The Crazy House
Greg Mathews
Published by Greg Mathews at Smashwords
Copyright 2010 Greg Mathews
There once was a house, it was named the Crazy House. Many people lived in this house and the house lived many people. There were 248 total rooms in the crazy house. The crazy house was crazily painted, on the outside there were 3,567 different colors. Some of these colors could not be seen by the human eye, some of the colors could only be seen by the snake eye. In addition to the crazy house being crazily painted it was also crazily made.
One day after a woman named Pastoria came home from working at the yarn-spinning factory she decided that her shack that she was living in was not good enough for her, after all she was the best yarn spinner in the entire Yarn Spinning factory. So she started to go through all of the dumpsters that were behind the local stores around her. Some of the things that she found were amazingly beautiful! She found briefcases, pillows, spoons, and many other wonderful objects. She started to make a giant pile out of all of the things that she found in the dumpsters. Pastoria was planning on making the pile of treasures 7 feet high before she started to use them for her house. Her neighbors did not like the pile very much because it was blocking their view of the beautiful butterfly field that was behind her house. Because she was getting so many complaints she had to start the building of the house when the pile was only 5.87 feet high. This made Pastoria mildly angry but she coped with her anger really well so she did not say any nasty things to her neighbors. When she started to build the Crazy House she found that it was hard to keep all of her treasures together. So she sent out a blog post that said "If anybody can make a substance that can hold my treasures together forever I will give them 5,000 dollars." Somebody quickly created a substance because 5,000 dollars is a very large sum of money. The person who created the substance worked for the agency that was name Sticky Substances of the Universe. Pastoria knew that this substance would be good because this person that created the substance knew about all of the sticky substances in the universe and therefore would be able to create something really sticky.
Pastoria's first thing that she built was the roof for the house. She slaved in the hot sun all day on the weekends building this roof. Sometimes the crows would come and try to take the treasures off of the roof but they would just get stuck to the roof and they would become part of the crazy house. The crows would not die because they were part of the Crazy House and they Crazy House does not make things die. When she finally finished the roof of the Crazy House it was more than 3 Acres wide and 4 Acres long. This was big enough for how much craziness was in the world. Many of her neighbors would look at Pastoria building this roof and they would think that she was insane! She was not insane of course, she was merely crazy. During the week Pastoria still had to work at the Yarn factory. She was still the best Yarn Spinner in the factory and many people were jealous of this. There was one boy who was particularly jealous on Pastoria. His name was John, now his name is Crazy Jon, John was right beneath Pastoria in the rankings, he was second. Second place is a pretty good place for a 2-year-old boy! He tried to learn all that he could from Pastoria but his crazy little fingers just could not move as fast as hers could. He tried everything from getting plastic surgery on his fingers to make them longer to getting robotic implants that would make his fingers move super fast! Both of these ideas did not work out because he was not appreciating his body for what it already is. He asked Pastoria was the secret was to spinning Yarn so quickly. She simply said that one must be a crazy person, to spin yarn really fast. At that instant he decided that he must strive to be the craziest person that he could be just so that he could spin yarn very fast. Pastoria was very happy to have a nice little buddy to help her build this crazy house. They instantly were having a great time together.
On the way home from the Yarn Factory they ran into some ducks. The ducks were not very happy that somebody was not paying enough attention to where they were walking and ran into them. Both Pastoria and John were extremely apologetic for running into the ducks and they explained why they were not paying attention. "We are off to build a crazy house!" said John. The ducks were not amused so they simply flew west, as they always do during the winter. When Pastoria and John got to the crazy house John was very surprised that it was not bigger. He thought that 3 acres wide and 4 acres long was not nearly the square footage that he would have liked in his home. Not to fret though because once Pastoria told him that some times you have to do things that you do not want to do because that is the craziest thing in the world! He did not like this very much but he just wanted to be really crazy! John was very anxious to get started building the crazy house even thought it was very late at night. He looked at the pile of treasures and started to pick out his favorite treasures to build with. Some of the treasures that he chose were scissors, eye contacts, and leaves. He found that they way Pastoria started building this house was very crazy! She was building it from the top down. Every time he wanted to make the building taller he had to wedge items underneath the roof so that it would push the roof up. This got to be harder and harder as John got more tired and more tired. John eventually fell asleep trying to put a spoon underneath one of the walls that he was building. All the while John was adding to the house Pastoria was sleeping. When Pastoria woke up she was surprised to see that the Crazy House was 14 feet high! John had built 14 feet worth of walls underneath the roof in one night! This was a crazy thing to do and she thought that this deserved a renaming. John from here on out would be named Crazy Jon; Pastoria thought that by losing the "h" in John it made him even crazier! Crazy Jon really liked this new name and was very happy that he was progressing in his craziness. Crazy Jon asked whether or not there were rules on how to become even crazier. Pastoria answered that there were rules but they were so crazy that nobody could understand them. This basically meant that there were no rules because if nobody can follow them then they no longer are there! She said the best way to progress in your craziness is just to do what feels the craziest for you.
