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First Edition

April 2011

The following stories were written from the true experiences of the author.

Some of the names and locations may have been changed to protect privacy.

True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Table of Contents

Forward: Introduction

Section l True Stories of Care-giving Experiences

Chapter 1: Change in Career 8

Chapter 2: Jimmy and Sabrina - Their Commitment 12

Chapter 3: Matthew - Finding Comfort in Food 18

Chapter 4: Kathy - A Family in Turmoil 32

Chapter 5: William - Building Trust 54

Chapter 6: Francis - Finding Closure 78

Chapter 7: Sam - His Strong Will to Live 100

Chapter 8: Maxine - Coping With Loss 106

Chapter 9: Dave - A Family Caregiver's Prospective 112

True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Table of Contents

Section ll – Family and Caregiver Resources

Appendix A: Building Trusting Relationships 122

Appendix B: Safety in the Home and Hidden Dangers 126

Appendix C: Nutrition and Food Preparation 130

Appendix D: Dementia and Memory Loss 134

Appendix E: Exercise and Social Activities 138

Appendix F: Working With Family Members 142

Appendix G: Supporting Loss and Grief 146

Appendix H: Caring for the Caregiver 152

Acknowledgments 155

This Living Book will continue to grow with the shared experiences of it's readers.

Please join us online at: www.TrueCallingBook.com and share your experiences.

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True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Forward - Introduction

If someone would have told me 20 years ago that I would now be writing a book about my care giving experiences, my reply would have been ..

"You must be mistaking me for somebody else!"

Growing up in Southern California and playing the guitar at an early age, my career ambitions were initially focused on the music industry. As a songwriter, singer and performer, I experienced professional success as a young adult.

The age of home computers in the 1980's sparked a strong interest in programming. First as a hobby, then later as a career choice. I worked for several pioneering companies that were responsible for the early development of the Internet. This was an exciting time in my life filled with travel and financial rewards.

With the dawn of the New Millennium, a series of unforeseen events lead to a new and unexpected career path. What was to be a temporary position soon became a work of passion and rewarding experiences. Each client wrote a new and unique chapter in my life. As I would tell these stories to family and friends, it became apparent that I had finally found my true calling.

I dedicate this book to all the special people that I had the opportunity of sharing

a chapter in their lives and in doing so enriched my life forever.

Laura Marie Patterson

May, 2010

True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Chapter 1

A Change in Career

My application and background checks are now complete as I eagerly await a call from my new agency and my first caregiving assignment. I reflect back on the circumstances that had brought me to this crossroad in my career and the decision that would not only change my life, but also touch the lives of those placed in my care.

Caregiving was to be a drastic departure from my previous career as a software engineer. Although challenging, sitting within the confines of the cubicle for many hours a day leaves little time for social interaction.

Living and working in Hawaii was an enjoyable experience. The beautiful beaches and spectacular sunsets were a welcome break from the daily stress and demands required of my job. Unfortunately with the Internet downturn and the eventual sell off of the company I worked for, I had to leave this island paradise for the mainland in search of new employment opportunities.

After arriving in the San Francisco Bay area and the heart of the Silicon Valley, my worst fears were realized. The dot com crash was indeed nationwide and with no computer jobs available. This reality prompted a visit to the state employment office where I began my job search in earnest for alternative opportunities in the area.

In looking over the various job postings, one in particular caught my attention. It was from an health care agency that offered free training and placement for caregivers. This was of interest to me since I had worked in a hospital during my college years and found the experience very rewarding. After all, this would just be a temporary position until the demand for software engineers improves. I made the call later that afternoon. The call that would change my life forever.

8

Change in Career

Laura Marie Patterson

I was told that training classes were to begin the following week. I was to stop by their office and fill out the necessary paperwork in order to secure my seat in the upcoming classes. I drove to their offices in eager anticipation.

Upon my arrival to the agencies small but efficient office, I was asked to fill out an application and other required forms. I was also given an informational packet about the caregiving position. I took this home and later read through its contents.

