How to Be Happy
Today Tomorrow And Beyond
When was the last time you woke up knowing you could face the day?
Has smiling become a thing of the past?
Have you tried everything to make yourself happy? But failed miserably
Where do you see yourself in 6 months from now? If you stay on the same path.
Table of Contents
© Copyright 2009 by Carol Langley
Cover Design by Carol Langley
Book Design by Carol Langley
No part of this book maybe reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
Carol Langley
Visit my website at www.iamfirst.webs.com
This information is not presented by a medical practitioner and is for educational and informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard.
BEYOURSELF
Live your life the way you want to and not how other people say you should. It is too easy to go along a path that wasn’t meant for you, take the first step now and ask yourself “What do I want out of life.”You might just surprise yourself, or could be like me and hit a blank wall, this is the question I asked myself just over 12 months ago, when my partner and I split up, there was a large age gap and other factors involved, but the break up hit me harder than I ever thought possible, I was absolutely devastated. I drank solidly for 4 months, then it happened, my first ever panic attack at the age of fifty, these went on every day for six months. I am presuming that something or someone is making you unhappy, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this now, but I can tell you there is a way to turn your life around.
First thing you need to do is put yourself first, this may seem an odd thing to say, maybe even a bit selfish, but just think about it for a minute. How can you expect someone to love and respect you, when you cannot do it for yourself? Make this your new rule in life, put yourself on a pedestal, and stay up there.
Love yourself silly, after all you are priceless, not another one like you. Once you start to adopt this attitude, your confidence will boost
Stand in front of your mirror and send yourself love, just blow a kiss to yourself, might be a good idea to do this when you’re alone. It avoids having to explain why you’re doing it.
We are more likely to believe someone if they look us in the eye, well it’s the same for you. You need to convince your subconscious mind, that you’re serious.
Maybe your thinking I don’t have money to treat myself, I’m not just talking clothes shopping, even the smallest thing, a bar of chocolate will do, the point being it is something “You” have done for yourself. Indulge in a bubble bath, go mad and open a bottle of cream that was bought for you at Christmas the one you’re keeping for that special occasion.
How many times have you done something with everyone’s best interest at heart, but not
your own? We always seem to want to go that extra mile when it comes to helping people around us, regardless of who they are. But when it comes to ourselves, we seem to hold back in ourselves.
I’m as guilty of this as the next person is, but what you don’t realise is this. After a while you start chipping away at your own being, losing confidence, self worth, and respect. This isn’t done over night but more of a slow drip, eventually over time developing into a small stream. Even at this point it may be hard to notice the affects it is having on you as a person.
Then something comes along and BANG we have left the stream and heading out to see without a paddle, this is when you find you haven’t got your life jacket on. Yes you might get the odd few throwing you a life line to pull you back in, but the ride is simply a long bumpy one.
What makes it even worse is that you seem to have lost the ability to save yourself. Doing it for others became second nature to you, never thinking about the consequences, or if you even had the ability to do it. You just went straight in, half the time like a blind fool.
This is the time we need to take stock of our lives; serious questions need to be asked if we are ever going to be that person we once set out to be. This is something only you can do, so asking others is only going to confuse you even more.
Never putting yourself first will literally make you feel like a stranger to yourself. It will feel strange at first, to say the least. At this point I can sympathise with anyone, you really do feel isolated and scared, not knowing which way to turn for the best.
Look back at a time when you first met someone, let’s say your partner, at first you were all shy around him, not sure of who he was. Then after time and a lot of talking, you start feeling good around him, eventually you put your trust in him, knowing he would never do anything that would hurt you. His mere presence made you feel safe and cherished.
Now start applying this to yourself, until you feel that same feeling. It is bound to be strange, even uncomfortable at first, remember you never really got to know your true self.
But I can guarantee this; once you do there will be no looking back. It becomes a normal part of your daily life, even your existence.
You come as a package, your health, mind and body and spiritually. They all have to be looked at, so there working in harmony together. The reward you will get from achieving this is better than anything you could truly imagine.
Let people see the real you, not the one that has been hiding behind all the fears and stress of life, you can’t escape from this, but you can build up a new resilient person, who thrives on challenges and knowing what they want out of life, and are not afraid to go after it at any cost.
