My
Mother Told Me!
Why Didn't Your Mother Tell You? Machina
Ervin
Published
by Machina Ervin at Smashwords
(c) Copyright 2007 Machina Ervin
Paperback edition of this book published by: Big Erv Publishing 2008
My
Mother Told Me! Why Didn't Your Mother Tell You? Copyright(c) 2004.
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any way without
written permission from the author.
This book can be purchased from BigErvPublishing.com or write Big
Erv Publishing, 91 Boerum Street, Brooklyn, NY 11206.
Cover Concept: Machina Ervin Cover Work: Jason
Harrison Typset work: Jason Harrison (www.jayharry.com)
Library Of Congress has cataloged this text as follows:
Library of Congress Control Number: 2008909202
Papeback Edition.
Ervin, Machina My Mother Told Me! Why Didn't Your
Mother Tell You?
ISBN
978-0-9814514-0-4
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Disclaimer: This book is based on my life and my opinion's. I may have experienced some things and some things I have heard in passing but this book is in no way to down grade men or women. I am not a professional therapist or psychologist, so for those who read this book it is no different than someone else who writes a book based on their life. This book is based solely on what my mother told me, not to show up other mothers or women period.
You live your life how you feel you want to live it I just hope I can help in some small way.
Introduction
I wrote this book to help all people who think they don't have choices. This book is written to educate, warn you and challenge your current mode of thinking. This book is a tool to help you be who you really are and the person your parents raised you to be. As we go through our lives we always want to play the blame game. Well stop blaming everyone else, break the cycle and change! A line from the song always stuck with me. It said, "If you want to be someone else just, change your mind". So as you read this book, make up your mind that by the end of this book you can change.
My mother gave me very solid advice all of my life and I want to share it with the world. The older I become the more I realize that most parents didn't do the same for their children and that may be why most adults make so many unnecessary mistakes. I am not saying that parents are all knowing and all seeing. Most are so busy providing the basics that giving their children good solid advice just goes
by the wayside.
I want you to think of this book as a place to turn to when the outside world is pushing in on you. So enjoy.
You can change!
Dedication
I dedicate this book to my mom without whom this book wouldn't even be possible. She not only sacrificed so much to raise me, but she also gave to me when I didn't deserve it and loved me when I wasn't easy to love. So all I have to say is: Mom, it is now your turn to live and enjoy!
I LOVE YOU!
Acknowledgments
I would to acknowledge my proofer and editor Grace Fulop without her this really would not be a possible. She was helpful and very fair.
Thank you Grace.
I'd love to thank my dear friend Jason. Truly and honestly this book would not have gotten off the ground without you. You are the world's best graphics man! Big Jay!
Chapters
1. Life
2. Women
3. Men
4. Money
5. Education
6. Careers
7. Children
8. Love
9. Friends
10. Family
11. Marriage
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 1
LIFE
Face Your Fears!
Life is full of ups and downs, but it is up to you to decide that life is not going to beat you up! I find that most people go through their whole lives just avoiding things. What I mean is, most people avoid their fears instead of facing them and overcoming them.
I was in a relationship with someone and he left me because he feared being hurt. When he made that decision, he didn't count on me saying, "I don't want to be friends". He planned for me to live his by his fear, No! No! No! I felt sorry for him because, instead of, facing the fears. He let the fears conquer him and he lost a good relationship.
I tried to help him see that he needed to change his behavior and better his own life. He never wanted to go forward with anything for fear of the unknown. So, he decided to stay in the same situation with friends who are going nowhere, just settling for a job, not a career. I learned a valuable lesson from him: make better choices!
Be a Leader Not a Follower!
We hear this term a lot, but do we really get it? My mother always told me that each person who you see on drugs someone turned them on to it.
Every drug user had that one encounter with someone who said to try this and, for whatever reason, the person tried it and liked it!
