when you need a timeout
Create the Ultimate Stress-Free Getaway One Relaxing Day at a Time
by
Dr. Barbara Mitchell, DCH
SMASHWORDS EDITION
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PUBLISHED BY:
Dr. Barbara Mitchell, DCH, on Smashwords
When You Need a Timeout
Copyright © 2008-2009 by Barbara Mitchell
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
Smashwords Edition License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.
Visit Visit Dr. Barbara’s website at: http://www.thecalmingbreath.com
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“When You Need a Timeout” Reviews
“This book is a gem and your girlfriends will love you if you buy them a copy. When You Need a Timeout is the busy girl’s guide to stress relief!” ---Marcia Freespirit CEO, JimSaminc.com
“Barbara writes with such a soothing voice, that it reminds me of other meditations that I have done and it immediately puts me into that relaxed frame of mind. Aaaahhhhh.” --Patricia Pokorchak “DTE Lady”, Toronto, On Canada
“In the “Start Living Your Dream Section” I have 5 things written on my “Wish List” page and I actually accomplished one of them so far. What a great way to stay on track!” --Kim Ford, CreativeSpaEscapes.com, Forks PA
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Contents
Acknowledgments
Introduction
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PART ONE Take a Deep Breath
Chapter One Stressssed.....
Chapter Two Let’s Talk About Stress…
Can You Handle That?
Chapter Three Waiting to Exhale
Take a Deep Breath…
Chapter Four Start Living Your Dream Today
First Find Your Passion
Chapter Five Excite Your Senses
Sit Back, Relax and Enjoy the Show
Capture Your Joy
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PART TWO This Time Is For You: Mind, Body and Spirit
Chapter Six Don’t Worry, Be Happy
Quiet Joy Every Morning
The Keys to Happiness
Chapter Seven Twenty-Four Little Hours: It’s “Go” Time
The Night Before: “Me” Time
Free Your Mind and the “Best” Will Follow
Free Your Mind/Body/Spirit
On a Clear Day You Can See Forever
Chapter Eight Body Flow: Nourish Your Body
Food Talk
Chapter Nine Create a Spa Experience at Home-Soothe Your Spirit
The Spa Bath
Progressive Relaxation
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PART THREE Creative Escapes: The Art of Relaxation
Chapter Ten Living the Life You Love
Be in the Moment
Positive Thoughts
Have A Great Day From Morning Till Night!
Breathe In Energy
Chapter Eleven If You Want My Body……
Soothing Spa Treatments
Chapter Twelve Let’s Get Physical
Popular Alternative Therapies
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PART FOUR What a Difference a Day Makes
Chapter Thirteen It’s Time to Call It a Day
Chapter Fourteen Self-Discovery— There’s Joy in Being Me
Life Is What You Make It
Chapter Fifteen There’s Always Something
I’ve Got a New Attitude
Chapter Sixteen Live Your Life
A New Way of Being
Be Good to Yourself—You Deserve It
About The Author
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Acknowledgments
Thank you Fred, my super spouse, for supporting my vision for this book, encouraging me through bouts of writer’s block with your insightful suggestions and patiently reading and re-reading my drafts.
Thank you too, Kim, my delightful daughter, for always reminding me that the best way to convey my vision to the reader is to assume nothing and explain everything.
I love you both, always.
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Introduction
Haven’t you sometimes felt so overwhelmed, so tired of it all that you fantasized, “What would it feel like to just walk away from my responsibilities, worries, stress—just for a little while? Yes. Let the spouse, children, parents, siblings, relationships, job, etc., fend for themselves for once. I need a break!”
According to the American Psychological Association, one-third of Americans are living with extreme stress. You may be one of those who have not even realized the mental and physical toll that day-to-day stress is taking. However, the detrimental effects on your health are well documented. The irritability, depression, heart palpitations, fatigue, compulsive eating, unexplained anxiety, insomnia and body aches and pains you sometimes feel are all signs of a body and mind under stress.
When You Need a Timeout will show you how a one-day getaway, twenty-four hours of carefree, worry-free, tension-free time away—just for you—can make a big difference in reducing the stress in your life. This is an action plan with self-reflective exercises that address the emotional, physical and planning needs that must be satisfied before you can get away without feeling guilty. These self-help exercises will help you take charge of your life.
