Secrets
Of
Inspiring
Women
Exposed!
Dale Beaumont
With Emma Lyons & Foreword By Louise Sauvage
Disclaimer
All the information, techniques, skills and concepts contained within this publication are of the nature of general comment only, and are not in any way recommended as individual advice. The intent is to offer a variety of information to provide a wider range of choices now and in the future, recognising that we all have widely diverse circumstances and viewpoints. Should any reader choose to make use of the information contained herein, this is their decision, and the contributors (and their companies), authors and publishers do not assume any responsibilities whatsoever under any conditions or circumstances. It is recommended that the reader obtain their own independent advice.
First Edition 2007
Copyright © 2007 Dream Express International Pty Ltd
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission from the publisher.
National Library of Australia
Cataloguing-in-Publication entry:
Beaumont, Dale.
Secrets of inspiring women exposed!
1st ed.
Includes index.
ISBN 9780980308624.
1. Women – Australia – Biography. 2. Successful people – Australia – Case studies. 3. Achievement motivation in women. I. Title. (Series: Secrets exposed).
305.40994
Published by Dream Express Publishing
A division of Dream Express International Pty Ltd
PO Box 567, Crows Nest, NSW 1585 Australia
Email: info@SecretsExposed.com.au
Website: www.SecretsExposed.com.au
Distributed in Australia by Gary Allen
For further information about orders:
Phone: +61 2 9725 2933
Email: customerservice@garyallen.com.au
Editing by Simone Tregeagle [simone@inkcommunications.com.au]
Cover design by Jay Beaumont [www.thecreativehouse.com]
Illustrations by Grant Tulloch [info@secretsexposed.com.au]
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
To a very special woman I call my nan. You have taught me so much – including how to sew a button back on my shirt and cook your very famous pancakes! Thanks for being such a beautiful soul and for giving me the book that started it all. Love you lots.
Dale Beaumont
To my mum and dad for their love and encouragement. To my family and friends for their endless support and to Pat, who truly was an inspiring woman and will always be in our hearts.
Emma Lyons
Acknowledgments
As with any major project, there are a number of very special people who contributed to making this book happen, so we’d like to take a short moment to say, ‘Thank You’.
To the 13 delightful and extremely talented women featured in this book, the biggest thank you for accepting our invitation to be a part of this exciting project. It has been wonderful to learn from your journey and get a glimpse into how you impact the lives of everyone you meet.
To the wonderful Simone Tregeagle and Kerrin Medenyak (from Ink Communications) and Neil Murphy, our great editors – thank you so much for your ongoing support.
To Jay Beaumont (Dale’s brother) for designing the book covers, to Bookhouse in Sydney who continue to do such excellent typesetting and to Robert Stapelfeldt – thanks for everything you do to bring all of the ‘Secrets Exposed!’ books to life.
Next, to Shaun Stenning and the rest of the team at Sure Fire Marketing. Thanks for all your efforts in the rebuilding of the ‘Secrets Exposed!’ website and for the ongoing web development. We really value your work and thank you for the many emails after midnight.
Thanks to all the staff at Gary Allen (our wonderful distributors) and each and every sales rep that has helped to get these books into the stores – we greatly appreciate the work you do.
And finally, to tens of thousands of readers that have supported the ‘Secrets Exposed!’ series – a very heartfelt thanks. May the words from our books continue to inspire and guide your way!
Praise from readers of the ‘Secrets Exposed!’ Series
“These ‘Secrets Exposed’ books have truly had an impact on my business and personal life since reading them. I found the format so easy to follow, and I learnt something new from every contributor. I have recommended these books to many of my friends and I am looking forward to future titles as I believe they will all hold secrets that will benefit me.”
Sophie Kelsey – Budding businesswoman
“The ‘Secrets Exposed’ series has become my bible. A secret Rolodex to all the most successful business minds. To be connected instantly to people who are doing and have done what you dream and strive to become is uplifting, inspiring and insightful.”
Tania Menzies – Jelli Beanz International Nannies
“Huge congratulations on an absolutely fabulous read. I couldn’t stop at one book, I had to go out and get the entire ‘Secrets Exposed’ series. These books are such an inspirational and practical read that I am telling everyone I know to get them. If you want to create anything you would love in your life, go out and get one. They won’t just sit on your shelf, you’ll turn to them regularly for ideas, insights, and inspiration to create your own life dreams too. A small investment to make to have a wealth of information at your fingertips.”
Alison Nancye – The Mermaid Project
“This series were the first self-help books I ever read – before that I didn’t even know there was a ‘self-help’ section in the book store! They inspired me and opened my eyes to all the things I can be. I now achieve many goals – from not biting my fingernails to getting my Black Belt.”
Kerstin Oberprieler – Student and 2nd Dan Taekwondo Black Belt
“I have read all four of the current ‘Secrets Exposed’ series, and can’t wait for the next editions. I find these books inspiring and insightful. Dale has created something unique with all the wonderful ‘added value’ gifts throughout the books, which I have enjoyed receiving and benefiting from.”
Lee Clark – Customer Love
“The ‘Secrets Exposed’ series has been instrumental in allowing me to make a major mental shift about my business and sales. Each chapter is a separate inspiration and a clear reminder of the simple, daily action and persistence required to achieve success.”
