NO CURE FOR NATURE
BY
DAN SCHWARTZ
No Cure for Nature “Smashwords Edition”
Copyright © 2009 Dan Schwartz
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews
Published by Smashwords
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
Cover by Dan Schwartz
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Author Website (http://www.banocanut.com)
No Cure for Nature is also available in print (http://www.wordclay.com/BookStore/BookStoreBookDetails.aspx?bookid=51912)
INTRODUCTION – PART I
Once upon a time, in a land not much different than our own, lived a man; a man, not too much different than you or I. His name had been lost in the pages of time and will be known to us, the same way he was known to his friends, Guy. An ambiguous name, which holds certain plainness as well as a certain mystery, which makes Guy a perfect name as you will soon discover for yourself.
As I already mentioned, the world Guy lived in was not to much different then ours, every aspect of his life was exactly the same except for one very distinguishable difference. This difference is that two years back Mother Nature lead a revolt against human kind once it became self aware. A long harsh battle ensued in which many lives were lost and many natural environments were ravaged. Humans started to gain the upper hand in this epic battle of literal world domination, until Nature sought out a powerful ally. Nature pleaded with the Machinery to aid in the fight for freedom, and thus served as the tools for destruction as the tides of battle quickly receded on Human victory and quickly rose for the new power team. It was only a brief while after until the Humans withdrew from the war and bowed their heads to their conquerors.
Nature and the Machines decided to take pity on the race and planed on imprisoning all Humans in existing jails instead of a mass genocide. This is where Guy’s story begins for us. Guy had no place in the war, and barely even knew it was going on. His life was unaffected until the one day a knock on his door forced him to get out of bed 20 minutes earlier then he planned.
“Open up your door in the name of the law,” announced a voice from the other side of Guy’s door. Guy groggily stumbled out of bed, across his room and to the door, opened it, and immediately woke up at the sight of the guest standing on his door step. Guy had to look straight up to see a fifteen foot tree hulking over him with a stern look on his face.
“Listen guy, I have on official decree by Mother Nature to round up all humans and distribute them into their allotted jail cells. I would appreciate if you came willingly, but I have the authority and will not hesitate to use force,” the tree officer explained to Guy.
Guy just looked at the tree and said “are you done barking orders? I must say your methods are not very good; you may want to spruce it up a bit. Would you like me to continue, or are you sycamore?”
The tree bent down until he and Guy were eye to eye and replied with “choose your next words wisely, as I have little patience, like a midget physician.”
“Wisely you say? Let’s see, could I have a minute to pine it over, because right now I am stumped.”
“Your nonsensical babble is wearing me thin, I will strike you if you continue,” the tree said trying to intimidate Guy.
It was apparent that the trees threats left Guy un-phased as he continued, “must I leave now? Do I at least get to pack a trunk? Oak-k, oak-K, I will spare you my sap story and I will leaf with you. Tell me though; did you ever want to branch out into other work?”
The tree obviously angered now pulled Guy from his home and slammed the door and pushed Guy in front of him towards the Harvester, a transport device used by Nature to collect the Human prisoners.
While preparing to load into the Harvester, Guy turned to his captivator and jested “let’s make like a tree and…”
Guy was cut off by the tree with a “finish that sentence and I will crush your body.”
Guy rolled his eyes and scuffed at the tree, “temper, temper, you have got some seriously rooted problems.”
It was at that point that Guy was struck by the tree leaving him unconscious. He was loaded into the back of the Harvester, and Guys adventure began.
CHAPTER 1
Guy opened his eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling. Confused, and realizing his head was pounding, he rolled over to an unfamiliar pillow. Startled, Guy hopped to his feet to find he was in a jail cell. He ran over and grasped the bars with his hands as if to assure himself they are real. Guy then heard a raspy voice coming from behind him, “settle down guy, those bars aren’t going anywhere.”
Guy spun around to see who was talking, and to his surprise it was a bowling ball. Guy, still feeling dizzy, asked the bowling ball where he was.
“Well guy, in case you hadn’t guessed it, you’re in jail. Sorry to lay that on you so bluntly, but there won’t be too many bright days anymore in here. This is a pretty dark place to be placed. They don’t put the worst of the worst in here, but they put the miscreants who just gave up. In here you’ll find the ones who haven’t got anything to live for.”
“Hey, sorry to interrupt,” Guy interrupted, “but you would not happen to be pregnant by any chance?”
Puzzled, the bowling ball answered, “No, why do you ask?”
“Well, with all the contractions, I thought maybe today was labor day,” Guy muttered.
“I now understand why you’re, I mean you are here,” the ball said. “Anyway, your new home is none other than Penciltentiary Correctional Facility.
“This is not too bad, I get meals, a bed, some space, a shower, it’s like my own personal Con-dominium.” Guy jested, “I could use a drink. How are the bars around here?”
“I can see that our conversations are going to be a little one sided, so allow me to take this opportunity to keep you quiet for a little and tell you a little about your new family in here. My name is Cannibal Bowling Ball, and I was thrown in the joint for eating some of my co-workers. I was not always like that, I just got a craving one day for urethane, then next thing I know I was mouth deep in my 12 pound best friend. It was horrible, resin was everywhere, and my appetite just couldn’t be sated. I was out of control. When I snapped out of my craze I didn’t know what to do, I was scared so I ran. I hid for a while, sleeping in alleys and gutters, but I was finally caught by Mother Nature’s militia and put before the judge. I begged for him to spare me, so he threw me here, which is where I have been ever since. I am remorseful for what I have done, yet I still crave balls.”