Crazy Jon thought that spinning yarn was no longer very crazy. There were way too many people spinning yarn nowadays and he just did not want anything to do with it. I mean who wants to spin yarn if there are yarn-spinning competitions and there are rankings to see who is the best yarn spinner? Crazy Jon really just liked being crazy all of the time. Pastoria realized that Crazy Jon was growing up and that she needed to let him do some more of the work on the house. She decided that she could no longer help Crazy Jon out because Crazy Jon was already 3 years old! Crazy Jon enjoyed the added freedom of being able to choose exactly what he wanted to do with the Crazy House. He built the House up 72 more feet so that it was a total of 86 feet high! Once he built it this high he decided that he no longer wanted to be Crazy Jon anymore. He resigned from his Crazy position, took the name of John back, and decided it was time for him to go to preschool. Pastoria thought that this was very uncharacteristic of Crazy Jon but she realized that he must do what he has to do! Pastoria realized now that she must do all of the building by herself! She did not like the thought of this very much but she thought that she might become a little bit crazier if she just started building and she did not talk to anybody. So she decided to work on the inside of the building since Crazy Jon had finished the outside. She built 26 different floors in the building. These floors were a little bit smaller than the average height of floors but that is just what made them so crazy!!! She then built many different rooms in these different floors. Some of the different rooms were paintball rooms, ping pong rooms, sand rooms, carpet rooms, and pool rooms to name a few. Her most favorite room was the steak room. This steak room was not a normal Steak room. It did not hold the dead steak but it held the live steak that was supposed to become dead steaks but she rescued from the slaughterhouses. She only fed these steaks grass. She did not feed the live steaks corn, even though it was cheaper and all the other people fed their steaks corn, because it is not as good for the cows as grass is. Originally she asked the steaks what they would like to eat and they said ice cream. So she gave them ice cream to eat every day.
They soon were very sick to their bellies and the cows decided that they wanted to eat healthy and eat grass. The Steak room was Pastoria's favorite room because she likes to use the cow's horns as cloth lines. The steaks liked it a lot when the clothes were hung on their heads because the cows would play a game when they were wearing the clothes. The name of the game was called guess what I am. The cows would make different faces and poses and have the other cows guess what the cow was trying to be. Most of the time the answer was just that the cow was trying to be a cow with clothes on its horns but it was still fun for the cows. So far the only people that have ever been inside of the Crazy House have been Pastoria and Crazy Jon. Pastoria thought that it was now time to open up the Crazy House for other Crazy people to come and use this space to become a little bit crazier. At first there was not much response to Pastoria opening up the house to new visitors but then she realized that all she did was think about opening it up. She forgot to open the door! When she went to open the door she tripped down the floor hatch that she created so that people could get up and down the Crazy House. This floor hatch was nothing more than a hole in the floor. Pastoria thought that it was pretty fun to fall down the floor hatch and she thought to herself that she has to remember to have some fun with the floor hatches. When Pastoria opened the doors there was an extremely long line of people waiting to get in. She found this very surprising so she asked what everybody was waiting for. They all responded that they were waiting for a tour of the computer museum. She kindly informed all of the people waiting in the line that this was not the computer museum it was the Crazy House. Some of the people that were in line for the computer museum stayed for the crazy house because they thought that it looked pretty cool. They people that stayed were very interested in all of the treasures that the Crazy House was made of.
Pastoria responded that she found all of the treasures in dumpsters behind people's houses. These people were very surprised that there was this much cool stuff behind people's houses. Pastoria told them if they wanted to learn more about the Crazy House she could tell them the ways of the house. They quickly agreed to stay and learn as much about the crazy house as they possibly could! They even wanted to help out in the crazy house and provide as much crazy as they possibly could! There were five people that stayed to help out on the Crazy House. They were all waiters and waitresses before they came to the Crazy House. They did not like to be waiters and waitresses because they did not like to be around food. They preferred to take all of their nutrients in through an IV. Pastoria thought this was pretty crazy, she felt that they belonged in the Crazy House. These five people's jobs were to go and tell everybody about the crazy house. Most of the time they did not say any words, they just did crazy things and waited for people to ask them why they were doing such crazy things. When they were asked why they were doing such crazy things they would respond: "We do such crazy things because we like to be crazy. We live in the crazy House." Many people liked being crazy and they asked if they could go to the crazy house also. Of course the Crazy House does not turn anybody away so they accepted everyone that asked. Getting to the Crazy House was sometimes a pretty hard thing to do for newcomers. When you are a newcomer and you want to live in the crazy house you have to do the craziest thing that you have ever done just for the door to open for you. This shows the Crazy House that you are progressing in your craziness. For some people it is not very hard for them to get into the Crazy House because they are not very crazy to start with. Other people have to do much more extravagant things to get into the crazy house because they have done some pretty crazy things during their life. One person who wanted to get into the Crazy House had to go into a barrel and float down Niagra Falls just to even think about being able to get into the Crazy House. This may seem like it was a dangerous task but the Crazy House helped you out with your task if it was extra dangerous. The Crazy House gave the person lots of pillows to put into their barrel before they floated down Niagra Falls so that they were safe. Most of the time the crazy things that people did were not very dangerous they were more just crazy. One person balanced a pie on their head for 74 hours while they were eating ice cream to be able to get into the crazy house. Now that the Crazy House was getting some more residents John decided to come back and see how everything was looking. He really like how the Crazy House was maturing so he decided to take his name back of Crazy Jon. Crazy Jon was now 7 years old.
