Bedtime Yarns
By Cavin Wright
Published by Raider Publishing International at Smashwords
Copyright 2010 by Cavin Wright
Smashwords Edition
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For my son Dane
Contents
The Lady at the Pool
I raised my eyes and she was there—
An angel of the morning light;
Of body bronzed and sun-kissed hair.
A vision at the pool.
I spoke to her; she answered me,
And oh, her smile gave such delight
And thus I thought of spirit free
And running waters cool.
How could I know about her pain…
So buried out of human sight?
Or that the loss would be my gain?
Or was I just a fool?
She dined with me, we shared our minds
Enchanted, prayed for, magic night.
One of life’s ecstatic finds:
My lady of the pool.
We danced the water, she and I.
We danced in thought; I held her tight.
We danced the hours ’til dawn was night,
Her flesh so silken cool.
She’s gone from me— light years away…
My heart and mind and logic fight:
Will she come back to me to stay…
Or am I just a fool?
Running Scared
Dragonfly moonbeams I’ll bring to you
Fairy-cake mountains of indigo blue
Pop-up pianos and pitchers of dew
And I’ll also bring to you my heart.
He had no idea where he was.
Equally disturbing, he had no conception of how he had got there.
He was just there.
And this woman was with him; this stranger.
She was incredibly attractive— no doubt about that.
But who was she? And why did she seem so interested in him?
It wasn’t as if he was remarkable at all. Just an average sort of Joe, he had always thought.
Not even average— the deep scar on his cheek, a legacy of a shrapnel wound during his tour of duty in Afghanistan— had left his eye markedly bulging; unappealing to even the least discriminating female, surely?
So why was she so openly flirting with him?
Not that he minded in the least; it was very welcome after the many years he had been on his own.
But it was all so… surreal, somehow…
“Would you like something to drink?” she asked. “I’m sorry! I don’t know your name… Isn’t that funny?” She ended with a lovely feminine chuckle. “What is your name? I’m Zenobia.”
He smiled at the beautiful girl. “That’s an enchanting name. I’m Shane.” Then, after a moment, he added, “Shane Curtain. What is this place? Where are we?” He looked at the vast, mansion-like façade before them.
The stranger ignored his queries, drawing him down next to her on the bench, indicating the tray of tea, coffee, sandwiches and biscuits set on the ornate wrought iron table.
The sunshine, filtered by the vine growth over the pergola, fell across the patio in dappled patches of light and shade. In the full glare of day, he realised, it would be hot, but where they now sat, it was pleasantly ambient, a slight breeze cooling them.
Shane momentarily considered asking for clarification on his whereabouts again, but was distracted by the girl’s hand on his shoulder. He felt the gentle touch through the denim of his shirt, and wondered at his reaction to it. Something like a mild electric shock shivered down his arm and into his chest.
Hey, little Zen! Careful! Unless you fancy being molested amongst the teacups and anchovy tasties!
He drew in a breath and busied himself pouring for both of them. “Quite a spread!” He smiled at her, passing a cup. “Sugar?”
She gave a slight shake of her golden hair and selected a chocolate biscuit.
He watched the perfect white teeth sink into it, the crumbs from the inner core exploding like a tiny fountain against her moist lips before magically disappearing as her mouth closed over the morsel. She was glancing towards the sky, and her eyes seemed for the instant filled with sunlight, her hair falling across her forehead in a silken curtain. There was a curious scar on her right temple, which added to her appeal, rather than detracted from it. Shane thought he had never seen anyone so alluring in his life. She certainly was a looker.
But who was she? And what was he doing here? Was this some crazy dream? Some wonderful dream? Shane wasn’t used to sweet dreams. Nightmares were more his style. Not surprising after what he’d seen in Helmund Province, he supposed. Not really…
“Do you live here, Zenobia?” Shane asked. “Your family…?”
She gave a short, derisive laugh. “No, of course not!”
Of course not? It had seemed to him a pretty reasonable question, actually. Why would she be offering him refreshments if she was a visitor? She seemed right at home here. Oh well, obviously he had the wrong end of the stick… So who the hell was she, then? And where the hell were they?
An overwhelming sense of unreality gripped him, and the panic he had sensed many times, in the early moments of a battle contact, assailed him. He looked at her in confusion, but her cool serenity and disarming smile soon overcame any notion that she felt any antagonism towards his query.
And indeed, a moment later, she was doing the unthinkable. She had leant towards him, her arm going around his neck, her face close to his, her breath warm on his cheek… and they were kissing.
It took him moments to realise the full impact of the bizarre situation. Here he was, in a place that was completely alien to him, unaware of just how or why he had come to be there… kissing a total stranger— but oh— did it not feel so good?
Revelling in the moment— lost in the moist softness of her femininity— Shane surrendered himself to her embrace. What an unfamiliar, yet amazingly reminiscent and remembered intimacy this was! This was Adam and Eve prior to the fall. Samson and Delilah before the final betrayal. Awed by his good fortune, he found himself exploring her lithe form with eager hands, groping in half-remembered gestures. How long had it been? An eternity. A veritable eon since he’d held a woman this way.
Their mouths parted, their breath coming in short, sharp gasps, their eyes locked in an embrace to match their physical bonding. She was smiling gently, an almost palpable knowing?— in her gaze. Now why had he thought that, he wondered.
What did that mean?
Was he being wise here?
Was she after something from him?
He was a freak, almost— an ogre, with his bulging eye and ravaged face. Did it make sense a sex kitten like this should… actually like him; want him?
Something was wrong here.
Everything was wrong here. The place; the situation; the improbability of it all, damn it!
Shane wrenched his eyes from hers and studied the mausoleum-like building in front of them.
Stark. Stolid. Forbidding.
Surreal.
That was the word that best described this place, this girl, this crazy scenario… surreal.
It had to be a dream.
