DELICIOUS SEX
Gael Greene
With illustrations by Dave Calver
A Book for Women…
and the Men Who Want
to Love them Better
Dedicated With Love
To all the Wonderful Men
Who Taught Me Everything I know
About Sex.
***
My special thanks to Dr. Mathilde Krim, Dr. David Ostrow, Dr. Martin Schecter, Dr. Niels Lauersen, Eileen Grigg, Jamie Gillis, my editor Phil Pochoda, Don Congdon, who championed this celebration of sex and Mildred Newman, for her wisdom and insight.
And to Diane Painter Velletri Chow Ciao Design for this new edition.
DELICIOUS SEX
All rights reserved.
Text copyright © 1986 by Gael Greene
Illustrations copyright © by Dave Calver
Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 86-9446.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Smashwords Edition
Table of Contents
The Philosophy of Sexual Confidence
Feeling Good in Your Bedroom – Private Places
How to Eat a Fig – The Sensuous Woman
Mapping the Female Erogenous Zones
An Exercise Primer for the Kegel Workout
You Are Your Own Best Friend - Masturbation
The Lesson of Catherine the Great
Who Wants to Play with the Aggressive Woman?
Dear Ann Landers: Hungry for Hugs, Kissing is Wonderful Too
Verbal Foreplay – Words that Sound Hot
Ford Play – Warming Up in Cars, Taxis, and Limousines
Floor Play- Love on the Dance Floor
Fjord Play – Alfresco Love and Other Amusements
A Treasure Chart to Help You Find Your G-Spot
Communication – Getting to Know You in Bed
21 Thoughtful and Amusing Things to Do with a Penis
How to Find Out What He Really Likes
He Doesn’t Like Sex – No Kidding
Let Your Fingers Do the Talking
Good Enough to Eat - Cunnilingus
Vaginal Intercourse – Is it Obsolete?
Keeping it Hot – When Love is Not Enough
The Irresistible Allure of the Grownup Woman
One Is in the Mood, the Other Isn’t
The Uses of Indifference, Resistance, and Anger
Out of the Bedroom – Do you Dare?
Sexual Exotica – Bondage, Playful S&M, Threesomes, and Other High Kinks
Listening to our poets, novelists, and songwriters, one would guess we are a culture that prizes love. And yet few of us devote nearly enough time or thought to making love. Too often sex is our last priority - after the kids are tucked in and the garbage is carried out for the night, or after an excess of margaritas has blurred our senses. That is why I have interrupted my usual work, reviewing restaurants and writing novels, to create this practical text.
Imagine. In just months, even weeks, you can discover a new level of sexuality. You will be happier in your body, sexier in your brain, more fun (and having more fun) in bed. You'll find flirting a cinch, orgasm easier, and discover new sexual territory to explore with your mate, even if the two of you have become fossilized on the edge of boredom. No matter where you stand sexually-innocent or uninhibited wanton-you will find information in this candid, explicit, and creative little book to make your love life steamier. Monogamy suddenly has a new cachet, not just out of fear of sexually transmitted disease, but from a longing for intimacy and connection. And vulnerable, sensation-bombarded humans need all the help we can get. (Please pay special attention to "Safe Sex with Strangers."
I solemnly pledge that this book will help you a little, if it does not actually help you a lot. (Guaranteed by Loids of Long Island.)
What are my credentials? I'm an amateur in the true sense of that word, a lover. I love love. I love being in love. I love making love. And I've always been just a bit naughty. From Scarlett O'Hara and Amber St. Clare and Albert Ellis I gleaned early inspiration. I've always asked slightly embarrassing questions, and tried to hear and understand the answers. After a loving marriage and a fine postmarital blossoming, I want to share the insights I have collected, a few of my own, some from woman talk and pillow talk, much from the most respected experts.
Yes, the Delicious Sex regimen is tough. It has to be, because prudery and insecurity are like cellulite-blubber that is tough to melt away. But if you are faithful to the exercises, the payoffs will be a freer woman, liking yourself, being more lovable, a master of sensuality, a candidate for sexual bliss. There is no way you cannot emerge fitter, trimmer, prettier, wittier, more amusing, more relaxed, and healthier as well as sexually more confident and content. What can you lose? Only your self-doubt and that anxious uptight feeling.