This how-to guide is chock-full of tips and techniques that demonstrate how to really relieve your stress, guilt, fears and any other emotional baggage you bring to the table. It shows you how to absolve yourself from past wrongs through compassionate forgiveness and provides techniques to recapture the excitement of your childhood dreams and help you relive your happiest memories.
Finally, When You Need a Timeout shows you how to manage your day-to-day stress by introducing you to the art of relaxation. You’ll learn how to pamper and nurture yourself on a daily basis…even when no one else will.
Think about this: If you had only twenty-four hours to live your life, how would you live it? Doing something you’re passionate about? Recapturing your joie de vivre? That is what this book is about. Be prepared to enjoy a fun and sometimes inspirational journey along the way—from imagining to living your ultimate one-day getaway.
This book is dedicated to you, for those days When You Need a Timeout.
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PART ONE
Take a Deep Breath
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Chapter One
Stressssed.....
You Know Who You Are:
*The profile vignettes are based on true-life stories; the names of real people have been changed.
You’re Cassidy,* the newlywed, educated, ambitious career woman. Your hard work and study of role models are beginning to pay off. You’ve begun to master the art of office politics, gotten on committees with the people you wish to impress and are on an upwardly mobile job track. But your spouse wants a child. You don’t. Not now, anyway. As a result, you’re having a lot of arguments at home. There’s a lot of tension, and the stress is wearing you down. Lately you’ve begun to question the health of your marriage.
You’re Dawn, the over-anxious, always exhausted single parent. The responsibility of being both mother and father to two children—disciplining, problem solving, worrying about their well-being—is overwhelming at times. Add to that the tension and frayed nerves caused by a thankless job and an insensitive boss. And all that stress is making you fat, because food—and plenty of it—is the only thing providing solace. But you can’t stand the way you look with all that extra weight. Your stress level is over the top. Sometimes you just want to scream! You’ve got to find some down time…some “me time” just for you.
You’re Jennifer, the overextended, multitasking wife and soccer mom. But the children need you less and less, and you’re anxiously wondering how to fill the void. You’re nervous about your appearance—you may have “let yourself go” a little over the years. You question your husband’s fidelity even though he’s given you no reason to. Your job skills are rusty, and the thought of interviewing scares you to death. Besides, you don’t have a college degree. What kind of work can you do? Most disturbing, you’ve gotten into the habit of having a few glasses of wine every night, and you’re worried you may be drinking too much.
You’re Nicole, the successful, high-powered career woman with no time for or interest in a private life. Until now. There’s a nagging health issue you need to address, but you have avoided seeing a doctor for fear that the diagnosis might spin your world out of control. You used to be proud of your independent “I can take care of myself” attitude. But if you have to take time off to recuperate, there’s no one you can turn to for help with your emotional and physical well-being. And while you live comfortably, everything you have is on your shoulders. If—worst-case scenario—this is an illness requiring a long recuperation period, what resources do you have to depend on? This is keeping you up nights, and insomnia has become your nightly companion.
You’re Julia, divorced, one of the “sandwich generation.” Your adult child has come back to live at home, and your aging parents need more and more of your time and resources. You’re fatigued all the time and emotionally drained from caring for two generations of loved ones. The weight of having all the decision-making fall on your shoulders—some of it crucial when it comes to your parents’ future needs—is making you frustrated and irritable. You walk a thin line between helping your child get on his feet financially (and emotionally) and trying to encourage more maturity and effort on his part to show independence and move out. Your parents cannot live alone too much longer, but you’re not ready to shoulder the burden of full-time caregiver if they move in with you. It’s not just the finances—although right now you don’t know where the money will come from. But lately old wounds keep opening up when the three of you spend time together. You need to clear the air—find your voice—before you again become the timid child in this new parent/adult-child arrangement.
You’re Toni, a perky, energetic widow looking forward to early retirement. After years of hard work, you’re envisioning a life of leisure: indulging in your favorite hobbies, maybe doing some volunteer work and traveling to exotic places with your group of gal pals. That was the plan up until a year ago. That was when you learned your pension wouldn’t cover your townhouse mortgage. And only barely cover your everyday living expenses. Your chronic worries over finances have reduced a once-sunny, “happy to be alive” person to one who experiences long periods of moping and mild depression. Except for the days you have to get up for work, you spend most of the day in bed; lacking the energy or interest to even get dressed. To compound your belief that “one thing after another goes wrong,” your checkup revealed you have osteopenia—one step closer to osteoporosis. That’s the last straw. On top of being financially strapped, you now have illness and infirmity to look forward to in your senior years.
