Chasing Love…
Angela Umphery
Copyright 2011 by Angela Umphery
Smashwords Edition
Dedications and Acknowledgements…
I dedicate this book to my pastor who is deceased. By her example and how she lived her life I learned first-hand what true Godly love is and how to love others no matter what.
I dedicate this book to people in my life who have taught me many things among love and who have been there for me through it all. For those who have been that example of what Godly love is and for those who are still learning what it takes to love. I love all of you and this book is for all of you.
I want to send Acknowledgements out to several people for inspiring me, encouraging me, uplifting me and loving me. I give all the credit to the Lord Jesus Christ for making it even possible for me to share what I wrote in this book. For showing me what was instilled me and giving me the words to share with others. For saving from the pits of hell and for bringing me back to him and showing me that even in the midst of my sins I am still a child of God and am still loved.
I acknowledge my son Devon Joshua for being that little angel sent from above. God knew how motherhood would change me and how having a special needs child would change me and would make me. For all the unconditional love Devon shows me and others and how through Devon I learned more about myself and how to become less selfish and more giving.
I acknowledge my son’s dad for the bad and the good that I been through with him. Even though we made so many mistakes and went about things in the wrong way, I have learned through my relationship with him what love is and what love isn’t. I never regret my relationship with him and will always hold a special place in my heart for him.
I acknowledge my pastor who is in heaven still showing me love and who has always shown me what a Godly woman/wife is supposed to be.
I acknowledge my second husband for always being there, always showing me love when I deserve it the least and for being my friend even in the bad times. For never giving up hope on me, for praying for me and for showing me love right in the midst of my mess. I pray God heals and restores your heart and that you will go forth with what God has instilled in you to do. I pray God will bless and keep both of us despite all of our mistakes and wrong doings. May God always be in your presence.
I acknowledge my first husband for always being there and being a friend to me. For always listening and being there for me when I needed someone the most. I will never regret him and will always have love for him. I thank God for what he has done in him and in me to show us both what love should be and what love isn’t. I pray God continues to work in both of our lives and blesses us both beyond what we can even imagine.
I acknowledge my mom and dad for doing the best they knew to do and for always being there in their own special ways, for never giving up on me and for loving me through all the storms in my life.
I acknowledge my one and only sister, my best friend. For always being there showing me love, and for all the times of listening and supporting me in every decision rather it was good or bad. I love her with all my heart.
I acknowledge those who came into my life to inspire me, love me, encourage me or have taught me something about myself, about life and about love. For all of those who have touched my heart even if it was for just a period of time. For all the friendships that have lasted and for the ones that didn’t last. I love all you dearly. May God bless each of you.
Introduction….
Chasing Love
Means to follow or be in pursuit of something….
So many I have seen throughout the years are trying so hard to seek out love and never really know it or find it. Some seek for it their whole lives and wonder why they still can’t seem to find love while others know it, live it and find it. We as individuals seek out love in all the wrong ways and wrong places; we try to do anything just to fill that empty void inside of us. We fail to see just how worthy we are and the power in us to change the way we view love. We stay stuck, stay hurt, and stay miserable and staying living in pain and denial. We continue living in lifestyles that are unhealthy and unsatisfying. We believe love is just a good feeling or a word to tell someone. Our view of love becomes distorted. We become addicts of love and find ourselves asking why we can’t find love that lasts. We hang onto past hurts, past mistakes and past behaviors that basically got us nowhere and certainly didn’t get us the love we been seeking. We allow those things to define who we are and destroy our concept of what love really is.
Instead we can have love and have it to the fullest. We can overcome all the pain and experience love that lasts, love that can stand through the darkest of times. It takes us to go on the pursuit to find ourselves, to find God and to find what love really is. The world will tell us one thing about how love is supposed to be but what does God tell us about love and how it is supposed to be. It takes learning to let go of the things holding us back and opening our hearts up to able to hear and receive the truth about love. Letting go of the cloudy visions of what we thought love is or was and allowing the clear vision of love come into our lives.
You can’t earn love. Love is a choice it is a gift. You can’t buy love. It’s simply not for sale. And it is especially true for God’s love. God has given us love because he has chosen to do so. No one has ever been good enough to receive love. We love simply because we choose to love. Unconditional love is the most powerful force on earth. True Love is when you have been through a lot together and are still standing loving each other with everything in you; it truly is about sacrificing all you have no matter what it may cost you.
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13NIV Pursue love with your mind, heart, and soul….
The Chase:
At some point in our lives we have found ourselves in a pursuit to find love. We want to feel it and know it in our lives and we want someone to share our world with. Why is it so hard for some people? The answer is that we attract everything in our lives by the thoughts that we possess. Our way of thinking rather we realize it or not is what makes our world exactly what it is when it comes to love. Instead of being hopeless or desperate in your pursuit, you can be confident. You can know that you are going to attract the love you been longing for and searching for. Where ever you go you can have it in your mind that the love you are looking for is also looking for you. Having the confidence that you can have it all and you can make a difference if you just simply believe in yourself and seek the best. Think about how many people wind up in negative hurtful relationships that are not what they wanted or were seeking all because they were lacking the belief and the confidence in themselves. Also we lack patience. We don’t want to wait for God to change us, heal us, or bring us someone. We want it now and will do anything or fall for anything just to fill the void or have it in the now. Not realizing that sometimes we need to hold out and take that time just for ourselves and for God before it can happen for us. Making something happen out of the will of God that isn’t supposed to be just to fill that empty void only brings about more pain, more hurt, more loneliness and destruction. Choose to hold out and wait even if it is a long wait. It is ok to befriend someone and get to know someone but jumping into a relationship or a marriage knowing we aren’t ready and knowing we are a mess isn’t the will of God. Believe me I have done it twice and gone through two failed marriages because of not being patient enough to wait. Making yourself desperate for love and for marriage will only scare others away. A positive loving confident man or woman wants and seeks the same. They don’t want a mess of confusion, hurt, or desperation.
