SPREAD SOME LOVE
RELATIONSHIPS 101
JOHN A. ANDREWS
Author of
Spread SOME LOVE (relationships 101) workbook
The 5 Steps To Changing Your Life
&
When The Dust Settles
Copyright © 2008 by John A. Andrews.
All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the publisher to use or reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles.
Published in the U.S.A. by
Books That Will Enhance Your Life™
P.O. Box 56298
Sherman Oaks, Ca 91413
Scripture quotations marked (NIV)
are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®.
Copyright© 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.
Used by permission of Zondervan.
All rights reserved.
Some scripture quotations are taken
from the New King James Version.
Copyright © 1982
by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
Used by permission.
All rights reserved.
ISBN:
978-0-615-20297-6
Cover Design: John A. Andrews
Cover Photo: Adrian Carr
Edited by: Nneka
This book is dedicated to the woman:
Who, taught me about love;
Instilled true values in me;
Encouraged, guided and lifted me;
The one who gave me life,
A leader and lover of many…
My mother, a true legend,
Elaine Louisa Andrews
Contents
Introduction ………………..vii
The Love Factor…………........1
The Priority Factor…………...22
3. The Commitment Factor……..33
4. The Respect Factor…………...45
5. The Affirmation Factor……….52
6. The Communication Factor…..62
7. The Loyalty Factor…………...68
8. The Humility Factor………….75
9. The Youthfulness Factor……..80
10. The Romance Factor……........84
The Philosophy of the Serve…92
Notes……………………......103
If
a person isn’t willing to work on him or herself they should stay out of the falling in love business; the world is full of too many abandoned relationships and broken hearts.
John A. Andrews
Introduction
Alan Loy McGuinnis states in his book The Friendship Factor “The best relationships are built up, like a fine lacquer finish, with the accumulated layers of many acts of kindness.”1 A love weaved with many strands tend to be stronger than the one done with a few strands. Love in action moves people versus a love that is sitting on the fence.
People go to extremes just to find love. If you were to watch a house plant as it grows you’ll notice that it will always tend to grow towards the sunlight. If you manually changed its course - as time goes by it would gradually move back towards the sunlight. So is it with love. Love seeks illumination; it wants to be kept alive, it wants to flourish.
A young couple, madly in love but lacking the “green thumb” effect, told me about a situation with one of their house plants. The plant was put outside after being housebound for several years. They claimed that in less than a few days an enormous flower bloomed from the once seemed barren plant.
The plant produced when exposed to the light.
Love is life. It gives life to darkness, transforming while it enhances.
The new you will emerge like the stream or conduit of ever-flowing love when you decide to change. Firstly
deciding to love yourself: by finding value in yourself, and secondly giving love away - placing value in others. This is classified as a double win; you win by helping others win.
Some of the principles shared herein may sound as if they are an “Old School” philosophy. The “New School” could say: “this doesn’t apply in today’s society.” Well, the fact remains that if years ago you were to literally jump off the top of a tall building - that would have been very, very, very tragic. So, why would you even consider entertaining the thought that if you were to try that feat today that a net would spring out of nowhere and catch you?
My desire for this volume is that you would treat it as a smorgasbord – use what you need. Methods change but principles last – they are forever. More than 60% of my relations are from the “New Fraternity” and I’ve noticed how “those acquaintances” struggle keeping their relationships intact without the imple-mentation of these values.
This is not just another book on friendship, love, marriage and sex. Neither do the philosophies presented herein represent new methods, but principles – dominant since the beginning of time. They contain ethics missing in every failed marriage and every unhealthy relationship where applicable. Even if the principles may upset some of today’s popular habits, there is one advantage: They work! As a divorcee, dad, entrepreneur and life coach, it’s not just that I believe so but I know they do.
Several ingredients go into the baking of a cake. This book, written for the millions of people who would like to master love, find the lover they desire or grow together with the one they have, contains principles to keep love alive. Take away one principle and love sits on the fence. Could you imagine if you were to omit an important ingredient such as the baking soda from the cake’s recipe? What kind of cake would you have?
