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“It’s Not Who You Know, It’s How You Treat Them:
Five SocialSmarts® Secrets Today’s Business Leaders Need to Stand Out and be Successful”
Corinne Gregory
“It’s Not Who You Know, It’s How You Treat Them: Five SocialSmarts® Secrets Today’s Business Leaders Need to Stand Out and be Successful”
Copyright Corinne Gregory 2010
Published at Smashwords
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Smashwords License Statement
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN: 9780-9827981-0-2
Warning: Disclaimer
The purpose of this book is to educate and entertain. The author or publisher does not guarantee that anyone following the techniques, suggestions, tips, ideas, or strategies will become successful. The author and publisher shall have neither liability nor responsibility to anyone with respect to any loss or damage cause, or alleged to be caused, directly or indirectly by the information contained in this book.
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Dedication and Acknowledgements
To James Malinchak – From whom I learned the valuable acronym “GSDF” (Get Stuff Done Fast) as well as so many other things I take to heart
To Craig Duswalt – Without whom this book wouldn’t have “gotten done fast” – Rockstars doing EVERYTHING fast! Really FAST.
To my family – Jay, Alana, Alexis, Regan – Truly you all are the source of my inspiration and for whom I do all that I do. Thanks for believing…
To my mother, Eva – Who instilled in me my earliest “SocialSmarts”
“It’s Not Who You Know, It’s How You Treat Them:
Five SocialSmarts® Secrets Today’s Business Leaders Need to Stand Out and be Successful”
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Chapter One We Do Business With People, Not Entities
Chapter Two Why Socialsmarts® For Success?
Chapter Three Secret 1: It’s All About Attitude: Harnessing The Power Of Respect
Chapter Four Secret #2: Turning “What’s In It For Me?” Into “What’s In It For Us?”
Chapter Five Secret #3: Perception Is Reality:Making A Winning First Impression
Chapter Six Secret #4: Six Simple Ways To Build Lasting Connections
Chapter Seven Secret #5: You Can Never Say Thank You Too Early Or Too Often
Chapter Eight Bonus: Surviving Common Business-Social Situations
Chapter Nine Going Beyond The Basics
Corinne Gregory’s Speaking Topics
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Introduction
Have you ever wondered why some seem to have the "magic" of being able to connect with people in business, while others just seem to struggle? It truly seems sometimes as though some people “have it,” while some people simply don’t. And, what is “it” anyhow?
Well, the “it” is what this book is all about. “It” is the most significant differentiator businesspeople can have in today’s challenging business environment. “It” has become a lost art in too many cases, something that has gone by the wayside. Truly effective leaders make powerful use of “it.” You’ll find it tough to become a leader these days without “it.”
Our term for this powerful secret weapon? “SocialSmarts.”
SocialSmarts refers to the collection of social skills, character traits and abilities you need to effectively build, nurture, and develop lasting connections with staff, employees, vendors, and customers. In today’s business environment, where so much emphasis and energy is spent on individual progress and achievement, the business person who takes a different approach in his or her business dealings is certain to be noticed. This is true particularly when that approach is one that is less self-centered and self-absorbed than what appears to be the societal norm.
This book was created to share with you those SocialSmarts that you need to think, act, and be different than the rude, crude, and ego-centric mainstream. By learning and employing the Five SocialSmarts Secrets recommended in the coming chapters, you’re likely to find that you’ll achieve more of what you want, more easily and with less stress, and get a lot less of what you don’t want.
But SocialSmarts isn’t a one-time shot or silver bullet. You can’t just put this book under your pillow and hope to absorb its lessons. So, in addition to explaining the underlying foundations and concepts you’ll want to learn, I’ve also added some quick “takeaways” you should put into practice right away. They’re called “Take 5,” because they really should take you only a few minutes to put into use. They will help you immediately start seeing some changes based on action, not just theory.
I hope you benefit strongly from the information contained in this book. If you take it to heart and use the lessons and concepts presented, it will change the way you do business. It might even change your life by showing you a more inclusive, civilized way of doing things. You see, SocialSmarts aren’t just for business…they’re who we are and what we are, no matter what else we might be doing.
