Death
By Misadventure:
210 Dumb Ways To Die
Dale Dreher
Published
by Dale Dreher at Smashwords
Copyright 1999 Dale Dreher
All
Rights Reserved
Chapter 3 – Deathstyles of the Rich and Famous
Chapter 5 – Snakes, UFO’s & Other Nonsense
Chapter 6 – Dares, Games & Jokes
Chapter 7 – Stupidity on the Job
Chapter 8 – Planes, Trains & Automobiles
Chapter 11 – Death Takes a Holiday
The World Health Organization reports that almost 3 million people die in accidents each year, accounting for almost 6% of all deaths in the world. Of this number about 900,000 die in car accidents. Work accidents claimed the lives of another 200,000. The remaining 1.9 million people die from fires, falls, drowning, poisoning, suffocation, fire arms and other unintentional injuries.
According to the U.S. National Safety Council, unintentional injury is the 5th leading cause of death among persons of all ages. For people aged 1 to 38, accidents are the No. 1 cause of death. Statistics also show that men are twice as likely to die from unintentional injuries than are women.
This book contains examples of the most preventable kind of accidental deaths -- deaths by misadventure. The fatal accidents presented here have all been reported in newspapers or other media. They are the more unusual examples of dumb ways people die. They are accidents of arrogance, stupidity or complete recklessness.
I have collected these stories with two purposes in mind – to inform and to entertain. I have tried to keep the tone ironic but respectful. I hope one reader, one day, might think twice before diving in unfamiliar water, driving while intoxicated, or … making love to a backhoe!
Dale
Dreher
Toronto
1.
You First, Greg.
Gregory
Cohen, 18, died attempting to break in to a grade school. Instead of
smashing a door or window, Gregory and his two pals decided to enter
through a furnace exhaust vent. Gregory managed to get 6 feet down
the narrow shaft before he succumbed to the carbon monoxide fumes and
intense heat. Greg's two accomplices fled on bicycles after calling
police and pointing the way to the shaft.
Toronto
Star, April 5, 1993
2.
Calling Dr. Pepper.
Between
1981 and 1988, 11 people in the United States died while tipping
soft drink machines. The accidents occur while people rock the
machines in attempts to dislodge coins or cans. Many such machines
are top heavy and can weigh as much as 1,000 pounds.
Winnipeg
Free Press, July 19, 1988
3.
Thelma and Dan Duk Thieu.
In
the early hours of a spring morning, a suburban youth's joy ride in a
stolen Dodge Caravan ended fatally when he drove off the Scarborough
Bluffs on Lake Ontario. Police recovered the 17-year-old's body from
between the middle and back seats of the locked vehicle at the bottom
of the 200 ft. drop. One can only suspect that Dan mistook the
Caravan for a Magic Wagon.
Toronto
Star, April 19, 1995
4.
Probably His Butt, Officer.
After
a night of drinking, Christian Robichaud tried to break into his
neighbor’s apartment by climbing across the balconies. He was
startled when confronted by his elderly neighbor. Trying to flee, he
plunged 17 stories to his death. "I just heard a 'pat'",
said Robichaud's intended victim. The responding Detective concluded,
"It's death by misadventure, it was an accidental fall. I just
wonder what was going through his head on the way down."
Toronto
Star, January 25, 1996
5.
[.23 (7 x 32) 1 + 2,000,000] x 9 / 5 = 0.
On
a hot July night in 1985, 32 year old Ana Garcia and six
friends broke into a closed municipal pool in the Bronx, New York.
Garcia drowned and was later found to have a blood alcohol level
of .23 percent, twice the legal limit. Garcia's family later won a
$2 million negligence suit against New York City. The City appealed
and nine years after Garcia's death, the New York State Supreme Court
threw out the entire award. The five judges ruled unanimously that
Garcia's "reckless and culpable conduct" was the only legal
cause of her death.
New
York Times, October 21, 1994
6.
Burglar Gai Pan.
Octavio
Cerda killed himself trying to break into a Chinese Restaurant in
Lynwood, California. The 34 year old and a friend gained
entry through the restaurant's roof vent. Cerda died after falling
from the roof onto the hard kitchen floor. The friend fled and
alerted Cerda's family.
New
York Times, October 25, 1994
7.
Bible
Hard to Swallow.
Franco
Brun, 22, an inmate at the Metro Toronto East Detention Centre died
trying to swallow a bible (4 x 2.5 x .5 inches). The Coroner
concluded that the former race track employee was trying to "purge
himself of the Devil by consuming religion." Brun was serving a
15-day sentence for possession of a stolen credit card and damaging a
police car.
