A FRIEND MADE ME REMEMBER

POEMS FROM THE HEART, THE MIND, THE SOUL, AND SPIRIT

Of PAUL BENNETT

AKA

CRALION

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

This writing endeavor is dedicated to my family and friends who were my inspiration. I dedicate this book to my son’s, especially the memory of Shakari Hakeem Bennett---my warrior, my son.

I would also like to acknowledge contributions by family and friends who loved Shakari and wished their feelings expressed in this book, so I have included their poems with their permission:

Jessie F. Shackelford (Grandmother)

Omar R. Bennett who (brother) contributed-WORDS WITHIN

Gaynor Saadia Bennett (Stepmother) contributed-IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD

Maidie Lee Burgess (Grandmother) by Whitney Morris MY FIRST NEW YEARS IN HEAVEN

Kim Hosea (Godmother/friend) contributed-IT’S NOT TO HARD WHEN I THINK OF YOU

Mark Lewis (Uncle) contributed-TO “SHAK” IN REMEMBRANCE

A FRIEND MADE ME REMEMBER

(Dedicated to the true love of my life Jessie Faye Shackelford, my mother)

You’re always in my heart

hidden deep in my thoughts...in me

The pain of losing you submerged by many years

and a deluge of tears

From your inspiration my life has gone on

time brought acceptance of your absence from my life

But your love remains one with my entity

it sustains me...that an God

I still have the need to give you my love

I cry silent tears for need of yours

Both desires share your memory,

both lost the gift of you

Then a friend made me remember in vivid reflection

the joy of loving you, the happiness of being with you

The pain of losing you

the despair of needing you

The question of why still lingers strong

yet the answer may be too clear

I just don’t want to see

when you took your life, you took mine from me

I too have tasted emptiness, and it’s all bitter flavored

its loneliness, its despair, the hopelessness

The depression that says “to hell with it all”

I need to stop the pain in the void of death

There were guilt’s burdens that robbed my strength

my peace of mind, my faith

Drained away with years matched by waves of tears

knowing the instrument of your demise...was mine

I should have taken it with me

I should have known your mind

I didn’t see them, but there had to be warning signs

please forgive me

“WORDS WITHIN”

Peace within y heart to bear,
for the loss of someone for whom I truly care.
The life I’m living I imagine you in it,
Memories in my heart will always be cherished

At first, it was really hard for us to hang on,
now we accept, for in fact we know
you’re in a place of freedom.
From crying out loud before going to sleep,
now I see your soul that God will keep

Day by day passes by,
I’m missing you Bro, in my heart I cry.
Trying my hardest to suffer no more,
for the feelings I have are corrupted and sore.
I pray that you are resting in peace,
up to this day I still ask, “why did you have to
leave?”

Predicting that life will never feel right,
without my brother by my side.
Missing you more and more everyday
of my life, knowing that you will walk with me when it’s
my time.
You’re the first thing on my mind when I awake, FOR I
LOVE YOU BRO!

Deep within my heart I pray...
I know it may seem like life’s falling apart.
He maybe gone
But remains close to our hearts.
I know it hurts, we all cry for him too,
but just knowing that he’s with God,
pulls me through

I’ll dry my tear, and try to remember,
all good times you had,
and cherish them forever.
There are many people that care,
and also feel your pain.
Things happen for a reason,
and there’s no one to blame.
Sometimes I wonder if God hears
me when I pray,
And if he does, then this is what I’ll say,
” Dear lord, I lost a friend today,
I’m praying cause I miss him,
Please forgive him for the thing he’s done
And wash away he’s sins.
Let him know his missed and that
His being thought of,
please send him our prayers
and give him our love...........

Miss you Shakari Bennett,

Your Brother

(written by Omar Bennett and contributed to this book with his permission)

IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD

In the Presence of God, I feel Alive again

the majesty of his glory surpasses anything that I could have ever imagined

In the Presence of God I feel whole again

there is no part of me separated from His Healing touch

All my brokenness is mended

In the Presence of God I feel complete again

I know His Mercy, Grace and Peace, and they restore me

In the Presence of God I feel Joy and Gladness again

laughter, Singing, Worship and Praise are a part of me forever more

In the Presence of God I see clearly again

his wisdom is revealed to me, nothing escapes His Understanding

In the Presence of God I feel Cherished

the warmth of His Eternal Arms cradles me in Everlasting love

And there is nothing better!

This poem is written by Gaynor Saadia Bennett and contributed to this book with her permission as a tribute to my son Shakari Bennett.

MY FIRST NEW YEARS IN HEAVEN

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below with

tiny lights like heavens stars reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular, so please wipe away that tear

I’m spending my New Years with Jesus Christ this year

I hear the New Years song that people hold so dear,

but the sound of joyful music can’t compare to the choir up here,

I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring, for it is beyond description to hear the angels sing

I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart

But I’m not so far away---we really aren’t far apart

So be happy for me my dear ones you know I will hold you near

Just be glad I’m spending New Years with Jesus Christ this year

I send you each a special gift from my heavenly home above

I send you each a memory of my undying love, after all is a gift more precious than pure gold

Please continue to love each other as are heavenly father instructed us to do

So far I cannot count the blessings or all the love He has for you

I just want to let everyone know I will miss you too

So have a happy New Year and wipe away your tears and remember

I, Maidie Lee Burgess am spending New Years with Jesus Christ this year

Written by my mother-in-law and included in this book with my families permission

“IT’ NOT TOO HARD WHEN I THINK OF YOU”

Since you left I look at life differently.

Before, sometimes things in life seemed to be just too “Hard” – just too difficult.

I realize now that life and the challenges in it are not “Hard” – they are just life.

I embrace Life and accept its challenges in Your Honor.

Since you left, I “see” Life – it’s not too “Hard” when I think of you.