Had to be…
Yet the sweet taste of her mouth seemed real enough. The afterglow of their half-spent lust seemed real enough. So did the tea spread, and the hardness of the bench under his buttocks. They all seemed real enough…
“Kiss me again, Shane Curtain!” she whispered into his ear.
As she opened her mouth to his, an almost inaudible sigh of pleasure escaped as their eager tongues met.
* * *
He awoke to the feather comfort of the huge bed.
It was near dawn, for the sky beyond the window sashes was purple-orange glowing with faint light.
Shane half recalled their night of love; half remembered the exquisite passion, the delight of their shared ecstasy.
However, he did not have time to dwell on it, or savour its wonder.
Something was happening… something unpleasant.
Zenobia was kneeling on the mattress next to him, carefully working… on him!
The scalpel glinted once in the half-light as she made another incision— in his chest, he realised, with shocked wonder.
What on earth was she trying to do?
With the reactions of a trained militiaman, he grabbed her wrist and twisted it hard, watching the cruel instrument fall from her grasp as she cried out in pain. He knew that had he not woken up with such alacrity, she might have inflicted more damage than she had. As it was, the V-shaped slash she had already achieved was bleeding copiously onto the starched white bed linen.
“What the bloody hell…?” he snarled at her, his grip on her wrist threatening to snap the delicate bones. Shane gestured despairingly at his wound. “What the hell is this? Are you completely nuts?”
Zenobia met his eyes without wavering. “I was putting my mark on you. Like a brand.”
“Brand! Bloody hell, woman! Do you think I’m a bull, or something?”
She gave a small laugh. “You certainly could be!” she stated with meaning. “It’s just a little star!”
“A… Yeah, and I bet it’s a five-pointed one!” he spat.
Staunching the blood flow with a pillow, he glared up at her, trying to avoid the immediate vista of bare, heaving breasts. “Well, you can keep your star brands to yourself, lady! I’m not up for ownership— by anybody!” He lunged out of bed and sought his scants and trousers in the dishevelled tangle of clothes on the floor, awkwardly pressing the stained pillow to his damaged flesh.
“I’m out of here!” He fumed as he dressed. “Which way is the exit?”
She smiled at him; a broader, more confident one this time.
“There isn’t one,” she told him flatly. “No exit.”
“Oh balls! There has to be! You are nuts, lady. Looney-tuned stark raving!”
Her face darkened. “Yeah? Is that right? We’ll see.”
She got off the bed and left the room, her delicious naked buttocks swaying seductively.
* * *
Zenobia returned just as he finished dressing.
In her double grip was 9mm pistol.
She pointed it at him and released the safety catch.
Instinctively, Shane dived behind the bed, just as the weapon roared out its opening salvo. A chunk of wall plaster near his head detached itself and showered particles into his hair.
“Shit! Woman! Are you insane?”
Blam!
The mattress edge at his waist level parted and the shot slammed into the wall behind him.
He saw her moving around the end of the bed to get a clear shot.
Using all his strength, he pulled the mattress off the bed and covered himself, his feet braced against it as he rolled onto his back.
Blam!
The mattress shook in his grasp, and he wondered if he had been hit. The bitch!
Shane straightened his knees, launching the mattress upward and towards where he knew she should be standing. He followed immediately, rolling expertly to his feet and thrusting forward at her with all his might.
Zenobia fell backwards under the combined force of man and mattress, and Shane wrested the gun from her grasp, quickly ejecting the chamber round and jettisoning the rounds from the magazine. He placed them in separate pockets of his jacket and slapped the woman hard across her face twice.
She winced, but did not cry out, and it was at that moment that the full impact of his peril sank home.
This bitch is lethal, he told himself. Let me get the hell away from her!
Shane wrenched the bedroom door open, stepped into the passage, and slammed the door behind him, searching in vain for a key. There was, however, a huge Dutch dresser in the hallway, and he shoved it across the doorway. The door itself opened inwards, so Zenobia wouldn’t battle to open it. But the dresser might cause her enough delay so he could get far away from her if she decided to follow him.
Turning, he almost ran down the long corridor.
At its end, there was a T-junction, with two more walkways going off to the left and right. The right-hand one seemed shorter, and there was a door at its end. He chose that, because perhaps the door could be locked from the other side, and that would give his erstwhile lover another barrier to get through.
With a huge sense of relief, he found this to be the case, and carefully locking the door after entering it, he turned to discover what lay ahead.
The room was massive, obviously some kind of grand parlour, for it contained couches and sofas and easy chairs, with heavily embossed side stools and a central coffee table on a plush oriental rug. There was seating here for at least two dozen people. How the other half lived!
There were four more doors leading off this chamber, all closed. Trying the closest one, Shane discovered it was locked. The second was a cloak cupboard. The third led to a dining area with no other doors. He checked the windows, but they were heavily barred, just as those of the bedroom had been. Evidently whoever owned this God-forsaken place was big on security.
Strangely, there didn’t seem to be much of a view from either the lounge or dining room windows, either. Just heavily packed nondescript vegetation, a few feet away from each sill. Shane would hate to live in such a place. Windows, surely, were there to provide a view, and fresh air. The outside plant growth was so tall he couldn’t see the sky, and it seemed to negate the passage of fresh air completely. What a hole!
The fourth door of the lounge opened onto another anteroom with three more doors of its own. But when Shane opened the first one, he discovered the other side had been bricked up. He stared at the bare bricks for a moment, before pushing against the wall with one hand. It was solid. He shut the door and tried the next. Same story.
“Well, I guess that just leaves you,” he told the third door, at once feeling foolish, but at the same time anxious, because, if this one was also blocked, he would have no alternative but to retrace his steps. And backtracking meant ever closer to Zenobia the Amazon. And he wanted that like he wanted a hole in the head.
Slowly, he eased the third door ajar.