If you are married, planning on doing so or desire to coach on marriage, all of these philosophies should go into the recipe. On the other hand, if you want to just live a life of love that is always flowing and growing, the icing and the sprinkles may be too sweet for you, but you can still enjoy the rest of this volume.
If you are a man looking for true love, your preparation is paramount. You want to be ready when that opportunity presents itself. And if you are a woman looking for that Mr. Right, no longer will you claim “a good man is hard to find” you will recognize if he is a catch or a throwback.
-- John A. Andrews
“Love
is, without question, life’s greatest experience”1
-Napoleon Hill
ONE
THE LOVE FACTOR
What really is Love? What’s this all powerful emotion which makes one give up his crown for the one he loves? In his book Think and Grow Rich Napoleon Hill introduces us to Mrs. Wallis Simpson who caused the king to relinquish his crown for her love. Wallis possessed a burning desire to find a mate and searched carefully every step of the way. Her primary pursuit was love. She knew exactly what she wanted, not after she met the Prince of Wales, but long before. Despite her failure to find it twice she had courage enough to continue. Though shadowed by her obscurity, Wallis triumphed over long odds until she finally met the king.2
Love will cause one to go to other limits as in the case of Romeo and Juliet, according to Shakespeare. Love is by far the most powerful force on earth. “For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure hardships. Without love, mount-ains become unclimbable, seas uncrossable, deserts unbearable, and hardships our plight in life.”3 States Dr. Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages.
The best definition to this all powerful force is summed up in the bible (1 Cor.13:4-8 KJV), “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.”
The famous Vince Lombardi, late coach of the Green Bay Packers echoed: “Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all time thing. You don't win once in a while, you don't do things right once in a while, you do them right all the time. Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.”4 As a player Lombardi demanded the best from himself. With such a relational quality, no wonder he was one of the best coaches in the game of football, gaining respect not only from his peers but by players alike.
Loving is synonymous with winning, hating is not. Caring is not a once in a while thing but a forever endeavor. To love and be loved demands your best. In these pages you will find yourself, the “new self” you never knew existed. When you do, like to an oasis in a desert you will lead others to drink and they too will return and bring others; quenching the thirst of multitudes of love thirsty individuals.
When love like a fire is ablaze in one’s heart and soul, it spreads, engulfing the possessor and recipient in flames of brilliance.
So many false pretenders or people possessing hypocritical love treat love like a light switch, they turn this valuable asset on and off only to find themselves falling short, realizing that love is not flowing. If it is not flowing it is dying, and like the stream without its source, one cannot give something which he does not first possess.
We all know that a stream is unable to deliver to the ocean if its supply is aborted by a deficiency such as a drought or a dam. Cure the drought of love and it flows, release the dam and it gushes out. I like looking at a cloudless sky but also like to see the clouds so full that they cannot contain anymore rain. Those clouds cannot provide rain if they are empty and the more laden they are the more showers they deposit. As my mom used to say “some-thing can’t come from nothing.”
What the world needs today is a divine love – one so high and so deep that would withstand the tests of time. This love starts with you, right where you are; for in order to love someone else it’s imperative that you first love yourself.
Love styles
In today’s society love is usually viewed from several different approaches or Love Styles.
“Love styles are models of lovers developed by John Lee (1973, 1988). He identified six basic theories – also known as “colors” of love – that people use in their interpersonal relationships:
Eros – a passionate physical and
emotional love based on aesthetic
enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love.
Ludus – a love that is played as a game
or sport; conquest
Storge – an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on
similarity
Pragma – love that is driven by head, not
the heart, undemonstrative
Mania – highly volatile love; obsession;
Fueled by low self esteem
Agape – selfless altruistic love; spiritual;
Motherly love
Clyde Hendrick and Susan Hendrick of Texas Tech University have conducted extensive research on the love styles since the mid-1980s. They have found that men tend to be more ludic, whereas women tend to be storgic and pragmatic. Mania is often the first love style teenagers display. Relationships based on similar love styles were found to last longer. People often look for people with the same love style as themselves for a relationship.”5
Regardless of your love styles, what you love and how you love defines you.