Crazy Jon had some bad news though.. While he was out in the world he found out that people did not like the Crazy House because they did not like how the Crazy House looked or the Crazy House just confused them. Many people like not being crazy and they thought that by having the Crazy House be in their town it was bad. So a lot of times when the Crazy House outstayed its welcome it would just get up and run to a new town. The Crazy House was a very fast runner. One of the cities that the Crazy House was in did not like the Crazy House so much that they started a Crazy House hater gang. The Crazy House did not like to be hated so it would just try to avoid the Crazy House hater gang. Sometimes this was a very difficult thing to do because the Crazy House hater gang spread their people out so that they could always know where the Crazy House was going to be next. The Crazy House had to take certain precautions when moving to different town. Sometimes the Crazy House would change what colors were on the outside of it. Sometimes it would put different sculptures on the roof. Sometimes it would have the crows dress up. Most of the times these did not work, but the people in the Crazy House had a lot of fun changing up the Crazy House. Two people that were living in the Crazy House at the moment were Bill and Janey. Bill and Janey met each other in the Steak room of the Crazy House because they were both watching the Steaks play their games. They immediately went crazy for each other and they were soon inseparable. Both Bill and Janey decided that they wanted to go and visit a Crazy Place that they had heard about. This place was named San Diego. San Diego was said to be really crazy because it was near the Ocean. Bill and Janey decided that it would be the most fun and therefore the most crazy to ride all the way to San Diego on Mopeds. They started to pack up all of their gear for their trip to San Diego. They were planning on traveling really light so they attached helium balloons to their bags. When they finished putting all of the snacks and fruit in to their bag they decided it was time to head out. The first stop on the way to San Diego was a small town named Jolly Wagers. Jolly Wagers was a major tourist attraction for all of the Crazies. They started off, blazing down the cool pavement of the Californian freeway.
Both Bill and Janey were expert moped riders and they could do wheelies forever. This was one of the reasons that Bill and Janey liked riding mopeds so much. As they would ride down the freeway they would weave in and out of the lines on the road. This made the time go by a lot faster. It started getting pretty late so Bill and Janey decided to set up for the night. They pulled off to the side of the road and pulled out jackets that they brought along. They put the jackets on top of poles and slept under the jackets. The Jackets were there so that people could see that there were sleeping bodies and they would not be disturbed. Bill and Janey woke up at 2:43 am the next morning and decided to get an early start on their riding. They enjoyed riding in the cool morning air. As Bill was riding he was thinking about how much fun the Crazy House has been and how much he likes it. He is starting to miss the Crazy House but he decides to keep on going to San Diego because of Janey. While Bill is thinking about the Crazy House Janey is laying back on her moped and texting as she drives. This is a very crazy thing to do because if you are texting you are definitely not looking at where you are driving. Janey did not mind very much if she was not looking at where she was driving because she trusted her moped to take her wherever the moped thought would be the best place to go. Janey and her moped had a very close relationship. The moped decided that it would probably be best to stay on the road this time because the moped just wanted to make a safe trip down to San Diego. While Bill was thinking about the Crazy House he looked up and he noticed a pink Geo Metro driving right beside him. He thought that a pink Geo Metro was about the craziest car that you could every drive! This car was so crazy in fact that it did not even have a roof! Bill decided to jump into the pink Geo Metro and talk to the owner for a while about the car. So he jumped off his moped and let it drive next to the car. Mopeds do not like to ride in cars very much so it was perfectly happy driving beside the car. Bill introduced himself to the driver of the car and the driver was very happy to see that she now had a passenger. She started babbling all over the whole car and honking the car's horn whenever she wanted to. She was a pretty crazy person so Bill the Crazy House. She said that the Crazy House sounded like the perfect place for her. She told Bill that she was going to go there immediately. Since Bill did not want to go back to the Crazy House at this point he hopped out of the pink Geo Metro and back onto his Moped.