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CHAPTER ONE
WE DO BUSINESS WITH PEOPLE, NOT ENTITIES
The “good old days” are often spoken of as a time when life was simple and we all took care of, and respected, each other. Of course, we know that those times were somewhat exaggerated. The days of Ozzie and Harriett lifestyles were more myth than factual. However, there was a time when people assumed the best of each other and didn’t require lengthy legal contracts just to “keep each other honest.” Business was done on a handshake. A person’s “word” was their bond.
The US Constitution, including the Bill of Rights, fits neatly on only six pages – in large letters! The document which forms the foundation on which our entire country is built, including how our government would deal with its new citizens, and how that government would be expected to run the country, took fewer pages than what today would be required for purchasing a home appliance on credit. Times have changed.
One hundred years ago, you could go to the local General Store, get what you needed for your farm, and pay for it at the end of the month, or maybe the following month. Perhaps you would trade some of your farm output to settle your bill. We all had a sense of being “in it together.” We looked out for each other. Now we have become an “in it for ourselves” society.
Fast-forward to 2010. Our communiqués are flying literally at the speed of light, across vast oceans to the four points of the globe. The recipients can be in any time zone and even in places other than where we normally expect them to be. Our culture truly has become one of “business without borders,” anytime, anywhere.
Yet, with whom do we usually transact that business? Not with interchangeable worker-droids, although much of today’s commerce seems to be done this way. Truly effective business is still done with people we connect with. People we trust. People with whom we have developed a relationship.
Think about it: when someone we have worked with leaves one company to join another, how often do we try to find out where they went? We will often move our business dealings to maintain the business relationship with our contact. If we’ve developed a good bond with an individual, aren’t we more likely to follow that individual to their next company, instead of simply seeking a replacement liaison at the original company? Once we’ve made the connection, we’d rather change companies than change the people we have grown accustomed to working with. Changing people relationships takes us out of our comfort zone. We don’t know what to expect when we change the people with whom we do business.
People have been trained to be distrustful of each other. This can change! It starts with re-learning how to deal with people on a one-to-one basis. We may not get back to the “good old days” of the handshake contract or the running account at the General Store, but we can get back to an age of civility.
Modern Business Practices And Technology Causes Distance, Not Relationships
Generally, we believe that technology has enhanced our ability to do business. As long as you consider business a “transaction” – an event or arrangement – this is probably true. We can do “transactions” all day on the Internet, through email, and using online service providers. But if we need help – to answer a question, fix a problem, confirm an action – we prefer a person.
Dealing with machines or nameless, faceless entities can be irritating. Which do you prefer: wading through 27 levels of company auto-attendants on their phone system, or waiting five or ten minutes to talk to an agent who can answer not only your specific question, but also any other question that may come up during the conversation? We generally feel greater comfort dealing with a person than with a machine, regardless of how fancy it may be.
Yet technology has not always been our friend when it comes to dealing with people. We’ve become accustomed to the anonymity of interacting with people we’ve never met. It’s becoming harder to make and keep real connections. We rarely get the chance to learn much about the person on the other end of the keyboard, other than their email address and phone number.
It’s frequently strange when we do have an opportunity to meet “for real.” We don’t know what to say or how to act, and the person we finally meet looks and sounds nothing like the picture we’ve built of them in our own heads. Once we exhaust the business issue that brought us together in the first place, we find ourselves wracking our brains for something around which to make conversation.
Networking – It’s All About Who You Know
In spite of all the technology enabling our communication, we intrinsically still understand the value of personal connections. The late 1990s saw the birth and explosive growth of the concept of “networking.” People made concerted efforts to attend seminars, conferences, and other events just for the purpose of trying to make connections with other people – specifically those who might be able to further their business objectives.
Technology advancements skyrocketed, which allowed us to reach out and interact with people in places we never had the ability to go before. That meant even more people were able to seek out opportunities to make connections in the hopes of forging relationships that might prove valuable now or in the future.
Often we network with a specific goal in mind: to forge a connection with Company X. While it’s the company we want to build the alliance with, the reality is we need an “in.” Rarely do we call the front desk at Company X, announce ourselves and say something to the effect of, “Hi, you don’t know me yet, but I want to become a strategic partner of yours.”
Not a very effective approach, is it? Instead, we try to find a person with whom we can connect. Through that individual, we hope to build a connection to the company. It’s people-centric, not organization-centric, even if the organization is the end-goal.