Love by example
All too familiar is this statement: “In order to be a friend; you must first become friendly.” Jesus commands: “A new commandment I give you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this all men shall know that you are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” (John 13:34-35 KJV) The people who create long lasting meaningful friendships with others understand that love lives on long after they’re gone and therefore they’re not afraid to invest in meaningful associations. They understand that now is all the time they have. There is no time for hatred or false pretense. So they give 150% to their relationships.
False pretense
Mr. Z, grew up with a gold spoon in his mouth. His parent’s inheritance was an ever flowing source. He had been married for several years to the woman he referred to as his trophy wife. She’s a smart and talented woman, who loves her 4 kids all under the age of 10. His kids attend the best schools, and yet, they are rude and ill-mannered. His offspring adopt the “monkey see monkey do” philosophy, and bear fruits after his kind, he, knowing or unknowingly is harvesting a generation of future “play-haters” or “hypo-critical lovers.”
I first met the family over 5 years ago when I was brought on to be their chauffeur. They had just about everything that money can buy and travels frequently enjoying their “lifestyle.” Yet they were miserable. Their marriage had gradually turned into a disaster.
I noticed that on some of those trips with Mr. Z, that he was having affairs. He knew that I despised it, but I felt trapped. It was not long before love in his home started to wane. Depression stepped in intensified by his wife’s bitterness. They yelled and screamed at each other frequently. Their kids felt dishonored and escalated their rebellion. Disrespect in the home grew to an all time high. Not wanting to continue as an abettor I recently gave up that job to someone else.
Their relationship has eventually cascaded into a huge breakup for the courts to decide how their kids are to be raised, among other things. It is unfortunate but so many kids are thrown into these unwarranted parental conflicts.
First love
This book will be incomplete if it didn’t feature the character Mr. X, whose mom played a major role in his life by teaching him love in action.
As a kid, he had the opportunity of seeing this special quality exhibited seven out of seven. Although the words “I love you” were seldom heard from his parents lips, his mom always let her action do the talking. Despite being a victim of poor education, and being responsible for a house filled with nine kids, she became known as a legend in her community because she not only cared but cared deeply.
She wasted not a single moment working endlessly and tirelessly by day, and nightly encouraging all nine around a kerosene lamp (back then they didn’t have electricity). She wanted all her kids to be endowed, in their chosen calling with opportunities which she never had. With smoke in their eyes they burned the midnight oil in their effort to excel. When their dad passed on in 1967, a financial reverse began, she fought through it and with some of her meager resources saw Mr. X through most of high school.
Despite not having riches, but only just enough, along with a busy lifestyle, she found time to open her door to a stranger, neighbor or friend – providing them with a warm meal while she articulated about God’s unfailing love. She cared for the sick, and the needy, shared groceries with them and most of all communicated her faith in God. Mr. X witnessed many lives changed; because his mom gave unselfishly. Although they didn’t have all the gadgets as other kids did back then, she taught them how to share whatever little they had.
Her multiple battles with Alzheimer’s disease for almost two decades ended in 2005. How-ever, her undying love lives on today and will for many generations due to her enormous love deposits into the lives of others.
Although Mr. X grew up poverty stricken and went to school at times without shoes on his feet, he studied and worked hard. During his adult years he read just about every personal development book he could get his hands on. While others were taking time off, he hustled and thus outworked everyone he encountered, taking their excuses away. Driven to succeed in whatever he does Mr. X sees value in the beggar, the downtrodden as well as the President. He knows how to befriend them. No wonder his winning ways create for him a successful environment anywhere he goes. Not only do people look to him to remold their lives and character but they know that they can count on him during crunch time.