He raced ahead a little bit to catch up to Janey so that they could talk. He caught up with Janey and Janey was very happy to see Bill. Bill asked all about how Janey's texting was going and she responded that it is going well but she needs to increase her speed, especially when she writes the word Balloon. When Janey said the word Balloon this immediately reminded Bill of a time when he tied a bunch of Balloons together and then held them in his hand and floated to South Africa. While in South Africa he picked up some diamonds and some really good food. Bill liked South Africa because there were a lot of flowers there. Now that Bill and Janey were halfway to San Diego they decided it was about time for a treat break! They opened up their backpacks and pulled our their treat bags. It was filled with the most delicious of treats. Some of the treats had not been invented yet, and some of the treats were really space treats. Bill chose the astronaut ice cream and Janey chose the future chocolate. The astronaut ice cream was just regular ice cream except it had no water in it at all. The future chocolate tasted like regular chocolate except when you talked it made your voice sound really funny. Bill and Janey both had a good laugh because of the future chocolate. Now that their treat break was over it was time for the final push to San Diego! They hopped back onto their mopeds and as soon as they got them started they ran over the road of nails! "OH NO!!!" they said. We did not mean to take the road of nails! So they asked the snakes on the side of the road if they could be their new tires. The snake said yes because if you are a tire it is like getting a really good massage the whole time that you are being ridden on. Bill and Janey were very happy that they could provide this assistance to the snakes. After the snakes were on the mopeds they ended up going a lot faster and they got to San Diego 12 minutes later. Bill and Janey were so happy that they made it all the way to San Diego! They looked at the city and they saw that it was close to the ocean and they said "Yep this is a Crazy City." And then they turned around and started to head home. On they way home they started to notice signs for a place that was said to contain the most mysterious and crazy animal in the whole universe. Not wanting to give up this opportunity they decided that they should stop and see this animal.
They were not really interested in the mysterious part of the animal; they were more interested in the crazy part. As they got closer and closer to the animal the sign became a lot more frequent. The signs read: "One of a kind animal!" "Beautiful thing of nature" "Sometimes feints!" Reading these signs they became more and more interested in this animal. They pulled into the driveway of the most mysterious and crazy animal's house and they got off of their mopeds. They entered into the hut and a very nice person greeted them. This person was wearing a pant leg on their head and they were wearing a flute necklace that was shaped as a fish. Both Bill and Janey immediately were absorbed into the fish necklace because of the magical powers that it contained. While in the flute they met a very nice genie that gave them some very fine tea. They enjoyed tea but not in the normal way. They enjoyed taking the tealeaves and using them to wash their laundry. After they chatted with the genie for a while they decided that it was now time to see the mysterious and crazy animal. The genie told them that there is a very easy way out of almost all of the genie houses. All you have to do is walk out the back door. They were very surprised about this because it was a very interesting application of craziness. Just looking at having a back door by itself is not very crazy, but when there is a back door that is easily usable in a genie bottle it becomes crazy. It is crazy because most people think that once they are trapped in genie bottle you are trapped and you must wait for somebody to rub the bottle to let you out. They are very wrong and it would only be kind the next time that somebody says anything about genie bottles being bad that you inform them that they are not bad, there is a back door. So Bill and Janey walked out of the door and told the person at the front counter that they really liked the fish flute necklace and they paid the 25 cents to get in to see the mysterious crazy animal.
They went through a curtained doorway and they walked on to a hay-covered ground. They started to wonder if this was going to be a disappointment or maybe a scam. They both raised their eyes and their eye fell on a goat. This was they very first time either of them had ever seen a goat and they thought that yes, this is the most mysterious and crazy animal in the whole wide world. They carefully examined the goat from the horns, to the nostrils, to the very interesting feet. Once they were done studying the goat and taking mental pictures of it they went to the front desk again to ask where they could find such an animal. The person at the front desk pointed to a sign on the wall that said: "Goat town. Come here, find goats." They wrote down the directions for how to find this goat town. The first step was to take your shoes off and walk to the nearest gas station. Bill and Janey realized they did not need their mopeds anymore so they gave them to the person at the front desk. The person at the front desk decided to take these mopeds and enter them into a moped communal living station where they lived out the rest of their lives. Meanwhile Bill and Janey started their first step to find a goat. They started walking on the side of the road to the nearest gas station. The net step was to get what is called the Jerk and Slurp diet. They go into the store and they order the biggest blue slushy that there is and they buy a large slab of grass fed imitation steak jerky. Bill and Janey do not like to eat the real steak jerky because most of the jerky that they see on the shelves of the stores are friends of the Steaks back home at the Crazy House. Once they got their jerk and slurp diet they read the next step which was to walk through a river. Luckily there was a river right by the gas station that they went to so they walked through the river. Once on the other side they were instructed to walk 23 steps into the forest. As they started walking into the forest they noticed that something was getting kind of strange. The trees started to move from one side of the path to the other side of the path. They were not just moving they seemed to be skipping across the path! Bill and Janey stopped one of the trees and asked what the heck she was doing. She told them that they were skipping across the path. Then Bill and Janey asked why she is skipping across the path and the tree responded, "Because I like to skip. Bill and Janey understand that doing what you enjoy doing is the best way to be a crazy person! After all, this is exactly how they became such crazy people. After they took a few more steps they entered into a pasture where there were many goats grazing about. Bill and Janey thought it would be fun to observe the goats in their more natural habitat so they decided to go onto their stomachs and crawl underneath the grass so that the goats would not see them. Some time when they were crawling the goat would eat their hair because they were such good hiders and the goats thought that Bill and Janey were patches of grass. One goat in particular was not fooled by Bill and Janey this goat was the smartest goat in the whole pack. This goat would stand on top of a very tall rock and it would see Bill and Janey crawling around underneath all of it's goat friends.