Nicole Seagren – VISION Finance Australia
“These ‘Secrets Exposed ‘books have taught me a lot more than I learnt during my studies. The practical information and tips have opened my eyes to new ways of doing things. In addition to the books, receiving the free downloads was like continuing that education. I am amazed at how much I have learnt!”
Brook York – Professional Athlete
“Secrets of Female Entrepreneurs Exposed! is undoubtedly the best investment I have ever made. I actually borrowed it twice from a library before I was able to purchase it. I needed to raise venture capital for my theatre company and reading how people were succeeding when others were saying ‘don’t’, was inspiring. The ‘Secrets Exposed’ series is my mentor! Thank you to everyone for sharing your experience with me.”
Rajendra Moodley – Elephanta Theatre Company
“I find myself continually referring to these books to recapture fleeting ideas or to buoy my own motivation when it ebbs below acceptable levels. The contributors’ enthusiasm is contagious. I also found it fascinating reading about the evolution of their business ideas, many of which could be traced to some simple, seemingly innocuous, activity.”
Sasha Dunn – Artist
Contents
Preface
If I were in your position right now I’d be wondering if I really needed to read this section. However, if this is the first ‘Secrets Exposed!’ book that you’ve read, could I ask you to please resist the temptation to skip ahead, as I’d like to briefly share with you why this book has been created and how you can best use it to impact your life.
When I was growing up I heard somewhere that there are two ways to live your life: the first is through ‘trial and error’ and the second is through ‘other people’s experience’. At the time I dismissed it as just another one of those sayings that sounds good, but doesn’t make much sense. Then, like most teenagers I finished school with stars in my eyes thinking, ‘This is great! My education is over – no more books, no more lectures, no more people telling me what to do’. How wrong I was. After a few months of bouncing around, not quite sure of what to do next, I stumbled across the idea of personal development and started to hear concepts such as:
• Formal education will earn you a living, but self-education will make you a fortune.
• Work harder on yourself than you do on your job.
• You will be the same person five years from now, except for the people you meet and the books you read.
• Don’t wish that your job were easier, wish that you were better.
• You are your own greatest asset, so you must invest in yourself.
since November 2000, I have been totally committed to becoming my own most valuable asset. After attending hundreds of seminars, listening to thousands of hours of CDs and reading shelves of books, I have discovered that the people who truly succeed aren’t any smarter, better looking or harder working than anyone else – they just think differently and have learnt to incorporate different values into their lives.
I am now in the very fortunate position of being able to travel internationally to present personal development seminars to teenagers and I am often asked, ‘What is the one thing you need to know to be successful?’ My answer is always the same: ‘The one thing that you need to know is that there is not one thing that you need to know to be successful’. I’ve learnt that success is multifaceted and that mastering one principle of success or area of your life isn’t going to take you to the top – the more you master, the more successful you will become. But if I did have to identify one of the most important success strategies, it would be this: ‘Find out what successful people do and do the same thing until you get the same results’.
That’s what this book is all about. The only difference is, instead of you going out and finding successful people, we’ve brought them to you.
You see, whatever you want in life, whatever you are shooting for, chances are that someone else is already living it. They have already invested years of their life and probably hundreds of thousands of dollars, they’ve made lots of mistakes, learnt from them and eventually succeeded. So why would you want to waste your own time, money and effort through ‘trial and error’ when you can fast-track your success by learning from ‘someone else’s experience’? As Sir Isaac Newton said, ‘If I have seen further it is because I have been standing on the shoulders of giants’.
Every time you pick up a book, attend a seminar or interview a successful person, you are compressing years of life experience into a few hours. With any of the ‘Secrets Exposed’ books, you can multiply that by between twelve and seventeen people and you’re looking at around 250+ years of experience and wisdom ready and waiting for you. It won’t prevent you from making mistakes of your own, far from it, but it will help you to make more calculated and purposeful decisions, rather than big, misguided and ignorant ones.
There is no shortage of information about how to achieve proficiency or even greatness in any area of life these days. Go to any bookstore or library and you’ll find the shelves sagging with titles from experts, all with their own theories and ways of doing things. But what I have discovered is lacking in almost all of these books is INSPIRATION. What’s missing is role models and mentors – the stories of people we can all look up to. People who started out exactly like you – with a dream in their hearts and with all the same fears and insecurities. Given the choice between reading a textbook or a dozen success stories about people who have actually done something, I’d take the success stories any day of the week. I’m not saying that theoretical information isn’t important, of course it is, but having presented hundreds of talks to all different types of audiences, I can confidently say that it’s always the stories that move people. It’s the whole, “If he or she did it, then so can I” that gets inside people’s hearts. When we’re inspired we get motivated and then we take positive action which leads to results.
The ‘Secrets Exposed’ books are not intended to be a one-stop-shop. They are an introduction to the wealth of knowledge available to you and to some of the real success stories of people who have reached the top in their chosen field of endeavour. That’s why at the back of each book you will find most of the contributors’ contact details and some of their other products and services that are available to help you continue your journey.
So, how did the whole idea for the ‘Secrets Exposed’ books come about?
Well, in 1998, when I was around seventeen, my nan gave me a copy of a book titled Collective Wisdom, by Brett Kelly. In it were transcripts of face-to-face interviews with a whole lot of prominent Australian personalities. And it was a fantastic read. Since then I have seen a handful of random ‘success story’ books, but the challenge I find with most of them is that they are either transcripts of interviews, that never really make complete sense in the printed form, or they are written by writers who paraphrase someone else’s story. The result tends to be a diluted message that doesn’t really allow you to get a sense of the individual’s personality or character.
In around 2001 I read my first Chicken Soup for the Soul book and realised that there were dozens and dozens of related titles designed to meet the needs of different people’s areas of interest. I thought that was pretty neat.
It wasn’t until January 2004 that the ‘Secrets Exposed’ idea boiled over. I was in my hotel room in Singapore relaxing after six straight days of presenting to hundreds of teenagers. I was reflecting on the ideas that had been shared with them. One of the most important was to seek out those who have already achieved what you want and ask them lots of questions. I was plagued by the thought that only a small percentage would act on that very valuable advice and that most would never take the step due to a lack of confidence, fear of rejection or an inability to contact the people they needed.
That’s when it hit me...‘What if I could find the people and put together a number of books covering a range of different areas?’ I knew it would take a lot of effort, so for the next three days, I sat in my hotel room and developed the basis of an entire system to make it happen.
Based on my experience with other books, I decided that these books had to be non-time specific and be written (not spoken) by the people themselves. This way the answers would be planned and well thought-out, providing richer content and more interesting reading. I also wanted to make sure that there was an even balance between practical ‘how to’ information and inspirational stories that gave an insight into the highs and lows of people’s real journeys. I also wanted to ensure that a percentage of every book sold was donated to a charity relating to the nature of that particular book.
When I arrived home I got into action. However, between working out of a tiny one-bedroom flat and trying to manage two other demanding businesses, my plans were a little slow in the beginning and I had to be resourceful. So I bought a plastic tub and turned the boot of my car into a mobile office! Anytime I could find a spare hour or two, I’d park myself at the gym or a nearby coffee shop and make calls from my mobile phone.
Putting these books together has been both time-consuming and demanding, but it has also been a real privilege for me to have the opportunity to work with each of the people involved in the various books. Thank you, to each of you, for making it possible!
Well, I think you’ve heard enough from me. Now it’s time for you to discover for yourself the wonderful wisdom contained in these pages. I hope that you enjoy the read as much as we’ve enjoyed putting it together. And who knows, maybe one day we will be reading your story?
Dream Big!
Dale Beaumont
Creator of the ‘Secrets Exposed’ Series
Sydney, Australia
Foreword
Whenever I meet people for the first time, it’s almost guaranteed that sometime during the conversation the word ‘inspiration’ will come up. And while I feel very flattered that people see me in that light, I also see it as a sign of how much in need people are today of positive role models.
What I love most about this book is that its entire focus is on inspiring stories. And what’s even better is that these are not celebrities but real women that we can all relate to and take real inspiration from.
The women in this book share their experiences from their hearts and prove to us that we can all do great things. Whether it’s starting a business, helping your community, achieving in sport, being a great wife and mother or reaching the heights of a corporate career, they show us that it’s all possible and that the only true measure of success is our own.
I owe a lot of my own success to staying positive and surrounding myself with motivated people, which isn’t always easy. We can’t always ditch the boss or totally escape from a negative relative, but it is possible to take a few minutes of quiet time and let the words in this book come alive so they can be a part of your world.
When I was 16 I travelled to Holland to compete in my first international event. It was there that I had the opportunity to see my sport at its most elite level and witness the best female racer in the world – I knew that very minute I wanted to be just like her. I returned home announcing to family and friends that I was going to become a professional athlete and earn a living from my sport – a decision that some described as ‘stupid’ and others as ‘bold’. Along the way there were many people who inspired me to challenge myself, to defy those that said ‘you can’t’ and to turn my dreams into life-long golden memories.
If you already own this book, keep reading and let these women touch your life – then share it with all the women you know so that we can all become inspiring women in our own lives.
Louise Sauvage OAM
13-time Paralympic medalist
Australian Female Athlete of the Year (1999)
World Sportsperson of the Year with a Disability (2000)
International Female Wheelchair Athlete of the Year (1999, 2000)
Australian Paralympian of the Year (1994, 1996, 1997, 1998)
Introduction
The title of this book may be ‘Inspiring Women’, but as you read each chapter you will come to realise that as well as being inspirational, the women in this book share many other qualities that have enabled them to become the ‘forces to be reckoned with’ that they are today. So, what other aspects of their personalities have led to them becoming the inspirational women that they are?
• Real – The women featured in this book share their inner thoughts and the truth about the various aspects of their lives in an extremely candid way. They talk as openly about their achievements as they do about their mistakes, giving us all hope about our own abilities and comfort in being ‘only human’.
• Courageous – These women have all challenged the norm. Whether it was going against the expectations of their peers, breaking free from a destructive marriage or taking on the challenge of being a mother and having a full-time career – they have all shown us that whatever it is we want to achieve, it can be done.
• Enterprising – The women in this book may not all operate their own businesses, but they are all ambitious and enterprising by nature. That doesn’t mean they are women trying to live in a man’s world. Far from it. They simply believe in the principle that you reap what you sow and they know that happiness comes from being in control of your own decisions rather than at the mercy of someone else’s.