Since you left, I “hear” Life—it’s not too “Hard” when I think of you.

Since you left, I “feel” Life—it’s not too “Hard” when I think of you.

Since you left, I embrace the struggles – they are not too “Hard” when I think of you.

You have inspired me to be better—it’s not too “Hard” when I think of you.

You have inspired me to inspire others --- it’s not too “Hard” when I think of you.

You have inspired me to believe in myself more so than before --- it’s not too “Hard” when I think of you.

You have inspired me to “Be”—to “Be Me” – to “Be a Better, more Authentic Me” – it’s a very easy thing to do when I think of you.

I thank you for being so Authentic – so “Shakari”.

I thank you for always daring to be caring – about anyone and anything.

I thank you for daring to be different – not just for the sake of being different – you were just being “Shak”.

I thank you for always giving people the benefit of the doubt – even when I didn’t believe they always deserved it.  (Thank you for that!)

I thank you (and Omar) for being able to laugh at me in such a way that made me know that I was very special and loved.  (That is true love!)

I thank you for fighting to live – even when your body became weary from the battle.  (I sometimes think you were fighting to inspire courage in us.)

You made the world a better place to live and guess what – life is not too “Hard” when I think of you.

Fighting to breathe, to survive, to just live – those are a few of the truly “Hard” things you faced.

What can I say – the thing that remains “Hard” about my Life is having you not in it.

Even in that, I know you would want me to prevail.

You not only taught, you showed.

I look forward to seeing your big “Kool-Aid” smile – I know you will have one on your face when I see you again!

Thank you, Shakari Bennett

.

Written by Kim Hosea in tribute to Shakari Bennett, and included in this book with her permission.

TO “SHAK” IN REMEMBRANCE

I remember my first days with you

The door you opened to me A stranger

The day that became weeks, and then into years

Time seemed plentiful then

I hear the laughs

I miss the laughs

To this day I miss my family

The father, the son, the son and me

A man a long way from family who found one with you

Of the four of us you were the one who made the least noise

Of the four of us you were the one content to be silent

Of the four you were the most loved by all

You face can bee seen when our eyes close

Your voice heard when the silence of our minds comes due

The beauty of my mind lets me see your smile as if today was then

When I said goodbye to you I cried

I felt I let you down

I cried because I would miss you

Scared that I would never see you again

I hold tightly those first days with you. You opened your home to me

I want to walk through that door again, and hold my “nephew”

I want you to beat me at Madden

You were one of the reasons why I can never forget

That God sends you angels on earth get you through your doubts

I close my eyes, see your smile and know how much God loves me

I love you too

Written by Mark Lewis in tribute to Shakari Hakeem Bennett, and including in this book with his permission.

SUNRISE TO SUNSET

Why do they say that?

Write it on the funeral program

I even wrote it on his headstone, and I don’t know why

Not saying born May 15, 1981, died March 4, 2005 is somehow supposed to ease the pain

Ease the memory of losing my son…it doesn’t

I did feel it; it didn’t feel like life, the golden warmth of a rising sun

A rising sun bringing light and life

I didn’t feel the glow of life or the sweet energy of birth

I didn’t share the calming peace of a beautiful sunset

No there was no romantic flow or an evening breeze

Nor the satisfied whisper of a day drifting to sleep

All I have is the memory of my son’s constant gaze, and diminishing body

The rise and fall of the thin layer of skin that covered his once strong chest

I could literally see my son’s heartbeat, touched the spot that pulsed and felt my son’s life

I watched the barely perceptible inhale and exhale of his fading breaths

I saw before me, part of the best of me…my son

I saw all the pain, the fear and the struggle of the past year

I recall the memory of his eyes, alive yet still

Life was there but not animated by my words, my touch

No response to my voice

The words, “I love you son.”

I feared he was in pain---the cancer had no mercy it, ate him alive… killing him slowly

I knew he was frightened, he had been told he was going to die, but he didn’t show it

How could I ease his fears, how could I comfort him, how could I save him?

I was helpless, but he’s my son, I supposed to protect him from everything!

I didn’t know what to say, what to do

I was helpless to take away the dark shadows creeping over his life

Helpless to save my son, a better part of me

I’m his dad, that’s what I’m supposed to do

I heard my voice say, “it’s okay son, just go to sleep.”

The tears welled in my eyes, I was telling my son as gently as I could

He had fought the good fight, it’s was okay to let go

I didn’t feel it, the sunrise or the sunset

I didn’t feel his life beginning on May 15, 1981

I did feel his life ebbing away March 4, 2005

I did feel my heart breaking---dying with my son

I did see his pulse stop, and his chest rise no more

I did hear his last breath escape to freedom from his parted lips

I did hear myself shout, “no Shakari…no!”

I saw a smile form on his lips and peace settle over his face

I wandered what it meant?

I hoped it meant he’d seen Jesus, heaven…God!

A voice behind me, a caring nurse said, “that smile was for you Mr. Bennett.”

I heard the words but then, at that moment, they were drowned by my anguish

By a shout of pain screaming through my mind, my heart…my soul!

Reality was before me, lying still and silent, my son

I refused to accept that it had happened, not to my son

A father isn’t supposed to out live his son’s, especially good sons

Especially loving sons

I knew there was a higher power who could make things right

Reverse time; quicken my son back to me

Bring life and light to the lifeless eyes of my son

“Jesus now is the time to show the unbelievers Lord. Show them your true power.”

I waited desperate, hoping, begging, but my son didn’t move, he didn’t rise

It was not to be, not now!

I gently tried to close his eyes but they wouldn’t

The movies lie!

