COPYRIGHT
Portions of this text are originally Copyright 1987, 1993, 1994, 2004, 2006, 2010, 2011
Shannon Muir.
Anthology Copyright 2011 Shannon Muir.
Smashwords Edition - First publication August 2011.
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
# # #
TABLE OF CONTENTS
REFLECTIONS IN THE UNIVERSE POOL
# # #
INTRODUCTION
I released my first novel, TOUCH THE STARS, in early 2011 as both a print book and a PDF style-book, and later released TOUCH THE STARS as an epub file once I learned how. However, my main credits at that point came from non-fiction and television animation. I’d done fiction for an independent anthology as well as some websites years earlier, but many people didn’t know my prose writing. I wanted to think of a way to get more attention for the range of things I could do, as a form of promotion.
Then I participated in the Blog Tour de Troops put on by the Indie Book Collective, where they gave away free copies of books where you commented on participating blogs and also sent e-books to the troops. I noticed these authors had one thing in common, a publisher that allowed them to easily distribute e-coupons for download and handle a variety of formats.
This gave me an idea.
Since my time at Eastern Washington University in the 1990s, where I received Bachelors’ Degrees in English-Creative Writing and Radio-Television Production/Performance, my files contain a lot of unreleased work. This does not include just my academic stuff, but items written in the years since. I decided to see what I might have that could collectively make a logical anthology, which I could then distribute as an e-book only for a reasonable low promotional price. This book is the result of that effort.
The stories and poems it contains are a mix of older material and newer items written to fill out the collection. For those who care to know the order of inception - many of these saw revisions over the years - that is as follows:
"Expectations" (poem, 1994)
"Eyes" (poem, 2005)
"The Fan" (poem, 1994)
"Not Forsaken" (short story, 2003)
"Outstretched" (poem, 1994)
"Reflections in the Universe Pool" (short story, 2006)
"Saturday Ladies Bingo Club" (poem, 1993)
"Shattered Rose" (poem, 1994)
"Vineyard" (poem, 1993)
"Where There Once Was Love" (poem, 1987, originally appeared in the “In the Wings” section of THE EASTERNER newspaper)
The new material created for this collection – though some are tied into larger works I have not yet released - includes:
"Alternate Reflections" (short story, 2011)
"Birth Pains" (short story originally serialized in abbreviated form on Goodreads, 2011)
"Blurring Lines" (short story, 2011)
"Breaking the Pattern" (short story, 2011)
"Dying Days" (short story, 2011)
"Lost Souls" (short story, 2011)
"Runaway From the Runway" (short story, 2011)
"Search for a Woman" (title poem, 2011)
"You Think You Know" (poem, 2011)
Truthfully, I was surprised how the items in the first section started showing evidence of common themes about women and searching for identity. With this in mind, I started playing with some ideas I had in my head and pursuing them which make up the materials listed in the second part.
I believe the items shown here indicate both my thematic focus as well as my diversity. The characters range from teenagers to elderly women, from modern day to futuristic space travel. Whatever the season, whatever the age, the needs of a woman will not change…
Overall I enjoyed my own personal journey of bringing this collection together and I sincerely hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think.
Shannon Muir
Glendale, CA
August 2011
# # #
SEARCH FOR A WOMAN
I
search for a woman,
In the dark alleys,
As well as out in the
bright sunlight.
Yet how will I know her,
To be one of
truth,
Instead of just a grand illusion?
So when may the
search end,
Will it take me far,
Or does she stand near where I
don’t see?
So much she can teach me,
Decoding
puzzles,
Unraveling all the mysteries.
Whatever the
season,
whatever the age,
the
needs of a woman will not change
# # #
REFLECTIONS IN THE UNIVERSE POOL
It wasn’t about forgiving the bastards. It was about decimating them.
Captain Kelly Blackwoode sat in her chair on the bridge as she looked out the viewport at the planet in the distance, and fast approaching in terms of space travel. When she barely made it off-world several years ago as a Merchant Marine, she never thought she’d see this place again. She possessed no desire to see the planet Ra'anai again. They'd been interested in exporting the Earth's artwork and plant life in exchange for technology, or at least most of them had. A group of Ra'anaites that felt Earth's influence would contaminate them captured her and her crew years before and held them hostages in a failed attempt to stop progress. Kelly and her team of Merchant Marines eventually were rescued, but not before undergoing much torture.