If you’re feeling down the last thing you want to be doing is sitting around all day. Get yourself busy, keep your mind active. Learning new things will keep your mind off negative thoughts. After all they are usually only silly unimportant things that constantly niggle at you and drive you mad.
The need for relaxation is important, but for most of us it is a neglected part of life. Allowing yourself to slow down will clear your mind. You need to focus only on what’s important in your life. Start getting things in perspective.
Not knowing what we want in the first place leaves us vulnerable. We then leave ourselves open wide and let other people take over and run our lives. Only slight at first, but the more we allow it the worse it will get. The scary thing about this is, we don’t even know that it is happening. It has a snow ball effect.
Once you’re relaxed and your mind is quiet is the time to start asking yourself questions. I like to write things down, just put down anything that comes to mind, even if it only seems small. Learning how to approach a problem is a life skill. Many of us have never been learnt how to do it. I only started looking at my life and my inner self when I started having panic attacks.
We all take life’s knocks some time or another; we often learn through our mistakes, this should make us strong, ensuring that we don’t carry on down the same destructive path. So why is it we carry on doing it to ourselves?
We simply get wrapped up in the lives of others, never giving our needs a thought. We simply don’t trust ourselves, when it comes to making decisions. We are all given our own minds, yet we constantly use others. If you went to a cash machine and it seemed to be working alright, would you then feel the need to use another?
There is nothing wrong with asking someone’s opinion, which you could use as well as your own. But the final outcome must come from you. This is your life we are talking about, so it is not something to be taken lightly. You only get one shot so make sure it is you firing the bullet.
When you cross a road it is you that makes the decision as to whether it is safe or not. Your mind is constantly on the lookout at protecting you. It will do whatever it takes to keep you happy and safe. If only you would stop for a minute and listen to it.
We are all more than capable of making our own decisions, but then we start to lose ourselves; our minds become our own worst enemy. We simply let our negative thoughts run our lives. Losing confidence in ourselves.
If you won the lottery how good would you feel, no doubt ten on the scale, but you couldn’t be like that all the time your body wouldn’t be able to take it, all those chemicals flying around. Remember with the highs comes the lows, when it comes to being happy aim for a 5 it’s a nice feeling in-between that leaves you feeling content within.
When we are unhappy we get caught up in an ever ending circle. Always believing that our life is doomed in some way. Learning to control your thoughts will eventually break the cycle. People tend to think that life is greener on the other side. Only to find when they get there it’s not.
You cannot look at someone happy, and then say I want to be like them. What’s making them happy isn’t going to do the same for you, if it was that simple we would all be like robots doing the same thing. And thank God we are not; this is what makes us humans different from anything else our ability to achieve whatever we want. We just need to tap into our own minds to find it.
Imagine going into a library where every book was just thrown on the floor in a pile. How long would it take you to find the book you wanted? You would probably give up after half an hour; well it’s the same with your mind. First steps are to clear the cobwebs, so you know what you’re looking for and then start planning. Do this in stages, start with the foundations. This is you.
Have a complete sort out both inside and outside your head. If you had clothes in your wardrobe that served no purpose, either too big to small out of fashion, they would simply get chucked out, but for some bizarre reason, we cling to old unhappy thoughts. It’s true we cannot fully delete them, but we can keep them at the far end of our library, under miscellaneous, after all there neither one thing nor another now.
Living in the past keeps you in limbo, you will never be able to move on until you let go. It is nothing more than excess baggage weighing you down. There are too many emotions and then comes all the, what if this and what if that, yes lessons are learnt by past experiences. Putting your hand in the fire will burn you, but you don’t have to relive the moment constantly to know that it hurt.
Use the past to your advantage, if something didn’t work out then try a new approach. If a relationship went sour, spice up your next relationship. If money is an
Issue, think of ways that will increase your income. Explore every avenue until you get it right.
HEALTH
Keep yourself healthy, eat well, and get plenty of exercise and sleep. No excuses haven’t got time, make time, this is important, or you will burn yourself out. The way we live today puts an enormous amount of stress on our bodies, which left unchecked, can lead to illness and mental problems.
If money is an issue, go for a walk, just twenty minutes can have a great impact on your well being, find a good park, away from the traffic and crowds and take time to notice nature. There is beauty all around, but our thoughts and feelings keep us living in our tiny boxes, just step out and see life from another perspective.