I give thanks that I know God…my sons know God

That Us Three, Omar, Shakari and me all accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior

That we were all baptized on the same day, in the same way

I will have to wait until the resurrection

Jesus promised there will be another day

A wonderful reunion in a glorious place, “to be absent of the body is to be present with the Lord”

“In my father’s house there are many mansions”

I will see my child again in the Halls of Heaven

See his brilliant smile listen to his full-throated effervescent laughter

Hear him call me “dad!”

I have to hold on too God’s infallible promise

I just don’t know how to stop the pain!

I don’t feel the warmth of the Sunrise

I don’t feel the peace of the Sunset

It was truly the Dark Evening of my soul

I just want to feel me hug my son again!

THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

MY PRAYER ON THE WINGS OF FAITH

CHAPTER 1 Page 10 ‘BOUT FAMILY AND FRIENDS

CHAPTER 2 Page 49 WINDOWS INTO BLACKNESS

CHAPTER 3 Page 77 REFLECTIONS YESTERDAY, TODAY & TOMORROW

CHAPTER 4 Page 99 ISSUES IN AMERICA

MY PRAYER ON THE WINGS OF FAITH

Truly an impression, an undeniable expression

Made by the one whose faith doth not fade

No tangible moorings or foundation on which to rely on

Nor even a solid base or shoulder on which to lean on

Faith from my lips to him on the wings of a prayer

When hope is only imagery, promises only fantasy

And dreams a 50/50 chance at reality

What source holds together the seams of my sanctuary?

My sanity, my life---faith on the wings of a prayer

It’s is the faith of the father, by the father, in the father

As the flight of an eagle carried aloft sustained by unseen hands

So must our faith be sustained, full of the promise he is able

Full of the truth he is faithful to answer

Carried aloft on the wings of faith

My prayers cannot fail to reach their goal

To live with my Lord and never grow old

A vessel emptied, reshaped, and reborn

A renaissance formed by the master’s hand

Quickened by the master’s breath

Filled with the Holy Spirit

On his omnipotence I can stand

Your son’s sacrifice gave a choice

One not to whisper, but shout in a full strong voice

To hell with forever death, eternal life is my decision

To be separated from God, a never ending suicidal division

The desires of my heart you give

For me you know what’s best to live

Your wisdom and peace passeth all understanding

That’s why I pray, as did your son

Nevertheless, not my will but thine be done

CHAPTER ONE

‘BOUT FAMILY AND FRIENDS

(The roots of now and forever)

THE FOUNDATION OF OUR TODAYS AND TOMORROWS

LEGACY

Teach them the love of God first

For his word they must hunger and thirst

Secure their eternity in his loving hands

Against all evil and perversion take a stand

Be strong in the Lord and the power of The Word

It was made flesh to teach us to teach them

It’s as simple as teaching wrong from right

But first you must know the difference

Positive politicians with Christian morals and admonitions

To help heal the world from all it’s fatal affliction

To own all the worlds riches, and power means nothing when Jesus returns

We will have to answer, give an account if our legacy has been sold to Satan

His wrath be terrible because daily angels smile down on the babies

So as we live, we must keep their futures in sight

We are the difference, the key, we must stand in the breach

Warriors for the tomorrows our children must reach

When their future arrives what will they see?

How much did we leave as a legacy?

THE GLOW OF CARING

When the winter came the cold touched my bones

Yet I was warm---I was alive and the warmth of caring possessed me

I wanted to do more, share more

Because the glow of caring was within me

The chill of the night air raced through the darkness

But I was warm, and it felt good

I was adrift on clouds of contentment gazing upon the jewels of life

The beginning and forever of me, and you

Tall and erect are my sons, handsome twin treasures

Symbols of Gods reality---and of me

My love for them is because they are, therefore I am…I will be

And I feel the warmth of the glow of caring

Privileged I am, blessed to say the least

They call me dad---sometimes “pops”

The electricity of those words quickens me

With them we are family, bound together by the glow of caring

MY SONS

They’ve grown so much bigger now

Minds unsimplistic, rational bordering on the fringes of the abstract

The origin of concepts, deductive reasoning, inductive conclusions,

boy they surprise me, but the pleasure of their growth swells my chest with pride

I’m their dad, but you are their father

Tall and lean frames still creating

Growth that grows and grows, where it stops God only knows

They challenging the sky with the exuberance of youth

Descendents of a lineage they do honor to…and make better

Blessed beyond measure my sons I treasure

They are my best, yet better than me

Their path is above me, goals set on high

Lord please hold them, guard, surround these gifts give me

I cannot do it alone

Caress and bless their every day with your fingertips

The good that I am, in them is better made

Children born of me and another, they are better, the best in your image

To me they are given better than the rest

I am their dad---you are their Father!

US THREE

(Shakari, Omar and Me)

The next step to manhood

I did it…I took him away from home

As humble as it is, it is still home

A small space to be sure

Not what it could have been---should have been

I regret that, but it was filled with love

It was whole, united by us three

Now we are two---one is in college

But I still feel us three

My heart is still full

I knew this time would come

I knew Omar would have to go

Move on---take the next step to manhood

Carry on his bequeathed legacy----Shakari would follow soon

I prepared for this 4 years

I thought I was ready

But how can you prepare to give them up

Lose a part of you

I guess I wasn’t ready---it hurts

There’s such emptiness, such loss…and need

That part of my heart that was him, swells with memories

He’s not gone forever, I just miss us three

Another bittersweet burden a parent must bear

A torment that will be re-inacted, I have another son

Shakari, my baby boy…6’2”

I love him equally, but when it is time

I must help him leave the nest---I already feel the pain

He is his own person, I love is uniqueness, his individuality

He is part of the two that makes of three

There are two more years to prepare

It didn’t work the last time one left the nest

But he has to take the next step to manhood, and away from me

I’m twice proud, twice sad

I’ll miss being called “pops” miss hearing “dad” times two

Then it will be just me---even more I will miss us three

In time maybe it will be the grand ones plus me

Will I be ready this time?