• Have a voice – Perhaps the most exciting trait these women share is that they are not afraid to take a stand and share from their hearts. At a time when some believe that less of what we say really matters, these women are challenging this notion, each having developed their own vehicle for making a difference and positively impacting everyone they meet.
o while they may not have achieved international fame for wearing the latest red-carpet fashions or their most recent surgical lift, they have achieved the sort of fame that is to be envied – they are famous within their own communities for being inspirational, for sharing touching stories that we can all relate to and giving us the strength and motivation to do all of the things in our lives that we never thought we would be able to.
In Secrets of Inspiring Women Exposed! we’ve assembled an amazing group of successful women who are eager to share their experiences and pass on what they’ve learnt. As for the content, you will see that we have covered a lot of ground: goal setting, communication skills, career advice, maintaining a positive attitude, achieving work/life balance, starting a business, overcoming limiting beliefs, stress management, healthy living, raising children, defining your purpose, increasing productivity, becoming financially secure, and much, much more.
To further assist you in your own endeavours, a number of contributors have also very generously offered valuable gifts to all of our readers. To receive them, all you need to do is visit the website address provided and follow the steps to download the bonus gifts – absolutely free.
At the back of the book we have included the contact websites of every contributor. You’ll discover that many have their own books or educational materials, which we strongly endorse and encourage you to investigate further.
Finally, remember it’s what you do after you read this book that is going to determine its real value to you. So, go out there, apply what you’ve learnt and when you reach a goal – no matter how big or small – let us know so we can share your success story.
Enjoy!
Dale Beaumont and Emma Lyons
Email: info@SecretsExposed.com.au
Change Your Thinking
Rosie Pekar
“The truth is, if you give up then you will never know what you can do. With a bit of persistence even the snail made it to the ark.”
Profile
Rosie Pekar
Rosie Pekar was born in Albury, New South Wales, in 1966. As the third child of immigrant Ukrainian parents, she arrived 10 and 13 years after her siblings into a home of domestic violence, fear and loneliness. Although a naturally friendly, curious and adventurous child she felt abandoned and isolated from a young age, and rebelled against her attacker at the age of 14 by running away from home.
As she faced an uncertain life on the streets her only philosophy on life was that it involved suffering. So began her exploratory journey to discover life’s meaning. Over the years that followed she married an alcoholic, attempted suicide, and broke-down before she was able to break-through.
At 21 Rosie joined the police force and was exposed to the brutalities, lies and corruption of the criminal world. Eight years later she continued her legal career as a private investigator and security specialist trainer. During this time she also worked as a fitness leader and provided specialist programs to physically and mentally handicapped children and adults.
Today, Rosie is a ‘But-kicker’ – author, motivator and columnist read by more than 60,000 entrepreneurs globally. She travels regularly, delivering seminars and ‘Deliberate Creation’ workshops in Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Thailand, Hong Kong, and the US. Her emergency services role and investigative abilities led her to a KickBut® mind-set that has her thinking on her feet and getting results irrespective of adverse circumstances. These same characteristics transformed her personal life and now serve her well in the global world of business, teaching teams how to create, inspire, serve and lead with passion and a positive perspective over any adversity.
Based on the Gold Coast, Queensland, Rosie is the author of Time to KickBut® and has featured regularly in the media in both Australia and the US.
What has been the greatest moment in your life so far and why?
It’s hard to choose one great moment out of so many. I’ve met so many intensely fascinating individuals and celebrities, and have had so many experiences that have deeply touched my heart. However the greatest moment in my life so far would be the passing away of my father. Let me explain...
For the first 14 years of my life, my father had been my worst nightmare, and the next 16 were turbulent at best! Our relationship was based on trouble and violence, so when my mother died 12 years ago, I suddenly felt alone. It was the day after she passed that a stranger, aged in his seventies, came to my home with a letter that he claimed was a message from my now-deceased mother. I read, ‘Now is the time for you and your father to grow and love each other’. I scoffed with as much indignity as I could muster, ‘That’s not from my mum; she knows we hate each other!’ Yet some faint glimmer of hope and optimism that the impossible may be possible made me copy that note out and give it to my father, who read it at the time with apparent disinterest.
In January 2005 I was in Indonesia helping with trauma relief operations after the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami when I received a phone call. My father had suffered a heart attack and was not expected to live. At the hearty age of 85, Dad had already beaten the odds and survived many similar incidents. It wasn’t an easy decision to leave my position in Banda Aceh and at first I was torn between two loyalties. It felt callous to leave so many desperate and homeless people behind, the clean up of 500 corpses a day had just ended and there was so much work to do in a place that had reportedly lost over 200,000 lives. Despite our unsettled past, my father and I had made peace several years earlier. He had told me that he loved me and asked for forgiveness for all that had transpired between us. As he expressed how proud he was of me, I promised him that I would be with him when it was his time to leave this world. Standing in the extreme heat of Indonesia I heard my father’s hoarse voice, ‘I’m at the end of my road, Rosie’. I flew home immediately.
“I later discovered that my father’s heart attack and the quick transit flights saved my life!”
