THE SINGLE GIRL'S GUIDE TO EGG FREEZING
By Effsie
Published For Smashwords by Effsie
Copyright Effsie 2011
Cover Design by Effsie
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Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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Table of Contents
THE SINGLE GIRL'S GUIDE TO EGG FREEZING
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THE SINGLE GIRL'S GUIDE TO EGG FREEZING
I remember the day I first hear about egg freezing. I am 33 and a good friend, seven years my senior, is visiting. She has just started IVF (in-vitro fertilisation). She takes a deep breath, sighs, fixes me with her eyes and says: "If I was your age, I would freeze my eggs." After a few moments of gobsmacked silence on my part, I ask my friend what is involved. She tells me that it is the same process as IVF, except that you do not get the egg fertilised or put back into you. When she mentions injections, hormones, blood tests and general anaesthetics, the squeamish part of me and the part of me that doesn't believe in meddling with the body decides: "No thank you." I am young still, and meeting someone is my priority, I am sure that things will work themselves out naturally.
In the four years to follow, two Mr Could-Have-Been-The-Ones enter my life. We have discussions about families and futures - but things do not pan out. At age 37 and three-quarters and newly single, an out-of-town friend gets in touch to say that she is coming to London for a day trip. This friend is in her early 40s and serious about having a baby, to the point that she will become a single mum, if the right partner does not come along soon. She mentions that she is going to be at The Fertility Show in Earls Court until 6pm to investigate her options, and suggests that we meet for coffee nearby after that. "Tell you what," I say, "I'm not getting any younger - I think I'm going to come with you."
It is nerve-wracking walking into the exhibition space at Earls Court on that November morning because I am admitting something - namely that I am a single woman, approaching her fertility sell-by date and I want a family and a man and I have neither. I am praying that I do not bump into anyone I recognise here. Thankfully, the organisers are very discreet - there are no identifying name badges to wear and as I sit down to my first seminar, I realise that I knew next to nothing about fertility. As the day moves on, not only do I become relaxed and chatty with whoever is around me, I become empowered and informed. I have traded in the stigma I felt about being here for an excitement for the possibilities ahead.
I learn that after age 35, fertility takes a huge dip and by the early 40s it is next to non-existent. On the graph the presenter is holding up, 38, my upcoming birthday, is shown as another point at which fertility sinks ever lower. That is when I get my a-ha moment - I want to egg freeze! I zoom from stallholder to stallholder at the exhibition to ask about egg freezing, embryo freezing, sperm donors, adoption, you name it. I know that I do not want a baby at that present moment, but I want the option of being a mother in the future. I leave with flushed cheeks and an action plan. I am going to get my fertility tested on the NHS, the UK's free nationalised health system, and if the results are promising, I will start taking folic acid (that's what you're meant to do if you're preparing for a baby, right?) and after three months of taking it (I think that's how long you're meant to take it for), I will have my eggs frozen and divide the batch in half, so that half will be eggs on their own and half will be fertilised with donor sperm. One of the exhibitors advised this as the success rates are higher with frozen embryos.
This plan means putting my life on hold for three months, but I am happy to do so for the long-term gain. In a Shirley Valentine moment, I decide to go abroad for my egg freezing and make it into a holiday. Being naturally attracted to men with Mediterranean colouring, I like the idea of a Greek or Spanish sperm donor. I can give the whole procedure the air of a summer romance.
REASONS NOT TO USE THE NHS. THE LOWDOWN ON FERTITLITY TESTING.
Making the appointment with the GP was relatively easy. Going for the first time to the health store to buy folic acid was difficult - it felt like that moment when I walked through the doors to the Fertility Show and by my actions I was admitting something to both myself and the world. The actual consultation with the GP was not so easy. I sensed hesitation when I told her about my wishes. Instead of consenting to refer me to the fertility clinic straight away, she said that she would check with other doctors in the practice first and said that I should come back in a couple of weeks. I did and I got my referral. My hospital appointment was for six weeks later - auspiciously, just a few days before my birthday.
Please don't bother with referrals to your local NHS fertility clinic. It ended up costing me precious months and causing considerable distress, as you will read. It all seemed like a good idea at the time, to get the tests done for free, so that I could be saving my money for the more costly procedure. However, due to the huge NHS waitlists, it took 3.5 months between having my tests and getting the results, by which time the results were out of date, so I had to repeat them all privately. The GP can generally do some of the blood tests needed and for a couple of hundred pounds the complete "ovarian reserve tests" can be done privately. The NHS currently only do egg-freezing for medical reasons, such as if someone is about to undergo chemotherapy or other medical procedures which may compromise fertility. They do not offer treatment to women wanting to delay motherhood for what they call "social" reasons such as being single or in the wrong relationship; or being in the wrong place financially or career-wise to have a child.