A description of duties that is required of a caregiver was enclosed. These tasks included bathing, dressing, preparing the clients meals, shopping, laundry, light housekeeping and in some cases transportation to and from the clients appointments.

As I read over the list of assignments, the position seemed to describe that of a caretaker and not what I imagined of a caregiver. Certainly companionship and moral support would be an essential part of caregiving?

Since the class was scheduled to begin the following week, all my questions would then be answered. I looked forward to being active participant in the class and learning more about the caregiving experience.

The following Monday was met with eager anticipation as I entered the classroom. The seats were filled mostly with women representing various ages and ethnic groups. I took my seat at the rear of the classroom just as the teacher had arrived. She was an attractive middle aged woman, professionally dressed and carrying an armload of folders.

She introduced herself as Margaret, a Registered Nurse and Healthcare Administrator. She asked each of us to introduce ourselves starting at first row of chairs and moving around the classroom.

The folders were then passed around the room as she explained the topics that the class would cover. These included many of the tasks that were outlined in the information that I received from the agency. We were also told to purchase a workbook that would be the basis of our class curriculum.

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True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Each class discussed a new chapter in the book that we have previously read at home. The proper use of body mechanics for non-ambulatory clients was demonstrated. We also had some guest speakers discussing such topics as nutrition and proper bathing techniques. Upon graduation I was confident in the basic skills of caregiving and ready for my first hands on experience with a client.

My thoughts were now disrupted by the ringing of my telephone. It was Ann from the agency with my first caregiving assignment. I was to work with a couple that lived just down the street from my home in a large apartment building.

I was to report at 10:00 am the next morning and was advised that the husband Jimmy had just been released from the hospital where he had a heart bypass procedure. His wife Sabrina suffered from epilepsy since childhood and was also confined to a wheelchair.

Later that night I found it hard to sleep as my mind was filled with nervous anticipation, for tomorrow will be my first day as a caregiver.

10

Chapter 2

Jimmy and Sabrina - Their Commitment

True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Chapter 2

Jimmy and Sabrina - Their Commitment

The morning sun played host to a lovely Spring day as I walked the short distance to my first care-giving assignment. Upon reaching the building I noticed a phone at the entrance with listings of the each of the residents and a button to phone them. I looked down the list, found my client's names and pushed their button. After several rings, I was greeted by a mans weak voice and a faint hello. I introduced myself as their new caregiver sent by the agency and was promptly buzzed in.

I walked down the long hall lined with doors looking for their apartment number. I felt my heart beat a little faster as I began to feel nervous for the first time. As I approached their door I saw that it was already cracked open. As I stuck my head inside to say hello, I noticed the TV in the living room was on with two recliners facing away from the door. I said hello loudly as to be heard over the sound of the TV. In return I heard a womans voice say, "Come on in honey."

As I entered the room both had their attention focused on the television. I introduced myself and repeated that I was to be their new caregiver. The woman then introduced herself, "Hello, I'm Sabrina and this is my Husband Jimmy."

Sabrina looked much younger than her husband. Her long dark hair framed her rounded face and was parted to one side, slightly hiding one of her large brown eyes. Her skin was pale white and smooth, as she appeared to be in her 30s.

In stark contrast, Jimmy was a thin frail man with gray hair and thick eye glasses. His advanced age and failing health was apparent in his appearance.

Jimmy just stared straight ahead as he continued watching the program as I replied,

"Nice to meet you both".

12

Jimmy and Sabrina

Their Commitment

Sabrina then turned to join her husband without saying another word. I stood there for several minutes before sitting on the couch across from the two and remained there quietly until their program finished.

Jimmy turned off the TV as he turned to me abruptly and said,

"I sent the last three packing."

"Excuse me?", I replied inquisitively.

With a stern look he barked back, "They were all worthless, so I sent them home!"