Take a Timeout
You may have been living under stress for so long now that your headaches, stomach upsets, tense muscles, clenched teeth and short temper have become second nature. But something inside you is clearly not happy with the status quo. You’re ready to make a change, to feel better about yourself, to live a more supportive lifestyle. You’re ready to take a timeout. You need a getaway from stress in order to recharge and retune your life.
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Chapter Two
Let’s Talk About Stress…
Did You Know:
1. Our bodies give us signs that we are under stress—irritability, depression, heart palpitations, fatigue, compulsive eating, unexplained anxiety, insomnia and body aches and pains.
2. Sources of stress are found in the environment (noise, pollution, world events); our personal lives (work, family, relationships, peer pressure, finances, social events, deadlines); our physical health (illness, poor nutrition, aging, injury, lack of exercise); and our thoughts (negative emotions—anger, guilt, grief, trauma and obsessive thoughts).
3. Not all stress is negative. A new home, job promotion, new baby and new relationships are all examples of positive stress. Stress becomes a negative event when the situation appears dangerous, painful or unfair and we don’t have the resources to cope. Too many negative events experienced over a long period of time can result in a compromised immune system and subsequent health problems.
4. Five keys to managing stress: (1) Practice physical and mental relaxation techniques; (2) eat a healthful diet rich in fruits, vegetables, lean meats and whole grains; (3) drink plenty of water; (4) exercise regularly; (5) laugh often.
5. Self-hypnosis is an excellent technique for alleviating stress-related conditions such as headaches, insomnia, nervous tics, nail-biting, anxiety and high blood pressure.
6. Meditation, visualization and deep breathing are relaxation techniques that help the body recover physically and emotionally from the harmful effects of stress.
Can You Handle That?
Some people see stress as a challenge and take it in stride. Others may become overwhelmed and end up physical wrecks. It’s helpful to understand exactly how you handle stress. Are you making yourself more vulnerable because your coping strategies are less than resourceful? Below is a list of some common ways people cope when faced with stressful situations. You’ll recognize a few of them from the profiles of Cassidy, Dawn, Jennifer, Nicole, Julia and Toni.
Check all that apply to you.
When Under Stress:
1. _____I withdraw emotionally and do nothing.
2. _____I confront the problem and work to resolve it.
3. _____I eat or sleep more than I should.
4. _____I engage in physical activity to “blow off” the pressure.
5. _____I drink and/or smoke too much.
6. _____I unwind with a hobby or creative interest or other relaxing pastime.
7. _____I worry to the point that I can’t sleep nights.
8. _____I talk with family and friends for input and support.
9. _____I become irritated and take my anger out on those around me.
10. _____I practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing, meditation, etc.
11. _____I ignore my needs and try to please others.
12. _____I get away from it all periodically to rejuvenate and relax.
Your Score: Did you check more of the even-numbered answers or more of the odd-numbered answers? The even-numbered answers represent the more constructive coping strategies. Take a look at the odd-numbered strategies you checked. Those are the areas you need to work on. Recognize them as opportunities to take charge of an aspect of your life that you’re not handling to the best of your ability. Focus on what is possible, and set your sights on accomplishing it. Begin by drawing from the self-assertive (even-numbered) answers. Adapt those strategies to fit your specific needs. When you believe you are in control, you are better able to handle stressful situations. That’s empowering. The lesson of this exercise: It is not the stress but the way you handle it that’s most important to your physical and emotional health.
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Chapter Three
Waiting to Exhale
First, let’s try some techniques designed to relieve the stress you’ve been carrying. As you learned in the last chapter, stress is a fact of life, and not all stress is negative. Yet even positive events, like planning your wedding day, for example, can become overwhelmingly stressful if you don’t have the resources to cope. And like the women profiled in the opening vignettes, you end up feeling pulled in so many directions at once that you don’t know what to deal with first. You stay “geared up” and can’t seem to relax. Sound a little like your life?