The goat cried out, "What are you doing sneaking around our field like cats?" Bill and Janey both looked at the goat and said, "Me?" The goat responded, "Of course silly!" Bill and Janey responded that they were just trying to see what goats did in their free time. The smartest goat said that they just do different goat things. Bill and Janey both agreed this was exactly what they goats were doing. They were now wondering why the smartest goat was not doing these things either. The goat responded that the smartest goat must watch over all of the other goat to try to protect them from danger. Now that Bill and Janey were becoming so interested in the goat culture, the goat wanted to know about their culture. The goat asked where they were from and Bill and Janey told the goat about the Crazy House. The goat really liked this idea of the Crazy House and asked them if he could come along and live in the Crazy House? Of course the Crazy House never turns anybody down so the goat was very welcome. The goat asked where Bill and Janey were heading. They responded that they were now going to head to the Crazy House. The goat told them that he had a teleporter that they could use if they wanted. Bill and Janey had never used a teleporter before so they decided to try it out. Bill Janey and the goat all got into the teleporter and they were instantly whisked into a pot filled with eggs and then they were whisked into outer space onto a spaceship. When they appeared there they met this crazy pointy-eared guy that told them they were very illogical. He then sent them in the right direction to get to the Crazy House. Of course the pointy-eared guy got it right the first time because he had pointy ears so he definitely knew his stuff. Once Bill, Janey, and the goat all got back to the Crazy House there was a huge party waiting for them at the house. They were not expecting this at all and they were very surprised! Pastoria and every one that was living at the house at the time gathered and waited non-patiently for Bill and Janey to get home. The goat fascinated everybody. Everybody wanted to look at the goat and ask him various questions.
He was very fascinated by everyone also and loved answer the questions. Once it got time for bed the goat was assigned a room where he slept in the room next door. Once the goat got into his room he found that the room was an extremely comfortable room. There were tons of things that were very soft and fluffy. There were also a lot of things that were hard and provided very good support. He liked all of these things and even met a new person. This person liked this room very much because they could just flop all over the place. The goat also liked to flop so they were very go companions. They snuggled almost all night long. Snuggling is actually scientifically proven to give anybody a better nights sleep. When the goat woke up he was very happy to see that there was a plethora of tasty dishes sitting next to him. The goat really liked to eat dishes and was happy that somebody figured that out and brought him the best ones to eat. Whenever anybody gave him anything he was always extremely appreciative and he tried to thank him or her whenever he could. Everybody in the crazy house was very interested in hearing all of the stories that Bill and Janey had experienced. They set up a time when Bill and Janey could speak in the concert hall to all of the people that were interested in the trip. Almost a total of 603 people showed up to the talk. Bill and Janey took turns talking during this time. One would tell their experience of what was going on and then the other person would tell their experience of what was going on. Both of the stories varied greatly but this kept the audience very entertained. Bill and Janey told the audience all about their moped ride and San Diego and the mysterious goat. Some people started to thought flour at Bill and Janey. This was a sign of major appreciation by the audience. Bill and Janey thanked everyone at the end of their talk and they headed back to the Steak room so that they could talk with the Steaks and watch them play their games. All through out the time that Bill and Janey were off visiting San Diego Pastoria had been very busy collecting different items for the different rooms.
Pastoria found that many different people liked a lot of different things. She decided that she would have a room for everybody in the Crazy House. The Crazy House liked this idea very much because the Crazy House like to help people be happy. Once Pastoria started to have these different rooms a lot more people started to come and visit the Crazy House. Some very famous people even visited the crazy house. Some of the famous people that came were George Washington, Albert Einstein, and Gilgamesh. Many of these people loved the Crazy House and much of what they learned came from here. These famous people always made sure to thank Pastoria for the great stay. Pastoria did not know who the people were because she did not read the news and she did not participate in current events. Pastoria's main focus was the Crazy house. Gilgamesh's stay at the Crazy House was a very interesting one. Before he came to the Crazy House he was a very mean person. He did not treat other people with the respect that they deserved. His mother decided to send him to the Crazy House because she had heard all about it and she thought that it would be a very good thing for Gilgamesh. While he was at the Crazy House he was kind of mean to people but they were so crazy that when he was mean they did not even notice. He realized that people would only notice when he would do nice things. This started to change his whole thoughts on how he should live. He started to be extremely nice to people and he would help out at the Crazy House wherever and whenever he could. He repainted the whole Crazy House with all of the colors. This was a very hard task to complete because of some of the colors that were not able to be seen by the human eye. But he finished the task and the whole Crazy House came out for a big party. There was a bunch of food and there was music and dancing. Gilgamesh had never danced before. He asked one of the people at the Crazy House if they could teach him how to dance. The person Gilgamesh asked was very willing to help teach him how to dance. Gilgamesh started to learn how to dance and was a natural. Gilgamesh started to dance everywhere that he went. He just loved to dance. He found that there was a dance competition that he could enter in New York City so he decided to go there and enter the competition. He decided to take a cab to New York because he did not want to drive there all by himself. He hailed the cab down and asked her if she would take him to New York.