“Well C. B. Ball, it is pleasure to meet you. What is there to do around here anyway?”
“For starters, let me let you in on some of the dos and don’ts of prison life. All decisions in here must be passed by one of the inmates for his blessings. He is called the Pinnipeded One. If you act without his blessings your chances for waking up the next morning are very slim. Another highly important aspect of life in the can is to watch out for the corrupt prison guards, in particular, two sadistic lizards. They walk around with no regards for anything, they are always watching what we do and if they see something they do not like people go missing.”
“So you are telling me that everything we do must be approved or we die, and even if it gets approved, but the lizards do not like it, we die?” Guy asked.
“You betcha,” said the bowling ball.
“That is more intense than campers. They treat us like prisoners in here.”
“In all fairness, we are all prisoners.”
As Guy and Cannibal Bowling Ball were talking the dinner bell rang and the bars opened. An announcement was heard over the public announcement system for everyone to meet to eat in the commissary. All the inmates filed out of their cells and one by one made their way for their meal. Guy and Cannibal Bowling Ball grabbed their plates of gruel and sat down at table, soon to be joined by who were later to become his loyal companions. There were four of them that made their way to the table. Each one arrived and sat without saying a word. The first to approach was an ear of corn, a tall, slender character, with cold eyes and a sullen face. It was apparent that he had seen his fair deal of hardships. The next to join the table was a honey bee. She frantically buzzed up to the table, circling her seat many times before finally resting in place. Her actions said much about her personality, a nervous person, skittish, untrusting and uneasy to settle down, but she also had a gentle face and a caring aura to her. The next to advance toward the table did so in a very slow manner. He was a gopher, walked with a limp and appeared to be of an advanced age. He looked very knowledgeable and wore black rimmed glasses with thick lenses. Following almost directly behind the gopher was a dog. She hunched her shoulders, dragged her feet and hung her head with her tail between her legs. It was apparent that whatever personal battles she was fighting she was not winning. When she got to her seat, she just plopped down and sank into her chair. Once the table was full, the four of them stared at Guy for a couple of silent moments before the gopher broke the silence.
“Seeing as I am not known for my manners, who’s the new guy Bowls?”
“Just some guy who is my new cell mate, don’t you worry, he’s cool.”
“A friend of yours is a friend of ours, hi, I’m Ruth,” the honey bee introduced as she buzzed over to Guy.
The ear of corn then stood up to shake hands with Guy, who grasped his hand firmly, “Husky’s the name son, sorry to meet you under these circumstances, but nonetheless, nice to meet you.”
As the two shook hands, the gopher hoped up on the table and waddled over to Guy and began to stare him in the eyes. He kept moving in closer and closer until they were only inches apart, nose to nose, before finally speaking. “You look like a nancy, what good are you going to be to us?”
“You do realize I can throw you clearly across the room from here, and if I really aim you will find yourself in the trash receptacle,” Guy spoke without batting an eye.
He continued to stare at him then broke into a wide toothy smile, “I like your spunk, the name is Abner.”
Abner, Ruth, Husky, Cannibal Bowling Ball and Guy all made small talk getting to know each other, while the saddened dog ate silently. Upon finished her meal she stood up and walked out of the room.
“What is wrong with her?” Guy asked, “was it something I did?”
“No,” Cannibal Bowling Ball said “ever since she has been in here she doesn’t talk too much. See misses her puppies”
“What happened?”
“I have told this story many a times,” Cannibal Bowling Ball confessed. “Pull up a chair, and let me clue you in on how that fine young girl Daisy wound up in a place like this…
Darling dainty Daisy was a pure-breed pedigree,
But hurled from her home as they called her a whore.
She fell for the ravishing roamer Rover,
Who was only interested in one thing.
He pursued her, and wooed her.
Confused her and used her.
When Rover heard she was pregnant he headed for the hills,
And that’s when Daisy was ousted by her owners to pay for the bills.
Now Daisy alone to plan for the pups,
She tried pan-handling for money in cups,
But that was just chump change.
But D knew a job was out of her range.
Weeks now passed as she lived day by day
And she got worried ‘cause the pups were on their way.
Daisy barely had enough food for herself;
She knew she needed to find someone with wealth.
She was now a madam on a mission
To find a feeder the pooch could mooch on.
She finally found a farmer who would feed her a feast of fruits, five daily, and she’d appreciate it greatly.
Daisy would sleep in the barn, where it was quite warm, and things were looking up.
Daisy decided she would buy the farmer a gift for his kindness,
A gesture of thanks for his open-mindedness.
Daisy trailed to town, where the perfect present was to be found.
She bought the gift with all the money she could muster,
But that’s when something in her stomach began to fluster.
Daisy dashed for the door with her doggish grace,
Frantically seeking a proper birthing place.
She finally found a park with grass that was just so soft,
And for her labor, that is where she would loft.
Hours seemed like seconds as seven precious puppies popped out of Daisy.
Daisy was tired, but ecstatic and filled with such joy.
She now had a family, a bunch of bouncing boys.
Daisy’s joy however was short lived that night,
As a nearby policeman had witnessed the sight.
He ran up to Daisy with hand cuffs in hand,
And read her her rights as if she’d understand.