An amazing sight greeted him— a vast indoor swimming pool area, complete with sunroof, spacious patio with recliners, a smorgasbord, sauna, full-sized snooker table, table tennis, volleyball court, surround sound stereo, giant-screen television, bar, massage tables, even a squash court in one corner. The pool itself must have been fifty metres long and twenty-five wide— a veritable monster as far as private pools went.
A stairway led off to one side, discreetly signposted ‘East Wing Suites’— the VIP bedrooms, no doubt. But Shane had no inclination to explore the upper floors. The sooner he found an exit on this ground floor level, the better he’d like it.
There isn’t one. No exit.
Zenobia’s words echoed in his ears. He forced the thought out of his mind.
East Wing— didn’t that infer an end of the building? If there was an end, there must be an exit… mustn’t there?
Shane tried to visualise the east wing. It must run to the far end of the pool, surely?
With some sense of purpose at last, he strode swiftly along the pool’s edge and looked for doorways in the wall at the end of the enormous hall.
There was just a reinforced glass wall; smoked glass, so he had no idea what was on the other side of it. He considered trying to smash his way through with one of the chairs, but he guessed there must be some sort of alarm system, and he didn’t want to draw attention to himself.
No, he had to use caution. He looked for any sign of sliding doors on the outer edge of the pool, but it was flanked by a decorative wall for its entire length. The skylights, it seemed, were the only means of natural illumination.
And there was precious little of that, reflected Shane morosely. It must be overcast outside, he assumed, because he realised he was in semi-darkness. In fact, when he thought back, most of his journey through this morgue had been negotiated in a gloomy half light, penetrating the barred windows through the dense vegetation outside. It was a depressing and dismal building, and so far, he hadn’t seen an electric light burning anywhere.
He shivered, and turned to inspect the other side of the pool, where he had read the sign on the staircase. Surely there would be an entranceway there.
However, his peripheral vision caught a movement on the pool’s surface, and he wheeled back to see what it was.
Zenobia was floating on her back. She was naked, and she smiled up at him as her golden hair fanned out around her face.
Aghast, Shane staggered back against a recliner, half tripping, and, by the time he had recovered his balance, the pool was empty.
You are a wonderful lover, Shane Curtain!
“Yeah, right.” That’s why you carved up my chest and took pot shots at me, right?
Where the hell has she gone?
No! I was imagining it! Look! Nothing there. Just your imagination, Curtain. Get on with the job, man!
He turned back to the wall, moving swiftly along it, until he found… a door!
Yes! He shoved it open and stepped through, slamming it behind him, hoping for a key, but finding none. He discovered a massive kitchen, with ranges in the centre, and enough workspace and pots and pans hanging from hooks to cater to a baronial feast. There were ranks of fluorescent ceiling lights, but they were unlit, and the room was as bleak as any he had encountered so far. It was eerie, reminding him of a morgue readied for the next autopsy.
Shane moved to a doorway at the far side, and went into a wide access chamber with no windows. It was so dark that he could scarcely see, but he reasoned that a kitchen was generally situated on the outer edge of a building, and pushed eagerly ahead, searching for a possible garden exit.
The only other door led into a mirrored passage. Filtered artificial light cast a glow, which reflected cosily back from the smoky art décor glass. A plush red carpet muffled his footfalls, and Shane held to the hope he had discovered one of the outside entrances to the house. Why else would there be a red carpet?
But suddenly he stopped, confused. He had seen someone— further down the passage. Then he gave a low laugh. It was a reflection of himself, surely? He moved to the right and then the left, and sure enough, the stranger mimicked him. Shane strode forward to make sure, and his double came obediently towards him, until they were close enough to shake hands.
He was now at a T-junction, with a similar passage cutting across his. He had seen his image in the far wall of this new walkway.
Off to his right, something else caught his attention.
Another movement.
This one definitely wasn’t his reflection.
* * *
Zenobia!
No! Not possible!
But it was her.
Still naked, a small smile playing at the corners of her lovely lips, she was watching him… just watching him. She must have been about fifteen metres away, indistinct in the multi-reflecting surfaces of the junction.
“Come and play with me, Shane Curtain.”
Her voice!
He turned away from her, staggering in the opposite direction, glancing frantically over his shoulder towards where he had seen her.
But she was gone again.
Yet another passage joined the one he was now in. He tried to orient himself, guessing which way to go; edging towards what he considered the outer walls of this crazy building. He turned into the left fork, and wished he could get away from the endlessly reflected images of himself, marching with him on both sides like a manic army. Trying not to notice his silent companions, he moved forward at a fast pace.
Before he knew it, he was surrounded.
Surrounded by thousands of his own likeness. Seemingly millions of them…
He was so shocked that he inadvertently cried out. Then he realised what had happened. He had walked into a well-lit, round hall, completely lined with mirrors. And he was seeing himself reflected ad infinitum… ad nauseam.
Every time he made a move, the multitude moved with him. He stepped forward slightly and twisted on his heel, watching in fascination and dread at the pirouetting puppets.
And then he let out a solid curse.
What an imbecilic thing to do! He had now lost the entrance to the passage he had emerged from. He looked around like a helpless child. What if this was a maze? What if he was trapped in here?
There isn’t one. No exit.
“Oh God, no!” he whispered. “Please, God! Let me think clearly!”
* * *
He had found his way out of the mind-bending place by the simple expedient of keeping his left hand on the wall as he walked— half ran— taking each left hand turn that he came to. And after an eternity, he emerged into a greenhouse.
Once, during that frantic flight from his million selves, he had imagined he had spotted Zenobia’s magnificently reflected body. She had been wide mouthed, laughing openly at his seemingly vain efforts to free himself from the grip of the maze.
There is… no exit…
But there had been, hadn’t there? Here he was in the greenhouse, which must surely be either detached from the Hell-house itself, or an outer annex, from which there would certainly be an exit to the garden. There had to be…
And there it was!
It was locked tight, but that wasn’t going to stop the desperate man now.