She said that it would cost him 4,000 dollars. He said that this was ok and hopped into the cab for his long ride to the city. He looked around the cab and noticed that it was covered in shag carpet. He wondered why this was so he asked the cab driver. She responded that she liked how it looked when she rolled the windows down. Gilgamesh asked if he could try it out. They rolled down the windows and the shag carpet started to dance about. Gilgamesh agreed that this was very pretty. After they were done with the shag carpet they rolled up the windows. They started to talk about their past. The cab driver grew up in a small town in Wisconsin and her whole childhood she trained to be a alligator wrestler. She went to a special alligator wrestling school and learned all about the art of wrestling and alligators. She then combined both her knowledge of alligators and wrestling and decided that she would wrestle alligators. Because she knew so much about alligators she knew how she could make them go to sleep really easily. Her strategy was to make the alligator go to sleep and then just lay on the alligator; because it looked like she was pinning the alligator down she won right away. She entered into many competitions and the alligators always liked wrestling her because they would get a good nap. It was very hard to sleep in the alligator pens so sleep was a very important thing for the alligators. Gilgamesh thought this was very nice of her to do. When it came time for him to tell about his life he was ashamed of it. He does not like his past very much because he was so mean to people. He expressed his feelings to the cab driver and she understood. She once did something that she now regrets. She was wrestling a particularly angry alligator one day and the alligator did not want to go to sleep. Even though the alligator did not want to go to sleep she kept on trying and trying to make it sleep.
This went on for hours and hours. The whole time that she was doing this the alligator just kept on telling her that he did not want to go to sleep. She did not listen and because she was working so hard to make the alligator go to sleep she started to become sleepy. She fell asleep on the alligator and she ended up losing the match. You cannot win a wrestling match if you just fall asleep! Ever since this incident she has never wrestled another alligator; instead she drives a cab around all day. She likes her new job but she is just ashamed of how she stopped her last job. Gilgamesh told her that if she wanted she could take a detour and stop by and talk to the alligator that she was trying to make fall asleep and apologize. She did not like this idea at first but then she agreed to do it because it would be the right thing to do. They started driving to Wisconsin. The car ride seemed to be taking forever. The cab driver was getting more and more nervous the closer they got to Wisconsin. She just kept on telling herself that she will make the alligator very happy. She finally got to where the alligator lived and she told Gilgamesh to stay in the car because she wanted to talk to the alligator alone. Gilgamesh agreed to this, He understood what it was like to have to make up for something bad you did in the past. The cab driver walked up to the home of the alligator and knocked on the door. She heard some shuffling inside so she knew that he was there. The alligator opened the door and instantly recognized her. He was not very happy to see her and he asked her what she wanted. She told him that she wanted to apologize for what she had done. She knew that he did not want to go to sleep and she just kept on trying to make him go to sleep. He said that it was ok. He has not slept for a very long time now and he was very tired. He was wondering if she could help him go to sleep. Instantly she said yes because she would have done anything for him. She massaged his back a little bit and BAM! He was asleep like a little baby alligator would be. She left and the alligator ended up getting a full night sleep that kept him rested for the next couple of years.
On the way back the cab driver was feeling like there was a weight lifted off of her back. She was so happy that she could help the alligator and she was very happy that the alligator forgave her. Both the cab driver and Gilgamesh then went to a diner for some dinner. This diner was not a normal diner though. This diner was an acrobat diner! There were people doing acrobatics all over the place. People were swinging from the ceiling, people were walking on their hands, and people were riding unicycles. Gilgamesh was very scared of all of the commotion and he was very confused. He had no idea why people would be walking on their hands. He asked one of the people why they liked to walk on their hands and they responded that this how they were born. Gilgamesh realized that they would probably like the Crazy House a lot! He told them all about the Crazy House, he told them how everybody there is really crazy. The acrobats were not very interested in the Crazy House. The acrobats told him that they did not think that what they did was crazy, it was just acrobatic. Gilgamesh understood and he told them that he really liked their acrobats. He told them about the dance competition that he was going to. He thought that the acrobats would be a really good addition to his dance routine. Gilgamesh asked if they would like to join him in the competition. The acrobats like to spread the word about acrobatics as much as they can so they instantly agreed to go on the dance competition with him. The cab driver was happy to have some more people along for the ride. The main reason that the cab driver got into the business of cab driving was so that she could talk to as many people as possible. The cab driver just liked to get to know people. So they all piled into the car and they started off to New York again. They drove hours and hours across various landscapes. The people in the cab started to get a little bit bored. So they started to play some car games. They played pin the tail on the Gilgamesh and they also sang a bunch of songs. Most of the songs were acrobatic songs; Gilgamesh did not know very many acrobatic songs so he just sang random words. The whole cab enjoyed the tune-skees but they were getting hungry again so they decided to stop at a delicious strawberry farm and pick some strawberries. The acrobats would pick the strawberries with their toes while they were walking on their hands and Gilgamesh was so strong that he would inhale and the strawberries would just go straight into his mouth.