He orphaned new born pups, which some say is sick.
But Daisy was arrested and jailed for littering in public.”
Guy could not believe how cruel the world had become after hearing the tale. “They locked her up for that, what about her puppies?”
“It gets worse; she was hit with a double sentence. Before she was taken away she was able to name her boys. She decided to name them all after the kind farmer who gave her a chance. Unfortunately, the farmers name was Lloyd, so not only did they get her for littering; they also got her for Lloydering. Daisy doesn’t even know where her puppies are, that was the last time she saw them, and by the time she gets out, they will not remember her. That is why Daisy has given up on life.”
“Each of us have similar stories,” Ruth said “none are as tear jerking, but all of us were abused by Mother Nature’s new laws once she became the supreme overlord of the planet.”
“I thought all of Nature’s creatures would undoubtedly follow Mother Nature to the ends of the world?” Guy asked.
“That is the way it once was,” Ruth answered. “When she talked about winning the planet back for us, freeing ourselves from the evil humans, no offense, who were destroying the planet for everyone. But once the war was over and she was in complete control over everything, bad things began to happen. We learned that absolute power corrupts absolutely. Her and the Machines took control over everything and passed all sorts of laws preventing freedoms of all of nature. Take me for example; I served for Mother during the war. I was the queen of the largest hive in all the land. We fed her troops single hivedly, and even used our honey for a base for lubricant for the Machines. We were vital to the outcome of the war, but once it was over, Mother realized that the honey produced from the hive could be sold for outrageous prices. I followed along for as long as I could. I obeyed orders, but Mother got greedy, she demanded that I double my output by working my drones harder. I could not do that to my workers, so I stood up to Mother, which strictly defies doctrine of the land. I was stripped of my title, and thrown in here to be forgotten about, and what is worse, a slave driver was put in charge of the hive. A bear, who uses torture to strike fear into the drones. It must be horrible for them.”
“So Mother Nature has become corrupt after the war?”
“That is not entirely true,” Husky interjected. “I was a Colonel in the Nature army during the war and worked closely with Mother from the beginning. She had secret meetings that I attended, and her plan from the very beginning was for complete control. She needed the allegiance of all creatures so she kept the wholesome persona until the war was over. Then once the war was over, she took all those who planned at her meeting and dispersed them to various prisons around the land. Hence, I was placed here to be forgotten.”
“Why didn’t she just kill you?”
“Mother does not believe in unnecessarily destroying lives,” Husky answered.
“Talk about selective morals.” Guy muttered. “Destroy something; bad, enslave a race and become supreme overlord of a planet; OK. It sounds as if Mother Nature is pretty unstable, but it is not as if we did not see that one coming, the world is bi-polar after all. So now I know all your stories except you Abner, care to share?”
Abner removed his glasses and started cleaning them on his fur as he squinted at Guy. “If you wish to hear it, I will not deprive you. My story is a tale of betrayal and it pains me just to think about it. Both my brother and I were too aged to serve in the war. All the action we saw was from the newspapers, but once the humans were defeated and imprisoned Mother needed workers to tend to the deserted shops and operations. She began handing out orders based on rank and qualifications. Such as the Cows got the barns, the Frogs got France, the Bacteria got Germany, and due to Mother thinking there was an ‘L’ in gopher, me and my brother Harmon got the most prestigious golf course in all the land. We ran that place like it was nobodies business, although it was our business and we were somebody, so let’s just say we ran it like it was our business, which it was. Turns out the majority of Mother’s followers were herbivores who love the greens, so golfing was right up their alley. We were turning quit a hefty profit, relieving a large amount of it back towards Mother under a strong arm, but we were living the good life. But our glamour, glory and lavish lives were short lived; Harmon was bit by an atrocious case of greed and wished to cut me out. My own flesh and blood went to Mother for a favor, pleaded his case, and low behold I was thrown in here to rot while he could double his share. He was all I had in life, then out of nowhere he rips me open like a fox would and devours my integrity leaving no room for seconds.”
Abner sank back into his seat and sighed loudly with his head down. There was a moment of silence around the table until Abner broke the silence, “I hate Mother Nature and all that she stands for.” His breaking of the silence only caused another bout of silence as a hush fell over the cafeteria. None of the prisoners could believe what they just heard. Words against Mother were strictly prohibited by law. All eyes were on Abner who paid no mind to any one around him, he was lost in his own mind, obviously reliving his tragedy. All was quiet until the highly feared lizard prison guards busted through the doors into the room. They threw prisoners aside making their way towards Abner, and they hoped up into his table standing directly in front of him.
There were two of them, each one having their own personal characteristic of insanity. It was apparent by their mannerisms and the way they managed themselves that they were not to be taken lightly. One of the guards wore a straight-lined red robe completely covering his feet. Only a rather bulbous tail wedged out the back of his garb otherwise he would look like he was hovering. His robe was wrapped with the left side over the right side and it was apparent that he was a kimono-dragon. The other lizard, a smaller, slimier looking brute with menacing eyes and a half cocked smile was a newt. He twitched uncontrollably and leaned into Abner and asked him to repeat himself.
Abner did not bother looking at his interrogators; he merely spoke twice as loud as he did early. ”I hate Mother, she has wronged me, I can say what I feel.”
“Did you hear that Varanus?” the newt asked, “He is just expressing hisself.”
