The
Haunted Homeowner’s
Survival Guide
What the ‘reality’ paranormal TV shows won’t tell you!
by
Timothy Pontious
Timothy Pontious lives in Indiana, and is a writer in a technical field.
Of possible interest is his pervious project, a modernization of Thomas Jefferson’s selection of scripture verses now republished as The Jefferson Bible for the 21st Century!
For more information about this Smashwords edition of The Haunted Homeowner’s Survival Guide, please visit is
©2009, Timothy Pontious. All rights are reserved. This special Smashwords edition is Published in the United States by The Reading Desk.
Acknowledgements
I’ve been scratching somebody’s brains. Hopefully some of it rubs off. I also hope it doesn’t mean that I’m turning zombie....
Seriously, this project wouldn’t have happened (or, wouldn’t have been this complete) without input, guidance, and discussion with an informal collection of technical people with a scientific frame of mind, who believe that the paranormal field is a fascinating study, and who have either investigated haunts or have been ‘haunted’ themselves. These colleagues include guys experienced in electronics, a psychologist, and paranormal investigators. As a group we are both believers and skeptics, subject to different opinions and backgrounds.
Thanks in particular go to Dreamsinger, Karina Kay, LauraLocke and Orion for their insights and feedback. There is seldom a week that goes by that I don’t have something new to think about with this crew! May your thumps in the night be only happy ones!
This project is also for Wendy and Joe, and their new house with their annual September visitor. No, I can’t explain everything. But I’m still trying.
This project was kicked off with an idea of providing a lifeline to homeowners who are experiencing paranormal phenomena. Whether you are feeling uncomfortable, or someone you know is having problems, I hope this effort eases your mind.
There is a lot of uncertainty over the field of paranormal research. There are both joyriders and serious investigators. Many forms of evidence have been presented over many years, but there seems to be no definitive proof of the paranormal – no scientific tests. What are you supposed to believe? What should you do to resolve your problem?
If you’ve been watching ‘reality’ based paranormal TV shows, there is one thing to get firmly in mind up front - those are shows. The entertainment media needs to provide an audience to keep the advertisers content. If there were a season or two of shows where no spooks showed up, according to their ‘evidence’ then the show would be canceled. I don’t know if anything has been faked, but I certainly concede the point that with money on the table the temptation to cheat a little and spice up an episode or two would definitely exist.
There has been a lot of heated debate about whether these shows might have faked some ‘evidence’ or not - but this book project is not about those shows. I’m not going to bash another investigator’s efforts. I am, however, going to explain what your expectations should be if you host an investigation.
Another reason for this book is an effort to reset the scientific debate around the paranormal phenomena. There is far too much urban myth being presented as fact, and too little actual help available. This small book isn’t going to settle any debates. I just sincerely hope it helps you with your visitor!
Unfortunately, the field of paranormal research and investigation is is a field of uncertainties. However, as a homeowner with a problem, you deserve a straight answer. This information has been pulled together to try to give you those straight answers.
The facts are:
Paranormal investigators won’t be able to agree among themselves whether your house is haunted or not.
‘Proof’ is often offered based on unfounded assumptions, untestable theories, and (often) improper use of investigative equipment.
There is no basic standard for an investigation.
There is no scientific description of what it is that is being investigated.
It is difficult to identify the joyriders from actual scientists.
Even if undeniable proof is discovered, that doesn’t mean anyone will believe you.
To find your answer, you will either need to arm yourself with some information, or ask somebody to investigate things for you.
These are some of the questions we will try to answer for you:
How do you know you’re getting an investigation group that is reliable and honest?
What can you expect from an investigation?
How do you know you can trust the evidence of a ‘haunting’ they present, if they find any in your home?
What is the equipment they will use on an investigation, and how do you know they are using it correctly?
And who am I?
I find myself understanding of and sensitive to both belief and skepticism. I was trained for the ministry, but decided my path needed to go a different direction. I understand the power of belief. I deal with technology on a daily basis - and have for many years now. I also am therefore well versed in the idea of proof and keeping your wits close at hand.
The view from here in the middle can be a little confusing at times, but the middle is also where the ideas from various camps can come together and find some sort of synchronicity.
I write both professionally and as a hobby.
I am not here to take your money with expensive courses, technical gadgetry, or allegedly absolute answers.
I want to present a balanced, honest, and hopefully correct and scientific explanation wherever I can.
I am focused on getting real information out to homeowners like you who believe they may have a haunt of some sort.
Not everything that is unexplained is a ghost!
Yes, there are unexplained phenomena, and some of them are extraordinarily spooky. Shadows, voices, light switches, TV malfunctions, water faucets, doors opening or closing... it seems sometimes like a manifestation can do anything it wants!
But also be aware that it is also perfectly normal for somebody who thinks they may be haunted, to have a strong tendency to think that everything that goes thump in the night is a 'ghost'.
Take a deep breath. The odds are very good that your home is not actually haunted.
Even if your home is admittedly haunted, many things that are going on are likely explainable. Estimates vary widely among investigators, but a ballpark 80 : 20 ratio seems to explain the concept. For every 100 reports of a paranormal occurrence, some are legitimately unexplainable (20), but most can be explained (80).
A brief history of “proof”
Mankind has always had to lean on religion to explain things like disease, storms, and the mysteries of death and dying. For only the most recent past have we known about things like bacteria, static discharge, and arteriolosclerosis. We still do not know what causes paranormal activity with any scientific certainty.