Love hurts---but it’s oh so good to remember, us three

I know I am blessed, have been blessed, will be blessed

God has given me precious gifts in them

I hope I did good enough with them to justify his faith in me

I miss us three

It may be awhile before I hear the chorus of their laughter

It brought tears of happiness and hope to my life

Twin sounds that brighten my world---made me smile

The life they represent, two parts of me…that are me

They are better than me, the best of me

The one thing that is me I am certain is good

About which I have no doubt

About which I am proud

Aaah---I must stop this selfishness

One has, and one must journey

Take the next step to be

This is God’s plan, growing from boyhood into a man

From babies with toys, childhood boys, then men from me

Celebration again, it will be then…Us Three

KNOW LIFE IN YOUR EYES

(Thoughts in the womb)

I’m in awe because you’ve allowed my presence in your world

To know life in each breath you take gives meaning to my essence

I am created new with each moment in time

Renewed with every heartbeat, manifested fantasy I become reality

I know life in your eyes

The call in my heart is the song of loves something

That love, that something becomes destiny revealed

Fantasy living in my hopes, my yearnings, my needs

I am full of beginnings, a rebirth, an assurance of life continuing

Because I know life in your eyes

Now each breath I take is one more eternity

I am worthwhile I am whole

How perfect I am conceived in the perfection of your love

Cradled in the warmth that is your womb, awaiting my time

I feel the beat of my life, hear the echo of yours, but I don’t understand

Your echo is life beating inside me

Our entities merged one inside the other, one dependent on the other

Who is inside whom? I am a beginning---I think, I feel, I feel, I hear, and I am hungry

I don’t understand---I’m just awaiting the time

The two of us are one for now---I think

The sum of the whole, the pieces that were once two became one

One of us was yielding, allowing only one---the strongest swimmer

He passed through, pushed hard, penetrated…thrust deep

Sought repose in the creation of us…of me

This is scary, but exciting!

Well it’s better than floating in darkness trying to count cracks in my eyelids

At least I think that’s what they are

They keep moving

Aaah the wet warmth that holds my being is declining

Hey---the water level just dropped!

I’m floating downward I am coaxed gently…at first

But I sense soon I will be hurried, pushed toward the unknown

Maybe the beginning of my destiny

It’s getting close in here---no tight!

The pressure is more than my need to think, to understand

I must tell the me to adapt, become one with the walls of this passage

Blend with the wetness that helps slide me along with each now powerful shove

Then another strong push, a very pleasant push

I wish I could see whose hands are on my butt

Hey---who’s doing the pushing---I’m turning upside down?

I am confused!

For a moment in time I am lost

That which was once two of us is frightened

What is that I sense---I hear a moan, deep and painful but it isn’t me

There goes those hands again, pushing me had first toward the tightness

It’s squeezing my head and the pressure is more than my need to think---to understand

I cannot go further, I must resist and return to the warm darkness

But I can’t, that isn’t my destiny---it is my time

Fear will sap my strength; drain my resolve---my need to be

Oh wait---don’t push, my play string is trying to slip around my neck I can’t breathe!

We must rest, we are tired, and now I can straighten out that darn string

Hmmm, that’s better, aaah the strong hands again

It’s too tight! I must close my eyes

The pressure is more than my need to understand

But at least now I know that I’m the one on the inside

I’m so tired---I must trust the strong hands, I need to sleep

Hey, there’s something in my mouth---Ooow that hurt

I’m cryin---I’m loud!

I feel the need to hit back, to be hugged, I am---hey that feels warm

I need to see! I need to see!

I can see light, I see---thighs, loving soft eyes---a smile

Hey---where’s the rest of me? Heeelp…I’m stuck!

But those eyes, they make me feel safe

I’ve seen them before---I have been inside them

They tell me it’s my time, it’s my destiny---I am beginning

I’m in awe because of my presence in your world

To know life in each breath I take

I am created new with each moment in time renewed with every heartbeat

I know that I am because of you, I know life in your eyes

BIRTH

Mirrored smiles diaphanously fearful

Mystical tears trickle in sweet hope

Laughter tinged with the pain of pushing

All hope directed toward the crown not yet showing

It says life is coming

Countenance occasioned by the strain of effort

The urge to force life into being

Then intervals of calm bring relief from creation

Experienced brows wrinkle and furrow with concerned hope

Anticipation, contractions sudden evidence of a the drive to live

Banner before the coming of the new

Loins moist, asunder once encompassing to receive love

Now separate to prying eyes focused on the true tunnel of love

The path that must be traveled naturally with only light as its guide

A last surge as the new one rushes to its beginning

The image of those who joined in its conception

Captivity is no more, free at last, free at last, into what destiny that awaits

One mighty effort and creation is complete

Tiny weeping eyes barely closed with the effort to breath

The gunk is cleared away, a sharp blow and the crying starts

And the new one vows to remember who spanked him

Just to give a proper thank you, much later of course---ah revenge!

LITTLE BROWN MAN

(Dedicated to my son Shakari Hakeem Bennett)

Little brown man, fast as you can

Make me a man with your smile

Eyes full of life sparkling with joy

I’m the proud father of you baby boy

My heart is warm every time you’re near

So full of love I shed a tear

Little brown man, fast as you can

Make me a man with your smile

Honey brown life, kicking, crying, laughing

Life born unaware of its reality

Heavens hungry offspring

Union of woman’s eternal essence and man’s creamy nectar

Delivered from a bountiful womb gathered

To a warm bosom from sweating black loins

Tender groping lips searching, pursuing Gods manna

Incessant, innocent, narcissistic, desires

Mama’s sweetness molded by masterful hands

Is life ready for you?

HE’S MUCH LIKE ME

He recalled a memory, a tragedy it’s true

His tender mind claimed the pain of guilt not his due

I had no concept, no thought, no clue

He held Kevin so close, so near, so dear

A silent, individual relationship

He’s kept it quiet, deep within

four years of sorrow

Something we never talked about

His pain I never knew

Had I known, it would have been grief shared

I loved him too!

His heart healed by the grace of God

He=s my son, who loved a mentor...big brother

I love him dearly

He’s much like me

OMAR RAAMSES BENNETT

Sanitary cubicle of dismal white

Bowels engorged by contraption of sterility and hanging tubes

A square electronic box with multiple rumblings

Each wave a sign pacing life’s throb

Singular face etched with worry

A prostrate form face wearied with exertion...22 hours

Brow tense with pain passed...and awaited

Stainless steel bars imprisoned her...the wait continues

Erratic lines on the graph warn of another

Hands hold hands, embrace to comfort, for strength

Words coax, the air rushes in

The intensity and velocity quicken, prelude to the wave of creation repeated

The discipline of class is tested

A He! He! He! He! He!

Failure eminent, pain overwhelms the discipline

Moans of anguish fill the room

Tears cascade the cheeks of the coach

Futility mark each tears path

Helplessness grips, and still the waves come

A God in heaven she’s a dear gentle soul, please spare her the torment that brings forth life

Still the waves come and take their toll

She’s left panting, thirsting, exhausted awaiting the next call

She yearns to push, she must push, yet the time isn’t right

Not yet...not now

At last the head crowns…the urge to push appeased

Sweat soaked, straining, the last vestige of ebbing strength summoned

The final battle for life begins again push my dearest…push!

Life to life...rest, gain strength for another Herculean effort…he’s fighting to live too

Where does the energy come from?

The well was exhausted, drained, submission obvious...yet a resurgence

Energy reserve tapped and the battle continues Calm for but a moment, then the rumbling

Then another wave of life, magnitude beyond measure

It engulfs the cubicle, resounding, surrounding, felt by all in the room

Save the life not yet born, but imminent...then calm

An earthquake...the room shakes

It sings accolades heralding he’s near

The earth trembles to announce his coming

No matter...it’s time!

Must push, his presence is almost here

A take her in, it’s time

More affirmation of he is near

Another room, lights, gadgets, mechanisms, contraptions, needles, sterile sanitation prevails

People garbed, masked as if to hide their intent

But he isn’t waiting, the rush to life too strong

The path is narrow, unknown, yet he falters not...nor hesitates

The coach is garbed like the others, drab pale green

His eyes alive, expectant...worried

A hurry, a rush, the preparation is too slow he’s coming! He’s coming!

The table resembles ancient relics of dismal torture racks and death chambers

Ironic is provides comfort to give life

Dull gray stirrups, threatening restraints

Oh! No time to ponder...he is coming

Thighs part glistening with perspiration

When first they opened it was to accept life

Through this portal life seeded deep

Nurtured long, the harvest is eminent

Now it gives light to life lived months in darkness

A push...push...push! He’s almost here!

I see it! Head glistening, long black tendrils slick with coming

Shoulders, chest, hips, legs---feet!

Miracle being---you have arrived

Earth shared your birth coming

She shook her being, cried in her travail

And the new life replied in one soft wail

Relax dear soul, the battle is won, victory is ours

Across your belly lies the renaissance of you and me

He is the love of our loving

The fruit of our loins

The destiny of our coupling, and our heritage

He is Omar

Dedicated to, and in honor of Vivian Yvonne Burgess, his beautiful mother, and my son born October 17, 1979 after 23 hours of labor.

IN HARM’S WAY

He went there for a reason

He was placed in the path of a child’s destiny

What he did is marked not by fan fare and applause

Only in the heart of a proud father, mother and friends

And by the grateful thank you of a mother

It was a night for celebration if marked freedom for our nation

The fourth of July lit the sky in Pleasanton

But it was less than pleasant

Shots rang out and rankled the summer night

Panic gripped the crowd that ducked and fled in abandoned flight

So too did the child’s mother leaving him to the night

His guardian angel too had found safety

Hid from the bullets screaming through the night

Then he spotted the child alone in harms way

People panicked passed him by, not pausing to wonder why

Not picking hip up, just dashing on by

The crying child stood in their way

Gunfire erupted in the midnight sky

Still no one stopped to pick up the child or wonder why

This baby stood in harms way, alone to cry

His guardian angel saw his plight

With no regard for himself rushed into the night

God bless the child who had him for an angel

Bullets searched the night air for flesh to tear

None touched the child crying, alone still standing there

His angel scooped him up and run for cover

They hid behind a booth away from the others

God bless the child who’s got his own

He carried this young life yet to be fulfilled

Raced toward the front gate, the police and safety

He heard the gunshots that gave flight to his feet

Swift and sure he danced, dodged and made his way

Until they were both safe and out of harms way

The reasons for who we are, where we go, what we do

Is known only to God, not me, and not you

He puts us on his own time, his own schedule, in his own plan

Aaah---God is good, he’s never late, and never overdue

Shapes us in his mind, by his own hand

He put Omar there to save the day

To glorify his name in the saving of the baby

He marked this day with pride for me his dad

Long ago put courage in the heart of my son

Used him to save a child from man’s foolishness---and a gun

Set a path from which I hope he’ll never stray

If he follows it, God will never leave or forsake him in harms way

God blesses the father in the sons

And too the daughter, if there is one

I give thanks for the angels camped about mine

Pray they never leave and will always pray

Please dear Lord keep them from harms way

Dedicated to Omar Bennett, my son, who without regard for himself rescued a child from danger

when gun fire erupted at a 4^th of July 1998 celebration in Pleasanton, California

MY WARRIOR, MY SON, MY HERO

(Shakari Hakeem Bennett)