GET READY TO START TODAY.
So what if it's Thursday or Saturday. Great sex is not like a diet. You don't have to start on Monday. Tonight is ideal. Just minutes a day are all you need. Set aside some time every day. No excuses. No headaches. No backaches. Nothing should come between you and the challenge of each chapter. Start by putting a lock on the bedroom door so no one can disturb you. And once you've moved to the exercises requiring a bedmate, don't let fatigue-real or imagined-sabotage you. Share a candy bar or a brandy or a porn film on your bedside videotape recorder and see if it doesn't wake up both of you enough to do an educational workout. Nothing is more refreshing than the sleep that follows great sex. (And don't be discouraged if it takes time to connect with that special man. Once you master this, you'll be virtually irresistible.)
Even if you are ready for advanced sex techniques and exotica, start with the first chapter. Polish and refine your natural instincts and acquired skills.
Ecstasy beckons.
Go. Come.
Is This Book for You?
Long ago you achieved sexual confidence, and you almost always have great fun in bed. Is this book for you? Yes. As a skilled and gifted sexualist you will be curious to know what possible ecstasy still waits to be explored.
You suspect you don't really like sex ... or, worse, the man you live with is less-than-noticeably lusty. Do you need this book? Yes. Unless it's a hormone deficiency, or serious psychopathology, it may not be too late to discover that sex can actually be fun. And funny.
You've been to bed with your college football star and his brother, your English professor, two legendary Casanovas, and the Entenmann's delivery man, and everyone says you're "very excellent." Do you need this book? Yes. Now that you're ready to focus on quality.
“He's a darling,” the high-school sweetheart you married twenty-five years ago and you still make love 1.4 times a week, and passion is not what commitment is all about. Oh, sweetheart-this is the book for you.
Describe what you see in this inkblot. Be as relaxed and creative as you can.
1. If you saw Afghanistan being splintered by Russia surrounded by palm trees, score 10 points.
2. Are you seeing stilt walkers dancing with French-fried shrimp? Score 5 points.
3. Does it look like Brooke Shields eating a banana? Score 1 point.
4. It reminds you of the time you slipped carrying dinner to the table and fell face first into the spaghetti. Score 6 points.
5. It's definitely a graph of the gross national product of Peru. Score 9 points.
6. Two ballerinas are doing delicious things to Robert Redford. Score
0 points.
Take this Obsessional Rating Quiz, with or without your man. Check as many of the choices as apply.
I've never had sex that was as much fun as:
Watching "Miami Vice" ______
Pigging out on ice cream ______
Winning my company's incentive program ______
Cleaning my closets _____
Count 10 points for each check and add to the inkblot score. Under 10, buy this book. Over 20, you really need this book. If you score 35 or higher, steal this book if necessary.
The Philosophy of Sexual Confidence
You are about to embark on an adventure that can help you say good-bye forever to sexual anxiety and constricted ecstasy. The goal of the exercises in the Delicious Sex program is simple: sexual confidence. More than beauty, more than exotic lovemaking techniques, more than power or money, the secret of better sex is…sexual confidence -- knowing as you start to make love even with a new partner that you will probably have a wonderful time and so will he. And if for some reason you don't... it's not your fault. No matter how sexually timid you are, no matter how sexually free, you are holding in your hand collected insights that will help you discover new sexual potential. At the same time, you will learn how to unleash the sexuality in the man you love and/or the man you play with.
Where does sexual confidence come from?
Beauty does not guarantee sexual confidence. A beautiful woman may walk into a crowded room knowing that she can attract the glance, if not the attention and perhaps the pursuit, of almost any man there. And it might seem that a great body, perfect breasts, endless legs, and a cover-girl face should guarantee that same confidence in bed. Sorry. Some of the world's great beauties are repressed, minimally orgasmic, or sensually deprived, wanting to be loved for their brains and not for their beauty, tormented by self-doubt and insecurity. Ask their lovers. Ask their analysts.
Sexual confidence comes from understanding your body and feeling comfortable inside it, knowing what turns you on and how to discover what pleases your man...knowing ultimately how to achieve your own sexual joy. That confidence comes with knowing that sex is not just vaginal intercourse, but hugging and kissing, caressing and stroking, mouths whispering, teasing, nibbling, sucking, every physical intimacy and that the goal of sex is not orgasm but pleasure.