He picked up a spade from a rack nearby and smashed the glass of the doorway until he could squeeze his way out.
The sweet, sweet aroma of the outside air arrested him, and he gulped down huge lungfuls of the stuff, before moving forward into the high undergrowth flanking the greenhouse. It was like the Brazilian jungle; thick and fecund and damp.
But it thinned out after about twenty metres, and he discovered a wide patio with a Japanese pagoda standing like a private shrine at its centre. There were birdcages hanging from the pointed protrusions of the pagoda roof, and Shane glanced curiously at them. There were live birds in each ornate cage, but he had never seen any of the type. Similar in size and shape to a small parakeet, there was yet something strange and sinister about their faces. They had parrot-like beaks, but their visages were leonine, fierce and aggressive.
As he got within a metre or so of the closest cage, the four or five avians ensconced there glared at him with what seemed pure venom. He was about to turn away and continue his escape from this insane property, when he saw the biggest lion-faced parrot puff itself up and give out what Shane could have sworn was a lioness roar— not as loud, naturally, but the same kind of deep-throated, chuffing snarl.
Feeling foolish, yet not unafraid of the birds’ projected hatred, he stumbled hastily away, leaving the patio area and heading across an adjoining field with untended grass, which reached his knees.
There was an occasional tree in the meadow, and a grove of weeping willows some two hundred metres away. He guessed there could be a river or stream there— hopefully the boundary of this patch of Hades.
As he was about to begin relaxing somewhat, Shane suddenly heard a rushing sound right next to his head, and immediately felt a sharp sting on his cheek. He caught a fleeting glimpse of one of the strange parakeets, shooting back into the air above him, and away again, in the direction of the mansion. He put his right palm to his face and drew it away smeared with bright crimson blood.
“Bastard!” he screamed ineffectually after his attacker, and brushed at the torrent with his shoulder, noting the dark smudge on his shirt. “Shit!” he muttered, and started on his way again.
Moments later, the bird came back— no, this one had more yellow in him— and as Shane ducked to avoid him, he felt another sharp stab, this time on his right forearm. For a crazy second, he saw the deep gash, almost down to the bone, white and fresh, before the blood welled up in it and actually spurted out of the wound, staining his khaki longs.
Not wasting his breath on profanities this time, Shane headed for the trees, hoping to gain the stream, if it existed, before any more of the birds escaped their confines. Was someone letting them out? Zenobia?
The vicious pecks were certainly painful. And he couldn’t believe how much blood was coming out.
He endured three more attacks before he gained the grove of willow trees. One of the curved scimitar beaks had ripped a slash in his neck, which simply gushed a stream of vermillion, and Shane found himself pressing his hand hard against it, hoping it wasn’t a main vessel— the jugular, perhaps.
* * *
It was a stream whose banks the willows caressed.
But the sight that met Shane’s expectant gaze as he reached the water was anything, but comforting.
Oh yes, this might well be the property’s border all right— in fact, it seemed evident. Yet, it was the boundary wall on the far side of the watercourse that filled him with trepidation. It must have been fifteen feet tall— and it was topped with metal sharks’ teeth-type spikes. Whatever was on this piece of land was evidently meant to stay here.
Shane stopped dead, crestfallen. He leant his weight against one of the willow trunks and lit a cigarette.
No exit!
Damn that bitch Zenobia! Perhaps she had been right after all.
* * *
As he crushed the butt of his cigarette beneath his boot heel, there was an excited chattering above his head.
The following moment, he was enveloped in lithe, excited bodies.
Hairy bodies, with sharp, gnashing teeth.
Monkeys.
They were swarming all over him, screaming in frantic agitation, biting him whenever they got near enough to his flesh.
They’re going to kill me, he thought despairingly. But then he began to fight back; punching and kicking and tearing with his nails and even his teeth; biting down into furry flesh and shaking his head like an infuriated hound.
At last the whole band retreated back into the tree, still chattering in their fury, but subdued by the superior strength and vitriol of their erstwhile victim.
Shane hurriedly made his way upstream, stopping at last in exhaustion to survey his damaged body. If he had been attacked by savages with bush knives, he might have hoped for a better outcome. He seemed to be bleeding from just about every part of his frame, except where his boots covered his feet and ankles. But even these were soaked in it, and he could have sworn it was overflowing the openings, where his socks emerged.
“Bloody hell!” gasped Shane, wondering how much longer he could stay on his feet with such blood loss. He sat on the grass to preserve energy, and considered his options.
* * *
Perhaps he had fallen asleep. More likely, he thought, he had fainted from blood loss. He was shaking uncontrollably.
However, there was no time to think of that now.
He recognised the beast skulking in the thick grass, not five metres away.
But a hyena— here? Impossible! They only lived in Africa— didn’t they?
Some sadist must have illegally imported the thing.
And then he saw the second one. A third…
He leapt to his feet, and the cowardly slope-backed animals scuttled away sideways, crablike, snuffling laughter accompanying their retreat.
Shane knew that it wouldn’t take long for them to summon up their collective courage— he had seen a horrifying documentary on TV about the enmity of lions and hyenas. In numbers, these beasts could take down a fully grown male lion. With their jaws, hyenas could exert a ton of pressure.
There was the possibility of using the pistol he’d taken from Zenobia. But he doubted its efficacy on three such rugged animals, unless he got a heart shot at each; hardly likely, shaken as he was.
Shane thought fast. He was actually surprised at his acuity, considering the state he was in.
Fire!
He groped for his lighter— he knew there had been a reason he hadn’t yet quit the weed— and looked for a clump of dry grass. The hyenas, naturally curious creatures, edged closer. But they backed away again as the flames caught.
Shane stood as close to the rising blaze as he could, only giving territory away as the flames spread, fanned by a slight breeze, which, thank God, was blowing towards the stream. It seemed to Shane his first stroke of luck since finding himself in this bleak place.