Now here she was, the only one who could save the universe by returning here, driven by the memories a dying alien woman fused into Kelly’s own consciousness. It seemed the perfect way to bring Portsmaster David Malone of Ares Colony into her life after he’d ignored her so long for the exotic alien ambassador Sha-Leth of Ra'anai, and to heal her own broken self that no amount of therapy ever fully restored. Instead the end result proved her worst nightmare; Sha-Leth, too, suffered torture at the same hands of those extremists who had raided Kelly’s ship many years before, a fact known to no one else. Sha-Leth’s dying words to her as she lightly touched Kelly’s hand had been: “With double the drive you shall bring the vengeance I could not do alone.” Afterwards, David pressed Kelly for what those words meant, but Kelly dodged around him in an attempt to shield him from harsh truths. The public knew some of what happened, but a lot still hadn’t become widely known. What David didn’t know was that she and Sha-Leth bonded in a big way.
The biggest challenge had been justifying bringing a fleet back here to this world, intelligence only made available from Sha-Leth’s insights. Without revealing her source to her superiors, Kelly pointed them to evidence that supported taking their current action, and that her “intimate knowledge” of their world and ways made her the one to lead the charge.
"Captain," a young male voice broke through Kelly’s inward-turned thoughts. "Call for you on the comm. Private channel. Identified as Rear Admiral of the Second Half David Malone. "
She noticed Greg Graybeal, the young communications technician, struggle to keep a professional composure. After all, he'd just had to tell her his Dad was on the line. No real time to allow a few minutes of father-son chat time, and besides the bridge couldn't offer privacy.
"I’ll take it in my quarters, " Kelly said, getting up from the bridge chair as she addressed the boyish, clean-shaven young man at the communications console. "Notify me when we are within communications range of the planet. "
"Yes, ma’am, " the communications officer replied.
Kelly stepped in the elevator and punched in the floor commands for her quarters. She still couldn't believe that her Merchant Marines friend David Malone, former Portsmaster of Mars Colony, found himself promoted to Commodore and then incorporated into the military structure for his service, finding his title laterally changed to Rear Admiral of the Second Half. In private, they just called him Admiral; the formality proved just too much of a mouthful.
Kelly entered her spartan, no-nonsense quarters and opened the channel.
"How goes it up there?" Rear Admiral David Malone asked. "Or would it be over there? Been a long time since I left planetside."
True to his reputation, David played it friendly and easygoing even in a top officer's role. Kelly felt sure this would be the death of him someday.
"We’ll see once these bastards find out it’s a torture victim come for more than personal damages,” she responded flippantly. “And yes, before you ask, your son Greg is fine. He’s handling the comm console like a pro. Keeps to himself a lot outside of that, but he’s fine. "
"You sound like you’re his mother concerned about him being a social late bloomer,” David said half-jokingly. “Which is good, Greg needs someone to keep an eye on him, teach him about military life. Even if his mother had survived the attacks when we first opened Ares Colony, she would constantly be trying to talk him off this path with her peace activist ways. "
"I never did get what you saw in Terry Graybeal. "
"That was long ago and far away, before I even got involved in the Merchant Marines," David reminded Kelly. "It’s not like Merchant Marines are soldiers. Besides, she wasn’t as into all the peace and protest of stuff then. I never did find out what changed her, and I’m certainly not pushing Greg on that subject until he’s ready. He’s had a hard enough nineteen years of living, especially thinking his father was dead all this time. "
"I’ll do my best to get him back in one piece so you can have that conversation," Kelly struggled to reassure David. "I didn’t choose the crew of the GNS Aegis, you know. If I had, Greg Graybeal would never have been on this voyage because in my opinion there should be some father-son bonding going on here. The top brass only let me come if they handpicked the crew, which I still don’t understand some of their choices. "
"I found out about Kristandi O’Chindin,” David responded. “I didn’t realize the military took her on. Thought they set her up with a civvie life somewhere. "
"Apparently Kristandi learned a lot about cooking surviving on that generation ship, because she’s our ship’s cook. One of the roles they'll give a civvie exception for these days."
David burst out laughing.
"I’m serious, David. But I have to say, based on all the inbreeding that went down over time, she’s got fusion cooking down pat. Anything you can dream of, that girl can do. "
“Don’t feed my imagination, Kelly,” David said. "Seriously though, I'm calling to let you know I'm joining you on the Aegis."
Kelly almost leaped out of her seat, whether out of nervousness or sheer joy she wasn't sure.
"David, um, Sir... the Aegis will be honored to host you and your staff to make this a flagship. That implies, however, that we will be going to war."
"I am not free to explain on this channel but will when we arrive. Prepare for the ship transporting us to join you in your space in about three hours. After that I will debrief you and we will head to Ra'anai."
Something began to become clear to Kelly.
"Were you involved in picking the crew, Sir?" she asked, starting to move her mind into a more formal mindset.
"Again, Captain," he responded in kind, "I will debrief you upon my arrival."
David signed off.
Kelly felt certain that the top brass discovered something that warranted caution. Sha-Leth, one of the race that captured her, asked for a dying need for vengeance. Kelly sensed of a split between forces on that alien homeworld. It seemed insurgent forces brewed that threatened to shatter whatever progress had been made through Sha-Leth reaching out to them on Ares Colony. However, Kelly would have to be cautious and feel out if their own military knew by probing David without alerting him if they did not in fact know.
At that moment, Kelly realized she better warn the galley company would be on the way... which meant facing Kristandi O'Chindin. She never liked talking to Kristandi.
Kristandi looked more Latina than any other race, but with the petite build and grace of an Asian. She programmed the cooking computers to blend together an exotic mixture of ingredients for the next meal.
As Kelly entered, Kristandi looked up while not taking focus off her work.
"Hello," Kristandi said flatly but with the honor befitting speaking to the head of the ship. "How may I help you today? Do you have a special meal request?"
"Only that we will need additional servings tonight. Rear Admiral David Malone and his personal detail shall be joining us."
Kristandi paused her systems then looked over at Kelly, surprised. This would be the first genuine reaction she'd seen from Kristandi in a long time. Usually her reactions stayed stiff and wooden.
"David Malone? Here?"
Kristandi could be forgiven for not using his rank. She'd barely adjusted to society as the last of her race.
"He told me he knows you are here but not why, and I didn't tell him why. That'll be up to you and Greg. Getting special dispensation to take a crewmember's wife as part of the crew wasn't easy. If you weren't such an excellent cook, we probably would not have been able to."
"I don't know why Greg isn't able to tell his father that we married," Kristandi admitted.
"Probably the same reason I'm too afraid to tell David I always loved him and now I have the memories of his dead alien girlfriend fused in my head," Kelly responded. "The universe sees you as a freak and would see me as one too if they knew. I'd probably be kicked out of the service."
"Some people call my race Martians, but I know I'm not. Not really. They just don't know what other name to call me by. Those crazy people with the snooping cameras that float in the air, the press I think Greg says, they called us Utopians. It was just the name of the spaceship--"
"Kristandi," Kelly said. "You are what you are. A mix of Earth cultures that intermingled on a generation spaceship that became its own culture. You have every right to be proud of that."
"And you are still an incredible officer and have every right to be proud of that. So why do we live in secret?"
No more words passed between the two women. They knew they were the only women who could understand one another yet often avoided talking in order to avoid that realization.
Rear Admiral of the Second Half David Malone arrived on time and with little fanfare. He immediately took Kelly into a briefing room.
"Before we start," Kelly found herself saying without thinking, "I'd like to discuss something with you if I may, Sir."
"Briefly. Time is of the essence."
"When Sha-Leth's superior Lo-Kath turned on everyone at Ares Colony, ordering death to all Ra'anai that would not stay on the path preventing free cultural exchange, how did that make you feel?"
"Kelly, that happened between Sha-Leth and her people, not you."
Kelly took his hand.
"And when you found me, bruised and beaten and dying, do you remember what you whispered in my ear?"
"No no, that was Sha-Leth I spoke to, Kelly! I never told you what I said to her. Other teams rescued you from the extremist camps in Ra'anai."
Kelly/Sha-Leth started to cry. She knew she must get him to believe the truth before taking her - them - into battle.
"You told me that you loved me," Kelly said with a voice that no longer felt like her own. "That people should be able to love beyond race, and even world."
Kelly saw the horror in David's face. She wondered whose voice she heard. Perhaps the vocal sounds she made rang in his ears like Sha-Leth's.
"When you found me, Lo-Kath and the others had not just beaten me but physically violated me. This was to ensure I had not been corrupted by the humans. In doing so the Ra'anai people condemned me to die."
"Kelly, you're mixing up Sha-Leth's life and your own! How is this possible?"
Kelly squeezed David's hand.
"At the time of death, a trained Ra'anai can soul bind with another to keep the consciousness alive. As Lo-Kath came to strike you down, you turned away and Kelly came to Sha-Leth's side. Sha-Leth knew her story and now shared her pain, and knew her other secret. With that knowledge, she knew she must try soul binding for all their sakes."