I had a friend who was very rebellious. When I met her, I thought hey she would be my friend. Until I saw her for who she really was. I was never the type to disobey my mom until I met her. As my mother puts it, I met people who urged me to exert my independence. But it cost me.
So, always lead your own parade, never be a band member. Don't get me wrong. Support others because you want others to support you. Just make sure that it is the
right parade.
All Relationships are Work.
People don't realize that every person in their lives rep-resents a relationship. As we go through life, we think that only our romances are our relationships. In fact that is untrue. We are in a relationship with everyone we decide to get close to.
I heard someone say that 60% of life is just work. So, that works out like this: our love lives, our children and our personal fun are work. We have to make adjustments all the time. Realizing that relationships are a form of work will help us adjust better.
Be Willing To Admit your Faults and When
You're Wrong.
Most people have a problem admitting when they are wrong. Most people never admit their faults, their rebellion, pride and immaturity cause them to lose good people. If you just say, "I was wrong". The other person will respect and maybe even love you. Taking this action will cut through all the nonsense. Most people like drama: if you put a stop to the drama before it begins, it can't grow.
I find that most people have a problem with pride. Pride can cause you to not only have not only messed up personal relationships, but professional ones too!
Yes, if you can be the bigger person, you will be the more mature person. You will be the bigger person and have a healthier life.
You Don't Have to Lose Your Temper To Get Your
Point Across.
When you are talking to people and they get you really angry, you have a choice you can blurt something out or just stop. Take the time and think it through and say to ask your self, "Am I going to let this person get to me like this"? No one is worth losing who you are.
You can stop and think how this going to affect you in the long run. And as for temper, you can just get rid of it. Just take a time out for your self.
Don't Be A Doormat.
We all have these moments when we say, "Why did I let this happen"? We usually answer ourselves with a lot of excuses, but we never question ourselves further. "Why I do this over and over again" and "What am I getting out of letting people walk all over me"? Most people who allow themselves to be treated as doormats usually get some kind of gratification in return. My mother and I always look at those people are and say they're into a Sadomasochistic behavior.
I've especially seen women be a doormat for men over and over again. The men would just treat them horribly. The funny thing is, they never left the men. I always wondered why they would stay after that kind of treat-ment. The answer is, they don't value themselves. Don't be a doormat.
Avoid The Crowd!
As a child, I always used to hear my grandmother say, "It is better to say 'There she goes' than 'there she lay." As I got older I got it! She was saying, when you see things break out, take a look around, stop, think and run in the opposite direction.
This is true in the case of my mother. My mom worked in downtown Manhattan, not too far from the World Trade Center. On September 11, 2001*, my mom was waiting for the minivan to take her from 388 Greenwich Street to the World Trade Center. The van was taking too long, she jumped on the train. Well, she decided not to get off the train at the Trade Center stop go on to the doctor office, which is 4 blocks away from the Trade Center. She is in the room getting her therapy and her doctor comes in and says "Ruth, a plane just hit the Trade Center." My mom says to him, "Who told you that?" "He says the receptionist just told me." My mom said, "I don't believe you because they didn't hear anything." She tells him, "Don't you have a laptop? Go and check." All of a sudden she hears a big bang, the building shakes, the machine she was using starts blinking, the doctor runs in the room and says "It's true, it's true. "A plane hit the Trade Center." "My mom says, we're outta here!"
My mother leaves gets down stairs, there are lots of people standing around on the streets smoking and talking, no one is moving and there is debris falling from the sky. My mother says this is incredible. She goes down into the train station and asks the token booth clerk if the train is still running; the token booth clerk says, "yes." She gets on
the train. There is hardly anyone on the train and she is shocked. My mother said she was home watching on television when the buildings fell and watched as the crowds walked over the bridges.
One
week later, one of our doctors called us just to see if we were okay.
My mother said, "Yes, I am fine." He begins to tell my
mother about how he got stuck in Manhattan until 6:30 pm. My mother
gets off the phone and says, "If they had all left with me, they
could have been with me in comfort and out of the way of danger, but
they followed
the crowd."