I sat by my father’s bedside for 24 hours, holding hands with him as he slipped in and out of consciousness. I watched Dad leave as his body finally went into a spasm and let go of its tentative hold on life. His final gift to me was the blessing of life and closure, and we both knew it! In retrospect, my father gave his life to save mine. I got to spend three more weeks absorbing his delighted mischievous chuckle and wildly optimistic and positive outlook on life, which did not abate even in his dying days. He still had so much to teach me about love, gentleness, kindness and forgiveness! Whoever said, ‘You can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ never knew my dad!
Although it was not my happiest moment, it was definitely the greatest and most powerful moment of my life – the total unashamed and unconditional love of my father.
Among his belongings I found the well-worn and tattered message from my mother, no longer a message but an accurate prediction. ‘Now is the time, you will both come to love each other...’ and I needed no further proof of this man’s love.
You believe that your father’s heart attack saved your life. Can you explain what you mean?
Amazingly, just four hours after receiving the call that informed me of my father’s illness, I was at the military airport in Aceh being transported by Hercules to Medan. I later discovered that my father’s heart attack and the quick transit flights saved my life! You see, I’d contracted cholera and without warning, or any sinister signs, it kicked-in embarrassingly at Kuala Lumpur airport. Being in air-conditioned comfort meant that I was able to be quickly hydrated, an unlikely prospect if I had remained in the humidity of Indonesia, where we were drinking six litres a day just to maintain hydration (and for those that don’t know, cholera can kill in four to six hours!).
What has been one of the biggest challenges you have had to face in your life and how did you overcome it – how did it shape your life?
The biggest challenge I have had to face, and one that I continually have to overcome, is me! Now, this may sound strange considering that I’ve had to overcome the fiery and violent nature of burly angry men intent on bashing me with baseball bats, tyre levers and bricks; that I had a contract taken out on my life within my first six months of policing; that I had to prepare myself to jump off a third-floor balcony in order to escape from a man with a shotgun; and that I had to face a knife-wielding man who kept reminding me that he was ‘ready to carve me up’. Hmmm... yep, I am definitely my own biggest challenge!
Why? Because of my own mind-set and habitual limiting thoughts. I have met many other people with the same problem or as I like to call it, ‘poor-me-itis’. Essentially it’s when people blame everything on a specific moment in their life. Unfortunately, we get conditioned to keep on repeating our story – ‘poor me I grew up with...’ or ‘I was diagnosed with...’ or ‘I was abused by...’ The truth is, if you live long enough you’ll always have a story to tell, the challenge is to not hinge the rest of your wellbeing on it. That is, don’t use it to restrict your personal power for a happy life. It’s the thoughts in our heads that make us prisoners to the past and keep us locked into our ‘feeling bad’ states. Then we wonder why more bad stuff keeps happening to us and lay blame on anything and anyone. Once we understand that it’s not ‘out there’ and that the problem is ‘in here’ (nasty self-talk) then we are at least on the right track to the root of the problem.
I have met some professional victims alongside career criminals. I call them professional because as I see it they have mastered the art of criticising and condemning while holding themselves aloof. (Yep, guilty as charged, your honour! I especially excelled through my teens and early twenties.) Some will justify the validity of their claims, ‘I have every right to feel bad, mad, tired, or whatever’ and sadly it becomes their way of being in their life. Not only is this sad for them, it’s toxic for all those around them too, and we all know someone like this. I have even watched one die holding onto this attitude.
‘Live a life so that when you die, even the undertaker is sad.’ Since you can’t escape your thoughts I choose to continually challenge myself and believe in more than I dreamed possible. I choose to make my self-talk my friend – not my enemy. Why not make your thoughts something that is exciting and makes you feel good, and in the process attract fabulous results into your life? Makes sense to me!
You call yourself a professional ‘but-kicker’. Why is that?
But-kicking is mental empowerment (there’s only one ‘t’, so it’s not physical!). I help people create positive results by being exceptionally challenging and confrontational to what’s not working in their lives. My job in the corporate environment is to create extreme teams and inspire extreme leadership and management. Often this does not come about without resistance or a fight. While some people are willing to change there are always some who want to stay the same, so getting rid of our collective excuses, cop-outs and ‘buts’ as to why we can’t have what we want can be very difficult. That’s when they call in a professional to help KickBut®!
Is there a significant quote or saying which you live your life by?
KickBut® – Get rid of the ‘Bloody Useless Thoughts’ that hold you back!
I have never met anyone who was born with an instruction manual. We are our own teachers and we learn from results in life. Unfortunately, negative experiences often lead to focusing on the negative and this can make us wallow in self-pity and use that most soul-destroying of all words: BUT. For me, B.U.T. stands for ‘Bloody Useless Thoughts!’ You have phenomenal power, literally at your fingertips, so you need to work with the one thing you’ve always had – your thoughts. Win the battle of the brain and you’ll get what you want out of life. As a child I was always told that I was ‘bloody useless’. Now it’s a positive reframe because no one is saying that anymore, it’s just someone else’s thoughts that are no longer relevant to me.
You either have the results you want in life or the reasons for not having them, which are not real, just some Bloody Useless Thoughts. Once you have identified the BUTs in your life, the challenge is to replace them with the results you want... accept no cop-outs, no excuses, and no BUTs, that’s how to KickBut! Your thoughts, your life, your choice.