Six-foot-high flames were now eating up the meadow, and Shane was hard pressed to stagger ahead of them to the stream. Reaching it, he waded awkwardly across to the other bank, safe now from the raging fire.
Now to get over the wall. That would be another story, he knew.
He looked for a tree, which might afford access to the top. There was one possibility, a couple of hundred metres upstream and he started toward it, wondering where the hyenas had got to; not dwelling on the thought too long.
He reached the tree and summoned the strength for the climb.
It took everything he had to get up to the top branches, and he was wary of a limb simply snapping under his weight and hurling him to the ground. The climb restarted his bleeding in a dozen places, and he was feeling decidedly light headed by the time he was anywhere near the top of the wall.
Even worse, there was a gap of about three feet at the closest point that he could risk the crossing.
He unbuckled his thick leather belt, looped it back through the buckle, and leant dangerously out to hook the loop over one of the sharks-teeth projections.
Testing its hold and the strength of the metal spike, he sent up a silent prayer and launched himself from the tree branch.
Miraculously, he made it, grabbing onto the cruel spikes with hands, which were beyond pain. He dragged himself onto the top of the wall, trying to avoid impaling himself, nevertheless inflicting savage incisions into his hands and torso.
Just the fifteen foot drop now…
* * *
Shane Curtain woke up in a hospital bed.
When, after three days, he was in a position to understand what had happened, he listened in amazement. If not for his starting the fire, he would probably have died there, under the wall. A neighbouring farmer, investigating the blaze, had found him, looking like the survivor of a bomb blast, with a badly fractured leg, to boot.
So fierce was the blaze, the farmer told him, that it completely destroyed the old manor house— and good riddance, the man’s tone inferred.
“Was anyone hurt?” asked Shane, not wishing to voice his undeserved concern for Zenobia.
“Oh, nobody has lived in that place for years now,” the farmer assured him.
Shane gave a slight frown. “Really? Are you sure of that, Mr. Jones?”
The old man looked thoughtful, then said, “You know, it’s funny you should ask me that…” He shuffled his feet, looking at the polished floor.
“Why?” prompted the younger man.
Who fed those infernal birds?
Why were the lights in the maze on?
And who is Zenobia…?
The questions filled Shane’s mind, demanding answers.
“Why?”
The farmer straightened up with a resolved look in his eye. He cleared his throat. “Well, it’s just that once, when I was looking for one of my sheep that had got itself lost… I went onto the manor grounds, like… And there was a young lady… a squatter, like… living in that old place all by herself. I had tea with her…. Quite lovely, she was.”
Jones looked away, as if not wishing to continue. Then he sighed, and began again.
“But she shot herself, not many weeks later; right through the temple.”
The scar?
The gun I confiscated?
The farmer sighed once more. “She said her name was… Zelda… no! Zenobia…. A very strange girl, she was…”
Binocular mermaids and spices from Crete
Sailing ships purple and ducks with three feet
Veracity proofs of Delilah’s deceit
But I’ll bring to you also my heart.
When I first started the job, I thought it was the answer to my prayers.
At last, I would be out of London; it was a permanent live-in position, and best of all, I would be on a monthly rota of three weeks working with one week off. To my week off, too, I could add a few days of the twenty-six annual leave days. So, in effect, I could afford to take an average of nine days a month off, travel wherever I chose, and in reality have thirteen holidays per year.
The salary was basic, but when I considered I would not be paying rent, council tax, electricity, gas, water, or transport, plus have free food, the picture began to get very rosy indeed. In effect, my salary was pocket money and travel expenses.
I had done care work in southern London for about eighteen months already. My main service user had been a forty-something paraplegic, with a very sharp brain and loads of energy and enthusiasm for life. So care work was by no means foreign to me, and although my new client was also a wheelchair user, I was looking forward to starting work with her.
Annalee van Olsen came as a bit of a shock to me when I first met her, it must be said. She had multiple sclerosis or MS. Her left leg, as she sat in her mean wheelchair, waiting to meet me, was so badly affected by the disease her knee was almost touching her chin. I was horrified, but I think I managed to hide my reaction, as she gave me the most charming smile and welcomed me into her home.
“Hello!” she greeted me heartily, in her thick Dutch accent. “Another South African, ja?”
“That’s right,” I agreed, uncertain if being South African was a good or bad thing in her estimation.
“Mitzy’s also from there!” She waved airily towards the present incumbent of the post, and I wondered if I had heard correctly. The man’s name was Richard, so where did she get Mitzy from? A bit strange, I thought, but all would be revealed in time, no doubt.
I was there to do a half-day introductory ‘shadowing’ of the outgoing carer, learning the daily routine and likes and dislikes of the unfortunate lady. To my surprise, Annalee proved to be a most engaging lady with a sharp sense of humour, and by the time I left, I was really looking forward to moving in the following week.
She had a lovely flat on the outskirts of Guildford, and as Annalee’s bed was in the lounge, my room would be the big master bedroom. There was another bedroom at the back, next to a bright and spacious bathroom, with the large, well fitted kitchen adjacent. The apartment block was surrounded by a lovely garden with rolling lawns, well tended flowerbeds, and graceful trees sheltering a myriad of birds and even a number of squirrels.
It was the perfect setting, and although I knew twenty-one days work in a row was going to be demanding, I was nevertheless looking forward to starting the job.
The hours were long— 7:30 a.m. to 10 p.m.— but even this was softened somewhat by a rest break of two hours from two to four in the afternoon. And if the job got tiring, at least I could look forward to a nine- or ten-day break on the Costa del Sol, Egypt, or Malta. Twenty-one days would go by in a flash.
It started very well.
