5 FABULOUS BUSINESS FABLES
by
A. Hamilton Augenblecq
Illustrated by J. Lyon
SMASHWORDS EDITION
Copyright 2009-2011 by A. Hamilton Augenblecq
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Fable #1 - The Tuxedo Factory (Organizational Change)
Fable #2 - Management Science (Scientific Management/Management Consulting)
Fable #3 - Ducks and Bunnies (Business Presentations)
Fable #4 - Bee School (Business School)
Fable #5 - Rocket Science (Financial Engineering)
If Football Were More Like Life . . .
INTRODUCTION (Short-Attention-Span Version)
These fables grew out of the observation that the world is more complex and contingent than can be captured in a single, simple moral at the end of a traditional fable. Or the howevermany (7? 8? 15?) factors asserted to be necessary and sufficient for success in typical business advice books.
It is dedicated to the proposition that there are only more or less useful ways of looking at the world – temporarily.
INTRODUCTION (Long-Winded Version)
NOTE: This version of the Introduction is 1,110 words long. So even though it’s kind of interesting and sheds some more light on the underlying philosophy of the fables, you might want to skip ahead (for now, at least) and go directly to Fable #1.
If ever there were two categories of literature that need updating, they are the fable and the business advice book.
The fable has remained pretty much the same since the time of Aesop in the 6th century B.C.: a short, didactic story, usually involving animals, with a simple moral.
The business advice book typically consists of one or two ideas padded out to at least 200 pages and including some number (5 or 7 or 12 or whatever) of arbitrary factors that the author asserts are all you need to succeed in business.
And people buy this stuff! In bestseller quantities!
Apparently there is something in human nature that wants to believe that there are simple instructions for success that will work every time – despite ample evidence to the contrary in our complex and ever-changing world.
To get a better perspective on this reductive impulse, it is instructive to go back to classical antiquity and the origins of the fable.
Aesop, so the story goes (the actual historical record is sketchy), lived from about 620 to 560 BC. He was a slave of Iadmon, who gave him his freedom for his clever storytelling ability. In Aesop’s day telling a story with recognizable human characters could get you killed. Particularly if you were a slave.
So Aesop used animals with human characteristics (portraying humans with animal characteristics) to entertain and convey practical wisdom.
Aesop became quite popular, and, at least according to legend, moved in the highest circles of ancient Greek society – philosophers and kings – and was employed as an ambassador by Croesus, the fabulously wealthy king of Lydia.
Aesop encountered the universal truth that celebrity has its perils, however, when he visited Delphi. The citizens of that city thought that his stories were insulting to their aristocracy and to their god Apollo, so they executed him by throwing him off a cliff.
Aesop was a tough act to follow. Over the centuries the fable format remained essentially the same as in Aesop’s day. The primary impulse seemed to be to put fables into verse form. According to Plato, Socrates amused himself while in prison awaiting execution by rewriting Aesop’s fables in verse. Horace and Phaedrus turned the fables into poetry in Latin, and Marie de France and Jean de La Fontaine wrote fables in French verse.
There was also an irresistible urge to tack on a moral at the end of the fable: a short, explanatory restatement of the lesson illustrated by the story.
In recent times longer fables have emerged. The classic example is George Orwell’s “Animal Farm,” a political fable about Soviet communism. In the business field, booklength (albeit short booklength) fables such as “Who Moved My Cheese” and “Our Iceberg Is Melting” have become bestsellers.
So what is it about the fable that needs to be updated?
In Aesop’s time there were far fewer entertainment options than today, and audiences were much less demanding. Short, simple stories were enough. One can picture the Iadmon family sitting around after dinner wanting some entertainment and practical philosophy – and Aesop’s fables were just the ticket. Several millennia later the world is ready for slightly longer and more complex fables. But not too long or complicated. We live, after all, in an era of short attention spans and information overload.
Also, since we are now in a Visual Age, pictures are a useful contemporary addition.
Most importantly, there is the question of morals – that is, the short, one-sentence summaries at the end of fables. Many cultural historians believe that these morals did not exist in the oral tradition of Aesop’s time. That they were appended later by compilers of collections of fables who wanted to summarize and make explicit the moral teaching of the stories.
However they originated, the traditional summary moral at the end of a fable raises two problems in today’s world. First, they create the perception that fables are for children or people who are not able to figure out what the story means and need to have it explained. And second, in the post-modern era of structuralism, deconstruction and value-free relativism, the idea of moral certainties and pat solutions to life’s problems is suspect. As well it should be.
The approach taken in Augenblecq’s fables (as I modestly call them) is to suggest multiple morals at the end of a fable. The idea is to provide instructive summary observations – as well as to encourage readers to think for themselves about the issues presented in a fable.
On to business advice books, which, while a phenomenon of the 20th century, have largely remained unchanged in the 21st.
Most business advice books assert that they have identified a surefire success formula that works in every situation. That may sell a lot of books because it’s what people want to hear, but business and life are too complex and changing to be reduced to simple, universal rules that work every time. Case in point: although the pen may be mightier than the sword, it does not work particularly well in a swordfight.