Growing up, what or who were some of your early influences in life?
When I was growing up I was an avid reader and had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge in all things esoteric, metaphysical or spiritual. I could not understand my life of turmoil and was desperately seeking an escape or an answer. At the age of nine, I first read a book titled A Soul’s Journey, which gave me a belief and support system that helped offer solutions to all of my many questions pertaining to life and purpose. Other authors such as Sanaya Roman, Emmet Fox, Florence Scovell Shinn, Norman Vincent Peale, Jane Roberts, Napoleon Hill, Harold Sherman, Wayne Dyer and Gary Zukav all proved invaluable resources, among many others.
“Not only is this sad for them, it’s toxic for all those around them too... ”
What made you decide to get involved in the police force and private investigation?
I had been a volunteer at St George School for Crippled Children in Rockdale, when I saw an advertisement for the police force and thought ‘why not?’ It was the solution to my problem of job security and my desire to help people. Six weeks after applying and going through all of the exams and physical fitness tests, I was training at the Goulburn Police Academy, which was the start of my eight-year career as a police officer. After leaving the police force, private investigation seemed like a natural progression. I liked keeping my mind stimulated by the challenges that frauds, thefts and arsons presented, it’s the creative linking that is unravelled piece by piece that soon reveals the truth of an incident. In addition, there are laws for evidence that are equally as relevant in life skills. The ability to prove or to disprove in an unbiased manner based on consistency, relevance and sequencing of evidence is a tremendous asset. Often people jump the gun and condemn and judge by what they see or believe to be true, based on very little tangible evidence. As a cop I learnt very quickly that looks and appearances can be very deceptive!
What affect did being a police officer have on your personal life? Was it hard for you to separate yourself from the disturbing things that were going on around you?
Extremely! I was 21 and thrust into a world of hatred and brutality, seeing what other people were capable of doing to each other, observing the lowest of human actions and grossest behaviour and having to report it in detail. I observed human tragedies, witnessed the death and dying of adults and children and was often helpless in the process. I had to face-off with hordes of strangers intent on harming me and calling me every undesirable name in the book and then some! Being the leader and authority in charge in all these events to bring about a resolution, rescue or arrest is quite a daunting task, sometimes even more so at five-foot-two!
At such a young age I didn’t have the skills to ensure that these things didn’t affect me and I doubt that many young people would. So it was definitely very difficult for me to separate my work from my personal life.
What advice would you give to other women who may be involved in a career that is surrounded by a lot of negativity?
Change careers or refocus on what is working and inspires you. Life is too precious to squander it and waste time on being unhappy, bitter or miserable. For me, the police force had served its purpose in my life and it was no longer necessary for me to stay. And to be honest, I hadn’t realised what immense pressure and stress I was under until one year after I left, when a friend said to me, ‘Wow Rosie, you’re no longer like a cat on a hot tin roof, what’s happened?’ I now live a life that is full of adventure, fun and purpose without being threatened on a daily basis.
Have you ever had a time in your life where you crashed and lost the will to get back up?
Yes, I wrote about one such personal challenge in Time to Kick But!:
‘At the age of 28 I had seen one domestic too many. The woman’s face was pulverised beyond recognition. Baseball bats do that! She had been dragged by the hair along a bitumen footpath and lost half the skin off her body. I saved her that night, but the odds told me she would return for more. I had seen one distraught spouse too many as I told them of the circumstances of their loved one’s death. I had seen one body too many, laying on the roadway in two pieces. How do you comfort the partner sitting nearby? I did my best. I had seen one child too many who had been brutalised and raped and was now required to tell me the sordid details. How do you explain to a child that this brutality is not love, as they are sent back home to their abuser? I had seen one man too many die, despite my valiant efforts to revive him with CPR. His wife held me as I, the policewoman, cried! Driving the ambulance at 40kph, I listened in agony and helplessness as my mother lay dying in the back. All to no avail. Everything seemed to no avail. I did not understand and my faith was sorely tested. I could not understand life’s events. What was the point in trying if it did not make any difference?’
“If you cannot connect with someone positively, leave them be...”
At the time of these experiences, my marriage had just broken up and I had so many unresolved past issues that I was a cesspool of negativity, sadness and apathy. I’d love to write that I had an instant resolution, but the change for me came about with self-discovery and with time. It’s funny how some of us need to hit rock bottom before we work out that we have permission to say, ‘Enough, no more! I do not allow this to continue!’ We can stop punishing ourselves for perceived misdeeds of the past by no longer remaining in the same environment or allowing others to continue their abuse. We finally work out that by the mere fact that we exist, we are entitled to a happy life, and that we are the ones that give it to ourselves. Once I learnt this, it was no longer necessary for me to be a police officer.
What were some of the most valuable life lessons you learnt during this time?
The power of observation! That everything is about me, a reflection of me. I soon learnt that what was common to every problem I had in my life was me. When I was angry I attracted more incidents to make me angry, when I was sad and disheartened I attracted more sadness and became overwhelmed. But when I lightened up and laughed... guess what? I attracted more laughter and happiness. I learnt to become responsible for my ‘feeling’ states and this was my choice and my power. When I talk at schools I always tell the kids, ‘What other people think of you is none of your business’. It keeps their focus on what’s real and important, which is their own thoughts and feelings. These thoughts and feelings are creating their world.