It was not rocket science. There was a routine involved, which I soon got a grip on. Setting my alarm for 7 a.m., I would ease into the day with a morning cup of tea for us both. At this stage, Annalee could not drink very well by herself, and I would hold the beaker for her, whilst she sipped from a plastic straw. Being Dutch, she liked a slice of Dutch ‘koek’, or fruit cake liberally smeared with butter. I wondered how she kept as trim as she did, with that much butter and amazingly healthy appetite. But she was a small woman, and petite, which I was grateful for, as my previous service user would have stood six-foot tall if he could, and must have weighed at least eighty kilograms, which didn’t make for easy handling and turning in bed.
After tea, and morning medication, I would feed the fish— three of them— go for a bath, and get dressed. I would then feed Annalee her breakfast of muesli, clementines and yoghurt, which would bring us to around 8:30.
Time for morning exercises…
After a day or two in my new job, I had determined I would do my utmost to get Annalee better. I introduced a morning exercise regime to straighten her legs. With great care not to inflict pain, I spent about half an hour gently pulling her legs as straight as possible, using pressure on both sides of the knee to do so.
Amazingly, this passive physiotherapy seemed to help almost immediately. Within a week or two, I could get the back of her knees to touch the mattress, and I was well satisfied with the progress made.
Not only that, but she was now able to sit in her wheelchair without looking too far out of the ordinary, her left knee now only half bent, and reaching to around her midriff area.
Straight after the exercises, which were more than physically demanding on both of us, I would make us some coffee. The flat was on the ground floor, with a convenient balcony, on which I could enjoy a cigarette and drink my coffee whilst hers cooled down.
Next on the agenda was a bed bath. And with my hostess chattering on about nothing in particular, I would get her clean from head to toe in about twenty minutes, she washing the pubic area with a ‘washandjie’, another weird, but very effective Dutch invention, according to her, and basically a towelling mitten, which fits snugly over the hand.
“We must get some washandjies,” she told me brightly, soon after my arrival.
When I looked mystified as to what a washandjie might be, she phoned her octogenarian aunt in Amsterdam, and demanded the aged lady go out in search of washandjies, as they were an unknown treasure to the English. And, when the washandjies hadn’t arrived when my lady thought they should have, it was clear to her some dishonourable postal worker— a British postal worker— had stolen the washandjies. As it turned out, the forgetful aunt had not even been shopping for the items yet. The washandjies— a vivid and patriotic orange— arrived about a week later.
Bath time complete, I was unsuspectingly conned, as a new carer, into a daily visit to the ‘koffee shop’. In time, I was to come to dread any mention of the koffee shop, but having just started in the position, I thought a daily visit to the koffee shop was totally legitimate.
On one of the first such sorties, Annalee insisted on chatting to a young man on crutches, whom I took to be some friend of hers from a disabled association, such as a community workshop or some such. As it turned out, this was her twenty-five-year-old son, who, incredibly, had cerebral palsy. One family member with a debilitating disease seemed tragic enough— but two of them? What were the chances of the son getting an entirely different problem? Sometimes, I thought, life just doesn’t seem right.
The daily routine would continue by returning on the bus to the flat and getting Annalee back on the bed for her lunch. To move her between wheelchair and bed, and vice versa, was not an easy task.
It required the use of a hoist and sling. The chair was necessarily narrow, to allow entrance to the flat and especially the lounge, which had tricky corners to the doorway. This narrowness of the chair made it extremely difficult to insert the sling under her enough to lift her safely with the hoist.
To make matters worse, Annalee, at the start of my stint with her, would insist on drinking wine at mid-morning, and this would make her tired enough to sag deadweight in her chair. This made getting the sling under her almost impossible, and there were times I was convinced she would simply fall straight through the sling and crash onto the floor.
Lunch over, it would be getting close to two in the afternoon, and I would go gratefully to my room for a two-hour siesta.
Two hours if I was lucky.
“Telefoon!”
Yeah, like I can’t hear it!
It would usually be a telesales person— they seem to keep the two-to-four slot in the afternoon especially for this purpose; to destroy any potential post-luncheon nap the rest of humanity might be lucky enough to enjoy. Or it would be a friend of hers. Or the gardeners— another merciless group of sadists— would start mowing the lawns. There was also a new block of flats being built next door, and the reversing siren of the machinery would go non-stop or hammering and banging would be reserved for just this time slot.
However, the most likely disturbance would be Annalee herself.
“Excuse me!” she would suddenly cry out as I was drifting into innocent slumber.
She would want water, or her catheter bag checked, or she would be having one of her delusions, on which I will expound later.
Annalee would never use one’s name. It seemed to be anathema to her. It was always, “Excuse me!”
A disturbed two hours later, I was back on duty. Tea and cookie time. Black tea as opposed to the morning tea with milk and sugar. ‘Koffee’ was black, no sugar. Each beverage was prepared differently, according to the time of day. And there was ordinary tea, Earl Grey tea, lemon tea, green tea, and twenty shades in between.
And could this lady talk! There seemed to be no stopping her.
Mostly, it was about her son, Wim, pronounced Vim— like the detergent— and short for Willem, the Dutch equivalent of William.
‘Wim did this’; ‘Wim thinks that’; ‘Wim wants to’; ‘kan u Wim bel’. (Can you phone Wim?)
No please. No thank you. Talk; talk; talk.
Even when I was out of the room, she would still natter on.
My only surcease from this constant chatter were my smoke breaks. When I started work there, I had cut down to about ten a day. After six months, I was back up to twenty or twenty-five per day.
With afternoon tea out of the way, it was time to start preparing dinner. Usually, at the most critical moment, such as getting the steaks just right, I would hear, “Excuse me!”
Risking it, I would nip through to the lounge to see what she wanted.
“Kan u Wim bel?”
Poor Wim was phoned anything between five and fifteen times a day, depending on Annalee’s concern for his welfare.
In the early evening, it was time for wine, and Annalee had no trouble downing the equivalent of a glassful in about twenty seconds. By the time dinner was ready, she would be pie-eyed.