While all human understanding is reductive (the universe being far too vast and complex for the human mind to grasp), business advice books, as a genre, do not admit any doubt or uncertainty – or possible alternative categorizations or explanations.
This may be explained by the authors’ location in the crosshatched box on the Arrogance/Knowledge Curve:
What this graph shows is that arrogance grows as knowledge increases – up to the point where you start to realize how little you really know. The crosshatched box indicates the area occupied by most business advice authors, who project self-confidence, bordering on arrogance, to sell their books.
Of course, it’s possible that they end up in this box through strategic displacement – that is, they know better, but also understand that humility never got anybody anywhere in business. But I have my doubts.
However it is arrived at, the prevailing approach in business advice books is to treat the readers as nonthinking fools who just want to be handed THE ANSWER and will not question THE VOICE OF AUTHORITY no matter how tenuous the insight or how flimsy the research.
Is the world ready for an approach that acknowledges limitations and seeks to seize the fleeting moments of clarity that are the best that the human mind can probably hope for?
I certainly hope so!
So, all in all, I hope that you found this fable entertaining as well as useful in understanding a little bit more about how business school works – sometimes. And that you can recognize opportunities to apply some of the lessons in your daily battle with naïveté and human nature.
The morals at the end of these fables are general business advice and are not warranted to be applicable to your specific situation.
There are risks in following any business advice. Assessing the suitability of the advice in this book is solely the reader’s responsibility, and, despite what anyone might try to make you believe, you are still ultimately responsible for your own actions.
Or, less legalistically:
1.) If you think that you are a penguin, seagull, free-range chicken, rat, duck, squirrel or any other animal in these fables, you have a problem that I can’t solve.
2.) All advice should be taken with a grain of salt. The size of the grain of salt may vary.
THE TUXEDO FACTORY
Once upon a time – a Friday afternoon, to be more exact – a small colony of penguins waddled into a bar.
They had just come from the retirement ceremony for the Head Penguin, which left them shaken, not stirred. Business was not exactly booming, and the Head Penguin at the Resplendent Penguin Tuxedo Company, where they all worked, was retiring. And even the slowest penguin in the group (that would be Derf from the Cummerbund Department) could understand that things were going to change.
The first thing to change, of course, was the leadership of the company. There was much discussion among the penguins in the bar about why Albert, the Head Penguin, was retiring and what it meant for their future.
“Do you think he was forced out?”
“Does a whale relieve itself in the ocean?”
“He had reached retirement age.”
“Nobody wants to let go of a job like that.
The corner office, the limo, all the krill you can consume.”
“I thought his speech was nice.”
“I thought what he didn’t say was more important than what he did say.”
“Yeah, there’s always a lot more of what they don’t say, even with a really long speech.”
“So what did he leave out that’s important?”
“Oh, stuff like whether we keep our jobs, what happens if we’re not vested.”
“And whether the Cummerbund Department stays the same size,” chimed in Derf.
But judge for yourself. Here is the Head Penguin’s farewell speech:
“When I came in to work this morning, the security guard asked me, ‘Do you guys ever have casual Fridays around here?’
(LAUGHTER)
“Well, we live in an informal age. And I’m not sure that is entirely a good thing. It is certainly not a good thing for the manufacturers of tailored clothing – and men’s formalwear in particular.
“Of course, there is a history of defining formality downward. The tuxedo originated in the late 1800s as a less formal alternative to the tailcoat. And the tuxedo has had a pretty good run as fashion garments go. Of course, it has had its ups and downs, but haven’t we all.
“Looking back, I would say that I have had a pretty good run as the leader of this fine company. But nothing lasts forever. There comes a time to turn things over to the next generation. So today I am proud to announce that I am passing leadership of the company to my son Griswold.
“I wish you all well. It has been a privilege and an honor to serve as Head Penguin. But I now plan to retire and spend a lot more time fishing.”
(APPLAUSE)
Meanwhile, back at the bar, the discussion turned to the speech by Griswold. Here is what Griswold said:
“Thank you, dad.
(APPLAUSE)
“My fellow penguins, we are facing a crisis in our business.
“This is a defining moment, and we need to change.
“The work will not be easy. The challenges we face will require tough choices. We need to cast off the worn-out ideas and policies of the past.
“The greatest risk we can take is to do the same old thing with the same old players and expect a different result.
“History teaches us that at defining moments like this one we must create the change that is called for.
“Change happens because the times require new ideas and new leadership; new policies for a new time.
“We cannot turn back. And we cannot walk alone, with so many challenges facing us now and in the future.
(CONFUSED SILENCE)
“Now, to assist us in this change I am bringing in some consultants from a Boston consulting group, J. L. Seagull & Company. They will help us explore strategic alternatives. They are strategy consultants, but they will also be sending in many young associates to understand every phase of our business. I want each and every one of you to give them your full cooperation. And I know we can all look forward to implementing the recommendations that they come up with in their study.
“Thank you. And now let us celebrate our new beginning by getting back to work.”