Indeed, some of the freest sexual spirits I know are far from great beauties. Not being able to compete in the Super Bowl of beauty, they may have cultivated their sexual expertise and ease as a way of getting the man and the intimacy they want. And along the way to sexual confidence, using sex to get what you want, to feel more desirable, to bolster your ego is not unusual. But one day you reach a higher level when sexy is not what you do but quite simply what you are. No artifice. No desperate motivations. No faking. It is really you.
We are all born sexy. Babies love playing with themselves. But sexual knowledge is learned, sexual expertise is collected, sexual confidence is acquired, and sexual tastes are developed over the years, just as tastes in art and music and poetry develop. It takes passionate enthusiasm. Still, in these times when casual sex is laced with peril and monogamy is embraced with renewed dedication, keeping sex hot is a challenge. I believe it's a challenge worth a Mount Everest of effort.
This is a book about feeling good in bed. It's about great sex. For many women sex is never more exhilarating as when they're with someone they love. For others the hottest moment is the first time, the instant before a single zipper unzips. This is not a book about love. It's about making love...making all the reality steamier.
The good news about sex is that it never runs out. The earlier you start, the longer it lasts. The better it is, the more you want. As Julia Child says, “ Bon appetit.”
Feeling Good in Your Skin
Sexual feeling comes from within. The brain is always in charge. And it's hard to feel good about yourself -- impossible to feel irresistibly sexy -- if you can't stand how you look. Go ahead. List your flaws. Flabby thighs. Breasts too small or too big. Blubbery knees. Freckles in all the wrong places. Pop-out tummy or pear-shaped bottom. Or no bottom at all, and hips like a young boy's. Is there any woman who is content with her body, who wouldn't change something if a genie gave her three wishes- away with the stretch marks, the crow's feet, the pudginess? Even Jane Fonda and Raquel Welch weren't happy with the state of their anatomy. That's why Jane perfected her strenuous workouts and why women everywhere have signed up to share the burn. That's why Raquel does all the dutiful, healthy routines and yoga she advocates. They both make forty look better than twenty-five.
Do whatever you can to reorganize or rehabilitate your less-than perfect face and body. Exercise? Absolutely. Stretch and strengthen. Work out every day if you can. Walk a few miles, and dance like a fool. And there's nothing wrong with plastic surgery, either, if you really need it and your expectations are realistic.
But moaning and groaning over real and imagined imperfections that cannot be corrected or that you will not work on is silly and counter-sexy, Sexual confidence means finding the way to be comfortable in your existing body, no matter how imperfect, how used, how (excuse my explicit language) aged. A heart-shaped derriere, twice as much thigh as Vogue would permit ... stop brooding about it. The wonderful truth is there are men who will love you as you are and men who will love you because you are the way you are. So you aren't the face or the body Eileen Ford is looking for. Do you know that there are men's magazines devoted to women with 3800 breasts and cheesecake featuring chubby pinups? Tastes do vary. Voluptuous or scrawny, you are somebody’s potential sex object. (And being a sex object is good in a book about sex. This is not a guide to being a bank president. For all I know, you are a bank president.)
Ideally you might prefer to lose the ten pounds that keep you from classical perfection or the twenty pounds that keep you from chic. Till then, forget about it. Forget about the cellulite. Or that your nipples go in or out or whatever it is you think they shouldn't do. Never apologize. Never call attention to the flaws that torment you. Your liking your body will help him love it more. And as you blossom sexually, he's going to be so excited by your amazing responsiveness, he will be oblivious to the specifics that you might obsess about. Stop.
Yes, do get in shape. Ten extra pounds will be infinitely more attractive if they're toned by exercise. Exercise will also give you energy, agility, and improved posture. Serious aerobics and advanced workouts not only lengthen muscles and trim inches but also help you be more versatile in bed. And more graceful. And more capable of putting yourself into the position that makes you hot. He won't have to throw you around or tug you into place when you are strong and flexible. You stretch and bounce and can meet him stroke for stroke. And you thought those pelvic tilts in aerobics class were just designed to firm your backside.