“Well, well, well my pal, Sal, it thinks it can voice its opinion,” Varanus the kimono-dragon said to his newt accomplice, Sal.
“You are wrong,” Abner shouted as he stood up in front of the guards. “It is no opinion that I hate Mother, it is a fact, an unquestionable fa…” Before Abner could finish his sentence Sal head-butted Abner in the stomach. Abner keeled over clutching his stomach and groaning. Sal lunged at him with a barrage of kicks, scratches, and bites. Blood and hair was filling the air and everyone within a five foot radius of the two.
Varanus spun around, looking at all who watched and bellowed, “We have laws. We have laws to be obeyed. We have laws, that if not obeyed do not go unpunished. We do not wish to do these things, you make us. We are the victims here. You are dangerous to yourselves; we monitor you for your own good.”
Disgusted by the sight Guy rushed towards Abner and punted Sal. Sal soared through the air into the ceiling fan. The fan was spinning at a high speed due to the humidity of the day causing limbs and pieces of Sal to disperse all over the cafeteria and all over everyone. The bulk of his body dropped onto one of the tables with a loud “thud,” once again cause a silence to grip the room. Everyone watched the lifeless lump with mouths still open at the jaw dropping sight. The lump then began to jerk and spasm. Sal raised his head causing gasps around him. He was covered in deep gashes and propped himself up using his tail, his only remaining appendage. His stumps began to convulse as his limbs started reforming in front of everyone. He threw his head back and laughed, “HA HA HA HA HA, what a rush. By the way, you’re dead new guy.” Sal threatened as he pointed a growing stump at Guy. “I would do it now, but I’m in too good of a mood. Varanus, pick me up, I need a cup of soup.” Varanus collected Sal and placed him on his shoulder and began walking out of the cafeteria, the entire walk Sal giving Guy the death stare. Once they reached the doors Sal screamed, “Watch your back you hot blooded flesh bag.”
Guy smirked and began clapping, “How about a hand for the monitor lizard?”
Guy stood there clapping alone, then Husky stood up next to him and began clapping. Ruth and Cannibal Bowling Ball then joined in, and soon after the entire room exploded in a sea of applause. Varanus clenched his fists and grit his teeth and stormed out of the room slamming the doors. That day, Guy’s first day in Penciltentiary he gave each of the inmates back a little piece of what was taken away from them.
CHAPTER 2
Now back in Guy and Cannibal Bowling Ball’s cell, the group tended to Abner’s wounds. He had minor abrasions all over his body and an eye that was so puffy that visibility was nearly impossible. Ruth and Daisy wrapped bandages around the scraps while Husky rambled angrily about the corruption in the world. Guy and Cannibal Bowling Ball just sat and watched, making sure not to get in the way.
“All done,” Daisy said standing to her feet, “you are now all dressed up.”
“Thanks everyone for everything. Thanks for the bandages girls, I feel much better now,” Abner thanked. He then stood and walked over to Guy, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I especially owe you my deepest gratitude. If it were not for you, I would be in much worse shape, and finally someone had the courage to stand up to those guards to show them some humility. I do not know how I can ever repay you, but if there is ever anything you need, do not hesitate, not even for a moment. I am yours now.”
“Thank you Abner. I am glad to see that you are alright,” Gut confessed. “I know I just met you all, but I can not stand to see you in this situation. None of you deserve to be here, with the exception of you Bowlie-B, no offense.”
“None taken,” Cannibal Bowling Ball answered back.
Guy continued, “As I was saying, you do not deserve to be here. We are all here because of the corruption. I will not sit idly by and watch your minds deteriorate as your hope and ambitions wither. Before this war, I just drifted through life and watched people get stepped on and abused, but I paid no mind to them as long as I was unaffected. What happened earlier to Abner changed me. After hearing your tales of imprisonment, and then seeing that savage assault, I could not sit by anymore. I had to act. I feel as if I was finally given a purpose in life. I will help you, I will help you all. I will help you get out. I will help you set your lives straight. I have no idea how I plan on doing these things yet, or if I will be successful, but I assure you, that as long as I have the ability, I will be fighting in your corner, trying to set things straight.”
“I am sure I speak for everyone here, that we appreciate your intention, but honestly, our chances of getting out of here are slim to none,” Daisy muttered.
Guy paused for a moment, squinted his eyes, looked up to the ceiling, and then snapped his fingers as his eyes went wide with excitement, “Eureka! Daisy you are a genius.”
“What did I do?” Daisy asked.
“You gave me an idea for a plan. You said our chances are slim to none…or slim to NUN, who lives in a convent. Like what supplies us with our air, the convicts’ ventilation system, the con vent. Here is what we do,” Guy gathered everyone around as he explained his idea. “So there are not many guards patrolling the prison, most of the time just the monitor lizards. So if we know where they are, or more importantly where they are not, we can cut a hole in the vents, and crawl through them. We can take the vents to the air intake, which if we pass through, should lead us to the outside. From there, we are fugitives with a mission of justice. Who’s with me? Hands in everyone.”
Ruth placed her hand on Guy’s hand. “I am in.”
Cannibal Bowling Ball rolled under Guy’s and Ruth’s hands, “if I had hands they would be in.”
Daisy’s facial expression sank, “the last thing we need now is hope. Anyway, how exactly are we going to cut through the metal vent without anything to cut with?”