Jimmy stood up from his chair grasping his cane as he made his way into the bedroom slamming the door behind him. Sabrina looked embarrassed as she apologized for Jimmy's behavior,

"I'm sorry Laura, Jimmy is not use to having anyone else around. Since his return from the hospital he has been very protective of me. You see Laura, it's always been Jimmy that has taken care of me. Please have patience with him. I'm sure you will work out just fine."

"That's okay Sabrina", I replied with a smile. "This is only my first day, we will all get to know each other better in time. Should I check on your husband?"

Sabrina looked over at the bedroom door then back at me as she replied, "it's okay, Jimmy is tired and it's time for him to rest. You can check in on him after awhile, but for now let's just have a talk."

"Can I get you something to drink? Maybe a cup of tea?"

"Sure, thank you", Sabrina replied. "The pot is on the stove and the tea bags are in the left side cabinet."

As I made my way to their small kitchen, I noticed the many photos that hung on the living room walls. Obviously these photos where taken over the many years of their marriage. There were also some family photos of what appeared to be Sabrina with her parents when she was a child.

13

True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

As I entered the room carrying the tray with our tea, I noticed Jimmy had sat back in his recliner and was now facing in my direction.

"I am sorry Laura for my outburst. I have not been feeling myself lately."

"That's okay Jimmy. It is perfectly understandable with all that you have been through. Can I get you a cup of tea or something to drink?" Jimmy replied with a smile, "No thank you. So, tell us about yourself Laura."

So I began to recount the events that brought me to their home. I explained that the two of them were my first caregiving assignment. "Please go easy on me!", I said with a light chuckle. Jimmy with a serious face replied.. "Well.. Your still here aren't you?, so I guess you have passed the first test!" With that last statement, we all laughed.

The weeks and months that followed were filled with talks, laughter, activities and outings. We would sometimes take our walks to a nearby park and carry a picnic lunch. Since their apartment was just around the corner from the market, all three of us would often go shopping together. Jimmy would coin our group collectively as " The Curiosity Train" for the funny looks that we would receive as Jimmy would lead us using his walker, Sabrina following close behind him in her motorized wheelchair and myself acting as the "caboose" pushing a cart filled with groceries. Jimmy had suggested on several occasions that he get himself an engineers cap. Jimmy certainly had an unique since of humor!

One morning on my way to their apartment, I noticed several emergency vehicles out in front of their building. Since there were several residents living in the building, I did not immediately connect them to Jimmy and Sabrina. As I entered the building and approached their apartment, it became apparent the response team was indeed for one of them. A neighbor was standing just outside their door and yelled out to me, "it's Jimmy!" As I made my way into their apartment, I could see Jimmy as he lay on the floor.

Sabrina was sitting in her chair and appeared to be in a state of shock. She had not even noticed that I had entered the room as I reached for her shoulder. "Sabrina, I am here, what happened?" As if coming out of a trance, she looked up at me with tear filled eyes, "he just fell to the ground and I called 911. Is he going to be okay?"

"Sabrina, Jimmy is in good hands."

14

Jimmy and Sabrina

Their Commitment

On the count of three the attendants lifted Jimmy on to the stretcher. I asked one of them where they were taking him? "Ma'am, we are air lifting him to Stanford Hospital." They carried Jimmy out to the awaiting helicopter that had landed on the roof of their large building. I sat with Sabina on couch with my arms around her she began to sob as she asked, "Laura, what will become of me if something happens to Jimmy?"

"Jimmy is one his way to one of the top hospitals in the country. Meanwhile, I will remain here with you until we get word of his condition, then I will make arrangements for you to go see him, okay?"

"Thank you Laura. It's so good to have a friend like you at a time like this."

Sabrina's words reached to the core of my heart as I realized the important role that I was playing in both her and Jimmy's life. "Sabrina, I need to use your phone to make a couple of calls. I need to call my office to make arrangements for your overnight care while Jimmy is away and then I will call the hospital. Are you okay?, Can I get you something?"

"I just want my Jimmy!" as she continued to sob.

Later that day we received a call from the hospital. Jimmy has been moved to the cardiac care floor and was in stable condition. He had a minor stroke, a complication of his previous bypass surgery. Sabrina's quick response in calling 911 was a major factor in saving Jimmy's life. We would go to the hospital the next day and most days over the the two weeks until Jimmy was released back home.

Shortly after Jimmy's stroke, the county that was providing their care-giving services through my agency decided that it would be best that Jimmy and Sabrina relocate from their independent living building with a caregiver to a supervised 24 hour care facility. Neither of them were happy about the counties decision however, in the best interest of safety and to better monitor their heath-care needs, it was the best possible recommendation for them.

I think of Jimmy and Sabrina often. Their strong love and commitment for one another was inspiring, and the experience I had gained from this assignment was invaluable.

15

True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Chapter 2 Jimmy and Sabrina - Their Commitment

Resource Index

Appendix A: Building Trusting Relationships . . . . . 122

Appendix F: Working With Family Menbers . . . . . . .105

Related Chapters

Chapter 5: William - Building Trust . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54

Chapter 9: Dave – A Family Caregiver's Perspective . .112

Chapter 3

Matthew - Finding Comfort in Food

True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Chapter 3

Matthew - Finding Comfort in Food

After working exclusively with Jimmy and Sabrina over the last 10 months, the agency would assign to me up to five different different clients a week. One of those clients was a 40 year old man named Matthew living with his elderly mother in her small home.

Matthew has been plagued with a serious eating disorder for many years. His weight had ballooned to over 500 pounds and was impacting both his physical health and his ability to live independently. His extreme weight gain made it nearly impossible for him to perform normal daily activities and he required a special breathing machine when he slept at night. I was assigned to this case 4 hours, three times a week to provide help with his bathing, exercise and meal preparation.

Upon my arrival at their home, I was greeted by a petite attractive elderly woman that introduced herself as Betty, Matthew's mother.

"Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Laura and I was sent by the agency to assist your son Matthew."

"Come in my dear, Matt is still in bed sleeping. Won't you have a seat in the front room. Can I get you something?"

"No thank you Betty, I am fine. When does your son normally awaken?"

"It depends.. he did not sleep very well last night. To be honest with you Laura, I am very worried about my Matt."

18

Matthew

Finding Comfort in Food

The look of concern was written all over her face as she to continued to explain the many attempts to control his weight even to the point of stomach surgery. "He cares more about food than he own health, and it is killing him!" As she continued, the tears began to roll down her tired eyes. "I just don't know what to do anymore. I love him and he is my son but he refuses to help himself."

Laura: I can see that your a caring and loving mother, but even the best of intentions require cooperation. Possibility there is something I can do to help? Has he ever been to counseling or a support meeting?

Betty: He has been to several behavioral therapists but has never opened up to them. His weight has been up and down since his adolescence.

Laura: Over eating like other types of addictions are often a symptom of a deeper emotional problem. Just like alcoholics, there are support groups for compulsive over eaters. Has anyone ever suggested he attend one?

Betty: I don't believe he has ever been to one. Possibly you could suggest the meeting to Matt?

Laura: Sure, first I will let Matthew become comfortable with me otherwise the suggestion may make him feel awkward.

Betty: Thank you Laura. I think I will wake Matt and let him know your here. Let's keep this discussion between us, okay?

Laura: Of course Betty, I really appreciate your candidness about Matthew and I look forwarded to getting to know him.

Betty excused herself and headed down the hall on her way to her son's room. I thought about Matthew's refusal to confine in the therapist and wondered if he would be willing to confine in me. It will be hard to make a real difference in Matthew's life with the limited time I will have with him each day.

19

True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

I could hear the distant whispers of Betty waking Matthew. "Matt, your caregiver is here.. you should get up now." In response I could only hear Matthew's grumbling. After a few minutes Betty returned.

Betty: I'm sorry Laura, Matt will be up shortly. It takes him some time to get himself out of Bed

Laura: Should I help him with anything?"

Betty: Matt is somewhat embarrassed, he was expecting a male caregiver.

Laura: I see, should I call my office to see if they can send a male caregiver to assist him?

Betty: No Laura, I think you may be best for Matt. Let's give it a try, okay?

I told Betty I would be happy to help her son in any way possible and then headed to Matthew's room. I knocked on his door..

"Good Morning Matthew, my name is Laura. I am here to give you a hand. I know this is a bit awkward for you." a deep voice loomed from behind the door, " just a second, I am putting my robe on" The door soon opened and out walked Matthew. A very large man indeed, but with a gentle smile and ease about him.

"Nice to meet you Matthew. Since this is our first day and I don't know your normal routine, do you mind guiding me along?"

"Well.. first I will wash up. Do you mind fixing me something to eat? My mom will show you where everything is at"

"Certainly", I said with a smile. "Just let me know if you need any help."

I could hear Betty already in the kitchen with the pots and pans rattling as I headed down the hallway.

20

Matthew

Finding Comfort in Food

Laura: What does Matthew usually have for his breakfast?

Betty: He likes his frosted corn fakes first. Then he will either have 3 eggs with toast or pancakes and bacon.

Laura: That does not sound like a very healthy diet for a man in his condition.

Betty: I know Laura. Lord knows I have tried to get him to get a smaller and healthier breakfast, but if I don't fix it then he will eat whatever he can find in the cabinets.

Laura: Like what?

Betty: Like chips, cookies, and even candy.

Laura: Do you mind my asking who has been doing the shopping?

Betty: Well, lately I have been driving to the corner market and picking up a few items during the week. I had a friends daughter do shopping on the weekends before she had left for school. That is partially why your here Laura. In addition to his personal care, I was hoping you could assist with the shopping as well?

Laura: Of course Betty, that is part of my duties. I must say however, it is also my responsibility that Matthew eats a healthy diet. Many of the clients I have worked with have special dietary requirements. Matthew's diet plan should be based around low fat high protein foods and restricted sugar. Does Matthew like fruit?

Betty: He does like bananas and strawberries with sugar sprinkled on them.

Laura: Bananas sound okay and strawberries are fine, but the sugar is a absolute no-no. Do you have any of these in the house?

Betty: No, we need a lot of food items. Could you possibly do some shopping today for us?

Laura: Sure, but first I would like to discuss a food plan with Matthew first and suggest some healthier choices. Let's get his breakfast ready and while he is eating I will make a grocery list.

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True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Betty: Sounds great Laura! I am so glad your here to help out with all of this, I just do not have the energy anymore.

Laura: I am happy to be here and I will do my best to help Matthew starting with his diet.

As Betty and I was preparing Matthew's breakfast I could hear him enter the living room and turn on the T.V. Betty told me that she brings his breakfast on a tray and he eats in the recliner that also has a built-in lift to assist him in getting up. I brought in the tray with his cereal, one piece of toast and two eggs. I could immediately see the look on Matthews face as he saw the portions that were provided to him.

Matthew : Where is my bacon? and I always have 3 eggs with my breakfast!

Laura: I am sorry Matthew, you are low on groceries right now. While you are eating I thought we would make a shopping list together and do some meal planning?

Matthew: Fine by me. I need plenty of hamburger meat since I like my burgers for lunch. We just get the large family pack since it is cheaper than buying the smaller individual packages.

Laura: An occasional hamburger is fine but I would suggest ground sirloin since it is much lower in fat than ground beef. Also, having variety for your lunch would be better. Would you agree?

Matthew: Laura since it's your first day and all I will go easy on you, but I do have my limits!

I could see by the expression on Matthew's face that he was not comfortable with my intervention. This was to be a difficult transition for him and all my efforts in getting him to eat a healthy diet will be in vain if he is not a willing participant. I will make these changes gradually and temper them with positive reinforcement. Baby steps in the right direction will eventually make a difference. If I push to hard, he will not accept my help and refuse my services.

