Singing for the Tears of the Moon
By
YoonOk Kim, Ph.D.
SMASHWORDS EDITION
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PUBLISHED BY:
YoonOk Kim, Ph.D. on Smashwords
Copyright © 2011 by YoonOk Kim, Ph.D.
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Singing for the Tears of the Moon
Do you know why you are here on this planet at this time?
In 1994, I came to Albany, New York. I took an airplane, for the first time, from Korea. I did NOT know anyone, but just had dreamed of getting a Ph.D. When I was packing, my friend, Mee-Jung, asked me what the last thing was that I wanted to do before leaving my native land, South Korea. I told her that I wanted to see a movie.
A few days before my departure from Korea, my friend and I saw the movie, The Last of the Mohicans. In the movie, the main character—Hawkeye—said, “You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you.” Strangely, I felt strong sensation that he was speaking to me even if it was just a movie.
After the movie, my friend and I went to my favorite ManDoo (aka. dumplings) restaurant. We ordered steamed ManDoo and spicy noodle with triple hot red pepper sauce, called Choul-Muyn. So Yummylicious!
But, Hawkeye’s words from the movie have haunted me ever since.
~~~Even though the story itself was a fictional work.
~~~Even though it was from a movie.
~~~Even still now.
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When I came to Albany, NY, I had the strange feeling that I was very familiar with this strange land. Weirdly, I’ve never lived before, and this was in a strange new land.
Have I ever been here before?
Have I ever known this land?
I knew nobody here!
A few days after I arrived in this new land, one early June evening, I was sitting on the bench at the downtown campus of University at Albany.
It seemed as if the land was attached to me in a comforting way even though I knew no one. I felt I had seen this land before and was even sure that this land knew me very well. I sensed that I was a part of a whole and felt vibrated when the birds, the trees, soil and sky welcomed me.
I was a stranger in a strange land.
I knew nobody here!
Have I ever known this land?
A warm breeze touched me and connected me with the heartbeat of Albany soil and took me back to my childhood memories~~~with my mother. Very whole-hearted feeling that helped me connect with the warmth of the mother soil~~~ to the memories of my mother
~~~to the days of my wobbly dance for my unhappy mother when I was a little and tiny girl.
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The time I started in the English as a second language program and until the day I received my Ph.D. degree, my life went by so quickly that I do not remember all that filled my days. Then in 2007, I had a near-death, an aneurysm in my brain ruptured (A.K.A. the subarachnoid brain hemorrhage). In the critical care unit (CCU) at Albany Medical Center, doctors ordered nurses to check my speaking and motor function of my legs and arms every two hours and went over ‘what-if’ scenarios. I got the impression that they doubted my recovery of being normal.
After more than one month of hospitalization in both the CCU and the ICU, I came home, but I was very weak. I suffered numerous setbacks since the multiple brain surgeries.
But beating all the odds, I survived after the rupture~~~ I survived.
I survived through gardening~~~ through digging the soil.
~~~ through digging the heart of mother earth.
~~~ through digging the heart of universe.