulting the parents but not always. The tragedy occurs when the sex chosen does not match the gender identity which leads to anger and frustration for the child and sometimes to suicide. Thankfully, the trend now is to wait for the child to express their gender identity and can give consent to the surgery which puts the power back where it belongs in the hands of the individual. Pay close attention to the conclusions of William Reiner, M.D., a pediatric clinician and researcher at Johns Hopkins Hospital, based on his work with intersex children: