Yes, I am Woman!
Poems of Truth, Love, and Expression, from a Woman's Perspective
By Anica Walston
Copyright 2011 Anica Walston
Smashwords Edition
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Dedication
To every woman who is silent and cannot find the words to express her sentiments. To every woman who has tolerated and has done the unimaginable. To every woman who has been judged for the choices they made by those who have made similar decisions. To every woman who has cried with a smile on their face. To every woman who thinks outside the box. To every woman who has nurtured the wombs of others while leaving their scars unhealed. To every woman who has loved, and lost love. To every woman who understands she holds purpose and has a vision. To every woman who has surpassed and remains balanced while still maintaining their poise and grace. Yes, you are woman! So hold your head high and understand you are more than a conqueror and your essence is the necessary substance of this world.
Contents
Introduction
Part I
Are you grieving?
White Box
Sadden or Joyful
Ignorance
Stricken with pain
Where was I?
I want
Honesty in the day
Can't sleep
Part II
What does love mean to you?
In the Name of
I blew you a kiss
Beloved Ambition
Kisses and Hugs
Love songs
High School Sweetheart
Sometimes
Your Kiss
Marriage
Decadence & divinity
Part III
How do you mend a broken heart?
Tonight I lost the love of my life
Break Up
Releasing a Good Man
Close My Eyes
Sitting
Undisclosed
Forgiveness for a Broken Heart
Part IV
What does your fire and desire look like?
7 days to Paradise
No Breakfast!
Once
Remembered
What
happened
Why?
Lay
Chocolate Cocaine
Lifted
Urge
Visual
I Am
Part V
Whatcha think about him?
He did
Don’t... Knock him down
Halt!
I apologize
Fairytales
COOKIE
Romantically challenged
Excuse the reality
Did you like me?
My definition of a good man
Part VI
Who is in control?
Not!
Play List
Superego
Options
I wanted to write a poem and express ….
Searching
Sisters
Word Play
Conforming …Right?
Well, let me introduce Myself
You must not Know Bout Me
You Rise
Who cares?
Stepping in Pride
Mirror
Satisfy My Soul
Don’t forget…
Sometimes I just need….Neo Soul
Traveling in my/her History
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Introduction
I am not sure why I ever started writing but I always had something to say. The problem was I was not vocal about what I felt. I could only place my sentiments on paper. I had thoughts, which I wrestled with day to day. I had feelings that sometimes overwhelmed me, I did not have anyone to share them with, and so I wrote. This poetry book is about the experiences I have encountered and observed as a woman. As I matured in my writing, I started to appreciate women in a different light.
I have been able to observe the wonderful characteristics of my mother, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, and girlfriends. I have learned to appreciate their individual personalities, uniqueness, and qualities. I have examined the women I have met and were contact with, over the years, and have accepted who they were, even after wrestling with differences. I have learned to value what a woman stands for because I am a woman. There are many instances when women cannot agree or see eye to eye but there is something to learn and love about every woman encountered.
Women come in all shapes sizes and color and at the end of the day, I found that we all possess similar qualities but are also have different traits. We process information differently and we have different perspectives. Some women love with our whole heart. Some women are apprehensive of love, and the complications of it. We long for security yet we sometimes settle for the comfortable even if we are internally unhappy.
Some women put everything first and are completely selfless, while some women refuse to sacrifice for their own selfish reasons. We all possess desires, wants, and needs. We long for passion and completion. Some of us make decisions on impulse for instant gratification. We hold guilt in our spirits in the hopes that it will eventually dissipate. Some of us use our natural instincts in order to shape and mold our lives. While others are clueless and take chances because it feels right or suits the moment. We make mistakes, and some of try to right their wrongs. Some of us are just good natured, free spirited, but lack in other areas, which may not always be apparent. Whatever we do, however we do it, it never takes away from us being a woman.
A woman who intended to capture all of the good, bad, shameful, joyous, delightful thoughts of an everyday woman wrote this collection of poems. There are poems about empowerment, which outline the strength of a woman when faced with adversity. Poems about love that is present and was once held. There are poems that focus on a woman’s anxiety, confusion, and her everyday life. This collection also includes a woman’s decision of her personal interactions, and tolerances of a man. “Yes, I am woman,” is a book in which all women should be able to relate to in one or multiple poetic excerpts.
Yes, I am a Woman!
Yes!
I was released from the womb with the XX chromosome
I began to crawl and refused the assistance of others
Oh yes, I learned to saunter in twenty steps because Defiant was my middle name
I studied the alphabet in three different languages before I learned to speak
I chased mother nature down and insisted she blessed me every 28 days
Yes, I was a fool!
I greeted acne and allowed it a place for temporary dwelling, and yes it eventually discovered a new home
At night I howled at the moon and prayed for an increase in my mammary glands
I went from C to DD’s after 4 prayers
I spewed my first profanity
(kiss my ***, and screw you!!)
Enjoyed it, and made it my second language, they had the nerve to call me a truck driver
I kissed a boy and liked it, kissed a girl and was confused, but I liked that too
I misplaced my virginity, wasted it on a nameless face but he had a wonderful body, and his cologne was banging!
I commanded the attention of all who laid their eyes upon me
I used my beauty as a crutch to get what I wanted and was very proud of it
because for a while it paid the bills
I challenged my parents and followed the rules of no one,
I told them I was grown!