A friend in need
Genuine friendship is at the root of all long lasting relationships. Have you ever noticed that whenever you are in need that real friends step up to the plate without being summoned? In my book The 5 Steps To Changing Your Life, I introduced the readers to my friend who is a movie producer, let’s call him Mr. Y. He and I connected through our sons, and our friend-ship is speedily entering a full decade; he is like a friend and a brother. I have seen him get back on the horse and ride with passion and purpose after his divorce - to a life of respect and affluence.
Mr. Y and I do not talk everyday yet whenever he has an event, whether celebratory or other-wise I am always in attendance. It just seems to work out that way and through the years of our deep rooted friendship, his generosity to me has been a flowing stream.
Mr. Y. almost
missed his flight
One day I was driving Mr. Y to LAX airport, he was flying out to a business meeting on the East Coast. As our limo pulled up close to the departure terminal I glanced into the rearview mirror and saw flashing lights from a trailing police cruiser. I pulled over to the curb. The investigating officer, after probing, searched the vehicle and subsequently called in airport authorities as backup. Mr. Y stood waiting in close proximity. I glanced in his direction and said “I’ll be okay go ahead and catch your flight.” He responded “I’m okay” waiting; he wanted to make sure that everything was handled satisfactorily.
The airport authorities arrived and could not find anything to cite me for. Therefore I was granted permission to leave. Mr. Y said his goodbyes and headed inside the terminal. His multi-millionaire status did not matter; he had been prepared to miss his flight if he had to, for his friend - me.
On another occasion Mr. Y. overheard me talking about my sons, now living on the East Coast, claiming how much they have missed me. He immediately stepped in, stating “John, you need to go and see your kids buddy” Knowing that they lived about 2,500 miles from Los Angeles, he offered to pick up the tab. I tried talking him out of it but he insisted that I find out the cost of the trip and pick up a check at his office the following day. I still had some reservation. The next day he called to find out what time I was dropping by. He wrote a check for my airfare, hotel accommodation and a rental car. That following week I spent seven days as a “full time dad” with my three sons. A week permanently etched in the recesses of my memory.
On the Saturday of my trip, it rained non stop. I mean, rain pelting down rain, the rain drops united with the glass window pane for a drum playing musical interlude. Nevertheless we braved the element, adventurously jumped inside the car and almost sailed to the pizzeria, grabbed two pies, returned to the hotel and watched four hours of all the new Disney episodics. During the pop corn break I discovered that the two eldest boys were writing a Disney–type screenplay. I became excitingly teary-eyed and during that emotion-al deluge I enthusiastically installed a writing software program on their laptop before going to bed that night.
The following morning I was awakened by bright lights accompanied by my boys enthusiastic chattering. I glanced in their direction; they were comedic as ever - filled with laughter. I was able to mask my laughter and asked “Why are you guys up so early?” They echoed “writing, writing our screenplay, what else daddy?” they were trying out the newly installed software program. That event brought tears to my eyes in what was a golden week in my life. Thanks to my friend Mr. Y. To him I’ll be forever grateful.
Friendship in action
I have experienced similar situations with some of my other friends as well. When I resided in New York City back in the 80s, I bonded with a business associate, T.W. Those were the years before the beginning of my acting career, when I struggled with odd jobs and earned very little money - less than enough to get by. Through those tough times T.W. knew that if he ever needed a favor he could call on me; he knew I’d deliver and that standing in the gap for me was automatic.
During the summer of 2006, I was sitting in my Los Angeles apartment during the gas hike, my phone rang and it was T.W., we hadn’t spoken in almost six months. He told me that he had run into some extra cash and wanted to send something my way. I tried not to admit my need of it, but it made him happy so I accepted his offer. My stops at the gas pump resulted in fill ups rather than a quarter of a tank for the next several months.
Intuition in friendship
My Jamaican friend W.B. is an amateur boxer and a physical fitness trainer. Our relationship goes back almost a decade. We first met while acting in a music video in Hollywood. I’ve noticed that he responds intuitively with a phone call to find out how I’m doing anytime someone jerks my chain. His intuition plays a major role in our friendship.