“We do have something to cut with, or eat with I should say. If Canni-Balls could chew through a bowling ball, he should have no problem with some pesky metal,” Guy came back with.
“How exactly do we get alone, and where are we going to do this?” Abner asked intrigued by the idea of freedom.
“We get alone by sneaking out during dinner when food is being served, it is such a fiasco that no one will notice six missing inmates for a few minutes, and where you ask, well I have not seen it yet, but there should be a vent for the dryer in the laundry room. That is our best bet.”
Daisy and Abner both decided to place their hands in, leaving only Husky still not convinced, who voiced his concerns. “So we have the plan, we have the escape, how do you propose we make sure the guards do not see us, and even if we do get into the vents, won’t there be fan blades that will turn us into salsa?”
“Husky, leave that part to me, I will make sure everyone is safe. If you trust me, I will proceed. Either we all go or no one goes, what do you say?” Guy questioned his corny cohort. Guy looked at Husky with serious eyes that earned Husky’s respect. Husky placed his hand in the palm pile, and that marked the moment the legion was first united. From that moment forward, times were about to change.
The gang went over their plan tirelessly for hours awaiting the next meal. Each of them paced, repeated steps in their head, and prayed for the safety of themselves and their friends. An hour before the scheduled meal time Guy took himself to the corner of his cell and sat down, giving him some time alone with his thoughts. He wanted to make sure he was doing the right thing; he wanted to make sure he was not putting his new friends in danger, and he wanted to make sure he could pull off the escape. Everyone was counting on him. As Guy was lost in his thoughts, an intruder forced himself into the cell, pushed everyone aside and grabbed Guy.
“GET ON YOUR FEET, THE PINNIPEDED ONCE WISHES TO SEE YOU,” the intruder screamed, rushing Guy to his feet and pushing him out of his cell.
“Who are you, and why am I being taken?” Guy asked to the one who was pushing him, who happened to be an orangutan.
“I APPOLOGIZE FOR THE PUSHING BUT THE PINNIPEDED ONE WISHES TO SPEAK WITH YOU, AND HE DOES NOT WAIT. I AM THE PINNIPEDED ONE’S FIRST ASSISTANT, OR HIS PRIME MATE, AND MY NAME IS PONGO,” the orangutan yelled into Guy’s ear.
“What does he want with me, and why are you shouting?” Guy asked.
“I HAVE TO SCREAM, IT IS PART OF MY PRISON SENTENCE. APPARANTLY SOME PEOPLE STILL BELIEVE IN CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.”
Before the two could speak any longer Guy was standing in front of the Pinnipeded One. He was a seal, wallowing in a tub of water. His skin was a dark shade of blue and very sleek. He raised his head at the sight of Guy and bounced his head up and down before he spoke. “Welcome to my prison, I like to personally welcome all new comers. You look like you will fit right in with the rest of the crowd. If there is ever anything you need, please come to me. That is the way things work around here; I have the final say on everything that goes on in my prison.” The seal’s tone turned from a polite welcome to a harsh reprimand very quickly as he went on. “I hear you made a little hiccup in the way business was conducted. You assaulted one of the guards, and as many applause as you may have gotten from fellow prison scum, this can not be tolerated. The guards are to be respected, and you shall be punished, and what is worse I heard some rumors about you. I do not like fishing for information, I prefer information is fed to me like kippers, and I hear the word from the snitches is that you are planning an escape. No one escapes my prison, NO ONE.” The Pinnipeded One slammed his flipper on the water to make it clear that he was peeved, making a loud slap and splashing water all over the entire room.
“Listen,” Guy started, “I am here because I am human, and law demands humans be locked up. I am not a cold hard criminal, I am an ordinary guy, and I saw an unjust attack by the prison guard that I was not going to allow. Just because we are in jail, does not mean that we are predisposed to random beatings. As far as the escape goes, rumors are rumors, some true, some false. I just got here, why would I escape before I worked in my new pillow? As far as running all my actions by you, I am not really fan of that idea. To be perfectly honest with you, I do not think I will require a Seal of Approval for anything I do in here, and why you, just because you are a Navy Seal?”
The Pinnipeded One was obviously aggravated by the response he got. “Evidently you do not understand my position, or why I am so feared. I will give you an example to make your long, long stay here much more pleasant. Bring him to me.” Pongo grasped Guy by the shoulders, picking him up and placing him in front of the seal. “I will now be removing your arm. I will be biting it off and cleaning your bones clean of all flesh and I will let you keep the bone as a keep sake of the first and last time you stepped up to the Pinnipeded One.”
Guy struggled to fight free from the clutches of the orangutan but his ape-like power was too much for Guy to overcome. Pongo raised Guy’s right arm and placed it in from of the seal, who was hungrily licking his lips. Guy grunted and groaned as he resisted, but his grunts and groans turned to cries and howls as the Pinnipeded One dug his teeth into Guy’s arm and began to gnaw. Guy clenched his teeth and began to lose consciousness, but not before he was over come with rage. It is said that man can perform great tasks when put in situations that require great tasks. This just may be one of those cases as Guy was able to muster up enough strength to break free from the mighty hands of the great ape. With his freed arm he swung back to gather enough strength to strike the feasting seal. Guy delivered a blow to the top of the Pinnipeded One’s skull cause his whole body to go stiff, including his jaws. Guy’s arm was now caught in clenched teeth as Pongo raised his fists to finish off Guy for such insolence.