To make matters worse, recent research shows that too much stress can make you fat. When we are stressed, our bodies release the hormone cortisol, which is designed to give extra energy when we need it. But cortisol also increases blood sugar, which in turn increases our appetite for sugary and fattening treats, the comfort foods we turn to.
Dawn, the single parent, can attest to this. She’s been caught up in this stress = weight gain loop for so long that any weight loss she achieves is short lived. Diets work in the short term (you name it, she’s tried it) but inevitably she puts the weight back on, and then some. And since she hates to exercise, her weight-loss struggle is twice as hard. It’s gotten so frustrating that Dawn is beginning to believe that, unlike most of the women in her family, she’s the unlucky one who inherited the “fat” gene!
“Stress eating” can be a thing of the past once you learn simple relaxation methods to reduce stress. In fact, for all of the above reasons, it’s obvious that some relaxation techniques and exercises should be added to your daily routine. Following are three that are easy and very effective:
Hint: Record these relaxation techniques and exercises so you can play back and listen to them as often as needed.
Take a Deep Breath…
Deep breathing is a tried-and-true way to relieve tension on the spot, especially when you are angry or nervous. Here’s how:
Blow It Off:
1. Take a slow, deep breath through the nose.
2. Blow the air out through the mouth slowly and forcefully.
3. Continue points 1. and 2. until you begin to feel relaxed.
4. Give yourself an appropriate affirmation. For example, to relieve anger, you might say, “I’m calm and in control. I’m not going to let her/him get to me.” If it’s nervous tension, you might say, “I’ve done this successfully in the past. I’m going to be great giving this presentation!”
When nervousness or extreme tension cause us to take rapid, shallow breaths, the calming breath exercise forces us to breathe deeply. This deep-breathing exercise rapidly brings oxygen to the cells, soothes the nervous system, relaxes the muscles and slows a racing heart:
The Calming Breath:
1. Close your eyes and focus your awareness on your breathing.
2. Exhale toxic air, inhale cleansing air…slowly…easily, in and out.
3. Place your hand softly on your stomach and observe its rise and fall in concert with your breathing.
4. Allow the calmness of the breath to calm your mind.
5. Next, take deep, slow abdominal breaths through the nose to the count of six, then exhale through the mouth to the count of nine.
6. As you exhale slowly, mentally say the word “relax.”
7. Continue your slow, deep abdominal breathing until you begin to feel relaxation flow to each part of your body. Breath and thoughts quiet…peaceful.
Jennifer, the soccer mom, found that her stressful thoughts spiraled out of control throughout the day, especially when she was alone in the house. She needed a way to reduce her stress on the spot. Self-hypnosis for relaxation is a quick, easy-to-learn exercise that dissolves tension immediately. With some practice, Jennifer found this technique to be more effective than drinking a glass of wine. Not only was self-hypnosis immediately relaxing, Jennifer also began to feel relief from the daily tension headaches she’d been experiencing.
Self-Hypnosis for Relaxation:
1. Touch your thumb to your forefinger, making an “OK” circle.
2. Beginning on the exhalation, take three slow, deep breaths through the nose.
3. On the last exhalation, gently close your eyes and repeat a word or phrase opposite your problem, i.e., “I am calm and relaxed” to counter tension or anxiety.
4. Focus on your slow, deep, rhythmic breathing.
5. Now think of your favorite color, sound or special memory.
6. Allow the good feelings and sensations from this imagery to envelope you.
7. Find a positive word such as peace, love or happiness to describe these feelings.
8. Next, mentally repeat your positive word to increase the enjoyment of this peaceful, relaxing experience.
9. Then, when you are ready, slowly count from one to five.
10. Open your eyes…feeling refreshed and deeply relaxed.
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Chapter Four
Start Living Your Dream Today
Suppose I made you this offer. I will show you how to take one day that will add meaning to your life, not take away from it. I will show you how to live a day with no responsibilities, no worries. A carefree day. A day to take pause and explore what’s important in your life. You will spend this day doing anything your heart desires. Rediscovering what you once loved. Reliving the happiest moments in your life. You’ll get to do only those things you have a passion for. Do only those things that bring you joy and pleasure. Live out your dreams! All I ask in return is that you promise to spend the entire day on you, doing wonderful things for you, just you and only you.