I would have to spoon-feed the dinner, as with all meals, except perhaps sandwiches, which, if cut into bite-sized chunks, she could manage on her own. This was a very drawn-out process, feeding her. She would chew very slowly, and a mouthful could take as long as three minutes to swallow. And the talking didn’t stop whilst she was eating, either. The disgusting sight of semi-masticated food will live with me forever.
As the generous quantities of wine merged with the soporific effects of the meal, Annalee would become drowsy enough to allow me to wash the dishes in peace. I would then have my second cold beer of the evening, and with it, begin to relax somewhat.
But I had to be careful how I moved, because Annalee knew every creaking floorboard in the house, and would start into wakefulness if I made a wrong move. She would either want something done or, Heaven forbid, start talking again.
It must be said here that in the nearly two years I have worked with this woman, I can’t remember one thing she has said that could be deemed totally relevant or Earth changing. An authority on every possible subject, I have yet to hear her contribute anything, which the rational man would take seriously.
With a lot of luck, Annalee would fall asleep by about 9 p.m. But first she had to have her teeth brushed, take her evening medication; I would have to change her into her nighty— a flimsy vest-like garment, which astounds me with its resilience— it must have been washed two or three hundred times and is worn every night. She has two new ones, but won’t wear anything else, but this ghastly lilac one. Face cream and adjusting the electric hospital bed for the night. Closing the curtains, and making sure she is warm and secure.
Then I might get the time to email my girlfriend in Lithuania, or my son in Australia. By 10 p.m., I am shattered, have four beers inside me, and am quite ready for bed. Fortunately, I don’t often get disturbed by her during the night. I go for a last cigarette in the back garden. Some evenings at around ten, the family of foxes come out to play on the lawn, and they lift my spirits.
Time to turn in.
One day closer to my holiday.
* * *
“Excuse me.”
It is 7 a.m.
She has timed the creaking floorboards to a tee— again.
I am level with the lounge door, just becoming visible to her as I try to make it to the bathroom to empty my bursting bladder.
“Just wait, Annalee!”
Good grief! Here we go— again!
“Ja, maar…” (Yes, but…)
I will hear ‘ja, maar’ at least sixty times again today.
Relief at the emptied bladder bringing a modicum of joy to my day, I return to the lounge.
“Hello, Annalee. How’re you?”
“Hello. How are you?”
Isn’t that what I asked you?
“Did you sleep well?”
“Did you sleep well?”
I know it’s going to be another long day.
* * *
Feed Freddie.
The other two fish died, thankfully. Between the three of them, they could muck their water up in about a week. Anyone who has cleaned a fish tank knows what a mission it can be. I threatened many times to serve the three up as sushi, but Annalee would always say, ‘nee, don’t doo dat’!
In Dutch, the negative ‘nee’ is pronounced like the noise a horse makes. Like ‘ja, maar’, the word nee is an essential admix to her standard vocabulary.
Coming from South Africa, I know the hybrid Afrikaans language, which was developed by the Dutch settlers. So one would suppose that understanding Dutch would come easily to me. But the two tongues are poles apart. She can’t understand my Afrikaans, and there is no way I can follow her Dutch, which she talks very often, thinking she is speaking English.
“I don’t speak Dutch, Annalee!”
“Ooh, ja! Maar…” Then she’ll revert to English— for a few sentences.
It is actually very seldom that she completes a sentence…
“You know!”— Another famous saying. “You know, that woman…” She hates women. A young female carer of hers ran off with her husband. “…That woman…”
“Which woman, Annalee?”
An airy wave of the hand. “That woman across the road….”
I heave a sigh. ‘The woman across the road’ is one of Annalee’s delusions. She and an equally fictitious ‘count’ who ‘lives upstairs’ are nefarious rogues in this neighbourhood, and run anything from robbery syndicates to prostitute rings and drug dealing.
Any delivery man innocently taking a parcel to a neighbouring apartment is up to no good, carrying a new consignment of LSD or crack cocaine, perhaps, or taking a suspect package to one of the prostitutes. Annalee’s bed has a commanding view of the front garden, and none of these criminal activities can escape her ever watchful scrutiny of the lawns and parking area.
Yet as frustrating as these imaginary goings on might be, there is nothing more infuriating than trying to make sense of an unfinished sentence.
“Know what I…?” (Do you know what I mean?)
“Annalee, you’re not finishing your sentence.”
“Ja, maar…”
“Woman, you’re still not.”
“Nee.”
And then, “Miskien kan u Wim bel…” (Perhaps you can phone Wim…)
“You’re talking Dutch!”
“Nee, I’m not!”
Oh, God help me!
At this point, the wise course of action would be to suddenly remember an urgent task and escape the room. But I have discovered in this work that Wisdom does not reign.
Annalee does.
“I want to speak to Wim.”
I look directly at her. “So what’s the magic word?”
“Oh ja, please!” And always a touch of sarcasm to the ‘please’.
“That’s better.” Wearily, I dial a number I know I’ll remember until the day I die, and, wearily, I wait to switch off again after ten or so rings. Wim hardly ever answers the phone before nine in the morning. The telephone is a loudspeaker model. It stays on the table, out of Annalee’s reach because she has managed to break four telephones whilst I’ve been here by dropping them on the floor. Every time I go out shopping by myself, and she is to stay in bed, she asks me to put the phone on the bed next to her. But I insist it stays where it is because of her past indiscretions. Invariably, there is a five-minute argument about this, just as I’m about to leave, and more times than I care to remember, I have missed the bus by seconds and had to wait twenty minutes for the next one.
Always, she will find something I should do for her just as I’m about to leave. Tea; phoning; pain in the stomach; moving her up in the bed— anything, in fact, to delay my departure.