Henrik, a Swedish writer/producer not only gave me the starring role in one of his short films when he studied at AFI during my early days in Hollywood, but opened his doors to me when I became homeless after my divorce in 2000. Despite my many strike outs, he trusts my mentorship and his unfailing friendship lasts through the years.
My point is do good friends show up when you desperately need help? You bet! God, showed up in the fiery furnace with the three Hebrew boys, in the lions’ den with Daniel, with the children of Israel crossing the red sea and today, he still shows up for you and me. His amazing, abundant, unconditional love is inexhaustible.
The golden rule in friendships
The golden rule in any relationship is: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” (Luke 6:31 NIV) “If ye fulfil the royal law according to the scripture, Thou shalt love the neighbor as thyself, ye do well.” (James 2:8 KJV) But first let’s deal with loving you; for it’s impossible to have love for someone else if you do not…for yourself.
Know yourself
There is truth in this maxim: “To know me is to love me.” –Unknown. Who are you, based on the experiences you’ve had in your past? Who are you when no one is watching? Who are you going to be in the future? If you find yourself in the deficit, ask yourself the question: “Am I willing to work on myself more than I do on the task with which I’m entrusted?”
Students study in order to maintain good grades. Pastors keep studying if they want to remain on the pulpit. Doctors and lawyers are known to study for almost a decade and beyond. No one wants an uneducated doctor to execute their heart transplant or an unskilled attorney to represent them in court. Yet, so many resist relational education and jump into “loving” relationships including marriage and expect the process of osmosis to build that relationship for them. They fail to continually equip themselves, not realizing that the largest room in our world today is the room for improvement and all that they can become beckons at them. Abraham Lincoln said: "Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe."6
Once you know yourself it becomes a lot easier to see YOU in someone else, and creating that bond becomes a lot easier.
Love begins, or should begin at home. However, in most cases it does not; based on what is taught in that environment. In a normal situation love flows from the heart like a bonfire, setting another’s heart on fire and when that blaze is concentrated it becomes difficult to contain love’s flame.
Throughout my life I have encountered some great friends along with many “wannabe friends”, the latter, because of their false pretense, weeded themselves out of my life when the going got tough. They lost that love which should have survived the tests of time. Give me five all weather friends and I’ll create an army behind them – this is a vision which I cherish in every fiber of my being. A person’s five closest friends say a lot about them and where they are heading whether uphill or downhill.
If you grasp this fact that loving starts with you, the way you love will have merit. It will be a higher and by all means – a deeper love. Even if you have come from a broken home, an abused relationship, poverty, communism, or atheism you can start right now with a clean slate and bring an abundance of love into your life and the lives of others.
Sacrificial love
What price are you willing to pay for those you love? So much that you will want to stand in the gap to protect those you genuinely care for. Permit me to rephrase. When it truly comes down to it, what price are you willing to pay for those you truly love? Is your love a sacrificial one?
A woman weighing only 95 pounds will attempt to lift up an eighteen wheeler if her little child was stuck under it.
Martin Luther King Jr. said “If a man hasn’t discovered something he’ll die for, he isn’t fit to live.”7
“Born in Atlanta, Georgia, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., graduated from Morehouse College (B.A., 1948), Crozer Theological Seminary (B.D., 1951), and Boston University (Ph.D., 1955). The son of the pastor of the Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, King was ordained in 1947 and became (1954) minister of a Baptist church in Montgomery, Alabama. He led the black boycott (1955-56) of segregated city bus lines and in 1956 gained a major victory and prestige as a civil-rights leader when Montgomery buses began to operate on a desegregated basis. King organized the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC), which gave him a base to pursue further civil-rights activities, first in the South and later nationwide.
His philosophy of nonviolent resistance led to his arrest on numerous occasions in the 1950s and 60s. His campaigns had mixed success, but the protest he led in Birmingham, Alabama, in 1963 brought him worldwide attention. He spearheaded the August 1963, March on Washington, which brought together more than 200,000 people. In 1964 he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. King's leadership in the civil-rights movement was challenged in the mid-1960s as others grew more militant. His interests, however, widened from civil rights to include criticism of the Vietnam War and a deeper concern over poverty. His plans for a Poor People's March to Washington were interrupted (1968) for a trip to Memphis, Tennessee, in support of striking sanitation workers.