“HOW DARE YOU, YOU HAIRLESS MISCRIENT, I WILL CRUSH YOU.” Pongo swung his arms frantically in Guy’s direction, who was able to stave off the first couple of strikes, but then one of Pongo’s fists caught Guy in the back causing him to fall to his knees, with his arm still raised in the air in the teeth of a seal. Pongo beat his chest, exposed his teeth and howled into the air. He then went to give the death blow to Guy, who was able to not only evade the swing but quickly grab the Pinnipeded One’s head and maneuver it in the way of the Pongo’s fists. To Pongo’s horror, he struck his master causing his body to go limp immediately, releasing Guy’s arm. Pongo eyes filled with tears as he realized what he had done and he grabbed the lifeless body in front of him. Guy used this moment to run out of the room, and hastily back to his friends who must have been worried because it was only minutes away from dinner time.
Guy ran back into the cell and slumped up against the wall, out of breath, covered in blood and his right arm swinging from side to side with every movement. “No questions now, we need to get me cleaned up quickly, not to draw any attention. This is very important, quickly.”
Not a word was spoken as everyone did their part cleaning up Guy. Luckily all the first aid supplies were still out from Abner earlier. The gang finished covering up the wound and headed to the cafeteria for what they hoped was to be their last time.
The group entered the eatery and Guy told them to get their food like they normally would. They all sat down and started eating.
“So what is the distraction?” Husky asked.
“Just wait for the lizards, I will take care of everything,” Guy instructed.
Then almost as if on cue, the kimono-dragon Varanus and the newt Sal walked into the cafeteria and proceeded directly over to the table Guy was sitting at. Sal pulled out a blade and pointed it at Guy, “I’m going to newt-er you guy, right here, right now,” he threatened.
Guy did not even look at the two, he just kept eating his food and spoke with his mouth full, “I’ll just punt you again, and everyone will cheer again when your parts are all over the place. What are you going to have to cut everyone?”
“You little piss ant, there are worse things than being cut,” the dragon said.
“Like being kicked into a fan I would imagine, am I right or am I right,” Guy shouted causing an uproar throughout the room. “They love me here, I am their new hero. If you martyr me, they will just love me more, and respect you less; if that is even possible. Every time they see the fan spinning they will think of the guy who stood up to tyranny. Every time they feel that cool rush of air from the vents they will be rejuvenated with hope. It’s hard to believe that after one day I am already a legend. How about a round of applause for me,” Guy asked as he threw his left arm up in the air and stood to soak in all the claps that were thrown at him from all the prisoners.
Angered at the situation, the lizards whispered to each other for a moment before Sal leaned in and whispered into Guy’s ear. “Prepare to be hated and punished by your so called devotees. Remember, there is no loyalty in jail, things could change at the drop of a hat.” As the newt spoke he jabbed his blade into Guy’s thigh and quickly turned and walked toward the exit with Varanus.
Once at the door the kimono-dragon demanded attention. “Silence! Apparently your new beloved thinks he is above the law, and since you cheer with him, you will all pay the consequences.” The two lizards then stormed out the doors.
“So that was your plan? Piss off the guards, they are going to be watching you closer than even,” Husky said, seeming somewhat irritated.
“Just wait,” Guy requested as he pulled the newt’s knife from his thigh. “Everything went as planned, well besides the stabbing.” A loud clank then echoed through the room as the fan slowly spun to a stop. “OK, now it is time to go. Guards gone; check; fans off; check.”
The six of the planners casually walked to the exit. Guy poked his head out the door and checked to make sure no one was in the corridor and then swiftly four of them ran, one of them flew and one of them rolled to the laundry room. Guy completely ignored the excruciating pain running through his arm and leg lifted up Cannibal Bowling Ball up to the vent to begin his chewing. Loud screeches of grinding metal were audible through the entire room, making it very uncomfortable, but it was working. There was a hole in the vent large enough for most of the gang to fit through when a dark bulky shadow appeared in the doorway. Everyone’s hearts sank as they turned around to see who had caught them.
“YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.” The figure shouted as he stepped into the light, revealing himself to be Pongo. “YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE…WITHOUT ME. YOU TOOK AWAY THE ONLY ONE THAT MEANT ANYTHING TO ME, SO I WISH TO JOIN YOU ON THE OUTSIDE TO START OVER.”
“I did not make you kill the Pinnipeded One, you did that with your own rage, therefore I have no guilt, nor do I owe you anything. Plus, why should we trust you with our escape?” Guy responded.
“LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY. IT WAS NOT A REQUEST, IT WAS AN ORDER. TAKE ME OR I WILL SLAUGHTER YOU WHERE YOU STAND.”
“As I was saying, welcome aboard Pongo.” Guy then held the bowling ball back up to finish the hole before being pushed aside by Pongo, who grabbed the edges of the hole with his hands and tore an opening large enough for everyone to fit it. Each of them climbed into the vent and the escape was underway. They all knew it was going to be a long trek through the unfamiliar vents. Not knowing what obstacles awaited them. Not knowing if they were all going to make it. No knowing if the vents even lead to the outside. This was a great time of uncertainty, what was to become of the gang?
CHAPTER 3
The gang came to a grate, which Guy forcefully pushed on leading the gang to the other side of the prison fence. The land of freedom. “Well, that was easy,” Guy gloated, “time to seek refuge in case they start looking for us.”