The power we have in our thoughts is amazing. Most people don’t realize that we have the power to change and attract what we really desire and want in our lives. Instead we settle into a mess and create more of a mess for our lives when we didn’t have to. God didn’t create us to be a mess or create messes. He created us with love and wants us to live with what we really need and deserve in our lives.
For So many years I was pursuing love in all the wrong ways. In ways that entrapped me to the same old lifestyle that I thought I would never stop living in. At the end of every day I was left feeling hopeless, lonely, terrified, miserable and sad. My heart felt emptied, felt all used up and felt trapped. I was caught into a web of deception and a web of mistakes and failures that I thought I would never be able to shake or overcome.
For me it took losing a lot in my life. It took me to really started looking at me and asking questions. I choose to go on a pursuit to find me and to find the answers as to why I lived a life full of lies and a life full of emptiness. I finally had to stop chasing after love and allow love to find me.
I had to learn to see what I was worth and view myself as someone worthy and as someone who was created with a purpose. I could no longer allow people or things of the world consume me anymore or bring me down. I had to learn to see myself in the way that God sees me. I had to realize that no man or woman could love me as much as God loves me. God loves me that much than I must be able to also love myself that much.
It was a day by day process. There was a lot of baggage and things I had to slowly let go of and work on before recognizing just how much I am loved and just how special I am. I started to take the focus off of me and what I was struggling in and gave it back to God and allowed God to work in me and through me to be able to help others.
Each day even if it killed me I would take time to show one act of kindness to another and show others love even if it came back void and even if the person hated me. I took time to really understand and know God’s love verses the world’s love. I took time to understand why love was created and why it is so powerful. Kindness builds love. Act in a kindly manner that seeks the good of others. Show love by thinking of others before yourself. You will find a reward beyond your imagination if your love follows this noble path.
In this pursuit I have learned so much about God, about myself and have witnessed so much in others. In this pursuit I have had many tests, many trials, and many fallbacks yet each time I hit my knees and ask for God’s strength to keep pursuing and not give up on the pursuit for love or give up on the gifts he has instilled inside of me.
To be able to go forth and share my story I have prayed for guidance and strength as I battled through this for such a long time and still do. In my story I will share with what I have learned and some things that I have struggled in.
My prayer is that this book will touch many lives and will impact people to want to come to God and to see the power in love. We can have faith but without love we are nothing.
Contents
Preface
My Story…
Characteristics of Love…
3. Healthy Love Verses Unhealthy Love/The Four kinds of Love…
4. Discernment in Love…
5. Love in all the wrong ways…
6. Learning to love you…
7. Learning to let go of past hurts and mistakes…
8. Love is Freedom and Forgiveness...
9. Humility Verses Pride…
10. Love Verses Lust and Infatuation…
11. Building Trust in Love…
12. Coping with Loneliness…
13. Dealing with Rejection...
14. Confusion and Doubts in Love…
15. Overcoming Jealousy and Insecurity…
16. Overcoming the fear in love…
17. Reality verses Fantasy love…
18. The Power of Words in Love…
19. So what does true healthy godly love look like?
20. Walking In Love…
21. Putting God first…
22. The Healing Process...
23. Resources on love…
My story….
All my life I struggled with the word love and the actions of love. I never understood what love really was. I thought love was just showing a nice action to someone you care about such as having sex, buying things, giving and doing whatever I had to in order to show that love and get love back in return. I ended up becoming so self-absorbed, so selfish and so completely hurt and alone. My words and actions were speaking two totally different things. I would give my heart, my body, and everything I had to get love or hope I would be giving the love that others needed. I was left feeling emptied, used up, unworthy, dirty, and left alone in my misery.
What I have learned is that the heart is the most deceitful and feelings can change. Following your heart can become a very dangerous place especially if it is wrapped up with the wrong motives. Proverbs 28:26NIV: He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered. The heart can be unreliable, and corrupted. It has to be genuinely changed by God otherwise we will continue to seek and do the wrong things. I also learned that love is like a garden. The seed of love is planted, but unless someone tends the garden a strong plant will never grow. Love requires long, hard work. Song of Solomon 4:16NIV states: Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its pleasant fruits. Just like a garden needs tending just so a plant needs seeds to grow. We are to be the ones to plant those seeds of growth and of love otherwise it will never grow and will wither. One must learn to be vulnerable before God and to others to experience love. One must be willing to accept changes rather good or bad in order to learn love and be able to receive and give love. Psalm 139:23-24NIV: Search me O’God and know my heart, try me and know my anxieties and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.