Would you accept my offer? Don’t let the moment pass. If your answer is yes, then sign here _____________________. There’s no time like the present to start living your dream of a stress-free getaway day.
First Find Your Passion
Start by visualizing your goal. What would you do with this day? How would you spend it? Ask yourself, “What would bring me joy and pleasure? What am I passionate about? What would I do with this precious twenty-four hours all to myself? What do I want to do so badly, I’d do just that?” Grab a pen and paper, and begin mapping your journey. Create a wish list of activities that you know you would enjoy. You know, those activities you’ve had to put off so far because, well, you haven’t had the time to think of yourself. Because life’s too hectic! There were too many others to please. So all you did was dream that one day you’d find the time to do them.
Be sure to list those activities that you always wanted to do but were afraid to try. Give your inner child free rein. This is your opportunity to record your wildest dreams and fantasies. Even a “scary” activity can become an “exciting” activity, depending on the self talk you use to describe it. Both variations give you a heart-pumping adrenaline rush, but the internal representation—the way you feel about them—is different. If you want to give serious consideration to an activity in this scenario you have to change how you represent it to yourself. In other words, change what the activity means to you, then you’ll be able to change its effect on you.
Reframe It:
Start by accepting your fear of the “scary” activity, but be determined to try it anyway. For example, let’s suppose you enjoy spirited debates with your friends but are petrified at the thought of giving a speech before an audience. What are you going to do when your boss asks you to make the opening remarks at the next public meeting? Before you give that talk, you will have to change the way you perceive public speaking. A technique called reframing enables you to literally change the way you see, hear, think about and respond to any situation. By using different words to describe the event (content), or by changing the event to one in which you have more of an advantage (context), you can change your emotional response. Let’s see how reframing works for the above example:
1. Begin by jotting down the words that describe what you’re feeling when you think of the exciting activity—list them under the heading “Spirited Debates With Friends” in column one.
2. Then, under the heading “Speaking in Front of an Audience,” list the words that describe your feelings toward the “scary” event in column two.
3. Compare the two lists and note the words you’ve used to describe each activity. Observe the words you use when you feel afraid versus the ones you use when feeling excited.
4. Revise the lists. Begin by moving the empowering words from column one (“Spirited Debates”) into column two (“Speaking in Front of an Audience”). For example, if you feel enthusiastic, spontaneous and self-assured when making points to friends—move those words to the public-speaking column. Remember, your visceral reaction to the stressful situation is the same as to the “exciting” one. Your muscles will still tense, your heart rate, blood pressure and breathing will increase, and you may still get a knot in your stomach.
5. Read the revised list out loud. Say relevant affirmations like “I love a challenge!” “I believe in my ability to succeed,” “I can handle anything today,” and “Today I will do this!” every time you read an empowering word on your “Speaking” list.
6. Record and play back your speech. Develop your sensory acuity for voice and inflection. Decide where to adjust voice tempo or volume to make key points.
7. Close your eyes and imagine your favorite actor making your speech. Step into his or her body, become one as you master the role. Then rehearse out loud in front of a mirror, and develop your sensory acuity for body movement and projecting confidence.
8. Learn all you can about presentation skills, and study exceptional communicators to build more confidence.
9. List all the positive reasons you can think of to try it. Be upbeat.
10. Then be determined to do it!
So, the next time you have no choice but to do something difficult, try reframing it—and see how different you feel.
Now back to your wish list. Embrace your adventurous side! Just remember, this is a wish list of activities you would want to spend a day indulging in. Make it something you look forward to doing. Keep the spirit upbeat, and just enjoy the process!
My Wish List
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___________________________________
___________________________________
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Chapter Five
Excite Your Senses
Now comes the fun part. You are about to take a “mini” vacation—a guided tour of your “what would make me happy” scenario. For this, let’s try a visualization exercise to excite your senses. Just sit back, relax and enjoy the next few minutes.
Close your eyes. Take three deep, slow breaths. Inhale and exhale through your nose. Focus on your breathing—natural, rhythmic, effortless. Begin to think back to those times when you were very happy, very contented. When was one of the happiest times in your life? What were you doing? Vacationing on a tropical island? Skiing down a mountain slope? Winning an award or other recognition? How about enjoying a sunset or holding a child? Where were you…who were you with? Your first true love?