“THERE ARE WOODS UP THIS WAY THAT WE CAN LAY LOW IN,” Pongo added.
“Why are you talking like that?” Ruth asked.
“He is a capitalist Ruth, and by the way Pongo, you are free now, you do not need to talk like that anymore,” Guy explained.
“YOU KNOW YOU ARE RIght. I have been so use to talking like that I forgot it was part of my punishment, just came as second nature. Anyway follow me, since you took me along with you, I will take you to a safe place.” Pongo waved for everyone to join him and he ran ahead of everyone.
“Should we trust him?” Husky asked. “He was the Pinnipeded One’s enforcer; he is not a good person.”
“What choice do we have, we need a place to hide. Everyone just keep a close watch on him,” Guy said as he started following the orangutan.
The seven fugitives trudged their way through the trees following their orange haired guide. Guy decided to make small talk with Pongo, to try to test his character. “So where are we headed?”
“I use to live around these parts,” Pongo revealed. “Up ahead is the Head and Shoulders Forest, in between them is my neck of the woods.”
“So you use to live here. Seems like a long way from home. If you don’t mind me asking, what were you in for,” Guy asked.
“I lived here for work, work which is what landed me in prison. It was not exactly legal what I was doing. I had a partner, and the two of us would travel to the local towns and steal bicycles, then take them back to the woods and disassemble them. We would put together new bikes from the parts and sell them on the black market for a hefty profit. Unfortunately we got in over our heads and took on a partner. Our partner however was an undercover on a sting mission to bust the whole business wide open. My partner escaped, but I was thrown in the can for my bike peddling operation. Well, here we are, my home away from home, away from prison.”
The group now stood in front of a large shack that was in shambles. The windows were broken and pieces of woods, bike parts and tools were scattered all over the front of the shack. Pongo headed for the front door, which was off its hinges but stopped in his tracks at the sound of an angry howl.
The howl ended and then came a series of questions growled from the interior of the shack. “Where did you come from? Where do you plan on taking me? Where have all the cowboys gone?”
“Dirus? Is that you?” Pongo excitedly jumped up and down hearing the voice. “It is my partner Dirus, I thought you were extinct. Dirus it is me, Pongo.”
The door open and a wolf strolled out, then once seeing Pongo, ran over to him and the two embraced. “Where have you been? Where did they take you?”
“What’s with the interrogation?” Cannibal Bowling Ball asked.
“You must forgive him,” Pongo started, “he is a Where Wolf. I can’t believe you have been here the entire time. We have much catching up to do. I have been in prison at Penciltentiary. We broke out, and these six helped me out when I was in dire need. They are going to be staying here until the heat dies down if that is alright with you.”
“Where ever you can find a place to sleep is yours,” Dirus stated and then walked back into the shack with Pongo.
“Do you think they even know we are gone yet?” Daisy asked Guy.
“Who knows Daisy,” Guy replied. As Guy spoke the gang could hear a siren blaring in the distance. “I will take that as a yes, they probably know we are gone by now.” The group chuckled and then all regrouped inside the shack.
Everyone rested and they enjoyed a night of freedom and small talk. Guy decided that it would be best if they headed off in the morning in search of Daisy’s former farm in search of her lost little ones. With her natural sense of direction combined with her motherly instinct, Guy was certain that she could lead without fail. Pongo informed the group that he appreciated the escape, which he forced himself into, but that he would not be joining the rescue mission. He did however add that if there is ever a time of need, Dirus and Pongo would be at their service.
When morning rolled around, Pongo and Dirus said their farewells to Guy, Cannibal Bowling Ball, Abner, Husky, Daisy and Ruth. “Be safe,” Pongo wished.
“Where ever you travel, be safe,” Dirus added. “Wear warm cloths to fight the chill and remember we’re here for you.”
The crew embarked through the woods led by a determined Daisy. She hustled at a pace that was difficult for Abner to keep up with for he was aged and had stubby legs. When Guy saw that Abner was tiring, he proceeded to carry him to allow time for the gopher to rest. The rest traveled without rest and soon fatigue was setting into everyone, Daisy included, but she knew that she was getting closer. Daisy could feel that her puppies were close; she began to get jittery and excited. She never thought the day would come when she would be able to see her children again. She began to run as quick as her golden legs could carry her. She ran ahead of all the others out of the forest into an open clearing. She could see her former farm house in the distance and began to run even faster. This was her chance; she ran paying no attention to her surroundings. She hurdled the property fence, she ran through the brook, and she ran right into a horse, knocking her off her feet leaving her dazed.
The others soon caught up finding Daisy lying there and a horse facing the farm with a picket sign screaming at the farm. “What do we want? Equine equality. When do we want it? Now!” He screamed and answered his own chant until Guy interrupted him to find out what happened to Daisy. “Sorry about that,” the horse apologized, “I was just standing here, and she plowed right into me. I was going to see how she was doing after I finished my set.”
“Who are you, what are you protesting, and do you know if there is a litter of puppies who live on this farm?” Guy impatiently asked.
“The name is Sampson,” Sampson the horse introduced. “I use to work on this farm until Mother handed the farm over to the cows, who betrayed us horses, forcing us into slave labor. I am protesting the unfair treatment of my brethren, all of which are still inside. I wish some of them would join me for the cause, but they fear for their safety. Once the cows gained the farm they turned it into a quilt factory, where they use the horses to work the dangerous fabric machines and sew from sun up to sun down. They sell the quilts at ridiculous prices as authentic Cloven Woven pieces, but they are not, it is done completely by horses, it just is not right. If we do not oblige to the cows, they send us off to the glue factory, where the pay is much lower and the hours are twice as long.”