What was the turning point that led you on a new direction in life?
Just like anyone else I had several life-changing incidents. I fled home at an early age, ended a dysfunctional marriage, left a secure career with the police force, dealt with the death of my mother and childhood best friend, and faced many life-threatening circumstances. All of these were great learning experiences for expanding, growing and developing a depth of understanding.
My most recent turning point involved a trek in the uninhabited and inhospitable wilderness of Prince Albert Region Park. After walking over 60 kilometres, I suffered extreme heat exhaustion and dehydration (44-plus degree temperatures). With the nearest settlement being over 1,000 kilometres away, sleeping only metres from crocodiles proved to me that my trust in universal laws was complete. It was at this time that I had an out-of-body-experience, which revealed my life experiences with a specific reflection on all the feelings I had toward the people of my past and the emphasis was on how I made other people feel. For me, this has been the greatest turning point in my life and one that has led me in a new direction: find more ways to feel good and less ways to feel bad. This includes all the opportunities that you have to connect with other people – you leave an energetic personalised fingerprint and it’s either toxic or beautiful, there’s no in-between. If you cannot connect with someone positively, leave them be. They are in their own learning space and it’s not necessary to make their ‘blah’ yours. I know that when you die you will not receive an ‘A’ critique for having the flattest stomach, the nicest car, the best school for the kids. You may instead re-experience how you made others feel. This keeps my focus on creating win-win situations or the best possible outcome for all involved, irrespective of who they are or what they have done before. It helps me forgive, knowing that it is not about them – it’s about how I choose to act as a person. This allows my mind to release turmoil and happily accept every new moment. Most of the time!
In your opinion how does our mind work?
Thoughts create our reality and as we think, we are. Unfortunately, the bulk of our thoughts are habits created or implanted so long ago that we have little conscious directive of what we are actually thinking. So the 60,000 or so thoughts that go through our minds every day are on autocue, otherwise known as reacting. We react to whatever is occurring in the moment or to whatever we are replaying from the past. In doing so, we project this mentality into the future and we get more of the same, which is great if it’s what you want. But what if it’s not?
There is plenty of mental space to use by challenging our minds to grow beyond our previous limited thinking and beliefs. It’s a bit like having a whole planet to live on and just remaining in the one town, yet professing to know what the rest of the world is like. None of us know what we can do or are capable of until we have at least tried. A friend, Shinta Waters, describes people in three categories: we have the pilots and the co-pilots who enjoy directing their destiny, the passengers who are just along for the ride, and the hijackers who are there to screw everyone else’s day. It does not take a lot of imagination to work out who is who in life, often it’s the result of what thoughts go through their mind.
Why do we sometimes sabotage our own success?
Fear, habit, programmed patterns and RUTs (Repeating Useless Thoughts). Remove that one restrictive word, BUT, from your vocabulary and notice the results! The domain of the mind is phenomenal, although equally daunting is the prospect that there is so much we don’t know when it comes to the realms of mind, body and spirit. What we can’t identify, we don’t rectify and so we often argue extensively to keep the status quo (even when that may be harming or killing us). Socrates uttered immortal instructions thousands of years ago when he said, ‘Know thyself’, this was passionately followed by many spiritual leaders advising us to ‘love ourselves’ because what we can accept in ourselves is what we can give to others.
Do you believe that we have complete control over our circumstances?
Yes and no. I have the ability to learn Russian, but will I? No, because I am not interested, although I can if I change my mind and develop that interest. The same principle applies to life. Most of us are not interested in taking control of our own lives, we would rather be consumed by them instead.
There are laws of creation and attraction that countless cultures have documented from over 10,000 years ago, from the Ancient Egyptians and Sumerians to the Buddhists and Hindus. They link the human consciousness to the ability to change vibrating patterns to manifest our desires. In fact, quantum physics is tending to prove that all consciousness at a microscopic level is made of the same ‘energy’ although it is different in appearance (density) due to the speed rate of vibration of the ‘energy’. For example, ice, water and steam are all water molecules, however, the different density makes them appear different to each other. Without knowing better, they would almost appear unrelated. This is the same for the manifestation of our desire, in that we think thoughts are unrelated to events that transpire because of the time delay. So in my opinion, do we have complete control? No. Do we have the ability to have complete control? Yes!
What does success mean to you and how do you know you have achieved it?
Having the freedom and passion to pursue unlimited opportunities in creating tools or services for change, growth and prosperity are, for me, my key links – and joy and wellbeing are good indicators of success achieved. The friends, great trips around the world and money are pretty good too!
“Do we have the ability to have complete control? Yes!”
One of your favourite phrases is ‘do until’. Can you tell us why?
As my friend Graham Alford says, ‘Never, ever give up’, and he spent years in jail! I say ‘do until’ because you have the ability to fulfil your dreams. Success often follows on the heels of adversity, however, it’s that adversity that stops people in their tracks. What’s more, it then introduces a pattern of fear that people stay with rather than venturing into the great unknown. Which, by the way, is where your success lies.
I once had a dream to appear on a popular US talk show, which some people thought (and told me) was silly. Fortunately for me I didn’t listen to them and was invited to turn that dream into a reality. The truth is, if you give up then you will never know what you can do. With a bit of persistence even the snail made it to the ark.