Cut down on caffeine, too much can leave you feeling anxious and unable to sleep properly, remember the food you eat today is your fuel tomorrow, so don’t fill it with junk, you wouldn’t fill your car with anything less than good quality petrol, that would reduce its performance, so don’t do it to your body, from now on treat tour body like a porche. Fully functioning and to be admired by everyone.
Don’t just work on your physical side, emotional needs must also be addressed; this will allow your body and mind to work in harmony. Yoga classes are an excellent way to teach you how to do this. Not only will you have a well toned body, but your mind will become calm, allowing you to think more clearly, this will put you back in control of your life.
Meditation
There are about a hundred benefits from meditating; I have listed some below which you might be amazed at.
Decreases respiratory rate
Increases the flow of blood and slows the heart rate
Reduces anxiety attacks
Enhances the immune system
Helps weight loss
Cure headaches and migraines
Significant relief from asthma
Increases serotonin level, influences mood and behaviour
Mind ages at slower rate
Improved learning ability and memory
Spiritual benefits include:
Provides peace of mind, happiness
Helps you discover your purpose
Brings body, mind, spirit in harmony
Changes attitude towards life
Helps living in the present moment
Deeper understanding of yourself and others
Helps keep things in perspective
Quite simply there are too many positives to meditating, to just ignore it.
Meditation is completely free, no special equipment is required.
You can even meditate by walking, start by walking at a relaxed pace then simply observe. At this point don’t match your breath to your stride.
When you feel comfortable start matching your breath with your steps. Maybe doing 4
Steps for each inhale followed by 4 steps for each exhale. The goal is to be consistent.
Be aware of your feet as they make contact with the ground, at that very moment you
Are connecting to the earth’s surface, this is helping you to be grounded to the earth.
Study suggests people can see benefits in just a few days, like a reduction in stress, just by meditating for 20 minutes a day.
Anxiety and stress are bad for your health; your immune system is weakened, lowering your resistance to infection. Increased blood pressure can cause heart or kidney problems, along with other health problems.
WEALTH
How do you see wealth?
Wealth is abundance of anything that you find valuable, but for most people all they see is money.
Money is just something that is used to pay for a service or product. Throughout history many things have been used as money, salt, cocoa beans even camels.
Your current wealth is a surplus above and over what you need to survive.
All the wealth in the world is no good without your health, you have probably heard this a thousand times. But still the emphasis is still on money. Remember this, you came into the world with no money and you leave with no money.
If you won the lottery then went to the bank to deposit your cheque, that money would not be printed for you, it just becomes numbers, or statistics on a computer. Less than 10% of all the wealth of this country is not printed, meaning if everyone tried to withdraw their money they couldn’t. So looking at it that way makes money quite mythical.
What are your beliefs on money, perhaps you think money is the root of all evil, or do you think it is wonderful.
You may not even be aware of your thoughts on money.
Next time you see a programme on a wealthy person, notice your thoughts, you might be surprised.
If it makes you feel sick, that a person has so much money, say Bill Gates or Richard Branson, then you will have a problem in attracting wealth. This is because you cannot tell your mind that you want something, and then go against it. IT JUST WON’T WORK.
Maybe you only think rich people are clever, this is just another example of your beliefs. You could argue that point, with Richard Branson. He was not particularly clever at school. But it didn’t stop him from being wealthy.
If all the money in the world was to disappear overnight, everyone would still have the same standard of living. You would only need to print more money to get things back to normal. But if technology disappeared and things such as roads, cars, computers and all industrial plants were to go. Then we would be back in the Stone Age. All the money in the world would not change a thing.
MOTIVATION
When you experience loss of motivation you might feel confused, anxious, angry, frustrated. Reasons for loss of motivation are negative experiences, a change in circumstances, feeling isolated.
Motivation is stronger when a person has a clear mental image or vision of a certain situation or achievement. This drives the person to take action and to do whatever is needed to achieve their goals.
One of the most important keys to success is motivation. It also makes a person full of life. Lack of motivation will not bring results.
It is important to understand finish what you started, get into the habit of going to the finish line, affirm to yourself constantly that you will and can succeed.
Understand how to really motivate yourself through thick and thin.
Start to pay attention to the thoughts inside your mind. Have you ever noticed the way you talk to yourself?
If you were deeply in love with someone, would you regularly say horrible things about their abilities curse them or even insult them? If you did chances are they would leave and never speak to you again. Yet you do this to yourself, expecting to feel good about it.