22

Matthew

Finding Comfort in Food

Laura: Okay Matthew, I am sorry. Please understand, I work with many different clients and each of them have their own dietary requirements. My only intention is to get to know the kinds of foods you enjoy and assist you in making healthy choices. Can we meet somewhere in the middle?

Matthew: Many have tried to control my diet in an effort to help me to lose some weight but even loosing 100 pounds would barely make a dent in my 500 plus total weight!

Laura: I cant begin to imagine how hard life must be for you, but doing nothing is not the solution. Even my best intentions will make no difference unless you want change your life for the better. I am here to support you in your difficult journey, but you must be willing to take the steps necessary.

Matthew: So what is your suggestion then Laura?

Laura: Let's begin by making some simple substitutions. For example, instead of the sugar frosted flakes, how about plain flakes with bananas or strawberries?

Matthew: No sugar? I don't know about that!

Laura: Then we could add a small amount of sweetener such as Splenda. How does that sound?

Matthew: Okay. I will try that.

As we developed a meal plan, I would flag the high fat and carbohydrate items and suggest a way to replace them with a healthier choices. Soon our shopping list was complete and a 7 day meal plan was developed. After finishing the breakfast dishes, I headed to the super market with my shopping list in hand. Knowing that Matthew was a party to the meal plans was a great first step. However, realizing that bad eating habits are difficult to break, this is going to be a challenge.

After returning from the market, I organized the groceries and then joined Matthew in the living room.

23

True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Laura: Mission accomplished! We are all set with our menu for the week. I will prepare your breakfast and lunch while you mother will make your dinner for you. Not only do we need to modify your diet, but portion control is equally important.

Matthew: So now your going to starve me too?

Laura: Not quite, but we have to limit your calories in order for you to loose weight. Also, exercise is another important component.

Matthew: You mean weight lifting and such?

Laura: No, I suggest walking for starters. After breakfast a short walk and in the afternoon as well. Not far at first, but slowly build our distance over time. Agreed?

Matthew: Okay.. but it is hard for me to walk, so we will have to take it slow.

From that very first day in working working with Matthew, we both developed a mutual respect. I was determined to show Matthew that we could work towards his elusive goal of losing the weight needed to regain control of his life. Although we only had four hours daily together, we worked out a schedule which included his walks. He slowly adapted to a healthier diet with smaller portions. Betty was pleased with her son's progress with guarded enthusiasm for her disappointment she experienced in the past. We did not have a scale at his home in which to weigh him, so we had to wait until his monthly doctor appointments.

The first month Matthew lost approximately 25 pounds which was less than we both anticipated however, "every pound lost is a still a victory", as I would later explain to him. I also noticed a change in Matthew's attitude and personality. He did not seem as cheerful and talkative as when we first met. After breakfast one morning I talked to him about what I had observed.

24

Matthew

Finding Comfort in Food

Laura: Do you mind if I ask you something Matthew?

Matthew: Sure, go ahead.

Laura: You don't seem yourself lately, is there something bothering you?

Matthew: No, not really... I mean, I don't really care anymore.

Laura: Don't care about what?

Matthew: About my life, I guess.

Laura: What would make you feel that way? Your making progress right?

Matthew: Yes, but all for what? I have no real life anyway, I never have.

Laura: Your still young Matthew and have your whole like ahead of you. How about your friends?

Matthew: I have had difficultly in forming lasting relationships. I am not close to my brother and my father left when I was only seven years old. My mom is all I really have and she is getting along in years.

Laura: Is that why you have always turned to food, for comfort?

Matthew: I guess you could say food has always been my friend.

Laura: There is nothing wrong with enjoying food as long as it does not become a health issue and dominate your life. I have a friend that has an eating disorder and attends a support group. It's a great place to share issues in your life that have driven you to over eating. Would you like to attend a meeting? I would be happy to go with you.