The cab driver would just pick the strawberries normally. One of the acrobats had never had a straw berry before and when he tried it he instantly blew up like a balloon and started to float away! All of the acrobats started panicking and jumping to try to grab the inflated acrobat! They could not reach him so they all started to make a human tower but that did not even reach him. Then Gilgamesh got the great idea to inhale like he did the strawberries. Gilgamesh inhaled as hard as he could and the inflated acrobat shot right into Gilgamesh's belly. All of the other acrobats gasped be Gilgamesh just ate their friend! Then all of sudden Gilgamesh started to blow up like a balloon because he was allergic to acrobat! This time though the acrobats were ready. They jumped up just in time to grab Gilgamesh's toe and pull him back down. Gilgamesh landed on the ground with a loud thump which forced the inflated acrobat out of Gilgamesh. The Inflated acrobat landed on the ground with a loud thump which pushed the strawberry right out of the now deflated acrobat. The strawberry landed on the ground with a loud thump and pushed a little strawberry seed out of the strawberry. The little strawberry seed landed on the ground and dove into the dirt to be planted. The now deflated acrobat gasped for air and flipped upside down back onto his hands. Everybody gathered around him asking him if he was ok. He just started to laugh really hard. Everybody around him sighed a huge sigh of relief. The now deflated acrobat said that he just had so much fun and he wants to do it again! They were now running a little short on time so they had to tell him that he will be able to do it again on the way home. The now deflated acrobat said that was fine and they all piled back into the car. They drove for a while longer and then they started to get pretty excited because they could see the city of New York City! But the Dance competition was in upper New York so they got less excited when they found that out. They finally arrived in the town that they were headed and they were really surprised. It was a ghost town! The place was going crazy with noise because all of the people that were still alive were running around screaming! Most of the people were getting scared to death! Once they were scared to death they were turned into ghosts. A ghost tried to come up and scare Gilgamesh's dance team but the ghost was unsuccessful. Once the ghost figured out that these people were not scaredy cats she started up a conversation with them asking them why they decided to come to this ghost town.
They told her that they were here for the dance competition. She was really excited because normally they did have living people participate in the dance competition. She said that the judges are ghosts and it is really hard for living people to win because the judges judge for ghost dancing. The ghost took them to the dance hall where the competition was going to be taking place. They got their own dressing room where they all got to get ready for the big competition. They were all pretty nervous because they thought that it was going to be a live human competition not a ghost competition! The acrobats were practicing jumping all around the place and Gilgamesh was just in the corner stretching. Gilgamesh was starting to get pretty nervous because this was his first dance competition and he was still pretty new to dancing. One of the acrobats came over and asked Gilgamesh what was wrong. Gilgamesh told her that he was just getting nervous and he did not know if they were going to be able to perform well. She said that it did not matter; they were just here to have fun. This made Gilgamesh feel better because nobody was really counting on him to win the Dance Competition. A ghost came through the wall and told everybody that they were going to go on in five minutes. Gilgamesh and the acrobats all rushed back stage so that they could start waiting for their turn to dance! The cab driver was already out in the crowd waiting for them. Then a ghost came onto a loud speaker and announced that the next team that would be going on will be the Gilgamesh dance team. The crowd started to clap politely. Then the lights dimmed low and Gilgamesh and his team of acrobats ran onto stage. Then a flash! Music started playing and Gilgamesh was dancing all about and the acrobats were acrobatting all about! The crowd was amazed! They were so amazed that they all came back to life! The crowd gave a standing ovation and Gilgamesh felt so happy! The judges gave Gilgamesh and his team all 11s. They were so happy that they made everyone so happy and that everyone came back to life! Then Gilgamesh and the acrobats went back to the dressing room where the cab driver was waiting. The cab driver was amazed with their performance and gave them all hugs! Once they talked to a couple of the people that they brought back to life they decided it was time to head home. The Acrobats asked the cab driver if they could be dropped off an acrobat house in Connecticut.