He was challenged and stood his ground

He was loved and he was strengthened

Satan sought his life at the age of two

But God had other plans he wanted the baby warrior,

To become a warrior man

A score and one year later---cancer

Another evil spawned in Satan’s bowels

My warrior my son again met the challenge with all his might

Stood tall, stood his ground and dug in for the fight

Sustained by his faith in the Lord Jesus, empowered by his belief in God

He embraced family, friends and the children he loved, and nurtured

He enjoyed the vibrancy of their youth, the innocence of their being

He decided to help them grow, be their advocate…their protector

Help them be the best they could be---which made him the best he was

Compassionate because he is Shakari AKA “Shak”

A blessed because he is a child of God

A gift because he was given to me...for awhile

He was inspired by the need to protect all

A shield against the pain, unhappiness of this world

Armor, a sword if need be, a friend without conditions---especially for the children

Willing to sacrifice, stand in the breach between life and death

Or stand at your side facing darkness, and if required---even pay the ultimate price

Dedicated to a higher code I came to understand

Driven by the engine of his gentle heart, and the soul of his convictions

You dare not harm innocence in his presence

Lest you suffer hi s sincere wrath

This tall well-built soul of African heraldry

Warrior descendant of the original people

Face handsomely designed, each smile of promise of hope

His flash of ivory awakened the sun with its brilliance enriched the moon a 100 fold

His eyes sparkling windows of joy shared

His laughter a strong throaty song to the essence of life

Shakari and his brother Omar in chorus was a concert of brotherhood

A symphony of soul and rhythm that quickened and warmed my heart

Each boisterous cascade of their mirth filled our home---made it a home

The happiness of their voices brought me to tears

And I was reminded me daily of my renewed blessings

My mind won’t forget, can’t forget

My ears long to hear it again

My heart is missing a part of me, longs for the duet of their twin songs

My eyes ache to see the---us

My arms need to hold him---to hug him tight

God chose me to be their father and we became “Us Three the Bennett Boys”

Shakari is the essence of the poem Dignified Animal

Written in time past, before my son was---he is that man

Proud of his black heritage, but not forgetting we are all Gods creation

Eyes dark, inquisitive, sensitive windows to his soul of light

A reflective path to his wonderful heart that harbored no true ill---except for Satan

Twenty-three years a young man becoming more, his life he was willing to give

“Dad I have no trouble laying down my life for anybody, especially children, but this cancer scares me. I can’t quit. Every day I wake up is a reason to continue to fight.”

He didn’t complain about what had befallen him

Fear stalked but could not overcome him

He remembered, “Christ in you, the hope of glory.”

“Greater is he that is in me, then he that is in the world

He preferred to share in the happiness of others

Making others laugh or partaking in their sorrow

He knew that grief shared is half, and happiness shared is doubled

Shak was a warrior

A gentle soul and too a man

Part of what made me become one

My son---I miss him

Cancer claimed his body, but not who he truly is…a spirit

Only his flesh fell, but he was not defeated

That can only happen if one doesn’t fight

The prince of darkness only succeeded in clearing quicker the to paradise

This mortal war claimed him, but heaven is his reward

Victory is yours my son, you are with Jesus

Satan was defeated before you were born over two millennia hence

His destiny is an eternity of suffering in torment

Yours of happiness and joy blessing and praising the Lord

His the lake of fire that has already claimed him

Yours the glory of the light of God

His anguish marked by the wailing and gnashing of his teeth

His hell is the eternal knowledge that he is forever lost from God

I try to remember that I will see my son again

Hear his words telling me he is happy in heaven

Remember that he was God’s, and is God’s

Given to me for a season, but there is more than a season of pain

How can I soothe the pain of loss of this one?

He is my warrior, my son

I cannot---I don’t know how

God will have to do it,

I have little strength against a broken heart

I don’t want to let my son down

I love him he is my hero, My Warrior---My son!

Little brown man, fast as you can, make me a man with your smile!

Born May 15, 1981 went home to the Father in heaven Sunset March 4, 2005

EVERY TIME I SEE A BABY

Whenever I see one, my hopes are renewed

Whenever I see on smile, life springs anew

Whenever one laughs, the soul of its innocence is revealed

Whenever on speaks, the future has another voice

Whenever another is born, the reality of God is assured

Will history proclaim and record this nation did ignore

Didn’t heed and answer the call, and save the lives of the unborn

In our pleasure we give seed, conceive, think of naught but ecstasy

In the womb grows tomorrow, our dreams, our legacies

Dare we ask this new life about its dreams, its hopes, its plans

The answer confirms that it is, therefore cannot be destroyed

Womb! Will this sanctuary also be its final resting place

A warm liquid tomb from which it emerges dead

Partially dead, not knowing it will be killed just because

Will this life get to imagine, fantasize, hope, conceive, realize

Be assured of many years and a thousand more lives

Posterity will proclaim our bravery or shame

Did we forget once we were the life within?

Forget love overcame choice, gave us a chance to raise our voice

Your I and me is now us and we

Can you kill part of you and be happy about that death?

Don’t lie to the future, make dark that which is bright

And continue to murder the babies, call it a woman’s right!

MY CHILDREN’S MOTHER

I believe she’s the best

The worst has taught me the difference

Her beauty of spirit beyond depth

Matched only by her warmth, her heart

She compares to none I’ve known

Those I’ve known are of shaded hue

Her love for life is unquestioned

Her love for me is true

Gentleness is her marquis

A softness, I have little known

Each caress she gives is love

Her smile answers the sun

Eyes that capture starlight

Moons envy their sparkle

Diamonds pale by comparison

My heart their helpless prey

Care deeply, but I cannot love...what of past pain

Love deeply, but caring is more secure

My captivity to pleasant to resist...