(POLITE SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
“I didn’t quite understand what he meant by ‘exploring strategic alternatives’,” said Derf to no one in particular at the bar. Which set up another round of commentary from the commiserating penguins.
“It was ALL a little vague to me.”
“The immediate problem is that we’re going to be up to our beaks in seagulls who know nothing about our business.”
“I say it’s time for organized resistance.”
“But you heard the Head Penguin: nothing lasts forever.”
“Well, I hope tuxedos last a little while longer. I was looking forward to a comfortable retirement myself.”
The following Monday was a day much like any other day at the tuxedo factory. Except for the large flock of seagulls that had flown in from Boston and were poking around in every corner of the operation.
In the Cummerbund Department Derf was under siege from several young seagulls who kept following him around, taking copious notes about what he and his assistants were doing. With annoying frequency they would look up from their notepads and ask, “Why?” Which would cause Derf to stop and try to explain what he was doing in a way that the young seagulls could understand. At first Derf found the seagulls’ interest flattering, then he found it bothersome, and by the third week he thought that he was going to go out of his mind. Although that would be a short trip for Derf. Also, he was getting less and less actual work done and falling hopelessly behind on his production schedule.
About the same time posters with slogans began appearing around the factory. “Change good! Tradition bad!” seemed to be the most widespread. “If we don’t change, we don’t grow!” asserted another. “Don’t get too comfortable!” admonished a third. Soon every department was festooned with posters, banners and balloons proclaiming the necessity for – and extolling the wonderfulness of – change.
The seagull invasion went on for about six months. Then one day the rumor began to circulate that Seagull & Co. was going to make a presentation to top management very soon. It was also rumored that the date had been moved up because Resplendent Penguin was running out of fish to pay the Seagull & Co. consultants – and everyone had noticed that the seagulls were consuming an awful lot of fish.
So, as it turned out, one Wednesday morning there was a presentation to Griswold and his direct reports. One of the partners of J. L. Seagull & Company flew in for the occasion hauling an extremely large deck of slides.
Seagull & Co. was well known for its voluminous reports and mind-numbing presentations, which were designed to meet the expectations of clients who had been promised “rigorous analysis” and who had been paying Seagull & Co.’s outrageous fees and expenses.
Thankfully, the actually useful information in this daylong presentation can be reduced to four slides:
And so the Resplendent Penguin Tuxedo Company changed from manufacturing tuxedos to producing designer T-shirts. Which worked for about six months, until knockoffs from Southeast Asia started showing up at discounters, first as a trickle and then as a flood. And the penguins had to start the change process all over again.
Some suggested lessons from this story:
• Change is the way of the world: whether you make it happen or you let it happen to you, it’s going to happen – sooner or later, larger or smaller, faster or slower, continuously or discontinuously, manageably or catastrophically. The challenge is figuring out how to come to terms with change and make it work for you.
• Change is like stress (which it creates): moderate amounts can be good, large amounts can kill you.
• Since you’re dealing with the infinite complexities of the external world and the internal complexities of human nature, there is no change formula that will always work – no matter what the consultants and business books want you to believe. Or what you, yourself, may want to believe.
• There are, however, some principles that are more often useful than not:
- Changing too many variables at once is a prescription for disaster.
- When you make changes, protect the downside.
- Be very wary of irreversible change.
- Human nature being what it is, there will always be resistance to change. Sometimes it is justified.
- And a final observation: Slogans are the enemies of thought.
MANAGEMENT SCIENCE
Free-range chickens can spell trouble (although they sometimes forget to include the silent “o” and frequently reverse the “l” and the “e”.)
Once chickens are released from a controlled environment you really never know what they’re going to do.
Take, for example, the ones at Dueper Poultry Farms.
Dueper was under intense pressure from animal rights groups and upscale customers to liberate its chickens from the cramped housing where they had been cooped up since Dueper led the industry in the conversion to factory farms. So, on the advice of its PR firm, Hook, Line and Sinker LLP, Dueper decided on an initial free-range pilot program limited to 5% of the DPF flock.
Everything seemed to be going along fine until a renegade group of free-range Dueper chickens wandered into a local bookstore and began to read every book in the Business Management section. Except for one capon named Ralph, who preferred to read about Auto Mechanics.
As they plowed their way through the management books, which ranged from manifestos by consultants to advice from sports figures, former executives, and deceased generals, the chickens became convinced that they could run Dueper Farms far better than the current management. Particularly when they read the many books claiming that management was a science.
Over coffee and sandwiches in the bookstore café the chickens hatched a plot to take over Dueper Farms. Since the business world was changing rapidly and most management books took at least a year from proposal to publication, the chickens realized that tapping the most advanced management thinking would involve some fieldwork.
It was at this point that Ralph suggested that they commandeer one of the buses that Dueper used to transport laborers and go on a road trip in search of the expertise that they would need for the takeover.
You had to get up pretty early to find a Dueper bus that was not yet ferrying workers around Dueper Farms, but one moonless night the free-range chickens awoke before even the most caffeinated rooster began crowing, hot-wired a bus, and headed off to find the latest thinking on management science.