So avoid the crowd in all ways!
*On this day I lost many of my old co-workers in the World Trade Center tragedy, I too have a story and was affected, so to all of those friends and family members who lost someone my prayers and thoughts are with you today and always.
Reconcile Your Past.
When I look at us human beings, I see a bunch of messed up people. People go through life never dealing with the issues of the past. People are walking dead. Meaning they walk around in a fog, most of the time.
I dated a man whose mother died when he was a child and he never got over her death. I, along with several other people, used to tell him that he should talk to someone about it. He said he could handle it. I was the one who forced him to deal with that issue and now he thanks me. I have known several people who have had childhood trauma and they are trying to have that child-hood they missed as adults. You can't make up for lost time or for things you didn't have.
You need to accept that whatever happened, happened, and say that you will get over it and move on.
Don't Help Those Who don't Want To Be Helped.
I learned a long, long time ago that if someone doesn't ask you for help, most of the time they don't want your help. People are always asking people for help in some form or fashion, but the kicker is that people really don't want help.
When I go through life, I look at people and say, "Why didn't you just ask me?" I knew someone who had a cousin who was having baby. They were running around trying to find a hall where they could hold the baby shower. At no time did my friend ask me of a place. Then after all of the failed attempts and promises not kept, he finally turned to me and I gave him some information and the baby shower went off without a hitch.
The lesson there is he didn't ask me until he became desperate. When you give out unasked advice, all you are asking for is rejection. Also, you are casting your pearls among swine. Information is to be shared but only with those who want it, not those who are not going to do anything with it or those who are going to abuse it.
Knowledge is too valuable just to hand out like a piece of candy it is to be cherished.
To Whom Much is Given Much is Required!
In life we all want more, but more is not always good. I hear people say all the time, "If I had a lot of money, I would do this," or "If I was given more responsible position, I would do this." Number one, you don't know what you would do until you are put into that position and, furthermore, more financial responsibility doesn't mean that you will be more financially literate.
People have this dream that if only they were given a chance, they would show the world. Maybe the reason they were not given the chance is because they may not be ready...if given the chance most of us would fail. Why? Simple. The human motive is: FEAR and SELF PROTECTION. Most people would become greedy or power hungry.
Have you ever heard the saying, "MANY ARE CALLED, BUT FEW ARE CHOSEN"? Each person on this planet is called to do something. Your job is to find out what that is!
So, the thought I leave you with is, don't ask for something because you just might get it!" Are you prepared?
Be Comfortable With Being Different!
People who go around with different color hair or who dress weird, are trying to be accepted. They may say, "No, I am just expressing myself," but if they were accepted, they wouldn't be doing that.
When kids go to school and they think different than the rest of the kids, they feel rejected. Then they start dressing weird and having these weird hairdos'. If kids accepted them, they wouldn't do that. Now more than at any other time, children are subject to peer pressure and bullying. Children who are made fun of now resort to killing other kids who reject them. If those children's parents had told them to just be comfortable with being different, it wouldn't matter if kids accepted them or not.
Now that I am an adult, I find that I have been different all of my life. Meaning, I have always been smart and physically fit. I have finally come to accept that. When I was a child, I was ridiculed for it, also so what I did was lower my standards to fit in with the crowd. That never gets you anywhere but down the tubes.
Even women with men don't put up with the mess that men usually cause. Just for that you are different. Don't settle.
Be comfortable with being different!
Learn To Be A Lover Of Truth and Freedom!
In
my 33 years of living I have always been a lover of truth and
freedom, but I find that most people are not. I try to get people to
see the truth, but they don't want to. As my mother says, "People
don't want the truth they like their bondage." Every time I hear
that, it blows my mind. I think to myself, "Why are people so
hung up on games, lies
and deceit?"