Talk to yourself like you would want to be spoken to by others, it’s really that simple.
Imagine someone standing in front of you wanting to be inspired. Now give it your best shot and inspire them. Throw in the passion and excitement, either talking aloud or just keeping it inside your head.
Focus on everything that is positive in your life; make a mental list of your strengths and past successes. Being grateful for everything you have achieved so far in your life. This will boost your confidence and get you motivated to achieve future successes.
Do you focus more on what you don’t want, instead of what you do want? This lack of focus is a motivation killer.
We tend to base our thinking around fear. Were afraid of being alone, afraid of being poor, afraid that no one will respect us. Start to put your brain to work by focusing on a goal. You will instantly start to devise a plan for success.
GOALS
We all have busy lives, even when were not busy our time is often spent vegging out in front of the TV. If you find you’re stuck with ideas, try imagining you’re near the end of your life, and ask yourself. What would you of liked to have accomplished, once you’ve given that some thought, start writing down some ideas even if they are only vague at this stage.
What makes a good goal?
Your goal needs to be written down, make sure it is believable, challenging and has a specific deadline.
Have a goal that you think is believable, not to others, this is your goal. It doesn’t mean that you think it is going to be easy, but that it is possible. Think about people who have set difficult, even impossible goals such as landing on the moon, that persons drive and motivation had made it possible.
Have a long term goal and a short term goal. Short term goals are usually easier to achieve, this will give you confidence towards your long term goal.
No matter how difficult your goal is, it can be made easier if you break it down into several smaller goals. This is called “Baby Steps”. It will also help you to keep track of your performance.
The effectiveness of your goals is strongly affected by the way in which you set it out.
Several goals need to be in order of priority. Be precise when putting in dates, times and amount, so that you can measure your achievements and progress.
Don’t be frightened of failure, or you will not take the risks needed. Know that failure is a positive thing; it will show you areas that you will need to improve your skills.
Don’t allow people to change your agenda. Learn to say no. Allow for interruptions and delays along the way, this will help you to not get stressed out about something that has come along, and maybe thrown you off course a bit.
Ask yourself why you want to achieve the goal, is it challenging and valuable.
Start taking chances today or you will look back in ten years and regret the opportunities you missed out on.
BELIEFS
Beliefs are the assumptions we make early in life about ourselves, others in the world and how we expect things to be. Our values stem from what we believe.
Our values are based on how we think other people should behave. Especially qualities such as integrity, honesty and openness. These tend to be our main values.
How we respond to people and situations can reflect our attitude.
From childhood we are taught so many different things. Your subconscious mind doesn’t know what is real and what is not, so your mind is programmed at that being the truth. This was done at an early age about thirteen. You carry on thinking this way until something in your life changes significantly, which will then change the way you believe.
Many limitations that you face in life are self imposed. What you have learnt to believe true about yourself, can either keep you locked behind your fears, or push you forward into living your dream life.
Our beliefs change all the time, they are not permanent. Otherwise you would still believe that the world is flat, or that Father Christmas is real.
Understanding your beliefs and knowing how to change them, will start you to reach your full potential.
What is the difference between a belief and a fact?
Simply put, it is a fact that 2+2=4. A belief would be something like. “Relationships are hard work”.
What you need to remember is that beliefs are the foundation on which we build our expectations. If we can guess what is coming next, we feel safe and secure. We are then able to prepare ourselves for the worst if we need to.
Beliefs served us a purpose at the time. You cannot say a belief was ever right, wrong or even silly. But as our lives change they become a mismatch.
Have you ever found yourself in this position, were someone you know has just become successful? How do you react, genuinely pleased for them, or a feeling of resentment.
You really do become what you believe you are.
Here a few quotes for you to think about.
“We are what we think”, said Buddha
“If you think you can, you can, if you think you can’t, your right”, said Mark Twain.
“Change your thinking, change your life”, said Ernest Holmes.
If you change the way you think, your beliefs and life are changed. You can actually improve both your body and life, just by having a positive attitude.
As we continue to grow and gather new experiences, our beliefs change. We all do this, we are not consciously aware of it. You may have noticed someone becoming more and more embittered and negative as time goes on. One thing you can be certain of is the fact that they didn’t start out that way.
Ask yourself this?