Having conducted hundreds of radio interviews, what is the most common question asked and how do you answer it?
Everyone always asks about a friend or about a problem that is not theirs! I always ask why? ‘Do you not have enough problems of your own that you need more?’ This question challenges people to maintain focus on the things they can control – their life, their way of thinking, and their being. The next most popular question is, ‘Did you ever shoot anybody?’ to which I always reply, ‘Not yet!’
What are your five favourite books and why?
• A Course in Miracles – The Foundation for Inner Peace
• Personal Power through Awareness – Sanaya Roman
• Conversations with God: Book Three – Neale Donald Walsch
• The Power of One – Bryce Courtney
• Time to KickBut! – Rosie Pekar
regard these as my five favourite books because of their inspiration and empowerment – and the last one because I also wrote it!
Having been exposed to a mix of people from all walks of life, what’s your theory on life?
That just like there are many spokes in a wheel all leading to the centre, so too there is no one and only ‘right’ way to live life (despite many people trying to tell us so!). There are many different personality profiles for amassing wealth, for example Bill Gates’ path to monetary success is not the same path as Oprah Winfrey’s, Donald Trump’s, or Ray Kroc’s or Richard Branson’s. Each has a distinct character as well as rules for doing what they do. Following our bliss, our natural inclinations and tendencies in alignment with our core personalities, leads us to our wealth. It makes sense then to follow in the footsteps of someone similar to you. The same applies for accruing religious, spiritual, mental, political and personal beliefs. A violet and daisy may both be flowers, although each is decidedly different in being and all make for a spectacular garden. We have such diversity here. I advise people to find what works for them. We are not all at the same age or stage of life. One is not better than another; they are just different and that is the appeal of this planet, contrast and diversity. By knowing what we don’t want, we discover what we do!
‘Why do you try so hard to blend in, when you were born to stand out?’
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Turning Point
Mia Freedman
“Stop judging yourself against celebrities. They lie – they pretend that they don’t diet, they pretend they don’t exercise and they pretend they don’t have nannies. They pretend they have perfect lives and it’s simply not true.”
Profile
Mia Freedman
Mia Freedman was born in Sydney in 1971. With a working feminist as a mother, Mia was never confused as to whether she would be a stay-at-home or working mother.
After finishing high school, she lived in Italy for a while before returning home to start a communications degree. Admitting to not being a very good student, Mia participated in work experience at Cleo magazine. After completing just one year of her degree, she dropped out of university and worked in a variety of part-time jobs while still doing work experience with Cleo.
After three or four months, Mia was given the junior role of beauty writer at Cleo. She worked her way up to feature writer but decided to go freelance after being passed over for a promotion. When she was 25, Mia was offered an editorship with Cosmopolitan magazine, a role she held for eight years. After successfully completing over 100 issues and being awarded the Australian Editor of the Year, Mia moved up to become editor-in-chief of Cosmo, Cleo and Dolly.
In 2006 Mia broadened her media career by becoming creative service director at Channel Nine and has recently helped launch The Catch-Up – a smart and entertaining daytime television show for women.
Mia enjoys writing, running, and the sound of her own voice. Her favourite way to spend time is with her family, including her husband and two kids, Luca and Coco.
When you first started working at Cleo, was it your ambition to become editor or was it a goal that evolved over time?
I started at Cleo doing unpaid work experience and decided I wanted to be editor by the time I was 25 years old. It was a goal that I clung to with both hands, but for a while it started to look like it wasn’t going to happen. I was passed over for promotion a couple of times and I was devastated by the idea that my dream might not come true so I left, got a bit disillusioned, and thought I might start doing something different. I eventually let go of that idea and soon after I was offered the job of editing Cosmo. Go figure.
You were offered the job of Cosmo editor at a young age. Was it difficult managing and working with people who were sometimes twice your age?
I didn’t find it difficult because I was an overconfident person. When I started at Cosmo everyone was older than me and I certainly made some mistakes with my management style. I was also very impatient to have a new team because I didn’t want a team that was constantly telling me ‘But we’ve always done it THIS way...’ You want to have people who are loyal to you and are concentrating on your vision (instead of concentrating on making a comparative analysis). So it was important to build my team even though it took a few years. It was even more important to have a team of people who really wanted to be there. I may have started off with staff who were older than me, but eventually I ended up with a younger team. In some ways they were just as difficult to manage because often they lived highly dramatic lives, as twenty-somethings do... break-ups, partying... always a drama.
Early in your career, what were a few of the most important lessons that you learnt?
I learnt that I was very overconfident. The older I got, the more I found I didn’t know. It’s a lesson that I’m still learning.
“I am amazed how much I have enjoyed training other people and working with them.”
Managing staff is something that you never really learn. As an editor you usually go down the path of being a journalist first. Journalists are very good with words but that may not mean they are very good with people. Managing and nurturing staff is something that I learnt through trial and error, and fortunately I really loved it. There are some incredible editors who are terrible at managing staff and they end up with an unhappy team. I am amazed how much I have enjoyed training other people and working with them. Seven of my staff from Cosmo have gone on to become editors of other national magazines. I’m not going to take credit for the jobs they got, but to be able to say I was involved is a great feeling.