I've come to a couple of conclusions: People only do what they know and they only do what doesn't cause them any pain. Truth is about pain and so is freedom because, to be free, you will have to endure some kind of temporary pain. As people should know by reading about slavery in America, the slaves endured years of bondage. For them to one day wake up and say, "I want my freedom," was a deep thing. People were leaving a life where everything was provided for them, even if it wasn't the best. Freedom always costs you something. The question is: Are you willing to pay the cost?
Truth has a price tag, too, but you are willing to give up things once you know the truth. I'm sure you have seen The Matrix, starring Keanu Reeves. The whole picture was about him finding out the truth and, once he found out the truth, could he accept it and not want to go back to being deceived. That is the problem with most of us once we are faced with the truth it is too hard to accept and we want to go back to being in the dark. Because the truth you see is never pretty, whether it is about us or about When you don't love truth or freedom you lose. You live a life of not seeing things for what they really are. But if you choose to not want freedom and truth, that is your choice, too!
Make Better Choices.
Oh! This is one thing that really gets me. I have heard people say, "I know that I shouldn't do this and I know it is going to cost me but I'm going to do this anyway." I dated a guy who broke up with me because he was having a difficult time at the time. I told him, "You are leaving me because you can't deal with having a relationship, and problems, too." He said, "yes." I asked him "Do you realize the choice you are making?" He said I know this might be the biggest mistake of my life, but if it is one, let me make it." I said, "I understand but I don't agree." He could not accept that. I thought to myself that he would be calling me in a couple of months. Sure enough, he called five months later apologizing, saying he was sorry he left me and the decision was not a good one. I tried to tell him five months before. When he came back, he wanted us to resume the relationship and I said, "No, that is my choice. I love me too much to be subject to all of your bad choices."
My thought that I am trying to convey is that choices are what make our lives go round and they could go around much smoother if we made better choices.
You Can't Do What You Don't Know.
In this life we always ask people why they didn't you do this or that. People cannot do what they don't know. We put too much pressure on people when they make bad decisions or when they don't do what we think they should do.
My mother and I talk about this all the time and we come to the conclusion that some people are not rebellious or stubborn, they just don't know another way. The bigger question is: If they did know another way, would they make a better choice?
All of us sometimes make choices that we regret, but, if we were better informed, would we make the best choice? If you don't know something, ask someone. Don't have pride or be ashamed to let people know you don't know. It is better to know than to make an uninformed decision. Would you rather take the wrong bus in the wrong direction, or ask the bus driver for the right bus in the right direction?
There Is No Such Thing As Security.
We go through life thinking: If I marry a man with money, he can take care of me, if I get an education, I can get a good job, if I get a job that has a union, I will have my job forever, if I cook or clean for this man, he will never leave me, if I have a baby, he will never leave me. All of these thoughts are thoughts of security. These are thoughts that people are trained to have from a childhood. We are trained from childhood to think that money, a good job and people security are supposed to make life better, but they don't.
In this life, nothing is secure. The weird thing is that most people have a false sense of security. We think all of these thoughts and they are wrong thoughts. When we are confronted with what we have believed was and is a lie, we are all broken up.
If you retrain yourself to believe what is true, you will have less heartbreak and more reality and more living your life. You will not be living from society's perspective you will be living from the truth. You know maybe I am being too rough on people, but I don't think so. We can all change it just takes some effort. I heard somewhere that it is easier to believe a lie than the truth, because the truth is just too simple for us to accept. So rethink, second guess what you hear and never fall for the lie.
Don't Let Other People Control How You Feel.
I am an American woman in my thirties and it always gets me that women let other people tell them who they are. Young women watch television shows and models and let fashion designers tell them they should look like this or should dress this way. It amazes me that they allow someone who doesn't know them tell them about themselves.
Be independent. It is okay for someone to present you with choices, but don't become a loyal subject. Subjects back in the days of kings and queens had no choices they went with whatever the ruler said. Be yourself, be different. I know being different takes courage try it you might like the results. Step out!!!!
I
find that young men do the same thing. They look at all of these
music stars and athletes and I say, "I want to be like him."