"What was it? What was the other secret?"
Kelly/Sha-Leth cried.
"That Kelly loved David so much that she kept her silence since he loved Sha-Leth. Now they could both care for him as one."
David looked puzzled.
"So... Kelly... Sha-Leth... you're both in there?"
Kelly/Sha-Leth nodded.
"Kelly's body but a shared mind. At least for now."
"What do you mean for now?"
"Kelly originally wished for a suicide mission. She’s tired of living. I have convinced her of an alternative."
David raised an eyebrow.
"Which is?"
"The reason she let me soul bind. She loves you so much she gave me your body. Kelly is fading, David. Each passing human hour there is more of me and less of her. We could only coexist for so long but her will is weaker. I wanted to give you the chance to say goodbye to your friend."
She could see the hurt and regret in David's face.
"Kelly? Kelly? I can't believe this. We grew up together. Did training together. It didn't have to end like this, it doesn't! Can't you do something? I already lost Sha-Leth I can't lose you too."
"Except you never lost Sha-Leth," Kelly smiled weakly and speaking in a voice she knew to be her own. "She's been here with me, waiting. Only her body is gone."
"But you'll be gone, Kelly, gone forever. How could you?"
"I didn't see a future for me, David. I sacrificed myself to make a better one' Now by the power vested in you by the military, deem me unfit for command and take over the Aegis. A foreign dignitary should not serve in your military, as soon I shall be."
"But to everyone else you look like Kelly no matter who is inside. You can still pretend to be her."
"Both of us agree the existence must be true, known that Sha-Leth is in Kelly's body. It is the only way. Now go and do what must be done. Also, speak with your son and remember what you said to Sha-Leth abut love. Tell him."
"I will."
Then, completely out of line with military protocol, Kelly/Sha-Leth felt David hug her.
"Goodbye, Kelly. Sha-Leth, I love you."
Kelly/Sha-Leth curled up into bed, and slept.
Hours later, Sha-Leth awoke to David Malone requesting entrance to her cabin. The doors opened revealing David, Greg, and Kristandi.
"They've come to help you pack," David said. "These are now my quarters and you are moving into a different area. You are ordered to leave all items of a military nature behind as they belong to one deceased Captain Kelly Blackwoode, killed in the line of duty in an operation to take out Ra'anai extremists."
"Then who am I?" She asked frightened.
"Sha-Leth, Ra'anai translator, a civvie on board due to exceptional circumstances," said Kristandi who winked at her.
"Having you will change the tide of the war. None of us knew Ra'anai well enough to crack the plans and codes. But you will, Sha-Leth," Greg stressed.
"I'll leave my son and his wife to help you pack," David said, a smile on his face. "When done, I will brief you on your new translator role."
David turned and left.
"I guess you were right when you said we were unique in the universe," Kristandi told Sha-Leth.
"Yes," responded Sha-Leth. "I guess we are."
# # #
EXPECTATIONS
Was
death better than the paper bag over your head
when everyone
laughed in our sixth grade assembly
as they crowned you, "Shyest
Female?"
I remember your sad
eyes in paper-mask holes.
Could not share their laughter, glad it
was not me.
Phone-shattered world at one a.m..
Your
mother’s words brought life to pounding,
blinding rain, masking
sight of stop sign and semi both.
Pot you molded me for our
anniversary shattered
to the floor as my head hit shelf in
shock.
In pots and paintings you left pieces of
yourself,
every line and design a glimpse into your mind.
Stanzas,
line breaks serve as my medium for message.
Wonder who will gather
mine, keep them safe.
Always expected your hands to hold my
life.
No longer will we caress the smooth,
soft skin of
each other’s breasts.
Never again critique the other’s sense
of line,
figure out who’ll wear which dress tonight,
laugh
together at a joke, see a movie and cry.
I buried my head in
your side of the bed,
still fragrant with strong orchid perfume
you wore
this morning, before going to San Antonio.
"Good
things await ahead, " you said.
You
just had to chase them down the road.
# # #
BREAKING THE PATTERN
"You want another coffee?" Asked the waitress, the same curly haired brunette who served me every morning of every week. She wore her hair always in the same way, pulled back in a simple ponytail. The waitress always knew I wanted coffee, always presented me with a cup straight black and decaf as I came in, no cream or sugar or half and half or those weird flavored nondairy creamer things.