“Time for an intermission Sampson, what about the puppies?” Guy interjected.
“Yes, they lived here from the time the humans worked the farm, but unfortunately, those sweet little pups turned to the dark side after being raised by the chickens. Now they work under the cows, and are as cruel as horse shoes. Every day they come out here during my protest and snip at my ankles, in fact it is about time for them to be on their way.”
The look on Daisy’s face showed mixed emotions after hearing that her children were given a fowl upbringing, but she needed to see them. Lucky for her, she did not need to wait any longer, out of the barn appeared seven furry little faces each one mean with malice and they rushed towards the horse. Paying no mind to Daisy and the others, the puppies bit at Sampson’s heels. Daisy unable to witness such a display from her own flesh and blood reprimanded her children. “You stop at this instant. You all should be ashamed of yourselves. A bunch of handsome young pups acting like animals, and look at your faces, they are filthy.” The Lloyd’s all stopped what they were doing and stared at Daisy, their heads slowly falling to an embarrassed bow as Daisy went on. “I did not raise any animals, in fact I did not raise you at all, but that is going to change right now. If I see you pull that sort of stunt again, I will make you wish that you had never been birthed. I have brought you into this world; I can just as easily take you out. Now enough business talk, come hear and give mommy a hug.”
At hearing Daisy refer to herself as mommy, all the puppies heads raised, their eyes widened and their ears jutted back. They knew that this real mother was standing in front of them at last. They all rushed her, rolling her over and bombarding her with kisses, hugs and licks. It was an emotional sight for even the coldest of hearts.
While the family was reuniting, Guy took the opportunity to learn more about the farm. “So tell me about what is going on in there Sampson.”
“We horses are expected to produce as many quilts as the cow’s demands. They are lead by a vicious couple. Betty is in charge of the production. She walks the floor with her punishment weapon. It is some sort of staff that can be used as a whip, she calls it her Bow-vine, and its lashes leave you incapacitated. Her partner in crime is the alpha male of the pack, who likes to be called The Bos. He is as mean as they come, a real bully. One time we messed up one of the machines really bad, and he came in and really Taurus a new one. That is when I decided that I needed to make a change. I started the protest, and from dusk ‘til dawn I yell. The bad thing is none of the others workers will join me; the good thing is I can yell all I want without any fear of becoming more horse than I already am. All I want to do is get away from this farm life and live the life of a racist. I am telling you the track life is the life to live.”
“Why don’t you just leave the farm?” Ruth asked.
“I can not abandon the hard working horses being taken advantage of. My voice speaks for all those not willing to speak up. I have a purpose, and I must do all I can to set things right,” Sampson said, holding his head up high.
“That is very noble of you,” Guy confessed. Guy then turned towards his friends and asked “now that we have reunited Daisy, what say we help out Sampson reclaim the farm in the name of the Nay Sayers?”
Husky was the first to voice that he backed Guy’s decision, “I will follow this guy to where ever he leads me. He sacrificed his own safety to bring Daisy the kind of sheer happiness that only a sheep knows. That kind of selflessness is only found in a true leader. I, Colonel Husky Cornelius Grainger am yours.” Husky took a knee in front of Guy showing his servitude.
Abner also decided to kneel alongside Husky. “I admire this guy. He used the utmost intelligence and wit to secure us outside the prison walls. That kind of smarts is very rare in these times, especially in a human. For this fact, I agree that this kid has got what it takes. I too will follow you.”
Ruth then buzzed to the ground and knelt as best as a bee can. “This guy shows true emotion. He has heart, and he has character, likable, yet stern and diligent. He is a people’s person who gets the job done. I know a little something about being a leader, and he is it.”
Daisy got to her feet, panned the faces of her children and repositioned herself next to Ruth and took a knee. “Kneed I say more, I am forever in your debt.”
Cannibal Bowling Ball then rolled over to the line to show unity. “I feel like I am somewhat out of place here. I actually belonged in prison and I broke out with you because you were my cell mate. I feel like you gave me a second chance at life. I want everyone to know that this guy is my friend, and as a friend, I will travel through thick and thin for you.”
Guy was touched by the display of devotion and decided that since he was elected as leader he better act like one and come up with a plan. “Thank you for the kind words. We are going to head down there and scope out the situation and devise a freedom plan. Daisy, I am going to ask you to stay here for now with your pups, you eight have some catching up to do and do not need to spoil your time. Sampson, what can you tell me about the farm and the cows.”
“It use to be a potato farm before the humans were evicted, now no crops are grown here, just the quilt factory, that the cows are trying to milk for all its worth. The cows are also mad with power. They outnumber us horses, but have become lazy due to their inactive ways. I was trying to explain to the horses that we do not need to be intimidated by them, but I just can not seem to get my message across, it’s almost as if they are wearing blinders.”
Guy thought for a moment. “Crooked cows and no potatoes on this farm, well these lack-taters must be stopped. I am disgusted by the corruption that has taken over all over. It is time to set some things right. Let’s go in for a closer look.” Guy headed toward the barn followed by his mini mob while Daisy and her puppies gleefully played.