No, you don't you want to be you. It is cool to admire someone's
talents, but separate what they do from who
they are.
Most young men need role models. Why not look to your father, uncle or grandfather? It doesn't have to always be a stranger.
CHAPTER 2
WOMEN
Be A Thinker
Most
people don't think, especially women. Some women have great
intelligence. Often they don't use it or they use it for the wrong
things that make life better for them as individuals. Women usually
put a lot of brain power into getting or having a man and having
children. Nothing is wrong with those things, but they could think
about
other things.
Women
don't realize that if they can out think a man, that man is not for
them. Most men who are good men enjoy a thinking woman, and the men
who don't enjoy the thinking, woman, forget them. Most women complain
that they don't get fair treatment in the workplace. That is true. If
you sit down and think about it, just out think the men who are in
charge and the men in your personal life, just think for a moment
about who they are. I can guarantee that, if you use your brains, you
can get the end result that you are going for. If not, that person is
not for your friendship
or romance.
Be A Good Communicator.
This
is one thing that we all have to work on. By that I mean that it may
be hard, but it is necessary. Lack of comm.uni
cation is the one
thing that causes marriages to break up. I find, even from my own
experience, most people never tell you how they really feel. You can
tell anybody anything as long as you know who you are dealing with
and how to talk to him or her.
Communication
is the key to having any good relationship. I knew a man who was not
having a good life. I am a comm.
unicator. The only thing I asked
him for was just to tell me what is going on and that's it. He
thought I was nagging him. He didn't understand that you have to tell
people what is going on they can't read your mind.
Men usually think that women want so much from them. All we want is for them just to tell us what is going on and we can work the rest out.
So please communicate well and take the time to do so.
Take Care of Your Health
Most women take better care of their health than men do. Men have an ego problem. They don't want to see a doctor until it is too late. Men say they love you, but they will die and leave you here with children to raise. Most women associate good health with good looks. Is not necessarily true that good health equals good looks. There are a lot of attractive women in very poor health. As I heard someone say: You can have a great looking house with bad plumbing. I think you should take care of your health as women, but not for vanity.
I find that most white American women have taken this too far. They are getting plastic surgery earlier and they are on all types of weight loss products, even though they are okay looking. The kicker is white American women go to the gym five days a week for two hours. I mean, come on! Taking care of yourself is one thing, but obsession is something else. Most African-American women and Latino women try to take care of their health, but they usually don't have access to good doctors. In spite of their education level or living situation, they do the best they can.
After all of that, Please take care of your health. There are all kinds of free programs to help your health needs in any part of the United States. It may not be the best, but at least it is available. Always question your doctor if you feel something that he or she says isn't right and please never be afraid to get a second opinion.
Ladies, Don't Give In To Lust Instead Of Love.
I find women will settle for a good sex life instead of real love from a good man. Don't get so hooked on a man sexually that you can't see what is really going on. Sex is suppose to be enjoyed by a husband and wife, but I am not completely deluded. We live in a world where people have sex with whomever they choose. All I am saying is, ladies, don't do it if you don't see a future with this man.
Lust is never a way to get real love. The way to get real love is to be true to yourself. By that I mean, whatever is sacred to you hold to that. Never let a man talk you out of your dreams, if he starts doing that, let him go immediately. Some people take a little time to grow but if they don't grow within a certain amount of time, keep on walking.
Real love is what you deserve. It is not just for someone
else, it is for you!
Learn How To Listen To Men.
I am in my early thirties and it always amazes me how women don't listen to men. My mother taught me a lesson early in life: If you just take the time to listen to people, you will find out all about them. Most women meet men who right away start saying or acting in ways that the women don't agree with. The first thing that women say is that he will change for her. In reality, this man was saying all of these things before you took him seriously you just weren't listening or your were in denial.