Toronto
Globe and Mail, September 3, 1987
8.
Driver
Strikes Lightning.
It
is alleged that Kent Wilson, 45, was electrocuted trying to sabotage
a 12,000 volt transformer in Mountain View, California. Wilson, a
delivery truck driver, was one of 2,000 striking employees of the San
Francisco Chronicle and Examiner newspapers. Wilson was apparently
trying to disrupt electricity to one of the papers' suburban
distribution centres.
Globe
and Mail, November 7, 1994
9.
Prison
Trash.
Florida
police had to use fingerprints to identify the remains of escaped
convict Anastasio Figueroa, 41, found at a landfill site. Figueroa
was serving a life sentence for attempted kidnapping when he escaped
the Hendry Correctional Institute in the back of a garbage truck.
Figueroa, however, did not manage to allude the truck's garbage
compactor.
New
York Times, February 16, 1994
10.
Mechanics of Sabotage.
It
appears that shop steward Kim Man Tseung was a casualty in the
workplace feud between mechanics and management at the New York
Transit Authority. Tseung's head and chest were crushed under a
12-ton bus. An air bag in the vehicle's suspension system had been
slashed, as had the bags on 2 other nearby buses. A folding knife
was found under the bus with Tsueng. The Transit Authority alleged
several other incidents of sabotage, while the union claimed that the
Transit Authority was pushing employees too hard, creating unsafe
working conditions.
New
York Times, November 4, 1994
11.
Operation Snake Dance.
George
Scribner, 38, of White Plains, New York, had been arrested 3 times
for trying to steal the copper wire that powers the Metro North
commuter rail line. A week after his last arrest, Scribner was found
lifeless beside his hacksaw. Scribner's arrests were part of a
successful police crackdown on the theft of the wire, which is sold
for $1 a pound. Operation Snake Dance reduced the rail line’s
losses from this type of theft from $1.3 million in 1990 to $120
thousand in 1992.
New
York Times, March 5, 1993
12.
Chew Your Evidence Slowly.
A
Buffalo man died shortly after being arrested for robbing a woman in
a supermarket parking lot. The suspect choked on a $50 bill he was
trying to hide from the police.
New
York Times, April 28, 1995
13.
Cold
War Victim.
Kevin
Mulcahy, a former CIA employee died from exposure on the porch of a
rural Virginia motel. Mulcahy, 40, was waiting his turn to testify
against another former spy, Edwin Wilson, accused of selling
arms to Libya. Mulcahy, who suffered from emphysema and pneumonia,
was reported to have been drinking heavily at the time of his death.
Wilson was later convicted on 7 of the 8 charges against him.
Miami
Herald, October 27 and November 19, 1982
14.
Way to go
Ohio.
High
school buddies, Paul "Little Keebler" Smith and John
Bertram, were surprised by an Akron car dealer while they were
stealing the hubcaps from one of the dealer's corvettes. Bertram was
caught, while Smith chose to climb a bridge's 7 foot fence and
drop another 15 feet into the fast moving Cuyahoga River. The
fleeing felon's body was found the next day. In memory of Smith,
friends got tattoos of a skull with a crew cut and ponytail bearing
the inscription "RIP 9 3 93". (Smith gained his
nickname, Little Keebler, after using a cookie sheet during a play
fight with friends.)
Akron
Beacon Journal, September 13, 1993
15.
Chemistry
Lesson.
Two
San Francisco Area thieves never knew what killed them. They stole a
tank of what they believed was laughing gas (nitrous oxide). When
they opened the cylinder in their car to get a quick high, they fell
asleep and died a few moments later. Had the crooks correctly read
the label of the tank they would have discovered that it contained
pure nitrogen. Since nitrogen is a major component in the air we
breathe, pure nitrogen does not have a noticeable taste or smell; it
is, however, heavier than air. So when released in a confined space,
pure nitrogen displaces everything else. The men suffocated within
in a few painless moments because of lack of oxygen.
National
Review, October 11, 1995
16.
Escape
from Club Pen.
Stephen
Peters was doing pretty easy time as an inmate at the William Head
prison near Victoria, British Columbia. The medium-security prison
is surrounded on three sides by the Pacific Ocean and boasts a
nine-hole golf course. The convicted thief and sex offender was
serving the fifth year of a 15-year sentence when he attempted to
swim to freedom. Peters and his prosthetic left leg, however, were
no match for the cold waters of the Pacific Northwest. The convict’s
body washed back onto the prison’s shore 2 days later.