I introduced certain house rules after my first week or so with Annalee:
1. Use ‘please’ when asking for something.
2. Use ‘thank you’ when you get it.
3. Don’t talk Dutch to me— I can’t understand it.
4. Don’t talk or shout to me when I’m not in the lounge— I cannot hear you.
Now that I’m older and hopefully wiser, I’ve introduced two more:
5. If you shout at me, or act like a spoilt child, the door will be closed for half an hour.
6. If you insist on talking with your mouth full, your food will go in the bin.
But would she take cognisance of these rules, these pleads for civility, these entreaties to dignity?
Not a chance in Hades.
Oh, she would make an occasional pretence at consideration— when it suited her immediate needs. But this was so short lived that it only served to underscore her innate disregard for my welfare or feelings.
There is a proverb in the Bible that says:
A nagging wife is like water going drip-drip-drip on a rainy day.
How can you keep her quiet?
Have you ever tried to stop the wind or ever tried to hold a handful of oil?
Proverbs 27:15
The constant drip of water on a rainy day might bug you— but try it for twenty-one days on end!
In China, a long time ago, a system of torture was devised. A single drop of water would fall on the forehead of the victim.
So how terrible could that be?
The drop would be repeated at a regular interval; say, ten seconds— on and on, for days, weeks.
It was not the actual drip of water, which hurt. How could it? It was the waiting; the anticipation of the inevitable event to come. And when, at last, the next one came, and the next, ad nauseam, the effect was like a sledgehammer blow to the cranium. The victim would be driven insane by a drop of water, screaming for mercy and surcease.
And one of my many private nicknames for Annalee is CWT— Chinese Water Torture.
So why haven’t I just called it a day? Resigned and found a nine to five?
You may well ask. And it is not easy to answer.
The main reason is I enjoy having thirteen holidays a year, in which I can travel and expand my experience of the world. As a writer this is important to me. One cannot hope to write successfully without having actually experienced that about which one writes. Equally, writing about an unvisited country is a dangerous way of losing credibility in a story. So as a result of working with Annalee, I have managed to travel extensively, and enjoyed it immensely, meeting interesting people and finding love in the process.
Secondly, finding a job with the effective level of income I enjoy is not the easiest task in a country like England, where demand is fierce and average salaries are low.
Thirdly, I have lately been applying for positions, which look promising; so far without much response.
* * *
“Excuse me!”
I come reluctantly into the lounge.
“Annalee, for the thousandth time, my name’s not ‘Excuse Me’!”
“Oh, ja… Stephan!”
I feel like screaming. “And it’s not ‘Stephan’, either!” You bitch!
She is pushing my buttons. She knows exactly how to rile me.
“And I’ve told you a million times, I cannot hear you from another room.”
“Nee, maar…”
“What do you want Annalee?”
“Kan u Wim bel?”
“You’re talking Dutch!”
“Oh, ja! Can you phone Snoopy?” This is her pet name for Willem.
“No ‘please’, no do!”
“Please!”
“Too late, Annalee!”
“Ah, you bloody South Africans! You’re just like the Nazis!” she screams.
I walk from the lounge into the passage, closing the door hard behind me. A stream of invective follows, muted by the frosted glass panels, but still very audible.
I re-open the door.
“Now you listen to me. This door will be closed for half an hour. If I hear a peep out of you, and have to open the door again, the half hour will start again. Understand?”
She glares at me like a cobra poised to strike, but says nothing. I close the door.
The scene has been repeated two or three times that day already.
The main problem, as Freud discovered, revolves around sex.
Annalee would just love to be serviced; by anyone who was willing.
About a week after starting in this post, she and I had a spat— something she was demanding, which I wasn’t willing to give her— a glass of wine, most probably.
At the height of the argument, she blurted, “Well, you can’t fuck me then!”
I looked at her incredulously. “Fuck you? Fuck you!” I was shocked to my core. The very thought of making love to this bent-up woman sent shivers down my spine.
“I’d rather eat razor blades!” I shouted at her. As I gathered my composure again, I added, “Don’t you ever talk to me like that again, Annalee! Not ever, do you understand?”
Apparently, she did understand that, because she has never said it again.
Yet, it did not resolve her underlying desire to find a male carer willing to accommodate her needs. Her previous carer had been gay, so she had instituted an eighteen-month war against him, until in desperation he was moved to another client. And now it was clear I too was unwilling to meet her depraved yearnings, I was no good to her either. So at every opportunity, she would slander me to my managers and boss in the agency, which employed me.
This living without knowing if I would still have a job when I returned from leave started really playing on my mind, leading to more and more tension between her and me.
The picture I am painting is dark, I know.
But there has been an upside to all this as well.
As I said, I was determined to get see this fifty-eight-year-old lady well again. She was feisty, if nothing else, and had a spirit, which you had to admire, even if she was a demon-minded vixen.
Over the past twenty-five years, I have developed a great trust in the powers of my Maker. I like to think I’m a Christian, even though my present frustrations make me imagine I am quite capable of culpable homicide.
So, soon after meeting my nemesis, I introduced her to the scriptures. Surprisingly, she could follow what I read, and became convinced, that with the Lord’s help, she could be cured of her affliction. This new hope, coupled with the somewhat confounding and rapid improvement in her posture due to the daily exercise routine, lifted her spirits enormously. It also gave me the belief I had actually been sent to her for a purpose— the very special purpose of getting her well again in body, mind and spirit. And God knew, she needed all the help she could get in all three realms.
Not many months later, I hit on the idea of finding an acupuncturist for her. Annalee leapt at the idea, telling me she had once had a nasty back disorder healed through acupuncture.
“So why didn’t you think of it as a possible cure for your MS, dingbat?” I asked, dumfounded.
“I dunno.” Another stock reply.
I went to a lot of trouble finding an acupuncturist who was willing to travel to the flat, and eventually secured the services of a charming Chinese lady who was also qualified as a doctor in China, but even better; she was involved in the latest developments of drugs for multiple sclerosis. I couldn’t believe my luck.