I
know someone who did just that. She was dating a man and he kept
saying he didn't want any more children, due to the fact that he had
two children: She became pregnant anyway. Who suffered the child? His
father straight out rejected him. I thought, that was the woman's
fault, but now that the child is here, the father should have taken
respons-
ibility. Her selfishness and her ignoring him resulted in
another child growing up without a father.
I've known women who dated men and these men said they didn't want to get married. Those women paid those men no mind. Now it is five or ten years later and still no sign of marriage. I dated a man myself who told me he was going to marry me and I told him," No you are not". He said, "Yes, I am." I said that for a good reason. This was a man who wanted children and I did not. He never listened to me, but I listened to him. That saved us from making a big mistake. So, women pay attention to that man not only in words but also in actions.
Respect Your Body
Most women in this day and age have no respect for their bodies. Look at Britney Spears and even Janet Jackson. Yes, these women are beautiful and talented, but they don't have to go around showing everything. I know they have to wear clothes that are not too restrictive because of their shows, but they could be a bit more respectful of themselves and their audience.
Women today think it is okay to walk around with their pants at the crack of their behinds like Jennifer Lopez or wear a shirt with no bra and it is obvious. I told my friend one day, you will never see wealthy women with class wearing a dress bearing their midriff. She said, "You are right." I always believed you can look sexy without being trampy and showing all your business. Leave a little bit to the imagination.
Young women these days, I guess their mothers didn't teach them that their bodies don't always have to be the star of the show, or else they feel pressured by society to dress this way. Ladies, remember your body is important. It should not be open to all visitors day and night. So, ladies, respect yourselves.
Learn To Think Like A Man
I
dated a man who was going through some things. Men have a
black-and-white kind of thinking. They don't think in terms of hints.
They only understand what is right in front of them. But that same
kind of thinking can cause
problems also.
I
dated a man who was going through some things. We had just met when
he began to neglect me and deal with his problems. He didn't realize
what he was doing. I would call him and ask how things were going and
he would cut me short and, tell me he was going to call me back,
which he never did. So I thought to myself he probably looked at it
like, "I told her I am going through things she should know."
What he didn't do was look at it from my point of view, that I was
only doing this as an act of human kindness. Also, he never thought
that I was just concerned about him as a woman who always heard him
say, "I am stressed." The end result is that we wound up
not speaking at all and parting on bad terms. I was fine with it and
I realized it was just his limited thinking, not mine. Also every man
is not the same, some men are men of hints so you have to get
that
too.
The moral to the story is ladies, if you think like a man, you have less heartache in the end.
Don't Be Afraid To Get What You Need And Want!
Women live their lives for everyone else all the time, but I find that, most of the time, they live for a man.
Women will spend years in a relationship never really fulfilled, afraid that if they ask for what they want and need, they will be left alone.
Women have a real belief that a man and children make them who they are, but that belief is a lie. Always get what you need and want from a relationship, even if it costs you the relationship.
Relationships
are about give and take, not just about sacrifice all the time you
have to get something out of
it sometime.
Women, Don't Take Men For Granted.
Men are not slaves to your will they willingly do things
for you and anyone else. My grandmother never learned
to drive. She thought that it was her husband's job to
drive her around all the time. No, it isn't!
Men have things to do, just as women do. Women have
this belief that men are just supposed to do things for
them and ask no questions. Yes, a man who doesn't want
to argue, but men who have any sense will check you.
Don't get me wrong, we all have duties. But when we are
being overwhelmed, that is another story. Women get to
the point where they don't cook for the man or dress sexy
for him anymore. They look at it like, "He got me and I
gave him some children so he better be grateful". Women
get it together. That man will leave you for that woman
who makes him feel like a man and who doesn't take him
for granted.
Find Out Who You Are!
I find women go through their whole lives never really
knowing who they are and they can blame no one but
themselves. When you are a child you live for your par-
ents mostly, but as you get older you are responsible for
yourself. The blame game is over!
Take the time to schedule "me" days and just sit and think.
Take the time to find hobbies. Hobbies bring out gifts that
we never knew we had. Take the time to find out what
kind of food you really like. Do you know how many
people I have been around and they never knew who
liked powdered donuts?