People Are Mobile – You Never Know Where They’ll Turn Up
In 1910, people typically worked in the same place of business for the majority of their lives. The workers of today are much more mobile. A 25-year study by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Standards released in 2008 showed that today’s workers change jobs every 2 1/3 years, on average. Workers in certain industries, particularly those with high-growth, may change jobs even more frequently. What this means is, for a person whose career spans 40 years or more, they may hold as many as 15-20 different jobs in their lifetime.
They may change actual careers, too, not just their jobs or companies. It’s not unusual these days to hear about second- or third-career changers, people who have been downsized from one industry looking to join something different. Often, a change in life or circumstance prompts a change of interest.
There are many lessons we can take from this. For example, you must always be careful about your interactions with others. You never know where that person may end up later. Even more importantly, with the archiving abilities of email, voicemail and internet, you have to be cautious about any references in the past, too, because they may come back to haunt you. Never burn a bridge – you don’t know when you might need it again.
Likewise, consider that your business relationships may have a life cycle of their own, long past the point where they seem to be immediate and relevant. If you doubt the power of prior connections, consider how popular social media sites like LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter have become. The first thing you do when you become a member of these sites is…you look up your friends and connections!
You usually start with your current sets of contacts, but before long you begin searching for people in your past. The sites are even offering you recommendations, based on previous job history or other connections. These may be people you haven’t been in touch with for five, ten, fifteen years or more, but suddenly you’re reconnected. Think about how you want them to perceive this renewed contact: will they be glad to hear from you or will they start searching for the “un-friend” or ignore button as quickly as possible?
Summary
While this first section has been brief, hopefully it has made the point that when we are “doing business” we are not interacting with nameless, faceless entities and corporations. We may be doing business with those companies, of course, but in the end, we are working with people. The understanding that people are vital to our business connections and, ultimately, to our outcomes, is crucial. It forms the basis for how we influence whether we have a successful or unsuccessful experience. The next chapter will begin to unlock some of those keys to success and explain why, too often, these keys today remain under-used.
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CHAPTER TWO
WHY SOCIALSMARTS® FOR SUCCESS?
In the previous chapter, we made the case that when it comes to business, although we are working within the context of companies and organizations, we are really dealing with people – people we talk to, email, and communicate with. People we must work with, for, or alongside on a continual basis. As we become increasingly technology-dependent, our abilities to work effectively with others are becoming diminished.
Who needs “people skills” when we type one-dimensional words from a keyboard into a document, press “Send,” and the recipient gets it at some unpredictable time, based on their schedule generally, not yours? Their response is likely to come back on an equally unpredictable schedule and path, but loaded with the expectation that you will respond appropriately based on their timeline, without much consideration about what’s happening on your side of the dialog.
In addition, electronic “conversations” can span days rather than minutes, and any emotion of the conversation is frequently muted by the medium. Any emotion that is conveyed electronically is often misunderstood and misinterpreted. Clearly, it is easier to “not mince words” when you are not face to face with your counterpart. Relationships formed through email threads are difficult to build and maintain. They lack the direct, human touch, eye contact and body language.
Ah, but therein lies the key…in this world of anonymous, ambiguous and loosely defined interaction, how can anyone stand out? The answer is, you have to be smart about it—but probably not in the way you expect. Read on…
What Is The Most Important Key To Your Success?
Since Day One of our early education, we’ve likely all been told to work hard, get good grades – that’s the key to our success, both in school and in the work place once we leave school. But, as it turns out, it’s not entirely true. Oh, sure, doing well in school is important, don’t get me wrong. But it’s not THE key to what makes you successful. There’s something else quite a bit more important, and most people don’t know it.
According to repeated studies from such well-respected academic institutions as Carnegie-Mellon University, Stanford University and the legendary Harvard University, 85% of our personal and professional success depends on our social skills. That means it’s more important than our academic achievement, more important than our socio-economic background, more important than the “who we know” network. In fact, it’s more important than all of those factors combined.
That may seem far-fetched at first, but think of it this way: don’t we all know someone who is extraordinarily smart, was at the top of his or her class, is always the first one with the answer…but can’t get along with others? Conversely, we also can likely identify someone who may not have had the best grades, perhaps they came from a broken home. Maybe they were dirt-poor growing up, or were abused and neglected. But, in spite of those disadvantages, they have managed to overcome them and are a real pleasure to be around, and spend time with.
Think of many of the “rags to riches” stories you know: Oprah Winfrey, Colin Powell, Walt Disney, Marshall Field, Conrad Hilton, Dave Thomas. They may not have had the best beginnings, but they were able to rise above their challenges because they were able to be comfortable around others, and to make others comfortable around them. They relied on positive character traits such as perseverance, trustworthiness, and loyalty to make their mark. In other words, they were smart in ways that matter the most: what we call SocialSmarts.
Not only do you know this is true from stories about successful people, but the benefit of good social skills has been studied and verified. Two recent academic studies point to how important this aspect of your development is. In October of 2008, the University of Illinois released the results of a study in which they compared two sets of high school students. Both sets were ranked equally based on their academic test scores, but one group was rated higher than the other on their social skills and interpersonal abilities.
Ten years later, the group of students that had been identified to be more socially capable, conscientious and cooperative were shown to be earning significantly more than the first group, which had similar test scores but lesser social skills.
On the heels of that report, in December, 2008, the University of Washington issued their findings of a 15-year study in which they followed a group of students who received what researchers termed, “early childhood intervention” in social skills education. They tracked these students over the course of their lives, and 15 years later, these young people were found to have better mental health, higher academic development, and better economic achievement than students who did not receive social skills training.
So, the takeaway is that not only are social skills more important than academic achievement, having these valuable skills makes success easier and better, in every area of life, including academics.
The Business Impact of Poor Social Skills
But, you say, we’re all out of school at this point. Do “socialization” and social skills matter in business? Well, yes, very much so, as it turns out.
Whether you call it social skills, soft skills, people skills, interpersonal skills – whatever the phrase of the moment is – too many people lack them these days. The website BusinessDictionary.com offers this definition of social skills: the “ability to communicate, persuade, and interact with other members of the society, without undue conflict or disharmony.”
Essentially, what we refer to as SocialSmarts is the set of skills, attitudes and character development that enables us to interact and communicate with others in a positive, productive way. As you read that sentence, picture in your mind typical business interactions. My guess is you’ll visualize many people that don’t fit the image of “positive and productive.”
This is one of the biggest problems in business right now, especially as the generations of workers become younger. Surveys of employers show that the #1 complaint they have of young job candidates is that they lack the “soft skills” they need to be effective and productive in the workplace.
What kinds of things are we talking about? It runs the gamut from poor communication skills – people who are unable to communicate effectively in business, regardless of the medium for that communication. It also includes spending time surfing the Web or sending personal emails from work because the employer’s Internet connection is so much faster than what they have at home. It’s about being rude and callous to customers and vendors because they caught you at a bad time or get on your nerves. It’s the lack of ethics and integrity that allows people to make questionable business deals that are unfair in their advantage to some favored colleagues or a preferred “in crowd,” or even illegal. It’s about accepting kick-backs and special perks, arranging for special treatment or favors, or engaging in business practices that are exclusionary and predatory. All these things fall within the fabric of “social skills.”
Integrity and business ethics in particular are a big deal these days. Stories of Enron, WorldCom, Martha Stewart’s insider trading challenges, and more serve as examples for what happens when people fail to use good judgment and ethical business practices. Unfortunately, as many incidents in the press these days show, the “new integrity” means being very sorry when you are caught doing wrong–but it isn’t the thing that keeps you from doing wrong in the first place.
Even if we discount the (relatively) extreme cases of poor business ethics, a lack of basic social skills has a potentially negative impact on business. See if this sounds familiar: you are the customer with a challenge. You pick up the phone or come to the company offering its services with which you need help.
Even though you are the one having a problem with the company’s service or product, and you are reaching out for that help, you realize within 20 nanoseconds of the phone being answered or your appearance at the “service” counter that you have seriously impinged on that employee’s personal time or messed with their groove.
Whether it’s the inflection of the voice on the phone or the body language when you deal with the employee in person, it’s clear you are an intrusion. “Customer service” is becoming an oxymoron like “jumbo shrimp” or “government efficiency.” It’s enough to make you want to apologize for needing assistance, and it’s their product or service that isn’t working!
That kind of treatment can cost you customers. And lost customers are a double-problem because not only are you losing immediate revenue, you are risking your reputation in the market. I know of one company whose “sales method” was to badger its customers – not-for-profit organizations and charities – into signing questionable, obscure, long-term contracts for their services. Then, they provided shabby products and terrible customer support. When the customers tired of the poor service and unreliable products, and wanted out of the contracts, the company threatened to sue them.