What is in my life right at this moment in time? Whatever it is, you have believed it, right up until now. If you don’t like what you have got then change your beliefs. It really is the only way.
Beliefs are just thoughts you say over and over again, and fuelled with your emotional energy. You will only achieve what you believe you can.
In any given situation there is only two outcomes, believe you can do it, or believe you cannot do it, either way you’re going to be 100% right every time.
See how you look on life.
“Life is...........” try finishing this sentence off a few times; write it down until you feel the emotion and energy as you do it.
You wouldn’t even attempt something, unless you believed you could accomplish it.
We are all made equal, so no one is better than you are. If you see others doing better, its only because they have more experience, more practise, or they know something you don’t. So it’s not that we cannot have nor do the same.
Remember thoughts that we starve of attention will die. If you give it attention then they will magnify. To put it in a nutshell, control the thoughts that play round your mind, don’t let them control you. You do have a choice.
Start now to build a strong and healthy mind, and then you are certain of getting what you want out of life. Do all the things now you thought you couldn’t do, knowing that you can?
AFFIRMATIVES
What are affirmatives?
Affirmatives are positive statements you say to yourself or out loud.
Always start your affirmative with “I am.” And in the present tense.
Using positive affirmatives, thinking positive and visualizing will help you to develop a positive mind set. Making it possible to achieve whatever you want out of life.
Positive affirmatives for;
Abundance
Love
Wealth
Health and healing
Joy and happiness
Self esteem
Peace
Weight loss
Why doesn’t everyone use affirmatives you may be asking yourself?
They do, nearly 90% of our thoughts are negative ones. Because we find negative affirmatives easier to accept, they can be more powerful than positive ones.
Think about areas in your life you would like to change, mine was moving on after my break up. Here is a very simple one
“I am ready and willing to release the past, now”
Only focus on what you do want, NOT on what you don’t want.
Think about your life as it is now. It will be exactly the same as your thoughts.
It is important to remember, that if you spend a few minutes confirming your positive affirmatives, then the rest of the day thinking negative chatter in your head. Then you destroy the effects of the positive thoughts.
Repeat your affirmatives at least twenty times in the morning and the same again at night. Writing them down is a faster way to impress your subconscious.
Repetition is the key to bringing significant changes in your life. Keep doing them until you get your goal, then simply move onto something else you want in your life.
Start looking at other people and how they talk. You will find most talk negative on a daily basis, even if it is only little things like, I am never lucky with money, diets never work for me, it’s because I’ve got big bones. The list just goes on and on. From now start to be aware of what you are actually saying, because the sooner you stop the negative talk. The better you will be.
Have you ever thought that negative people around you are actually shaping your life? This has a tremendous affect on how you feel. Most people hear this a hundred times, but still continue to hang around them. It’s not just about personal relationships. Outside relationships from work or say leisure has an impact on you too.
You will never find a negative person who won’t drag you down to their level. Their mission in life is to throw every problem and gloomy story about the world and its economy at you, no doubt adding a few aches and pains. They just can’t help themselves, it becomes there way of life. Don’t let it be yours.
Mental Health experts are now telling us to think positively. When we think about positive things that we want in our life like, wealth, happiness and health. Our mind is expecting it and it will actually happen.
From time to time we all have negative thoughts. You’re on your way to work and get caught in the traffic. You start thinking “My boss is going to kill me”. This talk is common and ok. We all tend to exaggerate when we are in trouble. Because we know in our hearts this would not happen.
When these thoughts take over and you’re convinced that these exaggerations are true, or even worse than you can imagine. Is when the trouble will really start. Stop thinking about, what if this would happen. Most of the time what ifs never happen. Anxiety is brought on by excessive worrying, beating yourself up about everything that goes wrong. It makes you feel like you’re the victim. Stop self pity in its tracks. You are a survivor.
Replace negative statements with milder wordings. Have you ever noticed in hospitals, that nurses talk about discomfort rather than pain? This is done because pain is a much more powerful word, so it is less intent to talk about your discomfort level instead of your pain level.
So do the same next time you’re stuck in traffic. Instead of saying “I hate being stuck in traffic it makes me so angry” turn those powerful negative words like hate and angry, into neutral ones, like don’t like and annoyed (I don’t like traffic, it makes me annoyed) it’s a much milder approach. Don’t forget this is not just the only negative thought you have in a day. So the affects it is going to have on your stress levels will be greatly reduced.