All I am saying, ladies is find out about you, because if
you don't, your whole life will go by and you will never
get to know the real you.
Men and Women are Into Fantasies, Not reality.
I found that most men want that fantasy of coming home
to a woman who is cooking dinner, looking and smelling
good, but that is not real. The sad thing is that most men
really want that and, when they don't get it things can
become really hairy!
For women, the fantasy is that great marriage proposal,
the great wedding day and a man to take care of them
financially. This is unreal also. Most women want this,
but they don't marry this. Women are looking for the
knight in shining armor. That is not happening.
Your best bet is to pray for the best. Most people hear
about soul mates, but the fascinating thing is that most of
us never meet our soul mate. We settle for whatever
comes our way. That's when the problems come in. I
have said that men want women who will settle. By that I
mean men will get you to settle for any kind of abuse
(emotional, physical and verbal) in exchange for financial
security. Women will get men to settle for them by using
sex,
looks, children, or just good old fashioned
emotional blackmail.
Both genders play games with each other in hopes of
getting what they want, but it is just plain unnecessary
and downright immature. If you are a mature person,
you will realize that life is not about fantasy but reality
and just move on from there.
Don't Look to a Man For Financial Security.
Women go through their whole lives looking for that
white knight who is going to take them away from it all.
Sorry, ladies, that is not happening! Men are not born to
serve you. They are born to fulfill what they have been
put on this earth to do. If a man gets married, he should
support
his wife and children, but that is not his
sole purpose.
Women, do you get it that you can make just as much
money as a man? Just find out what you are born to do
and do it. You know, my mother always told me this and,
as I got older I realized the truth in it: Women are looking
for love, affection and security. Men are looking for:
money, power and sex. As I got older I looked around me
and said, "you know what" That is so true. A man will
leave you in a relationship if you don't have sex with him
and a woman will leave a man if he doesn't have
something that makes her feel secure. Oprah didn't get as
far as she did by depending on the man in her life. Don't
get me wrong. Men have helped her along the way, but I
don't think she was ever looking for that white knight.
Women, your security should be in God first but also,
be secure in yourself.
The Image You Project Is The Way People Will
Treat You.
Most women think, "I can wear what I want and I will
still be respected for my mind." No, you won't. Even
though the world has progressed, it hasn't progressed
that much.
If you dress trampy or like a dumb blond, that is way you
will be treated. Most women have brought into the lie: I
earn my own money and my education, I should have
the right to dress the way I want. Yes, I agree that you
should have freedom, but there are boundaries.
When a woman gets raped, the first thing that the police
will ask is, "how were you dressed?" My statements may
sound cruel, but this is the world we live in and it is get-
ting worse every day. I think that to a degree, people have
too much freedom then people have no accountability
for their actions. Please don't get me wrong. I am a woman
and every now and then I have dressed in a certain way,
but now I know better. I am a business owner, people
would never take me seriously if I had the tramp look
going. Ask yourself this question: Does Oprah Winfrey
ever dress like a bimbo?
CHAPTER 3
MEN
Reconsider Dating Or Marrying A Man Who Is Not
On Your Level.
When most women meet men, they get so hung up on the
looks, sex or something else, they never stop to think: Is
this man on my level? Usually the signs are there, but
women ignore them. Women find out in the worst way
that the men they are so crazy about is not on their level.
Most women find this out when you want to do a certain
thing with their lives, career wise or with their time, and
they tell these men you so dearly love and the men has
some kind of crazy reaction.
Then, they feel as if they have been hit in the heart with
an anvil. The sad thing is that most women settle just to
have a man. Don't be that woman, take your time, ask
questions. As my mother told me, "If you want to know
anything, just listen."
We All Should Have Priorities.
I know I have the ability to be rather rough on people
sometimes. My motive is not to hurt them it is to make
them think. Tough love is the best love in the long run.