How long do you think the charities would stand for this kind of treatment? What kind of reputation do you think the service provider developed in the industry? Word gets around quickly when you abuse your customers. As a result, the company’s market share plummeted. It was ultimately purchased and forced to change its name in the hopes of rebuilding its dwindling business. But a change in name, without a change in policy, isn’t likely to fix bad business practices.
Good Social Skills are a Lost Art
It’s a sad commentary on our society that we can‘t get through a day without having someone treat us poorly, be rude, crude or disrespectful, or just plain indifferent towards us. It happens in business, it happens on our streets and in our neighborhoods. And it’s getting worse.
There are many reasons for why this decline in civility and decency has come to this point; covering all the reasons why is beyond the scope of this book. (It would warrant an entire book on its own!) But we can take a look at some of the contributors in order to understand why this is such a common problem today.
First, the way we were taught good social skills – manners and character – changed dramatically about 40-50 years ago. When many of the young people of the 60s generation decided to turn their backs on what their parents, grandparents and previous generations believed in and stood for, it represented a significant shift in what was considered proper and decent behavior.
Consideration of other people’s feelings and needs, or what was right and just, gave way to “if it feels good, do it.” We made a transition from what’s good for “us” to what’s good for “me.” With the transition came an increasing attitude that the end justifies the means and that if it works for me, it should be ok for you.
This attitude begins early. A 2002 survey of 12,000 high school students by the Josephson Institute showed that
• 74% admitted cheating on an exam at least once in the past year
• 38% admitted having shoplifted at least once in the past year
• 37% admitted that they would lie “in order to get a good job”
Many of our young people today feel they don’t need to deal with other people: if someone says something you don’t like, you can humiliate them and assassinate their character in 27 different ways, via the Internet, cell phones and text messages, or just turn off the power switch rather than reach a resolution.
Also, as modern parents have been overly focused on building their young children’s “self-esteem,” they have often completely overlooked the need to develop the skill for getting along. The practice of giving every child a trophy merely for showing up as a member of a team sport is not a good paradigm for what it’s like in the real world.
Not everyone has the ability to be a “super-star” on every level, but our kids have been conditioned to believe that the sun rises and sets by them. As these younger generations with their over-inflated egos and lack of effective interpersonal skills leave their homes and schools and enter the workplace, is it any wonder that there is disharmony and lack of cohesion in business?
Truly, we are reaping what we sow. The question we have to ask is: how is this helping or hurting our ability to do business? And, what type of business person and leader do you want to be: one that blends in with the crowd of self-centered, abrupt and self-serving individuals, or one who stands out by being different, using positive social skills as a powerful tool?
Summary
This chapter was dedicated to the idea that the key to succeeding – in business as well as in life – depends on your abilities to successfully interact with other people. Our relationships with people are truly what determine success, not transactions with companies or organizations. While we may be working within the scope of the organization, we are actually working with individuals – individuals that have needs, desires, and goals of their own.
Our ability to make these interactions successful, to have them grow and develop beyond a superficial level, depends on our use of effective social skills – what we call SocialSmarts. It is clear from all the research presented, as well as anecdotal evidence, that social skills are a hugely critical factor in our personal and professional success. However, it is also true that positive social skills are becoming rarer in a culture that is increasingly abrupt, rude, and indifferent to the feelings and needs of others.
While it is true that acquiring and practicing positive social skills and developing good character is something ideally started early in a child’s life, the good news is that it’s never too late. The mission of this book is to help you acquire or hone those skills that you’ll need to stand out in a positive way so you can make and grow those relationships that will really make a difference in your life, on all levels.
Now that I’ve made the point of how important these types of “smarts” are, in the next chapter we’ll begin to dig down into the specifics of what kind of “smarts” we are talking about, and how you go about incorporating them into your business toolkit.
Take Five
In this chapter, we offer a unique idea, one that begins to put into practice those concepts covered in the chapter. The idea is to do something, take action, in a small way that makes the concepts real and practical. Our suggestions shouldn’t take long – five minutes or less. But they’ll be powerful tools as you begin to develop your SocialSmarts and can start making a difference right away.
• Make a list of 10 incidents you’ve experienced lately where someone treated you rudely, with disrespect or indifference. Think about how that makes you feel.