Toronto
Globe and Mail, May 5, 1997
17.
Birthday
Bash.
Teacher
and part-time bartender, James Hartwig, was celebrating his 41st
birthday when he got into an argument with a police officer. The
officer was supervising the towing of Hartwig’s illegally parked
car. Because Hartwig appeared to be “extremely drunk”, the
officer refused to return the car to him and encouraged Hartwig to
call someone for a ride. While Hartwig was explaining that he did
not want to wake his wife, the officer was called away to a more
urgent matter. Hartwig continued his argument with the tow truck
driver, chasing the truck and banging on the passenger window.
Hartwig somehow slipped and fell under the 6,000-pound vehicle, which
crushed his head and chest. Hartwig was described as a “special”
teacher who “related beautifully” with his students.
Miami
Herald, November 29, 1988
18.
Hit,
Run and Die.
Donald
Lundquist, 65, walked away from a car accident, leaving behind his
broken glasses. Lundquist was missing for more than 3 weeks before
his body was discovered in a wooded area some 2 miles from the
accident scene. The exact cause of death was not obvious but there
were no signs of foul play.
Saint
Paul Pioneer Press, May 3, 1988
19.
Double-Barreled
Kickback.
Coroners
ruled Joe Norman’s shotgun death an accident despite the fact that
the former power company executive was facing charges of accepting
kickbacks from coal suppliers. Norman, 55, had spent the morning
hunting quail and died cleaning his loaded shotgun. Authorities were
convinced that the witness testimony and other evidence gathered at
the site were consistent with an accident and not suicide or murder.
The coroner did concede, however, “The only people who would know
that are God Almighty and Joe.”
The
State (Columbia S.C.), March 11, 1992
20.
Racing
Minnesota.
A
16-year-old robbery suspect ended a high-speed pursuit through
Wisconsin and Minnesota by accidentally shooting himself in the head.
The youth, who was suspected of robbing a gas station, led state
troopers on a chase that reached speeds of over 100 mph. At the end
of the chase one officer brought his cruiser alongside the suspect’s
vehicle. The suspect’s sawed off shotgun went off accidentally as
he was pulling it from a shoulder holster. His vehicle then went out
of control and left the road. The youthful suspect died of his
injuries within a few hours.
Saint
Paul Pioneer Press, April 26, 1989
21.
Fearful
Flying Felon.
Alleged
drug mule, Graham Marples, 44, panicked and died after smuggling $120
thousand worth of cannabis from Holland to England. Marples’ pilot
described him as a nervous passenger, “He kept saying we were going
to crash. Even before I had stopped, he grabbed open the canopy,
jumped out and went straight into the propeller.”
Electronic
Telegraph, August 15, 1996
22.
Harold
& Maude?
According
to staff and inmates at a Minnesota juvenile detention centre,
12-year-old, John H. Willingham died faking a suicide attempt. They
claim he accidentally hung himself with a bed sheet staging a fake
suicide attempt so he could be moved to preferred living quarters.
Willingham’s family claim the death was caused by staff negligence
and sued the centre for over $1 million in damages.
Saint
Paul Pioneer Press, August 24, 1994
23.
Sugar Coated
Death.
During
unloading at a Boston refinery, the bodies of two men were discovered
in the hold of a ship carrying 2 tons of raw sugar from the Dominican
Republic. Experts explained that raw sugar is loaded in a
cone shaped pile which later settles with the motion of the
ship. In this case, a particularly violent storm at sea caused a
sudden resettling of the load, quickly drowning the stowaways in
sugar. The refinery refused to accept the rest of the cargo.
Miami
Herald, December 31, 1982
24.
Teenage
Canaries.
Blackdamp,
a mixture of carbon dioxide and nitrogen is a common threat to coal
miners. The naturally occurring hazard can disable a person with one
breath. If not removed from the environment the victim quickly
suffocates. Three teenagers were killed and one critically injured
by the phenomenon while they were exploring an abandoned California
coal mine. The group ignored the warnings of one friend who
abandoned the lark complaining that he had difficulty breathing. The
responding police officer explained, “The others didn't believe him
so they went inside and they never came out.”
San
Jose Mercury News, August 15, 1989
25.
Electric
Throne.