Feigned, yet earnest because I want her...but my heart is scared

To harm her is life’s crime

To leave is pain, yet I can’t stay

Which direction is mine?

What price we both pay?

MOTHERHOOD

Motherhood, it’s understood to be a special kind of thing

Nurturing ways inborn indeed

The sweet warmth of her smile, medicine to the soul of new life

Her giving breasts suckle life, her arms a safe haven

Her kiss soothes the hurts, and troubled spirits fade

Maternal fire flashes in fierce defense

Protective rage unparalleled, guards for infants innocence

Fury abates only when safety is assured

Carrier of life to be, the future she nurses to maturity

Cradles man’s destiny in her embrace

Touches all humanity, enriches it with her being

Without her life’s opera is absent the lead role

And man’s seed falls barren to the earth

This world’s stage would be a show without a star

The wisdom of God is revealed in his choice

If you have doubts about his design of the female so fine

Watch your child be born, look, see and understand

He named her mother of mankind

SHE WAS CHOSEN

I remember love with pain that felt insane

I remember bitter sweetness with regret

I remember happiness with hopelessness, inspiration and fears

I remember joy and sadness that we met

I yearned for us two, as one

Our future to herald a daughter or son

I saw that dream disappear

We grew apart with each passing year

I felt the yearning of the heart fade

Decline in the love we made

Hope still there, praying we’d be one within love

Mated for all time in my love thou art

Next to my soul, captured in my mind

As close as my spirit, caressed in my heart

Time told me that wasn’t to be

My total commitment to you, was your lack of the same to me

You told me so, as if I didn’t already know

Had you loved me at least as much as you loved yourself

Showed it half as much as I needed

We would have survived the fall

Could have helped each other up to our knee’s

Our love, our marriage, our life would have succeeded

SHE MADE THAT HOUSE A HOME

(Dedicated to Grandmother Viola Barnes Shackelford)

Chef, baker...the kitchen hummed with aromas of her delights

Treats to tweak the pallet, tantalize the taste buds...just plain good

Down home gourmet food to warm you through the night

Can’t wait ‘til tomorrow, any leftovers?

Steak so tender it fell off the bone

Chicken so tender, you’d never know it had once flown

Tacos, enchiladas and more Mexican dishes that rivaled Mexican gourmets

Chili Texas home style, sweet corn on the cob, corn without the cob, hominy corn

Creamy mash potatoes garlic flavored fine, brown gravy, ham, tenderloin, fork needed only roast beef, meatloaf just too good eat---did, chicken and dumplings, ‘ghetti’s (spaghetti), home grown snap peas, sweet peas, black eyed peas, pinto beans, yams, outstanding okra?

I don’t know I didn’t like it .

Shall I describe breakfast? Naw, I don’t want to blow your mind if you’re white, or make you drool if you’re black, and if you’re brown you’ll smile not frown.

Grits creamed, sugared and lightly salted, grilled onions cheese eggs, pancakes, waffles, our kindof French toast, honey butter biscuits. Sausage, tenderloin, ham, pork chops, steak, ground brown, beef, bell peppers, onions or just flavored with brown gravy

Dessert---heavens own apple pie in butter crust, sweet potato pie, White Potatoe Pie,pineapplepie, banana cream pie, lemon meringue, strawberry, and home grown peaches for homemadepeach cobbler beyond description. Tea cakes, apple turnovers---ooh I’ve got to stop, I’m getting hungraaaay!

Koolaid! Koolaid! Koolaid! She used to hide it, but I used my nose to find it

Imagination unlimited, why didn’t this woman open a soul food eats?

I’m sorry, I know why---family was first with you!

A slender frame packed with energy, took good care of the whole family

Queen of the manor, a fit woman for her spouse

Said everything had its place, insisted on a clean house

So warm was she, so gentle, so strong

She could get me to do anything with a word

Showed me right from wrong, she had taught my mother too

She gave her girls skills I had the best of both worlds

You see one of the ladies she bore was the mother of me

She loved us all, but was special you see

Mom’s strength flowed from her, and right into me

Wisdom, insight, even clairvoyance on occasion I’d see

Her prayers bolstered my life, made a warrior out of this man to be

I know those prayers worked ‘cause as a sophomore I played football

First string, high school varsity

If sickness fell on me heavy, In no time her old home remedies cured me

Boy, some of that stuff was nasty---yeek do you remember Castor Oil?

Ah! What the heck, it worked (I’m saying that now, but not then)

Oh, by the way, her wisdom helped save my left leg!

She gave to all a strong love, gentle smile, hospitality and herself without reservation

If we had more like her, we could rebuild this nation

Living, not just claiming to be founded on Gods word

The Lords faithful servant, mother, lover and tireless friend

I’ll be filled with love and pride when I see her again in heaven

Love those sweet potato pies Grandma!

DAWN TO DUSK

(Dedicated to Grandfather Willie W. Shackelford)

He looked like a clown in dusty make up weary with fatigue

He sighed heavy as he exited the Buick Road Master or truck he took to work

A man in his sixties, then seventies lines of wisdom crusted with dirt

Weary with fatigue from the challenge of the fields he manned each 12-15 hours each day

Sometimes afoot, more often guiding a machine monster up and down endless rows

Sometime barley, sometimes cotton, it all added to his twelve to sixteen hour day

Triple digit temperatures scorched his summers, bone-chilling winters tested him

Not once did he falter, the metal of him bore well the task of being a father, and man

So covered with dirt he, and his hat weren’t allowed in the house

I can still hear grandma, “leave that dust outside Pete. Leave alone, let it be”

Those words meant something to them

But nothing to the child that was me

He was a proud black man who took care of his family…his own

He was the antithesis of some today

Father of eight, he toiled from the shadows of daybreak to the darkness of sun down

Tired he’d be, yet grandma could soothe his tired muscles, eased his worried mind

She kept a clean house, fed her man, loved her man, and for his spirit she did pray “Take a bath Pete she’d say,” dinner will be on the table and ready to eat.”