From the 1840s to the 1930s, there was a Spiritualism movement (also called Spiritism) that centered around mediums giving seances in the dark. These people gathered together to contact the dead. During these seance sessions, the "spirits" would rap on tables, play instruments, levitate objects, and speak to the people gathered. The more theatrical the performance, the better the reviews! This lead to more widespread skepticism about the movement, lead in part by magician Harry Houdini. The frauds were exposed and the movement faded away.
Today, we gather around in the dark and watch TV shows where the "investigators" let the spirits rap on water pipes or make electronic devices blink at us. They show us cold spots and EMF readings. The more theatrical the performance, the better the reviews!
There is nothing truly new in the paranormal field as far as confirmation beyond any doubts, since the 1840s. The theories have changed to reflect new devices, but there still is tragically little to offer in the way of scientifically valid proof once you set the current fad of pseudoscience aside. Mankind has learned more since 2008 about planets in solar systems very far from our own than we have been able to learn about ‘hauntings’.
It is also a field where many people have their mind already made up about the paranormal. This is why I want to do a thought experiment right off the bat.
Let's put a different shoe on that same foot for a minute. As you keep reading just keep in mind that I am trying to show you an absurdity in order to illustrate the problem.
Suppose I say that I have an invisible leprechaun in my closet. I want you to find him and get rid of him for me, okay? He throws clothes off the hangars and into piles in the corner. He turns the lights on and off, and I hear his boots dancing on the floor sometimes.
Yeah, I know. You don’t think you have a leprechaun in your closet so this doesn’t apply to you. Okay, but let’s think here for a moment. How do you catch a leprechaun?
I'm glad you asked, because there are two basic schools of leprechaun catching.
Believe there may be a leprechaun. An investigator could give me the benefit of the doubt, and try to find the little guy. Set up cameras, thermal leprechaun detectors, magic emission finders, and boot thumping sensors. If you find any evidence that way, you'll be inclined to believe you really did find a leprechaun. That's what you were looking for, isn't it?
Believe there might not be any leprechaun. Using this method you would investigate the hangars to make sure the clothes should have stayed on them. Is there anything in the closet that could have knocked the clothes off? Check the piles of clothes to see if it is just normally discarded laundry (ew!) or if it has anything else going on. Does the light switch have a second circuit, a faulty switch or a loose lightbulb? Also, check out the floor carefully for construction faults, noises caused by seasonal expansion and contraction from heating systems or air conditioning.
For a third option (yes, I know I said there were only two) you might think about talking me into getting an evaluation at the hospital, because most sane people don't believe they have leprechauns in their closet. Perhaps I need medicine (or a different prescription) or I need some sort of other professional help? Yes, this method is not a school of leprechaun catching, but it is a possible means of resolving the problem.
In this case, if you use the term 'leprechaun' with me, it is an agreement that something odd is going on, even if there is no proof of an invisible wee Irishman digging around my dirty socks for a pot of gold.
You didn’t believe I really had a leprechaun in my closet, did you? Most particularly, you don’t believe that a leprechaun would ever find a pot of gold among my dirty socks, right?
With either investigation method, you may find a simply unexplainable phenomena (maybe it is some wee Irishman?). Or, you may decide it is ordinary activity, such as the cat or sleepwalking.
What is a ghost?
Many people would commonly answer that it is the remaining spiritual energy of a human who is no longer alive. What is a demon? Many people would commonly answer that it is an energy force or a spiritual entity of a being who is not human, probably with hostile (or at best not friendly) intentions.
Yes, the dictionary has a definition for ‘ghost’. That doesn’t mean that science would know exactly what to do with a ghost – even if it walked in the front door of NASA, volunteered, and didn’t dissipate.
The legends and stories we hear about ghosts are sometimes contradictory as far as their capabilities, but they follow similar themes. Below are some of the things that have been reported, and therefore attributed to ghosts, poltergeists, demons, or whatever they are.
Another side note here. There are two schools of thought about how ghosts are able to do their spooky stuff. One school thinks that spirits directly affect equipment and the physical universe. The other school thinks that paranormal effects happen only in your mind through something called ‘psi’. Either school provides ground for research and attempting to find verifiable results.
Visual phenomena: Ghosts (or spirits or whatever they are) are alleged to appear as ’shadow people’ or as apparitions. This means that whatever energy is there can either absorb or block photons (shadow people) or emit photons (apparitions). There is no known energy field or substance that can do anything of the sort, unless it is highly classified and belongs to the Department of Defense. And even at that possibility, it is more dense and heavier than air, and probably weighs many pounds.
Noises: Ghosts are alleged to make noises like falling pans, clinking chains, slamming doors, voices (talking, singing, moans), or footsteps without actually moving any objects. Are they causing vibrations in the air or are they manipulating your hearing internally?
Hot / Cold spots: Ghosts are alleged to be able to change the temperature of rooms or localized parts of rooms. A source of energy usually has a tendency to create heat since most processes waste energy (which is why light bulbs get warm for instance). How do you make a cold spot in the middle of the room by using some form of energy without a powered condenser?
Kinetic: Poltergeists are alleged to be able to throw physical objects, manipulate light switches, move chairs, interfere with electronic devices, or play with toys. This requires energy, but there is nothing detectable but the air itself. Can they really touch us, too?
So where is science supposed to start? It would be bad enough if ghosts only did ONE of these sets of things. What does this all mean in measurable, scientific terms?
How can anybody know for certain the difference between a ghost and a demon? Definitions are usually based on assumptions and how the manifestation impacts on belief systems.
What kind of spiritual energy is this, exactly? Does it have a voltage? How many milliwatts does it take to create an apparition or a moving shadow? Energy fields are measurable, so this should be a piece of cake, right? Some kind of oscilloscope or some other electronic thingy ought to do the trick. Right?