I disputed the beliefs and the knowledge I acquired while wallowing in my own misery
I mistook my conceitedness for confidence
I tried to find my identity through clothes, drugs, alcohol, and promiscuity,
received unnecessary attention,
and didn’t know I was longing for affection
I condemned everyone for my circumstances,
took responsibility for nothing,
because it was never my fault
I squandered my life savings on trivial materials, which can no longer be accounted for,
I think my credit score is…well that doesn’t matter now
I wandered through the valley with no protection never knowing what it meant to submit and surrender,
even though grandma tried to tell me about God every time we talked
I was struck down by the impossible and yearned
for more, and somehow I knew I had dreams
I embraced a love that didn’t love me back,
but stayed because it was all I knew
I cheated, I stole, I lied, and judged,
because there was no way they were going to get the upper hand
I was going to bear three sons, and a girl out of wedlock,
but decided to give them up, only to keep one
I married for security and convenience,
it just seemed like the right thing to do
I divorced because of a black eye and swollen lip,
let me not forget the restraining order
I had no place to go and found a home in Complacency, on 123 Stagnant Avenue
I began to fight with my landlord Beelzebub, who insisted I couldn’t break my lease,
but little did he know I found a lawyer who handled my issues
I became tired, and weary, and searched for satisfaction and read the book of truth
I fell to my knees and begged for forgiveness but never regretting my youth
I gave it all up never to turn back and found true satisfaction
I learned my lesson, counted my blessings,
and still remained true to my existence
And though I made mistakes, found love, and lost through hopeless heartaches, grief, and anxiety,
I took a stand
Some of my actions may be questionable but there is no doubt
that
Yes, I am still a Woman!
Part I
Are you grieving?
At some point in every woman’s life they grieve, experience pain, and sorrow. There is confusion and there is pain. Woman wrestle with their identities while trying to understand self. They feel like giving up or running away from their current situations. They sometimes feel trapped. They want answers. They want a resolution and a moment of comfort. They want to run away from the dismay and forget about the decisions, mistakes, and consequences. In the end, they can’t run away from the reality of their emotions. They can’t hide behind their smiles. Tears are shed, and are very real because when you grieve you can’t hide behind the truth. In doubt, fears, anxiety, and depression there is a light but the emotions are there. You just have to embrace them and express your feelings.
White Box
So I am trapped in a room that stands still
Padded with fear
The ability to breathe is being taken away
Smothering and suffocating
I become nauseous
As I scurry to find an exit out of this white box
The walls close in
I often wonder,
Am I trapped in my thoughts of being alone
With desperation and despair
Wrestling with time
With dreams that I dare to dream
There is just enough space for me to recognize my solitude
As my soul cries
For a way out of this turmoil
I hoped to find peace
My dreams of isolation
Is blocked by a dam
Wavering, off the external emptiness and drain
The white box lets my spirit die while
Silently it also anchors rejuvenation in my humility
The white box is justified by the emotions
That can only be traced by my distant heart
I long to leave the white box
With the choice to revisit
On my own accord
For I am bigger than the white box and
It just holds no space for me
Sadden or Joyful
So sometimes,
I feel like crying
Kicking and screaming
Confused and bewildered
Weak and full of fear
Transparent to the world
As they laugh at my lack there of
I feel like crying
Upset at decisions made
Not taking the right paths
Not searching for understanding
I cry,
I was taught, I was fortunate in areas
Of generational knowledge and wisdom
Of elders who held true in their Holy Ghost
I feel like crying
Because today I can’t decide
My thoughts are cloudy
And my space feels cluttered
Full of emotional temperament
That fluctuates between sorrow and joy
I do not know
I feel the need to purge and in some moment
I feel that sense of reality is seemingly redeemable
It gives me the ability to express through my tears
My pain to shed my doubts
My abilities to, create joys out of lessons
I feel like crying
Ignorance
I cannot pretend, be mad at anything in this world
I cannot be concerned with visible deceits that have obvious warning signs
I should not have expected truth from known liars
I should not have accepted gifts and treasures for returns of lust
My wandering outside the world is no fault of others
My attention too others detail was not my appointment
Clearly, the yellow brick road was the obvious choice, but the desert was my path
I cannot clearly challenge known lessons, that I was taught
Can’t doubt the word, when it is tangible and accessible
No, blaming is not an option
So pretending can be a past time if it satisfies my soul
But the ignorance is obvious
Stricken with pain
She
possessed a shield of happiness that was perverted with a complexion
of compromise
and though her cry was silent,
Her heart
bled with a lack of determination
A desire to move forward
But
a strong hold
To sit in a glary stance
Her body
reeked of pain
And the indentions on
Her face were apparent
From the stress of tears
That she cried in isolation
Her fears
and doubts
Had manifested
Into the mountains of loneliness
As her prayers became empty
And unresolved
Enough was
the word
She mumbled for she lacked power
in her tongue and
mental capacity
In a voice
that was familiar,
She heard sweetness and compassion
That
instructed her
To rebuke and release the trials that appeared to
attack
The existence in which HE had created
My child
you weep
And I do hear for your sorrow and pain
I can and
will bear
For your preciousness
Is helped and can heal your
capacity to praise
Even in
sorrow
And though your faith is withered
I will not
allow you to perish
Just take your burdens to your
FATHER my
son
and leave it there
Troubled by the word
Yet she
understood
She removed her pointed finger from the trigger