And don't get anxious if your private parts don't look precisely like the rose-petaled labia you see in Penthouse centerfolds. Look again. Each woman's vulva is different. Artists have celebrated the variations of vulva in painting and sculpture. In her book Liberating Masturbation, Betty Dodson includes her drawings of women from this perspective. Studying her pictures and looking at yourself in a mirror, you'll see ... you're just another mysteriously wonderful vulva.
If you really look much better dressed than undressed, treat yourself to exquisite underwear and beautiful nightgowns that give you the bosom lift you want and conceal what begs to be hidden. A bedroom designed to flatter you helps, too. Creams, body smoothers, pedicures, facials, all-over body silking with a loofah or salt and almond oil can't help but make you feel sexier. Of course you smell sweet, because you bathe and wash, and you know that the vagina is self-cleaning and douching can be a neurotic obsession-your clean natural musk is highly erotic. A week in a spa that combines frenzied exercise with every imaginable beauty treatment is exactly what any woman would love to launch, even a modest rehab---but if the tab for all that professional pampering is too high, you can match most of it at home with the help of a beauty book that gives recipes for yogurt and cucumber facials, milk baths, olive-oil hair conditioners, mayonnaise hand care, and cream, cream, cream.
There's something to be said for going-to-bed makeup, too. That can mean creaming evening makeup away and painting a new face-flushed and dewy. Perhaps a dab of rosy blush here and there on your body, too. A man friend of mine, much pursued by women, marveled once about the woman then in his life, who wore little or no makeup all day but did a complete theatrical paint job for bedtime. He loved it, and was touched by her efforts to play into his fantasies by constantly changing her image.
If you've done everything to enhance the anatomy you've got, or vowed to get in the days ahead, or have absorbed the message of this chapter, you are ready to relax and feel good in your skin. Here comes the morning sun. He opens his eyes. Nothing can chase that sensual glow. The body he sees is the body that gave him so much pleasure last night, the woman who responded with an intensity that never ceases to astonish and please him. That's your body, you. Of course, your sexiest negligee is draped not far away, so you can slip into it and get breakfast. Unless he insists on getting it for you.
Dress for Sexcess
What's hot and what's not in furs, shoes, handbags, gloves,
play clothes, coats, and jewelry? Certain items of clothing are
sexual cliches. Black stockings with seams, a lacy garter belt, spike
heels and ankle straps that wind or tie, lace-edged teddies, and
nightgowns slit to here and there are erotic icons. And certain garb
is so downright dowdy, even the untrained sensibility knows
instinctively that it is antierotic. The polyester muumuu, flannel
granny gowns, panty girdles, hiking shoes, Peter Pan collars.
Clearly, zippers that gap and safety-pinned anything convey a message
not likely to fuel passion.
I wish I could say beauty doesn't count. But it does. Still, there are wonderful faces that are cold as porcelain and beautiful bodies hidden in very serious dresses (great for the office or lunch with your accountant, but no erotic allure), and unmatching ragbag separates so tacky you shouldn't be caught dead in them at the Laundromat. Blatant flash isn't necessarily hot. A draped lame dress with half the bodice missing may stop traffic, but it's not nearly as sexy as a healthy unfettered body moving with subtle animal allure in cover-up bias-cut red silk. Attitude is powerful. An unfashionably plump woman in a flattering tunic and fringe, moving as if she knows she is sexy, is sexy.
There is a tantalizing perversity in dressing for sexcess. One man's turn-on is another man's ho-hum. What is sexy on you may not be sexy at all on your best friend. Almost anything will seem sexier on a really sexual woman, and nothing will elevate the thermal pow of a determinedly uptight creature. So experiment with what's classically sexy, what makes you look good and feel hot. Then refine your style once you get a sense of his special fantasies.
Vaguely sheer can be hotter than totally see-through, and full sleeves slit from shoulder to wrist that occasionally fall open can be more erotic than show-all cleavage. Play up your best features. Slits to here are great if the flash of flesh they reveal is great. Fringe is hot -- silk fringe, suede fringe, as is leather -- leather when it really fits. Going against your type can be very exciting if it isn't silly- a touch of sleaze on a very elegant woman, little-girl rompers on a statuesque grownup, siren-black satin gloves and dominatrix underwear on a perky gamine.