The cab driver did not mind. They all piled in the car and started to head off towards Connecticut. Gilgamesh was so happy about the dance competition that he freaked his head off! It landed right into his lap! He looked up at his headless body and he just started to crack up! He had never seen a headless person before and he thought it was pretty funny looking. He started to play around with his head. He would stick his head out the window and he would spin his head all around and he would throw it back and forth to the acrobats. The acrobats just thought Gilgamesh looked weird with his head freaked off and they did not really like to touch it. The acrobats told Gilgamesh that he should probably put his head back onto his shoulders because they did not think it was very healthy for someone to have their head freaked all the way off. Gilgamesh liked having his head freaked all the way off. So when they dropped off the acrobats he just freaked his head off again and started to play with it. He then fell asleep with his head in his own lap and he slept for the rest of the ride home. The cab driver did not mind driving in silence. Once they got back to the Crazy House Gilgamesh put his head back on and thanked the cab driver for all she had done for him. He also paid her the money that he owed her. As soon as he entered into the Crazy House everybody jumped out and yelled Happy Birthday! It was not his birthday but they were just celebrating him winning the dance competition. Everybody was extremely happy that he won the competition and that he brought so many people back to life! At the Crazy House's celebrations there is normally a lot of different drinks and food. You will see some of the craziest things at these celebrations such as moon juice, watermelon pie, astronaut pie, and many others.
All of the people in the Crazy House like this food a lot. Gilgamesh met one particular being at the Crazy House whom he liked very much. Gilgamesh really liked the goat. The goat had been helping out the Crazy House a lot lately so the goat decided to give Gilgamesh a tour of what has changed on the Crazy House. They first thing that was changed was that they built a huge underground fortress for people to go and hang out. It was nice and cool and damp in the underground fortress so it was very good for your skin. There was a beauty spa down there so the goat and Gilgamesh decided to go and get beautified. Gilgamesh and the goat had a couple different options that they could do. One was the zero gravity face spin, the second was the tea and mango foot massage, the last was one of the craziest and it was called the unnamed healer. They decided to go with the unnamed healer because of course it was the craziest and they liked to be crazy! They both were led into a dark room where they were told to lay down on a bed with a hole for their face. They both were lying next to each other. Then all of a sudden the roof started to open and a bunch of cotton candy fell down onto their backs! There were these weird puffball animals that also fell down and started to eat the cotton candy. The animals had little suction cups on the bottom of their bodies and they had tongues on the bottom of their bodies. Both Gilgamesh and the goat were both being licked and licked and they were laughing so hard! They both thought that these animals were really funny and it felt really funny to have cotton candy be licked off of their bodies. Then the next stage was when a bunch of rubber band s fell from the roof. Then a rubber band ball was made with Gilgamesh and the goat inside of it! They were bounced all around the place and it gave them very good blood flow. The next treatment was probably the craziest! They switched bodies and they had to live a whole day in the other person's body. Apparently this was not just a way to rejuvenate your body but it was also a way to rejuvenate your mind and give you a new perspective on life! The goat instantly became a pretty tall human and Gilgamesh instantly became a fairly short goat. Both the goat and Gilgamesh just did not know what to do with them.
They were required to come back in twenty-four hours so that they could be switched back. It took both Gilgamesh and the goat a little bit of time to get used to just walking. They had no idea how they were going to live in each other's body for a whole day! They both stumbled out of the room and they started to walk down the hall. People were looking at them funny because they were stumbling around. Some of the people said hi to Gilgamesh and Gilgamesh responded in the goat's body! The people were very confused but they just kept on walking. They were both pretty hungry after that spa session so they decided to get some food. This is going to be a very interesting activity for both of them. When they got to the table where they eat Gilgamesh in the goat's body tried to sit at the chair but quickly found out that he was unable to sit upright. The goat in Gilgamesh's body tried sitting down but felt that it was very awkward to be looking at the person across from you and not the plate like the goat was used to. Once the food appeared on their plates Gilgamesh in the goat's body tried to eat with his hoofs but that did not work because he did not have fingers! The goat just stuck his face into the food and started to eat. Everyone was looking at the goat in Gilgamesh's body, they would not think anything of a goat eating like that but they thought that a human doing this was very strange, even for the Crazy House. They both fumbled through dinner and did not get to eat very much because it was so hard for them to put food in their own mouths. They decided that it would be best if the just went to bed so that they could get closer to the next day. Gilgamesh in the goat's body had to go sleep in the goat's bed and the goat in Gilgamesh's body had to sleep in Gilgamesh's bed. They were finally getting used to walking. Once they got to each other's beds they tried very hard to sleep. Gilgamesh in the goat's body did not like the goat's bed because it was made out of straw and it was very itchy. He also did not like that he sunk down into the bed. The goat in Gilgamesh's body did not like Gilgamesh's bed because it was way too hard! The bed felt like it was made stone!!! The bed was not made of stone; it was just made of very hard rock. Once the sun started to rise both of them got up and they both tried to take a shower.