As I was saying, we all should have priorities, but most
people are never taught that. They go through their
whole lives doing the norm until someone like me
comes along and says "No, that is not right." Then they
get
mad at me and I feel bad about standing up for
my rights.
Priorities are things that need to be taught and learned.
Most of us learn the hard way when we lose friends, jobs,
relationships or money. All I am trying to say is if you tell
people you are going to call them back, do so make them
a priority. When you do call them and the person gets
mad and acts as if they are bothering you. I always tell
people, "You wouldn't do that to your employer, so don't
do it to your children, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends,
husbands or family members. We do that to all of those
people because there will be no serious consequences
however, if this were your job and your boss says that you
have to call if you are going to be late or else, you lose
your job. I'm sure you would do it.
So all I am saying is, make each person a priority! You
would want to be a priority to them.
Men Want Women Who Will Settle.
Most men really want women who will settle for their lack
of support. Most men are so used to women settling for
their ways that, when they meet a woman who won't settle
for the junk. The same man who was trying to get you
winds up putting you down and calling you names. He may
not say it out loud but he is definitely thinking it" Why does
she want to do this or that".
I knew a man who pursued me and we became associates.
He was always asking me are you going to cook for me? I
told him, "I was not put on this earth to cook for you or
any other man". He was used to women just saying okay to
his entire request. He never thought it should be any other
way. Years later, I saw this man and someone was asking
why, when I attended a function, was I sitting most of the
night? He responds by saying that I am stuck up! I thought
to myself, "This man is upset that I wasn't stupid enough to
give him the time of day so this is his revenge". By that
reaction, I knew I made the right decision by not settling.
A man approached me and asked me for my phone num-
ber. I told him that dating was just not on my agenda. He
just couldn't accept no. He said, "Well, everybody is busy
and yada! yada! yada!" I said, "Wow! He wanted me to settle
for him, a man who didn't have good grammar or dressed
they way I do. I told him I was going to pre-med school (at
the time) and I had my own business. Why would I settle
for just being miserable? So, women, don't settle. That's
what most men want, even though they wouldn't settle for
your mess.
A lot Of Men Are Looking For Mothers
Men always say, "I want a woman who can cook and be
there for me". That is fine and good, but women should
do those things because they are good to know not
because they have to do them to get a man and to keep
one. Most men want these abilities in a woman because
their mothers did all of that stuff for them. Many men
want the same feeling of security from their childhood
that their mothers provided.
As most men get older, like most women, they feel they
need security and they don't want to be alone. The sad
thing is that most women put up with acting like a
mother to their husbands for security. When you are in a
romantic relationship no one person would put up with
all of a person's stuff the way a mother would. Women
fall for it all the time when men say, "Are you going to
cook for me?" I usually answer with, "I don't even cook
for myself all the time and, better yet, "I am not your
mother." Most men can't handle that they want a mother
clone and they do want a clone you know. Women, don't
be a mother to anyone but your children.
Never Be Afraid To Be Alone
As I've gotten older, I have found that most human beings
don't like being alone. I think because being alone forces
you to deal with you. I remember seeing the movie "Cast
Away" starring Tom Hanks. When his character got stuck
on the island, he realized he had to deal with every
decision he had ever made good, bad or indifferent.
I see at a lot of women who just can't stand being without
a man. Most women don't have enough courage to just
say, "I'm going to take time to get to know me." Then I
realized they don't want to deal with that when they can
just have a man who wants the fake them. Women, take
the time to be alone. You will be surprised at what you
will find out about you.
Don't Marry or Date A Man Who Doesn't Listen to You
or Support You.
Everyone on the planet needs some kind of support in
whatever they plan to do in life. However most people
don't have it and, needless to say, most people never live
a lot of dreams because no one supports them. Women
make that mistake all the time. They date or marry men
who never support them in anything.
A woman can come to a man and say, "I want to open a
business." Most men will say," why do you want to do
that? I can take care of you," or "You will never succeed."