Matthew: I don't know Laura. I mean, I am not big on sharing my personal life with a bunch of strangers!

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True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Laura: You do not have to share anything if you don't feel comfortable. The main reason is to listen to others explain their challenges and to know that you are not alone.

Matthew: Okay, I will try one meeting.

After discussing the benefits with my Care Manager of Matthew attending the over eaters support meeting, I was given the green light for us both to attend. The following Monday evening we attended the first over eaters support group meeting. It was hosted by the local church and was held in their large multipurpose room. There were between 30-40 people in attendance sitting in an informal semi-circle of chairs. We both quietly took our seats towards the back of the room just as the meeting began.

The guest speaker for the evening was a reasonably attractive middle aged woman that carried a healthy weight and a bubbly personality. She began by reading from a book that explained the philosophy of their twelve step program and what was expected from the members of the group. Much like any addiction support group, the focus being on recovery and maintaining absence from over eating. The core of the meeting consisted of testimonials from members that have had ninety days or more of compliance in their meal plans. This included working with a sponsor on a daily basis and reporting what foods and the amount that was consumed. Each speaker would speak briefly about their struggle with food addiction and the emotional factors that have contributed to their need to over eat.

Matthew sat in silence and listened intently to each of the presenters. At one point all new comers were asked to identify and introduce themselves. Matthew did not raise his hand as he did not wish any attention from the group. I felt that when the time was right and he felt comfortable, Matthew would participate in the group. This being the first meeting it was enough for him just to attend.

When the meeting paused for the midway break, a gentleman approached Matthew and introduced himself as Charles. He appeared to be about Matthews age, tall and fairly thin. With a big smile on his face he repeated, "Matt, don't you recognize me? It's Charlie!"

Matthew: Charlie? I don't believe it! I have not seen you in years, you look great!

Charlie: Yes, I have been going to the meetings now for about a year and half, and I've lost over 200 pounds!

26

Matthew

Finding Comfort in Food

Matthew looked surprised to see his friend appearing so different than the last time he saw him. I could also tell that Matthew was embarrassed for Charlie to see him with even more weight than before. Matthew introduced me as his friend Laura that had suggested the meeting to him.

Charlie: Nice to meet you Laura. Matt and I go way back to our high school days. I had moved from the area for awhile and just returned a few days ago. Are you a member of the over eaters group also?

Laura: Nice to meet you too Charlie. No, I have a close friend Rebecca that is a member of the group and had also lost over 200 pounds. She had told me that coming here has helped her regain control of her life and of the great people that attend these meetings. I thought that Matthew might find inspiration and guidance here as well.

Charlie : Well, there is a fantastic group here that are very supportive of one another. When I started, I was unsure and had only attended a couple meetings when I had stopped going. It was only when I returned and accepted a sponsor that I really began to see real progress and now I am a sponsor as well. Matt, I would like to sponsor you in the program. What do you think?

Matthew: Sure Charlie. What do I have to lose?

Charlie: Lots of weight for starters!

We all three laughed and I was excited and happy that Matthew was able to connect with an old friend and one that was willing to help him. After the meeting Matthew and Charlie exchanged phone numbers and Matthew told me of Charlie and his friendship while in school.

Matthew: Charlie and I where known as the "Boom-Boom Brothers" we were both pretty hefty and hung out together all the time. Charlie had similar family problems as his dad was an alcoholic and was abusive to him and his mother. We would share our tales of woe over a burger or two, or three..

Laura: It is easy to understand how you both would turn to eating as way of escaping your difficult family situations. After seeing Charlie again this evening, does it make you feel more hopeful about yourself?

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True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Matthew: For one thing it was great to see Charlie again and that he is doing so well. He is going to call me tomorrow morning so we can start on my recovery program and talk about old times.

Laura: That is great Matthew! Charlie seems like a great guy and it will be good to have your old friend back in your life.