Convicted
murderer, Michael Godwin, 28, was accidentally electrocuted while
using his cell’s toilet. Godwin was found sitting naked on the
steel toilet with the cord to his earphones in his mouth; the cord
was connected to the jack on Godwin’s television set. Experts say
that the cord and TV had not been tampered with.
The
State (Columbia, S.C.), April 11, 1989
26.
Electric Throne II.
Former
death row inmate, Lawrence Baker, 47, frustrated the Pennsylvania
Supreme Court’s 1986 decision to commute his death sentence to life
imprisonment. Ten years after he was saved from the electric chair
Baker accidentally electrocuted himself on an aluminum toilet. The
convicted murderer was wearing homemade headphones and watching
television at the time of his death. In this case, authorities
concluded that the headphones’ wiring was faulty.
The
Philadelphia News, January 3, 1997
27.
Ballpoint Pen Murder.
In
1991, Jim Terwiel, then 21, discovered the body of his mother in her
apartment in Leiden, Holland. No cause of death was apparent until
an autopsy revealed a ballpoint pen embedded in her eye and brain.
Turweil was convicted of his mother's murder in 1995 because he was
alleged to have confessed to his therapist that he had shot his
mother with a crossbow. Turweil's conviction was overturned on
appeal, however, and the court ruled his mother's death a freak
accident she likely fell while holding the pen in her
hand.
Reuters,
April 4, 1996
28.
Electric Secret.
Robert
Green, 55, was killed tending his marijuana plants. Green had
$32,000 worth of the illegal plants in a secret room beneath his
house in northern Florida. He was apparently electrocuted by faulty
wiring in his system of grow lights. Green's body was
discovered by his son. Police were not sure whether the plants were
grown for sale or just for personal use.
Tallahassee
Democrat, March 29,1997
29.
Fatal Greed and Desperation.
International
relief workers reported that about 10 looters killed themselves
accidentally during the September 1991 civil riots in Kinshasa,
Zaire. The accidental deaths included some looters who electrocuted
themselves pulling out live cables of appliances they were stealing
and one looter who drove a new car through a showroom window and
directly into a wall. One hundred other looters were shot and killed
by police and soldiers.
Reuters,
September 30, 1991
30.
Rubberneckers Revenge.
Susan
Smith was convicted of drowning her two small children by strapping
them in her car and rolling the car down the boat launch at John D.
Long Lake near Union, South Carolina. Two years later Tim and Angie
Phillips, a local couple in their 20's, accidentally killed
themselves, their 3 children, another child and a friend of Angie's
when they visited the site of the murders. Somehow the Phillips’
truck rolled down the same boat launch with four children and 1 adult
inside. All seven drowned including the other 2 adults who tried to
rescue the occupants of the truck.
St.
Paul Pioneer Press, September 3, 1996.
31.
Neverending Shortcut.
An
unidentified motorcyclist and a friend cut through a restricted Navy
bombing range near Yuma, Arizona. Unfortunately the pair learned the
hard way that all bombs do not explode when dropped. Some will
explode, however, when run over by a motorcycle. The biker was
killed. The passenger survived with serious injuries.
Los
Angeles Times, May 25, 1990
32.
Vanquished Vandal.
An
unnamed 11 year old English boy was killed while painting
graffiti in the London subway. He was hit by a train. The coroner’s
jury ruled that the cause of death was misadventure.
Financial
Times, 1987
33.
Gulp!
Grover
Morrison, 28, a suspected cocaine dealer, swallowed his merchandise
when police stopped his car in Lewisham, England. Morrison was
released at the scene when nothing was found in his car or on his
person. A few hours later the same police officer identified
Morrison's body in the local morgue. According to the coroner,
Morrison swallowed a 2 inch plastic ball of cocaine, which
leaked in his stomach. At the time of death, the amount of cocaine
in Morrison's blood was 20 times greater than the level considered
fatal.
Independent,
May 7, 1992
34.
Island Sherlocks.
Robert
Cohen, 54, was found in a pool of his own blood on the front step of
his home on Long Island, New York. Police first thought that Cohen
was attacked by his own Doberman that was guarding the body when
officers arrived. Then they thought it was murder when they
discovered that Cohen's throat had been cut not torn. There was no
apparent motive, however, and Cohen's pockets contained about $3,000
from the liquor store he owned. Finally, when the local medical
examiners found some of Cohen's hair and skin on the broken glass of
the front door, the authorities had to conclude that Cohen's death
was accidental. He likely tripped and fell into the window then
collapsed a few feet away.
Newsday,
October 8, 1987