"Yes," I'd say. Always had to have at least three cups with a meal though never for the caffeine rush. Been a habit for me since forever. Even when I used to drink it with the jolt included a lifetime ago. Worked a crazy life then, an investment banker career woman with no time for family. Then my health kicked in which made me quit the bank job and the caffeine. Now I'm volunteer super lady instead. Very little changes.
"How are things going?" She'd always ask. The waitress knows I'll just say, "About the same." I always do.
I wasn't ever able to ask about her. The joint's too crowded and understaffed and the waitress is too damn busy to even catch her breath. She'd always seems to be there day or night whenever I come.
What I ordered never changed much. Meatloaf and potatoes with gravy, plus cooked carrots on the side. Reminded me a lot of stuff my mother always made. The cook at this place does it so amazingly close it is hard to break my routine. My routine would be to always come to this 24 hour diner dive after work. Even though I'm not working anymore, I can't live without the habit. Yeah yeah I know. Sounds like a nicotine or alcohol fix. Though I'm not working anymore I still needed it.
Then came the one night that changed everything. She'd never ask for another coffee refill, never wear her hair the same way, never ask how I was doing, and never get the chance to find out how she was. I'll never go back.
Yet in all that tragedy, I learned her name.
Fannah.
That evening started like any other. I stopped in for my decaf coffee and meatloaf. Fannah - though I didn't know that to be her name - worked there as always.
"You want another coffee?" She asked.
"Yes," I'd said.
Then the door opened quickly and with a great deal of force, enough to turn every head in that diner. No one moved that quickly even to get out of the pouring rain.
With a bang and a clang and a hiss and a howl three men bombarded the diner with guns drawn and took over the cash register.
"Hand it over," an older male voice demanded of the shaky quaky college age kid behind the register.
The young guy fumbled out what little the register contained.
"Bah," said another man, unimpressed. "Give it all to us."
"I can't," stammered the boy, who began to seem younger and younger with each word. "The manager locks the rest away. I don't have the combo."
The third man reached over and grabs my waitress in a chokehold, the largest and most muscular of the group.
"Check all the waitresses and their pockets. They got to have something."
"What about the diners?" asked the first guy sounding quaky and uncertain.
"That'd take forever and they might all be using cards. I told you, hit the waitresses for tips!"
Each of the three men leapt and ran around the diner grabbing waitresses and holding guns their heads.
"The tips, sweetheart," I heard one of them call out. "Tell us where you keep the tips and you won't get hurt."
The question never got answered as the sounds of sirens and the flash of red and blue lights filled the senses. Someone managed to let the cops know, and the thieves were far from pleased.
"The cops!" one of them shouted. All three of them threw the waitresses aside to run out the kitchen. Fannah had the misfortune to be hostage over near the bar counter in front of the grill, and her captor threw her headfirst at it as he ran away. Everyone in the diner could hear the crack as her head hit the unforgiving counter and Fannah fell to the floor.
As the police burst in and then followed the suspects out the back, several of us scrambled to see how the waitresses were doing. Two of them got away with minimum cuts and bruises, but Fannah lay on the floor unconscious, blood over the front of her face where her nose likely broke upon impact. I would be the first to reach Fannah and listen for her pulse, but I couldn't make one out as I read her name tag for the first time and branded her name in my mind for life. Fortunately the next person over to help knew CPR, but it did no good. Fannah's last night of her life came that night that broke the pattern.
When the restaurant held a memorial service for Fannah, I met her two grown children. She'd been a single mother after her husband died of a prolonged illness. and put everything on the line for her children. They spoke wonderfully of her, as did the other women she went to church with and the community center where she volunteered with seniors. Fannah turned out to be a bright, sensitive, caring person who loved touching lives and making a difference.
It's a tragedy when it takes tragedy for us to get to really know someone. Goodbye, Fannah.
# # #
OUTSTRETCHED
Blackness
clears, strangers loom
over me, check beatheart,
Thump thump
thump...
Above, plaster fog hovers steady.
Soft shag where I
lie.
"Who are you?"
Fog descends, engulfing
brain.
Who are you, whoareyou
an echo, unattached long
moments.
Slowly haze parts, reveals
Maria am I shining bright.
Rise
upward toward hovered fog
with metal clang of great-God
hand.
Glide along horizontal,
the unfamiliar familiar whizzes
by --
chair, clock, stereo, mine.
Barely recognize my
view
as white-robed angels guide
my flight out door, down
steps,
into their waiting coach,
take me from home but back to
life.
# # #
LOST SOULS
I'd like to say I understood my mother. I don't know of anyone who understood her.