As promised the next morning Charlie called Matthew and they worked out a food plan. We were to measure 6oz of protein for each meal along with 12oz of vegetables. For breakfast he could have a whole grain fiber cereal along with 8oz of fruit. We continued our daily walks which we increased to several blocks around the neighborhood. Charlie would often visit Matthew during the weekends. Matthew would get out of the house for awhile as they rekindled their friendship.

Matthew continued to lose weight as he and Charlie continued the program and attending the support meetings twice weekly. After about six months of working with Matthew he announced that he would be moving out of his mothers house and that Charlie and he were to share a place together. By that time Matthew had lost over 100 pounds and was doing much better than when I first started working with him. Charlie was a great influence and role model for Matthew and would continue to keep Matthew focused on his goals moving forward. I felt positive about Matthews future and still came by to visit with his mother when I was in the area. Betty told me that both her and Matthew were grateful for all I had done for him. I told her that it was Matthew's determination and her love for her son that made all the difference. I was truly blessed to have witnessed such a transformation and rebirth in one man's life.

28

True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Chapter 3 Matthew- Finding Comfort in Food

Resource Index

Appendix A: Building Trusting Relationships . . . . . . .122

Appendix F: Working with Family Members . . . . . . . 142

Appendix C: Nutrition and Food Preparation . . . . . . . 130

Related Chapters

Chapter 5: William - Building Trust . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54

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Chapter 4

Kathy – A Family in Turmoil

True Calling

Laura Marie Patterson

Chapter 4

Kathy - A Family in Turmoil

On the weekends I would occasionally accept relief assignments from my agency. One Sunday I was asked to fill in for the regular caregiver of a lady with multiple sclerosis. Her name was Kathy, a young and bright woman that began showing signs of the disease in her early 20s. Multiple sclerosis is devastating and progressive illness that affects the brain and spinal cord. In Kathy's case, the MS had progressed to the point were she was paralyzed from the shoulders down.

Her home was located in a nice quiet neighborhood and secluded from the street. As I drove down the driveway I could see a large ranch style home. After parking my car to the side of the garage, I walked up to the double red front doors and noticed a bright yellow note attached that read, "Caregiver please come in. Kathy's room is at the end of the hallway, the last door on the right" I was surprised to find that Kathy was at home alone considering her restrictive disabilities.

The house was tastefully decorated and in neat order. As I reached the end of the hall, I announced my arrival at Kathy's door.. "Hello, I'm Laura your caregiver for today"

Kathy: Come on in Laura.

As I opened the bedroom door, I saw Kathy with a pleasant smile as she lay in bed. I could see a bed tray across her lap that had several objects sitting on it.

Laura: Good Morning Kathy, are we alone in the house?

Kathy: Yes Laura, my brother and my sister in-law left about an hour ago. They should return before you leave this evening.

32

Kathy

A Family in Turmoil

Laura: What if there would be an emergency and no one was at home to assist you?

Kathy: You see, I have this special pointing device on my tray that I can use in my mouth to press the speed dial buttons on this pad. I can call my brother's cellphone, 911 or several other numbers and then speak through the speaker phone. I can also control my T.V. remote using it as well.

Laura: It must take some practice to achieve the accuracy needed to do all of that?

Kathy: You learn as a matter of necessity. I have become very good at it.

Her voice was clear but labored as she spoke. I could tell that she had some difficulty using her lungs due to her advanced MS however, her words were articulate. I was profoundly moved by her resilience and could tell that she was a determined woman with a strong will to survive.

Laura: I am truly impressed by your ingenuity Kathy. You have a beautiful place here. Is this your brothers home?

Kathy: Actually, it belongs to both of us. After my parents were killed in a car accident, my brother and I were left this home and all the furnishings. That was almost seven years ago. I moved in with my brother and his wife about 3 years ago after my divorce.

Laura: I am so sorry to hear about your parents Kathy. So how long were you married?

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