On April 4, 1968, he was shot and killed as he stood on the balcony of the Lorraine Motel (since 1991 a civil-rights museum).8
Because of Dr. King’s sacrificial love for his “cause” today black kids and white kids not only hold hands together, but Blacks and Whites are able to unite on several different agendas.
Love transforms
Some ask for more love but never release that which they have. It’s like the stream drawing from the source but surrenders only to the dam.
John 3:16 (KJV) states, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
God is love. He’s the source which keeps giving to the stream continually. The people who think and do evil are like dead streams which misuse the source and therefore their freedom to love.
Love supports ones hopes and dreams and is never too tired to pass a compliment or do a good deed.
Love is like the sun which melts the iceberg of sin and mediocrity, molding and supporting our world.
Love is patient, strong and lasts forever.
Love is going the second mile. It does not judge; it forgives, building bridges between nations and failed relationships.
Love heals. It makes the flowers grow, and colors our world.
Love is passion, its desire, its creativity, its being and its doing. Love prospers, it elevates, it renovates and it electrifies.
Love builds up, it doesn’t tear down.
Love brings light to darkness; it reaches through, sees through and follows through.
Love draws you closer to God. The higher and deeper your love, the higher and deeper is your relationship with God.
Love is patient however; it does not sit on the fence.
Love is never fragmented; it’s an inseparable whole which does not delight in bits and pieces.
Love works because God is LOVE and always will be.
Your worst enemy
By not loving yourself you’re destined to be your own worst enemy and thereby fail to discover what a wonderful person you are or could become.
Loving YOU starts with your self-confidence: that deep down feeling inside of you that lets you know that you have value. It is not an arrogant feeling but rather a combination of self-appreciation, self-respect and self-worth. When those qualities are discovered, you become self-forgiving and the new you emerge like a flower in springtime.
Loving yourself will take some self-discovery, self-development, self-discipline and some self-dedication. Are you willing to put in the work in order to reap the results?
In his book Self-Love author and preacher Robert H. Schuller lists Ten Steps to a Strong Self-Love:
Get rid of your fear of failure.
Discover that unique person
called you.
Compliment yourself.
Forgive yourself.
Improve yourself.
Accept yourself.
Commit yourself to a great cause.
Believe in success.
Strive for excellence.
Build self-love in others.9
Once you have diagnosed the symptom and treated the disease you’re on your way to total recovery - a winning character.
Create a winning character
How do you earn this all important stripe on your lapel? “You can get everything in life you want if you just help enough other people get what they want.”10 – Zig Ziglar.
In order to help someone get what they want you have to first listen to their needs. And that takes listening not only with the ear but with the heart. This is a skill which requires patience, understanding and wisdom. In some marriages wives complain a lot saying “my husband never listens to me.” Whenever this happens it’s a clear indication that the two hearts are not in sync and therefore her words enter his ears but not his mind, heart and soul. The fire in their hearts for each other has been extinguished through the years. Most of the time what she is saying is: “pay me some attention even if what I’m saying doesn’t make any sense.” Women, unlike most men tend to say anything to ignite a conversation.
People will respond positively to you when their needs are being met. Everyone wants to be appreciated, accepted and affirmed. With-out these three ingredients in your relation-ships, you’re pouring water into a basket.
Love the new you
Only you can decide the direction of your life, by what you love and how you love. 1 John 4:28 says “God is Love.” Love attracts, it has substance, it’s real, it’s a feeling, it illuminates, it conquers, it grows, and it can set the world on fire. With the acquiring of this universal quality you would realize that you were made to love.
No longer will your life be lived as unloved, but you have so much love you can not wait to give it away. And the measure you give is the measure you’ll receive. You can never out-give your source. You will have no problem applying love in every area of your life. You will be loved because you are a loving person - your transformation has occurred.