Why she called him Pete I could never fathom, but there was love in her voice

A nickname born of love I guess, Lord knows she had plenty for him

The sound was sweet I guess that’s all that mattered

Oh by the way that’s not the name to which he was born

It’s Shackelford, Willie Warren

Mom pushed me toward this grand old man

He was the father figure I never had

I learned about hard work, how to be a man, and husband when the time came

I had no father to teach me, yet I was taught, I learned from his example

As a dad of one and seven he claimed it an honor, “privilege” he’d said

He took care of his family, loved, clothed and kept them fed

And too no man did he bow his head…only God

He bore this burden well, day after day, year after year, mile after mile

Somehow he always managed a charming laugh and awesome smile

It’s a mystery to me how he climbed from the warmth of his bed

Face the cold of each morning, and the day after that

He’d still had time for me and our favorite cartoons…when he had the time

Top Cat, Flintstones, Mighty Mouse, Huckleberry Hound, Quick Draw McGraw, Underdog,

Augie Doggy, Doggy Daddy, Rocky and Bullwinkle, even the 3 Stoogies

At night it was The Jetsons, The Flintstones, Perry Mason, The Twilight Zone,

Sugar Foot, Bronco Lane, Rawhide, Wyatt Earp, Track Down, Cheyenne, Wanted Dead or Alive, Colt 45, Gunsmoke, Bonanza, Maverick, Have Gun Will Travel, Lawman, Disney, Zorro and more…

Our laughter filled the house---his laughter warmed my heart

Beloved grandfather dad, then, today and forever

He worked hard as a man, husband, father, and to God he did pray

He gave meaning to the word manhood, defined it, made it a must

This man called Willie, Pete, grandfather, born a hero from dust

The patriarch of our family, who worked from dawn ‘til dusk

Do you have memories like this too?

BABY BLOO

Almost was, but isn’t

yet the possibility intrigues the mind

But things need be right for Baby Bloo’s sake

there’s so much to plan for, so much at stake

Things need be right for Baby Bloo’s sake

The home should be replete with love

full of merriment, warmth, and laughter

Happiness must be, will be

All the todays, the tomorrows, and the day after

You would have been a blessed little daughter or son

Your mother could have been Lady Bloomington

There was sadness at the loss of who you could have been

Tear for what might have been true

A lovely daughter, or handsome son of two who created one

The best of whom

The Lady Bloomington

GUARDIAN ANGEL

Surrogate mom, friend, counselor

there for my every need, even when I didn’t have one

At my side after my mother, her sister died

gave me love, hop, and a sense of pride

Helped mom make a man of me, her wisdom guided me

took me from boy into young manhood, to grown fold

Steadied my shaky legs, taught me to walk with dignity

I faced the reality of mom’s death

My guardian angel shown her beacon, guided homeward this aimless soul

my Aunt Rachel…no, she was more than that to the man I am

My foundation faltered, my legs needed to stand the challenge of life to be

she anchored my essence, directed my gaze to the heaven, and the Father

She fed the needs of my body, told me he could feed my soul and spirit

it comforts my heart to know she stands beside my mom…her sister

I am still bound to her heart, her warmth, her love

she was, when mom was no more

She helped me not to see the death of her sister…my mother

I listened to her voice, it kept me alive, helped me be a man

She is Aunt Rachel, my mother’s sister, surrogate mom…and much, much, more!

BIG BROTHER/DAD

(In memory of Warren Shackelford)

As far back as I can remember I had him as a friend

January to December years had turned gray with time

Before I realized this friend of mine was my uncle

my Big Brother Dad

He taught me to run, and have fun

tutored me in chess

Encouraged me when I made chess a mess

‘till one day, our fifty third game, I beat him!

Victory was sweet, but then I was always a winner when he was around

he taught me to defend myself, stand my ground and strive to win

He was a Marine, he disciplined me, then taught me self-discipline

he loved me like a father, when I had none

He loved me enough to give me part of his spirit

it sustained me when I thought of that dad I didn’t have

Gave me all that he had, and found ways to give more

he was my friend, my counselor, my hero

He was more of a dad, than the one I never had

My Big Brother Dad!

Taught me to track, hunt and use a gun

he was United States Marine, and expert rifleman

I saw him hit a running jackrabbit at over two hundred yards

With a 22---yes it’s true I saw the jack flip and fall…I was there

That dark night became darker

I saw my grandfather, a tall strong man, a proud man, bend and fall

It was the night we got that tragic call

death had claimed my uncle, another son…the baby of three

BIG BROTHER DAD

My friend, my counselor, my hero, my companion, my brother…my dad

a courageous soul, father, Marine, hero…man

I could no longer stand in his awesome shadow and be safe

wrestle, tussle or just hold his strong hand

Then there was the horror of horror I dreamed

no…I was there, I didn’t feel it, but I saw his end

A dream so real, surreal, I could feel the fire…the flames lick his body

a dream so real I couldn’t help but feel

I torment that would drive a normal man insane

a Good Samaritan, a man I never knew, never got to thank him

his bravery I did see, from the burning wreck my Big Brother Dad

From the torturing flames, fiery metal and debris

He pulled him free, and some how in my dream I could see

I could only stand and watch

scream in silence as this dark drama unfolded

I couldn’t even cry for my mother to hold me

Decades haven’t dulled the memory of my love for this man

prayers that I’ll see him with Jesus at Heavens Gate

He is to me a man among men

the best of the best, he couldn’t want me to be sad

My Uncle Warren Shackelford---my Big Brother Dad

INSIGHT FOR SURVIVAL

A beautiful black lady with chiming laughter, flashing eyes and

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