• Now, make a list of 10 incidents where you were treated respectfully, where you were made to feel you were valued, particularly as a customer. My guess is this list will be harder. How does that make you feel this time?
• If you had to do business with a company whose product or service cost 10% more, but you were treated better, would you prefer that business over one that cost less but offered minimal or poor support? Consider what airline you might want to fly as a business traveler: one that offered you an extra service, like a decent hot meal or waived your luggage charge, even if it cost you $10 more for the ticket or a “no-frills” airline where you felt like cargo?
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CHAPTER THREE
SECRET 1: IT’S ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE: HARNESSING THE POWER OF RESPECT
It may come as a surprise to you, but the biggest obstacle you face in your quest to become successful in this marketplace is you! As the incredibly successful marketeer and speaking phenomenon James Malinchak, recently shared with me, “You are six inches away from getting to where you want to be and fulfilling your dream.” Any guess what those six inches represent? The space between your ears.
Truly, if you want to stand out and be noticed, you must start first with changing your mindset. It’s too easy to get sucked into the idea that business is a zero-sum game, where you have to fight tooth and claw to get ahead. This is what we’ve been seeing for decades, and it’s become second-nature. The mentality is, “In order for ME to get ahead, someone else has to get pushed aside.”
The reality is, that only works for a little while. To really make headway as a business leader, you have to reset that attitude. Business, as we discussed earlier, consists of interactions between people, not interchangeable “carbon units.” These people have feelings, wants and needs, just as valid as our own. The more adept and comfortable we become in working with those people, no matter what our position, the more we find that success is a natural result.
Respect–A Strategic Differentiator
People tend to feel better about themselves when they are shown respect. Think about who you’d rather work with: someone who shows you respect and treats you like you matter, or someone who ignores you or blows by your contributions? Who do you think your customers, employees and business associates would rather do business with?
Rodney Dangerfield’s hallmark complaint in the 1990s, “I get no respect,” seems to be all too true. In a 2002 Gallup Poll, 80% of Americans thought lack of courtesy and respect was a serious national problem. ABC News poll around the same time indicated, 73% of Americans thought manners and behavior were worse than 20-30 years ago. You can bet that in 2010 the situation hasn’t improved much, if at all.
It should not come as a big surprise then that respect can be a strategic differentiator in dealing with others in business. People in our society have become accustomed to being overlooked or dismissed by others. When they are treated with genuine respect and consideration, it marks a refreshing change.
We are confronted daily with images and messages that remind us of our insignificance. (“Talk to the hand…,” “…and this should matter to me, why?” “Clearly you’re mistaking me for someone who cares.”) We are virtually pre-conditioned to apologize for our need to contact or interact with others.
Here’s an all-too-common scenario: you’re in a meeting with a group of colleagues. There is some discussion going on about an important business matter, but several people are completely tuned out – they are busy checking their Blackberries or iPhones for messages, surfing the web, or even playing a game under the table, while the presenter talks.
Suddenly, someone asks a question of one of these individuals, but he/she is so absorbed by their own electronic activity that they miss the question entirely. When they emerge out of their text-fest and “rejoin” the meeting, the first thing they say is, “Can you repeat the question?” The message that incident sends is that the group activity is less important than the individual’s activity, and the other people in the meeting – including the organizer -- aren’t deserving of that individual’s time and attention. It’s disrespectful, but we live with it every day.
What impression would it leave instead if all the participants in a meeting were actually that – participants, involved and engaged? Even if you don’t have an active role in the meeting, when you give others your time and respectful attention, it sends a much different message. Meetings would likely be more productive and more effective if everyone was “on-task” instead of merely sharing space. Further, the sense of team is much stronger if you know everyone in it is focused on the same mission.
This is not to say multi-tasking is intrinsically bad, but there is a time and a place; when you are supposed to be working with others on a specific activity, doing your own thing isn’t the time or the place. It shows a lack of respect for the concerns and priorities of others.
You may remember an incident a few years ago when airline pilots flying a commercial plane filled with passengers were working on their laptops, and overshot their intended city by 150 miles. Clearly, their failure to stay on task could have been catastrophic. You may never pilot a commercial airliner, but allowing your personal needs or wishes to take over when others are depending on you in any group situation can also be a disaster – to how you are perceived.