FORGET-ME-NOTS
You can never out-give your source.
Only you can decide the direction of your life, by what you love and how you love.
Everyone wants to be appreciated, accepted and affirmed.
People will respond positively to you when their needs are being met.
Loving YOU start with your self-confidence: that deep down feeling inside of you that lets you know that you have value.
A person’s five closest friends say a lot about them and where they are heading whether uphill or downhill.
Love begins, or should begin at home.
Genuine friendship is at the root of all long lasting relationships.
Love will cause one to go to other limits as in the case of Romeo and Juliet, according to Shakespeare.
TWO
The Priority Factor
Many people miss out on one of the surest ways to add major blessings to their life. They either do not know about it or fail to embrace the concept. "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33 KJV) How can you miss?
I love music, especially the sound of a great orchestra. It lifts my spirit and puts me in another world. Music is sometimes classified as the “food of love” because it has the tendency to soothe the heart and soul and connects people universally. You will find however, that in order for an orchestra to produce great music, all of its instruments need to perform in harmony or in other words they need to be in alignment or in concert with each other. Then what you hear is so in sync, it lifts your spirit, your heart and soul as it does mine.
As human beings, our life gets out of balance when our priorities are out of whack. Just like a swerving car in need of a wheel alignment. Relief returns when we get back in sync. In order to keep spreading love it’s important that you align yourself properly; you cannot distribute effectively if you’re not plugged in to the source.
Priority # 1
God wants firsts: first love, first thoughts, first words, first fruits and first offerings. He says “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments” (Ex. 20:4-6 KJV) That means he’s not interested in playing second fiddle. He owns everything; he’s in control. Pretty serious, don’t you think?
I’m always amazed whenever I hear stories of people who give most of their income to God’s cause and live off the balance. That to me is love on a higher level.
Some are known to give upwards of 90% annually. “Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.” (Malachi 3:10 KJV) The tithe is only one tenth, yet they’re comfortable giving above and beyond.
Robert G. LeTournea, met his wife when she was twelve and he was in his twenties. She fell in love instantly and began to pray "Oh God, please have him wait for me." He did. Life grew tough for the young couple; at 30 he was unemployed, had a family to support and $5,000 in debt. At times they lacked basic necessities including the absence of running water for several years. In 1919, after the death of their first son, they were forced to prioritize their life by committing themselves to God and began to tithe.
By 1920 LeTournea opened his first garage. The year of the stock market crash he formed his Peoria earth-moving business. Despite the times, he succeeded.
He soon became the greatest obstacle-mover in history, building huge earth-moving machines. During World War II he produced 70% of all the army's earth-moving machinery. God was known as the Chairman of his Board. A lay pastor in the Christian and Missionary Alliance, Robert shared his faith with millions during his life. Additionally he started two agricultural missions in Liberia and established the LeTourneau foundation to channel 90% of his personal salary to Christian endeavors, especially the training of Christian workers in practical skills (such as house-building) which are needed on mission fields. In 1932 he formed a partnership with God and resolved to pledge all his future profits and much of his energy to religion.
"The more time I spent in serving God," he once said, "the more business grew . . . Amen, Brother."1 And when asked about his views on money he said “I put my own confidence in God. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know Who holds the future. If he wants you to make money to serve His purposes, you’ll make it. If he doesn’t want you to have money, he’ll find ways to take it from you, no matter how much you have.”2
It takes a heart filled with love to give when there is very little to give. But God loves a cheerful giver and rewards us abundantly when he is honored with our first fruits.
At a very early age I witness my Mom sow into the kingdom by giving of her tithes and offerings. To her as a disciplinarian it was a prerequisite. I am glad that she did, not only was she blessed for doing so but I understood the importance of making God a priority early in life. Learning that He’s always there and ready to help no matter what I’m going through. Where others see an adversity, they are so wrong for it always turns out as a blessing in disguise. God has a way of breaking man made rules to bless us.